QPR's Warnock to Sign Team of Trolls

Apoplectic because confidential information was shared on a blog, Neil Warnock has sworn revenge by recruiting a team of trolls to attack the sites of any bloggers he takes issue with. Explaining the placing of adverts for "Angry Trolls" Warnock said: "Christmas dwarfs need not apply. I realise that, because of the Tory fuelled double dip recession, work will be thin on the ground for those little chappies this winter, but they are far too kind hearted to meet my needs."

He continued: "Dwarfs are no good to me whatsoever and will be thrown out of the window should they turn up at interview. I am looking for real trolls, mean little bastards who know how to mix it, a team of mini Joey Bartons who can put the boot into the shins of these bloggers and headbut them in the bollocks."

He added: "I've already recruited a few and they are targeting certain sites as we speak. There's one twat who supports West Ham who seems to revel in attacking me personally at every opportunity. I've got that shit's number and my nasty little bastards are planning to give him a right going over!"

Asked exactly what he is looking for, Warnock replied, "The ideal candidates will be short, ugly and as petulant as hell." Mr Warnock's reply to the suggestion that Carlos Tevez would appear to fit the bill perfectly was, I am afraid to say, unpublishable. When the tirade subsided about how Tevez cost him his job at Shafting United, however, Warnock added, "My trolls need to be exactly like my players. They don't need to be particularly talented but they have to be hungry to get stuck in and they must possess a very nasty streak indeed with no sense of humour whatsoever. I plan on calling them my GRRRRs." Warnock cut short the interview when davefking arrived applying for the job.

This site, of course, expects the usual attack of GRRRR trolls as soon as this report features on the News Now boards!