Tuesday, 3 January 2012

West Ham Calling - The Computer Says No!

Poor Doctor Evil must think he is trapped in an episode of Little Britain. Despite shipping out "Andy" Dyer and his carer Lou Gabbidon to QPR, he is trapped in The Computer Says No scene whenever he identifies a player he wants to buy. Kebe? The computer says no. Rhodes. The computer says no. Sharp. The computer says no. Townsend. The computer says no.

You can picture him barging into Sullivan's office and offering the name of his latest target. Sullivan says "Just a minute, I'll check", stands at the foot of the stairs and calls out, "Karren, oh Karren, do we have a nippy winger who scores ten goals a season. No? No we don't I'm afraid. We can get you a slow winger who scores two goals a season if that would be any use? No. What about a fat winger who scores three goals a season? No. Then I'm afraid I can't help you."

Sullivan storms out and bumps into Marjorie Downes who does nothing for his mood by saying "My you're a fat bastard aren't you? Ugly and fat. You're hideous. Horrible to look at." When Allardyce retaliates Marjorie asks, "What was that? No, sorry, I can't understand a word you're saying with your funny Northern accent!"

And I could go on but it is all too much bother trying to remember all the characters.

The point is, buying quality in January is not an easy business.  Just ask Liverpool and Chelsea! Or remember back to McBenni, Mido and Ilan!
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8 comments:

  1. Sav3 January 2012 at 23:09

    Ilan was not that bad.

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  2. Hammersfan3 January 2012 at 23:09

    Check out his career after he left us!

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  3. Anonymous3 January 2012 at 23:51

    James Tomkin... I wish you'd use this blog for the power of good HF, as I honestly believe you could do it.

    You should start a campaign to let the owners know that if he goes to the Spurts, the ballcodes or anywhere else for that matter that we won't stand for it.

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  4. USA Dave4 January 2012 at 00:04

    Read a report that we have met a buyout clause in Sharp's contract so Doncaster must accept. Now up to player and terms.

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  5. Hammersfan4 January 2012 at 00:10

    Won't stand for it? What will we do then? Sit for it? Come on, we will accept anything and everything, we always have and always will. We are the ultimate mug punters sadly. What are you going to do, support another club?

    Dave, he wants to stay up North for his wife to be close to family after the death of their baby boy. Sounds fair enough to me!

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  6. USA Dave4 January 2012 at 00:41

    Completely agree HF. Wasnt suggesting otherwise. Family should come first, even in football.

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  7. US HF4 January 2012 at 00:51

    Does anyone else follow DG on twatter? How does that man run a business. I don't know if the uk English is much different then the US English but he is god awful at spelling. It's like a third grader. His comments on FIFA over diamanti: "they are week and slow"..... He's "week"

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  8. Hammersfan4 January 2012 at 07:14

    LOL US HF, he's from the East End! He can spell dildo now, though for years he thought he was marketing an extinct big billed bird. "Women do what with it David? Doesn't the bill stab and tear a bit?"

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