Allardyce Discovers Facts Of Life

Life's tough. Poor Sam went in to the showroom to buy a Porsche and found that the seven hundred and fifty quid in his pocket wasn't enough. He tried his Northern bluster but the salesman wouldn't budge. He tried to have a word with an agent, not promising any backhanders of course, and there was still no deal.

"But I want a Porsche", Big Fat Sam complained. "No I NEED a Porsche. Why can't I have one?"

At this point, Dodgy Dave wandered past and signalled for Sam to come outside. "What do you want a Porsche for?" Dave asked. "I've got a sweet little motor on my forecourt now. One careful owner. Not many miles on the clock. Gears are a bit sticky. Head gasket may go any time soon, tyres could do with a bit more air, shock absorbers aren't the best, takes a bit of time to start in the morning, but when she's going she's a nice little runner and you only need her as a bit of a run around, it's not as if you're entering a Grand Prix. And at seven hundred nicker she's a snip!"

"But I really wanted a Porsche," Sam complains.

"Need's must," David replies. "So, what do you say to this lovely Cortina?"

Arsenal 5 West Ham 1 - How can the Gunners cope without Van Persie?

Before kick off I warned that Allardyce was asking for a good kicking. God only knows what he was thinking of when he poked Wenger with a stick and effectively rubbished Podolski, Walcott and co. What a fool. He's going to be an even bigger fatter Sam after tucking in to ten helpings of Humble Pie this evening.

What can you say after that second half?

Other, of course, than I told you so!

This afternoon I wrote, "The Arsenal forwards looked pretty decent at Upton Park, and I don't remember watching the second half thinking, "My God they're missing Van Persie". In fact, after Walcott came on, I was praying for the final whistle to keep the score down!"

My half time report was headed "O'Brien in Purgatory" and I warned, "Poor O'Brien. Every time Walcott gets the ball the Irishman is on the rack. Outpaced, outclassed and out of position, he is stretching every fibre to keep us in the game" and predicted, "Defensively we have coped - just. Tomkins and Reid have been good but one of Arsenal's pin point passes will be threaded through the needle sooner or later."

Second half kicked off and Warnock promptly tore poor Joey apart. Tomkins made a brilliant intervention to prevent an immediate goal, but was hopelessly at fault for Arsenal's second, losing his man at the corner. From there on, it was just embarrassing!

Let's pretend the game ended at half time shall we, and wish young Potts well.

Player ratings: Jussi 5, Delel 4, Tomkins 4, Reid 4, O'Brien 4: Noble 4, Collison 5, Taylor 4, Nolan 3, Vaz Te 1, Cole 4 Subs Diarra 6 Diame 4, Potts 999

Half Time Arsenal 1 West Ham 1 - O'Brien In Purgatory!

Well, so far so good, but I haven't got any finger nails left. Odd team selection, but presumably it is down to Cole and Jarvis being tired and Diame and Diarra wanting to defect. Given we have at least three understudies out there, and O'brien out of position, we have done bloody well.

Poor O'Brien. Every time Walcott gets the ball the Irishman is on the rack. Outpaced, outclassed and out of position, he is stretching every fibre to keep us in the game, and thus far he has just about coped, not only blocking the route of Walcott to goal, but clearing an effort from Podolski off the line. If only Demel played with the same commitment. He was on his heels when Podolski lined up the equaliser and, rather than throwing himself into a block, turned his back. Jussi didn't have a hope in hell!

Podolski should have scored when O'Brien cleared, but then so should have Cole, his effort being cleared after he had nearly lifted it over Cesny.

Defensively we have coped - just. Tomkins and Reid have been good but one of Arsenal's pin point passes will be threaded through the needle sooner or later. In midfield, Noble, Collison and Taylor have battled well but Vaz Te and Nolan have been passengers.

And Collinson's goal? It was one hell of a hit and a poke in the eye for want away mercenaries Diame and Diarra!

Allardyce Inviting A Good Kicking

What is Allardyce up to? I know he loves putting one over on Wenger, proving that the science of a haymaker punch can flatten the best technical boxer in the world, but I can't see the sense in goading him about his sub standard strikers BEFORE we play them tonight!

The Arsenal forwards looked pretty decent at Upton Park, and I don't remember watching the second half thinking, "My God they're missing Van Persie". In fact, after Walcott came on, I was praying for the final whistle to keep the score down!

