Roeder's Return!

Can you believe it? Yet another club has recruited Glen Roeder as manager! Do these chairmen have a death wish? Poor Norwich, they're a decent enough club, I wouldn't wish Roeder on Leeds (not true, I would!) never mind Norwich! They gave us Graham Paddon and John Macdowell for goodness sake!

Sent to Coventry!

So, I'm sure some blinkered fools will be raving about our new strike partnership as the classic little and large, Toshak and Keegan combo. There will be talk of a brave performance, of overcoming injuries, of great tactical decisions, of a stunning winning goal.

There will be bemoaning of luck as the injuries deepen, there will be "get in there" style comments, some may even cry "Wright for England" on the basis of one save.

The truth is, we were awful! Fact, Coventry are shite. Fact we looked bereft of ideas in midfield and up front. Fact, our defending when Coventry scored was school boyish. Fact, Etherington could not get past the full back all night. Fact, we didn't even try to attack down the right hand side. Fact, there was no attempt to play through midfield. Fact, Boa-Morte was dreadful despite his "goal". Fact, Spector and Pantsil are NOT Premiership players.

Two good, two bad? Two bad: Boa-Morte's "pass" to Cole when we had a two against one and our defending for the Coventry goal (we had four full backs on the pitch at the time for heaven's sake!) Two good: Cole's finish and...erm I'm trying here...there must be something else surely...still trying. Boa-Morte's miss hit half volley that pinged off three Coventry defenders into the net? Can't think of ANYTHING else can you? Hang on, Mullins turned well once. Hang on, Etherington fired across the six yard box but Carlton was too dozey to react until the ball had passed - that's why he isn't good enough, as I've said, he doesn't predict or gamble.

Okay this is negative but what else can it be after we looked second best most of the night to a VERY VERY ordinary Coventry team? But we won! We won! We won! So we bloody should do against a team as poor as this! Did we win with any style? Did we win with any swagger? Did we play like West Ham? No, no, no. Quarter final of a cup though! Yes we've scraped past Bristol Rovers, Plymouth and Coventry. Big bloody deal and, Green apart (let's face it, a goalie needs to rest!) we've largely played the best team available, or brought them on when struggling! If this was a one off, fair enough; but it wasn't, this is part of a pattern: our football is getting ugly, crude, defensive and long ball. Bobby Moore must be turning in his grave!

Ratings: Wright 5 (one good save, two dropped crosses) Neill 5 (again lost possession trying to dribble out of defence. Ludicrous booking.) McCartney 6 (tried but Coventry kept probing down his flank. No surprise to find two unmarked Coventry players on left hand side of box for their goal) Upson 6 Ferdinand 5 Bowyer 4 (What did he do besides moan?) Mullins 6 Noble 6 Etherington 5 (no pace at all tonight!) Cole 6 (good goal but mostly dozey) Boa-Morte 3 (his touch was dreadful!) Spector 6 (saved a goal by closing down Coventry player and ran about a bit) Pantsil 4 (did he do ANYTHING?) Gabbidon 5

One Day, Sometime, Never

OK, the definitive nickname for the new Spurs under Ramos: The One Day Nevers!

One day you have 7 points, the next...

Another rumour: "Sevilla president Jose Maria Del Nido plans to report Tottenham to Fifa and Uefa for 'tapping up' his coach Juande Ramos. (Sunday Express)" Perhaps the Premier League should deduct 6 points!

One Day in the life of a keeper!

Another rumour from the bbc! "Tottenham boss Juande Ramos is planning a massive clear-out at White Hart Lane starting with goalkeeper Paul Robinson. (Various)" No need to drop him One Day, he will drop himself!

One day only, buy one, get one for £23m!

Quote from bbc rumours: "New Tottenham manager Juande Ramos wants to raid his former club Sevilla to take ex-Spurs striker Fredi Kanoute back to White Hart Lane and he is also keen to bring £23m-rated defender Daniel Alves with him. (News of the World)" My God, if I was a Spurs fan I'd be worried! £23m for a full back?

Mind you, we are apparently prepared to pay £9m for Johnson!

One Day you're up, the next you're down!

Spurs lose again! Good God, I can hear echoes of Glenn Roeder! This IS getting serious! One Day can't buy until January. It will take 6 weeks or so to bed in the new team once he's recruited Manuel and co! Spurs away to Colchester next season? What's the betting?

