West Ham United - The Game's Gone Crazy

QPR signing no marks on the never never

2012-01-30T18:35:00.004Z

Odd isn't it? Mittal has all this money, Fernandes has let everybody believe that there is a huge transfer war chest available, but thus far, only £2.5m has been spent, and that is probably based on meeting Nedum's inflated wages over the next two years. As with Wright-Phillips and Barton, you'll probably find that no fee has actually been paid to the "selling" club. With relegation release clauses in place, Fernandes knows that should Rangers drop, he can offload anyway at modest fees, recovering the money spent on wages anyway.

Now Diakite is arriving on loan - and what's his first name? Samba! So that's the Samba that Fernandes was chasing! Not the £7m man at Blackburn but the freebie loan deal from Nancy!

But Cisse could be on his way too - on loan of course!

I predicted Fernandes would not spend more than £5m in this window and even that figure is looking toppy now. Nedum is ordinary, Teiwo is probably a spent force, Diakate probably isn't Premiership class and Cisse has been here and been stripped of the Premiership t shirt after scoring just 23 goals in 84 Premiership appearances. His 17 appearances for Lazio have yielded a grand total of one goal so far!

Now excuse me, but is this really what you gRs were expecting when you came on here telling me that QPR would buy their way to safety in this window? Check back on all the insults you have hurled in my direction but so far I have been proved absolutely right: you are in a relegation fight, just as I predicted; you have sacked Warnock, just as I predicted; and Fernandes has kept his money in his safe, just as I predicted. Tell me, how much will you get from TV revenue and prize money for playing in the Prem this season? A hell of a lot more than Fernandes has stumped up to fund transfers!

Says it all really doesn't it? I kept warning you, Fernandes is mugging you over! And before you say it guys, I have been warning that Sullivan and Gold are doing exactly the same at West Ham ever since they took charge!

PS, the wrong you're has been used in that picture! Bloody morons everywhere it seems!

West Ham's New Ilan - We are 100% Underwhelmed!

2012-01-30T18:09:00.002Z

Oh dear God. After all the talk, after all the rumours of £5m bids, we end up with a no mark journeyman who has toured the world in his caravan, desperate for a club to let him settle. The guy has obviously read about Dale Farm and heard that West Ham are the nearest club able to pay more than a grand a week in benefits.

To date Ze Eduardo has had FIFTEEN clubs. That's right, FIFTEEN! And he's been shown the door by all of them!

Sullivan and Gold are taking the piss here. And so is Allardyce.Since 2009 the bloke has netted a grand total of 14 goals - so one less than the number of clubs he has played for since 2004 then!

How much are we paying him? Probably a Mido - a grand a week. But even that threatens to be money down the pan. We saw how crap Mido was. We were duped briefly by Ilan. What hope is there of this outcast setting the Boleyn alight?

His record so far this season? Four appearances and no goals! Brilliant, just brilliant! Meanwhile Southampton are buying Sharp!

And to think I've been taking the piss out of QPR!

Three's Company: Jelavic, Maynard and A. N. Other before window slams closed.

2012-01-29T22:35:00.001Z

It's getting tight to the wire, but expect West Ham to sign three before the window closes. Rhodes is the preferred option but it's looking as if Huddersfield won't let him go. One for the summer, perhaps, if we get up, although Rodallega might be a better option for the Prem - and cheaper!

So expect Jelavic and Maynard to join, with somebody else coming in on loan. Sears will go out on loan, and with luck Piquionne too.

This is a last throw of the dice to try to secure promotion.

Bristol City's Maynard on his way

2012-01-29T17:47:00.001Z

Interesting that Nicky Maynard wasn't in the Bristol City team that lost at Reading today. McInnes claimed "Nicky Maynard didn't start because we won last week and I kept the same front three" but that is obviously bullshit. He is on his way out, and the buying club want him fit and ready for the next round of fixtures. The Bristol City manager added, "But there may be bids for him before the deadline closes and if there are then we will deal with it."

Did he mean to say "deal with it" or did he really mean "deal"?

Maynard wasn't at the top of our shopping list but he is somebody we have been looking at. He may not be coming to the Boleyn but he is almost certainly on his way out of Ashton Gate. Given he can leave on a Bosman in the summer, the fee would be very low so minimal risk would be involved. If he aint good enough, he can be moved on again in the summer. Sounds like a Sullivan style deal to me!

On yours marks, get set....sign anybody!

2012-01-29T15:50:00.002Z

One month. One bloody month. So what do they do? They wait until the last two days. If the conduct of clubs like West Ham and QPR in the transfer window is not a definition of business madness, then tell me what is!

I know those in the know will say, "That's how it works." I know excuses will be made about clubs holding out for the best price. I know people will claim that you need one deal to oil the wheels of all the others, one big money move that starts a chain reaction. But it is all a load of cobblers when you look at the madness of the crazy rush that happens in the last 24 hours.

Tell me, how are considered judgements made in that last 24 hour scramble? What about player fitness? How do clubs assess the motivation of players they are scrambling to purchase? What sort of questions are asked in those final crazy hours? Can he still walk? Does he have a passport?

Madness. Sheer bloody madness.

QPR's tactical discussion for Chelsea game leaked.

2012-01-29T12:03:00.003Z

Training pitch, Friday. Hughes calls the players together and dishes out the bibs saying, "Red bibs Chelsea, yellow bibs Man City."
"QPR boss," corrects Barton.
"Quite. Quite. Whatever. Now then boys, tactics. Big competition. FA Cup. Big game. Chelsea. Big club Chelsea. Big players. Chelsea."
"Not all of them boss, some of them are quite short," corrects Barton.
"Not from where I'm standing," corrects Wright-Phillips.
"Whatever, whatever," says Hughes, irritated and marking Barton's card. "Now then, Chelsea boys form a line to the left of the halfway line. Come on, come on, straight line. Form it up neatly. That's better. Now then QPR boys, file down the line and shake hands."
"Which one's John Terry?" asks Anton.
"He's number five, so fifth from the left," replies Hughes.
"But that's me," complains Gabbidon. "I'm not being John Terry. I'm black."
"OK, ok", says Hughes irritated. "Swap positions with who ever that it is standing next to you." Sparky turns to Eddie N and asks "Who the hell is that next to Gabbs?" and his coach replies with a shrug.
"Ok, now then, we have to get this handshake right," insists Hughes. "The eyes of the world will be watching."
"What about the game?" asks Barton.
"Look, who is manager here?" demands Hughes. "The game doesn't matter. It's the handshake that counts!"
"I'm not shaking John Terry's hand!" insists Anton. "He's a racist. He called me rude names."
The other players agree. "Not shaking his hand boss. Solidarity. Supporting Anton. Sharing a dressing room. Sticking together. All for one and one for all," each mumble to the other. Hughes is getting increasingly irritated, muttering, "It's like being back at Man City with bloody Bellamy and Tevez. Except they could play a bit of course!"
"Let's strike a compromise," Paddy Kenny suggests. "We could all refuse but Joey could shake Terry's hand in the centre circle. After all Joey's brother murdered a black teenager in a racially motivated attack."

A silence falls over the pitch. Anton looks at Barton and Barton looks back. And smiles.

"Up for that Joey?" asks Hughes.
"No problem for me to shake Terry's hand," replies Barton.
"Solidarity. Supporting Anton. Sharing a dressing room. Sticking together. All for one and one for all", the players mutter before Barton jogs alongside Ferdinand and asks, "Oy Anton, didn't you share a dressing room with Bowyer at West Ham after he beat up that Asian guy? Respect man, respect!"

The Messiah Resurrected On Green Street

2012-01-28T21:22:00.002Z

And so it came to pass that the Lord came again unto the Earth in a place that had been named Green Street. And the people were sore amazed when the Messiah came amongst the pimps and the whore and the arch apostate Allardyce. For the soil was polluted and the air was polluted and the spirit was contaminated with every form of evil.

Any truth in the rumour that Tevez is returning? Well Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey, so any one of the current squad could meet our Messiah outside the gates of the Boleyn and give the Argentine a piggy back ride into the home dressing room!

Sounds like silly season to me but my aunt grew bollocks and became my uncle, so who knows?

QPR Fans to Demand the Return of Warnock!

2012-01-28T15:45:00.002Z

Well would you believe it? I throw in my lot with the Hoops, invest a fiver in them to win the FA Cup, and they duly slip out of the competition with a whimper. Under Warnock, QPR were good enough to beat Chelsea courtesy of a dodgy penalty; under Hughes they surrendered in similar fashion.

Sadly, because of Anton's petulance, I have to say that QPR got what they deserved. The decision to suspend the traditional handshake before kick off said it all. If one wasn't prepared to extend the hand of friendship, none could. So silly little Anton got his way and instead of being sat on a naughty step outside Mark Hughes' office, he was allowed to start and to sour the mood of the game.

And sour it he did. How could either side play with blood and thunder in the circumstances? The only way QPR were ever going to win this was by adopting the tactics used under Warnock. They had to crunch into every tackle, get into the faces of the Chelsea players and whip the crowd up into a frenzy. Had Ferdinand shook Terry's hand, that might have happened. Right would have been in QPR's sails, the decks would have been cleared of all the nonsense, and the scene would have been set for little old Rangers to sink the Plastic Armada.

Instead, an apology of a contest unfolded, which suited Chelsea down to the ground. Back in October there were 34 free kicks in the game, this time there were just 23; back in October there were 9 yellows and 2 red cards, today there were just four yellow cards. Right up Chelsea's street, whereas in October, it was right up Chelsea!

So, who came out of the game smiling and who came out looking a cnut? By allowing the controversy over name calling to smother preparation for the game, Ferdinand did a huge disservice to the team and to the loyal Rs who support him and the club. The guy's churlish petulance has been counter productive and, leaving aside the use of the word black, many QPR fans might now agree with Terry's verdict of him.

Ferdinand needs to climb back out of his own backside and think about the team and the good of the game, rather than about himself and the simmering rivalry between Terry and the Ferdinand family - which predates the "racist" incident. Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela he aint, his campaign is just spiteful petulance in my book, and that petulance has just killed off QPR's chances of winning the FA Cup.

And cost me a fiver!

Sam Sets The Standard

2012-01-28T11:10:00.002Z

How depressing was Allardyce's article in the Evening Standard? No hint of an apology for our awful performance against Forest. Instead, he serves up a dish of smug, self congratulatory triumphalism, with a garnish of caution in case it all goes wrong.

Doctor Evil's understanding of the game is summed up when he boasts that stats show how we have got the ball into the opposition box more often than any other team in the division. That, according to Sam, is the mark of a good team!

To hell with the quality of the delivery! Never mind that there's nobody in the box to receive it! So what that 95% of the time the ball finds a defender with time and space to clear? It's statistics my friend, and even if you only find your own player 5% of the time, 5% of one hundred is better than 5% of fifty, so hoof the ball in as often as possible and eventually you will find a player from your own team!

It is the diametrically opposite approach of Barcelona. Watch the Catalans play and they treat the penalty area like the vagina of a goddess, only to be penetrated in moments of divine ecstasy. The ball is loved. A pass across the face of the box is foreplay. A pass backwards is titillation. A pass wide is a touch against the erogenous zones.

But Allardyce isn't interested in foreplay. Fcuk it. Get it in there. Knock her to the floor, rip off her underwear and give her one, then chalk it up on the bed post, burp, fart and chew on a pack of Wrigley's is his approach. And for those of us who have worshipped at the altar of Moore, Hurst, Peters, Brooking, Di Canio, Greenwood and Lyall, it is the ultimate desecration, the ultimate corruption of a thing of beauty.

But we are top of the table the Allardyce apostates will argue, like fathers who ignore the bruises on their daughter's arms because the boyfriend is a good lad who always buys his round. God help us!

QPR's Anton refusing a hand job

2012-01-27T22:10:00.003Z

Well the guy is acting like a tosser so it is probably good news from Terry's point of view that Ferdinand is refusing a handshake, because heaven only knows what might be coating the palm of Anton's hand!

There have been those defending Ferdinand, arguing that he hasn't stirred all this up. Well his reluctance to shake Terry's hand nails that lie. What a stupid, vindictive, irresponsible, petulant arse Anton is showing himself to be! But are we surprised? Remember this is the man who was put on trial, with his mate, for setting about a guy outside a club to protect his £64,000 watch.

And now Anton has received a bullet in the post! He has already hired £30,000 worth of protection so what's he going to do now? Best not drive past any book depositories on the way to the ground Anton mate!

John Lennon, John F Kennedy, Martin Luther King and...Anton Ferdinand. Three greats and a goofy goon!

This has all got ridiculously out of hand and Ferdinand only has himself to blame. He should have offered a handshake long ago and nipped this nonsense in the bud. Instead, he climbed up on his high horse and made himself a target for hatred and vilification. Let's hope he doesn't learn in a painful way that sticks and stones really do hurt more than names ever can!

Bye, bye, bye Ilunga!

2012-01-27T21:23:00.002Z

We saw the light on the night that he signed his full time contract
We saw the flickering shadows of money on his mind
He was our left back
And as he deceived us we watched and went out of our minds

My, my, my, Ilunga!
Why, why, why, Ilunga?

We could see that guy was no good for us
But we were lost like slaves that no Grant could set free
At break of day when that man drove away, Sam was waiting
He crossed the street to Rita's house and Ilunga opened the door

He stood there laughing
Sam felt the knife in his hand and he laughed no more

My, my, my Ilunga
Why, why, why Ilunga?

So before they come to break down the door
Forgive us Ilunga we just couldn't take any more!

[insert trumpet solo here]

He stood there laughing
Sam felt the knife in his hand and he laughed no more

My, my, my, Ilunga
Why, why, why, Ilunga

So before they come to break down the door
Forgive us Ilunga we just couldn't take any more
Forgive us Ilunga we just couldn't take any more!

QPR, PSG and Spurs Target Samba is a Disgrace to Football!

2012-01-27T10:15:00.003Z

Dear God, I hope Blackburn fine Samba and leave him to rot in the reserves for the rest of the season. The guy signed a contract extension last year and is the club captain at Blackburn, but with Tottenham, PSG and QPR sniffing, he slapped in a transfer request. So far, so fair enough. Everybody is entitled to ask.

But the request was rejected and Samba was told his services were required until the end of the season at least - in line with a contract that HE signed. So what has he done now? Only come out and said that Blackburn should sell him or he will throw games if picked.

OK, he hasn't used those words exactly, but how else do you interpret his reported words in The Sun: “Blackburn need players who are 100 per cent for the club — and I’m not." That is a threat. That is a warning that he will coast, that he won't show commitment, that he will, by implication, help the opposition to win.

He added: "“I’m at the end of the road here. I’m not going to change so, for their good and mine, they must sell me now.” Look at the threat implied in the words "for their good...they must sell me".

This is a time for the clubs to unite on behalf of the sport and the fans. No club should touch Samba. No group of fans should welcome him to their club. This is an appalling betrayal. Blackburn fans have idolised this man. The club has made him very wealthy. In fact the club has made him because he was a nobody before Blackburn gave him the chance to play in the Prem. And how has he repaid the club and their fans? Despicably.

Rot in the stiffs Samba! Stand firm Blackburn. And all the other clubs should make him a pariah. Asking for a move is one thing, threatening a club in this way cannot and must not be tolerated.

Tottenham's 'Arry Can't Reed and Rite!

2012-01-26T22:16:00.001Z

No surprise there! According to 'Arry, he's never "wrote" a letter in his life. He aint a wealer deeler, 'e's a football manager, but he can't spel for his liffe and is so disorgasmized that he couldn't posibly hide monie from the tax man.

Mind you, this inability to write hasn't stopped 'Arry from earning money from News International for a weekly article in The Sun. How does that work then? He can't write a letter but he can write a column for a newspaper!

But then the article is no doubt ghosted. Just like a bank account in Monaco!

If I'm on the jury, he is going down!

Is Yo-Yo a No-No for Sullivan & Gold or Perfectly Acceptable?