Wenger won't need to give a team talk tonight, all he has to do is pin Allardyce's comments up on the dressing room wall, and invite in a team of translators. Folly I fear on Allardyce's part. Maybe the imminent Diame defection has got under his skin and he has lost his sense of perspective.

Maiga, Diarra and Diame to Depart

Talk about rats abandoning a floating ship! I've made my feelings about Diarra clear in the thread below, and to be honest, neither Allardyce nor myself will worry about Maiga buggering off to France. Diame is more of a concern but if he doesn't want to play for the club, stuff him. He isn't that special as he and Wenger will find out should he switch to Arsenal.

Question is, who will Allardyce bring in to replace them?

http://thegamesgonecrazy.blogspot.ro/2013/01/diarra-can-take-running-jump.html

Diarra Can Take A Running Jump!

Bloody nerve. Diarra is complaining that he was misled when he joined West Ham because, after sitting on his arse injured for three months, he hasn't been ushered along a red carpet straight into the team.

I wouldn't mind so much had the guy looked anything more than average when given the chance to play. At Sunderland he was bloody awful, ten yards off the pace and getting caught in possession left, right and centre. No sorry, that's wrong. He never ventured left or right. Apart from ambling forward for corners, he operated in a twenty yard deep and five yard wide box either side of the centre circle.

Against Manchester United, he looked better as one of three centre backs, but even then he made an awful error that should have cost us a goal, losing possession just outside his own box after dawdling on the ball.

I hate the "I have a right to be in the team" attitude. Rooney has been benched by Ferguson, but he responds by forcing his way back in to the team at the first opportunity. And he is ten times the player Diarra will ever be!

The Noble knockers have advocated replacing him with Diarra, but surely even they will accept that desire is a necessary building block for all teams. Noble has it in shed loads; Diarra couldn't even give a shit in a shed at the end of the garden!

Stuff him. Offload. The sooner he goes the better.

West Ham Fans Should Get Off Allardyce's Back

Bloody hell, I can't believe I wrote that headline. Am I sickening for something? Has Doctor Evil slipped me some drug that distorts the thought processes. I was one of his biggest critics, and I here I am defending the great big Northern bastard!

There's a few reasons why West Ham fans should get off his back. Firstly, his dealings in the transfer market have been bloody good. We don't know how much say he has, but I can't see him as a puppet, nodding through deals for players he doesn't want. From Nolan to Joe Cole, he has proved himself astute - and the fact that somebody like Cole has agreed to sign gives a lie to the myth that Sam is simply a Warnock style kick and run merchant.

What is more, he has offloaded players at the right time, and retained those that we needed to keep hold of. Diame may slip away because of that release clause in his contract, but who else has gone that we wanted to keep? Has Rob Green torn up any trees since taking his terror of crosses to Loftus Road? Has anybody noticed how Spurs are suddenly scoring less goals now that Parker has replaced the injured Sandro in midfield? Dear God, Allardyce even turned on his favourite son on Saturday, taking off Nolan and thereby proving that sentiment does not come into his decision making.

Why did the fans boo when Chamakh was withdrawn? Simply because it meant we stayed 4-5-1 / 4-3-3 / 4-2-3-1 / 4-2-4-1. But the point is, that was the right decision! We were bossing the midfield and creating chances, what we weren't doing was converting them, with Chamakh the principle offender. How much better did Carlton look after replacing the Arsenal loanee? So Allardyce was right!

Of course he is not above criticism. I would have liked to see Taarabt man marked and kicked early doors and Cole released from the wing earlier. But second half changes were made and we absolutely dominated the game. Allardyce cannot be blamed for the failure of Chamakh twice, Nolan, Reid twice and Joe Cole to score from great positions.

Allardyce critics will point to the huge money spent on Jarvis and the huge wages being paid to Carroll, but I fancy those two will deliver over the final third of the season. And the football is better than many are willing to admit. How often do we hoof it from the back? Rarely. Actually, even at Old Trafford with a virtual reserve team out, we played the ball through midfield more often than not.

So I say get off Allardyce's back. He has reshaped the squad superbly and if he keeps us up, he will have done a great job. But having typed that, I really do need a lie down. There's only so much humble pie a guy can eat without vomiting!

Time for Nolan to go?

Something truly remarkable happened yesterday. With time running down and Allardyce desperate for a winning goal, Vaz Te was sent on and Captain Kev was withdrawn. The look on Nolan's face said it all. Bewildered. Shocked. Betrayed. It was like a son walking in to his bedroom to find his sixteen year old girl friend having sex with his Dad!

