Faubert's Final Faux Pas?

Well I didn't nickname him Faux Pas without good reason! The guy is a walking sulk and a footballing accident waiting to happen. Could you find anybody more Gallic? He looks like he has a Gauloises permanently hanging from his bottom lip and is always just a shrug of the shoulders away from suggesting he doesn't give a toss.

Well his passion and commitment to the cause were demonstrated perfectly yesterday when he flounced off after discovering he wasn't in the first team squad. Stay and watch the game? Why would he? What a yawn! Football? Pah! He can't abide the game. No wonder he fell asleep on the Real Madrid bench, the whole business of football is just so damn boring and tedious!

Of course, the press have gone overboard with the "whole club is rocked" by his walkout nonsense. I suspect the David's are secretly delighted because it means they can save themselves £80k by docking Le Sulk two week's wages.

And as for the other players, not seeing Faux Pas' miserable mug on the bench must have been a positive fillip!

Avram on the Brink

With West Brom fulfilling my pre season prediction by sacking Di Matteo - just as Newcastle sacked Hughton, again exactly as I predicted - the pressure increases on Grant. Today's performance was shockingly predictable and time is ticking down for the Israeli. It is odds on that he will be relieved of his duties in the summer anyway, so I can't see the point of hanging on to him personally.

Any idea that the players had rallied around Grant, following the bungled attempt to replace him, was surely exploded today. We were an absolute rabble. The team were clueless as an attacking unit, with Piquionne and Keane on completely different wavelengths and Obinna on a different planet. Parker did his usual trick of running up blind alleys and O'Neil is clearly out of his depth in the Premiership. The guy aint any cop, end of. The only time we looked threatening was when we started to pump in long balls. And you know, if that works, we should bloody well do it. Stuff principles, at least the ball would get into the opposition box from time to time. If you don't get the ball in dangerous areas, how can you ever score?

The brutal truth is that our midfield is crap. Parker is not the midfield general he thinks he is and cannot see a pass over twenty feet away. He plays with his head down and is a join up player, not a midfield destroyer nor a midfield play maker. We were wrong not to sell him in the summer. Bits and pieces midfielders are not worth £10million and that's what Parker is at the end of the day.

I can't see a way out of the mess. We needed three points today and we didn't look like getting them at any stage of the game. Changing managers at this stage of the season rarely works - look at Burnley and Hull last season and Newcastle the season before - but we can't keep going on like this. I still don't blame Grant. He inherited an absolute mess. But he can't change it, that is now obvious.

Who replaces him? Dowie would probably fancy the job!

West Ham 0 Birmingham 1 - Going Down Because We're Stupid!

It was all so predictable, so predictable in fact that I predicted it. I warned that the euphoria after the Blackpool game was premature. I warned that Birmingham and West Brom would offer tougher challenges. I warned that if Zigic played we would struggle. I'm not claiming to be clever here, it's just that our players are stupid; crassly so.

Look at the goal! What the hell did Noble think he was doing? How exactly were Birmingham going to score from that position without the free kick being awarded? What did Noble have to do? Simple, hold his position, screen the player, don't allow him to get in a cross. But he was never going to get in a cross. He was tight to the touchline with his back to the goal. Why the fcuk would you foul him and concede a free kick? Larssen was on the pitch and we know he has a wicked delivery from a set piece. Zigic was on the pitch, and so were Johnson and Ridgewell. Sooner or later one of them was going to get a good header on a set piece.

What should have been drilled into every player before kick off? UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES CONCEDE FREE KICKS IN OUR FINAL THIRD. How hard is that to understand ? Too hard for Noble obviously. The foul was crass, stupid, idiotic, crazy, moronic, absurd, inexplicable - you take your pick, but the whole lot together don't come close to capturing how utterly mindless that challenge was!

But still, you can defend free kicks if you use your brains. Brains? Our lot? Who had ultimate responsibility for marking Zigic? Bridge. Not Da Costa, but Bridge. Explain that somebody. Explain why we allowed Zigic to choose who he was marked by, simply by virtue of the position he took in our box. Zonal marking, at a set piece? Dear God, it's not as if Zigic is difficult to spot!