2012-01-26T21:51:00.003Z

There is a body of opinion that holds that relegation suited Sullivan and Gold. It enabled them to cut wages across the board and nudged a host of high wage earners out of the door. The Eggert, Duxbury, Curbishley, Nani & Zola eras did for us good and proper. Bad signings, bad sales, bad appointments, bad tactics, bad contracts, bad results...between them, they dug the grave, tipped in the corpse and then handed a shovel over to the Undertaker Grant to complete the job. And, with the backing of Sullivan and Gold, Grant duly buried us as a Premiership club.

But so what? The latest accounts suggest that the shake down of relegation has achieved exactly what Sullivan and Gold might have hoped it would. After warning of financial Armageddon if we went down, perhaps it dawned on them that with parachute payments in place, relegation represented the opposite, a means of financial rehabilitation. Had we clung on to Premiership survival, players would have had to be bought and new arrivals would have demanded wage parity with the overpaid leeches already sucking the life out of the club. We were in a Catch 22.

Now it has all changed. Nolan is overpaid and so is Cole, but the rest are presumably on realistic wages, remembering that we refused to increase Green's salary. Now, if we return to the Prem, we will do so with a drastically reduced wage bill and in a position to turn a profit, even if we finish bottom. And those words, "even if we finish bottom" are important.

We may now have a financial model that suits a club of our stature. West Brom Yo-Yoed and because of the parachute payments, are financially stable. What would Sullivan & Gold prefer, huge transfer fees and a massive wage bill to keep us in the Prem, or harvesting the dosh one year, whilst keeping the wage bill low, accepting probable relegation and then focusing on bouncing back up the next season? If it works this year, then why not again, and again, and again, and again, and....

...and looking at that arse, I reckon it might be Princess Karren playing with that yo yo!

Ex QPR & Hammers legend Phil Parkes tells it how it is at Upton Park!

2012-01-26T15:46:00.002Z

Well said Phil Parkes! He was always a safe pair of hands and a level headed guy, and now he has come out and said it exactly as it is at Upton Park. According to Parkes, we only have 4 Premiership quality players in the squad: Green, Tomkins, Taylor and Noble (possibly).

It is interesting that Cole and Collison do not feature in that list. In fact, Cole is compared to David Cross and Parkes invites us to consider how many his former team mate would have scored "against oppositions like these". Baldock isn't good enough either. Faye and Reid are not considered up to it - no surprise there - and McCartney isn't either.

But the big ommission is a certain Kevin Nolan. Did Big Phil forget him? I doubt it! Captain Fantastic doesn't even get a mention!

Parkes quite rightly says we were "dreadful against Forest" and, like me, asserts "in truth I haven’t seen them play that well all season".

I get all sorts of flack for saying it as it is. So, are the anonymice going to turn on Parkes now and tell him he doesn't know what he's talking about?

The truth is, we're shit, and some of us - those who understand the game - know we are! As Phil says, “I still think they will be promoted and I also think that they have the strongest squad in the division and could run away with it if they can find a consistent run of form, but in truth I think that says just how poor the Championship is!"

Fernandes breaks the bank to bolster QPR

2012-01-26T12:35:00.003Z

There were those who scoffed. There were those who said Fernandes would try to cling to Premiership survival on the cheap. There were those who doubted the commitment of the Malaysian to the cause. Well what have those doubters got to say for themselves now?

Not only has Fernandes signed Taiwo, he has now signed Nedum into the bargain! And this one isn't on loan! No sir! QPR have splashed the cash to buy the Man City nearly man, forking out a massive £2.5 million to secure their man! £2.5m! Think of that! £2.5m! On one player!

How much did I say Fernandes would spend in this window? £5m wasn't it? He is half way there!

Hang on, it's just occurred to me, Taiwo and Nedum. Put 'em together and what do you get? Taiwonedum. Or Tweedledee and Tweedledum! And, as time will tell, that sums up the defensive ability of these guys! Never mind the quality, check out the price tag!

Fernandes is shopping in Primark!

£7m offer for Jelavic - if true, who needs QPR's Fernandes?

2012-01-25T20:29:00.001Z

Bloody hell. It's being reported that Rangers have turned down a £7m bid for Jelavic. If this is true, then that's nothing short of amazing. How brave are Sullivan and Gold to make an offer like that whilst we are still in the Championship?

The Dildo Brothers have had their critics - and I am numbered amongst them - but if they are really prepared to shell out that sort of money on one player, without the guarantee of the Premiership's megabucks, and with new financial rules threatened for the Championship, then they deserve huge credit.

Whilst QPR miss out on deals because of an inability to agree terms and are targeting players that they stand no realistic hope of signing, we are apparently competing on a level footing in the transfer market with Premiership clubs.

Of course, the gRs will accuse me of double standards here, as the bid has been rejected, just like the Fernandes bid for Samba. And I have no real defence against that charge. Sullivan and Gold may be playing the same game as the Malaysian, talking big in the full knowledge that they will never have to open their wallets. The difference is that we definitely did bid for Rhodes at a figure that would normally have secured the services of a player in Division 1 and Rangers are willing to part with Jelavic at the right price - and we have met that rumoured price.

So, who needs Fernandes and Mittal when you have Sullivan and Gold exactly?

Cardiff's Malky Mackay Shows Allardyce The Way!

2012-01-25T12:06:00.001Z

Congratulations to Malky Mackay and his Cardiff team. They came to Upton Park and gave us a bloody nose first game of the season, sit on the shoulder of Southampton and just four points behind ourselves in the Championship, and have now reached a League Cup final into the bargain.

It was hugely refreshing to hear Mackay's answer to the question, "You're in the final and you're third in the Championship, which do you prioritise?" No bull, no lip service to the now standard mantra, Mackay replied, "We prioritise both."

Good on him! Cardiff fans must be choked to see Swansea playing out of their skins in the Prem, but they now have their own bragging rights. And they could well join Swansea in the top division next season. How wonderful would that be for Wales?

Mackay had to cope with a massive turnover of players in the summer - just like Allardyce - and he has led them brilliantly. They're not great - no team in this division is - but they play decent football and they give a good account of themselves every time they take to the pitch; and you can't ask more than that!

True we are four points ahead of Cardiff at the moment, but most pundits expected the gap to be larger at the start of the season - and we crashed out of both Cups at the first hurdle. Why can Cardiff give a good account of themselves in both League and Cup, whilst we have had to sacrifice Cup glory in the name of pragmatic pursuit of promotion?

Far be it from me to suggest this, but might modest Malky Mackay be a better manager than arrogant Allardyce? Perish the thought!

Matty Taylor on the way back!

2012-01-24T23:03:00.001Z

Let's not get too carried away, the guy has come back a couple of times before and barely got through a game, but we have to hope that the long layoff has put him right this time.

Taylor isn't Messi but he offers balance on the left of midfield and can deliver a wicked set piece. We will be a much better team for his return - providing he can string a few games together, at last.

QPR News: Sparky to sack his agent as Alex heads to Paris?

2012-01-24T22:51:00.001Z

Hello, hello, hello. The gRs were telling me that Alex was definitely joining QPR because the Chelsea reject and the QPR manager share the same agent. But now, it seems, Alex has rejected the Hoops and is heading for PSG instead.

You what? Alex has failed to agree terms with Rangers apparently. But how can that be? Isn't Mittal one of the richest men in the World? Hasn't Fernandes committed himself to turning QPR into a major force in the Prem? These guys could buy Tevez if they wanted to, according to the gRs, yet they can't stump up enough to persuade a second rate Brazilian to stay in London.

Bloody hell! Some might think that Fernandes has been selling the gRs a line! How many new signings so far? A left back on loan!

Quelle surprise! As Alex may say when he moves to Paris!

Tottenham's 'Arry Doing Porridge

2012-01-24T21:58:00.001Z

Opening credits. Voice over. "Henry James Redknapp, you have pleaded not guilty to the charges brought by this court, and it is now my duty to pass sentence. You are an habitual criminal, who accepts arrest as an occupational hazard, and presumably accepts imprisonment in the same casual manner. We therefore feel constrained to commit you to the maximum term allowed for these offences: you will go to prison for five years."

Opening scene. Medical inspection.
MO: Suffer from any illness?
'Arry: Bad feet.
MO: Suffer from any illness?
'Arry: Bad feet!
MO: Paid a recent visit to a doctor or hospital?
'Arry: Only with my bad feet! ...
MO: Are you now or have you at any time been a practising homosexual.
'Arry: What, with these feet? Who'd have me?

[The MO has finished 'Arry's medical, and points to some specimen containers over on a table]
MO: Now I want you to fill one of those containers for me.
'Arry: What, from 'ere?

On the evidence so far, if I'm on the jury, he's going down! And that's without googling him and checking out any previous!

A Missive From Doncaster

2012-01-24T16:44:00.002Z

1 West Ham         27 19 53
2 Southampton     27 20 50
3 Cardiff              27 15 49
4 Middlesbrough 27   3 45
5 Hull                   27   3 45
6 Birmingham       26 16 43
7 Blackpool          27 9 42
8 Reading             27 7 42
9 Leeds                27 5 42
10 Brighton          27 1 41
11 Derby             27 -2 41
12 Burnley          27 6 40
13 Leicester         27 6 38
14 Crystal Palace 27 -1 37
15 Barnsley          27 -4 36
16 Peterborough   27 1 33
17 Portsmouth      26 0 31
18 Watford        27 -11 30
19 Bristol City    27 -12 30
20 Millwall         27 -8 29
21 Ipswich        27 -16 28
22 Nott'm Forest 27 -22 24
23 Doncaster    27 -22 23
24 Coventry     27 -13 22

I spent 10 days in the summer finding Mido, and today I'm in Doncaster, hunting down Billy Sharp, hoping to persuade him to come south with me and sign for West Ham. This place is such a dump - despite the new shopping centre - I can't imagine why anybody would want to stay here. Reject Leicester by all means - who would want to live there - but choose Donny over London? Why?

Mind you, I have had a fascinating time. I stood outside a house being cleared by bailiffs for non payment of rent and watched as the furniture and TVs were carried out and loaded into a van. Pretty soon the van was packed to the rafters, and then two guys came out carrying a dining table.
"There's no way that's fitting in the van," one guy said.
They looked at the heaving van, looked at the table, stood around scratching their heads, and then one noticed something. "The legs unscrew!" he said triumphantly. "We could unscrew the legs, slide and stack them down the side of the van there and then lay the table top on top of all the other stuff in that five inch gap up there."
"Brilliant!" his mate said. So they unscrewed the legs, slid and stacked them down the side of the van, and then hoisted the table onto the pile of furniture, squeezing it neatly into the only remaining five inch gap, and there it lay.

All of which goes to prove that sometimes, the table really does lie!

Allardyce's Devils now ahead of Saints on points!

2012-01-23T22:38:00.001Z

Satan must be rubbing his hands together in glee as he studies the contract signed by Allardyce, giving his soul in return for the England job. With 'Arry in court today, facing a possible stretch inside for alleged tax evasion, Doctor Evil's West Ham Wanderers were confirmed as leaders of the Championship as Satan's vermin Leicester City ripped out the throats of Adkins' Saints, edging Allardyce just that little bit closer to the job he craves.

Poor Bobby Moore, already turning in his grave at the corruption of the West Ham way, must be dreading the appointment of Sam Pot as manager of the National Team. Just imagine Allardyce's England playing against Brazil! Well we may not have to imagine it the way things are going!

It is great news that we sit at the top of the table, three points clear of Southampton and with a goal difference which is only marginally inferior. The Saints have stumbled badly, and their slump continues. Lambert is so important to them, and so is Lallana, both of whom missed today's game.

We are in the box seat now, and Allardyce may just have given his and our soul to keep us there!

Allardyce Bad Mouths West Ham's Heritage

2012-01-23T20:30:00.004Z

He really is an arrogant, disrespectful git isn't he? Not content with producing a Bolton B Team in Claret and Blue, Allardyce has bad mouthed the club's heritage, scoffing, "The West Ham way is the losing way".

It's true. Even with Moore, Hurst and Peters in the team, we lost more games than we won. But we did win the FA Cup & the Cup Winners Cup under Greenwood, and the FA Cup twice under Lyall. Not to mention coming within a whisker of winning the most thrilling Cup Final ever under Pardew and reaching the Cup Winners Cup Final under Lyall, playing our part - a losing part it is true - in another 6 goal Cup Final thriller.

Yes Allardyce, the West Ham way is the losing way. But do you know, the fans were entertained. Unlike the Bolton and Blackburn fans who endured long ball bollocks to achieve what exactly? The West Ham way is the losing way, but at least it won friends. What has the Allardyce Way ever won? Any league titles? Any poxy little domestic cups? Any European trophies? Any admirers or friends?

Tell us Sam. When are the fans going to start singing "We are Fat Sam's Claret and Blue Army?" When are the fans going to take you to their hearts? When are the fans going to leave the Boleyn buzzing rather than muttering, "If it gets us up..."?

Anybody kidding himself that Allardyce has worked some kind of oracle at West Ham should take very careful note of key stats revealed in Saturday's match day programme. Based on games against the teams sitting in the bottom half of the table - the real shit of the division - our results, even before the victory over Forest, put us top of the table.

However, based on results against teams in the top half of the table - the shit that isn't good enough for the Prem - we sit in SEVENTH place in the Championship!

Note that: SEVENTH. That is OUTSIDE THE PLAY OFF PLACES!

So what does that show? Well, when we come up against teams with a mere modicum of ability, we are found wanting! Based on a division within the division, we are only the seventh best team in amongst a mass of mediocrity.

The truth is, there has been no real change since Avram departed. If we were in the Prem, we would be struggling just as badly under Allardyce as we were under Grant. We couldn't beat Cardiff or Leeds or Southampton or Reading or Birmingham or Burnley. So never mind Man Utd, Unreal City, Chelsea and Tottenham, we would struggle against Wolves, QPR, Wigan, Blackburn and Bolton!

The improvement under Allardyce is a chimera. If you play against shit teams, you SHOULD win. The trouble is, we have to play shit-with-knobs-on teams before we can win, and even then we need dubious penalties and dodgy red cards to do so. How many goals have we scored from open play since the beginning of December? Where would we sit in a "current form table", leaving aside two narrow home victories against teams in the bottom three?

The West Ham way is the losing way, apparently. But under Lyall we won the FA Cup when in the Second Division and reached a League Cup final too. How have you fared in the Cups then Sam?

God help us if we do get back into the Prem. We will be a laughing stock. Welcome to the Academy of Football where players graduate in the long ball lump!

He has killed off the present, casts a shadow over the future and now, like the Big Fat Dictator that he is, he wants to annihilate our heritage and our past. Welcome to Sam Pot's Year Zero! And all you pragmatists should remember that in Germany the Weimar thought they could control Hitler until it was all too late!

QPR News: No Brazilian in the Bush!

2012-01-23T18:20:00.002Z

Well there's a surprise! Henrique is not joining QPR after all. It transpires that the Brazilian wonderkid doesn't qualify for a work permit!

Now you would have thought that Fernandes and the QPR Board might have checked out whether or not Henrique would meet the criteria for a permit before they trumpeted that they were trying to sign him. Unless, of course, this was all just a publicity stunt from the off.

We are now a week away from the window closing and how much has Fernandes spent exactly? There's been lots of talk - just like his stated ambition to sign Parker in August when he knew that Scotty was Tottenham bound - but what has been delivered so far?

An African left back who has barely kicked a ball in anger so far this season - and he's only on loan! Any Rangers fans who think the guy must be quality because he has signed from AC Milan should note how crap Jimenez and Obinna were in the Prem after we signed them on loan from Inter. If he was any good, Milan wouldn't let him go!

Nedum probably won't be joining because of Mummy. Piennar has been priced out of the market. Samba was never going to be allowed to join Rangers so Fernandes could safely play Billy Big Bollocks with a £7m offer, knowing it wouldn't be accepted - just like with Parker. Alex still hasn't shown any interest in swapping Chelsea's Stiffies for QPR's Bush.

Of course, the gRs will tell me West Ham are shit - but I agree so what's the point in that? I have warned throughout that Fernandes is all mouth and no trousers, and the Henrique farce is further evidence that the Rs are being conned.