And you can understand the amazement. If you need a goal, you keep Nolan on the pitch. Normally. Let's face it, he nearly scored two in this game, with one deflection in the six yard box brilliantly saved by Cesar and another headed over the bar. But the trouble is, Nolan's knack seems to have deserted him in recent weeks. It is true that he is still getting opportunities but he has stopped taking them. And his presence in the team is restricting our most talented player, Joe Cole.

We came alive in the second half yesterday because the chains tying JC to the touchline were snapped by Allardyce at half time. Suddenly Cole was allowed to wander, to move inside, to find space rather than occupy a space - and the results were sensational.

Second half we could have scored five. Chamahk should have had two, M'Bia made two brilliant blocks, Joe Cole  was clean through on goal and forced a good save from Cesar, and Reid might have scored two. We pounded QPR and with JC given more freedom, we looked like a different team - fluid, expansive, dare I say impressive.

But we can't have two players sitting in the hole. With Paulista comfortable on the flanks too, the way forward may well be to use Joe Cole in the hole, and then what do you do with Kevin Nolan?

An impact sub perhaps?

Match report here: http://thegamesgonecrazy.blogspot.ro/2013/01/west-ham-1-qpr-1-west-ham-mortally.html

West Ham 1 QPR 1 - West Ham Mortally Wound The Albatross

Normally a draw at home to the bottom club would be seen as a poor result, but I will take this. To stay up. QPR need to win seven games and as each match slips past, so the mountain they have to climb becomes steeper. This would have been earmarked as a three pointer by Redknapp, and our second half equaliser has probably mortally wounded 'Arry the Albatross's survival bid. For as long as Remy's goal gave them the advantage, the Great Escape was on, but with Joe Cole's equaliser and news of Reading's stunning victory at Newcastle, QPR are actually deeper in the mire than they were before the game kicked off.

First half we were poor, second half we were so much better. Noble, Jarvis, Joe Cole and Carlton were the difference. Noble took control of central midfield and picked his passes impressively. Jarvis came alive and tormented Onuah. Joe Cole, allowed to roam, started to dictate the play in attacking positions. And Carlton was a massive improvement on Chamahk.

The loss of Wright-Phillips helped us as Demel was liberated to get forward down the right and our centre backs were less exposed to a pacey break. And Taarabt, who dominated the game first half, went missing to such an extent that Redknapp pulled him off. Tired? Injured? Bored? Who knows with Taarabt.

Our goal was impressive: an intelligent pass from Noble, a superb cross from Jarvis, a powerful header from Cole, and there was Joe Cole, doing what Nolan has failed to do in recent games, picking up the pieces in the six yard box as Cesar parried his namesake's header.

We could have won it. No we should have won and had Jarvis delivered the cross that Noble's clever free kick deserved, we might have done. Shots were blocked, shots went wide, shots were saved, and shots were cleared even when the impressive Cesar was beaten.

We didn't win, but nor did QPR. We need 11 points now and 'Arry needs a miracle.

The big debating point, to be explored tomorrow, is if Nolan is now a square peg with Joe Cole in the team!

Half Time West Ham 0 QPR 1 - Taraabt Tearing Hammers Apart

Well how predictable was that? I could pull up my post earlier in the week and may do so later, warning about the dangers of a one or two goal defeat. Taarabt is running the show and Remy has scored one already and fancy his chances of another second half. Wright-Phillips has also got the beating of Demel and will pose a threat second half.

Thus far, 'Arry has got it spot on and Allardyce all wrong. If ever a game cried out for a man marker, this is the one. Close down Taarabt, you close down QPR, but Noble is playing too high and the centre backs are clueless as soon as the Moroccan has the ball in the hole. We had two warnings, when Remy mistimed his runs, but nothing was done. It was as if we were waiting for QPR to score! Crap defending? Yes. But crap tactics too!

So how do we get back into this one? It's not going to be easy. QPR are set up to defend and spring out on the break. Nelson and Hill are slow and lumbering, but Rangers sit so deep, that doesn't matter. We need to get at them down the flanks, but Cole doesn't have the pace and Jarvis doesn't have the desire. In fact, with Joe Cole in the team, you have to wonder if there is a place for Nolan. We really need Cole in the Taarabt role, not tied to the touchline.

Mind you, even if we create chances, who is going to take them? Chamahk looks light weight and out of his depth to me - although he should have had a penalty - and Nolan's knack seems to have deserted him. Chances he usually buries for fun are hitting the keeper or going wide at the moment.

