Shot Holt Opts To Stick With Delia's Cooking

Explaining why Grant Holt opted to sign a new three year contract at Norwich, a club spokesman said: "We had already offered him a very good deal but when Delia promised him three three course meals a day free of charge, there was no holding Grant back. He literally yelled, 'Give me the pen!'"

"Everybody can see how well he fills out his shirt and there's no getting away from the fact that Grant likes his food. I understand that West Ham offered him a free pie and mash meal five times a week and jellied eels on match days and Grant was sorely tempted, but once you've tasted Delia, nothing else will do."

A West Ham insider revealed the club were bitterly disappointed at missing out on the 31 year old lard arse, explaining: "Sam liked the look of him because he is such a big lump. The club feel that they offered very favourable terms in the light of the present economic climate but, at the end of the day, couldn't quite match up to big spending Norwich City. Whilst we have now missed out on both Yakubu and Holt, we remain confident of signing one big lump or another before the season kicks off in August."