Leeds Announce Two Major Signings

And there we all were thinking Leeds were struggling without two black puddings to their name. What nonsense! With Captain Snakeinthegrass muttering discontent, White of the Whites planning to defect, and transfer targets being missed left, right and centre because Master Bates has refused to stump up the necessary cash, the club has made all us critics look utter mugs by announcing the capture of two stars.

Yes, ladies and gentleman, Leeds United, once proud beaten finalists in the European Cup, have captured the signing of Dominic Poleon and Ross Killock. Who? Well might you ask!

There's huge potential for a spoonerism there of course, with Ross Pillock tripping nicely off the tongue for some reason, but happily the Leeds United Official Site avoided that trap, although they did spell Poleon's first name Dominc in the press release. Easy mistake to make, I'm sure, although I trust it will not be repeated when the lad leads the line for Leeds in the absence of anybody else!

These are not the only signings of the summer of course. Leeds have already landed Simon Lenighan, Sam Byram, the terrible twins Nathan and Lewis Turner and the gloriously named Charlie Clamp. Presumably he plays in one big yellow boot!

But the award for the most excitingly named Leeds recruit goes to Monty Gimpel. Trouble with that dastardly Desert Fox Rommel? Bring out the Gimp!