tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-41573347715267602712024-03-13T07:28:03.373+00:00West Ham United - The Game's Gone CrazyThe crazy world of Smoking Slaven's West Ham Wonders!Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger4108125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4157334771526760271.post-58569586645381247372018-08-21T23:25:00.002+01:002018-08-21T23:25:20.001+01:00Too Early to Panic?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br /><br />
Ok, it is only two games. True, Liverpool would have beaten every team in the division, including Man City, in their first home fixture post Champions League Final defeat. Fair enough the players are comparative strangers. I also get that Bournemouth are under rated and had a fantastic preseason. But the fact remains that, but for Huddersfield, we would now be rock bottom of the division and, to finish with just 38 points, already need more than a point a game. So is it already time to panic?<br />
<br />
Most will scoff at the idea of a crisis. "Panic?" goes the mantra, "We just need time." The optimists point to Pellegrini's impressive CV and £100m of signings. But the trouble is, the Prem doesn't give you time and, as all financial investment vehicles will tell you, past performance is no guarantee of future success.<br />
<br />
Pellegrini has a great CV but he may be on the slippery slope to inglorious retirement. Let's be honest here, Man City have looked a much better team under Pep than they ever did under the Chilean. Then there is the little matter of China. If the Greying Pelle really walks on water as his advocates suggest, why did he take a job out there instead of slipping in to the hot seat of a European giant? And who has replaced him out there? The Welsh Wizard who took Sunderland down to the old third division!<br />
<br />
If Pellegrini really is so smart, why the hell did he mirror Liverpool's formation for that opening fixture? We all know they are better than us, player for player, in just about every position, so the only way of stopping them is to offer a chllenge in terms of team shape. The aim had to be to frustrate for 60 minutes and then, with their fans getting anxious about an early setback, to go for the jugular. Instead, Pellegrini played a high line, no holding midielder, a flat back four and Anderson in a role where he was expected to track back to protect Masuaku. I saw the team and predicted 5-0.<br />
<br />
Then along came Bournemouth. That game was even more worrying because the Cherries could very easily have scored five. The warning signs were there in the first half when Wilson walked on to a simple defence splitting pass and Fabianski was forced into a good save; and again when Brooks fluffed that header. But what did Pellegrini do at half time? Sweet FA. Worse still, he then sat on his hands as Bournemouth took total control of the game as the second period unfolded and only made a change when we fell behind, taking off our best hope of scoring an equaliser! Tactical genius? The word numpty sprang more readily to my mind.<br />
<br />
And it wasn't just about team shape. Does anybody think it was clever to drop Rice from the squad? OK, like the rest, he was exposed by Liverpool, but he is an exciting prospect and we should be developing him, not humiliating him by dropping him after one poor showing. What about Snodgrass for Antonio? How many of us felt that was a good call at kick off, never mind by the time the man who has been relegated with three different clubs was substituted?<br />
<br />
Then there is the decision to play a flat back four with Masuaku at left back. The guy can't bloody defend! He is an accident waiting to happen in his own final third as our defensive record shows when he has started as a left back. Cresswell may not be Maldini, but he is at least half decent when it comes to the business of stopping the opposition from scoring.<br />
<br />
But the biggest worry of all is how few options we have defensively. Zabaletta is old. Our new right back looked Championship class at Anfield and his confidence will be at rock bottom having been dumped after one game. The centre back pairing are too slow and have no idea what each other are doing. True we have Diop but if Pellegini had any faith in him, why didn't he start after the Liverpool debacle and why wasn't he brought on to shore things up at the back against Bournemouth when they were running riot? Was I alone in thinking, where is James Collins when you need him?<br />
<br />
Is Fabianski good enough? Not to keep Swansea up last season! Is Sanchez the answer to a brittle midfield? Most of the fans didn't seem to think so when we signed him. What about Anderson? Well I have seen nothing to get excited about so far. He received the ball standing stock still far too often against Bournemouth. He seemed reluctant to run at his full back. Too often he looked for the easy ball rather than taking responsibility for making something happen. And when he gave the ball away, there was no appetite to chase back and help out his defence. Pedestrian, lightweight and lazy? Is that what £40m buys in the current market? Brooks looked a much better player to me!<br />
<br />
But it is surely too early to panic isn't it? We just need time. Well I would buy that if Time was a secret signing who could play left back, right back, holding midfield and centre back all at the same time. There remain glaring holes in the squad and time alone will not solve that problem. £100m has been spent, but it has not been spent wisely.<br />
<br />
And before anybody replies, we are too good to go down, please, remember Defoe, Di Canio, Cole, Carrick, Kanoute and company!<br />
<br />
,<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4157334771526760271.post-2249363892199713102018-06-11T20:39:00.000+01:002018-06-11T20:39:20.401+01:00In Defence of the Board<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
OK, this doesn't come easy as I am no fan of Princess Brady and the Dildo Brothers, but with so many knives drawn because of our failure so far to land a marquee signing, I think it is time to say a few words in their defence. This isn't going to make me popular but I am used to that, so here goes...<br />
<br />
The big complaint at the moment is that we are bidding low and so risking losing the services of Anderson and co. It is a familiar gripe, of course, as season after season we are linked with players who ultimately we fail to sign, but before we all get carried away, let's just stop and reflect on the business done and not done in recent years..<br />
<br />
To begin, the club has shown that you don't have to break the bank to bring in quality. Antonio was a snip. Lanzini was a bargain. Cresswell was a steal. Obgonna was damn good business. Obiang was cheap. Kouyate was excellent value. Hernandez may yet prove to be an astute signing. Zabaleta proves that not all freebies are to be sniffed at. Adrian may not be top drawer but was a better buy than Hart would have been! Fernandes has shown glimpses of being a quality player. And, of course, at £11.5million, a certain Dmitry Payet proved that there are gems out there in the bargain buckets.<br />
<br />
Who were the best buys over the last few years? That would surely have to be Leicester's capture of Kante and Mahrez, and neither of those brought the bankers out in a cold sweat.<br />
<br />
Now let's flip the coin and look at who we could have signed. If the rumours were true, we bid somewhere in the region of £30million for Lacazette. Now, given he can't score regularly for Arsenal, would that have been money well spent? At the £40m asking price, I would call that a bullet dodged personally. Then there were rumours of a £25m bid for Benteke. Anybody fancy that deal now? How about the £20m wanted for Zaza? Or the £24m paid by Leicester for Iheanacho? Do they look great deals now?<br />
<br />
Of course we have splashed the dosh too. £20m plus for Ayew! How many of us complained at the time, but was that sensible? How about £8m for Fonte or £10m for Snodgrass? If you pay whatever you are asked to pay, then you generally pay too much. Then there's the £8m for Hugill of course. Stupid bloody money!<br />
<br />
So now we come to this summer. Even before the injury to Lanzini, we needed at least five quality players to make us a decent team. Now with our most creative player out for the entire season, I make that six. And how big is the transfer budget? Well we are told £75m and whilst that seems like typical bullshit, let's take it at face value for the moment and do the sums. Divide 75 by 6 and you get £12.5m per player - or six Dmitry Payet deals!<br />
<br />
True we have already landed a free transfer, meaning the available funds equate to £15m per player or, God help us, five Andy Carrolls!<br />
<br />
Now if this is the case, would it really be sensible to splash £30m plus on one midfield player, especially a midfield player untested in the blood and thunder of the Premiership? Personally, I suspect not.<br />
<br />