One Day Ramos

I gave him 1.4 years but according to Radio 5 Live, his Christian name is pronounced One Day. I know the Spurs board are impatient but surely this is going too far! At least give the guy a week!

Tevez into gear earlier than predicted!

Back in early October I asked, "As for Tevez - does he only start playing in January?" I think Carlos has answered that question! It is a poor Premiership this year but Arsenal look awesome and United have a fantasy team - Rooney, Tevez, Ronaldo, Scholes, Giggs - defenders must be crapping themselves when they see United are next on the fixture list! What a game United-Arsenal promises to be! And suddenly Chelsea are playing a bit too! Typical that West Ham missed both United and Chelsea when they were in the doldrums but had Arsenal at home when the Gunners were in the middle of a purple patch! And you watch, Spurs will warm up with a couple of results before we play them! Sod's Law strikes again!

Shutting up shop at Pompey

My question is, do we want to pick a team to, in the words of Turds after the game, "stop Portsmouth playing"? Is that the West Ham way? Is that what it has come down to? Stop Arsenal playing perhaps, but stop Portsmouth playing? Then you have to look at the selections. Yes he did play 4-5-1 but with Bellyache out of position and obviously out of his depth in the role. Thank God he had to come off, otherwise he would have been sent off second half because of all his moaning and because, with defensive responsibilities, he would have mistimed at least one tackle - and he was already on a yellow. I was furious when Spector and Ferdinand were sent on, not because of who they were but because it gave out a clear message to the team - shut up shop. We were bossing the game at the time! Result, we dropped deeper! Result, we give away a penalty! (And it was a penalty!) People argue it was a reaction to Kanu being sent on. So what? That meant more space for us. The second half belonged to us until those substitutions. There-after, ONLY one team could win, Portsmouth. Tell me, is it ever right to put yourself in a position where it is impossible to win a game? I don't think so.

The Reign in Spain pours mostly down the drain!

Before Spurs fans start to imagine all the dark days are behind them, they should just contemplate this statistic: Ramos has managed 10 clubs in 14 years! So, before he took over at Sevilla, he had a good track record presumably! - that's more clubs per year as a manager than Megson and Red Stripe Robbo combined! Even the Hoddle of God sticks around at clubs longer than that!

And now Benitez isn't looking all he was cracked up to be is he? Have Spurs jumped on another band wagon to nowhere? How long is that contract? Four years? Why not 1.4 years - that's how long history suggests he will be around for!

Still it provides the opportunity to come up with a new nickname or two for the not so hot spurs. How about Los Blancos - cos every time they try to win anything they draw a blank? Or Los Mananas - cos they always Will finish in the top 4 NEXT season!

One last thought - Inside the word Spain is the word pain! You have been warned!

How much to not give a penalty?

My comment about Clattenburg having an advert for Air Asia on his sleeve has got me thinking. Tell me, when would an advert on a referee's shirt get maximum exposure? Perhaps when the referee grabs the headlines by making an appalling decision? That Air Asia ad on Clattenburg's sleeve featured in countless newspapers and all over the web. Should the FA / Premier League allow this? What guarantee do we have as supporters that the sponsors are not buying exposure by bunging referees to get things controversially wrong? Perhaps somebody really should check who exactly Mr Clattenburg is flying with if he is jetting off on holiday!

At last, Spurs realise that Number Two's shit!

Good God, Chris Hughton has gone too! How many Spurs managers has he "assisted" to the sack over the years?

Mercy sacking

So Jol has been put out of his misery. Not before time sadly, because the guy was going mad before our very eyes. Personally, I rate him but his comments during interviews were getting weirder by the day. Phrases like, "All the players love me" in that dodgy Dutch accent of his. I was beginning to wonder if he had been attracted by the name rather than the performances when he signed Bent!

He will be back of course. Maybe when we flush Turds down the managerial toilet!

You're a Mug Son!

Gary Megson? Gary Megson? Are the Bolton board mad? I know England did well in the Rugby World Cup by playing ugly but who in their right mind would entrust a Premiership team to Megson? Good God, I thought the Blunted Blades were mad to appoint Red Stripe Robbo (and so it is proving!) but Gary Megson? Have the Bolton board wagered millions on their own relegation? Imagine Megson and Anelka discussing tactics! If I was Turds, I'd be offering to take Anelka on loan to save Bolton the air fares of trying to hunt him down when he does a runner back to the south of France!

