No Nails In Newcastle

How nervous must the Toons fans be this week? I well remember the prolonged agony of the Great Escape - the surge of hope that accompanied a victory and the agony of doubt that followed a defeat. Remember the despair after the 3-0 thumping at the Blunted Blades and the 4-1 reverse at home to Chelsea? Remember dreaming of the impossible after that 3-0 romp away to Wigan and the 3-1 home victory over Bolton?

But nothing compared with that final week: the long, protracted stay of execution - the permutations and calculations and the fear of a deal done in a smoke filled room between Wigan and Shafting United. We had scaled an impossible mountain and our fingers were within touching distance of the peak, but the rope was frayed to the point where...well just thinking of the consequences made me feel physically sick, literally.

Like we were, Newcastle are the big boys in the race to avoid the drop. Boro? Hull? Like Sheffield United and Wigan, they are not really Premiership clubs. Their natural place is in the Championship, in the second tier of English football. But Newcastle? Love them or hate them, there's no denying that they belong at the top table.

There will be twists and turns on Sunday, just as there were on that wonderful day in May 2007. It seems very likely that the Mancs will take the lead at Hull, at which point a draw will be enough for the carToons. Hope will surge, the Geordies will find their voices, the players in black and white will sense that they are in the box seat if only they can keep Villa out...if only, if only they can keep Villa out. But as the need for a point becomes an imperative, so those Newcastle players will drop deeper and deeper, inviting Villa on. Owen will get a chance on the break and will probably hit the bar. News will come through, the Mancs have scored again and the Barcodes are safe if they can just hold on for that point. Five minutes remaining and Shearer signals for Owen to come off. Villa surge forward, Newcastle shrink back. Into extra time, and still they have the point, still they have the lifeline. And then... freekick just outside the box. Newcastle players complain, circle the ref, all to no avail. Harper forms his wall, hearts are in mouths, hands on testicles, fans can't watch, the result comes through from Hull, Manchester United have won 2-0, Barry stands over the freekick, so does Young...but standing five yards behind them is former Toon Milner...and it is written in the stars as his foot connects, bends the ball up and over the wall, dipping down and down, just inside the angle of post and bar, bulging the net...

We all know it is going to happen...especially those poor Geordies contemplating the gallows pole as the hours tick down, tick down, tick down, tick...down.