But still, you are defending a free kick and you have your wrong player marking a six foot seven striker INSIDE your six yard box but there is still a fairly straight forward way of stopping him from scoring isn't there? Can anybody now explain why Green remained ROOTED to his line? When Zigic connected, he was INSIDE THE SIX YARD BOX. That area belongs to a keeper. Well it should. But not Green because Green is shit under crosses. Always has been, always will be it seems. No matter who we play at centre back, we concede from headers. When are the Green fans going to accept that the keeper is culpable? How was he ever going to prevent a goal if Zigic connected? So he had to attack the ball. He had to. But no, he stood still as if his feet were super glued to the goal line. Pathetic!

The penny has dropped with Capello and he has given up on Green. Now he needs to wake up to the weaknesses of another so called England player in our ranks, a certain Scotty Parker. Want to know why he shouldn't play for England? I will give you two perfect examples. First half, he closed a Birmingham defender brilliantly (although I'm not sure that was his job because if he hadn't blocked the attempted clearance, we might have been in trouble) but what happened from there? He was in the box, he had options, but he panicked and took the wrong one. A great chance wasted.

Then second half, Birmingham lost possession, we had a numerical advantage, Parker was on the ball, Carr had pulled inside to cover the centre of the defence, Obinna was free on the left on the shoulder of the last defender, and what did Parker do? He tried to slide a pass through a gap that did not exist and lost possession. The score was 0-0 at that stage. Birmingham scored within a couple of minutes. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Parker has a narrow field of vision, always has had, always will have. Unlike class players, he doesn't see the whole pitch, he doesn't see the movement of others, he doesn't read the game; he reacts. He isn't international class as a result and isn't good enough to be our midfield general. As I said earlier today, he is part of the problem. It's no good having forwards who can score if you don't have players with the vision to create chances!

We were crap today. Obinna ran around a lot but was back to his infuriating self, making wrong decisions time and time again. Keane, two touches apart had a mare. Noble and Parker were poor. O'Neil looks to me like a Championship player. At the back, we did well, that goal apart. In fact, with the score at 0-1, the shots on target stat read West Ham 2, Birmingham 1. One attempt on target, goal. But if you let Birmingham have free kicks and corners, they are going to score eventually!

But what did we offer going forward? Piquionne looked disinterested. Cole was brilliant for a minute after coming on but crap thereafter. Ba hit the post but if Foster had let it in at his near post he would have been crucified. O'Neil had opportunities to cross but his execution was awful. In fact, our best player in the final third was da Costa, which says it all!

Should we have had two penalties in the first half? No, it was ball to arm. Should Keane have been awarded a pen? No, he had lost control of a speculative pass by Bridge and was trying it on. Did we deserve a point? Yes. Did we ever look like winning. No.

This was a must win game and we lost it. This team is stupid. There are no leaders on the pitch and their combined IQ wouldn't reach 100. People are calling for Parker to be captain. Tell me, what leadership qualities did he show today? At what point did he look like a general in charge of his troops? He resembled a headless chicken at least twice and do headless chickens lead you to success or into the jaws of disaster?

Want proof that these guys are stupid? Three minutes of injury time and a goal down, what do we do? Concede two unnecessary free kicks (Obinna and da Costa) in Birmingham's final third. Had the clearances been allowed, the ball would have gone straight to a West Ham player, but instead we made stupid late challenges, giving Birmingham the opportunity to kill the game and waste time rolling around in agony. And did Captain Parker say anything? How could he? He does the same thing every bloody game!

Player Ratings: Green 1 (No save of note and at fault for the goal that will probably send us down); Jacobsen 6, Reid 6, Upson 6, Bridge 6; O'Neil 3, Parker 5, Noble 3, Obinna 6; Piquionne 1, Keane 4 Subs: da Costa 7, Ba 6, Cole 4

Upson on the Bench!