The result against Wigan was a fantastic fillip and Buzsaky took his goal superbly - but Wigan are a very poor team. It's all very well for Hughes to get results against MK Dons and Wigan, but much bigger challenges lie ahead. Unless Fernandes invests, QPR will struggle, but for all the talk, there's no hard evidence that the Malaysian is really planning to open his wallet!

Vital Statistics Revealed In Match Day Programme

2012-01-23T17:43:00.000Z

Anybody kidding himself that Allardyce has worked some kind of oracle at West Ham should take very careful note of key stats revealed in Saturday's match day programme.

Based on games against the teams sitting in the bottom half of the table - the real shit of the division - our results, even before the victory over Forest, put us top of the table.

However, based on results against teams in the top half of the table - the shit that isn't good enough for the Prem - we sit in SEVENTH place in the Championship!

Note that: SEVENTH. That is OUTSIDE THE PLAY OFF PLACES!

So what does that show? Well, when we come up against teams with a mere modicum of ability, we are found wanting! Based on a division within the division, we are only the seventh best team in amongst a mass of mediocrity.

There has been no change since Avram guys. If we were in the Prem, we would be struggling. We couldn't beat Cardiff or Leeds or Southampton or Reading or Birmingham or Burnley. So never mind Man Utd, Unreal City, Chelsea and Tottenham, we would struggle against Wolves, QPR, Wigan, Blackburn and Bolton!

The improvement under Allardyce is a chimera. If you play against shit teams, you SHOULD win. The trouble is, we have to play shit-with-knobs-on teams before we can win, and even then we need dubious penalties and dodgy red cards to do so.

Wake up! How many goals have we scored from open play since the beginning of December? Where would we sit in a "current form table", leaving aside two narrow home victories against teams in the bottom three?

If Allardyce doesn't bring in two or three players before the window slams shut, we will find ourselves in the play offs!

Onouha's Mummy Says Maybe Not to QPR

2012-01-23T07:10:00.002Z

Oh dear , oh dear, oh dear. Hoops fans might like to think again about the wisdom of signing Onouha after his mother has said that he will only make a move that is "right for his career and family circumstances".

It sounds very much to me as if Mummy doesn't want her darling Nedum living too far away from her and is worried about the big bad nasty Smoke. What sort of 25 year old guy has his Mummy as his "representative" speaking on his behalf, for pity's sake?

Nedummy has been in talks with QPR but a stumbling block appears to be the diamond encrusted teddy bear he is demanding and the insistence that Farley's Rusks be added to the menu in the QPR canteen. Nedum left the last meeting in tears and had to sit on the naughty step outside Mark Hughes' office for twenty minutes before his tantrum subsided and the meeting could continue.

Just what you Needum when you are looking for a defensive powerhouse to lead you in a battle against relegation!

QPR's Dyer Looking Forward to Pre Season Training!

2012-01-23T00:10:00.002Z

The bloody nerve of the guy! He reckons he is targeting a return for the last month of the season, providing Hughes leaves a berth in his 25 man squad for him. If not, Kieron won't go flat out - correction, he is always flat out but you know what I mean - aiming, instead, for preseason training! Well, it is nice and warm in July and early August so Kieron specialises in friendly games!

Mind you, he's doing his best to get in Mark Hughes' good books. Just listen to him!

"He nearly got the Chelsea job in the summer, so that goes to show what kind of manager he is. He's got a professional outfit with Eddie Niedzwiecki, Mark Bowen and Kevin Hitchcock; they're very professional and thorough. He left Fulham, who finished eighth in the league, to come and take a job at QPR. If he can keep us up this season with the owners and their vision then QPR is a great place to be. It's paramount though that we stay in the league this season and we will really kick on with the new manager."

So that's it then, Dyer is out with another injury: chronic brown nose!

Why is Collison taking corners? And why can't we coach the basics?

2012-01-22T23:09:00.002Z

I know Taylor is injured, but that's not the bloody point! What the hell is Collison doing taking corners from the right? Every one is dollied up wide and deep, aimed towards Tomkins - and JT can't head a goal to save his life anyway - and with no pace and no whip; it is so so so easy to defend.

How many corners did Collison take against Forest? Three? Four? And they were all exactly the same, and every one was met by a Forest head thumping the ball to safety. Noble has his critics, but at least he delivers a corner into the six yard box where the opposition keeper is crowded and blocked according to Doctor Evil directives. It aint subtle, but it can produce scrambled goals. But the Collison delivery is NEVER going to panic a half decently organised defence.

What the hell are they doing on the training field? Surely a professional footballer should be able to deliver a corner with pace into the six yard box, even with his wrong foot? I can for Christ's sake, so why can't Collison?

But he is not alone in failing in the basics. One guy chatting with me at the game described a typical Cole header as "sucking the life out of the ball". Why does he cushion headers? Where are his neck muscles? Where is the headbutt motion that should deliver the forehead onto the ball, like a Barton greeting onto the bridge of a nose? For once, Faubert delivered the perfect cross on Saturday, only for Cole to cushion the ball tamely wide of the goal. It was like watching a girlie with a broken nose head the ball - or like watching Faubert!

And what about Green's kicking? Twice on Saturday he put the ball into touch in his own half, and on neither occasion was he under pressure. Basic, basic stuff, but England's number 666 can't do it! Pathetic!

I don't blame the players, I blame the coaches. How many goals have we scored from open play in the last two months? One, two? And is it any wonder when Faubert can't cross, Cole can't head a ball, McCartney can't cross, Collison can't take a corner, and nobody can hit a barn door from five yards? Why aren't they being drilled in these basic skills for pity's sake?

Scott Parker and Tottenham Stumble at Man City

2012-01-22T22:08:00.001Z

Poor Scotty Parker must have thought he was back in Claret and Blue, as Tottenham shipped three goals and "Mr West Ham" was cruelly exposed - having his head stamped on by Balotelli into the bargain!

For the Nasri goal, the Tottenham back line was ripped to shreds as an unchallenged Silva, operating in the hole that Scotty is supposed to fill, slipped in a brilliant pass for the former Arsenal man to slam home. The second saw Parker watching from a yard away as Lescott netted. And as King brought down Balotelli for the third, who was that huffing and puffing in the Italian's wake? None other than Scotty Parker, his foppish hairstyle flapping in the Italian's slipstream!

Tottenham were undoubtedly unlucky - Balotelli should have seen a straight red for the stamp, never mind a second yellow - but Parker learnt today that, up against superior teams, anchoring isn't as easy as it has seemed up until now in a Tottenham shirt. With more big games to come, we will see just how good Tottenham and Scotty Parker really are!

QPR's Giant Step to Safety!

2012-01-22T09:44:00.002Z

Well that result was huge! It's not just the three points, although the three points were massive of course, it's what the win has done psychologically to the team and the fans. At last a home victory in the Prem against 11 men! At last back to back wins! At last a buzzing sound in the Bush! And all this under a newly appointed manager. Fabulous!

What a shame the next game is in the Cup against Chelsea. Ideally, the next Prem game would follow on quickly. But the up side is that by the time the Hoops take on Villa, there could be both a buzzing sound and a Brazilian in the Bush - and imagine the squeals of delight then! A result in Birmingham followed by a victory at home to Wolves, and they will be talking about the Europa League again!

Mind you, it is suddenly getting interesting at the bottom. Bolton and Blackburn have come out of hibernation and look as if they mean to make a fight of it. But Wolves are on the slide and Wigan now look doomed. How ironic. Martinez had the chance to jump ship in the summer but opted to stay on the the deck of the Costa JJB Sports instead. That's looking like a serious error of judgement. Loyalty? Who values loyalty in football? So now the stick or twist debate has started at Molineaux - with McCarthy being blamed a week after being hailed a hero for plotting a draw at White Hart Lane.

The bottom five are still detached, and QPR are in the bottom five despite that win - so this is not the time for the Rs to get cocky nor for the gRs to get aggressively triumphant. We hauled our way out of the bottom three at one point last season and still finished bottom. But Hughes has established some momentum and that could be crucial. The odds on survival shortened yesterday. Get a result against Villa and Wolves and there could even be some breathing space! It's exciting at the bottom end!

Top of the table in a morgue

2012-01-22T01:10:00.003Z

How subdued were the crowd again today? True the performance was uninspiring but the atmosphere at the Boleyn was dreadful.

It was all summed up by the muted response to Kriss Akabusi's reading of the teamsheet. Poor Akabusi gave it his all, reading the selected players' names as if they were returning World Cup winners, but the fans responded with all the enthusiasm of a beauty pulling out Ian Dowie's keys at a wife swapping party. Kriss announced "Capatain Fantastic, Number Four, Kevin Nolaaaaannnnnnn!" and the crowd responded with a barely audible, "Yay". By the time Akabusi reached, "Number Twenty-One Papa Bouba Diop" nobody could be arsed to even groan!

The best reception of all, in fact, was for Marlon Harewood, "Who so nearly scored the winning goal in the Cup Final against Liverpool." The applause before kick off and in response to his substitution was heart warming, but it is a bit desperate when an opponent is given a bigger cheer than any of your own team. Even the response to the announcement that Tomkins had extended his contract was slightly muted. In fact, first half, the Forest away supporters, like the Forest team, outperformed us.

We finished the game top of the table, but with the ground only two thirds full by the final whistle. For great chunks of the game, you could hear a penny drop in the stadium - even the anger seems to have been suffocated out of the supporters by Allardyce's boring, boring football.

Fortress Upton Park? The Boleyn Morgue more like!

West Ham 2 Nottingham Forest 1 - Thank You Master Bates!

2012-01-21T22:03:00.003Z

Well that was much closer than it should have been - AGAIN! And to those who claim that you get a better understanding of the game if you are there rather than watching on TV or on a good INTERNET stream, all I can say is that I had no idea why either of the penalties were awarded watching live!

But thank God they were because yet again we looked impotent from open play for a good 80% of the game. First half we were awful. Noble probed and made a few good passes and Faubert raided down the right flank with surprising energy but predictably poor results. To be fair he sent over two good crosses in the first half and put one on a plate for Cole in the second - which Carlton headed pathetically wide - but those two apart, we were clueless.

Baldock was busy but offered no kind of threat on goal. Cole was lumbering and offered no kind of threat on goal. Nolan was largely anonymous and offered no kind of threat on goal. Collison dropped deeper and deeper and offered no kind of threat on goal. Diop has scored one goal in six years so enough said!

Forest looked far and away the most likely to score first half. McCartney was afforded no protection on the left hand flank and was done three or four times. Fortunately the crossing was poor and the finishing - when a Forest player connected in the box - poor. Anybody not in the know would have guessed that Forest were the team in the top two and West Ham the side struggling at the wrong end of the table. Our "chances" boiled down a missed deflection from Nolan and a tame shot from outside the box by Noble.

And then Referee Bates - all 50 years of paunch - extended his arthritic arm and pointed to the spot on the stroke of half time. Talk about a bolt from the blue! Where we were sitting in the Chicken Run, we had no idea what had happened and up until that point, Bates and his assistants had ignored repeated pushing and shoving by Forest defenders. At one point Baldock was almost shoved into orbit, right in front of the officials, and nothing was given. The natives around me were getting well agitated and, even after the penalty was scored, the general opinion at half time was that we were "fcuking shit" and that the team had played like a bunch of "fcuking cnuts". And I wasn't about to disagree!

Second half we were better, much better, but Forest should have equalised before Master Bates and his Assistant awarded us our second dubious penalty. Green was forced into a save as Forest ripped through the centre of our defence and the rebound was somehow scrambled or deflected behind for a corner. And from the corner, Cole, on the near post, either deflected the cross , or got out of the way, and the ball appeared to travel right across the goal and strike the far post. Talk about hearts in mouth!

But that seemed to spark us into action. The next fifteen minutes were good, bloody good, but it was all happening at the opposite end of the pitch. Collison woke up, waltzed past three Forest defenders and forced Camp into a superb save. Lansbury forced Camp into another good save and Baldock joined in with Camp again getting in a block, only for Collison to blaze wide of an open goal.

When the second penalty was awarded, all the tension disappeared. Faubert suddenly started attacking the full back and crossing from the byline and Cole missed a sitter, heading wide that rare thing, a perfect Faubert cross. And the game was as good as over as a contest.

Tomkins was awarded Man of the Match as a reward for signing his contract extension and then, lo and behold, put the ball into McGugon's path (it was a weak tackle) for the Forest goal - a real belter!

Allardyce has admitted that we weren't at our best - and that is an understatement! But then, when have we been at our best? Back in September wasn't it?

We are top - but ask Forest fans how and they will tell you that Master Bates is the most appropriately named official ever!

Player ratings: Green 6 Faubert 7, Tomkins 6, Reid 7, McCartney 5, Diop 5, Collison 6, Noble 7, Nolan 5, Baldock 6, Cole 1 Subs: Lansbury 6, Piquionne 1, Hall 7 (Really impressive apart from one dreadful corner!)

QPR v Wigan. Hughes says, "Show me why I should replace you!"

2012-01-21T11:06:00.001Z

Put yourself in Gabbidon's and Ferdinand's boots today. And in the boots of who ever starts at left back or in place of the ex Hammers. This is QPR's biggest game of the year, and three players go in to the game knowing that new manager Mark Hughes is hell bent on replacing them. Not the best motivation is it?

As they get changed, three players will be staring at three Hoops dangling from the ceiling of the changing room, and as Hughes delivers his final rallying cry, all three will be thinking, "Like I'm going to give one hundred percent for you!"

But this is the must win game to end all must win games. The fans will be up for it. Hughes will be up for it. Barton will be up for it - too up for it perhaps. But if three of your defenders are playing under a shadow and don't really care - and if two of them are Anton and Gabbidon - what chance do you stand?

My money is on a 1-1 draw or a 2-1 Wigan victory.

And who would want to join QPR then?

West Ham v Nottingham Forest - Play it again Sam!

2012-01-21T10:47:00.001Z

The last time we met Forest, I was cruising down the Nile, unable to pick up a signal on my radio and with no way of accessing the Internet. It was only when I was able to tune in to that amazing Man Utd v Arsenal game that I discovered we had won 4-1 and everybody on the sun deck turned to me aghast as I let a whoop of joy.

Four goals. Amazing when you think about it, given the last eight games have yielded just 6 goals in total. Yet the players on duty that day have all been available over the last two months, with the exception of the injured Taylor.

Is Matty Taylor really that important to the team? Well he is the best deliverer of a set piece and he is the only option for the left of midfield, if you want a left footer who is comfortable on the flank, but let's be honest, he is not Messi is he? Or even Alan Devonshire! The others should be able to cope with his absence. If not then they are a clueless bunch.

It was a 4-5-1 formation, of course, and there was no Baldock because he hadn't arrived. So expect Little Sam to replace the injured Taylor, and otherwise for Allardyce to stick with the team that thumped Forest on their dung heap. That would mean we set up thus:

Green

O'Brien, Tomkins, Reid, McCartney

Noble Collison

Faubert Nolan Baldock

Cole

Kevin Davies in Claret & Blue?

2012-01-20T17:43:00.002Z

Oh dear God spare us! Now I defended the selection of Davies for England but even I am not going to get excited about the idea of him joining West Ham. He is 34 FFS and isn't good enough to hold down a place at Bolton!

And whilst Davies is good at some things - bullying opponents, throwing his weight around, coming deep, leading the line, collecting yellow cards - one thing he is sure as hell shit at is taking chances.

We have enough goal shy strikers as it is! With Piquionne, Cole and Carew already on the books, why would Allardyce want another lump who can't hit a barn door from three yards out?

Hang on, the answer is in that word lump!

QPR's Barton Savages Warnock!

2012-01-20T17:25:00.001Z

Damn. I said it was only a matter of time before Barton landed one on Warnock's jaw, and it seems from the twitter spat that the Gobby One's dismissal has indeed robbed us of that golden moment. Just picture for a moment Warnock gobbing off as Barton storms from the pitch, getting close up and personal on the touchline and then...wham, Warnock's on the deck and Barton is kicking him and spitting on him as stewards, the police and team mates try to restrain him! Lifetime ban for Barton, broken jaw for Warnock, what could be better?

