Sack Allardyce? What an absurd idea!

Woe to those calling for Allardyce's head! It's not his fault. What else could he do? His squad is decimated. Other teams make changes for the Cup. We play Man City on Wednesday. They have had an extra day's rest. The priority is the Prem. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

So, far from sack him, Sullivan and Gold had better thrash out a contract extension, doubling the tactical guru's wages! This is the man who invented 4-6-0 and who wound the clock back to the 1990s this week with the reintroduction of wing backs and three centre-halves. So much for the No Plan B Allardyce, not only does he have a Plan B, he has a Plan C too. It's just the absence of a Plan A that's the problem!

But all he needs is time and a little luck. Carroll will be back one day. Downing will start firing eventually. Jarvis will skin a full back and put a cross onto the head of a West Ham player one day. Nolan will last ninety minutes and score according to all Sam's Law of Averages. Winston will be back. Maiga will find his Premiership feet sooner or later.

And we will sign some players in January, because let's face it, signing up for a relegation battle in January is so much more enticing than linking up with a team looking to build on tenth place in the summer!

So what that we lost 5-0 to a Championship side today? What's the issue? It was only the FA Cup. You know, the only major domestic trophy that the club has ever won! But who cares about that? Allardyce pisses on our heritage. The past is the past, it counts for nothing. Moore, Hurst, Peters, Brooking, Bonds - forget them, their achievements were pointless.

And the Academy! Well we all saw the worth of the Academy today didn't we? Kids? You win nothing with kids! That's why Allardyce never picks them and then pitches them all in together. Who cares that they will be psychologically damaged by the experience? Allardyce will never use them anyway so a sports psychologist at another club can try to pick up the pieces.

And Jarvis and Downing? They weren't inept today, they were just being careful not to pick up injuries. That's why Allardyce used them as non tackling, not tracking back, non running wing backs  and shared the armband between them. They were setting the example to the kids. Don't worry lads, the game doesn't matter, the competition doesn't matter, the fans who travelled up from London to cheer us on don't matter, the reputation of the club doesn't matter, the fact that West Ham fans will be subjected to incessant mockery when they go into work on Monday doesn't matter, the memories of 64, 75 and 80 don't matter. Nothing matters guys, because we have excuses for everything.

And don't dare to blame Allardyce for his inspired ALL-THE-EGGS-IN-ONE-BASKET signing of a crocked Carroll. How was he to know that a player injured when signed might not regain fitness before half the season had elapsed? And as for the capture of Downing, well with nine midfielders on the books, it was obvious that the Liverpool reject was exactly what the squad needed!

So let's get real guys, we shouldn't sack Allardyce, we should build a bloody statue to the guy - if we can find a big enough block of granite to fashion his head out of! Stay calm everybody. In Allardyce we trust. And for God sake cheer the team on because it is down to the fans to motivate the players, not the bloody manager!