Worrying!

Diame Set To Quit West Ham

It's looking increasingly as if Diame is the latest Tevez or Demba Ba, seeing West Ham simply as a stepping stone to a better wage deal elsewhere.

Arsenal seem to be the front runners to land the man compared to Patrick Vierra and with a £3.5m buy out clause in the contract, there's little or nothing that Allardyce and the Board can do about it.

And Diame has returned from fitness at the ideal time to put himself in the January shop window. A strong performance against QPR today could prompt a Wenger move. Because at £3.5m the guy is an absolute snip!

Allardyce Heading For Fine and Touchline Ban.

I can understand the frustration, but Allardyce's reaction to last night's penalty decisions was extreme. Yes the decision to award the penalty against Spence was stupid, and yes there was more of a case for an award against Rafael, but both decisions against the defender would have been harsh. In neither case was there a deliberate and conscious decision made to control the ball with the arm.

Allardyce, however, has blown a gasket, ranting, "There was no doubt whatsoever about the difference between Rafael's hand ball and Jordan Spence's. Jordan Spence plays for West Ham away against Manchester United and Rafael plays at home at Old Trafford. It's got to be that simple when you see it. Phil Dowd was in the perfect position. Arm to ball, he [Rafael] pushes the ball away with his left arm. No penalty. Go the other end and the ball hits Jordan Spence's hand. If you give one, you have to give them both. Simple as that. You've seen it for yourself and you can look at the replay as many times as you want. We have a laptop and code the game. I've looked at his position for the Rafael one and it is perfect – straight in line with it, right in front of it. He had a worse position than Jordan Spence's."

"We are very disappointed we are not given a penalty which is blatant and clear for the referee to see. He couldn't find the courage to give it."

I suppose he just about stops short of calling Dowd a cheat, but to term a referee a coward is inviting the ire of the powers that be. Ferguson can march on to the field of play to harangue the officials, but that's different. As Allardyce says, different rules apply to Manchester United!

Manchester United 1 West Ham 0 - Heroic in defeat

Well that was much better than I expected. A makeshift team with two young full backs / wing backs, against a reasonably strong Manchester United, and we gave them a game. Okay, we didn't really look like scoring, but apart from Fatty Dowd giving an absurd penalty, after denying us a better shout, Giggs, Hernandez and Rooney didn't get many chances either.

The formation worked defensively. Diarra made one awful mistake which nearly cost us, so did Potts, and Tomkins was possibly at fault for Manchester United's goal, but those glitches apart, we defended as a unit, and defended well. Spence was a revelation. He was pacey, mobile, confident - makes you wonder why he hasn't been given more of a chance until now. The threat was supposedly down the flanks, but our right hand side was close to watertight!

Of course, this formation won't win us many games, but had we played like that against Sunderland we would not have been tonked 3-0. Other pluses were the return of Diame and the appearance from the bench of young Lee.  And hopefully we didn't pick up any injuries.

Out of the Cup but we exit with our pride intact and the confidence probably boosted!

Player ratings: Jussi 6, Spence 7, Tomkins 6, Diarra 6, Reid 7, Potts 5; O'Neil 5, Taylor 6, Diame 7; Vaz Te 5, Cole 5 Subs Nolan 5, Collison 6, Lee 5

Old Trafford Tonight - A Dangerous Irrelevance Ahead of QPR Crunch

I hate to say it, but if ever a game should be disregarded and defeat accepted, tonight's FA Cup replay is that game. The chances of us getting a result are remote anyway, and the risks involved in picking a full strength team are immense. We are down to the bare bones at the back and must not gamble on picking up any more injuries ahead of a vital game at the weekend.

Many West Ham fans have yet to wake up to the potential trouble ahead, but defeat against QPR accompanied by a Villa victory at the weekend would bring a relegation tussle sharply into focus. Easy points are running out, and a meeting with 'Arry's reinvigorated Hoops is very far from easy.

We all know how 'Arry likes to put one over on us, and victories over his teams since his departure have been few and far between. Add to that the fact that we don't keep clean sheets, whilst 'Arry's back four are now as tight as a duck's arse, and QPR must go into the game as slight favourites. If they start Remy and Wright-Phillips, we could be in big trouble, the one because he will be looking to get off to a flyer, and the other because he scores goals at Upton Park for fun - even with headers! With coupon prices already published, the smart money will be on a QPR win.

