Stoke Away - Make or Break.

45 points and a pig of a run in (no pun on Swine Flu intended!). We did well to eke out a point at Villa and with a striker worthy of the name, would probably have picked up another against Chelsea. Tell me, if Di Michele and Tristan are worth their salt, why weren't they stepping forward to take that penalty? Twelve yards out, unchallenged, only the keeper to beat - fancy it Diego? No? How about you David? No? Looks like the 21 year old midfielder will have to take it then despite missing his last one! On yer bikes you pair of bottlers!

Zola's target was 52 points and that target isn't going to be easy to reach. We should be looking to claim 3 points in the last game of the season against Boro, but if they are fighting for their Premiership lives or signing off their stint in the Prem after being relegated, that might not be the straight forward victory many hope it will be. Everton away has become an easier game thanks to their passage to the FA Cup Final but 3 points at Goodison is a big ask given our record there. It is not, traditionally, a happy hunting ground. Let's estimate a point from that one. That puts us on 49 with a win over Boro. So where are the other three coming from? A victory over Liverpool? That's a huge ask given their pursuit of the Prem, their only hope of a trophy. I would only predict a draw in my most optimistic mood. So that leaves Stoke on Saturday!

Now Stoke have done brilliantly this season and have a superb home record, so this is a challenging game. Hopefully, Beattie won't make it, but even without him, the bombardment of high balls into our box is going to be Blackburnesque. Neill, Tomkins and Upson are going to have to be on their mettle and Green will have to be decisive. We can't afford for him to stick, twist, stick and twist again as that ball is hurled into our box. We were undone by a set piece header at Upton Park and Pullis will be planning for a repeat. Should Stoke score, securing 3 points will become very difficult given we can't score more than one goal in any game.

Personally I would jettison Di Michele from the team and play with Stanislas and Dyer in the hole behind Tristan, running beyond the target man onto any flick on he might muster through the 90 minutes. In midfield, assuming Parker is unfit, I would go with Kovac, Neill and Noble, with the first two protecting the back 4 and giving additional support as the ball is lumped into our box. At the back I like the idea of Tomkins, Collins, Upson and Ilunga, again with a view to adding inches to the team. Priority number one must be to nullify the aerial threat. Take care of that and Stoke pose very little of an attacking threat.

Can we score? I think Stanislas and Dyer are our best bets for getting a goal personally. Their speed will unnerve the Stoke back four and by "coming from deep", they will unsettle the defensive organisation of the opposition. Win this and we could be in Europe next season; anything less, then that dream will disappear.

Why Everton, Chelsea, Arsenal, Man Utd, Liverpool, Tottenham, Newcastle et all may be left hanging.

At the moment, we are all looking forward to an exciting ending to the season. Another all English Champions League Final threatens, there is the prospect of an attritional FA Cup Final, Liverpool still hope to chase down the Mancs in the race for the Prem, and nails are being bitten beneath the quick in the North East. But there is a very real prospect that all these matters may be left unresolved. The season may soon be put into suspended animation, locked away into cold storage. Football may stop in the next two to three weeks.

Why? Well some of you may have noticed how deaths from Swine Flu are growing exponentially. In week one, five deaths in Mexico, in week two 150. Apply the multiple of 30 and that is 4500 deaths next week, multiply by 30 again and 135,000 die, multiply by 30 again and over 4 million are dead. Doesn't take long does it?

Now, look at the spread of the disease globally. They have it in Scotland, Germany, Scandinavia, Devon and, very worryingly, Spain. How many Brits have returned from holiday in Spain over the past 7 days? There are a few Chelsea fans of course. One infected person in the Nou Camp on Tuesday and the disease will have enjoyed a massive boost in its quest to infect as many people as possible in the shortest possible time.

The world is now on red alert. Yet amazingly the Press are leading on the Gurkha story. Why? Is there is an embargo on exactly how serious this is? One school has already been closed in England, many more will follow now the alert level has been raised to 5. If it is dangerous to collect 1000 people together in a school, how much more dangerous is it to gather 50,000+ together in a football stadium? When the pandemic takes hold, and it is now when, not if, the government will be advising us not go out unless we have to. Football matches will be cancelled / postponed as a matter of course as mass gatherings will be made illegal to try to limit the spread of the disease.

What will happen from there? How will relegation be resolved, how will the Cup be awarded? Never mind that, there may be much bigger questions to answer in this country and around the world. Not worried yet? You should be. We are not all doomed but these are VERY dangerous times.

BG - The case against.

The following article has been submitted. The Blog Administrator wishes to make clear that the site does not validate anything in this article. In the interest of balance following the article in support of BG, this submission has been carried.

The negative responses to the recent article praising BG shows what most of us long suffering fans think of our Chairman. BG is lucky to have the persona of a gentleman billionaire that has merely been unfortunate in the credit crunch but, I found an article in 1st November 2002 Euromoney Magazine, under the heading “Questions Over Landsbanki's New Owner” that changed my mind about him. It says that BG has a criminal record and has been bankrupting companies by his mis-management since the mid-80s. His business life has been littered with numerous lost law suits and disasters of one kind or another simply because he is a bad businessman and should not be allowed near any company IMO. I have never met BG so it is not personal. I am merely a fan that wants the best for our club!

BG first came to international attention when he was found to have misled the shareholders and bankers of Hafskip, an Icelandic shipping line he was MD of in the mid-80s. Euromoney says that he twice issued false accounts to reassure shareholders and banks that Hafskip was operating profitably. Hafskip went bust a few months later in December 1985. The bankruptcy forced an Icelandic bank to be closed which sounds all too familiar today but this was in 1985! BG was arrested and remanded in custody for 28 days in 1986 so he is actually an ex-jailbird!

He was eventually found guilty of “embezzlement of company bank accounts,” to have “violated articles of the Companies Act” and also violated “The General Penal Code over several counts of embezzlement, two of which involved fraud.” He got a 12month prison sentence suspended for two years. This is a classic, early demonstration of BG's cavalier attitude to business matters.

After the disaster of Hafskip, BG and his son Thor, turned up in the new capitalist Russia, with it's reputation for corruption and largely unregulated commercial activity. They got involved in building up a bottling plant, which they sold to Pepsico. Euromoney say “They developed a flair for working their way around the viper's nest of customs, regulatory and tax authorities.” I wonder what that means? Then they invested in a brewery in St Petersburg and Moscow, Bravo International, which they built up with two partners, one English and the other an Icelander, eventually selling to Heineken for $400m in 1995! Of more relevance to us is the fact that their two partners claimed in law suits, that BG and Thor had forged their signatures on documents to cheat them out of their full share of the $400m sale. BG and Thor finally lost in an Icelandic court on 6 December 1999!

After the sale to Heineken, BG and Thor then invested in a long established Icelandic pharmaceuticals company, Pharmaco (now renamed Actavis); Straumur Burdaras, an investment bank run by Thor that eventually went under just last month, and Landsbanki which the Icelandic Government sold off in 2002. The business community were surprised and a lot of serious questions were raised about whether the Iceland government were right to sell their bank to a convicted criminal with a dubious past but Iceland is a small community of 320,000 people not the UK! Landsbanki went bust just 6 years later under BG! One of the most incredible disasters that I still don't fully understand, came when BG gave guaranties for our sponsors XL.com to help them secure a £163m loan from another bank just a couple of days before XL called in the receivers! That episode clearly helped finish off Landsbanki as they were re-nationalised days after that debacle!

Most of us first heard about BG when he bought West Ham using Eggert Magnusson as his front man presumably because of his own 'colourful' past. I was one of the many fans that thought our bubbles would at last, no longer fade and die! Terrence Brown was no longer in charge and we gained a billionaire that was going to invest big time in Eggy's much heralded business plan for a new 60,000 seat stadium and Champions League football within 5 years. It sounded unbelievable and that's exactly how it turned out - unbelievable!

The first disasters happened on the playing side and it soon became clear that the business plan was behind schedule. Eggy sacked Pardew and appointed Curbishley to complete indifference amongst fans. Curbs was not a bad manager, just that Champions League and Curbishley, don't quite go together somehow. A lot of non-Champions League players were bought for £40m and we all know that we got out of the relegation zone at Old Trafford, on the final day of the season with mainly the existing players. It seems that Eggy had been given no limits to his spending authority which is most unusual. BG should have imposed tighter controls but the kind of expertise he has, was honed in Iceland and Russia, not the UK.

Eggy then hit the exit door fairly soon afterwards and he has since issued a high court action against us. Zola replaced Curbs after he walked out over the Ljungberg settlement and Anton and McCartney transfers. Curbs claimed they were all done behind his back in spite of him having a contract giving him the final say on all transfers. He has sued us for constructive dismissal. BG showed incredible insensitivity and if he wanted Curbs out, he should have done the decent thing and paid him off but that isn't his way it seems. Zola has certainly been a saving grace for the club and his sparkle and drive always cheers me up but was he an inspired choice or just a cheaper alternative to Curbs? We'll never know but it is about the only thing that has worked out OK.

During BG's two year ownership we have been found guilty of lying to the Premiership about the existence of an illegal side agreement with Kia Joorabchian. The lies got WHUFC fined £3m and breaking the rule itself, just £2.5m! Had we told the truth and pleaded mitigating circumstances – eg previous owner's fault just the way Alan Sugar did when he took over Tottenham, it would have cost £2.5m. We would have sorted out the Tevez contract properly and there would not have been a Tevezgate scandal that has cost us incredible amounts of money and ruined the club's reputation. We have now had 3 managers when in the previous 107 years we got by with only 9! The five year £1m pa contract Terry Brown negotiated for himself as part of the sale to BG, was canceled, presumably in an attempt to make him the scapegoat for the Tevez affair. We now know that the club lied though, because a copy of the side agreement was printed in the News of the World exposé a few months ago. BG must have approved Duxbury's lies to the Premiership or he would surely have gone through the exit door as well. Brown added himself to the list of people suing us and BG settled out of court because he was wrong and knew Brown was not going to let it go. I have little sympathy for Brown who made millions out of our club but it was just another example of BG's shady dealings that litter his entire business history.

Even Kia Joorabchian sued us for non payment of a £7m contract secretively arranged to keep Tevez playing apparently! Kia's settlement is that he is now our transfer consultant for as long and as much as it costs for BG to keep him quiet. It's a shame BG never thought to employ Kia's lawyer as well so that he could not give his damning evidence to the FA hearing! Verbal cuddles Duxbury called it and the fact that he hasn't been sacked or shafted like Brown, Eggy, Kia and Curbs, suggests Duxbury has been operating under BG's direction since he took over. Tevez has now reputedly cost us around £26m spread across the next 5 years plus millions in legal fees and it could have been even worse! It could have put us into administration.

The May 2008 accounts have been delayed from being filed for 6 months beyond the deadline allowed for PLCs! Normally you cannot do that but BG used a little known rule to twice change our year end date by a few days each time so that we were given the extra time to sort out the accounts. We have the weird situation that our financial year will now end on the 24th May! The reason? Our auditors would not sign off our accounts or in layman's terms, they would not confirm that BG's version of our accounts were an accurate reflection of the year's trading!

I believe that the auditors insisted on putting in a large provisional sum for Sheffield United's compensation. Our auditors have a world-wide reputation to protect and clearly the size of provisional sum they demanded for the compensation payment would have pushed us into filing insolvent accounts and that would put us into administration. Those 6 months of delay gave BG time to settle with Sheffield United and even better, spread it over 5 years to minimize the impact in any one year. We can now belatedly file the 2008 accounts with an accurate provisional sum that should allow the accounts to remain solvent. For that reason, I have a feeling that our club actually may not have done anything wrong to deserve having to pay the compensation but, the auditors demands forced us to settle with Sheffield United or go bust! That's unfortunate but a direct result of BG having no credibility left with auditors and bankers. We will only find out if I am right, if the final hearing decides we did nothing wrong and it gets publicly announced.

All BG's companies, except Actavis, are now busted. Even Actavis has troubles and in 2008 lost an American law suit for patent infringements and have been forced to withdraw a particular brand of tablet from all outlets across the USA due to contravening the Food and Drug Administration's regulations! Sound familiar? As I said law suits seem to follow them around. They put Actavis up for sale this year for €8 billion but the highest bids did not clear the €4+billion in bank loans they owe! Imagine the interest and capital payments on €4+billion in loans every year? Then add in the costs of a product recall and losing a big legal battle in America. A cost of close to €750m I imagine. Ouch!

The banks that lent BG money for buying West Ham, have already threatened to take our club over once the Icelandic version of chapter 11 protection on Hansa's bankruptcy ends in June. I cannot see the banks going through the trouble to take us over for any other reason than they want to protect their interests by keeping the loans on their books as assets rather than being in default as they are currently. I hope I am wrong but if the banks do take us over, then expect them to try to load the £100m they are owed, directly onto our club instead of BG's bankrupt holding company. According to the Mail on Sunday a week ago, our club's borrowings have increased to £50m under BG so that means we would carry a total debt for around £150m! Thanks BG.

Whatever kind of spin anyone puts on it, BG has not been good for our club. His ownership of many companies shows a history of broken contracts, failed litigations, bad decisions, dodgy settlements and bankrupted companies. I don't think anything has really changed since Terence Brown's days as our Chairman, except we are now actually worse off financially; our good name has been dragged through the mud; we get sued all the time; have up to £10m a year to pay out in fines and settlements for the next few years and we could still end up getting lumbered with debts of up to £150m. We are still a selling club with survival as our main ambition despite Duxbury's Project and there is only one man that can take the wrap for all this – the man at the top.

Let's all cross our fingers that we find a new owner very soon. I don't believe any real West Ham fan wants an Abramovich or a wealthy Arabian trillionaire throwing money around like they do at Chelsea and Man City. We just want someone that gives us some stability and Zola and Nani a fighting chance in the transfer market. Maybe some future investment into developing the East Stand and the new training ground? Not much really is it?

Is there anyone out there with £200m to invest in a very good cause?


Billbanksy

Have you ever wanted West Ham to lose?

An odd question to ask on a West Ham blog but I mean it most sincerely folks, have you ever wanted West Ham to lose a game? I came very close earlier in the season when we played Macclesfield in the League Cup. I was amongst a 10,000 weak crowd for the game and witnessed a woeful performance, requiring a late equaliser, a sending off and extra time to overcome a team who had lost every game in the old Fourth Division. It was obvious that the team was playing without inspiration, heart and even hope and it was absolutely clear that Curbishley had to go. A section of the crowd turned on the manager and chanted that he would be out of work in the morning and a humiliating defeat in a relatively meaningless cup (let's face it, even Tottenham can win it!)seemed, for a while, like a resonable trade off - anything to remove the curse of Turds from Upton Park! But then Bowyer equalised, Cole (a replacement for Sears) started to terrorise the hapless minnows and the claret and blue blood started pumping through my veins. Each goal was greeted like a goal scored against Manchester United or Tottenham and I exercised an opt out clause on my provisionally arranged pact with the devil. So, in the end, even a passionate yearning to see Turds replaced was not actually enough to make me want my beloved Hammers to lose.

But there was a game I was keen for us to lose. For this we have to go back to the last game of season 2003-04, away to Wigan. In case you have forgotten, this was the final league game of a truly depressing season. We were bumping along in the Fizzy Pop all season, Roeder had been belatedly sacked, Brooking had inspired hope, only for Pardew to be appointed and to recruit a bunch of players that had no place at West Ham. We used an incredible 36 players that season - and by incredible, I mean the number of players, not the quality! Remember Quinn? And Stockdale? And Connolly? And Mellor? And Harley? And Deane? Remember those depressing draws against Norwich, Burnley and Forest? Remember the 4-1 defeat at Millwall? Remember the surrender at home to the Baggies after Defoe's sending off? Remember the 1-0 defeat at Palace? I remembered that last one keenly, but Brian Deane seemed to have forgotten it when we entered the last ten minutes of the game at Wigan!

The equation was simple. If Wigan won their final game of the season and Palace failed to win, then the Latics were into the play offs. If they failed to win then Palace would replace Wigan. Now Palace were on a fantastic run, transforming from a team struggling against relegation into the favourites to make it into the Premiership should they squeeze into the playoffs. Wigan, meanwhile, were moving in the opposite direction, falling away as the pressure mounted, and our track record against them was good - we had thumped them 4-0 at Upton Park. I knew, absolutely knew, that if Palace made it into the playoffs, then they would win the final. It was obvious, it was written in the stars, there was nothing anybody could do to prevent it - if they qualified! But the solution was simple, blindingly obvious in fact. All Pardew had to do was pick a team of stiffs and smile as we lost, slamming the door in the face of the Eagles if they failed to win.

And it was all going to plan as we ticked into the last minute. Wigan were beating us 1-0 and Palace were losing. A point meant nothing to us - our final league position would not change - but our chances of winning through to the Premiership would be hugely enhanced by denying Palace participation in the playoffs. So what happened? Well in a supreme act of shooting yourself in the foot, Carrick crossed and that useless great lump Brian Deane thumped in a header. 1-1, Wigan out, Palace in, and Destiny would not now be denied! As the goal went in my son cheered, not understanding the implications, but I was swearing and ranting, calling Deane all the obscenities in the book. "Dad", my son said confused, "We've just scored!" My reply was short, "Yes we've scored, the f****** own goal to end all f***** own goals!"

And why am I writing this now? Well earlier this season I struck a £20 bet for Newcastle to be relegated and England to win the World Cup. It pays out £1200. Now, just imagine, last game of the season, the match means nothing to us but if Boro win, they stay up and send Newcastle down. It will hurt but in those circumstances, I might just cheer on Miserableborough. Not for the money, you understand, but because I hate Shearer!

Geoff Pike - An unsung hero!

Kicking off a series looking at former Hammers, I decided to run with Geoff first because he is a player who is easily overlooked. In fact, younger fans might not know much about him. The greats are rightfully lauded and any fan worth the title will know about the brilliance of Brooking, the steel of Bonds, the predatory instincts of Cottee, the power of Hurst, the intelligence of Peters, the mastery of Moore...but the likes of Geoff Pike fade into the background, barely outlined character sketches behind the star performers.

Geoff made his debut as long ago as March 1976, coming on as a sub in a 2-1 home defeat to Birmingham City. Not the most auspicious of beginnings perhaps but his first start was in a game we Hammers remember with a little more relish, a 5-3 home victory over Tottenham no less! The side that day brings back so many memories for guys of my age and, because of two names, has a strong link with recent events: Day; Bonds; Lampard; Curbishley; Lock; Taylor; Devonshire; Pike; Jennings; Brooking; Pop Robson. How is that for a team of West Ham cult figures?

It is typical of Pike that his name would probably be the last that anybody would come up with if asked to name the side that day. You can imagine the discussion in the pub. Brooking and Devonshire of course. And Bonzo! Lampard would have been at left back, Lampard was always at left back, and Taylor wearing the number 5. Pop Robson up top presumably and you can bet your life he scored! What about alongside Taylor? 76-77? Moore was gone. Kevin Lock perhaps? In goal? Guess it would have been Merv. Alongside Robson? Tough one. Was it Cross? Or the other Robson? Gould was gone wasn't he? How about Billy Jennings? And midfield? Curbishley? Yes, thought so. But who else? No don't tell me, it's bugging me this one. Paddon? Holland? Bonds in midfield perhaps...Pike? Really? That early!

Pike was one of those players. He started in 1976 and played until 1987 and it is a fair bet that, throughout that era, his name would be one of the last somebody would come up with if asked to nominate the team for any individual game. He was the Mullins of his age, a bits and pieces player who did his job with the minium of fuss and allowed others with more ability to play around him. Curbishley flounced off in a huff because he wasn't given the starring role in our midfield, but Pikey was happy to play second fiddle, knitting the midfield together as Devonshire went on mazey runs, Brooking bemused the opposition, Ward skinned a left back, Dickens floated in and out of the game, Keen dropped a shoulder and dinked in a pass, Ince powered through a game, Paul Allen shed his nappies, Liam Brady graced Upton Park and Patsy Holland danced past a marker. As that list shows, not only did he knit together the midfield, he also knits together eras, crossing over generations that link Ferguson to Parkes via Day, Pop Robson to Cottee & McAvennie, via Goddard, Lock and Taylor to Tony Gale & Martin via Billy Bonds. Look at that team against Tottenham and the one that took the field in Pikey's last game, and only Billy Bonds survives. But Billy Bonds played in every game West Ham ever played didn't he?

Did Pikey play in the Cup Final victory over Arsenal? Of course he did! But the midfielders that most remember from that day are Brooking, Devonshire and Baby Faced Allen. But Pikey was there, Pikey was always there, it's just that not a lot of people noticed. Well, not a lot of people but one very good judge did. Commentating on the Final for ITV, one Brian Clough picked out Pike as the key man in the West Ham side! Was Pikey there in the two League Cup Final games against Liverpool? You bet he was, but not everybody remembers. Was Pikey in the team when we finished third in the old First Division? He started 10 games and was in the team when we beat Chelsea 4-0 at the Bridge and the Mancs 2-1 at Upton Park.

My fondest memory of Geoff Pike goes back to the 16th of May, 1977. We went in to the final game of the season needing to win to avoid relegation - and the opposition? Only Manchester United! The team that day read: Day: Bonds; Lampard; Pike; Taylor; McGiven; Radford; Pop Robson; Devonshire; Brooking; Taylor. We won, 4-2, preserving our top flight status! And the scorers? Well Pop Robson of course! He got two! And wasn't that when Frank Lampard scored? That's right! And the other scorer? Hang on, it will come to me...Brooking? Devonshire? Taylor? Nope. Step forward and take a bow Geoff Pike, a great club servant!

Any personal memories of Geoff Pike? Would be great to hear them!

Taking the Di Michele

So Di Michele wants a permanent contract at the end of this season does he? Well there's a surprise! If I was nearing the end of my career and I had the opportunity to play for a club which is tolerant of under performance and pays a tasty wage, I would be "up for the challenge"!

Apparently Mr "You carry on playing whilst I tie up my boot laces" has told the club's official site, "“As I have already said many times I would love to stay at West Ham for a few more years.” A few more years? So he wants us to see him a few years into full retirement as well as through his period of semi retirement does he? Perhaps he has a copy of the Freddie Ljungberg Retirement Plan and fancies a few million pounds to tear up his contract 12 months after it is signed!