So I put it to you all that Sullivan is right to only buy on our terms. The Board proved with Arnie that they are prepared to pay big when the price is right - and once Bilic was gone, that proved a fantastic deal.<br />
<br />
Sod what Pellegrini wants, he NEEDS a quality squad, not a second rate squad with two high earning big names. And, to be honest, if he is a decent manager, then he should be able to work with the team he has inherited and get decent results. Are Burnley any better than us, player for player? We would take Pope, of course, but how many of the others? What about Watford? Or Everton for that matter? Bilic lost control of the players and Moyes was too cautious by far. Surely a half decent manager should be able to incorporate Hernandez, Antonio and Arnie into a potent attacking team with Kouyate and Lanzini, when fit, also breaking into the box? Sort out the defence and replace Lanzini and top 8 should be a realistic target surely?<br />
<br />
So let's get real. We are not Man City or Liverpool. We haven't just sold Gareth Bale either. Let's focus on realistic targets. Defenders who can defend would be good. The ugly midget from Stoke would be useful. A decent keeper at a realistic price would be great. I don't want a marquee signing personally, I want round pegs for round holes and, most importantly, players with a good fitness record.<br />
<br />
Bugger the Bentekes and Lacazettes. I would rather have the next Pope, Payet, Kante, Morgan Mahrez and Maguire personally. They are out there somewhere. It is the Pelican Panini's job to find them!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4157334771526760271.post-37508446899614359962017-07-12T09:13:00.001+01:002017-07-12T09:31:04.261+01:00West Ham Transfer Policy Revealed<div class="MsoNormal">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9acmo-r03X7rGP-X5iJP2rWBb70si8MSAYjKkWxDrFnbvs1ie84yOPSTs6cBrnok4cLhqBa534wCMMFszUoLE-mQ7q2766a4aW7n3mYTECuWz8Opa7PQ-1vsH09l-uvlEWEgqQFsZX7Y/s1600/tweedledee-tweedledum325.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="325" data-original-width="325" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9acmo-r03X7rGP-X5iJP2rWBb70si8MSAYjKkWxDrFnbvs1ie84yOPSTs6cBrnok4cLhqBa534wCMMFszUoLE-mQ7q2766a4aW7n3mYTECuWz8Opa7PQ-1vsH09l-uvlEWEgqQFsZX7Y/s320/tweedledee-tweedledum325.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
They were standing under a scaffold, each with an arm round the
other’s neck, and Princess Karen knew which was which in a moment, because one
of them had ‘DUM’ embroidered on his collar, and the other ‘DEE.’ ‘I suppose
they’ve each got “David” round at the back of the collar,’ she said to herself.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
They stood so still that she quite forgot they were alive, and she was just looking round to see if the word “David” was written at the back of each collar, when she was startled by a voice coming from the one marked ‘DUM.’</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
‘If you think we’re wax-works,’ he said, ‘you ought to pay, you know. Wax-works weren’t made to be looked at for nothing, nohow!’</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
'Not for nothing, nohow' echoed the one marked Dee. 'Nothing for nothing. Except for loan signings!'</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
'On that subject' said Princess Karen, somewhat rudely, 'I was wondering what, exactly, is our transfer policy this summer.'</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
'A good question!' said David Dumb.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
'A good question indeeed!' echoed David Dee who then admitted, 'It beats me.'</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
'It seems', said Princess Karen, 'That no sooner we express an interest in a player, than somebody else buys them!'</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
'That seems to be the case' said David Dee, grinning broadly.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
'Then why tell the world who we are hoping to sign ahead of doing the deal?' enquired Princess Karen as if judging on TV.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
'This sounds like the Young Apprentice' complained David Dum.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
<span style="text-indent: 1em;">'Then send her out on loan!' exclaimed David Dee. 'We might get a fee! Shall we sing the song of the Sakho and the Carrol?'</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
<span style="text-indent: 1em;">'Are we buying Joe Hart?' demanded the Princess, irritated by the diversions.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
<span style="text-indent: 1em;">'Buying?' exclaimed Dum, holding his chest whilst exclaiming in mock agony, 'My Hart! My Hart! You've broken my Hart!'</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
'Then borrowing?' asked the Princess utterly exasperated.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
'We would if we could' explained the smiling Dee. 'But it's the wages you see.'</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
'It's the wages,' agreed Dum. 'And the fact that another club wants him.'</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
'But we have signalled our interest,' smiled Dee. 'And so alerted our rivals.'</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
'Look' said the Princess, stamping her stiletto heel. 'Why are all the other clubs buying whilst we sit on our hands?'</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
'Bigger clubs are buying' corrected Dum, 'Bigger clubs with lots of money'.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
'But Burnley have just spent £10m on a player from Swansea!' exclaimed Karen.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
'Big club Burnley', smiled Dee. 'I remember when they won the title in 59-60.'</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
'Great year for clarets that' agreed Dum, sipping from a glass of wine.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
'Look, will somebody PLEASE explain our strategy?' screamed the Princess most impolitely.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
'It is very simple' said Dum in a most patronising voice. 'We put in a bid knowing it will not be accepted and force up the price that a rival club has to pay.'</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
'And I tell the world so other clubs jump in and buy.' added Dee delightedly.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
'And what about us?' asked the Princess puzzled.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
'We get lots of free publicity and don't spend any money!' cackled Dee.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
'And sell 52,000 season tickets into the bargain!' laughed Dum as he waddled all the way to the bank and Dee tweeted the club's interest in signing Ronaldo, Messi, Neymar and...erm....Walcott.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
'</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-top: 0.25em; text-align: justify; text-indent: 1em;">
<span style="text-indent: 1em;"><br /></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4157334771526760271.post-26370455743486119152017-05-11T20:02:00.002+01:002017-05-11T20:02:38.713+01:00Antonio The Smiling Bull Signs New Deal<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
So all the speculation about Antonio joining Chelsea was wrong - for now at least. The news of a 4 year deal is great, but we all know that contracts mean nothing if a player wants to go. Just ask a certain Payet.<br />
<br />
What the contract does mean is that we should get a fair price when or if our Smiling Bull moves on. And hopefully Michel has also got another clause inserted into the deal, "Under no circumstances am I to be played at bloody right back!"Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4157334771526760271.post-36466041527810377852017-05-05T23:36:00.003+01:002017-05-05T23:37:34.997+01:00West Ham Lions 1 Tottenham Antelopes 0<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Where the hell did that come from? OK, we played reasonably well at Stoke and defended well against Everton, but can anybody honestly say they saw us winning so comfortably? 1-0 may not sound like a pounding but had decent chances been converted, we would have run out 4-1 winners; and that scoreline would not have flattered us!<br />
<br />
The chances missed? Kouyate should have netted after Lloris blocked off Lanzini; Calleri should have buried the chance he made when picking Alderwiereld's pocket in the box; and Fletcher won't have many better chances to score if he plays for another 10 years. And for Tottenham? Eriksen should have scored.<br />
<br />
Defensively we were brilliant. Collins was a Goliath, Reid was everywhere and Fonte rediscovered his brain. Even Byram played out of his skin, making you wonder why he wasn't given more chances earlier in the season.<br />
<br />
