Faye Late Withdrawal. In Comes Potts!

We've just scored, a Diop header from a Noble corner, but we have Linda playing at centre back alongside Tomkins after Faye pulled out injured. So young Potts starts. Great name, and he is American too. Fingers crossed that he has as long a career as Steve! Hang on, he is Steve's son apparently!

Tweedledee, Tweedledum and Tweedledummer all start against Barnsley!

Carew, Cole and Piquionne all start as Sam brings out the battering ram and says fuck to subtlety. The midfield looks hopelessly light to me. Diop, Noble and Nolan are not going to offer a lot in terms of creativity are they?

Presumably Diop is going to anchor in front of Tomkins and Faye, and Faubert and McCartney are going to be encouraged to get up the flanks to bang in crosses for the Land of the Giants forward line?

It's a depressing looking team selection. Sears is on the bench. So is Lansbury. And so too is Montenegro. Anyone of those three in place of Piquionne or Carew would have offered more balance to the team.

Barnsley will fancy themselves to control midfield and hit us on the break. I suspect that to win, we will need to score three goals, and I fear that there is not enough invention in the team to score two.

Hope to God I am wrong!

Team:

Green

Faubert, Tomkins, Faye, McCartney

Diop

Noble Nolan Piquionne

Cole, Carew

And Tweedledumdiop scored!

Allardyce's Transfer Wish List of 25 Leaked

Allardyce will be furious when he discovers that, after revealing that he had a wish list of 25 players he was interested in signing, a source inside the club has leaked the names of the targeted players to this blog. I can exclusively reveal that the "Identified Twenty Five" are:

1 Bogdan 2 Steinsson 3 Alonso 4 Robinson 5 Cahill 6 Muamba 7 Eagles 8 Holden 9 Sanli 10 Petrov 11 Gardner 12 Knight  13. Lainton 14 Davies 15 Mears 16 Davies 17 Klasnic 18 Ricketts 19 Reo-Coker 20 Blake 21 Pratley 22 Jaaskelainen 23 Davis 24 Ngog 25 Boyata

Shock as QPR Star is Ruled Out for the Season

You really couldn't write it could you? Except I did.

Some weeks back Warnock told us that Dyer was "ahead of schedule" and was "on course" to return before Christmas; and I scoffed. The chances of Dyer giving up a cosy chair over the festive season were one in a billion.

http://thegamesgonecrazy.blogspot.com/2011/11/dyer-news-for-qpr.html

Well the news has just broken, that Dyer is, in fact, broken, and will not only not be fit for Christmas, he is unlikely to play again for the rest of the season.

Quelle surprise! Dyer, of course, is not injury prone - well that's what he's claimed - he's just unlucky and damaged by poor medical care at West Ham. Amazingly, Warnock reckons that he's "never met a more determined pro" in his career. Determined? Determined to do nothing!

Incredibly, QPR are not cancelling the guy's contract, even though that option exists for January. Why? Well Dyer is "very important to have around the place" apparently. Dear God, what useful purpose can he serve? I can only think of one, Warnock is planning to use him for body parts in the event of other players breaking down with injuries.

Put your money on a yellow for Nolan and Faubert!

Christmas approaches and Captain Kev and Julian Faux Pas are just one yellow card each away from a suspension. It would be a disaster for either to incur a suspension with so many players ruled out by injury, but on a personal level, it would surely suit them down to the ground. Playing on Boxing Day is, after all, a terrible, terrible chore!

So, expect a slightly late tackle from Faubert to secure him a day off after Christmas, whilst Nolan will probably just talk himself into the book, fulfilling his Captain's duties to the letter. Let's face it, he won't want a football match to get in the way of his festive turkey celebrations!

Poor Lansbury has got a lot to learn. No seasoned pro would return from injury the week before Christmas! So don't expect Matty Taylor back any time soon either!

£2.5m for Tomkins? Pull your pants up Pardew!