I'm changing my prediction! Bolton are going down!

7-0 to the Arsenal, 7-0 to the Arsenal

Can't let the Arsenal display pass without comment. The Premiership may be a weak division this year but this Arsenal team are just awesome. Not sure if they can keep it up all season but, at the moment, their football is nothing short of magical. And what a joy to see Walcott in the thick of things. Wright-Phillips or Walcott, who would you have? McClanger or Wenger? No contest! I'd give him the job part time if Arsenal would allow it!

Select your handbags gentlemen please!

So Lehmann has "issued a threat" to Wenger. Now there's a fight I'd love to see based on Arsene's waving of his handbag at Pards last season and the way Jens crumpled when Drogba touched his chest! How comes you get banned for feigning injury when a fan mock slaps you but Jens gets away "Bowyer free" when he collapses in a heap every time an opposing forward jumps with him? One cross Jens would never have collected is the Iron Cross!

We're all going on our autumn holidays!

Quote from bbc website: "Referee Mark Clattenburg will miss this weekend's Premier League action because of a planned holiday and not as a result of criticism after last weekend." Presumably, Mr Moyes is wondering who paid for the holiday! I notice that Mr Clattenburg carries an advert for "Air Asia" on his sleeve. Any coincidence that the advert is in red and white? Perhaps Kuyt was suggesting flying when he launched himself two footed through the air. Maybe Steve Gerrard was suggesting possible holiday destinations and the means to fund them when he prompted Mr Clattenburg to exchange his yellow card for a red one. Perhaps Jamie Carragher was suggesting taking it easy on the beach when he invited Lescott to lie down with him in the penalty box!

Something smells fishy? Well I expect Mr Clattenburg is an angler, of one form or another!

Chop Suey

So, Souness has turned down Bolton. What job does he fancy then? He was a Spurs player wasn't he? Or maybe he has his eye on a return to Boro. Or possibly he fancies playing with the millions made available by the new owners of Birmingham? Or maybe, Hughes to Spurs and Souness returning to Blackburn? Any of those clubs are welcome to him - Bolton have had a lucky escape!

Ninth from bottom here we come!

A little serious reflection. The lucky victory over Sunderland means we are stuck with Turds for the time being so what can we reasonably expect between now and the end of the season? Is mid table the best we can hope for? Or are we in a false position with the potential to either push on for a top six position or slide back into a relegation dog fight?

Let's deal with the relegation issue first. Spurs will not go down. Their position is obviously false and, no matter what you think of him, Jol is not Glenn Roeder. Spurs will come good, probably when we play them! In truth, when you take into account that they have played Arsenal, United and Liverpool already, their points tally is probably only 6 or 7 short of what it should be. Had those points been collected, they would be rubbing shoulders with ourselves. The defeat at Sunderland and the home reverse against Everton were their nightmare results.

Bolton are interesting and much will obviously hang on who they bring in to replace Mini Me. I predicted Little Sam's demise back in May but the directors have acted slightly quicker than I expected. Another month of Sammy playing at being manager would have condemned them; now there is time for his replacement to save them. The key will probably be the reaction of Nolan and Anelka to the new boss. If these two want away, Bolton will slip through the trap door. I'd have both at Upton Park! I'm a huge fan of Jewell and believe that if Bolton recruit him, they will stay up.

Derby aren't worth discussing. They will go down.

Fulham are poor too. Sanchez has built a Championship team and that is where they are probably heading. One Cap Chesky reckons he's made a good career move; perhaps that's because he knows he is not a Premiership defender! They should have been relegated last season; only Benitez kept them up by selecting his stiffs at the Cottage. Going down!

So that's two of the three sorted!

What about Sunderland? Well, despite the fact that we made them look like world beaters, they are a very poor team. Keane may be a brilliant motivator and a good tactician but he will have to have the powers of Moses to keep this lot out of the bottom six. I saw the team sheet before kick off and thought, there's nobody outside of the keeper who deserves a Premiership place. By the end, I felt differently about Kenwyne Jones but then Upson can make the average donkey look like a Derby winner. With Chopra, Richardson and Connolly in the squad, they must be live contenders for the drop, especially if Keane sees the writing on the wall and jumps ship in mid season. Let's see, if Spurs decided they couldn't wait for the Spaniard and off loaded Jol? Probably not.