It is a shame I didn't see any evidence of him meriting a permanent contract against Chelsea on Saturday. I have seen some players have mares in my time as a West Ham fan but Di Michele's performance on Saturday was "down there" as one of the worst showings I have ever seen by a player wearing the club's badge. Did he find a team mate with a single pass? Did he even come close to having a shot on target? Did he once try to run FORWARD with the ball? How many times, exactly, did he lose possession? It is genuinely the first time that I have rated a player's performance zero out of ten and that was without exaggeration. He was dire for every second he was on the pitch.

I have defended the Italian against what I regarded as unfair criticism at times this season but enough is now enough. I do not deny that the guy is skilful on the ball and has "flair" but where is the end result? Four goals in 22 games, plus 8 as a substitute is a pitiful return for a striker, or for a guy "playing in the hole". And remember, 2 of those goals came in his second appearance for the club! He has now made 12 starts without a goal and we cannot afford to carry somebody that goal shy as a striker.

Zola should be saying, thanks but no thanks. If Di Michele is the answer to the question then it must be a bloody stupid question. Get rid quick I say, and put Tristan on the same plane!

A Shameful Day for West Ham. We should follow Tottenham's lead.

In my match report on the game on Saturday (Same old Same old) I wrote that there was nothing to be ashamed of in the defeat; but I was wrong. At the time I was unaware of the extent of the abuse directed at John Terry and Frank Lampard during the game by morons who claim to be football fans. Tottenham fans who directed racial hatred towards Sol Campbell were rightfully shamed and have now been banned from future games, and I believe strongly that West Ham should now take the moral high ground and get rid of the scum who were directing hatred towards two fantastic England professionals on Saturday.

I know that we will hear the, "They are scum, they betrayed West Ham nonsense" but let's get a couple of things clear. John Terry left aged fourteen. How can these morons persecute a guy for a decision he made around about the time he was growing a full patch of pubic hair? As for Lampard, the club sacked his dad and uncle; how in God's name could he remain after that? Is it any wonder he holds a grudge? My Dad was sacked from a job once and every time we passed the company concerned in the car, we wound down the windows and spat. It was a natural response - you stick up for your Dad! How long had Frank Senior been a loyal servant of West Ham, only for the club to push him and 'Arry out of the door?

Of course, the spite is engendered purely by envy. Lampard and Terry have gone on to greatness and that rankles with the stupid amongst our fan base. These guys didn't do a Sol Campbell to us, they didn't walk out on Bosmans after the club had given them their big break. I well remember West Ham fans asserting that Chelsea had been stitched up when they paid £11million for Lampard - according to many, he was only picked because of nepotism anyway!

It is now time for the club to make a stand. There will be video evidence identifying the seat numbers of many of these morons - and in most cases they will be season ticket holders. There is a lot said about making football family friendly and this is a fantastic opportunity to take a lead. Name and shame the morons, ban them from the ground and make clear that hatred of this type has no place in football.

I find the image depicted above embarrassing and shameful. I love football and am a passionate fan of West Ham and England. The morons who understand the game as a vehicle for hatred are a cancer in the game and in society as a whole. Zola should demand that that cancer is surgically removed from our fan base, once and for all!

A perfectly rational dislike of Spurs!

Growing up in southern Ireland I was the only WestHam fan at my school. In fact I was the only WestHam fan I knew apart from my dad. Being from Cork, there has long been a strong history of support for ManU, Liverpool, Arsenal and Everton. They regularly came to Cork to play pre season games at Flower Lodge against Cork Celtic and Cork Hibs. This meant that my mates when I was a kid tended to support "bigger and more successful teams" than West Ham.

Yeah I got a lot of good natured mickey taking from my mates about how good their teams were but it was just that, good natured. When I would call round my friends house to watch football, their dads would see my West Ham jersey and say things like "WestHam always play good football" or talk about the great players we had produced. They respected the club and what it stood for.

I have followed West Ham all my life, I have travelled big distances to watch them play and as these trips are often at short notice, I have on many occasion stood amongst the home fans at away games and with the away supporters at Upton Park.
Of all the fans I have ever met and shared a conversation or a joke with, none of them have felt the need to try and tell me that their club is bigger than WestHam, none except Spurs fans.

Now when you're a kid it's natural to take an interest in the clubs your friends support, I would often watch their teams play as football was a pretty rare thing on television and West Ham didn't tend to figure much in the games that were shown. Over the years I would keep an eye out for the results of these teams. I never really cared if they won or not, unless the result affected West Ham in some way. Now I never knew a Spurs fan growing up so I never cared how they did.

I still don't. I have never checked to see how they have done, I have never watched a Spurs game unless it was against us. My first trip to Upton Park was New Year's Eve 1983 to watch West Ham beat spurs 4-1, so if anything I should have a sort of a soft spot for them as it was the perfect first trip to Upton Park.

For a long time as a football fan I couldn't care less about Spurs or their fans. I have never been to White Hart Lane; to begin with, this was if I was going to make a trip to London I would prefer to wait till I could go to see a home game. Now though I don't go as I refuse to contribute even the price of a ticket to their club. I have never met a Spurs fan who didn't start a conversation by telling me how much bigger their club was than West Ham. Personally I don't care, I love my club, I love what it stands for, I love its history, its tradition and its fans.

I know every football fan feels the same way about their club and I respect that but when the only way you can support your club is by trying to put others down it annoys me. Every summer its the same thing, we have to listen to idiotic Spurs fans logging on to Hammers sites to inform us that the latest bunch of overpriced mercenaries they have bought are better than any players we have. They feel obliged to tell us that this is the season they will crack the top 4. They boast about how their latest recruit from the manager of the month club is the one to mastermind their title push. Then withing a few months they are calling for the manager's head and slagging off their players as being useless.

Again I wouldn't care but through all of this they still want to tell us how they are a big club. Constantly bleating on and on about being a big club doesn't make you one though!

This isn't just directed at us, its at all clubs, at all fans. Any response from other fans is immediately called anti semitic or jealousy. As you have seen from previous threads, they are very quick to sink to racist comments themselves. I am a tolerant guy, I don't care what race, colour or creed a person is. To me a person is a person, you can agree with me or not, you can like me or not, I don't care. I have a very good life, a great family and fantastic friends. I don't hate people, I really don't, but over the years my dislike of Spurs fans has grown and like a bucket that slowly fills, eventually it overflowed into hatred. I actually don't like feeling like this, I think its counter productive to hate anyone. You end up wasting your energy on hating them. I am annoyed at myself for allowing myself be dragged to a point where I feel this way.

I remember some particularly insulting posts on WestHam forums when they signed Dos Santos last summer. Even by their own high standards, the smugness they displayed was incredible, hailing him the greatest young player in the world, a player only they were big enough to tempt away from Barcelona, a player who would lead their assault on the top 4, a player who would spark their title tilt. Where is he now? On loan at Ipswich! Spurs is a cesspit of a club, it sucks players in and discards them. The fans build them up to anyone who will listen and tears them down quicker than anyone else. Yes its frustrating when a player doesn't meet the standards you want for your club, yes every club has a player who the fans don't take to, but none with the regularity and ferocity of Spurs fans.

I am fed up with them infesting this blog (Blog Admin Interjection here! I welcome the contributions of the Tottenham fans!). The last two articles I submitted had nothing to do with Spurs in anyway shape or form yet their fans were on here looking for someway to make it about them. Its small man's syndrome, empty vessels make the most noise, any nuumber of penis deficiency jokes and even now, as I am writing this, I can hear the responses slagging me off from Spurs fans.

As always they will respond with typical smugness and arrogance, they will say its jealousy on my part but its not, I really don't care what happens to Spurs, they will say that they beat us twice this year and they did, but we lost to other teams, some of them twice, and I don't hate them or their fans. They will say they are a big club and I will point out they are not. The thing that bothers me most is that I cannot find a reason to not feel this way, things like Hillsborough makes me realise that football is only a game at the end of the day and its not worth a single human life. I hope, I truly hope, that this article brings out some of the decent Spurs fans, that it separates them from the vocal minority who have turned every other football fan against their club. I hope they find a voice to speak out, not retaliate. That may be a bit much given the way this article is written but please don't give me reasons to reinforce the way I am feeling; make me re-examine it, make me think again, make me see you as decent football fans. You cannot for even a moment fail to accept a large part of the responsibility of why other fans feel the way they do about you.

A West Ham fan wrote a book once called "An Irrational Hatred of Luton"; maybe I should have titled this "A perfectly rational hatred of Spurs".

By Celtic Hammer

Manager of the Season? Two Leading Contenders.

We all know that, as a rule, the award tends to go to the manager of the Champions but we all know the policy is stupid; in some years, 'Arry's wife could manage a team to win the title because their playing resources are far superior to any of their opponents. A table based on the performance of the managers would, I think, make very interesting reading this year.

Two of the contenders for the Premiership Manager Title this year came head to head yesterday when Fulham took on Stoke at the Cave in Cottage. Woy has done a fabulous job at Fulham, taking over a side apparently doomed to relegation and building a side which is now in pole position to win the "race for 7th" and European qualification. He has done this by investing in solid professionals, guys who will roll up their sleeves and play for the team, rather than worrying about their own egos. It is a little galling as a Hammer to see Konchesky, Zamora and Paintsil figuring in a side that might block our route to Europe, but it is a tribute to Woy that he saw how these guys could do a job if given the chance. I tell you what, there would not be many Hammers who wouldn't welcome Zammo back tomorrow in place of Di Michele or Tristan. I thought we had done well to get a combined £5.25m for the Z Man and Kaka Paintsil but, as it's turned out, Woy has had the last laugh. Look at the way he has revitalised Murphy and the signing of Schwarzer - two excellent pieces of management. Hangeland has had a fantastic season and Johnson has justified the faith that Woy showed in him when he spent big on a player most others had their doubts about. The Fulham team is a side without stars. They are all just one step up from journeymen, the nearly guys of the Prem, and yet Woy has carried them up to seventh, despite selling their best player in the January window. A job weally well done Woy!

Meanwhile, Tony Pullis has performed a minor miracle in keeping Stoke up (they won't go down now!). I shouldn't think there was a pundit in the country who wasn't predicting that Stoke would be relegated and I am happy to admit that I thought it was an absolute certainty. Not only did I think it would happen, I wanted it to happen because, although a natural fan of the underdog, I didn't want to see the "new Wimbledon" surviving in the Prem. Stoke were ugly - great big thugs who were going to clog their way to twenty points and return to the scrap metal yard from which they'd come. Or so we thought! Instead, they have played to their strengths, which has not just been pure muscle, though that long throw does require strength as well as technique. True, Stoke have proved that size does matter, and long and thick has proved a winning combination, but it has not all been down to thumping the ball high into the box and getting a head on it - just 95% of it! But fair play, Stoke didn't really have any other option, and Pullis has played his trump cards brilliantly. The signing of Beattie in the January window was an absolute masterstroke - how we would love him to lead the line at Upton Park at the moment. Beattie is not a craftsman but he is big, strong and knows how to score. I was at Hoddle's last game as Tottenham manager and saw Beattie drive the last nails into Glenn's management coffin. It was simple stuff, Southampton put the ball onto Beattie's head, and he did the rest. Football, as Pullis and Beattie prove, can be wonderfully simple sometimes. Whilst Hoddle fiddled with wing backs and the like, Beattie mugged him with ggod old fashioned centre forward play! And, of course, Stoke also managed to find a place for a Hammer. Matty can be frustrating but Pullis wanted somebody to put the ball onto Beattie's head and saw Etherington as the man to do it. And it has worked. As has the way Pullis has enrolled the Stoke crowd as the most potent twelfth man in the division.

Interestingly, both of these leading contenders for Manager of the Season are English, and the third and fourth that I will consider later are also Brits. Who says you have to have a foreign manager?

Bad Timing - Downpipe Shows His True Colours

Just when it looked like Blunderland and Wolves were going to battle it out over the signing of Davenport, the Black Twats leaked three goals at West Brom, of all places, with Downpipe and Anton at the heart of the defence. I have long maintained that "our Calum" is a liability and this result is further proof that he does not have what it takes to play in the Premiership. But the lad could at least have kept it quiet until a club stumped up the cash to buy him!

Of course, this is not the first time Calum has played at the Hawthornes this season. He was in the heart of our defence when we went there in September. And the outcome, three goals conceded! I doubt that the boy knows much French, but he surely now understands the meaning of Deja Vu!

5-2 to the Mancs! Hard luck Tottenham! Well Done Webby!

Two nil up at half time with a full strength team including the indomitable King and Woodgate at centre back and that powerhouse Palacios in the holding midfield role, and the mighty mighty Tottenham Hotspur still contrived to lose 5-2! Brilliant! So now, all those Cockyfool boasts about their fantastic record against the Big 4 have been rammed well and truly down their throats!

After our defeat against Chelsea I wasn't sure I was going to watch MOTD tonight, but now I can't wait! I bet 'Arry was twitching so much by the end of the match that his head unscrewed five inches! Was Gomes to blame for any of the goals? Good to see Bent on the score sheet given 'Arry doesn't want him next season!

5-2 away to Man Utd. Do you know, we have only conceded a total of 6 goals in 7 games against the Big 4 so far this season! Tottenham's defence better than ours? I don't think so! Looks like it is back to the drawing board 'Arry! Hurry up with installing that revolving door to the dressing room ready for this summer!

Same old, same old...

West Ham 0 Chelsea 1

Nothing to be ashamed about but sadly all rather predictable. We lost because we haven't got a fit forward worthy of the Premiership, because Chelsea identified Neill's lack of pace and sought to exploit our defensive Achille's heel all game and, of course, because Lampard oozes class and is head and shoulders above anybody currenty wearing Claret & Blue.

It could have been so different of course. For all Chelsea's possession, it was in fact ourselves who had the best opportunities in the first half. Dyer should have scored after a lovely pass from Tristan whilst 'Arry's wife would have put away the chance Tristan was presented with from our first corner of the game. Add in the penalty save in the second half and a case can be made for us being unlucky. That would be overstating the case, of course, because Chelsea were much the better team for most of the game, but we were cerainly not embarrassed as we were last season.

However, all that said, I am puzzled why Noble was taking out swinging corners in the second half when we saw how vulnerable Cech was under the high ball from our first corner. Surely that should have been the cue to put as many high balls into the six yard box as possible. Just why we chose to ignore the blindingly obvious is beyond me. I truth, we were hopeless up front but pretty clueless in midfield too. Noble had a bad game - far too many of his passes went astray - whilst LBM was his usual self, willing but short on class. In terms of fitness, Dyer isn't sufficiently cooked yet but, even at 60%, he is positively well done when compared to the raw Stanislas and Savio. Up front meanwhile, Tristan is woeful and Di Michele ALWAYS wants to face his own goal. It was so easy for the Chelsea back four to cope because they knew nobody would try to spin and stretch them for pace - which is precisely how you discomfort Chelsea. Again it points to a lack of confidence in Sears and Savio because both were more logical selections to exploit any frailties in this Chelsea defence.

So, at the end of the day, it was a case of same old, same old. We can defend but without Ashton, Cole, Collison and Behrami, we do not look capable of scoring. Zola must take some blame for this because he made the decision not to secure the services of an out and out striker in January. Had he done so, we might have had a few more points by now and looking forward to Europe. Instead, tenth place beckons! And that really would be a case of same old, same old, wouldn't it?

Ratings: Green 7; Neill 6 (played well but the goal came from down his flank again!); Ilunga 7; Upson 7; Tomkins 7; Boa 5; Noble 5; Dyer 5; Stanislas 4; Tristan 4; Di Michele 0 (Well, honestly, did he do anything right all game?)

West Ham v Chelsea; Lambs to the Slaughter?

All logic says that today should be a no contest. Chelsea, playing with a swagger, pushing towards a top 3 finish, through to the semifinal of the Champions League and into the Final of the FA Cup, arrive at Upton Park to play a team decimated by injury. Still no Parker, still no Cole, still no Beano, still no Behrami, still no Collison, still no Gabbidon - and question marks over the fitness of Dyer, Kovac and Collins. West Ham's patched up side is likely to include Tristan and Boa-Morte, hardly individuals with the recent credentials to strike terror into the hearts of the Chelsea gladiators, and three players aged under 22. For West Ham to prevail, the lamb has to rip open the throat of the lion!

If that isn't enough to persuade you to put your mortgage on a Chelsea victory, add in increasingly unsettling speculation about the future of Zola and Clarke. Why haven't those contracts been signed yet? Why is Clarke, in particular, suggesting that there is no hurry from his point of view? If I was committed to staying and my employer was offering to double my salary six months after joining them, I would be asking for a pen very quickly indeed. However, if a former employer had rung me up and said, "Find out what they are offering and we will treble it providing we don't have to pay shed loads in compensation for breach of contract", then I might be a little bit more inclined to delay matters through negotiation.

Now add in the Lampard factor. He is motivated enough for games against the club that sacked his dad and uncle, but the anniversary of the death of his mother, and the possibly insensitive chanting from our fans, are likely to add another gallon of adrenaline to his veins. On top of that, we have the stupid comments of that DJ. What's the betting on a message for his kids written on a vest under his shirt, ready for when he scores?

It doesn't look good does it?

So what case is there to be made for West Ham? Well, our record away to clubs in the top 4 is impressive, so if we pretend it is an away game, we might have a chance! Then there is the never say die attitude of the team. At half time last week I was anticipating a 3-0 defeat at Villa. But the team dug in and, by the end, we looked like the more probable winners. If we can show that same fighting spirit, then who knows!

Then there is Chelsea's surprisingly poor record in London derbies this season. For some reason, the plastics have melted in the London derby furnace. Maybe, just maybe, without Cole, there are not enough Londoners in the team to grasp the need for that extra 10% of raw passion.

But the biggest advantage we have is the fact that Chelsea face Barcelona on Tuesday. The Premiership is now out of reach. If it was just the Mancs so far ahead then Chelsea might cling on to the hope of a miracle. But for Chelsea to win it, Liverpool have to stumble too. The realists know that the Champions League must now be an absolute priority. So, will Chelsea risk all their stars today; and if they do, will those stars really want to risk injury in a game that, at the end of the days, matters very little for them? They will not get a huge win bonus for winning today; but how much would they receive if they lifted the Champions League? I'm sure Cashley knows the figures!

But here we come to the rub. Don't get me wrong, I would hate to have Sam Allardyce at West Ham, but if you could appoint a manager for one game, I would appoint Big Spam for this one. The route to victory is to draw blood early, to bruise some ribs, to scar a shin, to stick a thorn into the soft pad of the lion and thereby give a clear message: if you want this one, it will cost you; victory today could mean three players out on Tuesday. Fancy it now Didier?

But will Zola and Clarke do that? They love Chelsea, they want Chelsea to win the Champions League! Big Spam would send out an army to smash up the glory boys, Zola will send out a team of ballet dancers to pirouette around the pitch, playing the game in the West Ham way. It will look good but, sadly, this is a game where ethics should be put to one side. The Big Spam approach is needed today!

Still, let's be positive. If we win, fantastic! If we get tonked, that might persuade Abromovitch that Zola and Clarke are not yet ready for the Chelsea job! Heads we win, tails we don't lose in the long run!

But wouldn't it be great at the end of the game to see the lamb, it's chin stained in blood, standing on the corpse of the lion?

To Be Frank, Well Said Lamps!

I know that on the eve of the game with Chelsea, this may not be the most politic think to say but I don't care. I have heard a recording of what Frank said to that jerk of a DJ and I agree with everything he said.

Now I am of the opinion that Dads should stay at home with the kids, but you could tell from the emotion in Frank's voice that he is upset not only by what was said but by what is going on in his life. The distress over his mother's death is obviously still keenly felt and I had a real sense that he wants to be with his children and did not opt for the present state of affairs.

Now might just be the time to bury the hatchet. Remember how Tevez was put off his game when he was given a hero's welcome on his return to Upton Park? Perhaps hostility should be put to one side tomorrow and Lampard should receive support for his stand against trial by media. Who knows, it might bring a lump to the guy's throat and make him less inclined to break the hearts of the fans who never ever made him feel as special at Upton park as his obvious talent deserved!

BG is a Great Owner. Better than the clowns running Liverpool, Chelsea, Man U, Arsenal and Tottenham!

Not all clubs are run badly, look at WestHam! Four weeks to the end of the season and we are second in the league with Arsenal, Liverpool and Chelski all in a relegation scrap.

Yes it's true.

The season is only 4 weeks from finished and we sit proudly in second place in the league. If you don't believe me then here go and check for yourselves, it's ok I will wait

http://www.fairpaynetwork.org/football/

Ok, are you back? I never said it was the Premier League but it is something that should make us proud as Hammers fans. The Fair Pay Network aim to improve the working pay and conditions of non footballing staff at clubs in England and a lot of credit goes to the club for providing a decent standard of living and good working conditions for its employees.

In a way it kind of sums up this board and the club's owner Bjorgolfur Gudmundsson who has show the type of patience that makes Ghandi look prone to flying of the handle. He has been slated by the fans, who lack the knowledge or understanding of what has happened to the guy or his business empire. He has been made into some Bond-esque super villain plotting the destruction of the civilised world from a secret head quarters in a hollowed out volcano in Iceland by the media.

He bought the club from Terry Brown and for about a week he was hailed a saviour, we didn't care if he had hooves, a tail and always carried his lucky pitch fork to games, he had saved us from that caravan salesman, promised to spend money and appointed a luvable elf like fella with the catchy nickname of The Egg to run the club.

However within weeks we were not hurtling up the table and no one had spotted Ronaldo at Chadwell Heath for his medical. The fans got restless, Pardew got sacked and Curbs got the job and with it the keys to the cash box. He went on a spending spree that the average Hammers fan could only dream of emulating if he won a trolley dash through LakeSide. Of course none of the signings worked out (although this was not Curbs' fault as he has pointed out since while taking credit for their revival after he had left the club) and relegation looked on the cards. Luckily Carlos Tevez saved us all on his own from this fate by playing every minute of every game in every position, at least that's what Kevin McCabe reckons and we all lived to fight
another day.

Having watched Curbs blow a wad of his cash on some very suspect signings, BG promptly stumped up more money in the summer to make sure we would not have to worry about relegation ever again and even sanctioned the big name signing of Freddie Lunchbox to make sure we felt like a big club and give the girls something to swoon over. Unfortunately, apart from a brisk trade in camera batteries for the ladies Freddie failed to live up to his billing (now that said I would have loved to see how the guy would have done in Zola's team). On top of this the rest of the big money boys keel over like the henchmen in an old Batman episode and again the fans get upset. Needless to say Curbs' backroom team's magic sponge and shoulder shrugging method of treating injuries means we are consigned to a mediocre season of awful football and cringe worthy excuses.