Amazing the way the tensions between the two were kept under wraps before the sacking! Now, after Warnock has blamed twitter for his sacking - with Barton in mind it seems - the Hooped thug has retaliated by comparing Warnock to Mike Bassett and claiming there were a million reasons why he should be sacked. Charming given Warnock rescued Barton's career after his falling out with Newcastle, talking Fernandes into offering him an obscene salary in the process.

I know Joey fancies himself as a bit of a literature buff after his tweets about Orwell. Perhaps he should pick up a copy of Shelley's Frankenstein, he might just spot a likeness between himself and the reanimated monster.

Meanwhile Hughes should take careful note. Turn your back on Barton, and you're likely to have your skull stove in before you know it!

Jelaviction

2012-01-20T16:37:00.001Z

The Mail is reporting that we are bidding for Jelavic. Trouble is, Rangers haven't received a bid and the figure being quoted comes nowhere near the Scottish club's valuation. So, that sounds like another made up story then!

We have given up on Rhodes and this latest deal looks likely to end up as a dead end too. So where will we turn to next? Piquionne or Carew in all probability!

Sincere apologies to ex QPR boss Neil Warnock

2012-01-19T22:48:00.001Z

Poor Neil, it seems I played my part in getting him the sack. It had nothing to do with QPR's terrible run of games without a victory - one point in his last 8 games wasn't it? - nor the fact that they had only won one home game all season - and that against 9 men. Nor was his dismissal down to QPR sliding into the bottom four from what appeared to be mid table security. No, all of that might imply that Warnock was in some way at fault. What an absurd idea!

No, the man who blamed a QPR blogger for not beating Blackburn at home and who blamed Tevez for the relegation of Sheffield United, is not about to accept that his own failings led to his dismissal.

So it seems it is all the fault of tweeters and bloggers, convincing Fernandes, against all the evidence, that Warnock should be sacked.

Well I'm sorry Neil. I really am. Most sincerely sorry. Better luck next time mate.

West Ham Transfer News

2012-01-19T22:07:00.001Z

Well it is January 19 and the news is, "There aint been no news". No new striker, unless you count Dixon, a 22 year old that nobody has ever heard of. And no new wide midfielder either. Not even a 22 year old that nobody has ever heard of.

We do have a new big lump to play at the back. Not that he is ready to play yet.

Tell me, why have a month long transfer window? Why not open it for just 24 hours?

What a farce.

Anton the QPR Drama Queen!

2012-01-19T07:19:00.004Z

Oh dear God. So Anton's form has been affected by the Terry controversy. The brave lad is going to "face up" to Terry when the teams meet and the former Hammer can "handle" the meeting.

Anybody would think Terry had raped him or murdered his loved ones. Stephen Lawrence's mother was "affected" by the murder of her son. Stephen Lawrence's mother "faced up" to her son's killers. Stephen Lawrence's mother "handled" the trial.

Ferdinand suffered a little bit of name calling. Big bloody deal. He made it into an international incident by crying wolf. Now we are expected to swallow that he is suffering anxiety attacks over the prospect of meeting Terry on a football pitch in front of 20,000 witnesses, three officials and the World's media. What a twat!

Gabbidon reckons Ferdinand's form has suffered. All I can say to that is that Anton must have been called a "F****** black c***" at regular points in his career because his form has never been consistent has it?

And to think I used to defend the guy against his West Ham critics. Now I feel nothing but contempt.

Great Britton - The One That Got Away!

2012-01-18T20:09:00.001Z

So, Leon Britton is officially the best passer of a ball in Europe. Better than Xavi. Better than Fabregas. Better even than Scott Parker and Diop!

And Swansea City, who out-passed Arsenal at the weekend, officially have the best pass completion rate in the Premiership, with Britton pulling the strings in the midfield hub of the team.

So what?

Well when we signed him as a 16 year old from Arsenal, it was for a record fee for a 16 year old - a cool £400,000. Clearly the boy had ability, but were we able to harness that talent and turn potential into the real deal? Sadly not.

Ask West Ham fans to name "the one that got away" and most would nominate Bullard, who like Britton was never given the chance to kick a ball in anger for the club. But it is beginning to look as if the real gem dropped down the drain was Leon.

Not that he would get a game under Allardyce of course. Too short. Too talented. Too many passes.

QPR 's Brazilian in the Bush

2012-01-18T08:26:00.004Z

Well, when you face the possibility of going down, you want a Brazilian in the Bush don't you? And it looks as if QPR may have won the battle to bring the much lauded Henrique to the club. He is 20 years old, reportedly overflowing with talent and, apparently, is wanted by a host of clubs. But the star of the FIFA Under 20 World Cup has opted for QPR because he wants to join a "club with ambition".

Sounds brilliant doesn't it? But as a West Ham fan, three names come to mind: Tevez, Mascherano and Barrera. Now all Rs will know the story of Tevez, and will realise that West Ham were used as a stable for conditioning the Argentinians before they moved on to Manchester United and Liverpool. It is true that Tevez eventually got his finger out and started playing for the club around about February, but it took him fully 5 months to acclimatise, whilst Mascherano drifted off before completing a pass for the club!

Barrera, meanwhile, arrived from Mexico after a good World Cup - the real deal, not the U20 one - and last summer was brilliant in the Gold Cup, firing Mexico to victory. But in England? Well the guy was hopeless, unhappy and completely out of his depth.

And if Henrique is so good, and he is so committed to the club, and Fernandes has so much money, why is he being signed on loan initially? Odd that.

QPR fans pinning their hopes on Henrique may be in for a big disappointment. Barrera left a nasty taste in the mouths of West Ham fans and there is something fishy about this deal. And if you are facing the prospect of going down, the last thing you want is something fishy in the Brazilian Bush.

Gabbidon Grabs Glory - QPR for the Cup!

2012-01-17T22:57:00.001Z

Stranger things have happened! The draw has opened the door for a "lesser light" to make it through to the Final. Man City are out and one of Liverpool or Man Utd have to crash out in the next round too. There's still the little matters of Arsenal, Tottenham and the winners of the Liverpool and Man Utd tie, of course, but if the draw is kind after QPR repeat their victory over the Plastics...

The best thing about today, from QPR's point of view, is that the game used up one of Barton's "holiday fixtures", and the next best thing is the victory - any win after the Hoops' depressing recent run is an absolute God send!

Unfortunately the performance was, by all accounts, poor and that is hardly surprising when you see the team. Not that Hughes was treating the competition with contempt, it's just that the players available to him are not very good. In fact, stripped of Barton and Faurlin, you begin to wonder how Warnock got them promoted and kept them out of the bottom three until his dismissal. The defence is poor, the midfield uninspiring and the front two ordinary. Macheda was withdrawn after 62 minutes which doesn't bode well does it? Hopes are being pinned on a Brazilian kid who hasn't yet been signed - and not many Brazilians have cut it in the Premier League have they?

So Hughes has his first victory, but the performance did not set the pulses racing. The game was, in truth, a sideshow, with the main event Saturday's head to head with Wigan. Lose that, and the FA Cup may be all QPR have to play for! But they won't lose at home to Wigan...will they?

We love you Avram Grant!

2012-01-17T18:40:00.001Z

All is forgiven! With his proposed move to Wolves breaking down, Freddie the Fly Tipper looked likely to remain a dead weight on our payroll, but then along comes Avram!

According to reports, Avram believes Piquionne can fire Partizan Belgrade into the Champions League. The immediate reaction is "Really?" but who knows how Avram arrives at his decisions. This was the man who elected to play Demba Ba wide left when we were desperate for goals to keep us in the Premiership.

Perhaps Allardyce should mention Barrera if he speaks to Avram on the phone as it doesn't look as if he has any future at the club either. Get rid of O'Neil and Avram's ghost will be removed for ever!

David Gold: the good guy in a world of bandits and a gangster moll

2012-01-17T17:06:00.001Z

(Submitted via comments by The Doomsday Clock)

I am sure we all know that DG has a twitter account where he seems to spend some time replying to fans comments (both good and bad). On the Olympic Stadium issue he he is quite clear: this is the preferred option but will not happen unless there is a lease for at least 99 years and the running track problem is resolved. The point is, he does not have to give us this insight into the Board's thoughts. As fans we have more information into their thinking now then we have ever enjoyed before. If his comments subsequently prove to be bogus then he his setting himself up for a fall.

DG is also writing his autobiography which is available for free on his web site. I have only had a chance to read the opening chapter but it is certainly a moving rag to riches story. He explains the extreme poverty and anti-Semitism problems endured in the East End during the London Blitz . Certainly it makes us wonder what we have to complain about today in the UK. No doubt the lessons he learnt subsequently inspired him to make his money in any way he could, and I have no doubt that his upbringing would have made him a totally ruthless businessman. But that doesn't make him a liar or a crook.

As a local West Ham boy the club was his passion from an early age. He played for the youth teams. It is, therefore, difficult to argue that the claret and blue blood does not flow through his veins.

DG has made his money and could no doubt have an extremely comfortable retirement if he so chose. Whilst more money is always nice, I suspect he has "come home" and would rather leave his mark as someone who helped take the club to the next level. I might be wrong but my feeling is that the club will be in safe hands under his watch, starting with promotion this year. One step at a time but if this happens the Board will have some difficult decisions to make in the summer regarding funding of new players to compete in the Premier League.

Playing Poker with the Boleyn

2012-01-16T22:00:00.003Z

I'll see your Olympic Stadium and raise you the Boleyn.

Interesting to read that we may not move to the OS after all. Believe that and you will lose your house, wife and the keys to the motor if you ever sit down to a game of poker.

Sullivan and Gold bought the club because of the OS. It is their key to a killing. It's why they have increased their ownership and it's why the banks haven't called in the loans. It's also why the Fernandes approach was knocked back. Why share a bonanza if you don't have to?

How much is the Boleyn worth? A lot more as flats than as a football stadium. And a hell of lot more than the £40m that some have been claiming given the £73m figure showing in the published accounts (including the training facilities).

So what are the Davids up to? Trying to put the wind up the OLC of course. How stupid are they going to look if they can't find tenants for the stadium in the year of the Olympics themselves? Sullivan & Gold are suddenly in a buyer's market. Tottenham don't want the stadium so who else is there? Leyton Orient? Yeah right!

Retractable seating will now be a deal breaker - or so the David's will suggest. We won't spend a penny despite taking the piss out of the Legacy Committee. Sullivan & Gold have the them over a barrel and will drive the Claret and Blue dildo as deep as they can. Thank you Tottenham, you may have saved West Ham United an absolute fortune!

Reasons to be cheerful for West Ham and QPR on the most depressing day of the year

2012-01-16T20:04:00.002Z

Today is the most depressing day of the year apparently. Not in Blackburn after they climbed out of the bottom three at Rangers' expense. Well maybe in Blackburn. Let's face it, how could you be anything other than miserable in Blackburn, unless you have moved there from Middlesbrough!

So, what is there to be cheerful about?

Well it's not so hard for Hammers fans. We are second in the table. Or joint top if we want to be cheerful. We are four points clear of third place and have Forest up next - and they score less goals than we do. But they do have Harewood. Well, like I said, they score less goals than we do!

The injuries are clearing up too. As things stand, its only Demel and Taylor carrying Kieron Notes.

And Big Sam has signed another big lump. John George or George John, whatever he is called. So Sam is happy and if Sam is happy we must be happy too. Our slump is officially over. Because Sam says so. So that's all right then. We did beat Portsmouth on their dung heap after all, overcoming ten mediocre men in the process. That's progress! Under Zola we specialised in drawing against 10 men!

And then there's Piquionne. Freddie the Fly Tipper may be off to Wolves!

True the football is shit, true we haven't scored twice in the same game for eight matches now, and true we have all the flair of...well of an Allardyce team, but we have won two league games on the trot and haven't shipped a goal in either. And we are out of the FA Cup too, so no distractions there!

So let's be happy!

Finding reasons to be cheerful if you are an R is not so easy. Sunday's defeat rooted the R's in the bottom three and the Hughes bubble was pricked earlier than anybody outside of Wigan, Blackburn, Bolton and Fulham would have liked. The last eight games have yielded just one point and newly promoted Swansea and Norwich are leaving Rangers in their wake.

But QPR have Sparky Hughes and he is a winner. Of all the managers available, after O'Neil was snapped up by Sunderland, he was the best man for the job.

And QPR were unlucky at Newcastle, hitting the post twice before Newcastle scored. And unlucky against Norwich too with the sending off of Barton the Innocent. Sometime soon the luck will have to turn, albeit luck evened itself out in the cup game in Milton Keynes.

And Fernandes and Mittal have money and Fernandes has threatened to spend it.

And Hughes has a list of targets.

And Dyer may be fit in the summer.

And best of all, Bolton, Wigan and Blackburn are all shit. And Piquionne may join Wolves!

And there is a relegation six pointer against Wigan up next.

And best of all, QPR may sign Henrique. And if you have to go down, its always best to have a Brazilian in the Bush!

QPR target Samba demands move

2012-01-16T17:42:00.004Z

So Samba has officially requested a transfer. That will cost him a slice of the transfer fee, but with his eyes set firmly on PSG, that won't trouble him too much as they have the money to give him a big golden handshake and a tasty salary into the bargain.

QPR fans will be hoping that the Hoops might yet plunder Samba from the team that sit one place above them in the table, but that seems unlikely on a number of counts. Firstly Samba has his heart set on a switch to Paris, secondly Spurs urgently need a centre half and offer much better career progression than relegation threatened Rangers, and thirdly, Blackburn will almost certainly refuse to sell their captain to prime relegation rivals. You just wouldn't do it would you?

Alex, of course, has also submitted a transfer request but that deal doesn't seem to have edged any closer to completion today. He is keen to leave Chelsea but not so keen, it seems, on joining Rangers.

Or maybe Fernandes is still refusing to offer the £4m Chelsea are looking for. In which case, he is buggering the gRs around. If he can't find £4m to fund a replacement for Gabbidon, you have to wonder at his commitment or genuine wealth. I'm not suggesting that he is poor here, but he may not be rich enough to chuck money down the toilet!

Write Down of Boleyn's Value

2012-01-16T16:50:00.002Z

So we are still issuing accounts - not that they have proved to be terribly reliable in the past. For the layman, there is a veritable tangle of figures, some suggesting that things have improved financially, whilst others paint the opposite picture. Of course, the picture will only be clarified at the end of the season. If we remain in the Championship, there could be real trouble. If we have bounced straight back up, the "holiday" may have proved an astute way of forcing cost reductions.

What stands out for me as interesting is the way the value of the stadium and training ground have been written down from £75.6m to £73m. I expect this write down to continue all the way up to the move to the Olympic Stadium as I still believe this is where Sullivan and Gold expect to make their killing. How much are they valuing the Boleyn at exactly? And how much will it be worth when redeveloped?

We will probably only find that out when it is too late.

Swansea and Norwich show QPR the way!

2012-01-15T18:55:00.002Z

You have to admire the Welsh and Norfolk minnows. Norwich's result at West Brom was impressive but Swansea's victory over Arsenal, after going a goal behind, was nothing short of fantastic. Who, outside of Wales, would have had money on the Swans beating the Gunners after giving them a goal start? The Game really is going crazy!

Glance at the table now and it is becoming increasingly difficult to see how either of the unfancied new boys can go down. Delia's dishes only need to find 10 more points to survive, and Swansea only need another 12. Meanwhile, last season's Champions of the Championship find themselves in the bottom three and deep in shit despite Fernandes' big talk about a new stadium, new players and a new training ground.

Talk big and you talk bollocks. When you are new to the Prem, the sensible thing to do is to avoid the limelight, to talk up the opposition and talk down your own chances publicly, whilst privately making your own players feel ten feet tall. QPR have done the opposite. Why fight for the club if the club is suggesting you are not really wanted and will be replaced at the first opportunity? Warnock would have done it differently, he would have developed a siege mentality, a David against the Goliaths ethos, but Fernandes wanted to play Billy Big Bollocks, just like Eggert did at West Ham, and so prickled the opposition, whilst leaving his own players looking over their shoulders anxiously.

Imagine how the heroes of last season felt when Barton and Wright-Phillips walked in on five times their salary. How can you foster a sense of team spirit when the newbies can buy a Porsche every week if they want to, whilst those who have battled to get the club into the Prem still operate on Championship wages and a bit?

