With Dean Ashton revealing that West Ham will be paying him £65k a week for the next 4 years, Sullivan and Gold are exploring opportunities to exploit the Ashton brand.
A chain of "Deano Pizzas" will be hitting the high street soon and toy stores will feature a new doll ready for Christmas, "Non Action Man". A range of Piggy Banks will also be launched, featuring a pig shaped Beano on three legs, holding a lame foot in the air. As you push money into its mouth, the Beano grunts, "More, more".
The club shop will no longer stock XXL shirts for the fuller figured man, henceforth they will be known as Beano Size. With obesity on the increase, the club are also planning to launch Ashtons, the male version of Evans, the Outsize Shop. Plans are also afoot for Ashton to launch a career in pop music, with a cover of the Dire Straits classic "Money For Nothing".
Ashton however retains the best franchise of all, the license to print money!
Whatever, hardly his fault, you would have done the same thing?
ReplyDeleteYou bet I would! And if fans had been irate about it, I would have understood. Never mind Sullivan and Gold tearing their hair out, how does Ashton think the fans feel? Sod them eh Beano?
ReplyDeleteIf this is meant to be funny it isn't. I see you still maintain to be a Hammers supporter yet I can't remember your last positive post? Dean Ashton was the finest centre forward we have had at this club in a very long time who was incredibly unfortunate with injuries. The contract he signed was hardly his fault and he was one of the most popular players at the club on his day. This is misguided puerile rubbish. Grow up.
ReplyDeleteYep, you are right. £65k a week for the next four years. How much did Moore earn over his full career? Nice work if you can get it!
ReplyDeletebusiness as usual for this blog then? i can understand why you'd try and out out some funny stuff on some of the news about west ham every now and then but the stuff you do just isn't funny in the slightest.
ReplyDeletenone of it is even remotely amusing to read.
what a f*cking rubbish blog. consistently.
i'll be choosing to ignore this from newsnow here on. it isn't even worth looking at.
loser.
So shite
ReplyDeleteAnother load of old pony from you! Ashton did what 100/100 would do and signed the contract.
ReplyDeleteProblem with the internet, it gives people like you access to an audience via newsnow to spout unfunny, immature rubbish.
To be honest I wouldn't be surprised if you were actually a tottington hotsh*te fan. Same guy that is so ready to complain about everything on match day instead of getting behind the team. If we roar the boys on they do well but people like you sit there whining when a pass goes astray and only start singing when we're winning. Supporter def.(n) one who supports. Capiche?
ReplyDeleteyou genrally are a complete A Hole
ReplyDeleteLovely stuff. Now we have a "Mock Ashton" article.
ReplyDeletePerhaps you should do a write up on the Haiti disaster also? That was pretty funny too, no?
Please, do some more pizza/fat people gags..i can't get enough of your humour right now!
I agree it is not Ashton's fault he was offered that kind of money over such a long period.It was the fault of the idiotic management at that particular time. I have always thought solicitor's as being weird people living on a different planet to the rest of us and Duxbury was no exception. Ashton had bad luck with his ankle and good luck with the money, both were bad news for the supporters. He got sympathy from us for his injury and should keep his mouth shut about his dosh. £65,000 a week would last me comfortably for two years.If I was the D's I wouldn't be at all happy about buying into that kind of incompetence no sensible owner's would. H F has got it right laugh about it otherwise you will cry about the unbelievable "bogrotten way" West Ham was being run.
ReplyDeleteMust be the school holidays again as you seem to have even more time than normal to write utter crap. Why don't you pop round and see Stani while he is in your favourite position.
ReplyDeleteYou must be the most thick-skinned animal God put here since the Rhinoceros, surely you must be but riddle me this: It does not take a genius to see that you’re an intelligent person, nor does it take a mastermind to work out that you are a West Ham supporter (that term loosely of course Jim). Neither does it take an intellectual giant to see that you do all of this just to wind people up and get a reaction. The riddle and for me this is enormous Your mission, should you decide to accept it Jim, is to explain to ‘us’ why you do it and how do you keep it up? Sub text to your mission Jim, is what is your clandestine objective in all of this, isn’t life too short, aren’t there better more important or exciting things to do with your life, or is it you just haven’t got one beyond your key board and this is how you get your kicks? One intelligent person to another Jim it certainly seems like you haven’t got a life; as always, should you or any of your IM force be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. This blog will self-destruct in five seconds, oh God if only.
ReplyDeleteYou guys are incredible! Ashton is collecting £65k a week and bleeding our club dry. Yes I would have signed the contract, yes I would have held the club to the contract, but that doesn't stop it hurting. We may well have to sell Parker to cover the cover, have you thought about that? I have to work 16 months to earn what Ashton will collect in a week! And what will he do to earn that money?