What a bloody nerve! I thought Fernandes was taking the piss when he offered £3m for a player who will wear the Three Lions one day, but Pardew thinks he is Bruce Forsyth compering 'Play Your Cards Right' yelling, "Lower, Lower" before bidding an utterly derisory £2.5m! Pardew, of course, differs from Brucie in the sense that he's always reckoned on getting something for a pair!

Still the bid has revealed two things: firstly that we are not yet so brassic that we have to sell our blue chips for farthings; and secondly that Tomkins still hasn't signed a new contract, despite claims to the contrary. He has two years plus to run on his current deal, but if he is thinking about a move, that is very worrying as he is one of the few players in our squad who can cut it in the Prem!

Meanwhile, Pardew should be told that shafting the wife of an employee of the club is one thing, but screwing the club itself is another matter!

Although, I'd have no objections to him giving Princess Karren a seeing to - just for old time's sake you understand!

Di Canio Turns On Players! Doomsday Nears in Swindon!

I said he would be gone by Christmas and I may yet be right! Di Canio lost it completely after the game with Bristol Rovers, bad mouthing his own players, saying that he would treat them as "kids" because that's what they deserve and, using a stream of four letters words in a radio interview.

The Chairman is backing him at the moment but the guy is a ticking time bomb and is going to lose the dressing room sooner or later. True, we don't want managers who tolerate sub standard performances and make excuses for lazy, can't be arsed players, but Di Canio has crossed the line here, as he was always going to do.

Chairman Wray has said Di Canio will apologise for the expletives but that apology has not been forthcoming as yet. The Italian has an ego the size of a hot air balloon and is not going to take kindly to the public humiliation involved in saying sorry. Let's face it, Mussolini wouldn't say sorry for a few swear words would he?

The players are probably hoping he goes. And they may get their wish before Santa comes down their chimneys, with Di Canio flouncing off in a huff.

Fit to manage West Ham? Not in a million years!

Allardyce Chases Higgs-Boson

Doctor Evil is hot on the trail of Higgs Boson after reading about his stunning exploits in Geneva in Switzerland. "This boy seems to have it all," Allardyce enthused. "He is lightening quick, incredibly elusive - so impossible to mark, and offers the sort of qualities that are essential to any team. He could be a building block for everything we are striving to achieve at West Ham United".

Allardyce continued: "Even more impressive is this boy's durability. He is strong. Bloody strong. And can withstand the most crunching of tackles, even from a Swiss animal called Hadron, a cross between Billy Bonds, Neil Ruddock, Ron Chopper Harris, Norman Hunter and Kevin Davies. When you're hit by that guy, you know you've been hit!"

He joked: "Keiron Dyer would explode into a billion pieces! But not Higgs Boson!"

A double deal seems in the offing. "I like the sound of this Hadron guy too," Allardyce explained. "He is my type of player. Hard and uncomplicated. Early in his career he had a tendency to break down but that seems to be behind him now. If I could team him up with Higgs Boson, the result could be really explosive!"

But Higgs Boson is the number one priortity. "He could be the answer to everything!" Allardyce bubbled. "Higgs Boson would represent a quantum leap forward for a club like West Ham."

Huck me, idiotic Spurs supporters behuddled and conhused!

Hucking filarious! What a buncf of hucking hools! Huckwit Spurs supporters have got tfeir Fs and Hs in a twist, bombarding hour time Olympic gold medalist Chris Hoy with abuse after the dodgy rehereeing perhormance of Chris Foy on Sunday.

Never mind that Foy awarded Spurs a penalty for a Gold Medal standard dive by Modric, fe is to blame, apparently, for Stoke's victory over the Cocky Hools. Notfing to do with old boy Matty Etferington notcfing a double against tfem tfen, with an assist from Croucf, wfilst Woodgate played out 80 minutes. Wfat a hucking poke in the eye!

Only idiot Spurs supporters could be tfis stupid! Wfo next? Kylie's han club could take some stick after a Riley rehereed game! Great arse on Mike in tfat picture guys!

