Peter Pan gets tough with Goldilocked out!

It sounds like a fairy story. Once upon a time there was this little porn baron who sat down in Langans Restaurant and complained, "This porridge is too hot, and this porridge is too cold, but this porridge would be just right if you made me chairman." But when Peter Pan(nu) replied, "You will never land that position, you've lost boy!", Goldilocks got into a proper tizzy, threw a tantrum and has been in a sulk ever since.

Now Goldilocks' "disgusting" comments have resulted in him being banned from the St Andrews ground. It is all silly froth as far as I'm concerned, but I'm less than amused at Gold's apparent ambivalence about the result. I thought he was supposed to be a West Ham fan. If so, why was he unsure whether he would celebrate a West Ham goal if we scored? That brings back memories of the year we went down. We needed to win at Birmingham on the last day of the season to stand any chance of staying up, and Sullivan & Gold told us to expect no favours. The points meant next to nothing to Birmingham, but they wanted the extra £100,000 for finishing a place higher in the table. Some love for the Hammers, two multi-millionaires happy to see us go down for the sake of a hundred grand!

Of far more interest to me is how Gold's father, wife and best friend all cheated on him on the same day! Was it a threesome that Gold walked in on, or did his wife shag the father first then drive over to the house of his best mate to offer sloppy seconds afterwards?