ReplyDeleteTo compare Ashton with Haiti is truly absurd. Do you have no sense of perspective? Moron! Perhaps Dean could send a week's wages out to Haiti. That would provide for 65 families for a whole year! Perspective. Perspective.
For anyone wondering why Ashton will never be able to play again:
ReplyDeletehttp://tinyurl.com/yblfhbp
1816, somebody quoting Star Trek is asking if I have a life? I have Jim, but not as you know it!
ReplyDeleteBeam me up Beano as Duxbury said as he dropped his trousers and bent over that contract!
Blimey, talk about kick a man while he's down!
ReplyDeleteHis career is over at the age of 26 and it's hardly through his choice is it? The poor sod deserves some sympathy/empathy for god's sake not an attack like this.
He has a contract with his employer that should quite rightly be honoured. That's not his fault in any way.
It's the club that gave him the contract so why not aim your immature and unfunny attacks at them instead?
You're quite clearly intelligent but a complete a***hole sometimes to boot.
So are you suggesting Ashton should rip up his contract?
ReplyDeleteWould you?
Yeah of coarse you would.
"We may well have to sell Parker to cover the cover, have you thought about that?"
ReplyDeleteNo because we live in the real world, not your speculative made-up world.
Of coarse we won't have to sell Parker to pay for it you mong. Firstly, there are others we would sell before Parker. Secondly, it's not even 65kpw, this is just a guess, or a made-up number from the newspapers. Thirdly, from what Ashton says, they are trying to negotiate some sort of deal anyway.
Keep your bleedin' hair on. Just because you are running around wailing your arms in the air, doesn't mean you should pull everyone along with you in your delirious state.
1845, I think you will find that the article is talking about Sullivan and Gold's instinct to make a buck in an unseemly way too!
ReplyDeleteSympathy for Ashton? Dear God! My heart bleeds for the guy!
And Robin, of course I wouldn't tear up the contract but I wouldn't object to people being angry with me for not doing so.
It is not Ashon we should be angry at, it is the morons such as Duxbury and the Icemen who offered him the contract.
ReplyDeleteThey made many catastrophic errors, Dyer being another, which we will continue to suffer for.
I have sympathy for Ashton, and even Dyer to a degree. But Duxbury, Eggert, Gudmundsson etc are the ones that have ruined our club.
Why shouldn't you have sympathy for him???
ReplyDeleteSure he has money but anyone with half a brain knows that isn't everything. For a brief period he lived every schoolboy's dream of playing for West Ham and also England. Before his injuries he also had a genuine chance of going to the World Cup and now all those dreams have been shattered.
I know how much I'd love to have been in his position and I doubt that money would make me feel better if it was taken away so harshly.
So yes, he does deserve sympathy. Possibly not something that you're capable of as all that seems to matter to you is scoring points in petty arguments on your schoolboy blog.
Get a life and some perspective!
On that basis, you and I deserve more symapthy. Ashton lived the dream, we didn't! Your argument is therefore fundamentally flawed. Yes for Ashton, it is a pisser, but when he was given the chance to play for England, he played without hunger, which is why Capello dropped him and talked about his poor physical condition. The people of Haiti deserve sympathy, Ashton warrants a shrug. That's the way the cookie crumbles, thank your lucky stars you don't live in Haiti!
ReplyDeleteHF 1844 Jim Phelps you prick Mission Impossible to get you to understand past the size of your warped over-sized ego is IMPOSSIBLE. I pity your wife and kids fancy having to live with this cnut she deserves a medal
ReplyDeleteShe's got one. CBE.
ReplyDeleteHF 19.23 - Still scoring petty points (kinda proves MY point).
ReplyDeleteNo one in their right mind would compare the suffering in Haiti to Deano's problems but it's hardly a reason to demean his problems either.
I don't understand why you'd be so unsympathetic to one of our own, or any player in a similar situation for that matter. I'd even feel sympathy for a Spurs player in the same situation. I'm an artist and if I lost the ability to paint I'd be mortified.
I can't really see any genuine reason to be so harsh on Deano other than to get cheap web hits and score petty argument points on a blog.
It's all a bit sad really. Surely there's more to you than this sh*t!
I suppose the comparison would be if you signed a contract for a work of art that would give something important to a community of approximately 100,000 and then, when unable to produce it, you still claimed the money. You would be perfectly within your rights to do so but you could hardly expect the people of that community to be grateful to you.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure Ashton enjoyed playing football that much anyway. Lampard turns up week in week out, Ashton missed more than his fair share of games even before that ankle injury. When he had his chance to play for England, he didn't look arsed.