That Sinking Feeling at QPR

Is there any truth in the rumour that Fernades suddenly realises that QPR face a titanic struggle to survive in the Prem? Well with the plimsoll line rising up towards their hooped arses, and the Rs sinking lower and lower in the table, some of the cocky fans in their ranks might begin to realise that staying afloat in the top division needs more than just bluster and bullshit.

To be fair, their form has been pretty decent, and there is certainly no shame in going down 1-0 to Liverpool at Anfield - a result we West Ham fans can only dream of! - but the trouble for Warnock's Warriors is that pre season favourites for the drop - Norwich and Swansea - still sit above them in the table, whilst those in the basement are beginning to show a bit of form. The uncomfortable truth is that Rangers now sit precariously just 4 points above the bottom three. A bad December could spell disaster.

Of those in the bottom three, Blackburn look doomed, especially if the rumours of financial problems are true. The next two games will decide their fate. Win both and they have a chance. Anything less than 4 points and you can put your mortgage on them to go down.

Bolton remind me a lot of West Ham last season - ironically given Allardyce has made us West Ham Wanderers this! A nightmare fixture list at the start of the season did for them, and recovering from a dreadful start is like trying to drag yourself out of quicksand - especially when injuries keep striking. They don't just need back to back wins, they need three or four victories on the trot. Are they trapped in the perfect storm or is the situation still salvageable? They look to be holed beneath the waterline to me but they have a good manager and Cahill could be traded in January for three or four useful recruits. My money will still be on them to go down. They need 29 points from 23 games and that is a tall order for a team low on confidence. That said, they finished on 46 points last season which is pretty much the 1.28 points a game they need, so find their form and they are in with a chance.

Wigan are the big worry for the Hoops. Martinez is a good manager and they have experience of fighting the drop successfully - unlike Warnock and his charges. True Rangers have Ferdinand and Gabbidon who were with us during the Great Escape, but (although signed on a dodgy Third Party Agreement) Faurlin aint Tevez, and Warnock "knows" Tevez is the only reason we stayed up doesn't he?

At the moment, QPR are still clear favourites to survive. Swansea and Norwich could both "do a Blackpool" just as easily as the Hoops. But there is icy cold water around the Rs ankles all of a sudden and Fernades's bilge pipes won't talk them into staying up, and neither will Warnock's bluster. They don't want a striker in January apparently, which is odd because they have scored just 6 goals at home, the lowest return in the division. In fact 15 goals from 15 games is a recipe for disaster. We managed 43 goals last season and still went down. Blackpool scored 55 and Birmingham, with 37, dropped because they couldn't score and so drew too many games - 15 in total.

Rangers fans will probably hurl abuse again, but if the results go against them in the next 3 weeks, they will find themselves in very, very deep water!

Does Tottenham's Redknapp have Alzheimer's?

There we were, thinking he had Parkinson's when in fact it is possibly Alzheimer's! According to 'Arry, he hasn't criticised referees in "30 years of management". Oh yes 'Arry, then what about these?

"I've never been one for criticising referees - it's never been my game - but it was a blatant penalty. If you get the penalty, it could make a big difference." (On Howard Webb's decision to turn down penalty appeal against Sunderland in Nov 2010)

"The whole thing was a farce. It was handball. Nani put his hand on it and dragged it down. Mark Clattenburg is a top referee but he has had a nightmare with that." (On Mark Clattenburg's call to allow Nani's controversial goal in 2-0 defeat to stand in Oct 2010)

"He’s got a hand on the ball – it was a terrible decision. It was a gift that United didn’t deserve and it put them back in the game. Without that bit of help from the ref, I don’t think United would have come back."
(On Howard Webb again, for giving Manchester United a controversial penalty at Old Trafford in April 2009).