What about Birmingham? Quite, what about Birmingham? How average are Birmingham? Another Championship team and led by a manager who has all the tactical nounce of McClanger. In an average Premiership, they would be my favourites for the third relegation spot unless they are bought out quickly. But even then, who in their right mind would join Birmingham? They are the Vauxhall Nova of the Premiership -no glamour whatsoever despite Sullivan and Karen Brady. And would I live within commuting distance of Birmingham if I was a millionaire footballer? No thanks! Mind you, we all know the name of one idiot who chose to leave West Ham to further his career as a player at Birmingham - step forward Turds!

How about Boro? Well, they are crap! How on earth have they ended up with such a poor team after all the money they have spent over the last few years? Downing will be off in January around about the time Mido gets his letter home from the local authority for being obese and Woodgate books a six month break in California to recuperate from his latest injury! No Yakubu, no Viduka, no hope. And Southgate as a manager; sorry, he just doesn't hack it. If Birmingham are bank rolled Boro will be in big trouble. Fourth from bottom will represent over achievement in my book.

But we still haven't considered Wigan! How poor are they? Our home draw against them will be seen as two points tossed away. Jewell kept them up. Just like Allardyce, the manager was bigger than the club. Hutchins is better than Mini Me but Wigan's trouble is that they will give him more time to fail comprehensively. They don't belong in the Premiership. It has been fun whilst it has lasted but it is surely time to say goodbye. My tip for second from bottom!

And we still haven't reached Reading! How bad is this Premiership? Best league in the world? What a joke! Just like ourselves, Reading have been found out in their second season. You can only charge around at a million miles per hour for so long! Unlike us, Reading will not be able to sign Tevez! The corners will probably keep them up unless Coppell talks himself into resignation. He is prone to depression. On Saturday he looked like he needed Prozak!

So, on that basis, we should be able to finish ninth from bottom without breaking too much sweat. This is a poor division! Outside of seven or eight clubs, there is no quality whatsoever.

So, what about looking upwards? Well there are some teams who will definitely finish above us of course: Arsenal, United, Chelsea, Liverpool and Newcastle (the Allardyce factor!). Is Sven good enough to keep City up there? Possibly. If so, what a mistake it was by the FA to let him go! However, if Elano were to be injured...Then there is Blackburn. Well full marks again to Sparky - he can spot a player and bring the best out of him once he's bought him. Spurs will be above us come the end of April. It hurts me to say it but we all know it's true! Everton? Average team, excellent manager. Head to head with ourselves, you'd have to fancy Moyes to out think Turds. Portsmouth? 'Arry 'as 'em buzzin! Providing he can stave off the Parkinsons, you'd have to fancy Pompey under the old twitcher to make it into Europe this year. But how good are they really? Man for man, no better than ourselves even with our injuries. Which leaves Villa! Well we desperately want Villa to fail because of Reo-Choker; oh the delight to see the pout as he was sent from the field against United! Who was O'Neill so angry with, the ref or the black Judas?

So, at the end of it all, we are playing in a mini league of Villa, Everton, Blackburn, City, Portsmouth and Spurs. Put those into a predicted finishing order and I would go: Portsmouth, Blackburn, Man City, Spurs, Villa, Everton, West Ham. So that's ninth from bottom then! Four places higher than last season! It won't get Turds Manager of the Season will it? The question is, will it get him the chop?

Lucky Turds

My God, I've just watched Sunderland, yes Sunderland, play us off the Upton Park! We were awful! Noble seemed to think he was wearing red and white stripes, Etherington looked like he had lead weights tied on his legs again (perhaps he had bet on Turds being the first manager for the chop!), Neill still loked out of sorts, Bowyer was back to clogging and Upson was crap. I mean, Kenwyn Jones is big and black and hard to miss but Upson seemed to have no idea where he was all game!

How on earth we won 3-1 will remain a mystery!

I don't like to say I told you so but...

This is what I wrote in May (check it out on the blog if you don't believe me!). Tell me, why in God's name didn't I have a flutter with Ladbrokes?

