West Ham United have issued a statement following the shock death of the greatest talent ever to have walked upon the face of the moon. The spokesman said: "In common with every single person in the world, we are in a state of shock following the death of Michael Jackson. At the moment we are struggling to come to terms with this and to believe it has actually happened. How can a god die? Like everybody else, we thought Michael was immortal."
He continued: "Many people do not understand the ties Michael has with our club. He was in fact a fanatical West Ham fan and wrote his greatest ever hit "Thriller" after watching a game at Upton Park, a League Cup third round replay at home to West Brom in 1981. We lost 1-0 but Michael was gripped by the game and said over and over, 'That was a thriller, thriller night, Killer, diller, chiller, thriller here tonight'. Sadly, we believe our defeat and shock exit from the cup distressed Michael more than anybody realised at the time and it is perfectly possible that this was the event that triggered Michael's subsequent mental instability."
He added: "This was not Michael's only visit to the club. He was very keen to see our training facilities and particularly to see the work done by Tony Carr and his team. You can imagine how excited the young Hammers were when Michael arrived to watch them training. I think it is safe to say that Michael reached out and touched every single one of the Academy boys."
He continued: "Michael was also a great fan of our club song. He really did love his pet chimp Bubbles and sang 'I'm forever blowing bubbles' with tremendous gusto."
He added: "And now that Michael has moon walked off this mortal coil, we are free to reveal his closest guarded secret, the explanation for his face changing operation. This was his ultimate expression of support for the club as he strove to look like his all time favourite Hammer, Iain Dowie."
He concluded: "This is the club's darkest hour. We are planning to turn our first home game of next season into a Memorial Game for Michael and, in tribute to the guy, all nonces will be allowed in at a 50% discount. How tragic that this great man is no longer with us."
You have excelled yourself. Why the need to comment on something that has nowt to do with West Ham?
ReplyDeleteRidiculous, utterly utterly ridiculous.
The death of Michael Jackson has touched everybody in the World and indeed on the Moon. Your dismissal of his links with West Ham expose you as a jealous Cockyfool. Why else did he called the chimp Bubbles? Heathen! The greatest human being ever to have been born has just died. Show some respect!
ReplyDeleteOnly you could take the Michael out of someone dying. You've hit the bottom. Just as bad as your crocodile "joke"
ReplyDeleteFanno, that's bad...
ReplyDeleteConstantly winding people up, you don't stop until you get enough, do you?
Playing with people's emotions, that's dangerous, you're really off the wall you are.
The fella's only just shaken his body down to the ground.
Did you see the outporing of emotion at the hospital... got to be there.
The Machine is right!
ReplyDeleteYou have excelled yourself!
Absolutely brilliant.Your pieces make days that I am stuck in the office bearable.
Keep it up.
I like the way you're turning WHU into some kind of Forrest Gump.
Innocently changing the world.
It's stupid posts like this that make people hate you.
ReplyDeleteYouv're written some decent stuff (suprisingly) recently, don't ruin it now!
1123 Has somebody died? I thought he had melted.
ReplyDeleteYou really are a c@*$ I am embarrassed that you support West Ham do F@£$ off
ReplyDeleteWhats the difference between Michael Jackson and Sir Alex Ferguson??
ReplyDeleteOnly Fergie will be playing gigs this August!
again, Ricky Gervais, Peter Kay you 'aint. Is Jim Davidson a West Ham fan? Coz it's just so weird how you have same lame dodgy sense of humour as him.
ReplyDelete1210, I expect your heart is bleeding along with the rest of the world. The satire is based on the collective outpouring of grief and expressions of complete and utter shock. How many 50 year olds die from heart attacks I wonder?
ReplyDeleteSuperb. Hammers fans have an extraordinary sense of humour.
ReplyDeleteToonArmyUSA
You made this up to gain a step up the NewsNow ladder, You have brought shame to West Ham United with this post and to its great fans, i can only presume you are a sad little person sitting in a dark room alone with no freinds or family punching out nonsense posts to gain some kind of recognition, i can gladly say this will be the last post i will ever read from this non West Ham United website.
ReplyDeleteR.I.P MJ
I've noticed that articles from this site haven't been listed on Newsnow for a few days now?
ReplyDeleteYou really are a sad lonely OLD prick. You have as others have said certainly excelled yourself and lets just hope that the Grim Reaper comes calling sooner rather than later for you
ReplyDelete1452, still on News Now but there are two pages linked to West Ham. This is appearing on All Sources. I don't like the change personally. If others don't, they could feed back to News Now. Presumably you have saved the page to favourites?
ReplyDeleteSaved to my favourites, you must be joking I try and avoid your blog as best I can but can't help myself and slip up now and again but I am sure there is a cure somewhere.
ReplyDeleteI think you need some psychological help, cashing in on millions of people misery makes you an anti-christ..enjoy your week
ReplyDeleteJackson was an upmarket Gary Glitter, only difference was he had the cash and power to be a dirty paedo in his own country - GG had to bugger off to some slum country for his perversion. The General Public are priceless, if your a good singer and dancer you can get away with anything!
ReplyDeleteA paedophile, monkey loving sodomist and bum bandit is so unhappy with his billionaire life that he changes his skin colour and body parts then dies from a heart attack at 50. The drugs got to him eventually. Just because he used to make good music he gets hero worshipped? The world is mad alright. Move on nothing here.
ReplyDelete2115, are you distraught poor man? The mighty Jacko is no longer with us, the world is in mourning, nobody but nobody is telling any jokes whatsoever about the guy...
ReplyDeleteThe funny thing is the poor sods who bought tickets on the black market to see him.