Sadly, a comparison was made between Ashton and the people of Haiti and between Ashton and our soldiers killed and injured in Afghanistan. That is the level of stupidity of some people posting comments on here.
At the end of the day, Ashton has done very nicely out of a career we would all have loved. My heart does not bleed for him at all. Sympathy would have been misplaced with a £1m pay off. he pockets £16m. That is obscene.
It's a bloody article on Dean Ashton, not the Haiti earthquake.
ReplyDeleteDon't tell me that I should be saving my sympathy for a disaster like this and shouldn't sympathise with footballer who's dream has ended. We're talking about football and Ashton specifically, hence I feel for the guy. Not everything in life is about earnint lots of money. Certainly he must be grateful for what he has acheived if you consider the amount of peope that would love to be in his shoes but that doesn't mean he isn't suffering at having had this taken away from him.
Don't talk about the bloody Haiti Earthquake and tell me I should be directing my sympathy elsewhere. If this is where your moral compass lies, then it certianly contradicts a large majority of your articles, which are always slagging someone off at the club or linked with the club.
If you genuinely believe we should compare every scenario to a major catastrophe and count our lucky stars then why do you get so angry about material things that happen at a football club?
"Sadly, a comparison was made between Ashton and the people of Haiti and between Ashton and our soldiers killed and injured in Afghanistan. That is the level of stupidity of some people posting comments on here."
ReplyDeleteThe level of your stupidity is that you are the moron who instigated the comparison!
The time for sympathy was when he announced his retirement, when, inceidentally, we were led to believe that compensation would be paid to both club and player. That was more than two months ago. The news today is about a £16m pay off. THAT does not warrant symapthy!
ReplyDelete"I'm not sure Ashton enjoyed playing football that much anyway"
ReplyDeleteha ha ha!!!
Robin, see 1736 above. I did not draw a parallel, he did!
ReplyDeleteWhat's so funny Rambo?
ReplyDeleteOh I'm sorry, I forgot the obligatory sympahy period was over and we should now vent our anger.
ReplyDelete16m pay off?
This figure is rising and rising!
£65k x 52 x 5 = £16,900,000 actually. Heart bleeds for him! Poor sod!
ReplyDeleteI promised I wouldn't come on here but you post so much rubbish, HF, I couldn't resist.
ReplyDeleteIf we are liable for the whole of his contract we will strike a deal, like we did with Ljunberg, whose deal happened to be far less than he was owed. I know that about Ljunberg as fact. He got about a sixth of the reported £3m.
If you want to blame anyone, look at Scott Duxbury. One bad decision to another.
I have blamed him Jamie
ReplyDeleteLjungberg was in a position to negotiate a lucrative contract in the USA.
ReplyDeleteThen why not write an article on Scott Duxbury instead of trying to dig out a fantastic talent who had it all ripped away at the age of 22?
ReplyDeleteWe saw in those first six months', a player that was England's future no9. Man City away will live with me forever.
Maybe it's too difficult to write something on Duxbury as it will mainly require dealing with fact...
Just read that we've agreed one year's money with him so that's the end of this article. Now onto why SD gave him a 5-year-deal to start with.
ReplyDeleteI have written dozens of articles on Duxbury. Check the history.
ReplyDeleteI see that from this post and from others that people are now giving this site the miss that it deserves. What a load of self indulgent childish crap this idiot posts. count me amongst the number that wont be back. If the rest of you read this go and try a couple of the other West Ham blogs, there are a few out there that are actually intelligent, entertaining and well written. goodbye to this crap!
ReplyDeleteSee you again tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteIf we are paying him a wage I would like to see him contribute in any way, even if it is verbally coaching players. If we are telling the man to stay at home whilst we are gritting our teeth and paying his wage then that is a joke.
ReplyDeleteHF you really seem to be in the minority with this one. Fair play - if your intention is to stir people up good job but I think you need to appreciate a few things. - Had Ashton regained his fitness he was undoubtedly one of the best strikers in the league outside of the top 4. Should we have just waited for someone to buy him? Or should we have signed him up on the basis that if he stayed with us he would have been one helluva player and if he did eventually leave it would be for a decent wedge due to his 5yr contract?
ReplyDeleteHindsight is always 20/20. If we had known he wouldn't regain his fitness and his insurance wouldn't pay out then of course we wouldn't want him to be collecting money from us when he's no longer playing. To me that's not the issue. The issue HF is your incredibly snide remarks against a 26 year old West Ham player who has been forced to retire from the game.
It was a cheap shot blog guaranteed to raise up a storm. Like I've said already If that was the intention then 'good point well made' but I think you will find that as a previous poster has said you are clearly an intelligent guy which just makes your Ashton blog classless!