Doesn't your heart go out to Sammy Lee? Talk about a poison chalice! What price Bolton for relegation next season? Big Sam was always going to be a pig of an act to follow but to replace Big Sam with Little Sam - it's worse than swapping Blair for Brown! So many factors conspired to keep West Ham up this season but chief amongst them was the departure of Allardyce in the week before our game with Bolton. Does anybody really believe we would have been three goals to the good by half time if the big man was at the helm? Poor Sammy, he was so chuffed to be in a suit with the gaffer's earpiece, he quite forgot that there was a match to be won. My prediction: Sammy will be out of work before the end of November and Bolton will be bound for the Championship by early May. The form was bad enough under the Big Man, what hope under his Mini Me side kick? What odds are the bookies offering?

Give us a break!

Oh God! So the nightmare has come true. Ashton is out for up to 6 weeks, and with Bellyache returning from his break between international fixtures (funny the way Man United & Liverpool players are fit for club games but not for international fixtures but at West Ham, it's often the other way around!), we could find ourselves with Zammo and Cole up front between now and Christmas. So, it's bottom three by December then!

Never mind, I'm sure Turds will buy another injury prone player or two to help them on the road to early retirement.

What a Tosspot!

How big a tosspot is Garth Crooks? Well not very big in size obviously but nevertheless! On Final Score the jerk asked, "What I want to know is when will Tottenham close out a game?" in that stupid twatish "I'm really angry and I'm entitled to be" way of his. When will Tottenham close out a game? When, exactly, did Tottenham "close out a game" at Anfield when Garth was in the team? What a pillock! Like anybody gives a shit about what Garth Crooks says! Surely there are now enough black guys on the BBC for them no longer to need their token "well spoken negro to rival Trevor Macdonald"? Fuck off to California with your American football slang you stupid fat faced effeminate voiced twat!

Sorry, but I had to get that off my chest!

Red Mist or Red Face, Robbo must be shown Red by McClanger

So 125 years were perfectly encapsulated in 90 minutes, or the last 46 years at least! Wasn't that just the perfect Tottenham performance for such a momentous night? 4-1 down at home to Villa? Good God, I bet even Derby manage to keep Villa down to three! But then with Red Mist Robbo changing his name to Red Faced Robbo in one night of agonising shame, what chance did the not so mighty Spurs stand?

God help us if McClanger sticks with Red Face in Russia. They surely won't make the same mistake again! Just hang a cross one yard outside the six yard box and Red Face looks as confused as Bush doing a crossword. The mistakes were two of the worst I have EVER seen. In fact, add in the air kick, allowing Neville's back pass to trickle into the net, and I think Red Face has the three worst ever.

Did McClanger see Green's heroics against Arsenal? I'm not saying he is Peter Shilton, but at least Green isn't Gary Sprake! In fact, I think comparing Sprake to Red Face is probably doing the Welsh wanker an injustice!

Turds Drops Another Big One!

Here we go again! Okay, defeats away to Newcastle and at home to a buzzing Arsenal are not a disaster but what on earth does Turds think he is up to? Am I mad or has Mullins been playing rather well? And Parker? He looked dazed and confused before kick off and petrified once the ball was in play. Tentative, anxious, dazed, he was bloody hopeless. Then on came Mullins at half time and suddenly we had some bite in midfield. Just what has Mullins done to upset Turds? And then there's Gabbidon! Was he not our player of the year in our first year back up? And when he came on against Arsenal, suddenly the defence looked so much more solid. Is Turds picking Upson and Parker to justify the fees I wonder?

And what about Neill? He was hopelessly at fault for the first two goals against Newcastle and nowhere to be seen for the third (although the cross came from the Newcastle left flank from inside the penalty box!) Why, exactly, was Bowyer trying to make the tackle in the right back position inside the box for the second goal and what was Neill up to when he tried to dribble the ball out of defence to set up Newcastle's first? Come the Arsenal game and diagonal balls were being played up to Diaby with Neill again nowhere to be seen! And when the goal was scored, Neill as good as offered Van Persie a lift up to score the goal! And what pray was McCartney up to? Ferdinand was holding Adebeyour up on the edge of the box and, rather than go wide to mark Hleb, McCartney ran into the box and marked empty space, leaving Hleb all the time in the world to deliver his cross! Pathetic!

One last moan. Camera or Cole? Good God, it makes you yearn for Clyde Best! These two are bloody hopeless. Camera runs around like a headless chicken and doesn't understand the off side law; and Cole doesn't run at all! How much are we paying these two clowns exactly?

Let's hope the cheque book is opened in January. We HAVE to buy a left back and we URGENTLY need another striker. Without Bellamy and Ashton we would be stuffed!