To be fair, QPR were unlucky today, hitting the post twice before Newcastle scored but the Hughes bubble has been pricked already. Fail to beat Wigan and the bubble will be burst well and truly!

Relegation is now down to three from five in my opinion, although there is usually a team whose form collapses in the final third of the season. The trouble is, QPR are in a terrible trough of form, and they face a nightmare run of fixtures at the very time when relegation is decided. Even if there is money to spend, who will want to join the Hoops whilst they are in the bottom three?

Norwich and Swansea have been so much smarter than QPR - and whilst their fans have recognised the battle involved in staying in the Prem, the Cocky Rs have boasted for far too long about money bags Mittal and megamouth Fernandes.

Talk is cheap guys. As Norwich and Swansea are proving, in the Premiership, it's points that count!

What our subs bench tells us!

2012-01-15T17:56:00.001Z

Faye, O'Neil, Baldock, Lansbury and Carew - all five would walk into the first team of 18 or 19 of the 24 teams in the Championship. Add to that lot Taylor, who was injured, and Demel too, and you have to concede that whilst utterly ill equipped to cope with the Prem, we have a pool of players who, with minimal guidance, should be able to walk their way to promotion.

But the strange one was the decision to start the game without a keeper on the bench. I know injuries to keepers are rare, but they do happen, and surely a replacement goalie was a more sensible alternative to either a second striker or a second midfielder.

So what does that tell us? That Allardyce has no confidence in Boffin perhaps? Remember when you lot fell over yourselves to hail him a genius after his first appearance for the club - after I was critical of his all round performance?

Here's two of the replies to my original verdict on Ruud:

Anonymous said...

Once again a pathetic attempt to court controversy - widely accepted as a great save, in the top three premiership saves of the week on Yahoo. Rather than enjoy it you shoot it (as per usual with anything positive about the club), down in flames. He is forth choice because he is 23, which in case you don't know is incredibly young for a keeper.Quote from a right wing rag that I am sure you subscribe to, the Daily Mail:
"Boffin was unlucky not to mark his debut with a clean sheet";

and from the Org's Wrongy:

Fanny, have u ever played a high level competative (sic) 11 a side game? Have u ever been a goalkeeper? It's very easy to blog when you have no experience in actual football, and i am not talking about your 5 a side on a wednesday (sic) night with the cronies followed by a ruby? Are you a GK boffin? If not, how can u ever try and comment on a new keeper to the Prem???

Check out the original post by following this link:

http://thegamesgonecrazy.blogspot.com/2010/12/where-are-all-goalkeeping-boffins.html

Maeda in Japan

2012-01-15T16:41:00.002Z

So we have decided against Maeda then. There's a surprise, a player from the J League is not good enough to play in the Championship. Sullivan and Gold must be so disappointed that another cheap option hasn't satisfied Allardyce. Not tall enough apparently.

The search goes on. How about Thailand? Or Singapore? Or China? Hong Kong? Lots of cheap rubbish made in Hong Kong...

QPR Official Supporters Club Unveils New Logo

2012-01-15T12:43:00.003Z

Daily Mail Taunts West Ham Fans

2012-01-15T12:31:00.001Z

So it seems the story that Piquionne had signed for Wolves was all rubbish. Like a boomerang, bad rubbish comes back, even when you fly tip it on the forecourt of a Premiership club and say good riddance.

Still, he may yet explode in a rush of goals. He may have been warming up over the last 18 months. Who knows, he may be Hammer of the Year come the end of the season. And how happy would we be then that the Mail was taking the piss out of us? He who laughs last laughs longest and all that. And hyenas laugh longer over a cadaver than wolves!

Beard lets the cat out of the QPR bag.

2012-01-15T12:16:00.002Z

Responding to suggestions that Barton may be on his way out, Beard - who is suddenly the club's mouthpiece with Fernandes fading into the background - said: "We are not a selling club. We're in the market to buy ONE or TWO players. We're talking to several clubs about options, so I'm cautiously optimistic that we can strengthen the squad."

Oops. So how does that fit with newspaper claims about five or six players coming in, and suggestions that there is a transfer war chest of somewhere between £15m and £30m? QPR haven't even matched Chelsea's £4m asking price for Alex yet. I have said that Rs fans will be lucky if £5m is shelled out this window and with Fulham terming the offer for Johnson derisory and rumours of a £3m offer for Pienaar rejected, it may be that I am a million out, given £3m was offered for Alex.

Note the words "cautiously optimistic". Beard is talking down expectations, pouring luke warm water on the fires fuelled by Fernandes. That's why the Malaysian has suddenly lost his voice. And gRs might note that he has already hinted that he may walk away from the club, when he tweeted that he would go if the club failed.

Worrying times if you are a gR. The blue and white hooped ship has hit the rocks, are in the bottom three and are listing badly. Captain Barton is even rumoured to be abandoning the ship early. Still Newcastle field a weakened team today and there is a big six pointer coming up against Wigan. It's a shame the new signings aren't already in the team isn't it?

QPR News: Warnock explains disastrous start to new career

2012-01-15T11:32:00.002Z

After piloting the Costa Lotta onto rocks, former QPR manager Neil Warnock raged: "Those rocks were a mile offside. I'm not having that, I'm not having that at all. People will turn around and say this was my fault. I could lose my job over this. But if you can't defend against set pieces - and let's face it, rocks are not in open play - what chance do you stand?"

He continued: "People forget what I'd done up until that point. When I took over, the high seas were just a dream. We were in port. I steered us out of port. I steered us through choppy waters. I got us to where we were and you have to admit that hitting those rocks was unlucky. It could happen to anybody. All I need is more time. I have the backing of the owners. The owners have been brilliant so far. And the crew are behind me. And the passengers love me. And..."

Allardyce in for Doncaster's Billy Sharp and El Hadji Diouf

2012-01-14T23:23:00.002Z

With the Rhodes bid coming to a dead end and Sharp rejecting Leicester, expect Allardyce to swoop for Billy Boy and to take Hell Hadji too, now the spitting demon has achieved full match fitness with Doncaster.

Sharp will offer the promise of goals and is available at a price that will enable Allardyce to offload him in the summer after promotion is achieved. Diouf, meanwhile, has yet to sign for Doncaster and would jump at the chance of a contract until the end of the season and the opportunity to prove himself worthy of an extended deal, and another stab at the Premiership; and he would provide an attacking alternative to Taylor for the left flank.

The purists won't like it, but Doctor Evil won't care about that! Both Sharp and Diouf will suit his pragmatic agenda perfectly, and leave him with money to spare to add a younger, more exciting striker if one can be sourced.

It's all going PEARson shaped at Leicester!

2012-01-14T23:00:00.001Z

Oh dear, what a shame. After sacking Sven and poaching Pearson, it's all gone tits up in the Walkers Stadium, with Leicester now a full FIFTEEN points adrift of an automatic promotion place. It is now one win in eight games, and Leicester fans must be looking back on the Sven era wistfully.

What flavour Walkers crisps could we invent to sum up this season of misery? Smörgåsbord and Pear? Shit and Shitter? Fox and Trash?

I admit I was worried after the victory at Selhurst Park. Surely this was the start of the Leicester promotion charge! Then along came Barnsley! Listen to Pearson and you would have no idea that Leicester started the season as favourites to win the division as he lamented "They were better than us and that maybe shows us where we are as a club."

Well yes it does. Leicester are now in FIFTEENTH place, closer in points to the bottom three than to the top two. That is a shocking indictment. Tigers fans could be laughing all the way to the playoffs!

Allardyce's Tactics Explained!

2012-01-14T21:39:00.002Z

All is explained! Those of us wondering why we were not more positive after the sending off now have our answer. Quoted on the Official Site, Doctor Evil explains, "Then, of course, the game changed completely when WE went down to ten men".

So, there you have it, poor Sam was confused! He thought WE were a man short! It's probably because Nolan was absent without leave on the pitch again. Allardyce saw the red card, then counted the West Ham players trying to get on the ball and put in challenges and could only count ten!

I understand where he was coming from. Against Reading, I couldn't remember who our tenth player was after the sending off of O'Brien. It was only when Nolan touched the ball ten minutes later that I remembered he was on the pitch!

I take back all my criticism. Allardyce set out his stall as if we were a man short; so that explains everything!

QPR sink into bottom 3 under Hughes!

2012-01-14T19:53:00.002Z

Bring back Warnock! Sack him and what happens? QPR slip into the bottom three for the first time since the opening day thumping against relegation rivals Bolton Walkabouts.

The gRs will tell us that it will all be OK when Tevez, Alex, Johnson, Pienaar, Samba and co join, but who will believe in the Fernandes revolution when the Hoops are in the bottom three, up to their noses in the Bush?

This morning gRs were telling me that Alex had already signed, but now it transpires that Fernandes still hasn't matched Chelsea's modest asking price for the much needed centre back. Why for pity's sake? QPR's situation is desperate and AVB is just as desperate to off load the moody Brazilian. So if Fernandes has so much money and is so committed to keeping QPR up, why is he quibbling over the odd million? Surely it would have been better to meet the asking price on Wednesday, complete the signing and have Alex in the team at Newcastle on Sunday?

And doesn't the same apply to Johnson? Again, why did Fulham term the figure offered "derisory"? So derisory in fact that Jol said he would rather give away the former Toffee at the end of the season than part with him at the figure QPR were offering!

But Fernandes is ready to splash the cash isn't he? QPR are a big club now aren't they? So what the hell is going on?

You tell me gRs. Ever since I started flagging that Fernandes was not all he was claiming to be, you guys have been calling me an idiot. I have said I will admit to being wrong if anything more than £5m and moths comes out of the Malaysian's wallet before the end of January, but thus far, all we have heard is intent - and intent means nothing if nothing materialises.

But why would Hughes take the job if there isn't a transfer war chest? Well it's his way back into management and he can always walk away in May claiming Fernandes did not keep his promises. What did he say when he walked out on Fulham?

Portsmouth 0 West Ham 1 - 3 points but another utterly uninspired performance

2012-01-14T19:18:00.001Z

We are joint top! It's another three points! Allardyce is a genius!

Alternatively, our only goal was from the penalty spot, Portsmouth played most of the second half with 10 men, and the shots on goal count stood at 9 to 2 in Portsmouth's favour over the 90 minutes - and one of our 2 was from the penalty spot! Overall, Portsmouth had 13 shots to our 10 and 7 corners to our 3. What does that tell you?

Once again we were somewhere between mediocre and dire when we had the ball. But is that surprising when you start with one man up front and have a midfield of Diop, Noble, Nolan, Collison and Faubert? Even against 10 very average Pompey players, how is that midfield going to open up an opposition? And with Cole up front, is it any surprise that the team, once again, and for the eighth game in succession, failed to score more than a single goal in a game?

Some on here are already crowing about the victory and claiming this result vindicates Allardyce and puts us back on course. Cobblers! Southampton showed what you should do when you are a goal ahead and the opposition go down to 10 men, you step up your game and bang in another two. But not Allardyce. He keeps it compact, plays for the 1-0 and betrays everything our club has ever stood for in the process.

What a waste of money travelling to Pompey to watch that! True I didn't get a parking ticket like I got at Reading and true it felt better to drive home with 3 points in the bag, rather than after a 3 goal tonking, but apart from that, dear God, it was dire. True we passed the ball on the floor better than Pompey even when they had 11 players on the pitch, but where is the flair? Where is the inspiration? Where is the imagination? Where is the pace? Where is the joy, the entertainment, the sense of adventure?

What a relief that Allardyce has signed a defensive lump on loan, that's just what this team is crying out for! To hell with scoring goals, if we can keep the opposition down to a goal or less, we will collect more points than we lose. And that's it. That's what West Ham United has been debased to. It is pitiful, embarrassing, shameful. And for one, I would rather be in the chasing pack playing FOOTBALL than in the top 2 stopping opponents from playing. One Nil to the Claret and Blue is not a chant I want adopted!

So yes we won against 10 man Portsmouth. Big bloody deal. And yes we are joint top of a piss poor division. Big bloody deal. If anybody is excited by today's performance, then they have no sense of what our club stands for, no sense of our heritage, no understanding of the philosophy of Greenwood and Lyall.

So glory in the three points, glory in mediocrity, glory in a betrayal of values, glory in becoming West Ham Wanderers. But don't expect me to trumpet us after a 1-0 victory against 10 mediocre players. The problems persist despite today's victory.

Player Ratings: Green 6, O'Brien 6, Tomkins 6, Reid 6, McCartney 6, Diop 6, Noble 6, Collison 6, Nolan 6, Faubert 6, Cole 6 Yawn!

No Excuses Today at Portsmouth - But the OS is making them!

2012-01-14T13:03:00.001Z

So, Allardyce almost has a full squad to choose from for the game at Portsmouth. Only Taylor and Demel are ruled out by injury, and all the key players should be fresh after a two week break. If we don't win today, the Allardyce bubble will be well and truly burst. He has a squad of 20 players, most of whom have experience in the Prem, and many of whom Doctor Evil brought to the club. Anything less than a victory will be a kick in the solar plexus of Allardyce's reputation.

But the OS is making excuses already, warning us all that Pompey are on a "fantastic run of form at home" with five wins and two draws. But check out who they have beaten on that run! The might of Barnsley, Doncaster, Forest, Coventry and Watford! Big bloody deal! The two draws, to be fair, were against Southampton and Leicester, but neither have been setting the world on fire of late have they?

This is a big, big game. Another disappointing performance will set the seal on our demise. We are struggling and the pack are closing up, even though they are all no better than average. It's time for Allardyce to prove himself. We need to win today. He has a big squad to pick from. If he hasn't got a replacement for Taylor, that's his fault - he's had more than enough time to source one. So, let's see if Allardyce is all he reckons himself to be, or if he is just another Avram, but with a tad more belligerence.

Wolves baying as Piquionne targets third consecutive relegation!

2012-01-14T10:11:00.003Z

Is it true? The Daily Mail, in a very short report, have announced that Freddie the Fly Tipper has been dumped in Wolverhampton. Apparently, Allardyce pulled up in the middle of the night, opened his boot, and left a rolled up carpet at the gates of Molineux, with Freddie thinking about kicking inside.

Wolves fans are understandably concerned. Piquionne has led the attack for two relegations on the trot now, and with Wolves sitting just above the drop, must stand a good chance of making it a hat-trick of consecutive relegations from the Premiership - surely a record!

Still, Freddie should fit in perfectly in Wolverhampton. The whole place is a dump so he can leave his refuse where ever he fancies without any risk of prosecution.

Only Fools...

2012-01-13T23:58:00.001Z

Dear God, could they look any more like Del Boy, Uncle Albert and Marlene in that picture? Olympic Stadium? Menage a trois! Lovely jubbly! He who dares wins! This time next year we'll be billionaires! Mange toute. Mange toute.

Note the way they are getting a feel for the astroturf guys!

QPR Pienaared off and running out of options.

2012-01-13T20:22:00.001Z

Another day, another fruitless bid. Yesterday it was Samba, today Pienaar, tomorrow Alex. Not surprisingly, players are reluctant to join QPR in 17th place in the Premiership, and clubs are not happy to deal on the basis of QPR signing now and paying later.

The latest rumour centres are Muntari who, it seems, may join the Hoops on loan. It's not exactly Tevez, but he could do a job, if there is any truth in the rumour. And, of course, there wouldn't be a transfer fee involved!

Rs fans are feeding off of the excitement of window shopping at the moment. We could have a Pienaar, an Alex, a Samba and a Tevez. Well we can all dream as we walk around a Porshe showroom can't we? But when it comes to having the funds...well that's another matter.

Mind you Beard did say to expect nothing to happen for a couple of weeks, so who knows? The trouble is, with clubs obliged to operate with maximum squad sizes of 25, there aren't a lot of surplus players sloshing around. Even the deal to sign the distinctly average Onuoha looks to be on hold due to the suspension of Kompany.

And that's why 'Arry won't let Pienaar go - he knows that qualification for the Champions League is worth far more than QPR can afford to play for the former Toffee. 'Arry may only have started the South African 5 times so far, but that doesn't mean he won't get more game time before the season ends as key matches come thick and fast just as muscles and joints begin to ache.