Look through the team sheet and you find hero after hero. Noble was back to his best, making a mockery of those who do not rate him. Lanzini was brilliant, doing a passable impression of Eden Hazard at the top of his game. And Calleri, yes Calleri, played like a young lion and gave the much vaunted Tottenham defence the run around. He may just have secured a future at the club.<br />
<br />
Tactically we were brilliant, sitting in there, gloves raised, covering every attempted Spurs jab and when we won the ball, we sprang forward with rapier like speed. How good was that Noble pass to Lanzini? And how bad was Kouyate's follow up shot? I must admit, I thought our chance had gone in that moment.<br />
<br />
But tonight we saw the sleeping lions roar. Who needs Payet? Who needs Carroll? Who needs Sakho? And if he is Chelsea bound, to sit on the bench and play for the stiffs, who needs Antonio?<br />
<br />
Today we found our new home. It's been a long and winding road from Upton Park but we have arrived at last and suddenly we sit 9th in the table and can look forward to building a team to compete better next season. And until then, we can savour the life blood ripped from Tottenham's title challenge!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4157334771526760271.post-22336103912039488572017-05-03T10:55:00.001+01:002017-05-03T10:55:32.366+01:00Slaven Faces Exit Just Like Zola<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
So apparently Bilic's tenure at West Ham comes down to how we perform in the last two home games of the season. As the final whistle blows on our miserable first season in the London Stadium Emperor Sullivan will clambour to his feet, hold his thumb out in front of him and, in a moment of high drama, either point it to the sky or down to damnation.<br />
<br />
It is an interesting approach but it is entirely consistent. Zola suffered the same fate after "leading" West Ham to a 17th place finish with a buffer from the drop of just five points following a first season in charge of supposed "high promise". Like Bilic, Zola was hugely popular with the fans and there are still many who blame Grant rather than the Italian for what followed. But look at Zola's record since. This blog called him GianFredo for a reason - he was never cut out to manage.<br />
<br />
Bilic is different in that respect. The guy has a track record and a much more intimidating personna. But the Bilic apologists must wonder at the poor judgement calls of the Croat this season. True there can be virtue in pig headedness but the persistence with Antonio at right back, Kouyate at centre back and right back, Randolph in goal, Snodgrass and Calleri in any position, Tore when fit and both Payet & Lanzini wide left suggest tactical myopia. All season Bilic has tried to force square pegs into round holes and the results have been disastrous.<br />
<br />
Yes there have been injury problems but is anybody surprised? Who, outside of Bilic, believed the guff about Carroll being a new man? Who, apart from Bilic, believed that Cresswell was bionic and would never break down? Who, Bilic apart, thought that Reid would get through a full season untroubled by injury? Who, apart from Bilic, believed that Antonio could be used every game without a hamstring giving out sooner or later?<br />
<br />
It may seem harsh to judge Bilic on home games against Spurs and Liverpool so let's judge him on the whole season. Let's judge him on that inept second half at Hull; let's judge him on pulling off Ayew and sending on Noble against Stoke; let's judge him on the failure to beat Middlesbrough at home, relying on a Payet wonder goal to secure a point; let's judge him on the double headed home hammerings against Man City and the humiliating home mauling by the less than spectacular Arsenal; let's judge him on the nervy 1-0 home victories over Hull, Burnley and Swansea...<br />
<br />
Sullivan's thumb should already be pointing down surely?<br />
<br />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4157334771526760271.post-75006721507321614072017-05-02T17:40:00.001+01:002017-05-02T17:40:25.051+01:00Bilic to give Carroll a good talking to!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVBEo4hjOQ0YPDQFDvfJEeyc-dTmKPmM-7dera3G5oDPXqGUAXGnXefXqCazEGgxgsOK5EBNu92TvSwwHEPJN_tbw44ij8uw09UmcKg_TpQaEH64meVo8FK9I2TxkISF3vmFMq0R1xU5E/s1600/A+Frankenstein.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVBEo4hjOQ0YPDQFDvfJEeyc-dTmKPmM-7dera3G5oDPXqGUAXGnXefXqCazEGgxgsOK5EBNu92TvSwwHEPJN_tbw44ij8uw09UmcKg_TpQaEH64meVo8FK9I2TxkISF3vmFMq0R1xU5E/s320/A+Frankenstein.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
So Slaven is going to have a chat with Andy Carroll about his injury record. Brilliant! I know talking therapies are all the rage in Hollywood but does Bilic really believe that he has the power of healing in his words? If so, it's a bloody shame he didn't give Andy a good talking to 24 months ago!<br />
<br />
But who knows, if he succeeds with Carroll, Slaven might work the oracle with Sakho too, although all the rumours suggest that the manager's words have inflamed Daffy's injured ego rather than soothed his nagging ailments.<br />
<br />
But if Slaven really has this Frankenstein like power to reanimate, perhaps signing Sturridge might not be such a bad idea after all.<br />
<br />
Or maybe Bilic should look further afield. I hear the scouts have identified an exciting talent in Israel by the name of Lazarus!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4157334771526760271.post-75587254760272297442017-05-01T14:54:00.001+01:002017-05-01T15:00:46.634+01:00Pochettino Fears Hammer Blow to Tottenham's Title Charge<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<br />
Even as we speak, Pochettino has retreated into a bunker beneath White Hart Lane with the Tottenham tactical brains trust, desperately seeking a plan for how to stop West Ham's rampant strike force. To misquote The Sound of Music, the challenge is how do you solve a problem like Calleri? How, exactly, do you catch a cloud and pin it down?<br />
<br />
A Tottenham source revealed, "Poch has had to contend with some great strikers this season, players like Costa, Lukaku, Aguero and Zlatan, but none have presented the same sort of challenge as the West Ham wonderkid."<br />
<br />
He continued, "This lad is different because he does the unexpected. Most strikers in the Prem are predictable. Give them a sight of goal and they will shoot. Give them space to run into and they will attack the space. Present them with a chance in and around the six yard box and they will open up the goal by dragging the ball sideways before firing into the net, But not Calleri."<br />
<br />
"Look at that Rabona against Stoke! Who else would have tried that trick in that situation? Had it come off, what a goal that would have been. And to be honest, you can't legislate for that level of audacity."<br />
<br />
But it is not just Calleri who is causing sleepless nights for the Tottenham boss. Our source contniued:<br />
<br />
"Poch also has to factor in Carroll and Sakho. Who knows if they will make it on to the pitch and, if they do, for how long they will last. We all vaguely remember the dangers a fully fit Carroll poses but it is the half fit Carroll that worries Poch. The guy rarely breaks into a sprint anyway so he is unlikely to lose much from his game there. He is such a physical presence that should Bilic choose to use him as a totem pole, there must be a danger that a shot from somebody such as Lanzini might bounce off him and fly into the net."<br />
<br />
"As for Sakho, we are worried that he might play in this one as he doesn't have to risk his back on a short flight or coach trip."<br />
<br />
Then there is the threat posed by Ayew. "He is fit and fresh after being pulled before Calleri in the game against Stoke. That was clearly a Bilic tactical masterstroke, leaving West Ham utterly toothless up front against Stoke to try to lull Tottenham into a sense of false security."<br />
<br />
It is easy to see why Tottenham are so concerned. Kane is, no doubt, studying footage of Calleri hoping to pick up tips on how to improve his game whilst Dele Alli must be hoping to emulate the movement and runs of Ayew on Friday night. It all adds up to a fascinating show down at the London Stadium, the final result of which is impossible to call.<br />
<br />
And if Calleri starts, listen out for a new West Ham anthem:<br />
<br />
How do you solve a problem like Calleri?<br />
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?<br />
How do you find the word that means Calleri?<br />
A flibbertijibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4157334771526760271.post-43236365157590239752017-04-30T23:37:00.001+01:002017-05-01T01:13:34.684+01:00Nightmares Do Happen<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Any West Ham fan with a memory longer than a goldfish's will know that nightmares do happen. Yes, many clubs have bad dreams, but some clubs seem to corner the market in the darkest of dark matter. Need proof? Name me another side relegated from the Prem with 42 points in the bank!<br />
<br />