"It’s a nailed-on penalty. If he felt Robbie dived, why didn’t he give him a yellow or a red card? The penalty decision and Ledley King going off injured, they were the turning points." (Howard Webb v Chelsea in Sept 2009)

"I just question the referee’s overall performance which I thought was inept. Every game I see this season has seven or eight bookings. I think it’s frightening." (On Andy D’Urso’s performance at Wolves in Feb 2008)

Still, I suppose it explains why he didn't declare earnings on his tax return!

Old Boy Etherington Stuffs Spurs!

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Pulis showed Zola and Grant and Allardyce the way by using good old fashioned wingers to bring Tottenham's winning run - itself based on two nippy wide men - to a grinding halt. I keep saying how simple football is if you choose to cut out all the mumbo-jumbo crap. Attack down both flanks, stretch the opposition across the full width of the field, bang in crosses...it aint rocket engineering!

And poor old Scotty was powerless to prevent it. So his record of never being in a losing Spurs team is now at an end. Scotty was booked - there's a surprise - and once again failed to either assist or score.

Tell me, who do we really miss more, Etherington or Parker?

Did Reading's Kebe get what he deserved?

Coming back from the game, I was listening to 606 and was shocked to hear Savage and co say that Kebe deserved to be assaulted for pretending to pull up his socks. Clarridge joined in on the Football League show, risking allegations of racism when he said that a British player wouldn't do that sort of thing.

Really? I remember Vinny Jones grabbing Gazza by the bollocks and Rodney Marsh "helping an opponent to his feet" by grabbing hold of his hair and yanking him up whilst pretending to lift him by his shoulder at the same time. Didn't George Best tease the opposition? What was Nolan up to at Middlesborough if he wasn't deliberately trying to wind up the opposition? It goes on in every game to some degree, it's just that Kebe was given centre stage by our defenders, treating him as if there was a Falklands War style exclusion zone around him.

Sure it was a piss take, but so what? If everybody reacted to a piss take like Collison did, then stand up comedians would be knocked out every time they took to the stage. No wonder morons come on here hurling abuse every time I make a sardonic comment, if those inside the game - and working for the BBC - defend what Collison did - which was assault an opponent in front of 20,000 plus spectators and a television audience of millions.

Watching live, I couldn't see if it was a scissor tackle or a two handed push, Collison had his back to me and it happened on the far touch line. Television pictures clearly showed that Collison kicked Kebe half way up the shin and shoved him with both hands into the bargain. Was it a full blooded kick? Maybe not but we can't be sure, and if a child followed that example, it could result in a broken leg. And Collison had no thought for the possibility that Kebe might bash his head as he went down over by the touchline.

So, the answer to the question posed by the title is absolutely not! If Di Canio had pulled up his socks like that, we would have loved it. Diamante might have done it too, and we would have cheered. Both "foreigners", of course, so maybe Clarridge had a point, but Sheringham might have pulled the stunt and so might Bobby Gould and Keith Robson. And Nolan whose "chicken dance" celebration is inflammatory in my opinion. Wouldn't Rooney do it? Or Barton?

Collison should be fined heavily for letting himself and the club down.

A freak result at Reading or the sign of things to come?

Yesterday's performance from start to finish was dire. It is true that Reading only scored when we went down to 10 men, but it has been said often enough that playing against 10 men can be harder than playing against 11, if the 10 are committed, passionate and organised. Ours weren't.

To go a goal down immediately, with Reading exploiting the loss of our right back so obviously and deliberately, was shameful. It is true that McAnuff set up the goal superbly, but we were at sixes and sevens, without a two, when we should have been rock solid. Where was Captain Kev? Too busy chuntering at the officials and stewing.

From that point, we were a total shambles. Allardyce apologists will say that Piquionne stayed on because we needed an equaliser, but we were all over the place because we were a man short in midfield. Cole was on by this stage, a very untimely replacement for Diop as it happened, but we couldn't get the ball to him. The second goal came from a cross from our left, but we were wide open down the right, with Church totally unmarked once the cross had sailed over the flailing Green. Then came the second red and it was curtains. But why was Carew on for Piquionne when we were so obviously unable to get hold of the ball?

