Police Site Identifies the Boleyn Ground as Crime Blackspot!

Never mind when we play Millwall at home, the new Police Crime Mapping Site has identified the Boleyn Ground as a hotbed of criminal activity. Even setting aside the violence that occasionally breaks out on the terraces and in the streets around the stadium, the following crimes have been flagged for the location:

Criminal defending
Criminal finishing
Criminal selection policies
Criminal tactics
Criminal signings
& Criminal financial mismanagement.

Thank God for this new website! Without it, how would we ever know if an area was dangerous or not? I'm so glad I checked it out. Who would have guessed that Liverpool is a centre for car crime otherwise? Bloody amazing!

Instead of loading data onto computers, perhaps the Bobbies could get up off their arses and start walking the beat! But then again, they're not going to risk going into those high crime areas full of dangerous criminal types are they? Much more sensible to stand at the side of  a dual carriageway, with an unmarked 30 m.p.h limit, holding speed cameras and booking law abiding citizens for doing 36 miles an hour!

"What's that sir, a mugging in Talbot Road? Not surprised. Nasty location that sir. Best to steer well clear; we do. But we will be sure to log it on to the computer."