So should any of us be surprised by Swansea securing a draw away to Manchester United hard on the heels of Hull's point at Southampton and Burnley's victory at Crystal Palace? The sinister implications of those three results should be obvious to all: Swansea may be 7 points adrift but three wins from three games would take them to 41 points; Hull are just 5 points behind us and play relegated Sunderland at home next up; and Burnley are now above us in the table and have a superior goal difference.<br />
<br />
But to compound the chances of cataclysmic misery, the results at Everton, Tottenham and Middlesbrough all conspired to thicken the storm clouds gathering over Stratford.<br />
<br />
Courtesy of Chelsea's thumping 3-0 win, Everton go in to their next game, against Swansea no less, with nothing to play for and on the back of two deeply disappointing performances, including their inept showing at the London Stadium; would anybody now be surprised if Swansea turned them over?<br />
<br />
Tottenham, meanwhile, stay on the heels of Chelsea and have to win on Friday; but by the time they play Hull on the last day of the season, their dream will almost certainly be over and they will probably be playing with second place guaranteed and possibly in the knowledge that defeat might send us down. How motivated will the Cockyfools be in that game one wonders?<br />
<br />
And, misery upon misery, the failure of the Manchester clubs to win mean that Liverpool remain in the hunt for a Champions League place ensuring they will be at full strength and hungry when rocking up for our last home game of the season. Manchester United, meanwhile, have a nightmare run in and Jose is already threatening to play an Under 23 side for the away game at Palace, which should ensure Allardyce's mercenaries make it through to a minimum of 39 points and with a goal difference superior to ours.<br />
<br />
But so what? Swansea are not going to win three out of three are they? And Hull aren't going to secure 6 points from 3 games surely? Take a look at the remaining fixtures and feel a noose tighten around the throat!<br />
<br />
After Everton, Swansea play Sunderland away and West Brom at home. Everton are on holiday, Sunderland are down, and West Brom haven't shown up since their last minute equaliser at the London Stadium. Those games are winnable, very, very winnable. A great escape beckons!<br />
<br />
And Hull? After Sunderland, they play Palace away and Tottenham at home. Whisper it quietly but two wins from those three - given Palace have no defence and Tottanham may have no motivation - are not impossible.<br />
<br />
So we may well still need 3 points. Three points from where, exactly? Spurs may revert to type on Friday but it aint likely is it? You have to fancy them to score at least one and who, exactly, is going to net for us?<br />
<br />
Liverpool at home? Again it is difficult to see us keeping a clean sheet and as vulnerable as Liverpool are at the back, you have to have a forward line to capitalise on that weakness.<br />
<br />
And Burnley away? Would you stake your life on us securing a win there? It has all the makings of that game at Birmingham which saw us relegated with 42 points.<br />
<br />
You reap what you sow, I'm afraid, and if all our nightmares come true, it is no more than the Davids and Bilic deserve. There has been a horrible complacency around the club since Christmas of 2015. The failure to recruit a quality specialist rightback in three transfer windows was criminal. The failure to sign a left back until Cresswell's injury was almost as bad. The decision to operate a centre half light until February was, at best, injudicious. And the overstocking of wide midfielders whilst failing to sign a half decent striker was utter madness. Tohre? Feghouli? Snodgrass? Ayew? Really?<br />
<br />
Sorry I have to go. My daughter's head has just turned 360 degrees and she is puking up green bile as her body lifts off the bed and hovers in mid air. Does anybody know the number of a good exorcist?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4157334771526760271.post-31576937108257278542015-10-20T21:18:00.002+01:002015-10-28T01:09:40.296+00:00The Adventures of Allardyce in Sunderland<div class="MsoNormal">
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<img src="http://rlv.zcache.com/white_rabbit_stickers_red_bg-r8066031c62484534be5ac4b9eef6e0a9_v9waf_8byvr_324.jpg" /></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Allardyce was beginning to get very tired of sitting in the
shadow of his own ego outside the bank, and of having nothing to moan about: once or twice he had peeped into the book of
tactics his replacement was writing, but
it had no pictures of long balls in it, 'and what is the use of a book about passing,'
thought Allardyce, 'without pictures of the route one ball?'<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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He was considering in his own mind (as well as he could, for
thinking made him feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the pleasure of beating
Wenger again would be worth the trouble
of getting up and applying for a job, when suddenly a Red and White Striped
Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by him.<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
There was nothing so VERY remarkable in that; nor did Allardyce
think it so VERY much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, 'Oh
dear! Oh dear! I shall be relegated!' (when he thought it over afterwards, it
occurred to him that he ought to have wondered at this, but at the time it all
seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually TOOK A CHEQUE BOOK OUT OF
ITS WAISTCOAT-POCKET, and looked at it, and then hurried on, Allardyce started
to his feet, for it flashed across his mind that he had never before seen a
rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a cheque book to take out of it, and burning with curiosity,
he ran across the field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it
pop down a large rabbit-hole beside the Wear.<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
In another moment down went Allardyce after it, never once
considering how in the world he was to get out again.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
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The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way,
and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Allardyce had not a moment to
think about stopping himself before he found himself falling down a very deep
well.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Either the well was very deep, or he fell very slowly, for
he had plenty of time as he went down to look about him and to wonder what was
going to happen next. First, he tried to look down and make out what he was
coming to, but it was too dark to see anything; then he looked at the sides of
the well, and noticed that they were filled with empty trophy cabinets; here
and there he saw pictures of Montgomery and Porterfield hung upon pegs. He took down a jar from one of
the shelves as he passed; it was labelled 'Premiership Victories', but to his
great disappointment it was empty: he did not like to drop the jar for fear of
killing somebody, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as he fell past
it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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'Well!' thought Allardyce to himself, 'after such a fall as
this, I shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they'll all
think me at West Ham! Why, I wouldn't say anything about it, even if I fell off
the top of my own ego!' (Which was very likely to be true.)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Down, down, down. Would the fall NEVER come to an end! 'I
wonder how many positions in the table I've fallen by this time?' he said
aloud. 'I must be getting somewhere near the bottom of the league. Let me see:
that would be nearly one hundred places down, I think—' (for, you see, Allardyce had
learnt several things of this sort in his lessons in the hard school of
knocks and though this was not a VERY
good opportunity for showing off his knowledge, as there was no one to listen to
him, still it was good practice to say it over) '—yes, that's about the right
distance—but then I wonder what Latitude or Longitude I've got to?' (Allardyce
had no idea what Latitude was, or Longitude either, but thought they were nice
grand words to say, like total football, the false number nine and free flowing
football.)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
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<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
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Presently he began again. 'I wonder if I shall fall right
THROUGH the league! How funny it'll seem to come out among the people that walk
with their heads downward! The Antipathies, I think—' (he was rather glad there
WAS no one listening, this time, as it didn't sound at all the right word)
'—but I shall have to ask them what the name of the division is, you know.