Bloody hell, so Grant has gone for Reid ahead of Upson! Now Matty may still  be carrying an injury but, nevertheless, this is a strange choice. Say Tomkins or Reid is injured early doors, what use is Upson then as a replacement? If not fit to start, why is he on the bench? Is Da Costa there too to cover Upson? Strange!

Otherwise, it is the team that beat Blackpool - or it IS the team that finished against Blackpool I suppose. Presumably Parker is captain. I would give the armband to Keane personally!

Zigic starts so we know how Birmingham are going to play it - but from the start this time. Can we combat the route one approach? THAT is the question!

Parker's England Call Up is Stupid!

Honestly, what is the point? He's not good enough, we already know that. Previous managers have tried him and rejected him. Capello had a look before the last World Cup finals and thought, no, not for me. And nothing has changed since. A player does not dramatically improve in his thirtieth year!

Parker's failings were obvious for all to see against Blackpool. His foul on Adam that led to the goal, albeit via free kick, corner and dreadful defending and goalkeeping, said it all. The guy is brainless I'm afraid. Yes he plays with great passion, but he lacks football intelligence and has too many technical flaws in his game into the bargain.

It may take a few games to fully expose him but sooner or later Parker will attempt a pirouette and will lose possession, leading to a goal conceded. And sooner or later, he will dive into a tackle on the edge of our box, as he did against Blackpool, and hand a prime goalscoring opportunity to the opposition on a plate!

And what will England get to balance out the risk factor? Parker's goals have dried up, as they were always going to. His rushes of blood are at their very worst when he spies the opportunity to shoot. He and Boa both are more danger to somebody sitting in the Bobby Moore Upper than to the opposition goal. And how many goals does he create? How often does Parker actually deliver a killer pass? I don't have the stats to hand but Noble is the one who splits opposition defences with his passes, not Parker.

So what does Parker bring to the team? Energy, drive, commitment, passion - great English footballing qualities but the very aspects of our game that we have in abundance anyway. Gerrard gives you all this, and he scores goals into the bargain.

Some see Parker as the defensive anchor but that is not his game. He doesn't sit and hold, if he did, our centre backs would not be so easily exposed and he wouldn't have to make so many of his tackles from behind. The holding midfielder role requires intelligence and discretion. Forward forays must be limited, the primary responsibility is to shield the back four, allowing your full backs to support the attack whilst still providing sufficient defensive cover. That isn't Parker's game. And anyway, Parker can't tackle - he dives in stupidly - so you don't want him anchoring the team in the first place.

For all his qualities, Parker is a large part of the problem at West Ham. He is the "main man" but doesn't have the quality for that role. His poor goalscoring returns put an inordinate pressure on the others in the side and his failure to hold his position or work in tandem with his central midfield partner, mean that we are always vulnerable to counter thrusts from the opposition. Add in the fact that he is short so is a liability when defending corners, and you can see why he has been largely ignored at international level throughout his career.

Tell me, if he wasn't good enough aged 25, 26, 27, 28 or 29, why is he going to be good enough aged 30? Capello SHOULD be building for the next World Cup but, because he is going anyway, isn't interested in looking that far ahead. We will still be paying Parker £83,000 a week as a 34 year old, but does anybody seriously think he will be in a World Cup winning team at that age? Not a chance!

Joint Bottom AGAIN!

Would you believe it? Man Utd, top of the table, unbeaten all season, rock up at Wolves and bloody lose! So, despite all the euphoria of Wednesday's victory, we are still joint bottom. That's the problem with quicksand, the more you struggle, the deeper it sucks you down!

I said earlier this week that Wolves were in a false position. I also warned yesterday that Birmingham and West Brom would present bigger challenges than Blackpool. Had we lost against the pub team on Wednesday, we would have sunk without trace today, without even playing. Now the game tomorrow becomes so so so vital.

Remember last season? Birmingham came to Upton Park in another must win game. The result was 2-0, with goals from Diamanti and Cole. That was followed by a 3-0 victory over Hull and everything was looking fine all of a sudden. Then came five defeats on the trot!

