Mark Hughes For West Ham

With Clarke broadcasting how inexperienced Zola is and suggesting he is not up to the job, does anybody fancy Mark Hughes when he is relieved of his duties at Man City tomorrow? I know the guy has looked distinctly average at Unreal City, but after Upson and Parker leave, he is not going to have any big egos to deal with at Upton Park is he?

Who knows, with his friends at Man City, he might be able to wangle a couple of loan signings for us. It's a thought, though not a very good one perhaps! Your opinions?

Bottom For Christmas

After Pompey's 2-0 victory over Liverpool, we will go bottom tomorrow with any sort of defeat against Chelsea. And we all know what happens to the club that finds itself bottom at Christmas! How have the club and its fans managed to sleep walk into this disaster?

This blog tried to wake you all up back in August but would you listen?

Upson On His Way To Man City For £12m

There now seems very little doubt that Upson will leave in January. The injury to Lescott and Toure's African Nations jolly mean that Unreal City are desperate for a centre back whilst Tottenham are also rumoured to be sniffing. Who knows, Ferguson may also feel that he needs to add numbers to his defence given recent events.

But never mind the newspaper rumours, the fact that Upson declined to travel with the team for the game against Bolton says it all. I saw the players entering the stadium and a right dispirited bunch they looked too, dribbling in without any discussion, except for a beaming and chatty Mark Noble. Interesting that. Noble was suspended but still made the trip. Upson, the team captain, chose to stay at home. Or maybe he was off house hunting because Bolton isn't so very far from Manchester is it?

The question is, what happens to the money generated from the sale? If it is used to reduce the debt, we are down. If, as Bernhardt has apparently promised through Duxbury, money generated from sales will be reinvested in the squad, how will it be spent? The problem is, we need three players, not one when Upson goes: a right back, a centre back and a forward. What we certainly do not need are more Nani nearlymen. We desperately need proven pros, the Lucas Neill types, who will roll up their sleeves and do a job for the team. We also don't need a bunch of Quashies, Boa-Mortes and Davenports, players who have seen it, not done it and got the reserve team t-shirt.

The question is, can you buy three players good enough to do a job in the Prem for £12m? Curbishley certainly struggled when he tried to "Buy British" in the sense of players proven in the Prem, and Nani has done just as badly trying to identify unpolished gems from Italy. If Upson, an average centre back, is really worth £12m in the present market, then how can we get three players of his quality for the same sum? Somebody has got to pull some rabbits out of hats haven't they? Maybe we will see players arrive on loan until the end of the season as part of the deal. Who do Unreal City have sitting around doing nothing in their reserves?

Unless, of course, we sell Parker for £6m too and start playing with £18m. That seems like the more probable course of action to me.

C&B Holdings Preferable To Gold & Sullivan

(Submitted by reader)

We're football fans and we shouldn't be arguing over who owns West Ham so what's the panic for a new owner all about? What's the worst that could happen if Claret & Blue Holdings (Straumur) turn down Gold & Sullivan's reported offer? The only downside to me is that we don't get to spend in January but, is that all we care about?

G&S's offer is according to the press, somewhere between £46m and £50m but Claret & Blue Holdings only get c£20m of it. The rest will arrive as LOANS to pay off creditors of £18m with £8m for new players. That means at some time, the club will have to pay back those loans to G&S with interest, on top of our other debts! I'm sure they will be looking to claw back the £20m paid to C&BH as well.....

Take a close look at G&S's record at Birmingham because that's what they did there. They bought the club with £750k of debts for £1. They then floated on the stock market to sell shares to raise them £15m! They were hated by the fans who invaded the pitch in 2007/8 season because G&S consistently sold their best players, mainly signed freebies, never spent more than £6m on any player and got relegated 3 times! Sure the club was financially secure because it cared more about making money than it did the team out on the park. And all you that thought Curbs didn't play the West Ham way, just think what it will be like with Alex McLeish at the helm! Birmingham fans regularly chant 4-4-2 for a good reason!

If you think Scott Duxbury is a devious, manipulating, liar just wait for a few lessons from the Karen Brady school of management which made mushrooms of the Birmingham fans. Kept in they dark with manure piled on top....