Of course, the situation is complicated by the Africa Cup of Nations. A huge chunk of players are both off the market and out of the reckoning for selection, making clubs even more reluctant to trim their squads still further.

All of which means that Fernandes can show intent without much chance of having to sign a cheque. But window shopping can be fun, can't it?

No Taylor, No Left Flank

2012-01-13T19:39:00.001Z

So Allardyce has signed a big lump for the back, and is offering to buy any striker with more than five goals to his name, but the most glaring hole in the team is still being ignored. When Taylor is fit we have balance on the left but when he is injured - and when isn't he? - who do we have to play there? Answer: nobody.

It is a ridiculous situation but nothing is being done about it.

So who plays wide left at Portsmouth? Probably Baldock and that is a ridiculous waste of the boy's ability. Get your finger out Allardyce!

QPR PSG IN THE WIND IN TRANSFER MARKET

2012-01-12T22:09:00.001Z

Well Samba wants to get the hell out of Blackburn, but strangely he doesn't seem keen on joining QPR. In fact, he doesn't even seem keen on joining Tottenham. Instead, the great Blackburn lump has his eyes on Paris, openly inviting a bid from PSG.

Fernandes can offer £15m in the certain knowledge that the offer will not be accepted. Why would Samba get out of the frying pan, only to jump into the fire? And why would Blackburn sell to a rival battling against relegation? No chance.

Bridge is a much more realistic target, but he is crap and a transfer fee won't be involved anyway. Beard has said Rs fans will have to wait for the end of the window, but Unreal City would let Bridge leave tomorrow, so why the delay? QPR's need is urgent. Every point counts. And believe me, Bridge needs a couple of weeks to get match fit. Throw him in straight away and he will cost you three goals in his debut game.

So what about Alex? It wouldn't involve a huge fee but would Alex really entertain such a huge step down? I would be amazed if he didn't end up in Spain, or maybe at Tottenham or Newcastle, both of whom need a commanding centre back. Alex looks right up 'Arry's street to me!

So who will QPR buy? If anybody?

Allardyce confirms his priorities as John signs.

2012-01-12T18:32:00.001Z

So there you have it, straight from the horse's mouth. Confirming why he signed George John, an uncapped American defender - and even Spector has 31 caps for the Not Stars and Stripes remember and is only a year older - Doctor Evil explained that he is a defender who has "the right stature and the right ability and the right ambition who sees his future in this country".

In other words, he is a big bastard who isn't totally hopeless and who was available on the cheap. Who next? Well there's a not so nippy Jap who fancies putting the maximum distance between himself and a leaking nuclear reactor apparently. If he signs Allardyce will tell us, "He's a forward, he's big for a Jap, and he hasn't got two heads...yet."

No News Is Bad News

2012-01-11T17:26:00.002Z

Another day ticks by, and still we await the first signing. We had a fortnight between the Coventry game and the Pompey match to recruit new players, and that is now down to just two days. So, there will be no new striker to bang in the goals and no new winger to supply the ammunition, obviously.

So how does Allardyce expect to improve things exactly? Seven consecutive games have yielded a return of one goal or less and Pompey are a better side than Coventry and Sheffield Wednesday! So what new solution can we expect? How is this stuttering team going to be transformed without reinforcements? Baldock's confidence is going to be rock bottom after missing that penalty and Cole is very unlikely to score more than once in any single game. Nolan could score, but who else? The team screams out clean sheets - but at the wrong bloody end!

If Rhodes aint coming, sod it, buy somebody else. And fast. And talking fast, for the life of me I can't believe it is so difficult to identify a pacey winger with the ability to cross the ball on the run. I watched the highlights of the Posh v Sunderland game and although Ferguson's team lost, it was refreshing to see players running with the ball and leaving Premiership players in their wake. Time and again, on the Football League Show, I see no mark players skinning Championship defenders, yet we can't seem to find anybody to play on either flank. It is beyond a bloody joke!

A much greater sense of urgency is needed. Points won and lost in January will determine promotion and waiting to the last minute before we sign anybody is crassly stupid. Of the teams at the top, we have the most difficult game this weekend but there seems to be no hurry to address a situation that is bordering on a crisis. What price Doctor Evil dusting down the same old excuse on Saturday? "Failure to take our chances cost us." Oh yeah, well do something about it you dozy arse!

QPR and Mark Hughes - Makes sense on paper.

2012-01-10T19:15:00.002Z

So Fernandes, to give him his due, has acted quickly and decisively. With poor old Warnock clearly floundering, the Malaysian hasn't buggered around, he's simply got rid and recruited the best guy currently available as a replacement. Hughes has been there and got the t shirt, so looks like a safe pair of hands.

The trouble is, Hughes does not have a magic wand and the QPR squad is anorexic thin. Unless Fernandes is willing to give Sparky mega bucks, it is likely to be a long haul to avoid the drop given the paucity of talent in the Hoops dressing room. The injury to Faurlin - rumoured to be out for the season - is devastating, whilst the relationship with Barton is likely to be tense at best. Warnock had to pander to the tweeting twat, having brought him to the club; Hughes, on the other hand, has to stamp his authority on the club and will not stand for any of Barton's nonsense. Expect a twattering ban to spark the first battle between the two and don't be surprised if Barton is out of the door before the end of the month.

All the transfer speculation at the moment centres on defenders, but will Wayne Bridge really make any difference? He was bloody ordinary in a West Ham shirt last season and another half season in the stiffs will have done nothing to sharpen up his performances. Samba is a target, but if Tottenham's interest is genuine, then surely he will end up at White Hart Lane - if Blackburn are willing to sell. Tell me, why would Blackburn contemplate selling their captain to a rival in the battle to avoid the drop? Meanwhile, it is the failure to score enough goals at home that is the real cause of QPR's struggles.

QPR will be thanking their lucky stars that Newcastle will be without Ba for the weekend fixture but the match still represents a difficult opener for Hughes, especially with Faurlin and Barton both ruled out. A heavy defeat could puncture the Sparky bubble first game up, and the hoped for O'Neil style effect may then never materialise. The Hughes nightmare would see Blackburn beat Fulham on Saturday, sucking the Hoops into the bottom three, followed by a three goal thumping at the hands of the Barcodes, anchoring the Rs to a relegation spot. It could prove an uphill battle from there!

Yannick Sagbo, Ryoichi Maeda, George John...

2012-01-10T17:03:00.001Z

...we will be renamed West Ham All Stars before you know it! How good are these players? Well worryingly Allardyce has no idea. As he admitted on Radio 5, he doesn't bother to check out players personally, he trusts to his scouts. Whereas Stoke's Tony Pulis insists on seeing a player perform live before he offers for him, Doctor Evil is happy to trust to reports and video tapes.

All those that claim you can only judge a team's performance by attending a game should note that Allardyce thinks it is perfectly possible to decide on whether to invest millions on a player purely on the basis of a scout's report and seeing him on TV or YouTube.

It looks to me as if he is signing a motley crew on the cheap with little or no idea as to their ability to perform in the Championship, never mind the Premier League should we be promoted. And despite being linked with an assortment of Done Nothings, none offer width or creativity, the key ingredients lacking at present.

Worrying times.

Boy George or John Boy? He's signed short term anyway!

2012-01-09T21:41:00.001Z

So, Allardyce has added to the squad at last. Is he John George, George John, Boy George, John Boy or John Ringo Paul George? God only knows!

I've never heard of him? Have you? He's big at 6'3, so he is a typical Allardyce player, but that's just about any of us know at the moment. Not one to set the pulses racing or to sell replica shirts by the thousands for certain!

Still, he's on loan which presumably means Doctor Evil can spend more on Rhodes. We will see.

Fat Frank Coming Home

2012-01-09T17:51:00.001Z

Pigs might fly! Well Frank might fly then! But he sure as hell won't be heading back to Upton Park as one ridiculous report on the net suggests.

There's as much chance of Gordon Brown being welcomed back as leader of the Labour Party or of Steve McClaren being reappointed manager of England or of Rob Green going to the European Championships as Capello's first choice number one.

Too much blood has passed under the bridge for Lamps to ever return to West Ham. The hatred has been unbridled and bordering on a disgrace. This is a guy who grew up in the West Ham family and served the club superbly until his dad and uncle were sacked. The Parker brigade call Scott a West Ham great based on 126 starts and 12 goals; compare that to Lampard, who despite being a kid, started 170 games and fired home 38 goals.

Lampard is not everybody's barrel of lard but there's no getting away from his record of 518 league games and 148 goals - an amazing return for a midfield player. Add to that 23 international goals in 90 England appearances and only Bobby Moore rates above him as a product of the West Ham Academy.

There was a section of our crowd that hounded him even before his departure. The reception he has been given since he left has been truly contemptible. We are desperate for Noble and Tomkins to cut it at the highest level and forget that Lampard is one of our own and is one of the best of his generation and every other generation too.

But he won't be coming home anytime soon. Would you?

Allardyce comes clean and says "Blame me!"

2012-01-08T22:52:00.002Z

After West Ham's humiliating exit from the FA Cup at Sheffield Wednesday, manager Sam Allardyce has put his hands up and admitted that his tactical limitations are behind West Ham's failure to score more than a single goal in each of the last seven games.

Speaking after the long journey back to London, Allardyce said: "Some managers might seek to make excuses. They might blame the forwards, or the keeper for making a terrible error, or the missed penalty, or Sears for missing a sitter, or claim that it was a difficult match with difficult opposition, but how would that help?"

"The simple fact is that we were playing against a poor team from the third tier of English football managed by a complete clown. Any team I sent out there, if properly prepared, should have won that game comfortably."

"You simply can't keep making the same old excuses. The truth is, the owners backed me and allowed me to build my own squad. I chose to sign Carew and Baldock, our front two today, and it was my decision to sign Lansbury, the creative midfielder in the side."

"So how can I lay the blame at any door other than my own? I have built a one dimensional side, a side lacking width, pace and imagination. That's not the players' fault, or the fault of the owners, that's my fault. We have been rubbish for seven games now and the belief amongst the fans that our poor play, even when winning, was simply down to a question of gelling has been disproved. To be honest, we have only played well in a handful of games all season, the rest of the time we have ridden our luck. And our luck has run out."

"I also made the decision to rest Rob Green and play Boffin today, even though Rob has already had a holiday this season when injured. He didn't need to sit this game out did he? And I knew Boffin wasn't good enough, which is why I signed Almunia on loan when Rob was injured. No, the decision to leave Green on the bench was stupid, crassly stupid, and I've nobody to blame except myself for that."

"So I hold my hands up. West Ham have a great Cup tradition and I have let the fans down, just as I did in the League Cup. I am trying to get things right but I must admit that, tactically, I am at a loss what to do. I know one way to play and that one way, direct, long, down the middle, isn't working. But who knows, if we keep trying, it may all click and we may start scoring again. We have to hope so, don't we?"

QPR Sack Warnock and Target Avram Grant

2012-01-08T19:55:00.002Z

QPR's patience with Neil Warnock has run out and the great motor mouth has been replaced after a disastrous run of games which has seen the Rs collect just one point from the last 21. With relegation fears growing, new owner Tony Fernandes has panicked and sacked the man who led QPR to promotion last season. It is a cruel way to treat one of the game's great controversialists.

Fernandes has yet to announce his preferred candidate, but after leading teams to relegation for two consecutive seasons, whilst operating on a shoestring transfer budget, Avram Grant is thought to be a leading contender for the role. He has, after all, led Chelsea to a Champions League final and that's the sort of future Fernandes envisages for the Hoops - once the little matter of staying in the Prem has been negotiated.

If not Grant, then Mark Hughes may be the man for Fernandes. He didn't do a great job at Fulham and was clearly out of his depth at Man City, but that shouldn't trouble Fernandes. He is a big name and has played football at the highest level so....

....Mind you, Gerry Francis is a former QPR favourite so he might be a popular choice. Or Rodney Marsh. Or Stan Bowles. Or Terry Venables. Or how about Zola?

ELEVEN minutes of injury time and we still can't score!

2012-01-08T17:09:00.001Z

OK, a number of key players were rested from the game, but the situation is now getting desperate. In the last seven games our goal return has been: 1,0,1,1,1,1,0. That isn't a problem, that is a crisis.

We were playing against a Third Division team managed by Gary Megson today for pity's sake! And our opponents in the previous games weren't exactly class outfits were they? Coventry, Derby, Birmingham, Barnsley, Reading and Burnley! Grant's team managed seven goals in two games against two of those opponents.

Allardyce will trot out the excuses again: key players rested, penalty save, missed opportunities, other priorities, blah, blah, blah. But every team has excuses, it's a manager's job to sort out the problems and find a way of winning games. The trouble is, Allardyce only knows one way, and if that way isn't working, he is clueless.

The need for new recruits is obvious for all to see, but are we any closer to bringing somebody in? It doesn't look like it. We went out of the League Cup to Aldershot in the first round and now we have crashed out of the FA Cup to Sheffield Wednesday. That is shameful.

So what difference has Allardyce actually made? None from what I can see, other than make us boring to watch. Grant's side had a 100% record against teams in the Championship and made it through to the semifinal of the League Cup and the quarter final of the FA Cup. Doctor Evil can't hold a torch to that record!

The emperor has no clothes and his cock has shrivelled up in the winter's cold!

Liverpool to wear Downing shirts to show support

2012-01-08T14:52:00.001Z

With the news breaking that Stewart Downing has been arrested for allegedly punching his ex girlfriend in the face in a nightclub at 1 am, manager Kenny Dalglish is no doubt preparing a statement offering 100% support to the player, and arranging for Stewart Downing t-shirts to be printed for the players to wear whilst warming up before the next game.

Why wouldn't he? Why does a bit of violence towards women matter? She no doubt asked for it, just like Evra asked for it from Suarez. In fact, Alex Ferguson probably paid for the girl's entry into the club and gave the Rossers a call to tip them off. And the arresting officers were, no doubt, Liverpool hating Mancs, or Cockney sons of bitches with a deep imbued revulsion for the good people of Merseyside.

It is all a fit up obviously. And the nightclub had design faults and wasn't fit to host the event. And anyway, the punch wasn't a punch, it was a slap, and culturally slaps in Middlesbrough, where Downing was born, do not mean the same thing as in the rest of the United Kingdom, a slap is in fact an expression of affection. Meet somebody in Smoggy Land and you slap them as a friendly greeting!

Downing is innocent even if he did punch the girl, and I am sure he can rely on Liverpool FC and the club's supporters to back him to the hilt. Let's face it, nobody in Liverpool is ever guilty of anything, are they?

Allardyce Picks Team To Win!

2012-01-08T14:27:00.004Z

Interesting. Doctor Evil seems to be trying to win the game whilst not risking his blue chip players. Green, Tomkins (both subs), Nolan, Cole and Noble (nowhere to be seen) are all rested, but O'Neil, Lansbury, Collison, Reid, O'Brien and Baldock all start.

You have a sense that Sears and Carew may be drinking in the last chance saloon and that Ilunga and Piquionne (neither on the bench) have fallen off the stool.

Of the kids, only Potts starts. I would prefer Montenegro to Sears personally, and Nouble to Carew, but at least there are youngsters on the expanded bench. Look at the substitutes today and it shows how stupid the 5 man substitute rule is in the Championship. How many times might promising kids have come off the bench if allowed the opportunity to do so?

FA Cup Third Round - Who Cares?

2012-01-08T14:14:00.002Z

St Andrews was half full yesterday for a game between Birmingham and hated rivals Wolves - and that says it all. Man Utd and Man City are scrapping for bragging rights today but both managers would happily trade a place in the FA Cup for 6 points against their gobby neighbours in the Prem.

What sort of team will Allardyce pick today and do any of us care that much about the result? An early exit might do us a favour, to be honest, providing morale is not dented too badly. I hope the kids feature and that we look scintillating obviously - but if the likes of Ilunga and Carew play, and we lose, so what?

It's a crying shame but the magic of the Cup has been reduced to an end of the pier show. How many of us bothered to watch the Final last year? I didn't even know it was being played!

Montenegro in Squad!

2012-01-08T13:49:00.002Z

At last!