A point is no good. We are running out of winnable games and need to average more than a point a game to survive. Wolves have opened up the title race, which is going to make Chelsea, Tottenham, Arsenal and Man City all the hungrier. Arsenal apart, we still have to play them all away, and Man Utd at home. I don't fancy us picking up anything from those games!

So, the pressure is on us again. Birmingham are joint bottom too so this really is the ultimate six pointer. Lose and we go down. And there are a few of those before our fate is finally sealed! Unless we are buried by Birmingham!

Premiership Goes Goal Crazy!

What the hell is happening?

Newcastle 4 Arsenal 4! Bad result for us, but I can't wait to see Wenger's face as Pards dances in front of him! Memories of a certain scrap at Upton Park! I've always been a Pardew fan and I can't imagine many managers inspiring a team to come from four goals behind at half time against Arsenal! Mind you, the Ref seems as if he was in black and white stripes. One Arsenal man off and two penalties to the Magpies. Wow, Wenger will be doing his nut!

Wigan 4 Blackburn 3! A disastrous result for us. Since when have Wigan been able to score four in a game?

Everton 5 Blackpool 3! The Red Lion Blackpool were 3-2 ahead at one stage! Their wheels have come off with a vengeance!

Man City 3 West Brom 0 - Only three goals? How boring! The Baggies continue to plummet!

Aston Villa 2 Fulham 2! Fulham are suddenly scoring!

Stoke 3 Sunderland 2, Tottenham 2 Bolton 1...

Football has become the new basketball!

Link to Players' Twitters

So, the site is now carrying the link to the players' Twitters but it's not terribly scintillating stuff is it? I suppose we can't expect much - they are probably not the brightest cookies in the biscuit barrel and, no doubt, there are contract restrictions preventing them from saying what they really think.

So, don't expect Carlton to be telling us what he thinks of Grant anytime soon or to read from JC that he misses Zola. To be honest, I don't get this Twitter business. Who cares that Carlton is bored out of his head and why, exactly, does he feel to need to Twitter it? Odd.

Then there is the issue of authenticity. How do we know that the authors are who they claim to be? Still, you don't pay any money for the service so you've got no grounds for complaint! Gabbs has updated us on the injury so that is useful I suppose. Collison has told us he is in training, is pleased to be in the 25 man squad and is on his way back. More good news I suppose.

Anybody got a link to McCarthy's? A minute by minute update of what he is eating would be useful. "Jus popin in ta Muckydees. Big Mac and fries, washed down with Coke. Just what the doctor didn't order!"

And Upson's would be good too. It might be informative to know where he is checking out properties!

Why are we so unfit?

How many times have we looked shagged out as the match ticks past the 60th minute? What is wrong with the fitness regimes at West Ham?

I don't know the answer, and I'm not going to try to pretend I do, but it seems obvious to me that other sides are physically stronger and have greater stamina. This isn't down to Grant, because we looked just as knackered under Zola, so what is going on?

Why does Noble look like his boots are made of lead in the final third of the game? Why can't Cole manage two games in a week? Why do wide open spaces appear from back to front game, after game, after game, no matter who are the opponents?

Is it attitude? I don't think so, given Noble is part of the problem. Some question his ability, but I don't think even his greatest critic would question the guy's heart. Personally, I think he has too much upper body strength, he has spent too much time building upper body muscle toning and, as a result, his legs and lungs struggle to get him through 90 minutes.

Look at the rugby boys yesterday. Sixty minutes into the game, these man mountains looked physically drained. They need the muscle of course, but I wonder if it is perhaps counter productive for footballers. Why do they need all this upper body bulk exactly?

But then I said I wouldn't try to explain it, and here I am trying to do so! So, I don't know. I'm not a fitness coach and, although I'm 100% heterosexual, you're more likely to find me in a Jim than a Gym, so I'm utterly unqualified to comment.

I do, however, have eyes and I can see that other teams are fitter, stronger, quicker and have more stamina. Anybody got any ideas why?

No Time To Feel Cocky!

Yes it was good to get a victory under our belt and great to see Obinna and Keane making the net bulge, but reading the boards you might believe that we are as good as safe, instead of still sitting the wrong side of the survival line. A glance at the Premiership table should pour cold water on any premature euphoria.