And should that happen, the pressure will intensify.

We cannot afford any more injuries to defenders. Reid and Tomkins should, in my opinion, be kept out of the firing line, and so should Demel. What would that leave as a back four? Diarra, Spence, Potts and A N Other! God help us, but who cares?

Allardyce Wakes Up At Last!

Dear God, it has dawned on Allardyce all of a sudden that we need defenders! Most of us have been saying all season that we have sub standard full backs and need cover for the centre back positions, but it's taken until mid January and a 3-0 thumping at Sunderland for Allardyce to Dot Cotton on.

Allardyce is bemoaning the injury situation but what does he expect? Demel, McCartney, Collins and O'Brien hardly have a good track record in that department do they? All of them have had extended spells out of the game over their careers and Demel, in particular, appears to need months of recovery time whenever he picks up a knock or a pull.

The trouble is, clubs now know we are desperate and anybody we do bring in is likely to be a panic signing and grossly overpriced. But we need to act and act fast. The clubs at the bottom are closing on us and we are not out of a relegation dog fight yet. Remember, we were too good to go down the last time Joe Cole played in the team!

Sunderland 3 West Ham 0 - That's what Noble brings to the table!

So, no Noble because of a calf injury and we were lambs to the slaughter. All season the Noble knockers have insisted that the guy is a liability, so perhaps they would like to explain the coincidence that without him, we slumped to our heaviest defeat of the season? Stani and Sav, in particular, we await your response.

Those on Diarra watch, as the man who replaced Noble, will have noted that the guy was responsible for the Sunderland opener with a dreadful defensive header - no distance, towards the centre of the goal and straight to Larsson - and gave away an unnecessary free kick from which an offside Bramble should have netted. They will also have seen sideways and backwards passing and no killer passing whatsoever. They might also have noted just how deep Diarra sat, forcing Nolan deeper to occupy centre midfield. Oh, and then there were the three times Diarra lost possession by dwelling on the ball. Then there was the complete lack of forward runs. And they may have noticed how he looked as if he was treading water as Sunderland broke.

Have we looked this open all season? Have we looked so easy to pick off on counter attacks? Have our centre backs been so cruelly exposed. No. No. No. And why? Pure coincidence that the holding midfield player had been replaced by a French international obviously!

Not that Diarra was solely responsible of course. To claim that would make me as imbalanced and blinkered as those who refuse to acknowledge Noble's virtues. Just look at our away record. The team go out in a negative frame of mind and so get what they deserve. When Vaz Te was introduced, we at least offered something going forward!

Cole was poor today, but what supply did he get? Jarvis woke up second half but was very ordinary in the first. Nolan was ineffective. Collins was awful at centre back until he came off injured. Demel was ten yards off the pace. And, sadly, Potts was horribly at fault for Sunderland's second and was sitting on his arse for their third. The lad will be feeling dreadful tonight and I don't want to hammer him, but God only knows what he was thinking when he chested that ball in his own six yard box!

Any positives? Not really. Vaz Te and Jarvis looked lively second half. We could have scored three second half, but Sunderland should have scored four. QPR at home next week is now huge!

Player artings: Jussi 7; Demel 4, Collins 4, Reid 6, Potts 3; Diarra 4, Collison 5; Jarvis 6, Nolan 4, J. Cole 4; C Cole 4 Subs Tomkins 6, Vaz Te 6, Chamahk 5

Half Time - Sunderland 1 West Ham 0 - No Noble, No Control

Well that was a dreadful 45 minutes. Jarvis could have scored but, for the most part, we have been chasing around trying to retrieve the ball. Why? Because without Noble, we lack control in central midfield.

Nobles's critics repeatedly claim he offers nothing in terms of creativity and concedes stupid free kicks. Well Sunderland nearly scored (albeit Bramble was offside) from a free kick needlessly conceded by Noble's replacement Diarra and Sunderland did score after a dreadful headed clearance by the Frenchman. There was no distance on the header, he directed it towards the middle of the pitch from the left hand side of the box, and he picked out Larsson, the best striker of a ball from distance in the Sunderland team! Brilliant!

And what has Diarra offered in possession? Sideways and backwards passes. The big difference is the loss of energy and movement from the centre of midfield. Diarra looks like Diop, a wardrobe parked in the middle of the pitch!

But I don't want to crucify Diarra here. He is stepping into Noble's boots and that isn't easy!

