£10 Million to the Blunted Blades in settlement of their dodgy claim over the Tevez affair? Is that a cough I hear in the audience? I am certainly choking at the idea of Black McCabbie and his Board of Bandits pocketing ten million Claret and Blue readies in compensation for having a crap team and surrendering in the "loser takes nothing" showdown with Wigan Pathetic two years back. Tevez relegated Sheffield United did he? Wasn't he in the team that laid down and died at Bramall Lane and didn't he play a part in stuffing Wigan on their own dunghill a couple of weeks later? Based on those two games, Tevez and his rude mechanicals did their level best to keep the Stained and Steel-less in the division, so it's hardly our fault that Warlock's Whingers still managed to blow it!
But, to be fair to them, Shafted United were indeed unfairly pushed through the relegation trap door by the misdeeds of one man, the true villain of the piece who single-handedly secured the then hopeless Hammers three points unfairly. But that man wasn't called Carlito Tevez. In fact Tevez did his level best to intervene and prevent this terrible miscarriage of justice. The Red Stripes' actual assassin was not Scarface Tevez but a certain Howard Webb who, after already awarding a soft penalty, allowed Zamora's goal against Blackburn, despite Bowyer handling in the build up and an offside Tevez sportingly preventing the ball from crossing the line.
Now Lord Justice Nonothing can say that Tevez kept us up as much as he likes but the fact is, that victory over Blackburn halted the most disastrous run in my living memory and served as the springboard for our Great Escape. Until that goal was given, we were dead and buried and all Tevez's goals would have come to nothing had we failed to win that game; and that my learned friend is beyond all argument! So come on Webby, dig deep son and share your ill gotten gains with the poor Northern beggars. Carlito is innocent! It was Webby what done it!
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