So if you're a Hammer that is desperate for C&BH to give control to G&S, ask yourselves what we give up if they don't. In reality - NOTHING - except a possible £8m of potential new players in January! Whoop-de fecking-whoo. Hands up all those that really think that will make the slightest difference with Nani and Zola making the decisions on who we'd be signing?

Julian Dicks said after his Grays team lost to our reserves yesterday -
"It's a situation that I've been in before, but what worries me about this current team is that I don't know whether they've got enough fight in the team.You can talk about the problems with finance, the club's future and everything like that, but at the moment that doesn't mean anything if the players on the pitch haven't got the stomach for it."

"Straight-talking Dicks, now in charge of non-league Grays, also expressed his dismay at the squad which Zola has assembled at Upton Park. Dicks says the players brought in under Zola and his director of football Gianluca Nani are not good enough and most have not lived up to expectations."

Well, hear hear Julian Dicks! Well said that man.

It is far more important to our survival to stop Zola and Nani bringing in “fancy Dans” than it is to get rid of C&BH. Bernhardt and his cronies are not my favourite owners but, they have only owned us for 6 months and nothing they've said has been a lie. In that short time they've backed Duxbury, Zola and Nani because they appeared to be pulling the club around after BG's disasters. They clearly now realise that this business plan is falling apart where it showed considerable promise when they arrived in June 2009.

Dyer Straits - Money For Nothing!

Somebody with a calculator at The Sun has worked out that Kieron Dyer has cost us the little matter of £406,666 per game since he joined us, but this headline figure is only half the truth. This calculation is based on Dyer making 18 appearances in Claret & Blue but, in fact, he has only started 7 games, and only managed to complete 90 minutes in two of those, his first 2 appearances for the club! So, based on starts, he has cost us £800,000 per game!

Since August 28, 2007, Dyer has failed to complete the full 90 minutes in a single game! He has also failed to score since he joined us from Newcastle.

Of course some will say he was unlucky to suffer that double leg break at Bristol Rovers but was anybody really surprised when it happened? And was anybody surprised when he disappeared down the tunnel after just 20 minutes against Bolton?

I haven't done the sums but the cost per minute that he has been on the pitch must be absolutely terrifying! The Sun's calculation also fails to take into account the interest charges on the £6m transfer fee and does not make any allowance for higher league placings and further progress in the Cups had we invested that money more wisely.

Dyer has only managed 30 games in a season three times over his entire career, and you have to go back to his time at Ipswich for two of those. It begs the question, what in God's name did Curbishley think he was doing when he bought him?

Zola's Twelve Days of Christmas

It's Christmas! Time for an old favourite!

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
Gianfranco sent to me
Villa’s Collins winning,
West Ham players idling,
Dean Ashton weeping,
Kieron Dyer limping,
Diamanti wanking,
A defence that is drowning,
No forwards scoring,

Five Chelsea goals!

Kovac in midfield,
A fat French tart,
Green’s slippery gloves,
And a right footer on the left wing!

Bad Decision Making To Blame For West Ham's Relegation Woes

Never mind the financial mess we are in, we find ourselves in the bottom two because of rank bad footballing decisions for which somebody, or some persons, must be held accountable. It is hard to work out which decisions have hit us hardest but I have had a go below, listing them in rank order of abject incompetence:

1) Allowing Neill to leave without signing a replacement right back. Spector and Faubert are patently not up to the job and we are hopelessly exposed down our right flank every game. Look at how Eagles transformed the game when he was switched to the left of Burnley's midfield - from 5-0 and coasting, we were suddenly all over the shop! Duxbury and Zola share the blame here.

2) The failure to sign at least one more striker. Cole was always going to either get injured or suspended and yet, incredibly, we started the season with no back up whatsoever. Hines is promising but is not a like for like replacement for Cole and is not yet ready to start regularly. Poor Franco is trying but has no support whatsoever. Duxbury partly to blame here I suspect but Nani has to carry the can because he "sourced" Savio, Jimenez and Diamanti.