The fans are not happy that the Egg allowed these players be signed for silly money and laughable wages so BG packs him off back to his igloo and brings Scott "its still the 1980s to me" Duxbury, promoting him from his position of legal advisor where he had covered himself in glory in the handle of the Tevez saga. Duxbury asks Curbs if he knows how to sign players who don't cost a fortune and who don't own their own treatment table and when Curbs admits that his only experience of looking around Europe came from a school trip to Grenoble in the 70s, BG brings in Gianluca Nani from Italy, who was signed with the full endorsement and input of Curbs to help out with the scounting and signing of players.

No sooner has Nani polished off his first plate of spag bol, Curbs declares that he cannot work with the guy who he whole heartedly endorsed as the right guy to work alongside him and sods off, leaving the club managerless after the transfer window has closed. Needless to say this had the remaining fans up in arms. BG and Dux draw up a shortlist of top quality potential managers, making sure to publicly rule Big Sam out before they start, and set about interviewing for the job. They get Zola (my thoughts on this have been made clear before) and then BG and Dux go toe to toe with Roman and Kenyon to get Zola the man he wants for an assistant.

Then comes Black September and the world economy takes a nose dive, dragging Iceland with it. Fans immediately blame BG for this, although most of them know nothing of Iceland other than Kerry Katona does the adverts for the place. BG hits some serious financial trouble and the media vultures begin to circle. Talk of administraion, fire sales, knock down buy outs and impending doom dominate the papers. BG comes out and says the club is safe, it is protected and it is self financing and not in any trouble. The red tops refuse to believes this, or simply don't want the truth spoiling a good story and continue to hype the demise of the club.

With the transfer window approaching we are led to believe that all our games in January will be televised on QVC and we fans will be lucky if the seats we are sitting on are not sold out from under us. BG remains firm, Dux does his job, Zola and Nani agree on who stays and who goes and all we end up losing is an upity Welsh prat who we manage to con Citeh into paying £14M for and some of the dross that Curbs signed (Hayden Mullins apart). We even pick up a talented young player who is considered one of the best prospects in Europe, and a decent loan signing to bolster our upturn in form. The injuries keep mounting but the league position keeps climbing, the team keeps getting reshuffled but the football is still good to watch and we are watching some of the most promising youngsters in years coming through into the team

None of this would have happened without BG. He could have chosen to saddle the club with massive debt like Hicks and Gillette did at Liverpool, or Glazier did at Man U.
He could have pressed ahead with a new stadium and mortgaged the club to the hilt like Arsenal did, but instead he ordered plans to be drawn up to increase the capacity to almost 50,000 by redeveloping Upton Park so we could keep our spiritual home.

He has overseen virtually all the clubs best players sign long term deals and Zola and Clarke are about to do the same. Zola himself has come out and said we will be in the market for some big signings in the summer, and you can believe anything that he says. He has reduced the cost of season tickets to help the fans out when Man U are upping their prices again next season to force the fans to shoulder the burden of the clubs debt. And as we have all just seen, he has refused to get involved in penny pinching and using the economy to force the club's non-footballing staff to take pay cuts.

For fans who are so well known for their fierce loyalty to their club, they have shown little to the owner. Do we want to become some Arab's plaything like Citeh, where the manager is in charge of little but laying out the cones for the 5 a side, or leveraged to our eyes with debt, chasing titles like Man U, Arsenal and Liverpool?
BG has turned the club into a financially stable, self financing outfit who can compete for Europe. He deserves out thanks and our respect and whatever happens with his ownership of the club he is by far the best Chairman we have ever had.

Hail to the Chief!

By Celtic Hammer

What have Liverpool, Arsenal, Chelsea and Man Utd done to our game?

Everyone remembers those newsreels of 1930's football crowds with 80,000 happy souls shoe horned into a ground to watch Blackpool and Preston North End play a cup game. Some things stand out in those images, firstly that never in modern day life will there be so much Brillcream in one place, there is no way the guys in the middle had their feet in contact with the ground, just how long was the line for the bogs at half time, and what happened to all those football rattles?

These days the average fan needs to trade in those old clackers for calculators. This week during the anniversary of the Hillsborough disaster Tom Hicks, the co-owner of Liverpool FC, defaulted on a $10M payment on a $525M loan for his American sports interests, the Dallas Stars ice hockey team and the Texas Rangers baseball team. Bloomberg states that this default came about because the teams in question could not meet their operating cost and pay down the debt at the same time. Hick maintains that this is in fact a negotiating tactic with the banks to get them to refinace the loan in reasonable terms.

Now feel free to try and negotiate with your mortgage lender by not paying them and see how long before you’re dossing in a doorway in Charring Cross. The loan was already tenuous, spread as it is between a consortium of some 40 banks. Now this form of borrowing, which was first seen in a major way when Rupert Murdoch scrambled to save his media empire in the late 80s early 90s, does work but only if there is a considerable and realisable amount of assets to secure it against. In Murdoch’s case, there were parts of his empire that could be sold off if any trouble meeting a payment was seen coming. The problem with a sports team is you can’t really sell off a part of it. You can’t sell one stand, the back four and the dressing rooms to fund the rest of the club.

Hicks has stated that he will fund the teams himself should they have any difficulty in meeting their operating costs until such time as new finance can be put in place. It may be half a world away from Stanley Park but what happens in Texas will provide a big insight into the future fate of Liverpool FC. At the start of last year Hicks and Gillette quietly removed the personal assets that they had secured the loan to buy the club with. This does not mean that they felt the club would fail or the assets would be called in by the club’s lenders, its more likely they were needed to shore up other businesses in their respective empires. They may well have felt they could weather the storm elsewhere and put the assets back before the deadline to refinance LFC fell due in January 09. They couldn’t and they didn’t.

Instead the banks RBS and Wachovia (which is also one of the lenders that Hicks defaulted on in the US this week) were asked to refinance the club (at this stage the plans for a new stadium were well and truly off the table) with only the club’s cashflow and assets as any means of both securing and repaying the loan.. They refused. The only thing that could be agreed was a 6 month extension to provide the necessary security, find another lender, bring in new investors or sell the club. To date, and for various reasons, none of those things has happened.

In August 2010 Malcom Glazier will have to refinance Manchester United’s almost 3 quarters of a billion pounds of debt. Man U are financed by what is called a PIK loan where the principal is not repayed, the interest is merely serviced. Glazier has recently reached an agreement with 3 New York hedge funds (Perry Capital, Och-Ziff and Citadel) whereby, should he fail to be able to refinance, they will assume majority control of the club. No plan has been offered by Glazier at any point as to how the principle, which was £660M last time around, will ever be repaid.

Arsenal have always been held up as a very astute club who had resisted the urge to either go down the route of massive borrowings or throwing open the baordroom doors to the nouveau riche. Their plan involved borrowing to build a new stadium which would generate the cash from ticket sales due to increased capacity to allow them to compete with the biggest clubs in Europe. They would pay off this loan by redeveloping the Highbury site into a mixed used retail, commercial and residential development which, when sold, could pay off the cost of the new stadium (this is a simplified version but I fear I am already risking boring people). The idea was good, the idea would have served as a model for other clubs, if the launch of the new development hadn’t arrived in the middle of the biggest world recession since before the war. Now they have the debt from the new stadium, the debt from the Highbury development and no sign of the profit they had hoped to generate. As of last November, the clubs debts were listed at £320M but these accounts still listed Highbury Square as an asset. Now they face a carve up of the club between Russia (well technically it’s Uzbekistan) and America.

Chelski seemed immune to this, their own pet Russian had bottomless pockets and was happy to throw money at the club like it was going out of fashion. In fact he has thrown about £600M (excluding the purchase price) at the club since he bought it. At the height of his powers he was worth a reputed £12Billion. What he is worth now is really anyone’s guess. According to RIA Novosti, the Russian press agency, his companies have lost $9billion of their value in the collapse of the Russian stock market. It has also been reported that he had to sign over his holdings in North America to he VTB in order to secure $2Billion in financing to shore up his empire. What is known is that he has cut 15 of the clubs scouting staff, forced the players to pay for their meals at the clubs training complex, reduced the number of free tickets given to players to two each and insisted that plans be drawn up to repay the money he has lent the club.

Ultimately who is it that will pay for this? For the greed or vanity of rich men? Easy, I will, so will you, so will every football fan. All of us who have stood in the rain and sang ourselves hoarse, who have gone without to buy our tickets when times were tough and who spent freely in the club shops and hospitality areas when times were good. Man U fans have seen a 42% increase in ticket prices since the Glaziers took over the club. Liverpool fans must look at July and think, what will happen their club. Arsenal must wonder if their squad will be cherry picked by the likes of Real Madrid, Barcalona, or the Milan clubs. Chelsea fans must think what happens if Roman loses interest in the club, there is no way they can possible support themselves without his money.

If Michel Platini gets his way, then clubs will be limited to the amount of their turnover they can spend on transfers and wages, and those who fail to adhere to this would be blocked from entering European competitions. This is not meant to be an attack on the clubs mentioned, nor is it intended to make out that they are the only ones guilty of this, all clubs in their own way mortgage their future for present success. Football is a risk, that’s part of the thrill, that’s what makes you dig deep every summer and buy your season ticket. All fans dream of watching their club win cup finals, or getting into Europe, our hopes and dreams are what tie us to our clubs. But while we dream of success they dream of more money. While we think of cup runs, they think of Asian media rights and global image sales.

To paraphrase the 70's one hit wonder "What have they done to my club ma?"

Submitted By Celtic Hammer

Why Curbishley was NOT the disaster some would have us believe! Hotshot opines!

When Curb’s was on TV on route for an interview to become West Ham’s football manager, I was praying, please don’t let him become manager, especially as West Ham now seem to have the backing of a Billionaire. I thought it would show a real lack of ambition, and that we should be looking to appoint a top international manager.

My worst fears were realised when he became manager, and I was one of the cynics right from the off, saying we had chosen an average football manager that didn’t fit the new aspirations and financial clout of the club.

I remember people in forums showing blind loyalty to him, and vitriol was directed towards me for stating the blindingly obvious. They persisted to support him because he was English, nay even from the East End of London. It was entertaining to see over that year people’s opinions gradually change, until finally it seemed almost all sentient West Ham fans had witnessed enough of his boring football, along with his dour TV personality, and his footballing philosophy which amounted to nothing more than staying in the league or constantly saying he was ‘stabilising the ship’.

So when he finally walked, ironically because the clubs technical director Nani had sold two average players, and replaced them with a much better midfielder and defender, I was the first person cheering and relieved that we could now get back to showing the ambition that the club finally deserved, and appoint a manager that would be an attractive prospect for players to play for, and one that I could wholeheartedly get behind and support.

In came Gianfranco Zola, and although I was as surprised as anyone else at the choice, I at least thought that world class players may be attracted by the prospect of playing for him, and thought that if his winning mindset could rub off, and his contacts be utilised, that the future would be brighter than under Curbs.

Now people are raving on about Zola’s exploits, and the new players that he has at his disposal, thanks to Nani’s wheeling and dealing and the academy graduates coming of age. And it is regularly reported that Curbs bought a load of lemons and wasted the money and resources that were initially pumped into the club. Now that’s where I draw the line, although many of the same people that were supporting Curbs, are now slating him, I do acknowledge that his purchases were actually very shrewd. They were also necessary in keeping the team in the Premier League at the time, and it could be agued that he didn’t pay over the odds, when you compare the purchase prices with those of Spurs, or other clubs.

Bellamy – his class is not in question, Champions League experience, a potent striker, he brought a goal scoring edge and pacey dynamic that the team has since sorely missed. He was chased by quite a few clubs and later sold on for nearly double the fee paid for him.

Upson – became an England international and must again be worth at least double the fee we paid for him, and among the best centre- halves in the Premier League.

Parker – one of the best defensive midfielders in the league who again could have been sold for more than double the fee paid for him, and was chased by many clubs, during the January transfer window.

Neill – Although suspect at times, with his shirt tugging and lack of speed, has been a steadying influence in the team and at times shown the worth of his transfer fee.

Dyer – No doubt the ability to win games with his speed, creativity and eye for goal. Also an England international when fit, and at least worth the fee paid and could prove a bargain if he doesn’t get injured 

Boa Morte – The boo boys are starting to choke on their pies, as he is showing that he is well worth the fee paid for him and adds speed and attacking options to the team.

Cole – Ok Curbs didn’t buy him, but when many fans would have had him sold and shipped off to Canvey Island, Curbs kept him and saw and developed his potential, which he is now beginning to realise.

Now onto Curb’s relatively small number of doubtful purchases.

Quasie – I can’t defend this one – Enough said.

Ljungberg – Was bought for a very small fee, apparently very high wages though, not sure if he was past his best – we’ll never know.

Davenport – bought for a smallish fee, the club should be able to recuperate most if not all of it back, and for the record played well for the team when Collins/ Upson was injured.

If people require further proof of Curbs ability to identify good talent, he also tried to purchase Ashley Young and Darren Bent among others whose, attacking and goal scoring talents are not in doubt.

When people blame Curbs or the Eggmeister for allowing inflated wages, lets remember it was one of the few tools of leverage the club had at their disposal at that time – and so was justified. Why else would top quality players joined a team fighting against relegation?

So, Curbs although I didn’t think you were the right manager for the long term (or even the short tem), I do acknowledge this, that the players that you identified, tried to purchase and did purchase were overall very good! Good luck in your next job mate!

Hotshot C

Perfect - Chelsea Draw And Can't Win The Prem!

A perfect couple of results tonight. With the Mancs winning and Chelsea only drawing, the Plastics are now six points off the pace and Fergie's mercenaries still have a game in hand. Chelsea cannot now win the Premiership.

And the significance of this? They come to Upton Park on Saturday, three days before the Champions League battle with Barcelona. Now tell me, where will their priorities be? If we make it a tasty affair, with some hard (but fair) challenges in the opening minutes, will the Glory Boys really fancy it? Three points in a forlorn chase for the Prem or victory over Barcelona in the Champions League semifinal? It is a no brainer really isn't it? Will they risk any key players already feeling niggles or strains? They are already without Terry on Tuesday, can they afford to lose Essien, Drogba, Ballack or Lampard?

I am not saying we will win. I am not even saying we will draw. All I am saying is that tonight's results made it less likely that Chelsea will steam roller us as they did last year. Perhaps Lucas can point out the risks in the tunnel before we go out onto the pitch. "Fancy playing on Tuesday? If I were you, I would stay away from the ball!"

Budget Boosts West Ham's Transfer Kitty!

Alistair Darling has announced that from next month any player aged over thirty years old can be exchanged for £2,000,000 against the price of a replacement.

The scrap scheme, which was unveiled during the 2009 budget speech in parliament, is designed to help encourage regeneration of football squads in the Premiership. £300billion will be ploughed into scrapping our old nags, and the scheme will end by March 2010 - or whenever the funds run out.

The first question owners of older players will ask is, of course, "How do I scrap my Boa-Morte?" In order to qualify for scrapping your old nag, it must be useless on the ball, weigh more than 13 stone 5 pounds, be registered as a player in the UK before 1st August 1999, be on record with the FA and, crucially, must have been with the current owner for more than one year.

To scrap your player, you must also hold a valid health certificate for it - which the Government has insisted on working into the scrap scheme to prevent owners of forgotten, rusty heaps like Freddie Ljungberg scrapping them for unfair profit. Furthermore, there's no limit on the ability rating of the player purchased in any deal, which is thought to be a move to help sales of high performance luxury players - like Kaka and Ronaldo for example. Participating clubs will handle the whole process from start to finish: filling out the paperwork and taking the old clapped out player to be scrapped, with no significant delays expected.

The move means that, for example,less than average ability 32 -year-old duds like Luis Boa-Morte and Nigel Quashie, who are currently worth pennies on the transfer market, will now be worth a cool £2,000,000 each to their lucky owners. However, it also means than many perfectly good, serviceable players will be scrapped in favour of a new player, which the PFA claims will prematurely shorten playing careers.

That said, the Society of Premier League Clubs has already voiced its approval of the scheme, with chief executive Paul Everitt saying: "This is good news for the fans and will kick-start squad renewal. Clubs such as West Ham United will be mightily relieved that at last they can off load the dead wood in their squad and raise finance into the bargain."

Caption Competition Two

Any suggestions? How about, "You can have the three points today if we can have Tevez in the summer!"?

An Allegory For The Curbishley Era!

Get this for a weird story! Stay with it, you will see the admittedly contrived West Ham link!

A judge in Stuttgart, Germany, is currently trying to decide on a lawsuit in which a man hired his neighbour to impregnate his wife.

It gets weirder.

Demetrius Soupolos, 29, and his former beauty queen wife, Traute, were very keen to have a child together, but Demetrius was sterile so they began to seek out other possible options.

The option the couple eventually decided on was to hire their neighbour Frank Maus, 34, to impregnate Traute.

Maus, who was already married with two children agreed to do the job for the fee of €2,000. For three evenings a week for the next six months, a total of 72 different times, Maus tried to impregnate Traute.

When his own wife objected, Maus explained that he was "only doing it for the money."

After the unsuccessful six-month period Soupolos insisted that Maus take a medical examination. The doctor concluded that Maus was also sterile, which forced his wife into admitting that their two children did not belong to him.

Soupolos is now suing Maus in an effort to get his money back. Maus' argument is that he did not guarantee conception, only that he would try his hardest.

It all reminds me of Curbishley being recruited to lead us into the Champions League! After goodness knows how many impotent performances, the hapless Curbishley admitted he wasn't up to the job and walked away with his limp tail between his legs. In a weird twist, however, it was Curbishley who tried to bring the legal action, claiming his failure to rise to the occasion was down to broken promises from his employer!

Olympics Threat to West Ham.

Does talk of a GB team for the London Olympics pose a threat to West Ham? If I understand it correctly, players beneath a certain age have to be released for the Olympics teams if they are selected. For many clubs, this would not be a huge problem, but with our rapidly emerging young talent, could we find ourselves seriously disadvantaged in 2012? At this stage, Noble, Collison, Stanislas and Tomkins would appear very good bets for GB selection, with Sears an outside possibility. In addition, given anticipated progress, Savio could well be in the German squad. That means we could lose as many as 5 of our then first team, and that is not allowing for the progress of our young Icelandic lad, Stech, Bajner and Spence, all of whom hopefully have bright futures ahead of them.

Now I am patriotic and a passionate fan of the England team, but for me, the Olympics has nothing to do with football, and I would be furious if players were unavailable for selection for West Ham because they had been picked for the GB team. Personally, I think the FA and the Premier League should wash their hands of the whole event and say that the World Cup is football's Olympics!

Faubert doesn't know what day of the week it is!

Well, nobody at Upton Park will be surprised by Faubert's latest faux pas. After failing to show up for training, Le Sulk claimed that he thought it was a day off! Funny, I have seen a dozen or so games where Faubert was in the team but went AWOL when the teams ran out on to the pitch! "I knew I was in the side but I thought I had the day off"! Now it all makes sense!

Man Utd and Arsenal are the New British Rail!

Remember those old excuses from British Rail? They bought machinery to clear leaves from the lines, then come the next autumn the trains didn't run and we were told, "They were the wrong type of leaves". Then there was the British Rail snowplough that didn't work because it was the "wrong type of snow"! British Rail became a laughing stock, the butt of every stand up comic's joke. They were getting there, but "there" was a terminus called Ridicule!

Now Arsenal and Manchester United look set to claim the British Rail mantle of absurdity. According to a bleating Fergie, he picked his team based, not on the strengths or weaknesses of the opposition, but on the "deadness" of the pitch. Wenger, meanwhile, has jumped on the bandwagon, claiming Wembley will "never" have a pitch suitable for a "good match". What absolute and complete tosh! Have you ever encountered grapes sourer than these? Arsenal and Manchester United didn't go out of the Cup because of the state of the pitch but because, in Arsenal's case, Wenger's bloody mindedness has stopped him buying a keeper worthy of a top 4 team, and in the Mancs' case, because over paid primadonnas can't tuck away a penalty when the pressure is on. Don't blame the pitch you pillocks, look in the mirror!

Wembley will never have a pitch suitable for a good match? So every single Derby County game played under Clough and Dave Mackay was rubbish was it? From late October to the end of the season, the Baseball Ground pitch resembled the trenches of the Somme, but somehow Clough and Mackay managed to persuade their players to play an attractive passing game, securing the League Title in the process. "Dead and Spongy", dear God, I would love to see these pampered buffoons play on the pitches of the 60s & 70s! When West Ham overcame Manchester United to reach the 64 Final, the pitch was such a mud bath that you could barely tell the two teams apart by the end of the game. Did Busby complain after the match? No, the guy had more dignity. If his team could rise from the ashes of the Munich air crash, he wasn't going to bleat about a muddy pitch and use it as an excuse for a defeat. Let's face it, the pitch is the same for both sides!

If a West Ham manager moaned in this way, I would feel ashamed. Roeder famously signed his dismissal when he took the team back to the hotel to change because the away dressing room was not up to standard. Look at Zola, eight players ruled out by injury and does he look for an excuse? Does he heck, he just smiles and purrs about his team of kids and old nags rising to the challenge.

The fact is, both Arsenal and Manchester United were found wanting this weekend. In Arsenal's case, they lacked the quality to defeat Chelsea; in Manchester United's case, they lacked respect for the competition. I am so glad that Everton knocked them out. If Ferguson thinks his team is too big for the competition then he should take a running jump.

This has simply confirmed what we have always known, that although they are undoubtedly great winners, Ferguson and Wenger are the most appalling losers. That is why they will never hold a torch to the true greats of the game - Busby, Paisley and Clough. Clough complain about the pitch? Clough pick a side based on the deadness of the turf? I can hear him now, "Listen sonny, Revie might blame the pitch but we just go and play whatever the conditions!"

Will Everton's win help us to make the Europa League? Or will Tottenham, Fulham or Man City benefit?

Traditionally, club's that reach the FA Cup Final who are not in contention for the title, suffer a dip in form in the League at the fag end of the season. With boyhood dreams about to be realised, players, unless they are called Hayden Mullins, don't want to run the risk of missing out through injury or suspension. 50-50 balls suddenly become 40-60 balls in favour of the opposition and the desire to "run through walls" for the club suddenly evaporates. It has been a long season already and those niggling injuries are felt with a new keenness. Why play in a relatively meaningless league game and risk aggravating the injury, thereby putting yourself out of the Final? Dust off the, "Sorry boss, I'm still feeling it, I don't think I can play today" speech or, if the manager insists, the wave to the bench after ten minutes and an anxious hobble, hand grasping the calf. Remember Upson ahead of the recent England game? Down on his backside, roll down the sock, shake of the head, on with the stretcher, feet up until the internationals. It is as easy as that!

