Bill Brewer Considering Compensation Claim

Bill Brewer is the latest to join the queue to sue West Ham over the Carlos Tevez affair. Brewer, who claims to have lost his job as a toilet cleaner because of mental illness following the relegation of Sheffield United, is confident that his claim has as much merit as that of Warnock and his players.

Brewer, a resident of Norwich, told journalists from the East Anglia Times that the relegation of Sheffield United had sent him into a deep depression. "I am not a Sheffield United supporter myself," he said, "but I do believe in the importance of fair play. There has to be the same rules for everybody and common standards, otherwise where do we stand?"

Visibly trembling as he spoke, Brewer added, "Look at me, even now I am a nervous wreck. I lost my centre of gravity when this happened. I couldn't believe it. How could the Premier League turn a blind eye to a third party agreement that might have forced West Ham not to pick a player on the instruction of somebody not connected with the club? On that basis Manchester United could have insisted that Everton didn't pick their first choice keeper for a crucial title deciding fixture against the boys from Manchester. If that was allowed, United could conceivably come back from two goals down and win the fixture based on the errors of a teenage replacement."

Sipping from a can of Tesco Value Lager, Brewer continued, "I was perfectly happy in my job until the Tevez affair broke. From that point onwards it was as if my life had stopped, nothing mattered any more, nothing made any sense. So what if there were skid marks on a pan, if West Ham could flout the rules like this, what was the point? Within days I found myself unable to work. In fact, even now, I find it almost impossible to leave the house except to go down the pub."

And Brewer is not alone in preparing a claim. "I know of others," he said. "From what I've been told, West Ham can expect similar claims from Jan Stewer, Peter Gurney, Peter Davy, Dan'l Whiddon, Harry Hawke, Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all!"