3) The sale of Collins to finance the purchase of Diamanti. The defence has been all over the shop ever since Collins left. Tomkins isn't ready yet and Zola and Clarke clearly don't think that Da Costa is either. Against Bolton, Tomkins had an absolute mare and we will be in all sorts of trouble against Chelsea if Upson still isn't ready. And let's face it, if you want to secure your place in the England squad, are you going to rush back for a date with Drogba? Are you going to hurry back for a bruising contest with Kevin Davies even? Meanwhile, Diamanti is not the striker we so desperately need. The guy is a nutter and against Bolton, despite scoring, was a liability for most of the match as he repeatedly gave away possession. Had we kept Collins, we would have won at Hull and probably achieved draws at Stoke, Birmingham and Bolton. Boy what we would give for 5 extra points now! Duxbury and Nani to blame here.

4)The signing of Savio with the Bellyache money. Of course it was a mistake to let Period Pains go but I don't think we had any choice. He would have brained Duxbury and Zola with a five iron had we refused to let him join Unreal City. There was absolutely no need to sign Savio however. We needed an experienced replacement, not yet another kid. We still haven't got one! Nani culpable.

5) Zola's tactics. They are inept. 4-3-3 didn't work last season so why return to it this? Playing Stanislas and Diamanti on the wrong flanks is crassly stupid. The failure to switch their flanks in mid game is even more absurd. Megson swapped his wide players on Tuesday, we didn't. Eagles was switched by Burnley and the game changed. Even when he makes substitutions, Zola changes the personnel, not the shape. He is out of his depth. Perhaps if he had Wenger's team, he might get away with it but Burnley, Stoke, Bolton, Blackburn and Hull all show that you shape your tactics to the personnel you have available. You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear - and Faubert, Kovac and Jimenez are definitely more crackling than cracking! Zola to blame here.

6) The signing of Kovac. Why waste money on yet another midfielder; and a distinctly ordinary one at that! Surely the priority should have been a full back or two and a forward? Why sell Collins and buy Kovac? Mad. Zola at fault here. He had plenty of opportunity to assess him last season so why did he buy him?

7) The failure to sign a replacement left back. Ilunga has been injured and out of form. You need cover for every position to survive in the Prem. Wolves and Pompey have virtually played two different sides in their two games this week. We don't have that luxury. Zola at fault here because he wanted to work with a smaller squad.

8) Signing Jimenez who is neither a forward nor a midfielder. The guy isn't mercurial, he is lightweight and distinctly ordinary. Another Nani balls up.

9) Letting Sears go out on loan and so leaving ourselves with NOBODY to play alongside Franco at Bolton and Birmingham. Duxbury to blame for not inserting a recall clause.

Have I forgotten anything - apart from trusting to the return to fitness of Ashton and Dyer? We could trawl back through Curbishley's mistakes but Zola has had over a year now to get things sorted and we have gone backwards on the pitch - big time!

Who is most to blame? I would sack the whole lot personally and start from scratch. That might have happened had Sullivan and Gold won control of the club but Straumur have what they want, a weak manager who allows the Board to asset strip his squad. The sale of Collins showed Upson, Parker and Green that all the promises from Duxbury were hollow. They are understandably hacked off about being lied to and will be the next out of the door.

Portsmouth Have Equalised At Chelsea!

Dear God, what have we done to deserve this? Was signing Tevez really such a crime?

Zamora Scores Twice For Fulham In Europe

Makes you sick doesn't it? How we could use Bobby now! How we could use Collins! How we could use Konchesky! How we could use Reo-Coker! How we could use Paintsil! How we could use Yossi! How we could use Anton! And, of course, Tevez! How we could use Neill! Harewood might even get a game! Dear God, Sheringham would be worth a try!

Where are they when you need them? Perhaps if we brought back Pardew...

Play Dixon - We Might Qualify For Clubcard Points!

The Official Site is proudly trumpeting that Dixon has scored again! It was only a friendly of course, and it was only against Grays Athletic, but he scored which suggests that he at least knows how to play up front.

He probably isn't fully fit, but that didn't stop Zola picking Dyer did it? With Hines and Cole unavailable, Jimenez useless, Diamanti seemingly reluctant to venture into the penalty box, Nouble considered inferior to Da Costa as a target man and Sears out on loan, Dixon may be our only option.