Cartlton has had no service. Nolan is coming too deep because Diarra is sitting too deep. Cole thinks he is wearing a Liverpool shirt. Jarvis looks ordinary again.

Defensively, we have looked better since Tomkins replaced Collins but Demel looks dozy and slow again. What is wrong with the guy? Potts has been lively however.

How do we save this? Vaz Te is the key for me. Get him on!

Carlton Cole In Mood To Score At Sunderland!

With news breaking that Allardyce doesn't want him at the club, Carlton should start against Sunderland. Despite his goal scoring issues, Cole has a place in the squad, in my opinion, as we look a much more fluid team when he plays instead of the statuesque Carroll.

 

With Cole fired up and angry, I would fancy him to bully Suderland's defence something rotten - and to get on the score sheet into the bargain. Carroll isn't fit and Chamahk's record isn't exactly persuasive, so I hope Allardyce gives Carlton a chance to "Prove me wrong!".

 

There will be a few selection dilemmas for Allardyce. Will young Potts start at left back? Will Diarra partner Noble in central midfield or will Collison retain his place? Who of Jarvis, Vaz Te or Collison will make up the rest of the midfield with JC and Nolan?

 

Given we are away from home, I suspect Allardyce will go with the most "compact" formation, opting for the following side:

Jussi

 

Demel,    Collins,     Reid,   Potts

 

Diarra, Noble,

 

Collison         Nolan            Cole

 

Cole or Chamahk

 

This is a huge game. Teams at the bottom end of the table will harvest points today and we want to be looking up, not over our shoulder. 

Tomkins on his way to Newcastle

I can't see it myself. Allardyce would leave himself desperately short of cover in the centre of defence unless he has a replacement lined up. And, at the end of the day, Tomkins is not what Newcastle need.

Talkbollocks are trying to convince us that the rumour they started last week is true but I would say it is strong odds against personally.

Am I concerned as a West Ham fan? To be honest no, providing we source a reasonable replacement. Tomkins has not, in horse racing parlance, trained on. He will always be limited by lack of pace and I fancy he will never be more than a Premiership squad player, sadly.

Great Name, Shame About The Player!

You would have thought that with a name like Osvaldo Alonso, the guy might be a bit tasty. It's not exactly Johan Pele, or Lionel Maradona or Diego Ronaldo even, but it's pretty damn close.

Sadly, the trialist from Seattle Sounders didn't quite measure up. Like the woefully small Big Mac and the less than princely Burger King Whoppa, it seems the "new Ossie" is just another example of American hype.

Shame.

 

Desperate Ipswich Sign Plastic Hammer

Oh dear, times they are a'desperate at Portandlemon Road. Not only have they turned to the tactical genius that is Mick McCarthy (no doubt based on a reference from former manager Roy Keane), they have now taken Frank Nouble off the hands of Wolves.

There was much excitement at Upton Park when we took this "exciting prospect" from Chelsea, but he proved to be pretty bloody hopeless. And having turned twenty, he aint going to come on in leaps and bounds is he?

So Wolves have cut their wage bill and Ipswich have taken on the new Carlton Cole - lacking Carlton's ability outside the box! A bad, bad move by McCarthy!

West Ham Going for A Bong.

Those of us with long memories will be grateful that the latest transfer target linked with West Ham isn't called Song, but Bong is worryingly close, and like his near namesake, Bong is from Cameroon.

Like Rigobert, Gaetan could be enshrined in Cockney rhyming slang if Allardyce lands him and it all goes wrong. Is he any cop? I've no idea, but he can't be worse than McCartney surely?

And if he arrives and is good, the fans could have a lot of fun with the name.

Dyer Sacked By QPR

Oh dear, what a shame. It seems that Dyer's bone china body isn't coated in Teflon after all. In the bleak mid winter, the man who has recorded a record number of games on the treatment table for a succession of clubs has, at long, long last been found out.

God only knows why Warnock and Hughes wanted him at QPR. Maybe simply to occupy the treatment table so there was no space for other more important players who might have fancied a malingerer's winter.

Where now for Dyer? He will probably sprain a wrist whilst signing on!

All Hail Sullivan & Gold For Turning West Ham Around!

Unlike a couple of guys who post comments on here, I am more than happy to admit when I am proved wrong - and boy was I wrong about Sullivan and Gold, in the short term at least.

