The Academy of Football 1 The Oxford Dons 0 - Embarrassing!

Well, roll back two years and we struggled to overcome a very poor Macclesfield side in extra time, needing a Bowyer goal after 70 mins to pull us level and avoid utter humiliation. That night Sears started alongside Ashton and Turds needed to turn to Cole to fire us through. Not much changes at Upton Park it seems, apart from the managers; although this time twice as many mugs paid to get in.

Before I go on, I would like to pay tribute to Oxford and their fans. At times it sounded like an Oxford home game as they took up the whole of the Trevor Brooking Lower! Well done - tremendous spirit which deserved better than a 1-0 defeat with a cruel goal in the final minute.

As for our shower of shit, well on the night that Diamanti was sold, we looked utterly bereft of guile, imagination and creative flair. Our corners were hopeless, our free kick delivery consisted of rolling the ball to a team mate standing five yards away, and our one direct free kick opportunity was an off target shot from Noble.

I KNOW that with Diamanti playing, we would have won this one comfortably, even with Barerra giving away the ball every time he touched it, Parker running up blind alleys all night and failing to spot any player on the team who was available for a pass but more than 10 yards away, Stanislas utterly and completely invisible (he was certainly never on the left side of midfield where he was selected to play!), Sears looking as dangerous as a fangless gnat and Piquionne showing exactly why he has scored so few goals over his career! McCarthy came on and got involved in a heated argument with an Oxford player over who was the fattest and Cole arrived too, slamming home a great finish which was unfortunately ruled offside. Apart from that, Cole was hopeless!

Stech was made man of the match which was a joke. He made one good save which was not on a par with a brilliant stop from the Oxford keeper (from a rare on target Parker shot). The response of the Oxford fans to that save by their keeper was excellent, immediately bursting into "Are you watching Robert Green?". The real man of the match was Tomkins. He was the one player who looked "different class" from the Oxford journeymen, the one player who looked in control, untroubled and who appeared always to have time. If only he could play like this against Premiership opposition.

Apart from Tomkins, Piquionne's movement was again impressive and he set up Parker's goal superbly - indeed it was his pull back that also led to Parker's shot and that superb save earlier. Mostly, however, his final ball and finishing were poor. Noble had a good game and showed a much greater range of passing than the hurrying, scurrying Scotty Parker. First half, Faubert looked good too, but he arrived on the pitch late after the break, two minutes into the second half, perhaps after finishing his half time Gallois, and appeared out of puff for the whole second 45. Perhaps he was on strike at the thought of extra time!

Spector also did well. I think he has found his level! Mind you, the poor sod did not deserve the boos that greeted the announcement of his name in the team immediately before kick off. I don't hold with booing players at the end of the game, to do it before the match has started is utterly deplorable. Some West Ham fans have really moved into the gutter!

Which leaves one player I have not mentioned. Ben Haim! My God, what a joke! The guy doesn't run, in fact he barely moves. Early on Faubert encouraged him to go up for a corner - we fielded a short team and only had Tomkins and Piquionne as real targets in the box - but the Israeli point blank refused. You would have thought the opposition half was the Gaza Strip, rendered out of bounds by a 20 foot high concrete wall! He didn't go forward for a single corner and his passing from the back was utterly dire. Can we send him back to Pompey before the loan deal runs out because, based on tonight, the guy is a complete waste of space! Stephen Hawking can move quicker without his bleedin wheelchair!

Bring on Man Utd and Chelsea!

Player ratings: Stech 6, Faubert 6, Ben Haim 3, Tomkins 8, Spector 6, Barerra 4, Noble 7, Parker 6, Stanislas 1, Sears 4, Piquionne 6 Subs McCarthy 3, Cole 4