Please, Ma'am, is this the Blue Square Prem or the National League?' (and he
tried to preen himself as he spoke—fancy preening yourself as you're falling
through the divisions! Do you think you could manage it?) 'And what an ignorant
big Sam they'll think me for asking! No, it'll never do to ask: perhaps I shall
see it written up somewhere.'<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so Allardyce
soon began talking again. 'Sullivan'll miss me very much to-night, I should
think! I hope they'll remember his bottle of champagne at tea-time. Sullivan my
dear! I wish you were down here with me! There are no Payets in the air, I'm
afraid, but you might catch a Nolan, and that's very like a Payet, you know.
But do Premiership clubs want a Nolan, I wonder?' And here Allardyce began to
get rather sleepy, and went on saying to himself, in a dreamy sort of way, 'Do Premiership
clubs want a Nolan? Do Premiership clubs want a Nolan?' and sometimes, 'Does Nolan
want a Premiership club?' for, you see, as he couldn't answer either question, it
didn't much matter which way he put it. He felt that he was dozing off, and had
just begun to dream that he was walking hand in hand with Nolan, and saying to
him very earnestly, 'Now, Kevin, tell me the truth: did you ever play a pass
over five yards?' when suddenly, thump! thump! down he came upon a heap of dirty
kit and boots, and the fall was over.<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Allardyce was not a bit hurt, and he jumped up on to his
feet in a moment: he looked up, but it was all dark overhead; before him was
another long passage, and the Red & White Rabbit was still in sight,
hurrying down it. There was not a moment to be lost: away went Allardyce like
the wind, and was just in time to hear it say, as it turned a corner, 'Oh my
ears and whiskers, how late it's getting!' He was close behind it when he turned
the corner, but the Rabbit was no longer to be seen: he found himself in a
long, low hall, which was lit up by a row of miner’s lamps hanging from the
roof. There were doors all-round the hall, but they were all locked; and when
Allardyce had been all the way down one side and up the other, trying every
door, he walked sadly down the middle, wondering how he was ever to get out
again.<br />
<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Suddenly he came upon a little three-legged table, all made
of solid glass; there was nothing on it except a tiny golden key, and Allardyce’s
first thought was that it might belong to one of the doors of the hall; but,
alas! either the locks were too large, or the key was too small, but at any
rate it would not open any of them. However, on the second time round, he came
upon a low curtain he had not noticed before, and behind it was a little door
about fifteen inches high: he tried the little golden key in the lock, and to
his great delight it fitted!<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Allardyce opened the door and found that it led into a small
passage, not much larger than a rat-hole: he knelt down and looked along the
passage into the loveliest stadium you ever saw. How he longed to get out of
that dark hall, and wander about among those retractable seats beneath that
Olympic roof, but he could not even get his head through the doorway; 'and even
if my head would go through,' thought poor Allardyce, 'it would be of very little
use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish I could shut up like a telescope! I
think I could, if I only knew how to begin.' For, you see, so many
out-of-the-way things had happened lately, like West Ham winning at Arsenal,
Liverpool and Manchester City that Allardyce had begun to think that very few
things indeed were really impossible.<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little door, so
he went back to the table, half hoping he might find another key on it, or at
any rate a book of rules for shutting people up like telescopes: this time he
found a little bottle on it, ('which certainly was not here before,' said Allardyce)
and round the neck of the bottle was a paper label, with the words 'DRINK ME'
beautifully printed on it in large letters.<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
It was all very well to say 'Drink me,' but the wise and
wily Allardyce was not going to do THAT in a hurry. 'No, I'll look first,' he
said, 'and see whether it's marked "relegation" or not'; for he had
read several nice little histories about managers who had got burnt, and eaten
up by wild beasts and other unpleasant things, all because they WOULD not
remember the simple rules their friends had taught them: such as, that a
red-hot poker will burn you if you keep it up your back passage for too long; and that if
you cut your finger VERY deeply with a knife, it usually bleeds; and he had
never forgotten that, if you drink too much from a bottle marked 'relegation,' it
is almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or later.<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
However, this bottle was NOT marked 'relegation,' so Allardyce
ventured to taste it, and finding it not so unpleasant, (it had, in fact, a
sort of mixed flavour of jock straps, coal dust, Geordie tears and hot pies) he
very soon finished it off…<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
To be continued...</div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4157334771526760271.post-59684492640028844722014-06-13T08:28:00.000+01:002014-06-13T09:10:25.757+01:00Never mind Qatar, how much did Brazil pay to win last night's game?Well what a diabolical start to the World Cup. The opening ceremony was cringeworthy with unimaginative dancers and singers that nobody could hear, but that proved the perfect prelude to the most embarrassingly engineered home nation victory you could ever dread to see.<br />
<br />
It really is time for referees to be marched in front of the world's media and interrogated about decisions which are so ludicrous that they bring the entire game into disrepute and leave everybody suspecting that either money has changed hands, or political pressure has been brought to bear. <br />
<br />
Yes there was contact in the box, and yes a referee can hide behind that fact, but look at the way the opportunity to award Brazil a penalty was seized upon! The referee would have been genuflecting in thanks for his personal salvation had he not been surrounded by understandably irate Croats. If that was a penalty, then a penalty should have been awarded at every single corner, because defenders from both sides had their hands all over the forwards. Shouldn't a referee be obliged to explain that level of inconsistency?<br />
<br />
And tell me, had that happened at the other end, would a spot kick have been awarded? Not a chance in hell!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4157334771526760271.post-40501331116776288412014-06-10T14:02:00.002+01:002014-06-10T14:04:23.950+01:00Joe Cole's Downward Spiral complete with move to Aston VillaWell, it seems even 'Arry and QPR didn't want him and clubs on the other side of the Atlantic said, "You did us over with London Bridge when we thought we were buying Tower Bridge, so we aint buying the duff Cole, be it Carlton or Joe." So what was the former Boy Wonder to do when even Batman 'Arry and the Yanks of Gotham City didn't want him?<br />
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The downward spiral started with that switch to Chelsea of course. Then it was Liverpool and Lille, before Joe returned to his spiritual home and proved that he truly is washed up and past it. So what's a knackered old has-been supposed to do as he contemplates retirement?<br />
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Why, find a nice Villa to see out the rest of his days of course! Unknownnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4157334771526760271.post-17211611325040183822014-06-10T13:38:00.002+01:002014-06-10T13:51:39.946+01:00A change of badge, shirt colour and name is long overdueWe sold the club's soul when we appointed Allardyce. We've agreed the sale of the ground too. And any player worthy of the title has been converted into cash at the earliest opportunity since the days of Greenwood and Lyall, so why in God's name get into a tizzy over the badge?<br />
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Maybe crossed dildos could replace the hammers. Instead of the castle, move in the Olympic Rings, with each dildo piercing a ring in ultra suggestive fashion.<br />
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Why not add London or Olympic to the club's name? In fact, we simply have to get the word West out of the title because it is so confusing for tourists - the club is situated on the East side of the city is it not? And as for "Ham", well that is just plain provocative and insensitive in the new multicultural metropolis - surely East London Olympic Halal and Kosher would be a more representative name for the club.<br />
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And let's change the bloody shirt whilst we are about it shall we? Claret and Blue is so, well you know, yesterday! Why not the multicoloured Olympic rings worn as hoops? That would be simply divine!<br />
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Those fans voicing concerns need to get with the programme. Hang on, programmes? No, let's have an issues based women's glossy magazine instead featuring a tiara adorned Princess Brady on the cover!<br />
