Half Time West Ham 0 Cardiff 0 - Is that Avram in a Doctor Evil mask?

So, were we relegated? Has Grant been replaced by Allardyce? What a pile of shit! Marshall has made one proper save so far -and my Mum could have saved Piquionne's effort - and Green two.  The crowd is silent, there is no atmosphere what so ever, and the players don't even look fresh and fit - so much for Allardyce's fitness regime!

There is no penetration whatsoever - just like last season - and when we did create a chance after a brilliant run by O'Brien, Sears blasted it over the box.

Let's have our first roll of shame shall we? Piquionne looks casual - as usual. Sears looks out of his depth - as usual (which is worrying given this is the Championship!). Ilunga has looked crap - as usual. Nobody is running beyond Piquionne - as usual. Nolan seems to have caught the West Ham disease - he has barely been involved. Parker had a great chance but panicked and over ran the ball - as usual. Parker's first forward pass went out for a goal kick - as usual. Cardiff's best opportunity came after Parker gave away a free kick on the edge of our box - as usual, except Scotty thought he was in goal this time!

The pluses? Reid and Tomkins have played well so far. Green has made two saves but his kicking has been dodgy again. O'Brien looks good going forward but crosses are coming in from both flanks - as usual! Taylor has impressed.

What a desperately depressing 45 minutes! Hopefully Allardyce will lay into them. Hopefully Gold and Sullivan are reaching for the cheque book. Hopefully Allardyce ditches the experiment of using Parker in an advanced midfield role and gets Collison on. Hopefully we will play a 4-4-2 diamond second half, Parker or Noble anchored, Nolan advanced,  Taylor left, Collison right, Cole up front with Piquionne.