Arise Sir Satan of Baghdad

Interesting Honours List. Salman Rushdie? I'm sure Muslims around the world will appreciate that one! As if Iraq isn't provocation enough!

Maybe whoever nominated him has a poor memory - possibly because he's smoked too much of the stuff that led to Sir Beefy being suspended from test matches!

Will Sherri get his gong in a dentist's chair? Or has he bedded one of the judges?

Oleg Gordievsky? Well there's a poke in the eye for Putin. As if he needed one!

And David Starkey? Who says manners count for nothing in modern day Britain?

Poor old Becks - you would have thought playing away with Rebecca Loos would have been disgraceful enough to secure his knighthood. I'm sure when down on her knees Becca would have said to Golden Balls "Arise sir David" if her mouth hadn't been full at the time!

If Barrymore was dead, he'd be turning in his grave; for the time being, he's just twitching in somebody's anus.