Kebe's piss take said it all. We had ten men on the pitch at that stage but it looked like we had seven! And who's fault was that? Allardyce's for not changing things as soon as the first red card was shown. Allardyce's for setting up to contain for the first hour rather than trying to win the match. Allardyce's for building a squad of lumbering players who couldn't outpace a tortoise dragging an HGV.  And Captain Kev's for disappearing from the game at half time.

So was this a freak result? No. Nothing changed yesterday, except our luck ran out. Without Baldock, we have no pace in the team. Without Taylor, we have nobody who can cross the ball or deliver a set piece. Without Diop we have nobody protecting the back four, and with Diop we have no creativity in midfield. This is a team without flair, without imagination, without creativity and, most worrying of all, without pace.

Why was O'Brien sent off? Because McAnuff, hugging the touch line, took him on, going round him on the outside and the Irishman was drawn in to a foul. When did a West Ham player try to run past a Reading player? At one point in the first half, Faubert received the ball on the edge of the Reading box, their left back five yards away standing in the penalty area. A burst of speed would have drawn a challenge and the possibility of a penalty, but Faubert froze and passed the ball sideways. That moment said it all. Faubert is not a right back but he certainly is not at home in the front three of a 4-3-3 formation either. He is hopeless in front of goal and does not read the game, always reacting to situations rather than predicting them. The confidence to take players on isn't there. Where is the electric pace we were promised when we signed him?

We may bludgeon our way to a few more victories but opposition managers will look at this game and realise that West Ham are like the Emperor's New Clothes: if you stop believing the hype, you realise that there's nothing there - we are devoid of true ability and Allardyce, like Osborne, is clueless when it comes to Plan B. Carew, Piquionne, Cole? What alternative do the three offer? Noble, Nolan, Collison? Where is the pace? Where is the dribbler able to go past an opponent and so take him out of the game? Where is the alternative for Taylor on the left? 4-4-2 doesn't work for Allardyce, but 4-3-3 and 4-3-2 and 4-2-2 (all of which we saw yesterday) don't work either!

Lansbury is now our only hope. Can he offer the flair this team is screaming out for? If not, we will be sucked back into the pack before the window opens, and if Sullivan and Gold prevaricate before opening the wallet, we could struggle to reach the playoffs. We used up our luck in November. Now we have to start winning on merit - and in a meritocracy, this team are going to struggle!

Reading 3 West Ham 0 O'Weebles O'Wobble O'And O'They O'Do O'Fall O'Down!

Well I kept warning you. I kept saying we were playing crap. I kept saying that when the luck ran out we would be in trouble. Well O'dear. O'two O'games O'on O'the O'trot O'we O'have O'lost. O and we were shit today!

I hear time and  time again from the anonymice that only by being at a game do you get the true feel for a match. Well I was at Reading today, and let me assure you that we were dreadful. No end of Reading fans told me before kick off that they were crap and couldn't score goals. Three told me that they had only managed two goals in the first 45 minutes all season. The word on the terrace was, knock in a goal in the first half and you've won the game. Easy then eh?

So what did we do? We contained. We played Diop. We played Piquionne. We showed no invention, no creativity, no imagination. The idea seemed to be, keep the score at 0-0 and eventually we will be presented with a chance that we will bury. Well we got a chance, two in fact, but one fell to Piquionne, and the guy is crap, and the other was cleared off the line; and that was it!

And then, second half, Doctor Evil woke up to the fact that he was playing a shit Reading team and decided to try to win the game. Cole came on for Diop and before you could say, let's go 4-4-2 - which we didn't try to do anyway - O'Brien got himself sent off. And then, straight from the freekick, we were a goal behind. Cue Captain Kev to become more animated than at any point in the whole game as he walked half the length of the field arguing with the referee, as if that would get O'Brien back on the pitch.

