Newcastle Don't Want Curbishley

What? Newscastle United don't want Alan Curbishley as their new manager? I always knew the carToons Board were a bit mad but now they seem to have taken complete leave of their senses. How can a club like the Barcodes afford to ignore the claims of Curbishley, a man whose record is beyond question?

Newcastle have not won a trophy in God knows how many years (Early 1970s Fairs Cup wasn't it?)and neither has Curbishley. So instead of the crazy surge in expectation that accompanies the appointment of any Newscastle manager, if Alan were appointed, everybody would be resigned to things continuing much as they have done for the last 40 or so years. Curbishley could sweep into Newcastle promising a "year of two of consolidation" before building towards a sustained period of mid table mediocrity.

All ridiculous notions of playing exciting flowing football could be consigned to the rubbish bin overnight because Alan knows only too well that attacking play can leave you open at the back. Why pass ten times when a simple lump from your centre half can put you in the position where, if it falls to one of your players, you might have a shot on goal? Let's face it, if the ball is in the opposition half, and better still so high in the air that it is almost in orbit, then you can't concede can you?

Better still, by appointing Curbishley, Newcastle could possibly trigger a return to the fold of a host of old favourites. Bowyer, Dyer, Solano, Bellyache...you can bet your overdraft that Curbishley would do his best to sign all of them. And we all know how Newcastle fans idolise a returning hero! Then there are Davenport and Quashie, mysteriously deemed surplus to requirements by new West Ham manager Gianfranco Zola - surely they could do a job in the Fizzy Pop? And who knows, Alan might use his powers of persuasion to entice Freddie Lungburst back into the English game. Curbishley knows from his time with Eggert that a fool and his money are easily parted so he would fit in perfectly at Newcastle!

It seems to me that Curbishley and Newcastle would be a marriage made in heaven. He could guarantee the Geordies mid table obscurity for the next 20 or so years. So what that it would be in the Fizzy Pop? Alan knows that stability and certainty and consolidation are what counts. Shearer? What does he know about winning nothing?