We only beat Blackpool after all, a glorified pub side who have now lost six of their last seven games. Big bloody deal. And it was hardly a commanding performance either, with our backs against the wall for a lot of the second half. Had that free kick squeezed in instead of thumping against the post, then Blackpool would have been swarming all over us in search of an equaliser. My money would then have been on them scoring a third.

Tomkins played well but the defence sat far too deep at times, especially in the second half, and a better side than Blackpool would have exploited the huge gap between our front pair and back four. We still have a problem with shape, with neither Parker nor Noble screening the back four properly. Blackpool's goal came after Parker conceded yet another stupid free kick, taking Adam down needlessly from behind, and nobody can express surprise that we conceded yet again from the corner that followed. The post was struck from yet another free kick conceded in our final third.

So, whilst the three goals and three points were very welcome, big problems remain. Birmingham and West Brom both have to be beaten and will present sterner challenges than the Red Lion Blackpool. Sorry, but perspective is needed.

Everton Match Fixing Allegation

So according to Moyes, Cesc Fabragas claimed in the tunnel at half time that Everton had bribed the match officials. If true, it is indeed outrageous that Fabregas was not dismissed. You can't make claims like that and be allowed to stay on the pitch surely? Unless there is some truth in the allegation.

To be fair to the Arsenal man, Saha was a mile offside when the pass was played that led to his goal. Quite how the Assistant Referee didn't see it is beyond my comprehension. Yes the ball took a deflection on it's way through to Saha, but any suggestion that the Everton man was not in receipt of a pass from one of his own team would be absurd, although that is precisely what the officials tried to claim!

But suggestions that there were bungs involved are right out of order. The fact that a referee dismissed Piquionne for celebrating a goal against Everton in the same month is not connected in any way whatsoever. Dear God, people will start talking about that remarkable Everton come back against Wimbledon in 1994 next. Everton needed to win on the last day of the season to avoid relegation and, after going two goals behind, were awarded a dubious penalty before Hans Segars dived over a Stuart shot to hand a 3-2 victory on a plate to the amazingly "lucky" Toffees.

Fabregas should clearly be brought to book for his outrageous comments; and as for the Assistant Referee, surely a gender test should be conducted as a matter of urgency!

£10million Windfall Heading West Ham's Way

The FA's out of court settlement with Dean Ashton has surely secured our claim for compensation, following Beano's enforced retirement from the game. There was talk that the FA might wriggle out of it based on Ashton's attempted comeback, but the settlement has established once and for all that Ashton's career was ended by Wright-Phillips whilst on England duty.

Given that culpability has been firmly established, it is difficult to see how even Scott Duxbury could lose this case! The question is, should we settle at £10million now? If still fit and off his pizza diet, wouldn't Ashton be at least the equal of a certain Andy Carroll? So why shouldn't we be entitled to similar compensation to the figure demanded by Newcastle before they would part with their star striker? Ashton or Bent? I know who I would rather have, so why not at least the £24 million that Sunderland pocketed?

£10million should be the very minimum we are entitled to given the silly money now being paid for English strikers. Let's take the F.A.'s insurers to the cleaners!

Hope Springs Eternal!

Wow! Blackpool have now lost 6 in 7 and have that sinking feeling. Take off the 6 points they plundered against Liverpool and they would be on 22 points, 2 behind us! Wolves have lost 1-0 to a goal in in the 92 minute! Birmingham drew with a late penalty unfortunately which keeps us in the bottom three - for now! Fulham have won, but they were not going down anyway and recriminations will set in at Newcastle. They should have banked enough points to survive but who knows? When the wheels come off, they come off in a major way for the Geordies. With Wigan and West Brom sharing the points last night, it has been a pretty perfect week so far!

I can't write about the game, I didn't see enough of it. Obinna scored a lucky goal and a brilliant one too - our goal of the season so far! And Keane is off the mark with a fox in the box style goal. The Blackpool goal was a comic affair and Green had a "moment" in the second half, air kicking a backpass. But all in all, it seems as if we won the game pretty comfortably.