Picking him may not result in us collecting any Premiership points but, given his red hair, Tesco might pledge a few thousand Clubcard Points to make amends for their disgraceful Christmas card. And we could use the Clubcard points to buy Airmiles to pay for Jimenez's return flight to Milan!

As for Santa loving ginges, that is patently untrue! Surely every one of them has "Any hair colour instead of Ginger" at the top of his Christmas list every year; and does Santa ever deliver?

Jimenez Back To Inter

It's Christmas, so sing-a-long with Elvis!

I got a player from Mourinho,
I put him in my side,
Bright and early in December,
I found my team had died.

I stuck a note upon him:
Return to Inter, position unknown.
No such number, no such zone.
He can't play in midfield or attack
I wrote I'm sorry here is Luis back.

I sent him home on Ryanair
I sent him on the cheap.
Bright and early next morning
He came right back to me.

Mourinho wrote upon him:
Returned from Inter, position unknown.
No such number, no such zone.

This time I'm gonna take him myself
and put him in the Special One's hand.
And if he comes back the very next day
then I'll understand Mourinho's game

Return to sender, position unknown.
No such number, no such zone.

Straumur's Debt Holiday - A Package Tour To the Championship

It's Christmas Time, so sing along with Cliff!

We're all going on Straumur's debt holiday
no more winning for a month or two
No fun or laughter on Straumur's debt holiday
no more signings for me and you
for a year or two

We're going where the stiffs play weekly
we're going down with Pompey too
we've seen Scunthorpe in the movies
now let's see if it's true

Everybody has a Premiership holiday
doing things they never wanted to
so we're going on Straumur's debt holiday
to make Tottenham's dreams come true
for me and you
for me and you

Clarke Commences The Humane Slaughter Of Zola

Anybody remember how Redknapp knifed his old mate Billy Bonds in the back to become West Ham's boss? Well it looks like Clarke has been reading through his West Ham history books and is plotting his own coup d'etat.

How else can you interpret his comments following the disasterous performance yesterday? Clarke pretended that he was supporting his manager and friend by saying, "If there are any faults, if anyone's looking to blame, they'll have to blame me" but what should we make of the following: "I'm the guy they brought in to help Gianfranco. He's the novice manager, just in the game but if anyone wants to point fingers, point them at me."

Great! With friends like that, who needs enemies? Put that through a "strip out the palliative bullshit machine" and it comes out as, "We are in a bloody mess and the manager doesn't have the experience to get us out of it. In a crisis like this you need experience, not a smiling fool who is everybody's best friend, including mine!"

If Zola has had dreams of falling comets and players burning on the pitch, he should listen to the soothsayer before next going into the Boardroom. "Beware the Ides Of March" is probably giving him more time than he actually has. Zola looked like a lost soul last night, staring heavenward as Dyer disappeared down the tunnel after just 20 minutes. He feels the gods are against him but, as Caesar discovered, he needs to look much closer to home for the main threat to his job.

As an Italian, Zola should have no difficulty in mastering the Latin. "Et tu Clarkie? Then fall Zola!"

Bolton 3 West Ham 1 - A "Comedy" of Errors!

One flash of brilliance apart, with Ilunga, Franco, Collison and Diamanti actually stringing passes together and Diamanti scoring, we were awful. Some people were saying that we were too good to go down; bollocks, we are too bad to stay up! Time and again school boy errors result in us conceding whilst "creatively", we are utterly and completely clueless. Such is our paucity of options up front that Zola was reduced to sending on Da Costa to play as a striker. What a bloody joke! I thought that was why we bought Diamanti?

Let's go through the goals conceded. The first resulted from Tomkins giving away the ball three times in the space of 30 seconds. The first time, under no pressure whatsoever, he handed away possession. From the resulting attack, he had another opportunity to clear but he gave away possession again, the ball came back in again and it was Tomkins' head that failed to get distance on the clearance. Back came Bolton and this time they scored.