And of course, Everton are now in Europe, they qualified by reaching the Final against Champions League qualifiers. We don't want their form to nose dive so badly that they lose sixth place, of course, unless it is to us which would be perfect if it knocked out a seventh place Tottenham, but with a buffer of 8 points over Fulham and Tottenham, that is unlikely. Sadly, Everton's fixtures between now and that final don't only involve a match against ourselves but also games against Tottenham, Man City and Fulham. It could well be that a place in that Europa League is at the gift of the Toffees. Last three Everton fixtures before that final? Amazingly, Tottenham at home, West Ham at home and Fulham away. How is that for a coincidence?

First up for them, on Wednesday, is a game away to Chelsea, the team they now meet in the Final. Now hopefully this is a game that will see them fully motivated for obvious reasons. A blood and thunder battle that sees Chelsea bruised and battered ahead of the game at Upton Park would do very nicely. If Everton could get a draw, and United win their game on the same night, Chelsea would effectively be out of the race for the Premiership. How hungry would the Chelsea players then be three days ahead of a Champions League semifinal against Barcelona? Would they risk Drogba, Lampard and Terry for a London derby? If they did, might Lucas persuade them early doors that discretion is the better part of valour?

All ifs and buts I know, but we have to somehow cobble together the points in a difficult run in. Three points at Everton and at least one at home to Chelsea would be a huge help. But the team who must be really laughing? Fulham. Remember when Liverpool fielded their stiffs and effectively kept the Cottagers in the Premiership? Well there is every chance now that they will be facing a heavily understrength Everton team at the Cottage in the last game of the season. If that isn't a gimme game, I don't know what is!

Celtic Hammer's Villa Verdict

18 hours in Birmingham, a point well earned, an unused hotel room and a man with a lot of explaining to do. That pretty much sums up yesterday for me!

Hammersfan I am actually in Spain at the moment mate so I flew from Malaga with BMI Baby to Birmingham yesterday. I had a feeling it was going to be a good day, there was sod all traffic on the drive into Malaga and I got parking within minutes, giving me plenty of time to grab my carry on bag (I had packed my laptop and mobile internet connection as I was sure I would be posting this from my hotel room last night after my cousin wussed out and went home after the game) and arrived uncustomarily early at the check in desk. I got a text from my cousin to say he only rated his chances as 50/50 of being allowed to stay the night in Birmingham. I sent him back a quick guilt laden text of how I had only seen him once since he moved to Redditch (he works in Birmingham but commutes from there for some reason) and he was to tell his missus he would be back almost as good as new sometime on Sunday and, that after all, how much damage could we do when my flight was leaving at 6am Sunday morning?

The flight was good. I like BMI they treat you with just enough contempt to let you know that you're and incovenience but not enough to make you actually apologise so you and the crew can settle into a nice little rut of ignoring each other for the flight. I have to be honest, Birmingham isn't the prettiest city in the world when approached from the air; I can only imagine that the first wave of German bombers turned up and thought someone had beaten them to it.

I met my cousin at the hotel, which was the Etap hotel, providing a glimpse into what must have been considered luxury in communist Albania. The trip was short notice and even if my cousin was summoned home after the match, I was going to be checking out at 4am for my flight back. I could tell his resolve was crumbling and reckoned a decent result could tip him over the edge into a night on the tiles in Birmingham.

My cousin had picked up the tickets but has annoyingly never grown out of the cash strapped early 20s belief that any ticket that didn't involve climbing over a wall or shimmying up a telephone pole was good enough, so we were stuck in a filled in corner at the Holt end.

I know we haven't got the best record at Villa but I always enjoy a trip there: the stewards are polite and the Villa fans are really top notch. Chatting to many of them on the way into the game, the mere hint of an Irish accent and they start waxing lyrical about Paul McGrath. They were gutted to hear he is little more than a down and out drunk at this stage (allegedly).

I hadn't heard any team news so I was keen to see if Parker or at least Kovac were fit and I was a little worried when I heard they were both out and we were starting with the same 11 as we had against the spuds. But when the game started it looked like we would rip Villa apart. From our seats we had a perfect view when Stanislas carved through the Villa defense - it looked like everyone else was running in slow motion, good god the kid is quick. We were out of our seats celebrating when the ball left his boot, only for Freidle to get a hand (or an arm) to it. It's almost a shame there are only 5 games left because the more that kid plays, the better he looks. He is bright, always alert, has a fantastic work ethic and is always keen to get on the ball and make things happen. Tomkins look great coming forward from full back but he is still a little suspect positionally. I don't think it will hamper his development though as I see him as being a starting center half next season.

The injury to Ginge actually improved things for us as Lucas went back to right back which gave our back 4 more shape and organisation. Now I know a lot of people think he is over paid and not the greatest full back in the world, but I think the guy is class. I have always had a soft spot for full backs who push the letter of the law to its limit. I was a huge fan of Tomas Repka and I think Lucas is in the same mould, albeit with a lot more upstairs. His method of dealing with Ashley Young was pure class, tug at him, tug at him, kick him, shove him, kick him again and then look shocked when he flares up and gets himself booked! All the while looking at the ref with a face that's a picture of innocence. Brilliant!

I don't know what we paid for Ilunga or what we are paying the guy as a salary, but whatever it is, it is a bargain. The guy is fantastic. He has tidied up his defending since he arrived and looks a real handful going forward. In a full strength team he would be a brilliant attacking outlet.

I know most of you have seen the game, the highlights and the Sunday morning post mortem so I will refrain from giving you a match report. There are a few things I want to say about the game yesterday. Firstly, Tomkins will be a future captain of England, the guy is pure class. Playing alongside Upson he certainly didn't look the junior partner in the centre of defence. Rob Green must sign a new contract, although I felt he could have done more for their goal, he is the best English keeper around. I was thrilled to see Tristan score and yes he meant it. You can see the guy is struggling with the pace of the game and the fact that the legs just won't do what his mind is telling them, but the way he tackled back in the 92 minute made me glad we signed him. He probably won't stay beyond this season but I will always cherish the memory of seeing the great Diego Tristan play and score for West Ham. DiMichele is trying to hard right now, he desperately wants to do well for the club and at times the guy looks a different class. Remember it was his two touches that set Cole up for goal against Wigan. I hope he bags a new deal as I think the young players could learn so much from him technically. Noble tried to take the weight of the world on his shoulders again yesterday and his performance suffered from it. Watching Dyer walk of the pitch, he look very fresh which is a great thing for the club. Every game he plays he looks more like the player he was. We were sitting with mostly Villa fans and they all agreed that we are having a superb season and Zola and Clarke are doing a brilliant job.

One funny note was when Villa brought on DelFouneso who we pormptly christened The Fonze and everytime he got near the ball we went "EEEEEHHHHHHH". A few of the Villa fans even joined.

I did think it was going to be another plucky defeat until Tristan's deft header, at which point I turned to my cousin and told him to ring his missus and tell her he wouldn't be home. He said it would be simpler to text her and then turn his phone off. We could have bagged a late winner and to be fair it was the type of game that any end scoreline could have been easily argued and being deserved.

We hit a few bars near the ground when the match was over and had a good laugh with some Villa fans. Interestingly enough, they all wish the club had made more of an effort in the UEFA cup as they never really felt a top 4 finish was on for them this year but said O'Neill (who we all agreed reminded us of that really cool geography teacher you had in school) was under pressure from Learner to concentrate on the league even though the fans said their squad was no where near good enough. We also all reckon that if you watch a video of John Barnes with the settings wrong on your tv so the picture gets stretched, its like watching John Carew. Naturally we apologised for landing them with Nigel Reo Coker.

We ended up in the Island bar with the great and the good of brumms social scene where the main topic of the night was if an accent can make a girl more or less attractive. Despite hours of debate all we could agree on was that a brummie accent wasn't necessarily so off putting (not like a scouse accent). Unfortunately by the time we had reached this conclusion it was chucking out time and there was nothing to do but head back to the hotel.

By the time we got there it was obvious there was no point in my going to sleep if I wanted to actually wake up for my flight so I grabbed my bag while my cousin stood in the doorway waiting for the bed to pass by again so he could collapse on it. I headed to the airport and grabbed some kip in the departure lounge and some more on the plane, where I was told that I couldn't sit at the emergency exit seat (I need the legroom) if I was going to sleep through the safety briefing. I pointed out that unless anything had changed radically from the flight over yesterday I felt confident I had retained the gist of it.

I had some breakfast in Malaga airport, taking time to ring the hotel in Birmingham and asking them to keep trying the phone in the room until my cousin answered before wishing him luck in keeping his testicles when he got back to the wife, before driving home to crash on the couch and shout encouragement at Newcastle (now there is an accent that improves how attractive a girl is) while filling you in on my trip.
I can spend the next few days soaking up some sun and worrying about the upcoming game with Chelski!

Celtic Hammer.

West Ham Takeaway - From Ice Cold to Cooking Hot!

Well we have done North so why not try East? We have tried the deep freezer, so why not try a spell in the cooker? Talk about from one extreme to the other! The little old East End cockle and winkle stall that was West Ham United looks set to whizz from the far north of Iceland to the Far East of, well we are not quite sure where. Another Thai dodgy billionaire perhaps? Or maybe an oil rich Arab? Or perhaps a steely Indian?

In a strange way, and given what the banks have been up to it is a very strange way indeed, I was kind of looking forward to the idea of being owned by a consortium of banks. There seemed something almost old fashioned and quaint about the idea of level headed bankers making sound business decisions about the future of the club. This wasn't going to be a crazy ego (or Eggyo?) trip, but a period of stability, with the club run properly to maximise its sell on value.

Now, all of a sudden, it appears that we may be about to become somebody else's plaything, a pleasure doll to be used for the amusement of some mega-rich slime-bag who will no doubt take his pleasures and then shaft us according to his whims. Oh he may dress us up like a tart and walk us out on the town for a while, but there will be no love in the relationship, no real understanding of what we care about, about what we represent, and if we start to sag a bit in the vital areas, you can bet your frilly knickers he will lose interest and look for his thrills elsewhere.

We are in the shop window again it seems, a naked mannequin or, worse still, a painted tart fronting a Bangkok brothel. You wouldn't want to see your sister paraded like this and, as a member of the West Ham family, I am squirming as I imagine some fat grease-bag stranger eying up and down the love of my life before fantasizing about what he is going to do to her.

An orgy of bankers or sold into slavery to somebody from the Orient? The choice isn't great, but of the two, I would go with the former. At least the bankers would be interested in due diligence and protecting the assets. When you are somebody's whore, there is no thought for your long term well being!

Zola Tries to Energise Beano!

You have to love this guy Zola, he just does not know when the odds are stacked against him! Arsenal, Chelsea and Liverpool away? No problem, we can take a point at each! Villa away with eight players ruled out by injury? Let's go and play some football! Hungry banks circling the club like vultures? It is not a problem, we play football and the rest will take care of itself! But now, surely, the guy has bitten off more than he can chew. Zola is actually expecting Beano to get off his death bed and play a game of football - this season!

The little package of positive thought has been quoted as saying of Beano, "He would have made a big difference to us this year. He can give us something extra, especially with goals. We are looking forward to having him back soon."

"It would be fantastic if he could maybe play a game or two before the end of the season. It would be really great not only for him but for the supporters and for the club.

"His finishing is amazing. This team's build-up is very good. Maybe we lack a little bit of finishing which is something Dean Ashton has in his blood so he would be the perfect player for us."

Wonderful stuff from Zola, but he obviously doesn't realise that it takes Ashton six months to get into condition even after he has started playing! "Run? Jump? You want me to run and jump already? I am only 10 games in to my comeback!"

I think the only way we will see Ashton play this season is if Zola trades his tracksuit for silks and saddles up the giant chestnut. Move aside Motson, give the microphone over to Graham Goode! " And they're coming down the tunnel onto the pitch and Beano is hanging a little, trying to take the corridor down to the treatment room, but Zola has his whip in his left hand and has given him a couple of slaps down his hind quarters as a reminder. Oh dear, it's started to drizzle and you can see that Beano doesn't like that. Zola has given him a couple of kicks in his ribs with his heels and it looks as if he might actually get him out on to the pitch this time. But no, what's this, Beano has reared up and is trying to throw his jockey! But Zola has remained calm. He is walking him around in circles. They are calling for the hood now. Zola is nudging him forward, Clarke is leading him by the bridle and, yes, that's it! Beano is actually on the pitch! Beano is ready to race! Over to John McCririck for the latest betting."

School Boy Error

So what was that all about yesterday? This is the Premiership, the most successful, highly marketed football league in the world. This fixture has been on the calender for the best part of nine months and the authorities and both clubs have been aware for God knows how many years that both teams wear the same colours. So what happens? As the two sides start getting changed, it dawns on the referee that the proposed kits are too similar and could lead to him making erroneous decisions.

How? How did we get to the point where Villa were searching for a replacement kit and had to take to the field without names on their shirts?

As if to prove Rob Styles' point, in the final minute, Tomkins and Carew came together in the box and an arm definitely came in contact with the ball. Now it was hard enough for the officials to spot in real time anyway, as was proven by their failure to see it, but had both arms been in sky blue sleeves, it would have been near impossible to say who was the offender. Imagine an arm going up and hitting the ball in a crowded box at a corner; how would a match official determine whose arm it was if both teams were wearing the same coloured sleeves?

This was a crass, stupid, schoolboy error and highlights the fact that there is still a lack of joined up thinking in our game. If we can't even cope with an issue as straightforward as teams wearing different coloured shirts, how on earth can we expect officials and clubs to get their minds around complex issues like third party agreements?

(Caption for the picture above? The one on the right is saying: "What's in the case? My friend's packed lunch.")

Best Performance of the Day - West Ham at Villa

After time to reflect and having watched back the highlights on Match of the Day, I think it is fair to say that ours was the best performance of the day. That result away to Villa, with so many players out injured, was remarkable in itself, but the result was in fact earned, it was not as fortunate as I called it immediately after the game.

Let's be honest, Green didn't have that much to do at the end of the day did he? Now, to be fair, that is in part down to the profligacy of Barry, Heskey and Carew, all of whom should have done better from clear cut chances - goals are pretty big things and really international players should at least force a save when given a chance in the penalty box, never mind from on the edge of the six yard box (Barry) and especially from inside it (Carew)!

But we were not without our own chances. Stanislas did force a save after bursting through brilliantly and had Tomkins squared to Stanislas later, instead of scooping the ball over, I am sure Junior would have been celebrating his second senior goal. LBM flirted with the idea of scoring, Noble's deflected effort was tipped over and we played pin ball in the Villa goalmouth after Di Michele burst through. And actually Tristan did get a deliberate deflection on his header after all.

That is impressive against the fifth placed team in the Premiership. I know that position may flatter Villa but they have accumulated enough points to be there and they are something of a bogey team for West Ham.

Some will argue that Chelsea overcoming Arsenal to reach the FA Cup Final qualifies for performance of the day but that was on the back of two poor goalkeeping mistakes by their stand in Pole. For me, a virtual reserve team trading blows with Villa and coming away with a point, was the more impressive. In fact, that penalty claim apart, we were much the better team after that equalising goal. It makes you wonder what we could achieve with a forward or two worth the name!

Villa 1 West Ham 1 A draw in the face of advillaersity!

Wow, I'm not sure if that result says more about us or Villa. It is easier to list the players available to us rather than go through those ruled out, and we still came away with a 1-1 draw, despite losing Collins to yet another injury! Martin O'Nutter must be tearing what's left of his hair out after this game, we were surely there for the taking after going an early goal down but his side were patently not up to the task. Perhaps Tottenham are a bit special after all - they did manage to beat this West Ham team after all and nobody else seems up to that task!

At half time I feared the worst. Boa was already on a yellow and had been lucky to escape an earlier one for a late challenge on the edge of our box. The clever money was on him making a clumsy challenge and getting his marching orders. Tristan looked slower than Benny in an IQ exam and as committed as a eunuch in a brothel. Stanislas looked to have blown our best chances of scoring and I was anticipating Young skinning Neill second half and putting a few on a plate for Carew.

As it happened, luck was on our side today. Yes Clarke and Zola organised us pretty well defensively again and yes, in spells, we looked impressive with the ball, the quick interchange of passes promising a lot until the disappointing final ball; but, in truth, Villa had the chances to bury us before our equaliser.

Did Tristan mean that? I am not entirely convinced. His first "goal" bounced off him from a Cole shot and whilst he did get his head on this one, I don't think he knew much, if anything, about it. Until that goal I thought he was awful but he did get the goal so we can't damn the guy can we?

Player ratings: Green 6, Tomkins 7 Collins 6 Upson 7 Ilunga 6 Boa 6 Neill 6 Noble 7 (apart from that awful back pass!) Stanislas 6 Di Michele 5 Tristan 5, Dyer 5, Savio 6 Sears 6

Zola and Clarke, the new Clough and Taylor! Eat your hearts out Tottenham, Chelsea, Liverpool and Man City!

Zola signed a rolling contract which would be reviewed at the end of each season. So a new contract would always have had to have been discussed at this stage of the season. It is going to be a 4 year contract in recognition of the fact that when all the circumstances of the season are measured and weighed, Zola has done superbly. I know the earlier Zola post was worded so as to invite debate but what the hell, I'll bite.

Zola took over a side who for the latter half of the previous season had looked as far removed from a West Ham side as it was possible to get without ringing up Vinnie Jones and asking if he and his old Wimbledon mates fancied coming out of retirement. Not only were our results shocking but the football we had played was turgid, woeful crap that would make the average Sunday league time cringe. Curbs had shown an ability to spend money badly, fail to motivate a team and when it came to tactics, well he seemed to think they were those little white minty things that "gave you a lift".

A number of high profile candidates were linked with the job and some were interviewed and when the board met Zola they found the one guy who had the ultimate quality, a quality so rare that it wasn't even on the list of requirements for the job. Duxbury didnt know it existed before he met Zola and, to be fair, neither did anyone else on the board.

GiannFranco Zola is the embodiment of West Ham United Football Club. He is the greatest player to never have played for the club. If you took the essence of what our club stands for, the sheer joy of playing football, the sense that principles matter more than trophies, that sportsmanship is a sign of strength not weakness and that dedication to the art of football is every bit as important as studying the science of football, then it exists in a 5ft6 Sardinian.

There was only one other person on the medias list who could come close and that was Paolo DiCanio. Now dont get me wrong if PDC managed WestHam I would follow that man to the gates of Hell and if he told me to I would walk right through them and kick the Devil in the arse. When I was in Rome for the Ireland Italy 6nations game this year I tied a WestHam scarf to the railing of the Stadio Flaminio where he played his last season. But with Paolo there is an element of the flawed genius, there is a dark side, there is a temper, he and Zola are like fire and ice. They share the same spirit and skill and love of the game but Zola is calmer, more pragmatic, while Paolo is a raging inferno GiannFranco is cold steel.

The board gave us exactly what we demanded from our club in the form of a manager. This was in fact a bigger risk than simply giving us PDC, because if they had done that me, you and every Hammers fan would have defended him to the death.

Zola took on a club with an identity crisis, the name The Academy of Football was becoming a snide comment from other fans. He came in and tried to give us exactly what we wanted, WestHam football and it looked against Blackburn and Newcastle that it would work like a charm, but it didnt, we stumbled, it was too far too soon. This is when we see the pragmatism of Zola come through, he lets Clarke influence team affairs more, he ups the work level on the training pitch, goes back to learning to walk before trying to run, giving the players the tools to do the job he wants them to do. He then places himself squarely in the media spotlight, barely a month into his first job and accepts the blame for the teams failings. He allows a reputation as one of the most gifted players the game has ever seen take a battering in the press to protect his team, to draw the focus away from their short commings, to allow Clarke to work unfettered from the press glare. He takes it week after week and every time he stands up to accept responsibility, the team watch him go out of the dressing room to throw himself to the lions to protect them. They know they may never be the player he was but for him, for what he is doing for them they will be the best player they can be, no more than that they will be the best player he can make them be.

Suddenly things start to change, the team stops the rot. As fortunes change, Zola points to Clarke and the players and says its down to them. When we stumble he goes forward and again says its down to him, he picks us up by letting himself be knocked down. With more strife off field than an Eastenders Christmas special, he remains calm and dignified and never, not once, chooses to use it as an excuse. He is resolute in defending the club, its position, its plans and its people.

He is brave enough to take the hard decisions, he lets players go in the window, he puts his trust in the players he keeps. When his first major signing isn't an instant success he doesn't let his ego force him to play the kid week in week out with the pressure mounting, he lets him find his feet, he puts the individual's needs above those of his own. He tells him he will be a great player and gives him the time to become one.

He is respectful of other managers, responding with good humour and honesty about their comments, he doesn't blame referees or linesmen, if they are wrong he says so but says it is part of football and doesn't use them as scapegoats.

Even now with the club in 7th he refuses any credit. As injuries mount he refuses to lower his expectations for the club, he will not take the easy option. Even Martin O'Neill has started blaming Villa losing their Champions League chances on injuries but not Zola, and because of that what he says rings true. He is believable, and if he believes then so can we.

The man gets offered a 4 year deal for increased money and does he jump at it? No he agrees to it, so long as his assistant and backroom team get similar deals. Zola and Clarke will be the new Taylor and Clough, they will put our club where we want it to be and not force us to choose between success and the traditions that made us love this club in the first place. They will mould the next generation of WestHam players into a winning team by taking all that is great and good about WestHam and fusing it with the work ethic and dedication that was a hallmark of Zola himself; they will teach them the savvy of playing your game in the way that gives you the best chance of beating the opposition in front of you that has been a hallmark of Clarke's coaching.

Zola and Clarke will make the Academy of Football a revered title spoken in hushed respectful tones by football fans all over the world. The will make ambition a part of our new tradition, they will take all that we love about the club and build a legacy on it. Forget 4 more years, they can have the job for as long as they want it in my book!

By Celtic Hammer

New Contract for Zola? Why exactly? We aren't Tottenham!

The papers and web sites are full of talk about Zola being offered a new contract and I must ask, why exactly? We only appointed the guy in mid September so why on earth are we offering a new contract? What did we say in September? We want you until the end of the season and we will see how the ground lies then? I know Tottenham appoint managers on a six month basis but at West Ham, we do things differently - the average tenure is close to a decade!

