Hansen Apology is Absurd.

This is getting more stupid by the minute. Terry faces legal action BECAUSE he used the word black, and now Hansen has apologised for not using it! So bloody what that he used the word "coloured"? He isn't in South Africa and it wasn't meant to be insulting in any way whatsoever.

Somebody has to get a grip here. Let's turn to a dictionary shall we? According to Cambridge Dictionaries Online "Black" is defined as "being the darkest colour there is, like the colour of coal or of a very dark night" whilst Oxford Dictionaries are slightly less poetic, opting for "of the very darkest colour owing to the absence of or complete absorption of light; the opposite of white."

So, let's try "coloured". The Oxford Dictionary gives the PC Brigade some ammunition with the definition, "having a colour or colours, especially as opposed to being black, white, or neutral" but that "especially" word is crucial. It still means something can be coloured black or brown; just ask any five year old with a set of colouring pencils! The dictionary pegs the offensive use of "coloured" to South Africa, just as I thought. Cambridge Dictionaries, meanwhile, offers simply "having or producing a colour or colours".

Now, is Evra black? No he is not. He is deep brown perhaps, but he is not black. And Anton? He's no more black than I am! Brown yes, but black? Not a chance in Hell! And am I white? Of course I'm not white! How can I describe myself? Flesh coloured? That's offensive presumably because it somehow implies that my skin colour is the right flesh colour. So how about pinko grey as E M Forster termed "white" people? It suffices but it isn't accurate is it?

Describe me and what word describes me without question? I am coloured! You are coloured! We are all coloured! That isn't offensive, that is FACT!

This has to stop. This will breed resentment and racism if we are not careful. NOBODY should be allowed to play politics with the English language and NOBODY should impute malice when none is intended. Big Brother will kill freedom of speech if we are not careful. I know why Hansen used the word and it had absolutely nothing to do with racism and everything to do with a vocabulary that was common place when he learnt the language of HIS PLACE OF BIRTH. And why shouldn't he use a word that is, by definition, technically correct just because some language fascists dictate he should not?

Never mind the Academy, look who we lost!

Dear God, as we bugger around trying to put together a team good enough to bludgeon it's way to promotion, it hurts to see ex players performing so successfully in the shirts of other teams. This isn't another gripe about selling the golden generation, because, to be honest, Rio and the loathed Lampard apart, none of them have proved that special, but a moan about how we have let go quality players at knock down prices who we really should have retained.

Ba, of course, rubs our noses in it every time he takes to the field in black and white. Now I will admit that I was dubious about signing him because of his broken knee, but since Pardew has got hold of him, the guy has been a revelation. I know "if onlys" are pathetic, but still, you can't watch the guy without thinking "if only". If only Grant had played him down the middle. if only we had survived by the skin of our teeth, if only Ba was wearing Claret and Blue now.

And then there is Zamora. Again I will be honest and admit that I thought Turds had done goodish business when he secured £4m for Zammo, laughing at the Championship Manager prediction that he would become an England player in his late twenties. Now the £4m Fulham paid seems like a steal. Just imagine a Zamora and Ba pairing up front! We would be top half in the table without question!

And now add Parker to the equation. Once again, I have to be honest of course as I was never Scotty's biggest fan at Upton Park. Buy why? Because, like Ba, he was used incorrectly. Even in a Spurs shirt he comes up short as a midfield general, but play him in the holding role with a creative partner in midfield, and he is the dogs bollocks.

We never had Modric, of course, but we did have Yossi and Etherington. Imagine for a moment these two providing the creative impetus with Parker anchoring the midfield and, whisper it quietly, Reo-Coker adding additional bite. Now the £8m we got for NRC was unquestionably great business, but not when £6m of it was blown on Kieron Dyer - never mind his wages! Don't fancy NRC, then how about using Collison or Noble in a proper midfield unit? Collison and Benayoun could switch positions, pulling markers all over the shop.