We are only 3 points behind Everton. There's a thought! With Piquionne, Keane, Ba and Cole, we have the strikers to stay up. Da Costa is on his way back and with Gabbidon limping off, we may need him. From what I saw though, Tomkins looked bloody good again tonight!

Dare we hope?

Half Time Blackpool 1 West Ham 3 The Roller Coaster Ride of the Decade!

God knows what is happening because I'm not at the game and I can't find a stream that's any cop. I know Obinna's opening goal was lucky, with Kingson making a terrible error as the Nigerian scored at the near post, and his second, our third, was truly top drawer - a wonderful drive into the top corner from 8 yards outside the box. Keane's goal? No idea! But who cares, that's why we have brought him in!

What the fcuk happened for Blackpool's goal? Did it go in unassisted from the corner, or was there a deflection? Who was that flashing at it as it came across? Obinna? Has he scored another hat-trick, two at the right end and one in his own net?

3-1 at half time is a dangerous score for this team! Remember Birmingham anybody? Gabbidon is off, so we have no defenders left. Next stop, Kovac! God help us!

This could end up 3-3, 3-4, 4-3, 4-4, 4-5 - God only knows! Hold on tight as the scream ride continues!

Keane In, Ba on Bench with Cole

So the side has been picked. Piquionne teams up with Keane up top, O'Neil and Obinna are on the flanks and Noble and Parker in centre midfield. As an offensive unit, it looks good, but defensively? Ouch!

Gabbidon is paired with Tomkins as Upson gives in to another niggle. Well, he doesn't want to carry an injury into next season does he? That might limit his salary negotiations with other clubs! Immediately, we see the stupidity of not signing another defender in the window! Gabbidon aint good enough and his presence could cost us dear! On the flanks we have Jacobsen and Bridge but should any of the defenders pull up lame, we only have Reid on the bench.

Barerra doesn't even make it onto the bench and nor does Faubert. Is the Frenchman injured? Who knows.

It looks like 4-4-2 to me but what is Obinna going to offer defensively? So sign of Specs either so he is presumably injured.

Ilunga left out of 25 man squad

Nobody will be surprised to see that McBenni has been left out of the 25 man squad but the exclusion of Ilunga is another matter. Once again, we have left ourselves with only one specialist left back - and have done so by choice.

What happens if Bridge gets injured? Gabbidon at left back? Or Boa? Or Jacobsen playing on the wrong flank? Or, God help us, Specs?

Why does the club have this contempt for full backs? Surely we should have learnt the lesson by now!

How stupid are we going to look if Bridge pulls up with a hamstring injury tonight?

All Or Nothing - Relegation Determined Tonight

At the start of the season there were many imponderables but one thing was absolutely certain, Blackpool were going back down to where they belong, the Championship. Holloway was always going to give us a bit of fun along the way, but ultimately every roller coaster in the Blackpool Pleasure Beach theme park has to come hurtling back to earth after ascending to its zenith. The Tangerine Dreamers had no right to a place in the Prem given their resources. Or so we thought.

But now, after a truly incredible double over Liverpool, nobody is quite so certain. In fact, should Blackpool plunder 3 points from tonight's game, they would be pretty hard for us to catch and would be a very good bet to survive come the end of the season. Tonight's game, therefore is absolutely crucial. Win it and we can survive, lose it and I would put my mortgage on us going down.

Last night was good, Wigan and West Brom sharing the points was the ideal result, keeping both within catching distance. We may not need Blackpool to collapse, Wolves may be the third team to drop and Birmingham, distracted perhaps by a Cup Final, are certainly not out of the relegation woods. Who knows, Newcastle may even tear themselves apart after the controversial sale of Carroll.

But let's forget all that for now. Tonight is the big one, the game where we have to get it right, where Grant has to deploy his resources correctly and where our superior class has to be supported by a furious passion, a desire to match the hunger of the Tangerine Dreamers in every department of the pitch. If we are not up for this one, God help us. We are a long way North and, Everton apart, that has signalled disaster so far this season. And last season for that matter. Sunderland away 0-1, Man Utd away 0-3, Liverpool away 0-3, Newcastle away 0-5; it doesn't make happy reading does it?