It's not as if the guy has pulled up any trees! We went out of the League Cup to the mighty Watford, courtesy of Zola selecting an understrength side, and thereby surrendering our best chance of winning a trophy this season. Our FA Cup run saw us triumph over the formidable Barnsley and Hartlepool but came to a juddering halt after a home draw against relegation threatened Miserableborough. In the Premiership, we have averaged a goal a game since Zola took charge, a return that stands unfavourable comparison with both Turds and Roeder. We are on 44 points at the moment with a very challenging run it. If we make it past 50 points, I will be pleasantly surprised. 50 points? That would be just one more than Turds managed last season!

So I ask the question, why are we negotiating a new contract at this stage? The guy is still wearing water wings as a manager and has proved nothing so far.

Caption Competition

So what is 'Arry saying to Gordon in that picture? No racism or obscenities please! First prize, a Manila envelope stuffed with something!

Will 'Arry do to Tottenham what he did to Pompey, West Ham, Southampton and Bournemouth ?

Our old friend 'Arry certainly divides opinion. I have no idea if there is any truth in it, but I was once told on a flight back from the States that he left West Ham under a cloud of financial irregularities. I was told, and I found it very hard to believe, that he and Lampard Senior had built a property empire funded by ancillary activities related to transfer deals. Now all sorts of nonsense is spouted by people who claim to know somebody who claims to know somebody who claims to know something. I am sure, personally, that this was a case of Chinese Whispers. The guy who told me this was a West Ham fan and we were in the Championship at the time so there was good reason to hold a grudge. I do not believe a word of it.

The departure of 'Arry from Upton Park has never been fully explained however. The club, as a rule, do not sack managers without a very good reason to do so. We had not been relegated and 'Arry was bringing through a golden crop of young talent. Yes he had bought some rubbish and yes he had spouted off about the sale of Rio, but we were in a position to kick on and progress the following season. Let's face it, even Roeder took us to seventh place! So why did 'Arry have to go? Why did a club that stands by managers even after relegation (Lyall and Roeder) and after failing to secure promotion despite being favourites to do so (Lyall and Pardew) sack a guy for finishing sixth from bottom? We had made it to the quarter final of the FA Cup after all and, before falling away once we had nothing to play for, had actually enjoyed a goodish season in the Prem. Eight defeats in our last 11 games shows how that season was undermined by that "tail off". 42 points was very disappointing but we were 8 points clear of the relegation places at the end of the day. Remember that epic 1-0 victory in the Cup at Old Trafford? Remember the 5-0 thumping of Charlton? Remember the 1-0 victory away to Leeds? When we beat Southampton 3-0 in the penultimate game of the season we had Di Canio, Kanoute, Carrick and Cole in the team - the prospects for the following season looked good. I was disappointed at the end of the season but far from downhearted. The defeat to Spurs in the Cup hurt but the draw for the semi final was made before that game kicked off and I, for one, held out no hope of making it through to the Final once the winners had been tied with Arsenal. I'm sure the draw was a kick in the testicles for ourselves and a great motivator for Tottenham. I well remember telling my Tottenham mate that the result was a foregone conclusion as soon as I heard the draw. So why did 'Arry get sacked?

The signings of Song, Camera and others certainly left a bad taste in the mouth. But 'Arry's transfer deals overall were not the disaster some would have us believe. Di Canio, Kanoute, Hartson, Kitson, Sinclair, Pearce, Lomas, Foe, Wright, Wanchope, Berkovic - they weren't all bad were they? So why did 'Arry get the sack?

And it wasn't as if there was an heir apparent waiting in the wings. I know Roeder stepped up but I don't think that was a done deal when 'Arry was shown the door was it? Didn't we try for Turds? So why was 'Arry sacked?

Now let's look at what has happened to other clubs that 'Arry has managed. Some managers are said to have the Midas touch, but in 'Arry's case, the opposite seems to apply. I would say everything turns to lead, but 'Arry might have that stripped off the roof before he departs! Bournemouth? Receivership. Southampton? Receivership. Pompey? Who is that knocking at the door? Quick, hide behind the sofa and pretend we are not here! West Ham? The banks will soon be running us apparently. All a huge coincidence of course, nothing whatsoever to do with 'Arry. Police raids at Pompey? BBC enquiries into transfer dealings at Pompey under 'Arry? Coincidence, all coincidence. Surely. 'Arry is probably more of a saint than an Arthur Daley. 'Arry is probably 100% straight, in the business as well as the heterosexual sense. 'Arry has probably never done a dodgy deal in his life. And Carlsberg is probably the best lager in the world. Isn't it?

So what can we expect at Tottenham? They may end up with a pot next season, but in the years that follow, will they even have a pot to piss in? They are fitting the revolving door to the dressing room as we speak, ready for the summer. A larger than normal order has been placed for brown Manila envelopes. 'Arry's twitch, turning a blind eye to what is otherwise staring him in the face, is revving up. What's that under the table 'Arry? That's a big bulge, I didn't know you were so happy to see me!

One thing's for sure, under 'Arry, watching Tottenham on and off the pitch certainly will not be boring. My money is on him being sacked before the January transfer window - based entirely on the results of course!

No To Cavani May Mean No To Progress.

I have no idea how good the guy is, but Nani describes the Uruguayan Cavani as a "great player". However, it seems that £14.2 million to sign him is "too expensive".

Now this could be read in one of two ways. Maybe this "great player" is not worth as much as the less than great Bellyache. Maybe we have looked at him and thought, no there is better value available elsewhere. If we are saying, good player but not good value at that price, we can do better, then fair enough. Maybe this is a bit of haggling on the part of both clubs?

However, it could also be that £14.2m is "too expensive" full stop. Possibly this sort of outlay is beyond our current means. If that is the case, then we need to be worried. Without the addition of 3 quality players, we are not going to compete with the top 6 or 7 next season. Villa, City and Tottenham will all be getting out the cheque book in the summer and Everton will strengthen. We have to invest to stand still, never mind progress. If the Board are saying we cannot afford to pay £14m, irrespective of the ability of the player, then we are going to struggle.

Zola will be watching this situation closely. He will know that the current squad is not good enough and will be looking for the Board to make good promises to fund his "project". If we are going to balk at a fee that Tottenham were happy to pay for several players LAST summer, then it is hard to see how Zola can expect to compete.

The View From Down Under - Salty Has His Say

I guess I state the obvious here, but while the FA, UEFA and FIFA sit on their hands, nothing is going to change.

While the huge sums that PL clubs have available to them exists, it is always going to be the case that these clubs will buy the best players that the world has to offer. One can't blame them; it's a natural thing to do.

However, the influx of foreign talent inevitably lessens the opportunities available for local (English) players to grow and improve their own games at the highest level. All but a few of the very best will be consigned to the lesser leagues where opportunities to develop and progress inevitably lessen.

The result is that the England national team must inevitably suffer; if for no other reason than there is a smaller pool of players available who have had experience at the highest level.

If the administrators of the PL are charged with progressing the PL, such a circumstance cannot be blamed on them. They only have to do what is good for the PL and its constituent clubs.

The problem is that of the Football Association's. My understanding is that the FA is responsible for managing and progressing football in England. That being the case you'd have to wonder why this situation is allowed to persist.

I think most people can see the problem and most can see what needs to be done. What is causing the FA to procrastinate so? Is it simple incompetence? The longer this remains unresolved the worse it will become for what was once a proud football nation.

The FA and the PL need to get their heads together and establish a structure where the financial advantage that the PL has over other world leagues is retained but tempered and balanced by the need to provide an appropriate level of growth opportunities for English footballers. It can't be all that difficult surely?

The problem is, of course, the power of the big clubs. Look at the Liverpool v Chelsea game this week - there were only three English players on the pitch and one of those, Carragher, has opted not to play for England. The 6/5 rule proposed by Platini seems the way forward but will anybody be brave enough to force it through? Somehow, I doubt it!

Now West Ham seem to be going the way of the others with a foreign manager and an increasing number of foreign signings. If you can't beat them, join them I suppose. But at this rate, Australia will be favourites to beat the England team in football as well as cricket and rugby!

Oi Arry shut it! (Hotshot’s rant)

Harry Redknapp's comment that the current bunch of West Ham graduates aren’t in the same league as the former ones he managed, and the comment that the club should never have sold the former players, must have boosted his ego, while denting a few on route. I don’t think he’ll be getting wedding invites from the current graduates: Tomkins, Collison, Stanislas, or Sears anytime soon.

Of the four, the first two are potentially world class, showing immense talent, Tomkins is comparable with Rio Ferdinand, and Collison with Michael Carrick, both playing the same positions respectively while displaying maturity beyond their years, as did their former counterparts. Their manager Zola commented, defending the young players, saying that the world is their oyster, if only they keep applying themselves!

Although Rio Ferdinand always showed great poise and skill, when he was first thrust into the West Ham first team, many will remember that he was quite often prone to bad positioning and basic mistakes – which many put down to a lack of concerted concentration; in contrast Tomkins has shown, even at this early stage, that he doesn’t suffer the same problems. By this reasoning it could be argued that Tomkins has the potential to become a better player than Ferdinand, and arrive there sooner in his career.

Collison like Carrick shares the same unassuming personality off the pitch, but on it he shows great maturity, confidence, and skill. As Zola put it “he plays like a veteran”. The Welsh national team manager is in agreement, putting him in the team at only nineteen years of age, nutmegging Capello in the process.

Not being the media’s, or fellow manager’s, favourite, suspected of dodgy dealings, then being cleared, then being accused by a number of managers of tapping up players, publicly saying that he wanted several rival team’s contracted players, why would Harry Redknapp make this kind of comment? And more puzzling who’s working on his PR team - Salmon Rusdie? It seems his comments are a self publicity stunt.

Redknapp went on to say that he had scouted Lampard, Ferdinand, Carrick, Johnson, Joe Cole etc, which doesn’t seem credible seeing that Lampard jnr would have been there as a result of Lampard snr encouraging him to join the youth set up, and Joe Cole joining the club around the time Redknapp became club manager. Yes most of these players emerged while he was club manager, but surely it would have had more to do with the scouting and development of Tony Carr’ s academy team, and the current manager of that time - Billy Bonds?

Carr has brought through many of West Ham’s world class players of late, including Tony Cottee and Paul Ince, so when 'Arry Claptrap' talks about it being his doing, lets get it right – it’s the club’s tradition, and more recently ‘Carr’ that found and developed these players. Since providing England’s backbone to their world cup winning team, West Ham have never ceased to provide world class players in every decade – and one of them now sits on the board of the English Football Association, having been an ambassador for the game over the years – Sir Trevor Brooking.

Lastly and for the record ‘Arry’, didn’t the mass exodus, starting with Rio, begin when you were the manager, then turning into a flood after you got the boot for making a silly remark? Some would see this as mismanagement of a great resource, as could buying the player Marco Boogers - that went missing and was later found sulking in a Dutch caravan park. The team existed before Harry and I am sure will continue bringing immense talent through after him – Harry get over yourself.

Hotshot C

Upson; is the clever thing to sell?

Cards on the table to begin with. I thought Upson was a bad buy when we signed him from Birmingham but his subsequent performances have obliged me to eat humble pie. He has been superb this season and is undoubtedly the cotter pin of our defence, marshalling and leading the defensive unit superbly. So why on earth might it make sense to sell?

Well every player has his price of course. We needed Bellyache but £14million to take away Period Pains was too good an offer to turn down. We overpaid when we bought the Welsh troubled troublemaker, so Manchester City's offer was nothing less than staggering. Remember, Tottenham started bidding at less than half that price!

Now something that both Upson and Bellamy have in common is a bad history of long term injuries. Upson still plays with bits of the Yellow Pages in his boots at the advice of some Quack and, sooner or later, he will break down. As Bellyache has since his move to City.

Then there is the age factor. Again, Bellyache and Upson are both in their late twenties. How many years does Upson have left at the top? Four years? Five if he is very lucky. As that body ages, so the accumulative build up of all his injuries will increase. He will miss more and more games as his ageometer ticks past 30, 31, 32...

Upson seems to think that playing in Europe will enhance his chances of playing for England. That is nonsense. He is in the England squad already so how does that make sense. Perhaps he thinks it will establish him as first choice over Ferdinand and Terry? If so, the guy is living on a different planet. He is good but he isn't going to displace either of Rio or JT, irrespective of whether or not he plays in Europe. Let's face it, he already plays against three of the best teams in Europe given this year's Champions League semifinal line up. Liverpool fans will argue that had they avoided Chelsea, they would also be in the last four - so four of the top five teams in Europe! What does the guy stand to gain by moving therefore? If he plays for Arsenal, he won't get the chance to test himself against them! So why does he REALLY want to move? Money perhaps?

Then there is the Clarke factor. Clarke can organise a defence and, to be honest, when Upson was missing, we coped OK. Upson might find himself a "squad player" at Arsenal and actually slipping down the England pecking order. If I was him, and I was really looking to further my England career, I would stay where my first team place was guaranteed, working with one of the top coaches in the game in the process.

If we wants to go, he will go. This is all paper talk at the moment but I do not expect him to stay if we end the season with a whimper. What would be a fair price? If we could get £12million I would sell.

In Memory Of The Liverpool 96 (Celtic Hammer's Tribute)

There are a few points I wish to discuss about Liverpool, not to have a go but just to highlight the problems at the top of our game; but today isn't the day for that.

We held a minute's silence in Spike's bar after the game at 3.06; its not much but on days like this you feel you have to mark these events, if only so that we never forget and that we never repeat what happened.

I wasn't much more than a kid when it happened but I remember thinking that there were kids like me there with their dads. I will be honest, the next time I went to Upton park with my dad, I didn't make a fuss when he told me to hold his hand as we joined the crowd going into the ground, like I had started doing since I'd turned 12 the year before. I was happy to know he was there with me. I thought a lot that day about the kids who would never get to go to a game with their dads again.

It kind of puts a lot of things in perspective and makes a lot look trivial. For those that lost family amongst the 96 who perished I am sure that the pain, the sense of loss and the heartache are as all consuming now as they were 20 years ago. I come from a famiy who has lost someone unexpectedly, and far far before their time, and I only hope that for all the families, the memory of their lost one's life is now stronger than the memory of their loss.

Walk on!

Hammer Herita Our Horatio Hero!

It is confirmed, Ilunga is ours! This is fantastic news because the guy has been one of our best players this season, filling that problem left back berth with skill, passion and total commitment.

I still don't think we have seen the best of him yet. As the team grows in confidence, so Ilunga will be released more to attack down that left hand flank. When he does range forward, we look more dangerous and I'm sure Zola and Clarke will be exploring tactics to liberate him more in home games.

To think, Curbishley jumped ship because we sold McCartney and signed Herita instead. That just shows what a poor judge of a player Curbishley is! He is trying to claim £1 million off us for constructive dismissal on Friday. We should show the tribunal a tape of McCartney and Ilunga, and point out how many games each has played this season. "Forced to walk the plank?" the Judge would ask. "From what I've seen Mr Curbishley, you are the plank!"

Chelsea Do NOT Want Green

Shocking news is emanating from Stamford Bridge, Chelsea do NOT have any wish to sign Robert Green. A spokesman for the club said, "This is a desperate attempt by an internet forum to whip up hits by spreading scare stories."

He continued, "Why would we buy Green? Like Cech, he is vulnerable under crosses and he isn't even England's first choice in a very average crop of English qualified keepers. If we need a new keeper, with Abromovitch's billions, we will not buy British!"

To emphasise the point, the spokesman added, "The article goes on to say that if Chelsea weren't interested, other clubs might be. This is a heartless attempt to undermine the morale of West Ham fans and the author should hang his head in shame."

Do we want to become Ovest Prosciutto Uniti? (Asks Marty)

Since Nani arrived, we have moved on permanently, or with a view to a permanent move, 9 or 10 players; and all bar one, Faubert, are British. During that same period we have brought in 7 or 8, all of them foreign. I am all in favour of following Arsene Wenger’s footballing blueprint, but would you be happy if we ended up with no British players in the team?

“What about all the youth coming through?” I hear you say. Well yes we do seem to have some good kids, but their careers are still embryonic and how many good youngsters push on to be the finished article? Noble is a good footballer, but would he make the squad in a top four team? I’m not sure. Collison has had a great year but next season will be harder for him, second season syndrome applies to players as well as teams. Sears for me has not looked like he is going to be a Premiership player. Tomkins looks the real deal but so did Kevin Lock, the first "next Bobby Moore" when he broke into the team. What about the other kids? Well they’re only just starting out and nobody will be more pleased than me if they make it; statistically the odds are against it. Remember Ade Coker and Johnny Ayris?

And talking of the youth team, since Nani arrived we have seen the likes of Bajnar, Grasser, Montano, Ejolfson, Sanchez, Stech and a few others gracing the youth team. All foreigners. Then there is Savio. Would you be happy to see a West Ham squad made up almost exclusively of foreigners? Would that be OK as long as we’re successful? Or is it important that we maintain a British core to the squad? Zola has said that he is committed to the essential Britishness of the club, but he has learned very quickly to say what is expected or what suits his purpose at the time. Does a British "core" simply mean two players, like at Liverpool and Chelsea, and would you be happy with this?

Chelsea v Liverpool. Only in England!

OK, so explain that if you can! Tonight should have been a non event, Chelsea were as good as through to the semi final and Liverpool, without Gerrard, surely had to focus on hunting down the Mancs in the Prem. And what happens? Two teams packed with experienced players went out and played like a bunch of kids on a Sunday afternoon. You could explain it if this was a game between two teams of Brits, but there were only 3 Englishmen on the pitch! So why, why?

All credit to both clubs. I have posted why I hate Liverpool FC and nothing will change that, but tonight they went to Chelsea and went one better than the mighty Bolton Wanderers managed on Saturday. Four goals at the Bridge! What a shame for the Scousers that Chelsea scored four of their own in reply! But what a joy for the neutral! 4-4 on the night and 7-5 on aggregate, that doesn't happen outside of Roy of the Rovers comic strips! Even my son, who has taken Aldershot to the Prem on his Playstation 3, was calling the game "stupid"!

Mad, crazy, breathtaking, hilarious - you name it. And what a great goal from Lampard to nail the result for Chelsea! Come on you Hammers, put jealousy to one side and applaud both teams for a great game of headless football!

Is Zola To Blame If We Don't Qualify For Europe? (Apache Asks)

Zola appears to have had a very definite aim when he turned up, which was to reduce the size of the squad and concentrate on developing those that were left, including the youngsters. He's definitely reduced the squad, and has definitely improved the players that were left. Look at the turnaround in Carlton for example. Youth has also been given a chance and if he hadn't been injured, I think Collison may well have been in the running for Young Player of the Year.

However, the modern game is faster and more physically demanding, and all these well tuned athletes seem more prone to injury. In recent weeks, we have seen our squad decimated, which culminated on Saturday in us playing just 3 first choice players in their preferred positions. I will be absolutely gutted if we don't finish 7th AND above Tottenham after being in such a commanding position for both just a matter of weeks ago.

I've seen Tottenham fans refute the claims about their £134m team failed by only beating our £30m team by a single goal, saying that nowadays it is a squad game. Gone are the days when just 13 players could take us to 3rd like it did in 85/86. I have to agree with them. We need a bigger squad to challenge consistently across all fronts but Zola claims he doesn't want it because he wants to 'work with the players'.

I'm hoping the size of our squad won't derail our push for Europe but it's looking dodgy at the moment. Is Zola not 'big enough' to manage the larger squad that we need? Is he naive and idealistic? Or is he simply paying lip service to a cost cutting Board?

Only time will tell, but if our current youngsters don't develop (as with Sears) then we could be in real trouble next season. I would really love to see Zola succeed, I just hope that he is big enough for the job, which involves managing a big squad and standing up to the Board if they are putting penny pinching ahead of squad development.

Apache

Curbishley to Sunderland.

Rumours are circulating that Turds is on his way to Blunderland. The Blackjacks apparently see him as the man to arrest their slide towards the Fizzy Pop, based on the Great Escape of two years ago. Brilliant plan I must say! Now, should the Wearysiders get their man, all they need to organise is:

1) The signing of Carlos Tevez. Who knows, United or IKEA might agree to a Third Party Agreement until May.

2) A linesman who doesn't understand that the ball has to cross the line for a goal to be given.

3) A final fixture away to the Champions AFTER they have already secured the Premiership and a week before they play in the Cup Final.

4) For a club they are playing to sack a highly successful manager in the week before they play them, replacing him with a mini me equivalent.

5)For Arsenal to have 50 shots on their goal in a single game and not score any of them.

6)For another opponent to lose their only striker of note to injury inside the first 15 minutes of the game.

7) For their main rivals in the battle against the drop to appoint Neil Warnock as manager.

Now, put that little package together, plus sign Green, Collins, Noble and Zamora, and appointing Turds might just work. Blunderland do have Anton Ferdinand after all. No hang on, Ferdinand and Baggy Eyes don't get on!

Any other great ideas to save the Blackjacks? How about Newscastle appointing Shearer as manager and Miserableboro leaving Southgate in charge? You couldn't write it could you?

Do to Arsenal, Man Utd, Chelsea, Tottenham and Liverpool what has been done to Luton says Celtic Hammer

The powers that be in the FA, Football League and Premier League continue to mismanage the game at all levels. What was done to Luton was a disgrace and in viewing their relegation, many fans will fail to see the herculean effort they put in to defy overwhelming odds.

From the time the Liverpool players shamefully refused to waive their match fees, Luton were on the slippery slope to non-league football. At least in their new owners they have ensured that they will continue to exist as a football club.

Rather than simply punishing these clubs the FA must work with them to avoid such problems in the first place. A mandatory set of add on clauses for any player who graduates from a club's academy would be a start. Too many young players are being tempted to the likes of Arsenal, Spurs or Chelski at 16 or 17 and the clubs who worked with them from the age of 10 or 11 are left with nothing.

Any Premiership club drawn against a team for a league lower than the championship should be made to waive their match fees and TV money for away cup ties.

A levy should be placed on all players salaries of 1% to help establish a fund to pay players from clubs who are struggling to stay afloat provided that the club didn't get into trouble through financial irregularities or blatant mismanagement. One of the biggest factors in putting clubs into administration is their inability to meet their wage bill. If a club finds itself in that position, its players should be allowed to leave on loan to any club that will pick up their wage bill regardless of the transfer window until such time as the club can afford to pay their wages again.

These measure should mean we would never see a repeat of what has happened to proud football clubs with loyal fans like Luton Town. I only hope they bounce straight back and begin climbing their way back up the leagues.

Meanwhile the double standards applied when it comes to the Big Boys is laughable.