The second goal was an absolute joke. Green, an England keeper? I always maintained the guy was over rated and boy is he proving it this season. He is a bundle of nerves each time he plays Bolton because they are his bogey team, so just imagine what he would be like in a World Cup semifinal! His error tonight was even worse than the first one at Upton Park last season!

And the third goal? A straightforward cross into our six yard box from a corner which reached the back of the six yard box where Cahill outjumped Tomkins and nodded it home. Easy peasy, West Ham squeazy.

What is there to say about this shambles? Nothing. Zola's tactics were again all at sea as I said in my half time report. The idiot even chose Da Costa up front instead of Stanislas when he found himself losing yet again. Clarke didn't seem to get off his arse all match and at no point did Zola even try to swap his "wide" players again. Idiot, buffoon, moron, fool - call him what you will. He needs to wear a jester's outfit, not a tracksuit, he is a complete tactical clown.

Where do we go from here - apart from down? Faubert can't stay at right back, he was dreadful all game. Tomkins can't stay at centre back, he was to blame for two of the goals. Parker looks dispirited. Collison is looking jaded. Diamanti looks good in flashes but only in very brief flashes, like an SOS signal from a sinking ship. Chelsea want Green? They can have him! Parker has already joined Liverpool it seems to me. He gave up against Man United and has looked fed up since. Kovac is Kovac, I think that is the Czech spelling for crap. Stanislas is hopeless on the left because he doesn't have a left foot. Gabbidon is ordinary. Ilunga played Lee onside for the first goal and actually managed to concede a foul throw in the first half. Have I forgotten anybody? Dyer? Don't make me laugh. 20 minutes and off! Surely he should follow Ashton into early retirement? Franco? Poor bloody Franco. He must think he has come out of the tunnel on his own for all he sees in terms of attacking support!

Just think, some clowns thought we would be better without Carlton Cole! Well, you have got what you wished for Grumpy! And to all you morons who criticised this blog for warning what was going to happen this season, how bloody stupid are you looking now? Almost as stupid as Zola!

Player Ratings: Green 3; Faubert 1 Tomkins 2 Gabbidon 6, Ilunga 5 (he was involved in the build up to the goal!); Diamanti 3 (Hopeless apart from the goal), Parker 6, Kovac 5, Collison 5, Stanislas 4; Franco 6 - Dyer (The numbers on my keyboard have broken down!)

For suckers for punishment, my account of the first half is carried below! Not far wrong again you will see!

Zola predicted Dyer wouldn't last 90 minutes but he picked him anyway - and he just about managed 20. Ashton has retired, surely Dyer should follow his lead. What a monumental waste of money the guy is.

Tactically, Zola is excelling in idiocy again tonight. Okay Bolton haven't scored yet but only because they are crap, or have been so far. Tomkins and Faubert have been guilty of two of the most derisory pieces of defending I have ever seen, Tomkins misjudging the bounce o the ball in keystone cops fashion and Faubert delivering his best cross so far this season, into the middle of his own penalty box! Add in Collison trying to dribble across the front of his own penalty box and losing possession and that shows the level of incompetence on display.

Time and again, we are losing possession in our own half. Why? Because there is nobody to play the ball to up front. Franco is half a pitch a way from any supporting players and at some point, probably at half time, Bolton are going to wake up to the fact that they don't need four men to mark him! Yet again, Diamanti and Stanislas are on the wrong flanks so again we cannot get the ball into crossing positions. We reach the edge of the box, then go nowhere because any runner will be offside unless somebody goes past a defender and pulls the ball back. It is so bloody obvious! But Zola still can't see it!

Bolton will score second half and I can't see how we will. Diamanti and Franco have barely touched the ball and creatively, we are not at the races. The only solution is to move Stanislas up front, switch Collison wide right and Diamanti wide left, then we might see us progress into Bolton's half at least. The long out ball to Stanislas might even be an option!

I would say that first half was dire but Dyer didn't manage half of the first half did he? And to add to the sheer incompetence, Ilunga took a foul throw in his own half and Dyer was stripped and in the bath before Stanislas even got off the sub's bench. My prediction? 2-0.

Pathetic!

Bolton 0 West Ham 0 Half Time Report - Laughably Poor!

