Monday, 30 May 2011

No Sign of The Beast - Yet!

It is approaching 10am on Monday, May 30th 2011 and we have been camped out for almost a week now, hoping to catch sight of the Beast. Reports of a horned, cloven hoofed creature prowling down Green Street have, thus far, not been confirmed by sightings. Many local residents scoff at the idea that Satan may, indeed, in their midst without them even realising. "I would recognise Salman Rushdie whatever his disguise!" insisted one shopper in Queens Market.

Others claim that there is a distinct whiff of sulphur in the air and that David Sullivan placed an advert in the local newsagent back in January, offering his soul for sale. One man, who was too scared to give his name said: "They retired the number 6 shirt out of respect for Bobby Moore but next season it is returning in triplicate. Who knows which player will wear 666 - but we have been linked with Joey Barton before."

Garlic sales have gone through the roof and wooden steaks are now the weapon of choice in Newham.

But, as we report, there has not yet been a confirmed sighting. Perhaps this is all just a bad dream. Perhaps the rumours are untrue. Perhaps Van Helsing will arrive in time. Here's hoping!
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9 comments:

  1. Anonymous30 May 2011 at 10:16

    'wooden steak'?
    I find that hard to swallow.

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  2. Hammersfan30 May 2011 at 10:22

    LOL Good spot. The idea is that Big Sham eats it and chokes on the splinters! I'm leaving in the typo!

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  3. Anonymous30 May 2011 at 10:46

    if he does appear, can you ask him if he,ll take the west ham job ? cos no one wants fat sam allerdyce !

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  4. Stani Army30 May 2011 at 12:53

    Well if you had your way HF, we'd still have Grant for another season!!!

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  5. John30 May 2011 at 13:30

    You are very scathing of Big Sam and I think and hope you are wrong about the way he will manage West Ham's style of play, maybe on a tight budget he will prove you correct, on the other hand, may be not. Life is changeable, and personally I would prefer a more flexible approach to Big Sam than yours, and other contributor's, condemning dogmatic statements. The man deserves a chance. Lets face it he can't do much worse than his two predecessors' and as a matter of interest who would you have preferred out of the remainder who were available?

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  6. B4V4R14N_H4MM3R30 May 2011 at 17:21

    I'd be just happy to see a Manager in charge who reconstructs our defence and is able to staighten our players out. Zola and Grant were too handsome with our squad. If they cock up the first half in the upcoming campaign, you can bet your ass that Big Sam will find a powerful half time speech.

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  7. Stani Army30 May 2011 at 20:31

    Bavarian,
    I never thought I'd see the word handsome used to describe Avram Grant!

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  8. Anonymous31 May 2011 at 09:04

    I personally don't like the style he's implemented at previous teams. Bolton were one of the most boring teams to watch and then so were Blackburn. The one positive he has going for him is motivation. It's hard to deny that if the team look lethargic he'll give them the boot they need. But is that enough? I don't think it is. Depending on who we retain from the current squad we have some players who can really play it about and get things going in midfield, but with that mess at the helm i think we may be forced to endure some very frustrating ties. Luckily, at times, Championship defenders seem to make some appalling mistakes and we might be able to capitalize on that. But until the season kicks off and the dust is settled, its all speculation. Which is the best thing about football. Everyone's an expert.

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  9. B4V4R14N_H4MM3R31 May 2011 at 11:00

    Well, he may seem different but I had the opportunity to meet him in the pre season trainings camp and he is a preety nice person indeed.

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