The FA and Premier League turn a complete blind eye to the fact Man United are closing in on £1Billion pounds of debt - a debt that they will never ever pay off and simply roll over ever 18months and then service the interest.

Liverpool have half a billion pounds of debt which they cannot find a bank to take on. Their bankers refused to take on the debt for another term and merely rolled it over until the end of June to allow them find a new lender, something to date which they have not managed to do. In fact the only way they will get the loan is to sign over Anfield as security.

Arsenal thought their redevelopment of the old Highbury ground would pay for the cost of the new stadium. It hasn't and only some creative book keeping has stopped them racking up 3/4 of a debt close to a billion. Chelski meanwhile owe Ambravoich over a billion quid.

In fact a report by Delloite early in the season said that if Premier League clubs were judged by the standards of ordinary businesses that only WestHam and Hull would be declared solvent. The rest would be put into the hands of liquidators.

So before the authorities vilify Luton or impose draconian punishments, they should try looking at the other end of the league. If those big clubs didn't contribute so much cash to the FA they would surely be called to account over their suicidal business practices.

Shame on the League - Hammers Behind Luton Town!

Today was a sad day for football with Luton Town completing the formality of relegation from the Football League. I don't know the ins and outs of what they did or didn't do, but I do know that the 30 point pre-season points deduction was absurd, destroying all sense of competition in the division. If the crime really was that severe, why not deduct the club 10 points for three consecutive seasons and at least retain some sense of matters being decided on the football field. Give Luton back those 30 points and they would be safely mid table; their relegation is a travesty of footballing justice and defies logic.

What the League seem to have forgotten is that Luton Town represent a community, and that the fan base of the club have done nothing to deserve this. It would have been punishment enough to destroy any hope of promotion from the division; to damn the club to relegation from the Football League before a ball was kicked was too cruel on the fans.

Every true supporter, outside perhaps of Watford, must surely share my sense of injustice. It is a shame more was not done to organise a protest across the Premiership and Football League against bureaucrats and lawyers deciding promotion and relegation rather than players. This wasn't just the thin end of the wedge, it was the whole wedge all in one go!

This Hammer sincerely hopes that Luton Town bounce back up and begin a steady climb back to where they belong. Who can forget Pleat kerb crawling down the touchline when they avoided relegation or the controversy over that plastic pitch? Luton are a team with a history and that history was ignored when the faceless bureaucrats sliced off 30 points before they had even been secured. Shame on the League and shame on every other club for not making this more of an issue before it was too late!

When The Kids Are United (Marty Looks To The Future)

I think the major talking point of this season has been the arrival of so many academy graduates on the scene: Reid, Collison, Tomkins, Sears, Stanislas, Payne, Hines, N’Gala, Spense, Widdowson and Stech have all at least appeared on the bench; but who else is making waves amongst the juniors?

Traditionally we don’t do very well in the reserve league, but many of the above mentioned played a big part in our finishing second last season. This year we sit third, with a team made up mainly of the youth team. N’Gala has formed a solid partnership with Eyjolfson at the back, where Oliver Lee has recently shown his father Rob’s adaptability by filling in at right back - he’s usually a midfielder. If we are not already blessed enough at centre half, Matthew Fry is a left footer who has played well at left back.

Two young wingers who have benefitted from Zola’s wish to improve players adaptability are Danny Kearns, a creative N.Irish lad, and Anthony Edgar, a left winger who recently came on to play at the point of the diamond and score a good goal when Stanislas got a hat trick. Bajner is improving and last week the best player on the pitch against Stoke reserves was Zavon Hines, given our problems up front I think he may well get a place on the bench this weekend. Add to those Jordan Brown, Ryan O’Neill, Georg Grasser and several younger lads, Okus, Montano, Sanchez, and the future looks bright.

Of course most of them won’t make it at the very top level, but many will have professional careers, which should make it even more likely that promising youngsters will want to come to the Boleyn. Apparently the 15 and 16 year olds are an exceptional bunch and we have already seen Robert Hall announce his arrival with goals for the reserves.

The future's bright, the future's Claret & Blue!

Barcelona v West Ham (Hotshot Speaks Out!)

A few seasons ago I watched West Ham beat Roma in a pre-season friendly and like many fans believed that our club had the potential to be world-beaters. Gianfranco Zola is no doubt world class, and he has done much to spruce up the current West Ham motley crew and have them playing the free flowing football that we Upton Park fans insist on, but is it enough?

Being in Barcelona while Barca were playing Bayern Munich in the Champions League quarter final, I bought a ticket to the match. I have only ever been to Upton Park's 35,000 capacity stadium, and a few away matches in grounds not much bigger, so when being confronted with 90,000 chanting fans in a packed stadium it hit me like a sledgehammer in the gonads; it was a great experience - the atmosphere not the sledgehammer.

Barcelona passed the ball around the field fearlessly, with pinpoint accuracy, unbelievable imagination and absolute conviction - it was a master class in football. It was awesome to watch, and yet disheartening in that it highlighted the distance West Ham have to go if they really want to be among the best in Europe. There are echoes around the West Ham faithful, of the team in the near future fighting it out for one of the Champions League places on offer, the prize for finishing in 4th position in the English Premier League, yet even if they some how found the firepower to catapult themselves into this elite league, after watching Barcelona take Munich apart, making them look like an overweight and comical Sunday league team, beer bellies and all, what chance would West Ham have had in the Noucamp that evening? It would have been car crash TV!

I fear West Ham are possibly chasing an empty dream and need a reality check. Already we are punching above our weight, and, without real investment in a new stadium and at least 60 million on players, we will forever be stuck in Premier League mid table mediocrity, mere cannon fodder for the league’s top four.


Hotshot C

Good Neighbour. Tottenham and West Ham Time To Remember

I enjoy a bit of banter with the best of them but today, perhaps we should realise that there are bigger things in life than club rivalries. I have only just picked up on the fact that Jimmy Neighbour jinked down the wing on this mortal coil for the last time yesterday, ironically or appropriately, on the day when the two London neighbours did "battle".

Jimmy will never be regarded as a "great" of either club but he was a good professional who played in an era where honesty and graft counted for more than it does today. I remember Jimmy fondly for scoring against Coventry in the semi final of the League Cup, a goal that took us through to the final. He also played in both Finals against Liverpool, robbed of a winner's medal by an outrageous linesman's decision when an offside Sammy Lee ducked under the equalising goal. Interfering with play? He would be offside now, never mind then!

So, lets put the club rivalries to one side and pay tribute to Jimmy, a League Cup winner with Tottenham. At 58, he was too young to die. In the words of the Aussie soap:

Neighbours
Everybody needs good neighbours
With a little understanding you can find the perfect blend

Neighbours
Should be there for one-another
That's when good neighbours become good friends

Tottenham, How Much Does One Goal Cost?

The Cockyfools are strutting their stuff this morning after yesterday's epic 1-0 trouncing of the mighty Hammers but, whilst trying to come to terms with our reserves suffering this shocking reverse at White Hart Lane, I got to thinking, how much did that 1-0 Tottenham victory actually cost?

Below, I give a break down of the cost of the two teams available yesterday, including the substitutes benches. For the sake of argument, I have left off the add on fees - let's face it, bonus payments made on the basis of trophies won are never going to be payable by Tottenham, whilst, because of injuries, appearance fees are never going to apply to West ham players! So, for example, I show Keane at £12m, whilst in cloud cuckoo land, that could rise to £19m if Tottenham ever qualify for the Champions League.

The figures are staggering! The West Ham squad yesterday cost a total of £32m in transfer fees. Tottenham's squad was put together for a total outlay of £136.5m.

So how much does one goal cost? If you are Tottenham, £104.5m! Bless me, is it any wonder those Cockyfools are gloating?

Tottenham

Gomes 10
Corluka 8
Assou-Ekotto 3.5
Woodgate 7
King Nil
Huddlestone 3
Lennon 1
Jenas 9
Modric 16.5
Bent 16.5
Keane 12
Pavlyuchenko 14
Zokora 8
Cudicini 1
Bale 5
Bentley 15
Dawson 4
Chimbonda 3

£136.5m

West Ham

Green 2.5
Tomkins Nil
Ilunga 3
Collins 3
Upson 6
Neill 1.5
Noble Nil
Stanislas Nil
Boa-Morte 5
Tristan Nil
Di Michele Nil
Dyer 6
Savio 5
Lastuvka Nil
Lopez Nil
N’Gala Nil
Payne Nil

£32m

Tottenham's Gloats, Should I Get My Coat?

Amazing how depressed you can feel just because of a football match. Saturday night was ruined, Sunday morning and I woke with that, "Stuff it, what's the point?" feeling. But then I thought, hang on, this is West Ham, and how often have I felt like this since Christmas? And the answer to that, of course, is not very often. Yes we lost but, to be honest, I didn't really expect anything different when I saw the team sheet.

The reaction of the Tottenham fans has been predictably ridiculous. I have left the Tottenham replies on my LBM article despite the odd obscenity and the pikey jibes, because I wanted everybody to see just how sad and desperate some of these Cockyfools have become. Yes lads, you won! Yes you beat West Ham! But dear me, just pause for a moment and look at the West Ham team you beat! You edged out a side without Ashton, Cole, Dyer, Parker, Behrami, Collison, Gabbidon and Kovac. That is eight first team, first pick players. Add in Spector and the fact we had to play Neill in midfield and Tomkins at right back, and you get a sense of how desperate was the situation faced by Zola and Clarke. Turds moaned about the injury jinx but I can't remember so many first choice players being ruled out of a single game under Baggyeyes. Had Tottenham not beaten us, there would have been some massive questions asked about the 'Arry revival. And, to be honest, those questions should still be asked.

1-0? So what? Had Di Michele either taken a tumble as Woodgate tried to rugby tackle his ankle in the penalty box, or poked home that one-on-one opportunity, the result would probably have gone the other way. We know that Tristan and Di Michele are not good enough for the Prem, we know we have to get Ashton, Cole and Dyer fit and we still need another striker, so the fact we failed to score was no great surprise to anybody in Claret and Blue colours. Pavlova took his goal very well, it was a lovely turn and finish, but Green didn't exactly have a busy afternoon apart from that did he? For all the money spent, Tottenham looked pretty impotent considering they were playing against our stiffs!

So gloat away you Cockyfools but the result should really read Tottenham 1 West Ham Reserves 0. A one goal victory over our stiffs when you have home advantage doesn't look so great the following morning does it?

Tottenham away - Luis Boa-Morte's Day of Destiny?

Way back in the mists of time, post Tottenham's Champions League Choke and on the coat tails of our Great Escape, there were rumours that the Cockyfools wanted to sign Luis. They needed somebody to play wide left with the ability, not only to cross, but to chip in with goals, and Luis seemed to fit the bill. He had, after all, netted during our Great Escape and, although that was, and remains, his solitary goal for the club, he had an impressive reputation based upon his days at Fulham. Sadly, Curbishley didn't want to let him go and his wages were also an obstacle - or so the red tops would have us believe. Some transfer stories are obviously stupid but this one made some sense. Tottenham still have not solved the problem of who to play on the left of midfield.

In many ways LBM is the "typical Tottenham signing", a player who has flattered to deceive elsewhere and who is then found wanting when moving to a bigger club - I offer you Bentley, Pavlova, Robinson, Bent et all. Whereas players grow when they move to some clubs, at Tottenham they shrivel into a shell. Perhaps it is because the need for the snip is hidden in the small print!

And the point of all this? Well in his third season, and after 72 appearances in Claret and Blue, Luis actually had a very good game for us last week. His all round contribution over the 90 minutes was impressive and his pass for the Stanislas goal was, in my opinion, the "pass of the season" from a Hammer this year. This came on the back of a thoroughly committed performance against Blackburn and a vital assist (albeit from an offside position). All that is missing is a goal - and whilst I never make predictions about West Ham games, I have this feeling in my water that today is the day for Luis, the day he moves from zero to hero and from Fool to Crown Prince. The picture suggests that he isn't called donkey based on his ability after all!

The odds are against us. Tottenham's home form has been good and 'Arry turns us over every time we play one of his sides. We were terrible at Upton Park against them and memories of the 4-0 thumping from last season are still all too fresh. Add in the fact that The Foe is set to return and we are without half a team of first pick players and it doesn't look too hopeful does it? But then it was going to be a walk over in May 2006 and Tottenham were going to be playing Champions League football the following season weren't they?

Last season Boa was vilified after being sent off in the corresponding fixture. That was the final straw for many of us. We thought he was useless, and this confirmed he was a total liability. Even Curbishley moved off script, interrupting his post match rant about Anton to criticise one of his own "untouchables", actually saying that a player he had signed had put in a less than perfect performance. Boa owes us, this is his Day of Destiny! If he does net the winner, remember you heard it here first. If he has a mare, just read what else I've posted about him in the past.

But for now, immortality beckons, come on Boa, you can do it!

May 7, 2006 - The Tottenham Patient Became Critical

On the eve of the game, let's roll back three years to that fateful day in 2006, when the Cockyfools were knocking on the door of the Champions League. Well so they thought. As it happened, the only door they were knocking on was marked WC as all their dreams were honked down the toilet!

Remember their confidence? We were in the Cup Final and had nothing to play for in the League. Ashton wasn't going to be risked and what Hammer in his right mind was going to risk an injury or suspension by going in to a full blooded 50-50 challenge? All Tottenham had to do was turn up to collect the points, or so they thought. And they very nearly almost never managed that anyway!

Look at the West Ham team that day! Hislop, Scaloni, Konchesky, Fletcher, Gabbidon, Ferdinand, Reo-Choker, Yossi, Sherringham, Zamora, Newton. Now, that is the side that stood between Tottenham and Champions League football! Where are they now? Only Gabbidon remains at Upton Park and he is only on our books to keep Beano company in the treatment room. Fletcher? Fizzy Pop. Newton? God knows. Hislop? Retired. Reo-Choker a Villa understudy. Sherringham retired. Yossi, a bit part player for a genuine Champions League team. Ferdinand? Fighting relegation with Blunderland. Zamora and Konchesky, playing for the mighty Fulham! This was the team, with one and a half eyes on the Cup Final, who stood between Tottenham and their Manifest Destiny! And they blew it!

Carl Fletcher, bless his wife's cotton gusset, only managed one goal in the Premiership - and he saved it for this game to ensure a cult hero status at the club divorced completely from any alleged activities of his wife. A 30 yard fizzing shot sent the Tottenham team rushing to the toilet as the tension churned their guts like baked beans in a blender. A The Foe equalizer and a missed Sherringham penalty gave Tottenham hope, but then up popped Yossi the Israeli, with glorious irony, to net a late winner and crush Tottenham's dreams.

Of course, then the complaints started. The patient was ill they said. In fact, though they didn't know it, the patient was almost on its death bed! Look what has happened since to the mighty, mighty Tottenham Hotspur! A Carling Cup trophy apart, and that is probably not the best competition in the world, it has been a tale (or tail?) of unremitting woe. The sacking of Jol, the appointment of Oneday Never, the desperate appointment of 'Arry - and a team bought, sold, and re-bought on the Never Never. The financial time bomb at Tottenham is on the tick, and ticking!

This weekend they come up against another under strength West Ham team and again will fancy their chances. All the talk down Tottenham way is of how 'Arry has turned around the team and how the future is bright under his tactically astute leadership. Well, remember why Keane and The Foe were sold? Becuase they couldn't play together! So what has 'Arry done? Spent £30million plus to reunite them. Brilliant! You can bet your life that a revolving door will be fitted to the Tottenham dressing room again this summer as the big bucks burn a hole in 'Arry's pocket. We know at West Ham what a disaster it is to let 'Arry spend big, and Pompey fans are now learning the price of allowing 'Arry to build a team of high salaried mercenaries. Come August, the Tottenahm team will be barely recognizable from the one that will take the field this weekend - and the clever money is on them playing like strangers for the first two months of the new season. What price Tottenham looking for a new manager in November?

May 7, 2006 - the day was a real sickener for Tottenham and a happy irrelevance for West Ham. Six days later we played our part in the greatest FA Cup final ever. Tottenham, meanwhile, are still chasing the myth of their greatness, like a sad old geezer trying to chat up a twenty one year old piece of crumpet in Ibiza. Just watch old 'Arry's twitch speed up in the coming months as yet another bid for glory goes pear shaped! We have Zola, Tottenham have 'Arry - you couldn't wish for a better metaphor for one club that is looking to the future and another hanging on to the coat-tails of the past! Tottenham may get a result at the weekend but there will be plenty of sickeners ahead!

Tottenham Targets Tomkins

Just shows the importance of syntax. I read the headline from the Official Site and thought, that **** Redknapp, having visions of a bid for our future England captain on the eve of the match. Well, that would be typical 'Arry wouldn't it? But the old brain was playing tricks on me. In truth the headline read, Tomkins Targets Tottenham which implies something rather different! Well I hope it does, I hope our lad isn't talking about his dream move in the future!

For the record, James said, "It's a massive game for the club. We are pushing for that UEFA spot and it's a massive game for the fans as they are our local rivals.

"There's a great confidence in the team at the moment and a good team spirit as it has been all season. It's good at the moment and everyone is just enjoying their football. Seventh is the aim. We've got a target there that we are heading towards. Each game is vital now that we pick as many points up as we can. Next game is Tottenham, which we are all relishing."

He continued, "I feel that I'm playing well at the moment and growing more confident with every game. It was a great boost for me to start in front of James because he's played well all season. I have been getting a good run in the team and I'm full of confidence and just want to keep improving."

Well that's a relief, I can tell you! Syntax, it's a bitch!

The Story of an Upton Park Initiation (Marty's Son's Story)

As Mark Noble lined up his corner early in the second half last Saturday I said to my son. “Watch this........... James Tomkins....... header in the top right hand corner". It was the end of a story that started with “the great escape” and brought my son back into the fold. I used to stand on the weatherbeaten terraces back in the seventies, but this was my boy’s first match, and he was in a box, as the guest of a former player; how times change!

For him it was a day of firsts. First time on a train, first time on a tube and first time at the Boleyn. It felt like my first time at UP as well, so different was the ground from when I used to go regularly, We were very well looked after, three course meal, drinks, lap dancers.... no sorry, they didn't turn up; a bit different from the old days, first through the turnstiles and run for the best spot, packed lunch and read the programme from cover to cover.

I worry about the future, the crowd seemed to be almost entirely made up of middle aged men, a bit like the Conservative party and the blue rinse brigade, you wonder whether there will be much support left in a few years time! The corner of the BM lower next to what used to be the chicken run tried valiantly to get "Franco Zola's c&b army going" but it met with general apathy. We tried for a while and the corporate crowd seemed more vociferous than the locals, but you feel a bit of a lemon when the general conversation doesn't get much brighter than "Alright Bruv, that wind's a bit chilly innit?" What happened to the banter? The ground's lovely and comfortable and all that, but the atmosphere and the chat were as big a part of the day out as the match for me when I used to go regularly.

But last Saturday wasn’t about all our yesterdays. It was about a young Spanish hammer feeling the claret and blue sap rise in him as we watched the green shoots of another claret and blue renaissance. My lad loved it. "What are they singing Dad?" he said after one brutal challenge. "That'd be 'You dirty northern bastard' son" "Why are they singing that Dad?" Well that's..........because he's a.............. ;) but best not tell your Mum!".

He had put the visit to the Boleyn at risk with an April fools stink bomb that caused the evacuation of half the school, small children in tears and the headmistress on the phone to me. In the end all it did was increase his street cred. and elevate him to legend status with year 5 boys. And as James Tomkins header hit the back of the net, my credibility as a cool Dad was preserved for a few more precious months. We jumped and punched the air as one.....father and son.........claret and blue!

Ribena & Bellyache? Manchester City are having a laugh!

How much did that pair cost, close to a round £50million between them? What an absolute joke! Ashton, Cole, Green, Ilunga, Upson, Parker, Behrami, Collins, Dyer, Boa-Morte and Neill were all bought for less than the cost of those two! Now, I'm not saying that they were all great signings, but watching City tonight, you have to wonder at the decision making. There was one lovely moment second half when Robinho did his dance, feet going this way and that over the ball, and Benjamin simply put out his leg and took away the ball. £34 million plus? I'm not sure the guy is worth any more than £5million personally. How many goals is it in 2009? One? And wasn't that for Brazil?

And as for Period Pains, yet again a booking for dissent and, to my mind, he was very lucky to then remain on the pitch after yet more bellyaching when claiming a penalty for a perfectly good tackle in the box on Ireland. £14million pounds for him? You couldn't write it! Shay Given kept City in the contest first half and the 3-1 score flattered them on the night. They may yet pull it round in the second leg but the smart money will be on Hamburg getting a goal, meaning City need three just to take it to penalties. I can't see that happening!

The best thing about tonight though was to see Jol looking so chuffed. Tottenham treated him appallingly and it is deliciously ironic that he is now favourite to be in the semifinal of the UEFA Cup and within touching distance of Champions League qualification with Hamburg. Let's hope he has learned his lesson and gets somebody to test the food before he lets his players tuck in on the eve of any showdown battle!

As for Mark Hughes, surely it is only a matter of time now before he is shown the door? Certain players are clearly not doing it for him, whilst others are being ignored illogically. Why wasn't Petrov brought on? If City don't want him, I'd love to see him at West Ham!

December 11, 1971, Southampton v West Ham

I was 12 years old and traveled up to Southampton on the train from Yeovil in Somerset with two friends. That fact in itself is a sign of how times have changed. I would never have dreamed of allowing my children to make that journey unaccompanied at 12 years old but, in those days, parents did not see it as a problem. The game was at the "old" Dell of course, an anachronism of a stadium in the middle of a residential area of Southampton, middle class homes on the approach and a couple of blocks of flats overlooking the compact ground. No squalid back to backs here, it was a poor man's ground in an altogether better class of area.

For those who remember the old stadium, we parked ourselves in the family enclosure, one of the concrete "chocolate boxes" at the Milton Road end of the ground. This afforded a great view of the stadium from a usefully elevated position. En route we had eaten at a narrow little cafe in the arcade of shops outside the station before getting into the ground a good two hours before kick-off. Time to digest every word and every image in the programme, dwelling over the pen pic profiles of the West Ham squad and to munch our way through chocolate provisions whilst discussing the threats in the Southampton team. Sadly that programme was lost many years ago when my mother decided to have a "tidy up" whilst I was away at University and the Southampton team is now a blur, but I remember it included a forty something Terry Paine and that old warhorse Ron Davies. Presumably Channon played too, the "star name" in the Southampton team at that time. Did Galbraith play? I think so. If any Southampton fans look in, would be great to know your team and to hear your memories of the game if you were one of the 20,506 in the stadium.