They were decisive when they removed Zola, and whilst those who hate Grant will say the Avram appointment was more to do with the shared absence of a foreskin than his ability as a manager, I disagree. The squad Zola left behind was a mess and with the astronomical wage bill built up under Duxbury's "watch", there was little or no scope for movement until relegation secured automatic salary reductions and triggered a flood of departures. The interesting question is whether a calculation was made and relegation embraced as the only way of clearing the decks and starting afresh. Anyway, Grant operated on a transfer shoe-string and the squad was woefully inadequate - even Redknapp would have struggled.

What has followed has been little short of incredible. A week after relegation, who would have believed that 18 months on we would be back in the Prem with a squad boasting Joe Cole, Andy Carroll, Matt Jarvis, Kevin Nolan, Alou Diarra, Mo Diame, Wellington Paulista, James Collins and Vaz Te? If rumours are correct, the club is also doing its level best to recruit a decent left back. And we are only one week into the January window!

And who has departed? Rubbish, more rubbish, still more rubbish - and Scott Parker. And as I always maintained, shipping out Parker was a necessary step in rebuilding the team. Noble holds better, has more vision and is not "the story" every time West Ham play. And, of course, even on 40k per week, Nolan is only earning half of what Parker was creaming in. Nolan or Parker? Who wins more games? No contest, as I maintained when Parker was named Player of the Year even  as we finished rock bottom and after Nolan scored four times as many goals for Newcastle and assisted twice as many as Parker.

And although I am opposed to the move to the Olympic Stadium, I have to concede that, thus far, the owners have negotiated superbly.

Of course, it could all go tits up - we are West Ham after all - but at this stage you have to give out the plaudits. Yes I expect Sullivan and Gold to make a tidy profit in the long run, but who cares, we are enjoying it!

West Ham 2 Man Utd 2 - So unlucky!

I missed the game because my flight coincided with the kick off but, based on the highlights, we were bloody unlucky. And had Reid started ahead of Tomkins, I suspect we would have won!

Cole looked like a man who has come home. His crosses for the goals were superb. Mind you, had his namesake been on the end of them, no goals would have resulted.The finishes applied by Collins were brilliant demonstrating total conviction - something utterly lacking in Carlton's game when he is in the box.

Carlton remains a total head case and so infuriating. Outside the box he is superb and, I would hazard to say, a key member of the team, holding the ball up superbly and occupying both centre backs with his movement and physical presence. Inside the box, he is a disaster. He should have scored twice in this game, but indecision and uncertainty were like lead balls chained to his ankles, so he remained rooted to the spot rather than predicting, gambling and netting twice from inside the six yard box. God knows what Allardyce says to him when they get back to the dressing room!

From a threadbare squad, we suddenly look pretty decent again, the absence of a Premiership class left back apart. It was great to see Diarra making a start, whilst Collison continues to impress.With Vaz Te, JC and Jarvis competing for two berths in midfield, Cole offering an alternative to Nolan, and Noble, Diame (when fit), Collison and Diame fighting for two slots in the centre, the midfield suddenly looks more than decent. And we still have Taylor to make up the numbers!

Can Chamakh lead the line alone? I doubt he will offer what Cole does outside the box, but surely he must be better inside the penalty area. Will we keep Carroll for the remainder of the season? If we do and he comes back fully fit, that area of the pitch looks decent too. And now there's strong talk of Paulista joining. And of course, we still have Maiga.

Some will jump on Tomkins for that equaliser but that would be very unfair. Yes Reid's speed might have saved us, but the pass from Giggs was inch perfect and the control and movement by Van Persie were sublime. Sometimes you have to hold your hands up and say, great goal, and this is one of those occasions - and Cleverly's wasn't bad either!

So, we played a strong Manchester United team whilst resting Noble, O'Brien and Reid, with a semi fit Joe Cole in the team and with Chamakh not ready and Carroll unfit, and we not only competed, we looked just about their equals. That has to be promising. Full marks to the owners and Allardyce, this is a huge turn around from the shambles left behind by the previous regime - and I suspect the relegation helped!

Chamakh Signs For Six Months To Sullivan's Chagrin

So Jack Sullivan aint pleased but I expect his Dad has told him when it is his own money, he can buy who he wants - but for now...

A good, bad or indifferent signing? I think only time will tell. Wenger rarely makes a mistake when he lets a player go but he hasn't exactly let Chamakh go yet has he?

We needed another striker, even if we keep both Carroll and Maiga. Who knows, if he gets an early goal, there may be no stopping him. And as a loan signing, there's no pressure on him is there?

