The Return Of The Ginge!

Is it a deformed carrot? Is it a lump of rust? No it's SuperJames! As if we aren't in enough trouble already, we come up against James Ginge Collins tonight, determined, no doubt, to prove West Ham wrong for selling him. He's already said that he didn't want to go and was effectively driven out and I'm sure he is utterly focused on putting one over on Zola, Clarke, Nani or Duxbury, whoever was responsible for the decision to let him go. Now he has promised that he won't celebrate if he scores, but if it was me, I would seek out Duxbury, point so the fans understand, and give him a wanker sign! But then if it was me, I would seek out Duxbury and give him a wanker sign anyway!

Collins will be welcomed back with genuine affection. Some did not fully appreciate his qualities when he was in the team, mistakenly believing that the beaujolais nouveau that is Tomkins was in fact already vintage claret. As they say, you don't know what you have got until it is gone, and that is certainly true of Collins. The defence is now as leaky as a ninety seven year old woman's bladder and our results have stunk as bad as her underwear!

Who plays in Collins' place tonight? Well after Saturday, surely Clarke must see that Tomkins needs space to sort out his head. Time and again, he was dropping deeper than the rest of the defence and playing Sunderland runners onside. If he does that against Ivebonkedawhore then it's Goodnight Villa! Gabbidon must return to partner Upson and there may even be a case for bringing Faubert in for Spector. God help us, talk about Hobson's Choice!

No predictions here, except that Collins will look better than whoever partners Upson. Let's hope that's not enough to stop us winning!