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There! The makeover is complete! Next stop, the Champions League! Or maybe London Fashion Week might be more our cup of caffe latte!<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4157334771526760271.post-68264151107414228602014-06-02T21:51:00.001+01:002014-06-02T21:51:52.550+01:00Tottenham already have Lennon, so why not sign McCartney?With Spurs desperate for a replacement for Danny "A Rose by any other name would smell as shite" and with cash limited following the £100m splurge last summer, surely Pochettino should consider reuniting Lennon with McCartney, by signing the West Ham man recently released on a free.<br />
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Before Spurs fans scoff, they should remember that West Ham did the treble over their rag bag bunch of overpriced millionaires last season, and "Linda" played in two of those three games, starting at centre back in the League Cup game in December and in his more accustomed left back position in the penultimate game of the season.<br />
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It's true that McCartney is no spring chicken and it's true too that he is pretty crap, but he still ran out a winner in two games against Spurs last season, and if £100million pounds worth of "talent" can only conjure one goal over 180 minutes of football with McCartney in the team, he can't be that bad can he?<br />
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One thing's for sure, although ordinary, he's a better left back than Danny Rose will ever be! So come on Levy, pick yourself up a bargain! And with Lennon and McCartney on board, it shouldn't be too hard to locate a Harrison somewhere in the lower leagues and, once he's in place, Spurs would surely make sweet music because every other expensive signing must be a genuine Starr. <br />
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Mustn't they?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4157334771526760271.post-44785637277767382162014-06-01T16:19:00.000+01:002014-06-01T16:40:37.244+01:00West Ham and QPR miss out on Midfield MaestroWhat a shame. It seems the lure of mega dollars has persuaded Fat Frank to ply his trade on the other side of the pond, rather than return to his roots or to link up again with Uncle 'Arry.<br />
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A move by West Ham for the best player produced by the club since Moore, Hurst and Peters (and yes I'm counting Brooking!) was always unlikely given the fans' antipathy for a player who, supposedly, was only selected as a teenager because of nepotism, but he would have been a wonderful addition to the ranks, guaranteeing either more goals than Nolan and Morrison put together if played behind Carroll, or wonderful control if selected as a deep seated play maker. Yes he's old, but when you ooze class, age doesn't matter. <br />
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As for QPR, he would have boosted morale both in the dressing room and on the terraces and would have been the pivot around which the Hula Hoops could have spun. <br />
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But, instead, he's heading for New York - until January at least when, who knows, if either club is desperate, a loan deal might yet be done.<br />
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<a href="http://thegamesgonecrazy.blogspot.ro/2014/05/should-west-ham-rescue-scott-parker.html">http://thegamesgonecrazy.blogspot.ro/2014/05/should-west-ham-rescue-scott-parker.html</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4157334771526760271.post-69223466440302968082014-05-31T19:02:00.001+01:002014-05-31T19:18:40.116+01:00Should West Ham Rescue Scott Parker From Fulham?It seems amazing doesn't it, that such a great player as Scott Parker can be relegated from the top division of English football THREE times in a - as yet unfinished - career. Anybody would think, looking at that record, that the guy wasn't that much cop!<br />
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Incredibly, despite helping Fulham to a next to bottom place finish in the Premier League, Parker was overlooked for this season's Player of the Year award. Maybe his team has to finish rock bottom to merit that accolade!<br />
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But now the poor guy is stranded in the Championship and we all know how Scotty hates to play in the second tier of English football. So surely, after giving such great service to West Ham, before being forced to request a transfer when - following our relegation - Spurs made a cut price bid, we should step in and rescue him.<br />
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It's the very least we can do for a player who loved the club so much that he signed a contract extension, securing a massive wage increase, a week after Spurs bought Van Der Vaart; poor Scotty delayed and delayed signing that contract, only for Wheeler Dealer 'Arry to let him down by switching his interest to the Dutchman at the last moment. And how did West Ham reward him for his loyalty? By getting relegated! Just like Charlton! And now Fulham!<br />
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So, let's forget all the other transfer targets and prioritise bringing a true West Ham legend back to Upton Park. True fans of the club - who lauded Parker's heroic efforts as we finished bottom of the Prem - should launch a "Bring Back Scotty" campaign without delay. We owe it to the guy. And let's name the Olympic Stadium after him when we make the move too!<br />
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<a href="http://thegamesgonecrazy.blogspot.ro/2014/05/if-sunderlands-jack-colback-is-answer.html">http://thegamesgonecrazy.blogspot.ro/2014/05/if-sunderlands-jack-colback-is-answer.html</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4157334771526760271.post-26818335330713845102014-05-31T11:50:00.000+01:002014-05-31T16:19:12.434+01:00Do one Lescott!<br />
So it looks like Lescott has shunned our advances. Well thank God for that! He laughed at suggestions that he might come to Upton Park on loan in January, and there's no way we want somebody with that attitude at the club.<br />
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In truth, Lescott is a very average player who has got more average by the day whilst living off the fat of Unreal City's inflated wage bill. He lacks focus, consistency and composure and isn't half as committed in the challenge as Ginge. God knows what he is looking for in wages, but one thing's for sure, he will have inflated expectations after adjusting his spending to his salary at Man City.<br />
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Jog on Kryten, we don't want you at West Ham!<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4157334771526760271.post-30033224652694894152014-05-30T20:00:00.000+01:002014-05-30T20:06:19.990+01:00If Sunderland's Jack Colback is the answer, we are asking the wrong question!So the latest big white carrot topped hope is apparently Jack Colback, because he is available on a free from Sunderland. Allardyce regards him as the best player presently available for nowt but he would wouldn't he? Colback is an Allardyce type of player - high on energy and effort but very seriously lacking in one key department.<br />
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Question. Aged 24, how many goals has Colback scored over his career? Answer, ten.<br />
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Even more seriously, how many has he scored in the Prem? Answer, four.<br />
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Why did we struggle last season? We didn't score enough goals. So how is four goal Colback going to improve the situation exactly? When you play a single striker, you need midfield players who can score goals. Noble can't. Diame can't. Downing can't. Jarvis can't. So why add another goal shy player to the "armoury" exactly?<br />
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Somebody tell Allardyce we need GOALS!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4157334771526760271.post-54739832218862935192014-05-30T08:26:00.001+01:002014-05-30T08:33:43.597+01:00It's Mo-Go Diame!Well he lost his mojo when Allardyce started playing him as the front man in a striker-less formation and then as a wide man because Jarvis was so consistently hopeless, but now, it seems, Diame simply wants out.<br />
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How else can you account for his ridiculous comments about team mates not trying? Team mates not good enough might be a reasonable observation, but the one thing I witnessed all season was a team desperately trying to overcome its very severe limitations. Who, exactly, were the non triers?<br />
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Well, for sure, it wasn't any of O'Brien, Noble, Collins, Tomkins, Reid, McCartney, Carlton Cole, Taylor or Jarvis. Now you can question whether some of those should be in a Premiership team, never mind a team striving for a top ten finish, but to question their desire and effort would be madness in the extreme. The one thing every one of them could be relied upon to do, is run until they drop (which we only just avoided!).<br />
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What about Nolan? Well according to Diame, things got better after January when the competition for places increased. That rules out Captain Kev then, because with Morrison's departure, his place in the team was absolutely guaranteed. And with the situation improving in January, he clearly wasn't thinking of Carroll, because he hadn't kicked a ball during the period when players were supposedly not trying.<br />
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Does the finger then point at Demel? If so, it seems harsh because he always looked committed to the cause to me, even if lasting 90 minutes seems to be a challenge for the guy. Adrian or Jussi? Daft idea. <br />