Zola predicted Dyer wouldn't last 90 minutes but he picked him anyway - and he just about managed 20. Ashton has retired, surely Dyer should follow his lead. What a monumental waste of money the guy is.

Tactically, Zola is excelling in idiocy again tonight. Okay Bolton haven't scored yet but only because they are crap, or have been so far. Tomkins and Faubert have been guilty of two of the most derisory pieces of defending I have ever seen, Tomkins misjudging the bounce o the ball in keystone cops fashion and Faubert delivering his best cross so far this season, into the middle of his own penalty box! Add in Collison trying to dribble across the front of his own penalty box and losing possession and that shows the level of incompetence on display.

Time and again, we are losing possession in our own half. Why? Because there is nobody to play the ball to up front. Franco is half a pitch a way from any supporting players and at some point, probably at half time, Bolton are going to wake up to the fact that they don't need four men to mark him! Yet again, Diamanti and Stanislas are on the wrong flanks so again we cannot get the ball into crossing positions. We reach the edge of the box, then go nowhere because any runner will be offside unless somebody goes past a defender and pulls the ball back. It is so bloody obvious! But Zola still can't see it!

Bolton will score second half and I can't see how we will. Diamanti and Franco have barely touched the ball and creatively, we are not at the races. The only solution is to move Stanislas, switch Collison wide right and Diamanti wide left, then we might see us progress into Bolton's half at least. The long out ball to Stanislas might even be an option!

I would say that first half as dire but Dyer didn't manage half of the first half did he? And to add to the sheer incompetence, Ilunga took a foul throw in his own half and Dyer was stripped nd in the bath before Stanislas even got off the sub's bench. My prediction? 2-0.

Pathetic!

Team and Tactics for Bolton

We need a game against Bolton like Cameron needs a salacious press story about his fagging at Eton. We go into the game on the back of an utterly uninspired and insipid surrender at Birmingham, whilst Bolton come into the match adrenaline pumped after one of the Premiership games of the season against Man City. A win for Bolton should see them climb out of the bottom three, whilst defeat for ourselves will see us sink further beneath the survival line. Remember a certain game at Bolton under Pardew? We went into the match with injuries to key players and on the back of a string a poor results. We were thumped 4-0. If that is too painful, how about the 1-0 defeat under Roeder which effectively sealed our last relegation? Or,of course, we have already had a dress rehearsal earlier in the season, when again we came away empty handed.

Whilst Zola will be confusing his players with 4-5-1 and 4-3-3 permutations, Megson will keep it all very simple. Get in their faces, bully them off the ball, look for second phase possession, win as many set plays as possible. Zola will be preparing a bantamweight boxer, and Megson sending out a heavyweight slugger. With our glass jaw, the result looks frighteningly predictable!

And to be fair to Zola, what options does he have? Without Cole, we don't have an attack and we have also lost an important key to defending corners. Dare he bring in Nouble? The kid will give us inches but, from what I've seen, nothing much else! One thing's for sure in my mind, this nonsense of leaving Franco utterly isolated and of playing Stanislas and Diamanti on the wrong flanks must stop. I doubt that Dyer is ready yet to make a start so my team would be 4-4-2 and would read: Green - Spector, Da Costa, Upson (if fit, otherwise Tomkins) Ilunga - Collison, Parker, Kovac, Diamanti - Franco and Stanislas. The decision to leave out Gabbidon might seem controversial but I don't think he is good enough in the air for this match and these opponents. For the same reason, I have gone with Spector over Faubert. I hate picking Kovac but I can't see an alternative unless Dyer is up to starting - and that is very unlikely. I also hate pinning Diamanti to the flank, albeit the correct flank to suit his left foot, but can anybody see him coping against the Bolton bruisers in the middle of the park?

Do I fancy that team to win? No. Do I fancy it to draw? No. I see this game as pretty much a home banker to be honest, just as I did when Pardew led a dispirited and limping bunch up to Bolton for what proved to be his final game. Who knows, a defeat by a similar margin might just trigger the end of Zola's tenure too.

These are dark days as we take the field beneath the shadow of the dark satanic mills.

