David Gold and David Sullivan Both Kick The Bucket!

What's the chances of that then? It's not so long ago that the News Now boards were full of reports on the death of David Gold, and now the Wilts Herald and Gazette have written David Sullivan's obituary too! It seems that owning West Ham is a real killer!

Of course, Mr Gold was relieved to discover that reports of his death were somewhat over stated - he was indeed alive as he read the articles, for the David Gold in question was the front man of Woods of Ypres. And now the Gobby One will no doubt receive assurances from his personal nurse - kitted out by Ann Summers - that he still has a pulse, for the DS in question was the Devizes rugby coach.

So it is relief all round at Upton Park. Let's hope Saturday's game isn't too tense - after both being reported dead in the last couple of months, the last thing either need is any heart stopping moments!

(Meanwhile, to stop the PC brigade from wading in, condolences are extended to the family of the David Sullivan who has left us.)