Before we go any further, O'Brien deserved to go, and so did Collison. In fact, O'Brien could have been shown red when he collected his first yellow. The challenge was iffy, the hands were raised and the forehead was lowered towards the Reading player's face. The second yellow was a yellow, so 1+1 = 2, even in a Newham comp! And so what that Kebe was "showboating" and taking the piss when he pretended to pull up his socks because we were affording him so much time on the ball? That was no excuse for Collison to try to chop him in half! The challenge was crass. The boy should be fined. End of.

But all that is almost irrelevant. The truth is, we were shit. Idiots will claim that the sending off decided the game but they will miss the point completely. The football was awful, from both sides until we went down to 10 men and Reading made us look like complete mugs once we were a man short.

Anybody remember all those games we failed to win when the opposition were reduced to 10 men? Anybody remember Fulham, Sunderland and Reading coming from behind to draw against us when a man short? But this team? We folded. Pathetically. And Allardyce didn't help by leaving us short in midfield! Tell me, why wasn't Piquionne withdrawn immediately and Sears sent on?

When we went down to 10 men, I was in the stand trying to work out who was the third man in midfield! Faubert had been pulled back to right back. We had two strikers on the pitch, albeit one was wide left and hopeless and the other only touched the ball a couple of times after coming on. Noble and Collison were busy but ineffective. Who the hell was the other player on the pitch? I tried to rack my brains. I looked down at the pitch, searching for the anonymous man. I waited for the mystery man to get involved. It was only when my son asked, "What has Nolan done all game?" that the penny dropped! Captain Kev was shit. Anonymous. Irrelevant. Ambling. Casual. Hopeless. Slow. Passive. Inept.

And he was not alone!

This is a mediocre team and the luck, as I predicted, has run out. Automatic promotion? In our bubbled dreams! If we finish in the top six it will confirm how crap this division is! I predicted a difficult December. Well, we are still three points short of avoiding a second consecutive relegation!

So much for the Allardyce revolution! And, to round it all off, I collected a £35 parking ticket to make my day complete! I hate bastard Reading!

Player ratings: Green 4 (I didn't see him make a save and he may have been at fault for the seond goal), Demel 5 (injured too early to make an impact - more damaged goods off loaded on West Ham), Tomkins 7 Faye 7, McCartney 6 (crossing awful!): Diop 6: Noble 5 (did nothing of note) Nolan 3 (Was he on the pitch second half?): Collison 4 (sending off irresponsible and, one shot apart which hit Piquionne, offered little going forward): Faubert 5 (Got to the byline once all game!) Piquionne 1 (Looked utterly disinterested!). Subs Cole 3, Carew 1 (Did he touch the ball?)

Rob Green's Nightmares

Poor old Rob Green must have been tossing and turning last night, ahead of today's game at Reading. God forbid his wife asked last night, "How would you fancy a holiday in the States this summer. We could fly from Manchester and stay overnight at my cousin's in Bolton."

January 1, 2007. Turds in charge. His backers claim you have to hit rock bottom first before you can start a recovery, however, although the 6-0 reverse at Reading may have seen us sink to the bottom of the barrel we were to scrape along the bottom all the way through to March 17 and that lucky, lucky, lucky win at Blackburn.

The Team of Shame that day at Reading read:

Green

Dailly, Ferdinand, Gabbidon, Konchesky

Mullins

Benayoun, Reo-Coker, Bowyer

Harewood, Zamora

Newton, Spector and Cole all came on from the bench.

The frightening thing is that you would fancy that team to beat our current side. Dailly at right back was an obvious liability, and without Etherington, that team lacked balance on the left, just like the present team without Taylor. The present side has nobody to compete with the creativity of Yossi and none of our forwards can hold a torch to Zammo, in a Fulham shirt at least!

Green has enjoyed a shut out at Reading since but that 6-0 game must haunt him. Turds was clear on who he held responsible, not picking him in the league until February 24, when Green came back in for the 4-0 thumping at Charlton! Happy memories! Not!