As for the West Ham team, well for Hammers fans of my age, the teamsheet is a roll call of immortals: Ferguson; McDowell; Lampard; Bonds; Taylor; Moore; Redknapp; Best; Hurst; Brooking; Pop Robson. I honestly could have trotted off that team without any reference to the record books - bar one. I do not remember Redknapp playing. In my memory, he had gone the season before but that just shows how the memory can play tricks on you! I was only 12 after all! The substitute was also interesting, one David Llewellyn who managed just 2 starts and four appearances as substitute before moving on to Peterborough. Anybody remember seeing him play? He came on for Brooking in this game, which might explain the bad mood of "Sir Trev" when I met him after the game!

The game was a remarkable affair and summed up the two teams perfectly. Goals from Bonds, Best and Brooking gave us a 3-0 lead and put me in dreamland. All three goals were knocked in at our end and I was well on my way to one of those rarest of things, actually seeing West Ham WIN in the flesh! I have tried to part the clouds of time to remember how those goals were scored but the best I can come up with are that Best scored with a header amidst claims that he had fouled the keeper and Brooking netted with a low shot that went into the bottom left hand corner of the goal. From my position I wasn't sure the ball had actually gone in and from memory it was a real grubber. But that may not be how it happened at all!

Then it all went wrong. Maybe they actually invented Viagra decades before it was released onto the market because somebody definitely slipped something into the geriatric Terry Paine's cup of tea at halftime. He came out playing like a man possessed and ripped Lampard apart. I think Davies scored a couple from Paine crosses but I can't confirm that - Davies might even have bagged a hat-trick. Again, Southampton fans might be able to fill in the gaps. What is not in any doubt, because the records show it, is that Southampton fought back and scored three times to ruin my day. The final score - 3-3! Only West Ham!

I suppose the game itself and the day out as a 12 years old would have been enough to stamp the day in my memory but it was what followed that fixed December 11, 1971 indelibly into my hard drive. We arrived at the station to catch our train home and there, on the platform, was the entire West Ham team! Moore, Hurst, Robson, Ferguson, Brooking et all, kipper ties, pink shirts, outlandish coats, stupid haircuts, the works! I was in dreamland, running around collecting autographs on that programme that my thoughtless mother was to consign to a rubbish bin.

Moore was great, all smiles. So were Bonds and Ferguson. Pop Robson looked like a clown in his comb over and ankle length checked coat but was more than happy to scribble his name on the programme, even asking me my name so he could personalise it. Hurst wasa bit aloof but signed his name without looking at the page. The only one who refused to sign the programme? Trevor Brooking. As I ran along the platform at his side asking him to scribble on that programme, Brooking studiously ignored me and such was my focus on one of my all time heroes, that I all so nearly ran into one of the pillars holding up the roof of the station. For years afterwards, I had a recurring nightmare of banging into pillar after pillar on that platform as Brooking ignored me.

This memory stands out for me. Do you have any you would like to share? If so, drop me a line and we can journey down your memory lane as well!

Saving Savio

How absurd! Zola has felt the need to come out and defend the signing of Savio in the light of "unease" or "unrest" or "worries" about the signing. Zola said of the young German Ugandan, "He has great potential and he can become a really top player." Fair enough so far but he then added, "But the crowd and everybody else need to be patient."

Dear God, the lad is no more than a kid and has moved to a foreign country; what do people expect exactly? Theo Walcott didn't set the Emirates on fire when he first joined Arsenal did he? Wenger wrapped him in cotton wall and kept him out of the firing line until he thought he was ready. And now look at him!

Theo only moved one hundred miles up the M3. Everybody spoke the same language (well apart from the Arsenal team of course) and his family remained on the doorstep. Savio has moved to a new country (the fourth of his tender life so far!) and Newham is not exactly the image of London projected by the Tourist Board is it? His first impression must have been that he had moved back to the Third World!

Of course the lad needs time. I read one idiot comparing him to Stanislas but Junior is amongst friends, at the club where he has grown up. Poor Savio is our Paddington Bear, young, vulnerable, lovable and in need of a family to take care of him. That's why his agent chose West Ham, a family club with a record for bringing through young talent.

I am backing Nani and Zola's judgement. It may be that we will not see the best of Savio for 18 months, but I would rather wait and allow him to develop, rather than see the issue forced with the result that the player is destroyed. The Germans rate him and they know a thing or two about football! Remember Theo everybody. Give the lad time and let's hope he is the gem that lots of people in the know say that he is!

Kovac's lollipop. Who loves ya baby?

Yesterday I posted on Kovac being banned from the national Czech side because he was caught dining after an international defeat. What I didn't realise at the time was that his dinner partners included a group of prostitutes. Given the guy has previously been "rapped" for 'degenerate sexual behaviour involving a female reporter', one hesitates to guess what exactly was on the menu at their table. I bet it wasn't salad cream!

It seems that our blond bombshell is, as they say, a bit of a character. In 2004 he was done for urinating in a bottle in a busy bar. Classy, but not quite up to true West Ham standards, the boys in Claret and Blue don't bother with the bottle as a rule of course!

What with Tristan, Cole and now Kovac, poor Zola must be at his wits' end. No wonder the Czech was missing at the weekend! Does this signal the end of any prospective permanent deal in the future I wonder? What sort of example does this set to the kids at Upton Park? Or is this all an irrelevance? He wasn't on club duty after all, so why is it any of our business?

Liverpool Get Their Come Uppence!

Ok, loyalties might be divided here; I mean who, on a West Ham site, wants Chelsea to do well? But the fact of the matter is that I have hated Liverpool with an absolute vengeance ever since they cheated their way to that FA Cup win in the 'best final ever'. It was that England traitor, Carragher, as I understand it, who told his team-mates to close down Scaloni after he had sportingly put the ball into touch so a Liverpool player could be treated. Any fair minded side would have thrown the ball out for a goal kick, but not the Carragher led cheats in red. They threw the ball to Scaloni, closed him, and forced him to hurry a clearance onto the foot of Gerrard; and the rest is history.

The interesting thing was Sherringham's reaction as Scaloni played it into touch. He knew what Liverpool would do and let rip at the Argentinian, pointing down the line to where the ball should have been cleared. Scaloni looked amazed at the verbal assault, no doubt believing what he had been told all his life, about the Brits being crap at football but leading the world in sportsmanship. How ironic, given all the history of games between the two nations, that the Argentinian took the sporting route, and the "Englishman" gave instructions to cheat. Never mind the "Hand of God", we West Ham fans talk of the "High Pitched Whine of God" - "Close him, close him, close him, and to hell with sportsmanship!"

I hate Carragher anyway because, like Scholes, he walked out on England because he wasn't first pick. Patriotism? Just like fair play, Carragher doesn't understand the concept! Well it's 3-1 again Jamie Cheater, lets see you come back from that one!

Zola Tells A Whopper!

I'm not having that! Zola has just been quoted saying that the move of Lucas Neill into midfield was his idea. The little Italian fibber is quoted as saying, "It was my idea. I think Lucas Neill is a very intelligent player. I've played him right back, left back, central defender and he has always done a good job. He is intelligent and he has good technical ability, so I was 100 per cent sure that he would have done the job."

Now many might be asking, 'Why does the manager feel the need to claim the credit for tactical decisions anyway? Isn't that what he is paid for?'. Perhaps Zola's glee at actually making a decision gives us an insight into who exactly calls the tactical shots ordinarily. Step forward Mr Clarke?

But that is not what has provoked this post. Any long standing member of the Mordant Org will know that, in its more vibrant days, a tactical genius by the name of westham66 made this call way back in October! We laughed at him at the time, just as we laughed at his suggestion of playing LBM from the start of every game and moving Cole back to a holding midfield role! Who knows, 66 might have been right all along! Next season, Lucas may be our playmaker, Carlton our holding midfield man, and Boa might be the 20 goal a season man 66 always claimed he could be! And pigs might fly.

Czech's Mate!

So what is it about West Ham exactly? There were rumours at the weekend about Di Michele, Carlton Cole has been done for drink driving, Tristan has picked up a driving ban for having too many shandies before crashing his Porsche into a taxi, and now Kovac has been banned from the Czech national team for "dining out" after an international defeat. Do we perhaps have a "Blackpool Society" in the club where players try to emulate the "West Ham Four led by Bobby Moore"?

Still, at least Kovac seems to have a little bit more class than the others. There can't be many West Ham players who have been disciplined for "dining". Urinating on a bar, yes, getting into a brawl outside a nightclub, yes, boozing into the early hours before a 4-0 thumping to bottom of the table opponents in the FA Cup, yes, drink driving, yes, a knife wound after a bit of how's your father with a team mate, yes, stealing a bracelet in Bogota, yes, a bit of drug running after you've hung up your boots, yes, but having a MEAL out with your mates after a game? Dear God, he will be reading a book next!

Tristan's Too Many Shandies!

According to a report on KUMB, Tristan has been fined for drunk driving. The KUM report reads,

"Diego Tristan has been banned from driving for 32 months after being caught drunk at the wheel.

The 33-year-old United striker, who has been enjoying a run in the first team of late was arrested after testing positive for a breath test which followed a road accident on January 25th this year."

He was driving a Porsche apparently which seems to me a terrible waste of a powerful motor. I mean, drunk or not, there's no way Tristan is ever going to be done for speeding!

West Ham Capture Two Future England Captains!

Great news from the Boleyn, two of the most exciting talents in the English game have signed extended contracts at Upton Park. Tomkins and Noble, future England captains both, have scratched an x on respective contracts and committed their blossoming futures to the mighty Irons.

Noble, a hero of the Great Escape, has been struggling this season and questions have been asked about his talents, however recent performances have suggested that he is coming through the dip and kicking on again. One of the problems is that, because he has been around for so long, some forget just how young he still is. Remember Wenger was said to be sniffing around him last summer. That is some endorsement!

Tomkins has done so well that Zola opted to stay with the kid rather than rush back Collins against Sunderland. With so many players ruled out, the clever money was surely on Zola backing the experience of Collins over the promise of Tomkins, but the talent of the lad is such that he got the nod ahead of his older colleague.

West Ham United chief Scott Duxbury says the new deals are proof of the strategy of developing home grown talent.

Duxbury said; "I am obviously very pleased we have been able to agree long-term contracts with two important members of Gianfranco Zola's squad."

"We have a clear strategy in place to continue the development of the club in the years to come and integral to this is securing the future of our young players. It is good to see that Mark and James believe in what we are trying to achieve at West Ham United and are excited about the direction in which we are heading."

The double signing is great news and points to a bright Claret & Blue future!

How good is Matthew Upson?

Well, this one shouldn't take too long! When Curbishley bought Upson, I thought, "Oh no!" and all my fears were confirmed almost immediately. The guy was a physical wreck and, at his very best, had never been anything other than marginally above ordinary anyway. Like the signings of Downpipe and Quashie, this smacked of utter desperation (Yes, I admit that I thought Boa-Morte was a good signing at the time!). Remember Upson limping off after just 10 minutes against Tottenham? He was bought to help us avoid the drop and managed just 40 minutes of football that season, missing the whole of the Great Escape in the process. Finding Upson in a West Ham shirt was like trying to spot the director's cameo in a Hitchcock movie, and we lost both games that Upson appeared in anyway.

And then we went out and bought Dyer, Bellamy and Ljungberg, and the signing of Upson suddenly seemed to make sense. Curbishley wasn't building a football team but a Casualty ward, desperately trying to fill the beds to prevent closure of the BUPA ward in Newham General Hospital. Poor Beano needed company to keep up his spirits and Curbishley was the man to find him some friends. We only needed to sign Roy Figgis to set up a remake of Only When I Laugh! (Images of baggy eyed Curbishley in the Richard Wilson role exploding, "I do not believe it!")

Then there was the lump. No, not a lump on the leg or the testicles, something much worse, the "Upson lump", that long aimless thump up-field that characterised the Curbishley era. I imagine the dressing room before the game. Upson turns to Turds and asks, "One lump or two boss?"; Curbishley rubs his eyes and replies, "At least five, then after the first ten minutes we will review the plan." It was dire and, although he was looking superb as a defender, Upson was the "Lumper In Chief", the heavy artillery of Field Marshall Curbishley's "Over the top and Charge!!!!!!!!" idea of tactics.

But look at him now! Until the build up to the recent England games, an ever present in the Prem all season after starting 33 games last season. There are stories of witchcraft and Yellow Pages inserts to keep the guy fit, but credit where credit is due, he is the modern Lazarus. His defending is now excellent, so good in fact that at times I've wished that number 6 shirt hadn't been retired - Upson deserves to wear it. And with the arrival of Zola, so the lump has been retired. Now Upson feeds the ball to a midfielder and we play from the back.

Three goalless draws in one season at Chelsea, Liverpool and Arsenal is unheard of at West Ham. Tomkins, Neill and Collins have all looked top notch, no doubt enhanced by playing alongside Upson. As the senior partner of the centre backs he is the defensive captain of the team and, this season, he has done that job superbly. He is my choice as Hammer of the Year.

How good is Upson? He is our best centre back since Bobby Moore, so good that he would not disgrace that number 6 shirt. And I can't pay the guy a bigger compliment than that!

Why Tottenham May Be Make or Break

Our run in is certainly tough! Everton away, Villa away, Chelsea and Liverpool at home, Stoke away - we might hope for 4 to 6 points from that lot but we certainly would not EXPECT many more, particularly with all our injuries. Zola set a target of 52 points for European qualification and it is hard to see where those are coming from. The two points surrendered against West Brom could well prove very costly. The only "banker" between now and the end of the season is Boro at home, and we didn't exactly intimidate them in the cup games did we?

So, the Tottenham game becomes huge. A defeat puts them just three points behind us with an easier run in; a draw maintains a 6 point gap, and a victory would make it incredibly difficult for them to catch us. But with all the injuries, is a victory realistic or is a repeat of the 4-0 thumping more likely?

Tottenham fans certainly seem confident. But are they cocky with justification or just Cockyfools as usual? The sending off on Saturday will definitely help us as will yet another error from Gomes. Stuff the short corners lads, get the ball in the air in the box and give Gomes the opportunity to cock up! Defensively we are much stronger than last year and Bent is hardly a one for one replacement for Barbietop is he? Lennon will fortunately be up against Ilunga rather than Neill, unless Tottenham decide to switch his flank, in which case he becomes 50% less effective anyway. In truth, when you look at their team, they aren't too much to write home about despite all that outlay of money.

But what team will we send out? We need Tristan sadly, just for his inches. If Kovac and Parker are fit, will Stanislas retain his place or will Zola play safe and go with experience? I think he should opt for safety first. One point keeps a 6 point buffer and edges us marginally closer to our target. Defeat to one of our main rivals would not just be painful but potentially disastrous.

I hope Clarke and Zola invoke the spirit that saw us shut out Liverpool, Chelsea and Arsenal on their own dung heaps - banks of four closing, closing, closing. Then bring on Dyer for twenty minutes and go for the jugular!

What's To Be Done With Julian Faux Pas?

Well Read Madrid don't want our derailed TGV so it looks like he will be parking his fat derriere on our bench again any time soon. I hate to think how much he is collecting in wages given he was signed during the Turds and Egg era, but it is certainly enough to fill the hamster pouches in his cheeks and stretch his shorts to the very limit. So now we have to work out what the hell we do with him.

Not surprisingly, Julian is now making noises about looking forward to returning to the Boleyn. His dream move has turned into a nightmare so why not simply slip back into the cushy little number he had before? He doesn't like our training, he doesn't like the more physical aspects of the English game, you can bet your life he doesn't like the English winter, but West Ham's money? Well he is happy to take that!

Can we make any use of him apart from boiling him down for glue? It is a long time ago now and a lot of water has passed under the bridge since then, but if you caste your minds back to the start of the season, then Faux Pas was actually our most potent player. From memory five of our first seven goals came from Faubert crosses or passes. Back in September I was thinking, crikey, this guy can play a bit. Then Zola arrived and the decision was made to switch him to right back. Even then the early signs were promising. Faubert looked solid and actually made some telling last ditch penalty box interceptions. But then something strange happened - suddenly Faux Pas seemed to think that the pitch ended at the half way line and getting him to cross it, never mind cross the ball, was like trying to encourage somebody scared of heights to step forward to the edge of a cliff.

All confidence now evaporated and all he seemed to want to do was release the ball as soon as he received it, even if that meant, as it invariably did, giving it to the opposition. Perhaps Zola shares some of the blame for this. Our game plan moved from long ball to short quick passing and so Faubert was perhaps simply following the manager's instructions, but the trouble is, he was crap at it! Suddenly a pass to Faubert produced the same anticipation of a groan as a pass to Boa-Morte. When that groan is stored up, it becomes so easy to release when a pass goes astray. A misplaced Noble, Collison, Parker or Behrami pass is greeted with warm applause for the attempt, a misplaced Faubert or Boa-Morte pass is greeted with groans and jeers. Inevitably, that undermines confidence and results in still more mistakes.

Personally, I think the guy can cut it in the Prem. He isn't old and he can play in two positions. It may be that his pace has gone because of that injury: it is worrying that Madrid have been disappointed with his "fitness". Perhaps that's why he is as reluctant to go round a full back as a zebra is to pass a hungry lion. If so, then we might as well scrap him. However, sometimes a loss of speed is in the head. The extra touch of the ball due to loss of confidence removes momentum and gives the opponent the chance to steady himself for the anticipated challenge. The instinct of the attacker then is to stop and turn inside - which is what Faubert does every time.

The solution? Just get Faubert running at Neill in training and whipping over crosses. If he can't do Lucash for pace, he really is a shot bolt. But if he can, the more he does it, the more his confidence will grow. He and Behrami could yet form an effective partnership down our right flank, covering for each other defensively and terrifying opposition left backs with the option of one cutting inside with the ball or the other breaking on the overlap.

I am not exactly welcoming Faubert back with open arms but I hope the fans give the guy a chance. His decision to join Madrid was fair enough - who would turn down an opportunity like that - and should not be held against him. Yes he has a fat backside, yes he looks like he is permanently sulking and yes he looked very ordinary from October onwards, but let's remember his August and September form and hope. The train now pulling in to Upton Park is the TGV away day from Madrid!

Is Wigan's Zaki The Answer?

Steve Bruce would say, "If he is, then it must be a bloody stupid question" but the guy hasn't become a bad player since Christmas. He certainly will not be staying at Wigan, that's for sure! He and Bruce seem to get on as well as Bush and Bin Laden and his no show after this week's international is surely the final nail in his Wigan coffin. Will any of the big boys want him? I doubt it now. His goals have dried up and he has a bad boy reputation into the bargain. As toxic as a take away meal in Cairo some will say.

But the fact is, the guy can play a bit. He is big, strong, can head the ball and, when his tail is up, can hit the back of the net. I liked what I saw before he fell out with Bruce and I fancy Zola would have the man management skills to make him feel special and loved. So, if he is available at a price in the region of £5m, I would say he was worth the gamble.

The Academy of Our Dreams - Not Tottenham's, Newcastle's, Sunderland's, Chelsea's, or Villa's.

We may or may not have a mega rich owner at some point in the near future but, either way, I hope desperately that we do not go the route of Tottenham, Liverpool, Chelsea et all. City supporters have taken issue with comparisons with Chelsea, justifiably pointing to the kids they have brought through in recent seasons, but we all know that in two years time, they will be the Harlem Globe Trotters of the Premier League, the team sheet packed with razzle, dazzle superstars, living in a hinterland between the professional game and a fantasy league. They will win nothing as per usual but they will win it with a swagger - and probably without a home grown player worth the name.

West Ham are different, always have been. Leaving aside the Tevez fiasco, we are the good guys of the game, playing football the way it should be played and bringing through talented youngsters for the England team. Look at the current squad and you will see Ferdinand, Cole, Carrick, Defoe, Johnson and Lampard. That, conceivably, is six starters. Who else can compare with that? Tottenham would have King but he isn't allowed to play by Doctor Redknapp and Peter Crouch, though he never kicked a ball in anger for the club so hardly counts. Liverpool have Gerrard and would have Traitor Carragher but he declines to play. Chelsea have Carlton Goals and Terry (but he started his career on West Ham's books anyway). Arsenal have Cashley Cole but then they would probably choose to forget that! Everton have Rooney. Villa boast Ivebonkedawhore and Barry, though like Defoe and Terry, his schoolboy days were spent elsewhere (Brighton). What about Manchester United, who previously contributed the backbone of Butt, the two Nevilles, Beckham and Scholes to the side? Times have changed and only Wes Brown and Beckham, a hang over from the previous era, remains. Nobody from Newcastle, only Wright-Phillips from City, though surely Micah Richards will feature soon. In fact, if we look at the squad we see that, West Ham apart, it is lower league teams who launch careers: Green (Norwich) James (Watford), Foster (Racing Club Warwick), Johnson (West Ham), Wes Brown (Man U), Cashley Cole (Arsenal), Baines (Wigan), Upson (Luton), Terry (Chelsea), Ferdinand (West Ham), Jagielka (Shafting United), Carrick (West Ham), Lennon (Leeds) Beckham (Man U), Lampard (West Ham) Gerrard (Liverpool), Barry (Brighton / Villa), Walcott (Southampton), Joe Cole (West Ham), Hargreaves (Calgary Foothills), Downing (Boro) Carlton Goals (Chelsea), Heskey (Leicester) Rooney (Everton), Defoe (Charlton / West Ham), Bent (Ipswich), Ivebonkedawhore (Villa), Young (Watford) Wright-Phillips (City), Crouch (Tottenham with a cough!).

It is a sobering thought for the fans in the North East that Calgary Foothills and Racing Club Warwick combined have produced more current England players than the three North East Giants put together. Is it any wonder the three "sleeping giants" are nearly in a coma?

Why have I bothered with this breakdown? Well England could almost send out a team made up of players raised or signed by West Ham: 1.James or Green 2.Johnson 3.Upson 4.Carrick 5.Rio Ferdinand 6 Tomkins or Anton 7.Lampard 8.Noble 9.Carlton 10.Defoe 11.Joe Cole. Now that wouldn't be the best England team ever, I accept, but nor would it be the worst! That is nothing short of incredible and no other club could come close. Certainly that team would tonk any side composed exclusively of English born players linked to any other club. The message to any promising kid in the game is clear - join West Ham!

And my main point? I want this to continue. If a big money owner comes in, then it should be the signal to stop selling our talent not to go out and buy a team made elsewhere. Let's make West Ham the Academy of Our Dreams and not the Brit School for other club's theatres of dreams!