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So, who are we down to? Joe Cole, Downing and Morrison? Well they were contenders for the one area of the team where there was competition for places, so Diame's argument flounders even if he is right that these three were more interested in themselves than in the team - which I can well believe. But to be fair to Downing, he did a lot of tracking back and I lost count of the number of blind alleys he ran up in most games.<br />
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So maybe it was Mogodon Maiga that Diame had in mind. Maybe Mo doesn't understand that the guy is just shit!<br />
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Or Boomtown Rat perhaps? Well the fact he defected mid season tells us he was unhappy at being used only occasionally by Allardyce but, again, I saw a player running and running and running whenever he wore the shirt.<br />
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If I've forgotten anybody, I apologise. But what difference did the new arrivals in January make anyway? They barely started a game between them, so the "competition for places" that they offered was virtually zero.<br />
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No. Mo was talking out of his arse, unless he was talking about his own attitude of course. One thing's for sure, he has guaranteed himself a cold shoulder from his team mates when they return to training, which suggests to me that he wants out of the club before the start of the new season. But if he's dreaming of a top 6 club coming in for him, then he's in for a disappointing summer. True Allardyce played him out of position for most of the season but that's because he was found out in the engine room of the team, giving away far too many free kicks on the edge of our box, which, with Jussi in goal, led to goals!<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4157334771526760271.post-39003160837242222942014-05-26T20:26:00.002+01:002014-05-26T20:37:03.494+01:00The Rebuilding Is Underway & Underwhelming!So, three players have gone and the first new recruit is on his way. I'm not overly excited about the prospect of Zarate, but he has to be better than Maiga, Cole, Downing and Jarvis, doesn't he? The fact that he can play wide but can also score goals points to the direction in which we are heading: no change in the 4-3-3 tactics, just a change in personnel. I hope somebody has told the Argentinian that his first job is to track the opposition full back!<br />
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Meanwhile, suggestions that we are prepared to loan out Downing tells you everything you need to know about the failure of that particular deal. At the time he was signed, I expressed deep reservations about the deal, not least because, with Carroll side-lined, our priority had to be a striker and not another winger, but, as ever, the Claret & Blue Klan tried to shout me down. One season and one goal on, the folly of the deal is surely obvious to everybody. Let's hope Zarate does a bit better than that!<br />
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The latest talk is linking us with Gareth Barry and that would be as bloody stupid as the Downing signing. I have huge regard for the former England man, but he is no spring chicken and given the need for pace and goals, Barry must be the wrong man at the wrong time surely. Yes he is available on a free but so what? The same applies to Ince, and despite his genes, he would surely be a more exciting recruit. Tell me, what threat would a central midfield of Noble, Barry and Diame pose exactly?<br />
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So, Zarate is a start, but if we are serious about a top 10 finish, we have to unearth better gems than him and ignore players like Barry. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4157334771526760271.post-42675789274791781482014-05-25T14:59:00.001+01:002014-05-25T14:59:54.041+01:00West Ham owe it all to Tottenham HotspurTake a look at the final league table. After 38 games, West Ham ended up with 40 points, just 7 clear of relegation. And six of those points came courtesy of victories over Spurs! <br />
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God knows what would have happened had we not swept to that amazing 3-0 victory at White Hart Lane back in October. Without Carroll and any forward worthy of the name, we looked nailed on certainties for the drop. Keeping clean sheets is all very well, but if you can't score, you can't win games and, apart from beating hapless Cardiff and lowly Cheltenham, we didn't look capable of winning a game. True we engineered a draw at the St Mary's Stadium courtesy of shutting out the Saints, and performed the same trick at Newcastle, but defeats at home to Stoke & Everton and away to Hull meant that the Relegation word was writ large upon the wall by the time we staggered into White Hart Lane. <br />
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And after that amazing 3-0 victory, things didn't get any better. Man City took us apart at Upton Park before we stole another point at Swansea courtesy of yet another 0-0 draw; another goalless bore draw followed at home to Villa and then we contrived to lose 3-1 at Norwich after murdering them for the first 45 minutes. Without those three points gifted by Spurs, we would have been deep in shit, even after a very lucky 3-0 win over hapless Fulham.<br />
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And so it went on all season, until Fabulous February. How wonderfully fitting that our survival was finally confirmed in the penultimate game of the season, with our third victory of the campaign over a Tottenham team that cost a mere £100million plus to put together. Three games, three victories and an aggregate score of 7-1! Even Maiga managed to net against Tottenham! <br />
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Makes you wonder where we would have finished in the table had we been allowed to play Spurs every week, doesn't it?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4157334771526760271.post-54697045410971075152014-05-25T09:00:00.000+01:002014-05-25T09:05:49.108+01:00Sullivan Boxing Clever With Allardyce On The RopesSome of you may have noticed that this blog went quiet in February when we launched the winning run that secured our survival and that was down to good old fashioned East End superstition. Many would have promised not to change their underpants until West Ham lost, then until West Ham were guaranteed safety, but as a blogger, I pledged not to post until we were safely over the line. And, to be honest, with Allardyce in charge, what was there to say? You can only describe a parked bus so many times! <br />
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So, I'm back and what has changed? Well we are in the Prem again next season - and that looked unlikely until Fabulous February. And we are being linked with a host of potential signings - but this is the silly season for that sort of thing. And we have released three players - which is worthy of discussion. And, most importantly, Allardyce has survived the most tepid of votes of confidence and has been told to smarten up his act. It seems Sullivan and Gold were as bored watching that parked bus as the rest of us!<br />
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So, will anything change? To be honest, for as long as Allardyce is in charge, that's unlikely. You could give the guy Messi, Bale and Ronaldo and he would still be drilling the team on how to defend from the front. His mantra is simple - if you don't concede, you can't lose, and if you concede one you only need to score once to avoid defeat. It's simple, it's straightforward and, as his record shows, it works. Boring certainly, but who wants the excitement of relegation exactly?<br />
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And let's be fair to the guy, there were performances last season that had nothing to do with the West Ham way but which were absolutely fundamental to our survival. That performance at the Bridge was awesome - boring but awesome! And the win at Sunderland was superbly orchestrated. And the win at Cardiff was down to excellent team discipline as was the victory at Villa. We were unlucky at Everton, we weren't disgraced at the Etihad, Liverpool's penalties were both tenuous and we even stayed in the game at the Emirates for much of the match. And then, of course there were the Tottenham games!<br />
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But if you want to sum up everything that is wrong, you only have to look at the home wins over Norwich and Hull. The fans didn't boo at the end of our victory over the Canaries but they should have done, because we played on the break at home to a side that was eventually relegated, and we were bloody lucky to come away with one point, never mind three. As for the Hull game, well I for one felt ashamed to be a West Ham fan as we struggled to get and retain the ball when playing against ten toothless tigers. Truly shameful! <br />
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But Allardyce will laud those wins over two teams that finished beneath us in the table, and will probably point out that a narrow defeat at West Brom preserved our goal difference, making it all but certain that we would survive even if Norwich suddenly came over all Real Madrid, or Sunderland for that matter.<br />