Anyway, it's another member of the squad with Premiership experience so, on balance it has to be good news.

Warnock Has Allardyce Stamped On His Backside

I read the headline Warnock for West Ham and thought Old Big Gob was about to leave Leeds and replace Allardyce. Talk about out of the frying pan and into the fire!

But thankfully, the Warnock under consideration by the club is younger and more mobile - just!

Stephen Warnock is not one to get excited about but he has "Reserved for Sam Allardyce" stamped on his arse. Signed by Doctor Evil whilst at Blackburn, Warnock has also been photographed recently in a Bolton kit. So how can Sam resist?

Even at his best, Warnock wasn't very good - and he is now a long way from his best. Dear God, he isn't even wanted by a Villa team that has shipped 17 goals in their last four games. That's not a great advert for a left back is it?

Once again, the club are trying to fit any old peg into a crucial hole in the team. Yes he is a warm, live body, but that's about the best you can say for him. With Cole and Warnock on their way, perhaps Saga will be unveiled as our new sponsors!

Cole's Coming Home

He's coming home, he's coming home, he's coming,
Joe Cole's coming home!

Great news? Possibly. Allardyce has a knack for squeezing the dregs from a toothpaste tube and has reignited the careers of a host of players who had apparently "hit the wall".

At his best, Cole is pretty special. He could add a new dimension to the team although one of Jarvis, Vaz Te or Nolan will presumably have to make way to accommodate him.

His goal for Liverpool at Upton Park showed that he can still do it at this level, with the right encouragement and motivation. Maybe, just maybe, this move is exactly what Cole and West Ham need.

Pardew Wants Maiga

Odd. I have seen nothing - that goal against Southampton apart - to suggest that Maiga can cut it in the Prem. But Pardew and his chief scout have a pretty good record when it comes to sourcing unlikely talent, as the squads he assembled at West Ham, Southampton and Newcastle testify.

Personally, I would be very happy to see Maiga go if we can recoup the money we paid for him. He looks brainless as a footballer to me, and there must surely be better options out there.

So why does Pardew want Maiga? Is his wife a looker by any chance?

Captain Noble Shows His Class

Well the Noble critics are strangely silent tonight. I wonder why? Wearing the captain's armband, Noble led by example, dominating the midfield, scoring a beautifully taken penalty and setting up our second with a wonderful dribbling run into the box.

Best pass of the match? Noble's ball to Demel, and we should have had a third when Cole missed a gaping net from three yards out from the resultant cross.

Those with an agenda are always quick to seize on every Noble mistake. The very least they could do is acknowledge when the guy has a superb game. You know who you are. We await a response!

West Ham 2 Norwich 1 - Clattenbung Delivers!

So, all nasty comments about Clattenbung are suspended, for a few days at least. When he was most needed, he delivered, and we are now just 4 wins from safety!

To be fair, Hughton is getting his knickers in a twist over nothing. Yes the penalty was a bit harsh, but if you don't want to be punished for a foul in the box, don't commit one. Simples.

And as for the second goal, the more teams play on and ignore the feigned agony of a felled opponent, the sooner we will end this simulation nonsense. Was Tettey's life in danger? He wasn't even replaced so why, exactly, should the game have been stopped? Hughton is an honest enough guy but he should tell his players to get up and get on with the game, not roll around trying to con his opponents and the referee into stopping the game for no good reason.

And the Norwich penalties? Just attempts to con Clattenbung into evening up the score after Hughton took a leaf out of Ferguson's book and tried to harangue the officials into siding with Norwich.

How good was the performance? Given the injuries and suspensions, pretty good. Norwich are on a losing run but have been playing strong teams and have only lost by the odd goal. Yes luck may have favoured us with the goals, but Cole missed a sitter and Vaz Te hit the post when he should have scored. And Bunn was much the busier of the two keepers.

Most pleasing is the impressive return of Collison. I feared we may have seen the last of him, but he has returned full of vim. Vaz Te is missing chances but he is getting into position to score them; they will go in eventually. It's an old cliche that the measure of the team is the quality of the bench, and with Diarra now available and the return of Collison and Vaz Te to the team, our bench is much stronger than against West Brom, and will be stronger still with the return of Nolan and Collins.

Three crucial points today. Just 4 wins needed. Or three wins and three draws. And none of Reading, Villa, Southampton nor Villa won, so the gap has widened.

Oh, and Noble had a pretty good game didn't he?