Straumer Sign Our Premiership Death Certificate

If The Times are right, and Straumer are rejecting the Sullivan & Gold offer, then we can kiss goodbye to the Premiership. We keep reading about all these players we are after but we don't have a pot to piss in so how the hell are we going to sign anybody? The squad isn't good enough, even when Carlton and Upson return to fitness, and players will be shipped out in January - I guarantee it.

Like I have kept warning, Straumer don't give a damn about us as a club. We are figures on a balance sheet, nothing more. The club enters its death throes as soon as we hit January still under Straumer's ownership. It seems that Duxbury's days may not be over after all. What will be his latest role? Funeral director?

Duxbury's Days Numbered

With Gold and Sullivan having declared their hand and other bids supposedly on the table, it seems as if Duxbury's reign may be coming to an end. Gold is quoted as saying, "I think we are a formidable trio - Karen Brady, David Sullivan and myself" so that pretty much confirms that Scotty will be jettisoned should the bid succeed, with the Dynamic Duo replacing the Joker with their purrfect Catwoman.

We all have reservations about the bid but unless there is something better on the table, we have to pray that the soft porn merchants are successful. I don't think they would dare to part with Cole, Parker and company so soon after taking charge and may even be willing to invest money in strengthening the squad. But will Straumer deal at £50m? I'd be very pleasantly surprised if they do and not in the least bit surprised if they don't.

Rumour has it that any deal will be done on Friday. I will be on tenterhooks until then, feeling that our Premiership survival hinges on this result even more than it does on the game at Bolton. But if I'm on tenterhooks, that's nothing on how Duxbury must be feeling. Relegation? He might take it, if he meant keeping his job! Well, perhaps on Friday, Duxbury will find out that he is not coated in Teflon after all!

Optimism Knows No Bounds But Reality Has Locked All The Doors

An old friend of this site who posts on the Org has written an essay explaining why none of our players will be leaving in January. Apparently, Parker, Upson and Cole wouldn't fancy their chances of getting a game at the bigger clubs, whilst Green would not fancy a "sideways" move to Sunderland. Well, I would love to see an escalator designed by this poster if moving to a club 8 places higher in the table represents a "sideways" move. This is the same Sunderland team who murdered us in the second half when a player short, and who have got results against Arsenal, Man Utd and Liverpool so far this season. Sunderland will not go down; we probably will.

Our friend also asserts that C&B Holdings will not sell any players because this will reduce the value of the club but he again misses a vital point. Cash generated from sales can be used to reduce the headline debt whilst the departure of two of our major wage earners (Parker and Upson) will greatly reduce our operating costs. If Straumer can raise £50m from player sales (Upson 10, Parker 7, Green 6, Cole 20, Behrami 10), then they can sell the club for the £42m that Gold and Sullivan are offering and come out of the deal smelling of roses as far as the creditors are concerned. I have explained before that this is the accountancy solution to the dilemma Straumer / C&B Holdings face. Why should Straumer care where we play our football next season exactly? They want rid!

The poster's optimism is commendable but is rather like holding out for the perfect job whilst the country is in the depths of a recession. If we move back into the real world, however, we see that logic rather than hope is likely to apply come January. If we are still in the bottom three, which I expect us to be, why would any of the big names wish to hang around? And why would C&B Holdings want to keep hold of them, knowing that, if we are relegated, they will be off in the summer for depressed fees because buyers will know that we have no choice other than to sell.

There really does seem no way out of this unless Straumer accept a bid. The poster, like so many dreamland supporters, is living in a Truman Show Idyll. The bubble he is in is great but, in reality, there is a very nasty dog eat dog world out there and West Ham exist in that world as nothing more than numbers on a balance sheet. Even as we speak, an accountant is salivating at the thought of generating £50m from selling just five players whilst Gold and Sullivan are offering just £42m for a controlling stake in the whole club.

If you were an accountant, what would you do? Let's hope Gold and Sullivan, or somebody else, have been very creative with their accounting!

Official Site Unveil Burial Plans?

Worrying headline on the Official Site: "Zola ready to dig deeper". Let's hope the club are not referring to our Premiership grave!