What team will Grant pick? It is probably too early for Ba. Keane must start surely, but alongside who? He can't play in a 4-3-3 system and doesn't work well as a foil for another small striker, which suggests he and Obinna will not work together. But dare Grant omit a player who has bagged a hat-trick at the weekend? He will be crucified if he does and we fail to score! So does Obinna play wide left? If so, Bridge can expect a busy night as Blackpool attack in waves down his flank.

If I was picking the side tonight, I would set up as follows:

Green; Jacobsen, Tomkins, Upson, Bridge; Parker, Noble, Spector; Obinna; Piquionne & Keane in a 4-3-1-2 formation.

But I can see an argument for starting Cole instead of Piquionne and for playing a flatter four in midfield. But no matter who the personnel, the team has to show more fight and mental strength than the brittle bunch that crumbled at Birmingham. Blackpool will be fired up for this one  - their Premiership lives could be determined by this game - and if we are not at the races from the start, they will make us look like a stable yard of donkeys!

I have that same feeling in my stomach that I have as the roller coaster reaches the top of its climb. Get ready for a scream ride!

West Ham's McCarthy Blunder

Would you believe it? McBenni has turned down an offer of £1million to buy out his contract! That's outrageous. On £43,000 a week for another two years, he stands to pocket £4.5million - so he must have taken leave of his senses to pass up the opportunity of trousering one million up front! Not!!!! Let's face it, he would then have to find himself another club and they might actually expect him to maintain a healthy diet, train hard and play!

There's only one solution to the McBenni problem, let him eat himself to death. We should open a burger franchise in the Boleyn and let Benni eat all the profits. I'd give him six months on an exclusive eat as much as you like cheeseburger and fries diet!

Franco has gone, Diamanti has gone, Daprela has gone, Mido has gone, Tristan has gone, Savio has gone, Di Michele has gone, Jimenez has gone, Ilan has gone but a mighty Zola and Clarke legacy remains, in the form of Kovac, da Costa and Benni McCarthy! If you wanted the ultimate indictment of a management era, you have it in those three!

Police Site Identifies the Boleyn Ground as Crime Blackspot!

Never mind when we play Millwall at home, the new Police Crime Mapping Site has identified the Boleyn Ground as a hotbed of criminal activity. Even setting aside the violence that occasionally breaks out on the terraces and in the streets around the stadium, the following crimes have been flagged for the location:

Criminal defending
Criminal finishing
Criminal selection policies
Criminal tactics
Criminal signings
& Criminal financial mismanagement.

Thank God for this new website! Without it, how would we ever know if an area was dangerous or not? I'm so glad I checked it out. Who would have guessed that Liverpool is a centre for car crime otherwise? Bloody amazing!

Instead of loading data onto computers, perhaps the Bobbies could get up off their arses and start walking the beat! But then again, they're not going to risk going into those high crime areas full of dangerous criminal types are they? Much more sensible to stand at the side of  a dual carriageway, with an unmarked 30 m.p.h limit, holding speed cameras and booking law abiding citizens for doing 36 miles an hour!

"What's that sir, a mugging in Talbot Road? Not surprised. Nasty location that sir. Best to steer well clear; we do. But we will be sure to log it on to the computer."

Blackpool Boosted for Wednesday; Would You Adam and Eve it?

Typical. It was all going so well. Liverpool had slapped in a bid of £10million for Charlie Adam and Tottenham did their usual, coming in at the last minute, trying to steal away a player that they had shown no interest in until the last gasp of the window. Had either side punted £10million on the Scot, they would have been blowing their cash as he is not THAT good, but when Carroll can command a fee of £35million, how can anybody say what anybody is worth?

Yet amazingly, Blackpool held firm, refused to deal at less that £14million, and so Adam remains beached at Blackpool. All of which is bad news for us ahead of our trip to the Tangerine Dreamers on Wednesday!