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And if we are honest, Allardyce probably over-performed given the squad he was working with. The policy of having Carroll, and nobody else, was mad and the absurdity of re-signing Carlton said everything that needed to be said about the lack of forward planning (the pun is fully intended!). Surely, that mistake will never again be repeated, which means that with two left backs leaving, two left backs will have to be signed this summer - along with two midfield players, two strikers and, at least, one winger who can score goals! We need pace, pace and more pace - and goal scorers too. I blogged last season about how few goals the squad have scored between them over their careers, and take out Nolan ( and many want to!) and you would have one of the most goal shy squads in the history of the game. It's all very well having Jarvis and Downing dashing up the flanks, but if you have nobody to put the ball in the net should either actually put over a cross, how are you going to score exactly?<br />
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So we all know what has to be done to refashion a sub standard squad but can we afford to do it? Sullivan used the excuse of Financial Fair Play last season and it's hard to see what has changed this summer. True we have Joe Cole off the wage bill, and McCartney was on absurd money given his limitations and fitness record, but if the financial corset is real, how are we going to acquire and pay six or seven new quality players exactly? One way would be to sell Downing who proved a terrible waste of money all season, but after his one goal return, courtesy of a pansy Tottenham wall, who will want to sign him?<br />
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The Academy has stuttered, and not just because of Allardyce as the tonking at Forest proved, and the days of unearthing a Keegan at Scunthorpe or a Devonshire at Southall seem to be over. We keep trying, but it doesn't work because the quality of the Prem is so much better that the quality of the old First Division, and the scouting networks are such that gems are found aged ten, not twenty one!<br />
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So, the Sullivan plan seems to me to be the best one - which is to ease Allardyce out rather than sack him. Had he gone this summer, we would have been nailed on certainties to go down next season; because Allardyce leaves behind a squad that can only play one way, as Bolton, Blackburn and Newcastle have all discovered at their cost. You may hate him, but if you want to avoid the drop, he's your man; and when you sack him, relegation is all but guaranteed to follow. But maybe, if you foist a different style of player upon him, and let him drill discipline into those players, maybe, just maybe, a year later you can jettison him and hand a decent squad over to his successor. Maybe.<br />
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Next season aint going to be pretty but when we went down under Grant, we would all have given our right arms to have bounced right back and to still be in the Prem two seasons later. And let's not forget we beat Spurs three times last season with an aggregate score of 7-1; Big Sam deserves a statue for that alone!<br />
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So I want to see Allardyce go, desperately, but not quite yet. I can take another year in the dentist's chair, wincing in agony as the Allardyce drill does its business - because maybe then we can actually survive his departure!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4157334771526760271.post-61044804292079794052014-02-04T10:25:00.000+00:002014-02-04T12:00:22.587+00:00Andy Carroll: Will the FA officially sanction cheating today?I only saw the Chico Flores-Andy Carroll love tussle for the first time on MOTD2 last night, and on first viewing, I must admit my heart sank. From one angle, Carroll definitely swings his arm back and appears to make contact. And that's the view the referee had.<br />
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But seen from the other side, all becomes clear. Yes the arm moves backwards, but not maliciously, and the reaction of Flores is absolutely pathetic. <br />
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So now the FA face a challenge. What is more serious, a swinging arm that if it makes contact can result in a broken cheek bone or nose, or out and out cheating? I fear they will stupidly err on the side of personal safety, and in so doing, do untold damage to the game. <br />
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The sensible course of action would be for the red to be reduced to a yellow and for Flores to be charged with bringing the game into disrepute. And when found guilty, a significant ban and fine should be imposed because if we do not drive this appalling simulation out of the game then cheating will grow like a cancer. <br />
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So, is the risk to the health of one player or the risk to the health of the entire game more important? It's clear what the panel should decide - even Laudrup admits Carroll shouldn't have seen red - but I'm not holding my breath!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com35tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4157334771526760271.post-35854587353902700022014-02-01T18:48:00.001+00:002014-02-01T18:48:36.641+00:00Any three from ten as relegation waters muddy with West Ham's win over SwanseaWell it looks like being one hell of a scrap to avoid the drop this season. We were briefly out of the bottom three, only for Moyeschester United to choke yet again - this time at Stoke. So now three points separates tenth placed Stoke and relegation - and that is crazy with more than half the season in the can!<br />
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What's even crazier is that our survival could now depend on an appeal to Carroll's red card. Nolan's two goals today showed how important the pairing are likely to be - and one without the other is about as useful as a single chopstick. Laudrup has sportingly said that the red card was harsh and hopefully that will help - and given Swansea are themselves deep in the mire, that was a very noble gesture indeed.<br />
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I couldn't see the game today as I am in hospital; and following it by constantly refreshing the Official Site match report was more painful than my operation to remove my gall bladder - especially after Carroll's dismissal. What's truly amazing about the last two games, of course, is that we have kept clean sheets without starting Reid and the new signings have been periphery too. Thank God in the case of Johnson!<br />
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What is clear from this window is that Sullivan and Gold are costing in relegation. No money was spent and the wages of the loan signings will not be carried over to the Championship. The decision to part with Rat was disappointing for me, but Allardyce clearly doesn't rate him. Let's hope the new Colombian is more professional than Montano; and the life of his family doesn't hinge on West Ham losing a key game!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4157334771526760271.post-2008043587441731032014-01-30T17:26:00.003+00:002014-01-30T17:31:18.824+00:00Max Gradel set to reject "little Leeds United" in favour of Premiership GiantsWell that would be a kick in the David Haighs wouldn't it? Former Leeds United favourite Max Gradel is rumoured to have rejected a move to the 'Yorkshire Briefly Greats' after West Ham made a late, late move for the fleet of foot maestro. <br />
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Gradel himself was unavailable for comment but a source close to Leeds, Mr Lee Vitout said: "Obviously everybody at Leeds is disappointed that Max has decided not to join our campaign to finish in mid table in the Championship, but we fully understand his reasons."<br />
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"It is true that Leeds United briefly soared across the English footballing firmament like a mighty comet but we must all now accept that the glory years are long, long gone. If a week is a long time in politics, then a decade must be an eon in football. And it is ten years now since we were in the top division of English football."<br />
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"The facts may be unpalatable but are nevertheless undeniable. We do not own our ground and we do not own our training facilities. There is a very clear divide between our owners and our manager, and the position of David Haigh looks increasingly untenable."<br />
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"What's worse is that an Italian crook is now looking to take control of the club."<br />
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"A succession of managers have come and gone and the squad put together by Warnock and McDermott is ordinary in the extreme. And any hope of being in the Prem next season has long since evaporated. So why would any player with a sense of ambition choose to join us when he has the opportunity to play in the Prem, especially for the club that won the World Cup for England?"<br />
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He concluded: "If Max joins West Ham he will do so with the blessing of all Leeds United fans who understand that an ambitious player wants to play for the biggest team he possibly can. Our only hope now is that this will kill off West Ham's interest in McCormack because otherwise GFH Capital may be tempted to sell him just before the window closes in a desperate attempt to claw back some of their misguided investment and possibly even stave off administration."<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com46