Green will hope for much more protection today than he received back in 2007, but he can't be feeling great after last week's game against Burnley where the only thing he did was retrieve the ball from the back of his net.

In Platoon, Sergeant O'Neill says,  "Bob, I got a bad feeling on this one", and I share his feelings. Reading will be up for this one and we look fragile, despite the great results in November. As I have kept saying, if the luck turns, we will struggle. Well the luck turned last week and Reading will be looking to take advantage. I hope I am wrong and that Rob Green's worst nightmares do not return to haunt him.

Do Reading have an American in the team? If so, put a fiver on him to score the opening goal!

Apology to QPR Fans

Sorry guys. The Toat El-Sheit article was only a bit of fun.

( http://thegamesgonecrazy.blogspot.com/2011/12/west-ham-and-qpr-chase-moroccan-toat-el.html )

 It seems some took it seriously and even wanted Rangers to sign Sheit in January, arguing that Sheit would be more at home at Loftus Road than at the Boleyn.

Now it was obviously not my intention to mislead in any way. There were lots of clues that this was a spoof article, including the fact that Sheit had "made a big splash" and was "Moroccan crap" but somehow some Rs missed these.

My favourite reply has to be: "Getting your excuses in early, just in case he joins the Rs instead of West Ham. Where would you go? QPR, a Premiership club with mega wealthy owners or West Ham, a Championship club with a couple of porn loving old men in charge." Sadly, the author, so keen to see Sheit in the Bush, (sounds like a video you might buy off Sullivan and Gold!) did not leave a name!

Never mind, with Warnock and Fernandes in charge, I have every confidence that you will get your wish mate and sign total sheit in January anyway!

West Ham and QPR Chase Moroccan Toat El-Sheit

With Carlton Cole wanted by Sunderland, and Anelka more likely to move to the Far East than the East End, Allardyce and West Ham are desperately scouring the world, trying to identify forwards available to fire the club to promotion. One target, Habib Habibou is said to be keen to trade Belgium for England, but with his club holding out for a transfer fee, Allardyce is considering looking elsewhere, with North African Toat El-Sheit the latest to be linked with the club.

The forward has triggered interest after making a big splash in the Moroccan GNF1, but West Ham are said to face stiff competition from QPR, with Warnock said to be a big fan of Sheit. 

This all smacks of desperation to me. It looks very much as if any old crap will do, providing it is cheap. God,  he's a Moroccan not a Brazilian! Let  last of the big spenders QPR sign Toat El-Sheit, we should be looking for quality, not competing  with Neil Warnock for North African crap!

New Allardyce Target - Habib Habibwho?

So who or what the hell is Habib Habibou? It sounds like it could be a form of Muslim veil or come in a bag of Starmix. Apparently he is a striker who plays for Zulte Waregem. Plays for who? Exactly! It sounds like a nasty disease you might pick up in a Dutch brothel!

Is this April the First? Surely somebody is making this up! Apparently, Villa , Boro and ourselves are all chasing the guy on the back of TWELVE, YES TWELVE, league goals.

SVZW are a Belgian club apparently. You know, Belgium. Most boring country in the world but giants in the world of football!

The prospect of signing Haribo doesn't fill one with hope and expectation does it? Especially given he is African and we hope to sign him in January, just in time for the African Cup of Nations - if he is good enough to feature!

O'Neil Returns! And Lansbury's back too!

I'm not a big fan of Gary O'Neil as a player, but it is great to see the guy is back and playing after that horrific injury against Villa at the fag end of last season. Apparently he is a bit "stiff" at the moment, and that has nothing to do with internet sites he has been visiting, but after over 7 months out, that's hardly surprising! There were rumours that his career might be over so it is great that he has defied the odds thus far. However, as Ashton showed, chickens should not be counted quite yet.

The return of Lansbury is fantastic news. We haven't seen the best of this boy in Claret and Blue yet but performances for the England U21's, and the new contract awarded by Arsenal, suggest that he should be good enough to hold down a regular place in the side.