Will we get to see if this boy has what it takes at last? I hope so!

Good job Suarez isn't in the opposition team or he could end up in all sorts of trouble should MonteNEGRO play!

QPR's Warnock Seeks Replay Of Norwich Game

2012-01-07T23:04:00.001Z

After studying tapes of the Norwich game, the QPR manager Neil Warnock has identified a guy wearing a grey suit with a blue shirt and wearing a hat in the Norwich section of the crowd. At one point, the mystery man is clearly seen to shout something at the assistant referee, who shortly afterwards indicated to the referee that Joey Barton should be sent off.

"Who is this guy? What was he doing? I knew there was something dodgy!" fumed Warnock. "After watching it on tape, you see him around the same corner as Paul Lambert's team, cheering with them and celebrating. The truth is finally coming out slowly but surely ... if I lost fair and square then fair enough I've lost and I move on, but does it really take several minutes after the incident to know what you've seen?"

Citing the example of the Amir Khan case, the oft victimised QPR manager is demanding that the FA order a rematch. "That defeat could cost me my job" raged Warnock. "And it's not fair, it's just not fair!"

Leicester's £1.85m for Doncaster's Sharp is a snip!

2012-01-07T20:49:00.001Z

Reports are suggesting that Leicester are triggering a £1.85m buy out clause for Billy Sharp. If that figure is correct, then it is the bargain of the century.

There were all sorts of rumours about us signing Sharp last weekend - in fact he was supposed to be in London for a medical. Instead he looks like signing for one of our leading rivals.

Typical!

Time for Liverpool to sack Dalglish and the club to resign from the FA Cup

2012-01-07T11:40:00.003Z

So the full consequences of the Suarez affair have now been exposed. When Liverpool players wore their Suarez shirts in support of racism, I called for the club to be expelled from the Premiership. I called the gesture arrogant and dangerous and stated that it put Liverpool on the side of the racists. I also asked if Dalglish would wear that Suarez shirt if a black lad was murdered by white Liverpool racists over the Christmas period.

Well fortunately nobody was murdered in Liverpool, but an Asian lad was murdered just up the road in Manchester - and how wonderfully dignified and generous was the murdered boy's father by the way? Perhaps Dalglish should visit the scene of that murder wearing his Suarez shirt, just to prove that there is no link between the wearing of that shirt and racist offence? He wouldn't dream of doing so would he, because it would be hugely offensive and inappropriate. So, why was it appropriate to wear those shirts on a pitch in front of racist fans and a TV audience of millions?

Events at Anfield last night must put a huge question mark over Dalglish's future at the club. How can Liverpool FC condemn racism - as they must now - whilst leaving King Kenny in charge, given he gave "100% support" for Suarez who has been found guilty of racism? The wearing of those Suarez shirts was an even bigger error of judgement than the buying of Carroll for £35m.

Liverpool shouldn't have to sack Dalglish, if he has a decent bone in his body he will resign. And meanwhile Liverpool should resign their place in the FA Cup to prove to their fans, and the world of football, that they genuinely want to Kick Racism out of Football.

To all the Scousers mouthing off in the comments below, I carry this addendum, courtesy of CNN:

(CNN) -- The head of a football anti-racism group has called for the English Football Association to charge Liverpool with bringing the game into disrepute over the club's response to Luis Suarez's eight-match ban for using racist language at Patrice Evra.

On the day that Suarez issued a brief apology over the incident, Piara Powar, executive director of European football's anti-discrimination body FARE, spoke of his disappointment at Liverpool manager Kenny Dalglish's attitude to the suspension.

"Kenny Dalglish's comments over the affair have been undignified and their reaction has damaged the club's brand across the world," Powar told the Professional Footballers' Association's official website.

Suarez gave 'unreliable' evidence

"This is a lack of respect for the governing body by Liverpool and the FA should charge them and manager Kenny Dalglish."

Powar continued: "Liverpool have been too keen to support their man and in doing so have whipped up a sense of paranoia amongst their fans."

"For the club to be so aggressively militate against what looks to most people a considered judgment from the English FA leads to a potential for anarchy."

The comments came after Suarez issued a brief apology on the official Liverpool website, saying: "I admitted to the FA commission that I said a word in Spanish once and only once."

"I told the panel members that I will not use it again on a football pitch in England. I never, ever used this word in a derogatory way and if it offends anyone then I want to apologize for that."

Suarez pointedly did not apologize to Evra, or mention the Manchester United defender in his statement, prompting Lord Ouseley, the chairman of British football's anti-racism group Kick It Out, to call the apology "lamentable."

"Suarez's attempt at a belated apology is nothing short of lamentable," Ouseley told the Guardian newspaper.

"I cannot believe that a club of Liverpool's stature, and with how it has previously led on matters of social injustice and inequality, can allow its integrity and credibility to be debased by such crass and ill-considered responses."

Although Liverpool decided not to appeal against Suarez's suspension, Dalglish has publicly expressed his disappointment over the ruling and questioned the FA's reasoning for its ruling.

Suarez's Liverpool teammates also courted controversy before it was announced, publicly supporting the Uruguay striker by wearing t-shirts bearing his name prior to the match against Wigan.

http://edition.cnn.com/2012/01/05/sport/football/football-racism-suarez-liverpool/index.html?hpt=isp_bn1

QPR or Spurs? What a dilemma!

2012-01-06T17:04:00.002Z

Just imagine the dilemma. You are playing for Blackburn and you learn that Spurs and QPR both want to buy you. What do you do? Stay with Blackburn and face almost certain relegation? Of course not! Not when you can jump ship and have a choice between Spurs and QPR. But how could you choose between the two?

I mean, there's Spurs, third from top of the Prem and on the shoulder of Man Utd, with a game in hand, or there's QPR! There's Harry Redknapp or there's soon to be sacked Neil Warnock! There's gates of 36,000 or gates of 18,000! There's the opportunity to play alongside Modric, Bale and Van der Vaart, or the chance to play alongside Barton, Gabbidon and Taraabt. It's a quandary isn't it?

Fernandes is still reeling from his failure to land Scott Parker after making a £5m bid in August. Why would Parker make such a perverse decision? How could anybody opt for a club with Tottenham's history over the might of QPR? Utterly illogical!

But lightening can't strike twice surely? Or three times? QPR and Spurs both want Samba and Hoillet, proving that Fernandes is splashing the cash after all. It wouldn't be his fault if both players, like Parker, opted for Spurs instead would it? He would still be adored by Rangers fans for his brave attempt to capture both players regardless!

Let's see how this unfolds shall we? If Samba and Hoillet see sense and put their necks in the Rangers Hoops, they could be playing in the Championship next season instead of the Champions League. No contest really is there?

West Ham add international defender with Prem experience to squad

2012-01-06T16:25:00.004Z

Don't get excited, its Herita Ilunga shuffling back to Upton Park after his stroll in Doncaster!

But amazingly, Rovers want him back again! Why? I've kept an eye on Donny since Rita joined them and I've seen how often they have conceded because the guy is AWOL from his left back berth. If I was Doncaster, I would sue West Ham under the Trades Descriptions Act for calling the guy a full back. No hang on, for calling him a footballer!

Will we play him against Sheffield Wednesday simply to cup tie him? Sods Law says he would pull up lame and Doncaster wouldn't then fund £2,000 a week of his £20,000 a week salary for the rest of the season.

Is he off to the Africa Cup of Nations? Who cares?

Just so long as he isn't wearing Claret & Blue!

Allardyce Signs Up Budweiser After Rejection From Carlsberg

2012-01-05T22:15:00.002Z

Allardyce is branching out in all directions! He has a role in a film and is now featuring in a Budweiser ad. However, Doctor Evil's hopes of fronting a Carlsberg advertising campaign were frustrated when the proposed slogan of "If Carlsberg did football tactics...they would be nothing like this!" was considered a non starter!

QPR News: Fernandes Refuses Warnock Transfer Funds

2012-01-05T21:42:00.001Z

Well there's a surprise! The Mail are reporting that Tony Fernandes has suddenly got cold feet and is telling Warnock to target loan signings rather than spend any of his cash.

The threat of relegation is getting to the big gobbed Malaysian. Just as I predicted, he is proving to be all mouth and trousers. What a shock!

Poor gRs will insult me again, but instead they should wake up and smell the Malaysian bullshit. I have warned all along that this guy is not to be trusted and highlighted how little money was actually spent in August. Time will reveal all, but I said from the very beginning that there was probably some sort of dodgy Formula 1 deal between Fernandes and Ecclestone with the best interests of QPR at the very bottom of the priority list.

Rangers fans won't acknowledge this but all along I have been concerned for a decent little club who, in the 1970s, won my heart playing a wonderful brand of attacking football. Fernandes is shafting you guys!

The West Ham Dialectic - Try Kick and Run and to Hell with it!

2012-01-05T18:44:00.001Z

(Article submitted by Kevin in Manchester)
‘Men make their own history, but they do not make it as they please; they do not make it under self-selected circumstances, but under circumstances existing already, given and transmitted from the past’. Karl Marx.

In a tempestuous decade we have found ourselves tossed between despair and fragile hope – relegation, play-off misery, promotion, losing FA Cup finalists, Tevez, the great escape, Zola, near bankruptcy, Grant, relegation;- and what now? ‘Fortunes always changing’, or business as usual?

Despite the visionary nature of West Ham United’s founder, Arnold Hills the Victorian philanthropist, industrialist and vegetarian (yes, really), conservatism and paternalism have been the prevailing philosophies at the club but for two brief periods- one glorious; one disastrous- I’ll come back on that.

We were late to the professional era by the time we took the plunge in 1900. OK, we were only founded (as Thames Iron Works FC) in 1895; even so it’s no good playing cricket when your rivals are perfecting karate.

The vote to go professional caused the remarkable Hills (look him up in Wikipedia) to walk, effectively ousted by confederates who had worked for him at his ironworks business. No hard feelings though, his parting gift was the purchase of the Boleyn Ground. That was quite enough excitement for the Cearns family who controlled the club for the next ninety years and only relinquished their place on the board in 2006.

We are, I divine, immensely proud of the fact we only employed four managers between 1901 and 1974, which is fine if they were Herbert Chapman, Alf Ramsey, Bob Paisley and Alex Ferguson but the truth is for half a century West Ham’s ambition was the very definition of meek. Two managers (and former players) Syd King and Billy Paynter lasted 50 years between them and little changed.

Despite being located in the most populous part of London (at the time), West Ham was modest when it came to casting its shadow. You have to wonder what happened to all those sixpences and shillings in an era when gates were shared across 60 plus matches a season.

What with the maximum wage, the playing staff would have been better off being paid literally in peanuts and trading them at the commodity exchanges down the road. Precious few transfer fees were paid and the Cearns did not become noticeably stinking rich.

(And on this point let me digress. A former Chief Constable told me that many of the mansions which arc around north and east London were paid for by turnstile operators running a ‘one for the club, one for me’ scam at West Ham, Arsenal and Spurs; if true, and he couldn’t back his claim with either testimony or documents, then it’s possible that’s where the cash ended up.)

I loved Ron Greenwood. He seemed to epitomise everything I liked about the club in my younger years but I realise now he was not the real innovator. That would be Ted Fenton who not only took us into the first division after a 30 year absence but established our academy (before many other teams had such a thing) and encouraged his players to take an interest and their badges in coaching. He was sacked under never explained circumstances in 1961.

Essentially the apogee of our existence thus far, the FA Cup in 1964 and the ECWC the year after, were achieved by a core of seven players who Fenton had nurtured or signed playing a style of football he developed- the fabled West Ham way. But that was that as far as innovation went-ever since we have reverted to type and followed others, just not as well as we needed to if we were to ever become a force in Football.

Think about it; what should happen to a manager with the three world cup winners in his side and a clutch of talented players besides who finished in the lower half of the first division year after year? You really need the equivalent of the reverse ‘Midas Touch’ to bundle an innovator like Ted Fenton out of a club after he lost five games on the bounce but stick with one who cemented our reputation for mediocrity.

And so it goes: Mediocrity, timidity, second to the punch, a failure to understand, still less exploit, football’s transformation from corner shop to superstore in the last quarter century. Like the ‘saddo’, who thinks aping ‘cool’ will make him part of the in-crowd, our second holiday from the clubs true values was a disaster. The joke was truly on us as we grasped around for pale imitations of the likes of Wenger in the dugout and Ambramovich; in boardroom - we got Eggy and Grant.

We are at a very dangerous point in our history. If we fail to go up this season the business side will start to fray in earnest; you think the loss of Tomkins is a disaster; just wait. Ironically matters are so black now perhaps our time honoured tradition of being careful is what is required. I certainly don’t think we are in a position to look down on the likes of Derby, Ipswich and Bristol City and presume that anything less than a 3-0 thumping is a failure. Survival is everything.

Our history is not as remarkable as we like to think; it’s based on a modicum of success and an innovative manager or two in the late 50’s and sixties. Our owners have traditionally moved with all the élan of a Byzantine bureaucracy. Alladyce, Gold nor Sullivan would, in Karl Marx’s words, have self-selected such a sorry set of circumstances nor are they entirely free of the consequences. Something’s got to change if we are to have a sunnier future but ironically I think that can only be achieved by a bit of belligerent pragmatism for now. It ain’t pretty but if it works I’ll happily endure.

QPR's Crisis Deepens

2012-01-05T00:15:00.001Z

Dear God, Bolton have won at Everton! They now sit just one point below QPR who, with just one point from 21, must surely sit rock bottom of the "Current Form" table.

Barton's appeal against his red card has, meanwhile, been treated with contempt by the FA. Any money they now look at his tweets and consider a disrepute charge. It would basically suit the powers that be to drive him out of English football. He has a love affair with PSG apparently and there's not many in England who would be sad to see him don a beret, string some onions round his neck and peddle himself over to Paris - for good!

Meanwhile, Pardew's Newcastle have pounded Man Utd 3-0! Incredible. Fergie's boys have now conceded six in two games. With Man City up next, it could be 12 in three!

Leicester back in the reckoning! Southampton so unlucky!

2012-01-04T19:40:00.002Z

It was not only the Claret & Blue clad Crystal Palace fans who shuddered a little when Leicester won that game in South London. Suddenly a whole host of clubs started looking anxiously over the shoulder, fearful that the Foxes might abandon feeding off scraps from the Championship bins and start a charge for promotion.

Our buffer is 12 points, and that is a hell of a gap to make up in half a season providing we maintain our impetus, but I would have money on Leicester to feature in the play offs now - and who would want to meet them in a dust up on the doorstep of the Prem? If we finished third, I wouldn't pick them as opponents!

Meanwhile anybody just looking at their score in the game against Brighton might imagine that the Saints were thumped - but far from it. God knows how they weren't at least two goals to the good before the sending off. Watch the highlights on the BBC - Southampton played more football in the first half than we managed in the whole of December! Mind you, they caved in once Lambert was dismissed, just as we did when we lost O'Brien at Reading.

So, the battleground is taking shape. How will the loss of Lambert hurt Southampton? Can Leicester now put together the expected winning run? And can we hold our form? The FA Cup is an annoying distraction because the next round of fixtures could tell us a lot. We have the toughest game away to Pompey, Leicester should be too strong for Barnsley, Southampton will be wary at Forest after their weekend victory and long overdue goals whilst Miserableboro will expect to beat Burnley. Still, perhaps Ilunga can help Donny to beat Cardiff! But hang on, he helped Cardiff to beat us!

Campaign to block the sale of Tomkins

2012-01-04T19:04:00.001Z

This is the straw that breaks the camel's back. It is time to make a stand. They are selling the ground, moving us to an athletics stadium and now they may be about to sell Tomkins - to Twattenham!

Come on guys, speak out. Twitter Gold on @DavidGoldWHU and make your feelings clear. If you don't, and Tomkins is sold, you will have no right to complain.

Crash his Twatter account and make him understand that this is a step too far!

Tomkins to Tottenham - Take our soul too!

2012-01-04T16:35:00.001Z

Surely they won't? Surely being the great West Ham fans that they claim to be, Sullivan & Gold wouldn't sell our future England captain to Tottenham Bloody Hotspurs? Would they?

