You cannot begin to imagine my disappointment at being ruled out until Christmas (at least) by a new injury. After four years of constant injury problems due to the inept medical team at West Ham, I was looking forward to a fresh start at QPR and to unleashing my brilliant talents upon the Premiership stage in the famous hoops of your wonderful club.
Sadly, it seems, your medical team is not yet up to Premiership standards. On the field, QPR is now a force to be reckoned with in the Prem - if we ignore the Fulham result - but behind the scenes, the club is still very much Championship in quality. The treatment room is sadly lacking in home comforts, even when compared with West Ham's, and the medical team are, to be frank, a bunch of quacks.
As a result, I have suffered another injury through no fault of my own. I would like to make clear at this stage that I am NOT injury prone. Any suggestion to that effect, based on my record of just 30 appearances stretched over 4 years, is very wide of the mark. I am the victim of misdiagnosis and medical malpractice. Even the Ipswich medical team cocked up when I went out on loan to my hometown club towards the end of last season - but then they drove into work on tractors and combine harvesters so what can you expect?
Of course I am frustrated about my latest injury and am choked that I will be drawing a salary for doing precisely nothing until Christmas at least - just like I did at West Ham - but I remain proud of my performance in the opening three minutes of the season and feel confident that you will acknowledge the role I played in securing that opening game victory at Everton. I promise you more of the same sometime after Christmas. Indeed I am targeting six minutes game time in January, nine in February, twelve in March and may go all out to make a quarter of an hour in the month of April - although not necessarily all in the same game as that may be inviting disaster.
As I won't be seeing you before Christmas, I would like to extend my best wishes for the festive season. I know times are hard and so you may not be able to buy your kids all that they are hoping for, but I will be thinking of you all on Christmas Day as I rest up my injury in my huge mansion. In fact, I may treat myself to a new Porsche with my December salary.
Take care. I'm off to break a leg - on the turkey I mean!
Kieron
Dyer = hairy munt
ReplyDeletehaha nice... dyer = hairy munt
ReplyDeleteWhy are we talking about QPR again? A friend of mine who is a QPR fan pointed me towards your site and how it seems you talk about his club every other week like there is some history between our clubs but instead it comes across as a bit sad. As there is no beef between the clubs, you would be hard pushed to find any QPR site mention us which makes us look like bitter minnows when we're anything but. Also, with such an obvious wealth of comedic gold on Dyer's situation I would have hoped to laugh at least once at this article. I'm not sure comedy is your field. Regardless of whether you approve this comment, I think you should take my advice as I doubt this is the first criticism you've had on your writing. That last line barely makes sense as a sentence let alone a pun.
ReplyDeleteBlack humor, although I must admit, rather funny. But leave the man alone HF. Just be thankful we do not pay his salary any more.
ReplyDelete1658 Did you miss Dyer blaming the West Ham medical team for his injury problems? Think this is fully justified in the circumstances!
ReplyDeletelol - very funny HF
ReplyDeleteI thought of you as soon as I heard the news ;-)
Cheers planetman.
ReplyDeleteKEVIN IN MANCHESTER WRITES..
ReplyDeleteHe-he. stop being a sanctimonius git 16.58.QPR are a legitmate target for mirth being as they have our cast offs, two of whom have been rude about us, plus a west ham fan that is such a fan he bought the club-qpr that is! plus they are managed by a legit hate figure for most hammers.
very good. Love the black humor. Almost as good as the story about Gudjohnsen.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I do see the funny side about your remarks concerning dyer, I fail to understand your constant digs at QPR! I have many friends who are claret and blue...none of them(ever) have had a problem with my club! Nor do almost Rs fans with you!... Like your man says..it makes you look inferior!! Which I might also add that you are not.
ReplyDeleteHF, the secomd I read about this I sent the article to J. Ross. Waiting for his biting comment.
ReplyDeleteAnd you are absolutely right in castrating the self absorbed muppet. He is hopeless in his delusions.
Great stuff Fanno - loved it.
ReplyDeleteChanging the subject,how much do you think Shrek snr. had on Shrek jr. getting himself sent off tonight?
Maybe the conversation went something like this...
"Errrm look son,you gotta do yer old Da a favour like as the news rags & the rozzers are starting to gimme the pinch like,do summit really daft like gettin yersell sent off like & I'll ave a few bob on yer but fer chissake wait till there's only 15 or so minutes left like eh?"
"Errrm OK Da,i'll see worra can do (like)
Jonny Hammer
QPR fan here. He is on pay as you play deal. S
ReplyDeleteHe is on a pay as you play deal so this letter you made up is a epic fail.
ReplyDeleteGreat letter that. I personally would like to wish you and all the West Ham fans a great season in the Championship and hope you have many great seasons in what is probably the highest league any of your players can aspire to. By the way it's also pretty good in the Leagues one and two something that you may also find out quite soon, hopefully.
ReplyDelete11.13 I guess you're a QPR hanger on (not a fan cos QPR fans are generally pretty sound and can laugh at their own misfortune bit like Hammers fans) so I guess you only started supporting the R's since promotion and know nothing about the lower divisions, football or anything more than xbox
ReplyDeleteyou hammers always on about us at Qpr, why not just join us we are in the prem after all. And last time i checked west ham was not . So bring it on , we can handle anything here at he bush, we have been through enough shit in the last 15 years to handle any crap you lot come out with. Enjoy your stay in the championship because your be there a while lol.
ReplyDeleteQPR fans, we have nothing against you. Thank you for signing all the crap ex West Ham players. Other than that we wish you all the best.
ReplyDelete[Getting back to the original post, I don't think it has much to offer in the way of humour or anything else for that matter.
ReplyDeleteI can't see why some people waste time going on about ex-players like Dyer - he's gone, history, over with, end of!
We (the WHU fans or, at least quite a few WHU fans) seem to have trouble getting over trivial incidents, imo, involving players who have moved on. Ince and Lampard, are just 2 examples. They served the club well over their time and we should be grateful to them.
As for the 'R's, I have a lot of time for them as a team. Yonks back I used to go to their home matches with a school pal who supported them (only if Hammers were away, of course!). It was the season they pissed through the Div3 to gain promotion and Rodney Marsh & Les Allen bagged hatfuls of goals between them. I even saw Rodney score directly from a corner kick! Bet most of you have never seen that in a proper match.lol. :)]