Same Old Defensive Frailties

Okay, our job was made so much more difficult by the sending off but, nevertheless, Everton came away with a point because this team cannot defend for their Premiership lives. Before showing the highlights on MOTD last night, Lineker shared two interesting stats: West Ham were, prior to kick off, the ONLY team in the Prem not have conceded a goal from outside the box; and we had conceded more goals from headers than any other team in the Premiership.

Well Everton did score with a shot from just outside the box and didn't score from a header, so why the headline?

Because for the first goal, we had the opportunity to clear the ball but a weak defensive header - from Piquionne? - put the ball beautifully into Barbiegetthemoff's stride and all he had to do was swing his foot. And for the second, somebody made the mistake of pulling Spector back into our penalty box and assigning him defensive duties. That was only going to end in disaster! Sure enough, Spector allowed Fellatio to sucker him and blast home the equaliser. Why don't teams score from outside the box? Because passing and crossing to players inside our box is so easy to do that nobody needs to swing and hope from outside the penalty area!

So where is Wally Downes exactly? He was heralded as a Messiah when he arrived as our defensive coach but like all Messiahs, he seems pretty poor when it comes to crosses - or so the stats suggest. The last 10 minutes of yesterday's game were agony and, in truth, they would have been agony even if Piquionne had stayed on the pitch. The team were always going to go back into their shell and, when we invite a team on, we are a disaster waiting to happen.

Part of the problem is that our midfield are a collection of short arses. Parker, Noble and Boa all come up to Fellatio's chest and Spector, as we know, should not be allowed anywhere near his own penalty box. As a result, teams know that they can pump the ball into our box time and time again and trust simply to the law of averages. Sooner or later it will end up in the net.

It doesn't bode well for Wednesday. Birmingham will look to exploit their aerial superiority and if Cole is ruled out along with Piquionne, we will be horribly vulnerable defending set pieces.