At £8m, the price is just about right, and 'Arry is playing hard ball over Corluka just like he played hardball over Robbie Keane when we wanted him as part of the Parker deal, before Tottenham swapped their focus to Van der Vaart instead. You can bet your life that the wheeler deals are revolving around in 'Arry's 'ead and e's thinking, "They wanted £12m for Parker back then, so even if we pay £8m for the Tomkins lad, we're in effect getting him for nothing, given we got Parker for £4m in the end."

"If only they had listened to that Hammersfan geezer and sold Parker before they were relegated...in fact they might not have been relegated then and so we might not now be in a position to poach Tomkins. Funny the way things shake themselves out and the way West Ham always end up being shafted!"

Will 'Arry let us have Corluka on loan in the end, or will we be given Bassong as a poor second best? We all know about centre backs called Song at West Ham! Or is this all paper talk? Allardyce has said we won't sell Tomkins...unless the price is right of course!

Hang on, I can hear Scotty Duxbury saying something about the days of us doing business with Tottenham being over. Apart from when we have a player Tottenham want to buy of course!

So, can we organise a revolt if Tomkins is sold? Should we launch a Twitter campaign telling Gold that season tickets will not be renewed if this deal is done? Would he take a blind bit of notice? I doubt it, but we could try!

West Ham Calling - The Computer Says No!

2012-01-03T22:50:00.002Z

Poor Doctor Evil must think he is trapped in an episode of Little Britain. Despite shipping out "Andy" Dyer and his carer Lou Gabbidon to QPR, he is trapped in The Computer Says No scene whenever he identifies a player he wants to buy. Kebe? The computer says no. Rhodes. The computer says no. Sharp. The computer says no. Townsend. The computer says no.

You can picture him barging into Sullivan's office and offering the name of his latest target. Sullivan says "Just a minute, I'll check", stands at the foot of the stairs and calls out, "Karren, oh Karren, do we have a nippy winger who scores ten goals a season. No? No we don't I'm afraid. We can get you a slow winger who scores two goals a season if that would be any use? No. What about a fat winger who scores three goals a season? No. Then I'm afraid I can't help you."

Sullivan storms out and bumps into Marjorie Downes who does nothing for his mood by saying "My you're a fat bastard aren't you? Ugly and fat. You're hideous. Horrible to look at." When Allardyce retaliates Marjorie asks, "What was that? No, sorry, I can't understand a word you're saying with your funny Northern accent!"

And I could go on but it is all too much bother trying to remember all the characters.

The point is, buying quality in January is not an easy business. Just ask Liverpool and Chelsea! Or remember back to McBenni, Mido and Ilan!

Our season summed up in one game.

2012-01-03T13:42:00.002Z

Incredible, truly incredible. We sit in second place in the table, on course for automatic promotion courtesy of a single goal victory over Coventry. But we could have been top. Southampton and Middlesbrough played their parts by losing and shipping three goals apiece. Had we taken Coventry apart - as a team third from top playing a team second from bottom should have done - then the goal difference would have seen us top. But we couldn't play our part, we had to rely on others to help us out. And that's our season in a nutshell!

The wheels are off at Southampton big time, but they are still above us in the table. How many opportunities have they given us to overtake them? But time and again we fall short. Imagine the boost had we put four past Coventry and moved above the Saints in the table. The psychological impact on both teams would have been huge. But instead of stamping our authority on Coventry and the division as a whole, we ended the game clinging on, conceding corner after corner and doing our level best to help our goal shy opponents to score. Statistically we dominated the game, but Murphy's "brilliant" performance amounted to two very good saves and a whole load of routine stuff otherwise.

Allardyce keeps blaming the forwards but how many clear cut chances do we create? If you encourage "hit and hope" shooting, the completion rate isn't going to be great, and the majority of our attempts are speculative rather than genuine chances. The best forwards only score one goal for every three genuine attempts. The conversion rate for half chances is much lower. How many genuine chances did we create on Saturday? Three? Four? So the one goal return is not really a great surprise on that basis. Ask yourself, how many times have you got out of your seat in expectation of us scoring this season? Actually the goal return is pretty good when that is taken into account.

Look back at the Birmingham game. Faubert missed two, but you wouldn't expect Faubert to score with headers would you? Cole forced a brilliant save. Nolan narrowly failed to connect on a cross. Can you think of any other clear cut chances in the whole game? Did Myhill make another save of note? I can't remember one.

At Reading Piquionne was clean through but his finish was tame. And apart from that? We had a shot cleared off the line but those two moments apart, my arse could have been super glued to my seat for all the urge I felt to stand up in anticipation of a goal. If you need three chances to score one goal, is it any wonder we didn't score?

So, I say again, it is the midfield that is the issue. It is width. It is stretching the opposition, pulling defenders to the left and to the right and so creating gaps down the middle. But are we being linked with any creative midfielders or any pacey wide men? No.

But does it matter? We are crap but we are still in a promotion place. So Allardyce will feel vindicated. Captain Kev won us the points again - and as passive as he appears, his goals have been invaluable, winning us 7 points so far.

The win against Coventry was truly our season in a nutshell. Inadequate yet somehow adequate. As Dicks said, "You expect more from West Ham" but under Allardyce we need to revise expectations.

QPR's nasty stink in the Bush!

2012-01-03T12:13:00.001Z

You have to laugh. Norwich's Bradley Johnson has had a pop at Joey Barton, but has clearly been told how to spell breath and been obliged to make a correction - check out the A which has obviously been changed from a T.

But never mind Barton's "breth", there's a nasty stink in the Bush in general after the last 7 games have produced just one paltry point. It is now one win in ten home games - and that smells, sorry spells disaster; or dister in Norwich!

Still, if there is an unpleasant stink in the Bush, you can always freshen things up by going Brazilian - and Warnock is apparently on the trail of Alex. At £2m, he looks an absolute snip. He's worth that for his free kicks alone! A deal for the Rs fans to wax lyrical about if Fernandes is willing to fund the Brazilian's sky high wages.

But will any signings save QPR when the world and his wife are out to get them? Warnock has reverted to type, blaming everybody except himself for the mess. Johnson conned the officials this time apparently. That's as maybe, but if Barton puts his forehead against the face of an opponent, what does he expect? He put his neck into the Hoop so to speak. He may be innocent this time but why was he getting involved in the first place? The red card was coming. You sign Barton and you know what you are going to get - sooner or later.

All is not lost for QPR. Blackburn and Bolton seem determined to go down and Wigan and Wolves look poor. If Piquionne is the answer for Wolves then it must be a pretty stupid question. He could make it three relegations in a row! So my money is still on QPR to stay up. But then my money was on Birmingham to survive last season and, coincidentally, they have dodgy Asian owners, just like Blackburn and Rangers.

Time for Tony to show us the colour of his money. Twenty million? Yes 20 million Ringgit, which exchanges at approximately five to the pound!

Two weeks to land three signings.

2012-01-03T00:47:00.001Z

Forget the FA Cup, it really doesn't matter this season and has proved a distraction in the past. For once I would back the selection of a second string and almost welcome an early exit. The last thing we need is injuries and suspensions incurred in a tournament that we don't stand a cat in Hell's chance of winning. Bring back Montano, play Hall, select Montenegro...bugger it, let's see what they can do.

No, we need an absolute focus on the league now and we need new signings in place before the Portsmouth game. Fratton Park is an intimidating place and will be full to the rafters for the match, but it is a winnable game, and with Southampton facing a trip to Forest, it is a fixture that could see us go top if we can win against their South Coast rivals. Imagine the angst amongst the Saints as they come to terms with wanting Portsmouth to win a game!

So is there any truth in any of the transfer rumours? Billy Sharp was meant to be in London for a medical today, until he turned out in Doncaster's kit for the win over Barnsley. He's rumoured to want to stay close to his family after the death of his baby boy so that looks an unlikely deal to me. The Rhodes transfer also appears to have come to a dead end whilst Jol reckons he and Zammo are best of mates after all - and so they should be after Bobby's last minute winner against Arsenal. Wenger must hate him! So, where is the forward that Allardyce craves going to come from? Maynard? I'm not convinced by the Bristol City man.

But we don't only need a forward. With the return to fitness of Reid, time for Faye to recover and the emergence of young Potts, some of the urgency for a defender has diminished, but once again the desperate need for width was evident against Coventry. Taylor may be back for the game against Pompey and hopefully the Rule of the Ex may apply - let's face it, he is much more likely to score than Freddie The Fly Tipper - but we desperately need some pace on the right and an option for Taylor on the left - and we need to spread the play to stretch the opposition rather than trying to play through a jam packed middle all the time!

So let's hope for new faces sooner rather than later. As the failure to score more than once showed yet again, this is a team urgently in need of creativity, width and goalscorers.

QPR fans forming queue to consult sage

2012-01-02T18:38:00.002Z

Excuse me for a moment whilst I pull up my post on New Years Eve. Now what did I write exactly? Hang on, the headline was "QPR now desperate for a win on Monday" and the final paragraph read,

"Norwich will now know that defeat at Loftus Road could be disastrous. All the promoted clubs would do well to remember Blackpool, as I have been warning all season - much to the chagrin of the gRs. Well the table doesn't lie and, as I warned, if you don't win your home games in the Prem, you will struggle. It is shit or bust on Monday now for Warnock's boys. And I fancy that increasing desperation will see QPR slip to a 2-1 home defeat."
http://thegamesgonecrazy.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2011-01-01T00:00:00Z&updated-max=2012-01-01T00:00:00Z&max-results=50

Now that wasn't a bad call was it? And my prediction that QPR would struggle to avoid relegation is looking pretty spot on too, isn't it?

But how have Rangers fans reacted to my posts? Well I have been abused and told that I know nothing about the game. According to the Rangers fans, there was no way the team was going to struggle with players like Barton, Wright-Phillips, D J Campbell and Luke Young, even though all four have already been relegated with previous clubs. With Money Bags Fernandes, backed by Big Money Bags Mittal, QPR could only go in one direction apparently. Hmmm.

Hang on, let's dig up another post made back in October entitled, "QPR teetering on the edge of the Premiership abyss". The last two paragraphs read:

"The bottom of the Premiership is closing up concertina fashion and QPR are going to have to play out of their skins over the next month to avoid being in the bottom three come the start of December. With unrest in the camp courtesy of Barton's comments about Adel Taarabt, things could start to fall apart big time as the pressure mounts.

Unless, of course, Warnock's Rangers shock us all by beating Chelsea tomorrow. Wright-Phillips has something to prove, doesn't he?"
http://thegamesgonecrazy.blogspot.com/2011/10/qpr-teetering-on-edge-of-premiership.html

How about that for a prediction? Take off the 3 points QPR secured against 9 man Chelsea, and where would the Rs be? In the bottom three!

Now, where do QPR go from here? Tell me, who will fancy joining the Hoops after collecting just one point from the last 21? Wayne Bridge might like a run out in the Prem again. Macheda aint all that, as Rangers fans will now discover. Defoe? Not a chance! Zamora? Would you fancy joint top of the Championship or fourth from bottom of the Prem? QPR are now in the Catch 22 that we found ourselves in: rubbish attracts rubbish, and quality steers clear of a crisis club.

Still, when we went down, we had Grant in charge and he was relegated with the previous club he had managed in the Prem, whereas QPR have Warnock...who was relegated with the previous club he had managed in the Prem! But QPR have Gabbidon - also relegated - and Kenny also relegated - and Wright-Phillips, and DJ Campbell and Luke Young and Barton - when he isn't suspended - all relegated too of course!

Still, cheer up all you gRs, you're far too good to go down, as you've repeatedly told me, and Fernandes is about to open his transfer war chest. Look at the first signing - a player on loan! But that means you still have £20m to spend doesn't it? Yeah right!

Expect talk of the shiny new stadium within the next 48 hours!

West Ham 1 Coventry 0 - Satan Gives and Allardyce Takes

2012-01-02T17:23:00.007Z

Well Satan is fulfilling his part of the bargain. This was another stuttering performance - with the team again only managing a single goal against weak opposition - but incredibly, we sit joint top at the end of the day. Never mind events at Upton Park, Southampton and Miserableboro both suffered 3-0 defeats, with the Saints losing Lambert to a red card for violent conduct. That's him out for three games then - and he is a huge player for Southampton. Hull also lost so only Cardiff of the top 6 won - apart from ourselves.

It's beginning to look as if nobody wants to win this division. We were cruising in the second half but, once again, dropped back after taking the lead, with Coventry doing all the attacking in the last ten minutes. Is it our fragile mentality, or do teams suddenly discover how poor we really are when they decide to throw caution to the wind and attack us? I suspect it is the latter. More ambition, and opponents would find that the Emperor really does have no clothes. Once Reading stepped it up, they murdered us. When Burnley decided it wasn't against the rules to cross the half way line, they found scoring easy. Derby came out of the traps early and found our soft underbelly, then retreated and invited us on.

All the usual weaknesses were there to see again today. Faubert was awful. Time and again his crosses were over hit, or hit from such a deep position that they were easy to defend. He also did his very best to hand Coventry a goal on a plate by heading a cross directly up into the air and then falling on his fat arse to try to supply a free view of the goal. Dicks summed it up when he said, "With his pace he should be attacking the full back but instead he puts the ball in from deep every time." He did get to the byline twice but over hit both crosses, one actually going out for a goal kick. The guy is hopeless. Sell him!

Nolan scored the winner but was again a passenger for most of the match. I will turn to Dicks again for a balanced opinion: "Nolan’s done nothing...not a bean...but then he pops up and scores...but that’s what Sam says he’s there for. He’s been nonexistent up to his goal." Dicks also said of the team performance, "You expect more from West Ham". Spot on!

The shot count, possession and corner count all suggest a commanding performance, but this was far from it. We were again playing against a poor team and again found ourselves hanging on at the end. I get sick of the old cliche "one goal is never enough" because it often is enough, but we really shouldn't be biting our nails and worrying as the game goes into added time when at home to the likes of Coventry City.

True Murphy had a good game, with two impressive saves, but a par score today would have been 3-0, with Murphy making a string of saves regardless. 1-0 gives us the points, but simply plasters over the cracks. The Allardyce Acolytes will say, "Look at the table" and Doctor Evil will tell everybody that it was a game that we dominated, but Dicks said in the last minute of extra time "If Coventry had played like this from the start, they would have won the game." And that's the point. We are still not controlling games.

A win is a win but when are we going to win with a swagger exactly? I forgot, it takes time for a team to gel apparently.

Half Time - West Ham 0 Coventry 0 New Year, Same Old Rubbish

2012-01-02T15:53:00.002Z

First the good news. No sign of Freddie The Fly Tipper - maybe he is on his way to Wolverhampton after all. But that's it!

No prizes for guessing the team. New Year so Doctor Evil picks the same old rubbish. Potts is made SBOBET player of the month but that's not enough to get him a place on the bench even. Hall came on as a sub against Derby, but that's his lot it seems. Lansbury is on the bench but isn't trusted to start. Too young, too talented, too unpredictable.

So it is the same old, same old, producing the same old, same old rubbish. Faubert has got to the byline once and put his cross out for a goal kick. He's also delivered a free kick straight into the hands of Murphy. And had a shot - predictably wide. Nolan, despite his day off, is slow and lumbering - and is being used wide on the left of midfield. What do I keep saying about building a midfield unit? Cole is dropping deeper and deeper trying to get a sight of the ball. Green is kicking long at every opportunity.

When we win corners - and we have won lots - the delivery is awful, and when Coventry break, we look stretched. Now this is against a team that hasn't won away all season. For 15 minutes, we looked lively but for the next 30, we were dire.

Until we get wide midfielders with the ability to cross, we will struggle. Quote Dicks, "Nolan hasn't done anything, he hasn't done anything" and "coming up with the occasional goal isn't enough for your captain". Now far be it from me to quote Dicks as an authority on anything, but he has this pretty much spot on. But what does Allardyce expect with the "shape" of this team? He had the chance to build a squad and failed to do so. In fact, he let Stanislas go who at least offered some pace and a degree of unpredictability. But hang on, unpredictability is anathema for Allardyce.

So, predictions for the second half? We might win by default, but this is a poor team playing poorly as I have been warning since mid October.