Where are you Tottenham and Manchester City? (Ashes asks!)

A terrific afternoon for the Hammers but not so good for the wannabees, Citeh and Spuds. Ha Ha! The look of horror on Harry's Jowly Face said it all. He thought that a dodgy penalty, and Keane arrogantly placing the ball IN FRONT of the penalty spot, were going to be enough to get them home. His players thought it was enough. They thought they were going to rocket into 7th place. They thought they were too good for their Chelsea-beating boots. Ha Ha! They should have asked the mighty, mighty Hammers how hard it is to beat Blackburn on their dung heap. Just a couple of yellow cards (which Palacios can't appeal) and Bob's your uncle: McCarthy and Oojier sent them packing with the help of Gomes. Justly. Couldn't have happened to a nicer bunch! (sorry for laying on the schadenfreude so thick mates, but ... no, wait a minute, NOT sorry).

Similar story at the Emirates. Another team that was supposed to be "going places". A team so good that the Putter-Nutter said, "I'd be crazy to turn down the offer to be part of something so big". A team that cannot score away from home! How much did they pay for Ribena? He has only scored once in 2009 - and that was for Brazil!

On this day, two young Academy products, one just turned twenty the other nineteen, showed anybody who cared to watch (not that Citeh and Spuds think we're worth watching) how it is done: with spirit, with tenacity, with skill, with style, with grace, with FUN.

THANK YOU HAMMERS FOR MAKING MY DAY!!!

The Mordant Org

Things are looking a bit desperate over at the Mordant Org. Even Archbishop Aycliffe has resorted to asking where everybody has gone and saying a prayer for the soul of the formerly vibrant West Ham chat forum. His reference to a self imposed ban brought Tricky Dicky Nixon out of his bunker to protest that the Klan Komittee had not Konvened to Knock out another Kontributer. Grumpy (pictured pleasuring a Henry?) of course put it down to international week and claimed it is always slack during weeks when west Ham are not playing, but that hardly explains why there was more chat and laughter at Jade Goody's funeral than in the Org's chat rooms today. West Ham decimated by injuries sweep aside Sunderland, featuring a returning Anton, with goals from two Academy boys, and the best the Org can muster is Grumpy's "Go Dyer" and the woefully inaccurate "I can feel another goal coming..." I'm waiting Dave. I'm waiting. As usual, you don't know what you're fking talking about! Mind you, that hardly compares with his opinion that there is nothing left to play for! I thought we were trying to get into Europe!

The truth of the matter, of course, is that if you stifle debate, you smother a forum. Controversy feeds debate; if everybody agrees with everybody else, there's nothing to talk about. The Org is dying on its feet whilst the back slappers gradually creep away, bored by the hollowness of the contributions. How long before the Klan find themselves talking to themselves? Hi Wrighty. Hi Dave. Hi Irons. Alright Bruv? How you diddling Bruv? Remember that club in Chelmsford Bruv? Cattle market Bruv. LOL Bruv. Carlton Cole is crap Bruv. Too right Bruv. Hi Jase. How you diddling Bruv? Great Bruv. Boys did good Bruv. Boys always do good Bruv. Support the manager Bruv. Support the club Bruv. Too right Bruv. Hate the Spuds Bruv. Hate the Spuds too Bruv. Better without Fanno Bruv. Much better Bruv. Still there Dave? Dave, you still there bruv? Still there Jase? Still there Irons? Well I'm still here, not in Shanghai but here. Anybody else here? Bruv? Bruv? Bruv? Talk to me Bruv!

West Ham v Sunderland. A Tale of Two Colts and an Old Nag!

On and upwards! I got the formation wrong, not least because I had a brainstorm and forgot Noble, but what a great afternoon at Upton Park. No Beano, no Cole, no Collison, no Kovac, no Parker, no Gabbidon, all of whom would walk into the Sunderland team, and we tonked them - well Tomkinsed them anyway.

All the team were heroes in the circumstances - it would have been so easy to accept a draw and blame the casualty list - but three stood out for me. Stanislas and Tomkins obviously, when young kids from the Academy score it sends a thrill down the spine, but the joker in the pack was that old nag, Luis Boa-Morte. On this showing, the guy does have something to offer. Had his shot not been blocked near the end, he might even have got on the score sheet! Now that would have been a bigger shock than the 100-1 winner of the National!

From back to front, we played well as a team, passing and moving impressively and looking superior to Blunderland in every area of the pitch. Watching their performance, you have to worry for the Black Prats. How much have they spent to assemble that team? It has to be the biggest waste of money this side of Lloyds buying HBOS. Black cats, black horses, black days ahead possibly! The decision not to start Kenwyne was perverse and made Tomkins and Upson's afternoon so much easier. Was that Niall Quinn yelling "Ricky I want to talk to you!" at the end of the game or was it just a re-run of Bianca yelling in Eastenders?

Sad to see Spector stretchered from the pitch, let's hope it is only concussion. What on earth was Tristan up to on those corners? Noble clearly didn't want him out there and time wasting when winning 2-0 was negative and stupid. Somebody needs to tell the guy that at West Ham we play the game in the right spirit! The laughable moment when Tristan took the short corner, then danced round the Sunderland player and left the ball behind was a collector's piece but it led directly to poor Ilunga collecting a yellow card as Sunderland counter attacked. Those moments apart, Tristan looked better than previously. He moved for a start! But joking apart, he had a better than fair game, as did Di Michele. Perhaps the clever money was on us to win this one eh David?

Green was a worry though wasn't he? He is still flapping badly at crosses. Collins preserved our clean sheet with yet another "goal line" clearance but Green should not be putting his defenders in this position with his rushes of blood when the ball is lumped into our box. England keeper? Not on this showing!

But I don't want to end on a negative. Tomkins, Noble, Stanislas - all products of the Academy and the best of the bunch, Collison wasn't available. Let's hope Freddie Sears can find his feet and come again. These are happy times for us Hammers!

Faubert Shock!

The world of football was reeling today with the shock news that Real Madrid will not be exercising their option to buy Julian Faubert on a permanent deal in the summer. Having had hardly any opportunity to show what he can do, the West Ham and France star is to be sent packing when the present season ends. Once again, it seems, Jaunde Ramos has managed to pull disaster from the jaws of opportunity.

Faubert himself has spoken of his disappointment at the decision. Ever the self effacing, modest, diplomat, the Flying Frenchman (returning no doubt on Ryanair) has refused to criticise Ramos or the Spanish giants, although he must be stunned by the decision. As missed opportunities go, this is surely up there with Leeds United's decision to sell Cantona to Manchester United.

"The boy is a genius", said Faubert's mystified agent. "Madrid have simply failed to get the best out of him. People were surprised when the deal was initially announced and questioned the sanity of Ramos, but Julian and I knew that his performances at West Ham did not reflect his true ability. The English game is far too rough and tumble for somebody like Julian. He is an artist, not a painter and decorator. West Ham wanted him to, how do you say in English, bosh, bosh, bosh, but Julian wanted to create a work of art. And that takes time. It isn't all about going round a full back and whipping in a cross, it is about style and finesse. The Va Va Voom as Thiery Henry describes it."

Poor Faubert now faces the unhappy prospect of returning to the Hammers and suffering the taunts of the fans and the brutal training regimes at the club. "It will be a living hell for him," his agent Totale Merde told us. "I only hope that one of the other major clubs see sense and sign him. Who knows, he could be a Manchester United, Barcelona or Milan player by the start of next season."

Team For Sunderland.

Zola faces a few selection dilemmas ahead of the game today. At the back, assuming Upson isn't saving himself for England games and Collins for the Welsh, a choice has to be made between Tomkins and Ginge. Up front, it is a case of "Is there anybody on the books who can score?" and in midfield, "Who is fit and how adventurous are we prepared to be?".

Lessons can perhaps be learned from the victory at Sunderland but, the more I think about that game, the more the conundrum deepens (do conundrums deepen?). At the back, Collins had a Tale of Two Cities, the best of times and the worst of times. Second half, the Sunderland crosses unerringly found that shock of receding red hair in our penalty box. By the end of the game, Collins must have had a headache! However, Cisse, in truth, gave him a torrid time and should have bagged three. After the game, there was plenty of discussion about whether Sunderland should have had a pen for Collins pulling down Jones in the box and whether Collins should have stayed on the pitch after a tangle of bodies when Neptune tried to burst clear. Go back to last season and Jones mugged Upson all game at Upton Park and we were lucky to come away with a 3-1 victory, scoring twice in the last ten minutes. I would go with Tomkins and Upson personally, trusting to their pace to counter the threat of Cisse running onto the ball 'over the top' but I say that with no real conviction. Jones might then bag two with his head! Neill will revert to right back and Ilunga is a given on the left of defence.

Up front, it sounds as if Zola has decided to go with Tristan. I can see the sense in that because we need somebody to play off. However, there was no big man up front when we beat Sunderland on their dung heap, Bellamy and Sears buzzed around and ran Sunderland's back four ragged. And it was Bellyache who came on and destroyed Sunderland at UP last season. I'm pleased we sold Period Pains, £14m was a fantastic settlement, but boy could we do with him today. Anton must be smiling at the prospect of stopping Di Michele and Tristan on his first return to the Boleyn. There can't be many less potent strike forces in the Prem if we are honest. A whole season with those two up front would spell relegation!

What about more daring alternatives? Personally I would love to see Dyer start, playing just behind Tristan with Savio wide left and Stanislas wide right. That is the only line up that I can see putting Blunderland onto the back foot. With Parker and Kovac (if fit) anchoring midfield, we should look to camp in Sunderland's half and terrify their full backs with pace.

So my team would read: Green; Neill, Tomkins, Upson, Ilunga; Stanislas, Kovac, Parker, Savio; Dyer, Tristan. However, I anticipate seeing Di Michele for Dyer and Boa-Morte for either Stanislas or Savio as Clarke persuades Zola to play it safe. I never predict results but I am not confident! Have a great day anyway Marty!

Postscript: I forgot Noble! How did I forget Noble?

Newcastle Fans, How Selfish Is Shearer?

Did you hear that incredible quotation? "A friend asked if I didn't take the job and Newcastle survived, wouldn't I regret it? And the answer was yes." A slip of the tongue or a short circuit into the guy's subconscious? Why is he back exactly? To save the club or to perpetuate the myth that, like Keegan, King Al can walk on water?

It is high time the Geordies checked out the story of King Canute. The tide will come in no matter who orders it not to. Shearer, as ever, is looking after number nine, looking for personal glory and adulation. If he had really had the interests of the club at heart, he would have stepped in as soon as Keegan left, or when Kinnear was rushed into hospital. Trouble is, he could then have been judged and might have been deemed a failure. Now, if the Loony Toons go down, everyone will say, "What chance did he stand, there were only 8 games left when he took over and the transfer window was closed."

Ginola was on the radio this morning and talking about how boring Shearer was as a person. He termed him a "winner on the pitch" but suggested that he was uninspiring in the dressing room. Well he can't bang in the goals from the dug out so it is his ability to motivate in that dressing room that will now count. He sends me to sleep as soon as he starts droning on MOTD so I can't see how he is going to get anybody fired up personally. He reminds me of Curbishley - boring, boring, boring. Tell me, how often does the return of an ex player as manager signal success? Not often! But why does that matter, if it doesn't work, it won't be Alan's fault will it?

It is Heads Al wins, Tails Al wins. And Newscastle? The castle doesn't count, it is only the King that matters!

Why we owe our survival to Anton Ferdinand!

Anton made his debut in August 2003, as a very young centre back and he remains young. We have said of Tomkins that he is learning his trade. Well, Anton is probably still developing. Brother Rio has unquestionably just had his best season ever this year. So, what do the stats show about Anton's effect on West Ham's win to games played ratio over his career at the club? Did he make a positive difference to our results when he was in the team? Well in 163 games with Anton in the team, West Ham won 43.56% of their games. Over the five full seasons that Anton was in the team, the win ratio in all league games played stood at 39.3%. So, we actually won more games with Anton in the team than we did without him in the team. And he was learning his trade at the time. Yes he made mistakes, but who doesn't? Of course, a mistake by a centre half, like a mistake by a keeper, tends to be higher profile.

The most amazing facts emerge when we look at the year of the Great Escape however (2006/07). During that traumatic season, Anton played in EVERY game that we won. In none of the seven league games that he missed did we get a victory! Nor was he in the team that lost 3-0 to Palermo, nor was he in the team that crashed out of the cup to Watford. Ferdinand's win percentage that season was 44%, and overall the team had a win ratio of just 31% for the whole season. Looked at one way, that is a net difference folks of 13%! Looked at another way, we had a win ratio of 0% when Anton wasn't playing and of 44% when he was! That is some difference! It gets better still. Anton also played in ALL our drawn league games that season except the 3-3 home draw against Fulham, which is not really a result a defender would want to associate himself with. So EVERY point we gained except for one in that disastrous season was gained with Ferdinand IN the team! We thought it was Tevez, Neill and Noble who saved us! Well the facts show that Ferdinand was absolutely key to our survival. Had we won 44% of all our games (the ratio of victories when Ferdinand was IN the team), we would have ended the season with 50 points!

We owe a debt of gratitude to Anton and I expect to see him in an England shirt at some point in the future. Check out Sunderland’s comparative results with and without Anton in the team this season, and you will see that he has made a positive difference there too.

All that said, I hope he makes a couple of errors tomorrow and hands us a brace of goals. Without Cole, I'm not sure how else we are going to score!

Why, why, why, Boa-Morte?

With no Cole, no Behrami and no Collison (not much point in mentioning the absence of Beano), the chances are we will see Luis Boa-Morte in action tomorrow. Some Hammers fans are confused by the "enigma" that is Boa, wondering how a player who looked so good before he joined us, can look so consistently awful in Claret and Blue. Those fans have selective memories of Boa before he was ours.

Let’s examine his record. Just 46 career goals during a playing career stretching to over 300 club games hardly represents "scoring for fun" does it? At full international level, playing in a very good Portugal team, he mustered a grand total of just 2 goals in 25 games. He did score for fun in his first season at Fulham, notching 18 of those 46 career goals in just 39 games - but that was in the Fizzy Pop!

And that, sadly, is where Boa belongs!

Let Southampton Be a Warning

I remember a New Year's Eve in Southampton. At midnight the air was filled with a terrible dirge, like witches howling with tooth ache. All the ships in the docks were sounding their fog horns to signal the New Year and it sounded like time itself was coming to an end, drowning beneath a mournful hymn to sorrow.

I have a soft spot for the Saints. I was at Uni in Southampton and as a kid traveled up once every season from Yeovil to watch West Ham play at the Dell. Remember Terry Paine, Davies, Channon, Keegan, Stokes, Osgood, Ball, Shearer and co? Remember that Cup Final victory over United? Remember how they were a permanent fixture in the top division?

Today their holding company went into receivership and the club has been placed in the hands of the administrators. If a buyer cannot be found, the club may cease to exist. That would be a travesty, a disaster. Every true fan in the land must hope that the Saints can find a saviour.

But looking beyond Southampton, this all has an uncomfortably familiar ring to it. We are owned by a holding company that is on a stay of execution which runs out in a little over two months' time. If we haven't been sold by then, we could well find ourselves in the same position as Southampton. Major car companies may cease to exist in the coming months, high street clearing banks may yet go to the wall, football clubs are small beer in the circumstances.

I can hear those fog horns wailing as I write. I hope they herald a new year and a prosperous future for both the Saints and ourselves. I hope, but I am by no means certain.

Get Off Curbishley's Back (Says Phil The Tinker)

Fanno, what are you on about?

I remember Curbs palming off the credit to the players after every match, praising their performances. Pardew was taking us down and Curbs kept us up, and yet you still prefer Pardew; why?

Curbs didn't play attractive football but at the end of the day, during the great escape, were you really concerned with our style of play or just picking up the results?

The next season we gave him a chance to get us mid table security, and although it was one hell of a boring season, he did it. This season he couldn't take us further in the opinion of pretty much everyone, but he did exactly what was asked. Why continue to bombard him with insults?

I wasn't a happy hammer under Curbs, but we achieved what we needed to. What has Pardew gone on to do? Nothing! Don't get me wrong I loved Pardew as a personality and he got us up and into the FA Cup final, two things I will never forget, but the man was taking us down to the fizzy pop league.

Maybe you should drop some grudges and look at things realistically. You like looking at stats, maybe you should look at the one important stat, we are still in the Premier League. If you are writing a book on this, you really need to become more receptive to other people's opinions otherwise your entire book is going to be one sided and never get published.

As I said earlier last season, I didn't enjoy last season because we were a boring team, but I think the reason we were so boring is because there was nothing to get worked up about. Look at it like this:

Season 1 - Relegation
Season 2 - Lose Play off final
Season 3 - Win Play off final
Season 4 - FA Cup Final
Season 5 - Fight for our lives in a relegation dog fight
Season 6 - Nothing
This Season fighting for Europe.

So was it the football that was boring or the season? Look at things from more than one perspective for a change otherwise you will never become an author.

Phil The Tinkler

Where was Upson?

So where was Upson last night? I'm not talking about the original selection, I am not myopic enough to think that he will get into the England side ahead of Terry and Ferdinand, but why didn't he come on when Ferdinand went off injured? After playing in 6 of the last 7 games, without letting the side down, why wasn't he the first man that Capello turned to when Rio went for an early bath? Jagielka? Really? This was the guy who gave away possession for the first Spain goal and who looked the more uncertain of the centre backs all game. Protecting a slender one goal lead as we were, I was shocked to see the fourth choice coming on ahead of the third. What was Capello up to?

Of course, apologists for Fabio will point to the fact that we did not surrender the lead and so the decision was vindicated, but the ex Shafting United man did give away two free kicks in his short time on the pitch, and the only way that Ukraine were going to score was from a set play, so he can hardly have been described as having a stormer! What was going on? I hope Upson didn't express displeasure when left out, so blotting his copy book. I don't think Fabio takes too kindly to players questioning his decisions.

And what about the rest? Well talk about from the sublime to the ridiculous! We looked fantastic on Saturday but from kick off, we showed Ukraine far too much respect - we almost looked scared and I can't work out why. James was awful and Cole was even worse. Terry scored that crucial goal but, at the back, seemed to struggle when challenging for the ball in the air. Is his back playing him up? Johnson didn't have a good game either and the Ukraine goal came from a rebound off his body. Barry collected his yellow far too early and might have been sent off by a more fussy referee whilst Lennon looked what he is, a speed merchant whose brain can't keep up with his feet. And I'm sorry but Lampard and Gerrard seemed to be on different wavelengths again. Even Beckham looked subdued, although inevitably it was from his cross that we scored the winner. Crouch took his goal well but didn't convince me - although his scoring record for England is sensational, averaging very close to one goal every two games. Carlton Cole critics take note, Heskey doesn't score as many as Crouch but England look so much better when Emile plays. Which brings us to Rooney. He stood out like the real jewel, the true World Class player but Rooney is Rooney - in a World Cup he might see red for THAT challenge, even though he connected with the ball first. Lampard and Gerrard both looked away wincing, fearing the worst.

We will still win the World Cup but only if we can keep Rooney fit and on the pitch. Argentina won it once with an ordinary team supporting Maradonna; we have a good team supporting Rooney so are actually stronger. We still have Defoe, Cole and Walcott to come into this squad and Hargreaves might recover to take Barry's place at some point. Left back and goalkeeper are the big headaches, that and Rooney's fitness, both physical and mental!

The Turning of a Gooner (Marty and Son's Story)

Soon after I first posted on the now mordant org, there was a very good discussion about our memories of “the great escape”. I contributed with the story of my son who, seven years old at the time and an Arsenal fan like his grandfather, watched the first win in our amazing run. For one reason and another he watched every game thereafter and became a kind of talisman. Anyway, I incurred the wrath of the reverend delMonte for my failure to ensure that my son worshipped at the claret and blue altar. When I admitted that it was indeed partly my fault, even the normally mild mannered archbishop Aycliffe saw fit to castigate me with words that to this day send a shiver down my spine.

But then, last summer whilst walking down the architecturally staggering streets of the city of Milton Keynes, who should I bump into? Only the legend that is Billy Bonds. “Look son” I said “that’s Billy Bonds, my favourite player from when I was a lad!” He didn’t believe me, so I walked up to Billy and, gentleman that he is, he gave me a few minutes of his time. My lad’s jaw dropped and when he saw that around the corner were the boys of ’66 doing a signing, he was star struck. I pointed out to him that the one’s on either end (perhaps there is truth in that rumour) were Hurst and Peters, also, I told my son, West Ham legends; and that dear old Bobby Moore should have been there too.

Later that afternoon he said to me, “Dad, when you get me a new football kit can I have a West Ham one?” The clouds parted, the sun burst through and a chorus of angels sang. “Haaaaallelujah!! Hallelujah, Hallelujah” I was onto the club shop next morning and within forty eight hours I was dropping him off at training……………in claret and blue.

“Nice kit” said his coach, who was fed up with seeing the usual big four colours. My little heart fair burst out of my chest with pride.

And so we come full circle; he will be receiving his first communion at the holy chapel of the Boleyn when we play Sunderland………… and I can’t wait!!

(Story told by El Martillo. Any other stories of conversions on the way to John Lewis or of fond memories that are West Ham related - let me know and I will post them!)

Shearer Nonsense! Wake Me Up When You Go Go!

Can you Adam and Eve it? King Kev is dead, long live King Al! How many times has Shearer turned down the job at Newscastle? Now with zero personal accountability because he can't buy and can't sell and so has a ready made excuse for failure, he walks back into Newscastle on a "Heads I win, Tails I win" basis. Newscastle avoid the drop and it will all be down to Shearer; Newscastle go down, well what chance did the lad stand with only eight games to save them?

Remember how Curbishley claimed the credit for saving us on the back of the Great Escape? The truth of the matter is, of course, that his appalling management took us to the brink and beyond, only for a miraculous series of beneficial coincidences, triggered by the goal that never was at Blackburn, to save us. If Newscastle do go down, Shearer will have played just as big a negative part as Curbishley because he has behaved in an incredibly selfish way all season, flirting with the job and, in the process, undermining the incumbents. Now he returns like the Messiah, walking on the Tyne, safe in the knowledge that he can only take the plaudits, not the brickbats.

I do hope he falls flat on his face. He has bored us senseless on Match of The Day so I struggle to see how he can be inspirational in the dressing room. What's that noise drowning out your team talk Alan? Snoring?

Or is this all an April Fool? Hang on, I laughed at Old Skool and I've just put my head into the noose! You couldn't write it!