The Ghost of Relegations Past Haunt Corridors of Boleyn

Talk about fiddling whilst Rome burns! With three goals conceded in almost every pre season friendly played, and the team looking shapeless, toothless and spineless, there appears no urgency whatsoever at West Ham.

Two years ago, when we started the season with a game against Aston Villa, we got off to a dreadful start and never recovered. A decent points total from the first seven games, and even that Grant team would have stayed up, but for some perverse reason we waited until the final week of the window before we made our moves in the market - and it's looking as if the same absurd strategy is being employed again.

Of course it saves you a few pounds as clubs offload players they don't want, but balance that against the millions that will be lost should we go down and the strategy screams short termism of the very worst kind. Villa are likely to struggle this season so that first game is a potential six pointer, as is the match against Swansea. A six point start would set us up brilliantly, two defeats or a draw and a defeat will signal a season of terrible struggle.

In those circumstances, we should be moving heaven and earth to hit the ground running. Instead of arsing around "bidding" for players like Carroll and Tevez, we should have taken Warnock's approach at Leeds, farming who is available and who is affordable. There were, and still are, a host of players available on free transfers who would have strengthened the present squad, and certain key positions should have been covered at any cost. Defensively we remain horribly weak and there is still no width nor flair in midfield. Maiga may be the real deal up front but he is unproven in the Prem and Cole alone will not score the goals we need.

It is very, very worrying. Why the hell haven't we learnt from seasons past? Dear God, we nearly missed out on promotion last season because the screaming need for a Vaz Te was ignored until January, just as the screaming need for a left back was ignored until it was too late the season before - and even then we signed Bridge Over Troubled Waters! Just imagine if we had signed Ba in July!

Leeds fans visiting this site have mocked the signing of McCartney - quite rightly! Diame may be a good addition but Wigan struggled last season with him in the team. None of the goal keepers inspire total confidence and whilst Collins is, in my opinion, a good signing, he is not Jesus Christ despite his initials! 

Gold said that going up would cost us £20m but so far we have spent peanuts. That suggests two or three players could be on their way, but there's no point in boarding a Northern line train in Morden at ten past three when the game at Upton Park kicked off ten minutes before!

In my opinion we have already left it too late. The Villa players will be desperate to impress their new manager first game up, and Lambert must be licking his lips looking at the side he is likely to face for the big kick off. Even if we sign two or three over the next fortnight, what chance will there be of embedding them into the team?

Meanwhile, Jack Sullivan will no doubt be twattering that another sensational signing is just around the corner and the HUTBs will scream, "The window doesn't close until the end of August!" but that's like going to bed with your windows open and saying, after you have been burgled, "The windows aren't closed until ten in the morning!". The six points available before August 31st will probably decide which division we are playing in next season - the stakes are that high! - yet Allardyce has been left with a team and a squad that is patently not of Premiership quality.

Maybe, based on their products, the Bukaki Brothers are operating on the basis of what goes up, must come down, then go back up again, then come back down, then go back up again, then come back down then...yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! How much have we pocketed from the sale of the Boleyn exactly? Yeessssssssssss!

Enter a Ghost who says, "I will see thee at Barnsley." Sullivan looks up and replies, "Why I will see thee at Barnsley then."