Which brings us to the defence...and Collins apart, we hit problems. I have called time and again for the full back positions to be prioritised but Zola, Grant and even Allardyce have treated the position with contempt. Curbishley signed Neill and walked out when we let McCartney go, and since his time, we have been exposed down both flanks. Neill slowed and was never replaced, and apart from Ilunga's season long trial, we haven't had a left back worthy of the name. Remember Lopez? Spector was hopeless. Bridge wasn't much better! Here's hoping young Potts can do a job!

So, as we move towards Christmas, does anybody really believe we would be in the Championship now had Turds stuck rather than twisted, and we had played last season with the following team?

Green

Paintsil,  Collins, Upson, McCartney

Benayoun, Collison, Parker, Etherington

Zamora, Cole (Ba in January)

Subs Tomkins, Noble, Reo-Coker, Stech, Spector (I know, I know!), Bowyer, Sears (replaced by Cole in January)

QPR Drinking in Last Chance Saloon before Christmas.

Poor old QPR. They remind me of an alcoholic sitting in a bar bemoaning his bad luck but telling anybody who will listen that everything will be fine after he has won the lottery in January.

Yesterday was a huge kick in the cobblers and has left the Hoops curled up in agony in the corner of the Last Chance Saloon gasping for air. The last five games have yielded just one point and the joyous Noel predicted by all those following the Fernandes star has turned decidedly sour, so sour that I understand the Python team are currently planning a "Life of Tony" movie.

The trouble is, QPR, like West Ham last season, have thrown away far too many winnable home points. The Hoops have won just one home game from 9 - and that was lucky against a team of 9 players. Defeats at home to Bolton and Sunderland and draws at home to West Brom and Blackburn all represent vital points thrown away. There is a dangerous echo of West Ham here as we duplicated those results last season.

You survive by winning winnable home games, and QPR are running out of those! The target games now come down to home matches against Norwich, Swansea, Wolves, Fulham, Stoke and Wigan. That's 18 points which would take QPR to 34. Then it is a case of drawing 4 or 5 matches home or away. The trouble is, if 4 of those identified games end up as draws, QPR are then 8 points short, and their results so far make victories in all six of those games very unlikely. If you can't beat Blackburn and Sunderland at home, why should you reckon on beating Fulham, Wolves, Stoke and Norwich?

Warnock, of course, has been here before and by mid March had Shafting United sitting pretty on 32 points with some easy home games still to come. Then along came Tevez and...well the bleating started!

But at the moment Neil is smiling, ordering another stiff one and telling anybody who will listen that everything will be all right when his mate Tony Fernandes gives him a big cheque in January.

"Three or four players", he slurs, "We just need three or four players. And Tony will give me the money. Tony's a very rich man you know. He owns an airline. And a Formula 1 team. And he is going to build a shiny new stadium. After last night's defeat he will start telling everybody about it again. Just you wait and see. And we won't sell Faurlin. And there will be loads of quality players happy to join us despite our position in the table and the low attendancies to home games. They all want to play for me you see. And they all want to share a dressing room with Joey Barton. Barman, another drink. It's Christmas!"

QPR - One Point in Fifteen Spells Disaster

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh one point. Far be it from me to say "I told you so". What pleasure would I gain from that exactly? Just because Rangers fans have abused me each time I have pointed out that they face a struggle to survive this season, that doesn't mean I feel the need to gloat. Heaven forbid!

Mind you, those GRRRs who have repeatedly called me an idiot (when being polite!) might like to take a look at the Premiership table. After the disastrous last minute defeat at home to Sunderland tonight, Rangers sit fifth from bottom and just two points above the drop zone. And for the first time in some time, the points per game return, if averaged over the whole season, would see them fall below the 38 point safety line.

Even more worrying for Rangers is the goal difference position. Look at the clubs above Rangers and none are showing a significant deficit, but Rangers, in common with all those beneath them, are horribly in arrears. And is that surprising with Gabbidon in the starting 11 and Dyer on the payroll? Let me remind Rangers fans again that new signings Gabbidon (West Ham), Wright-Phillips (Man City), D J Campbell (Blackpool), Young (Charlton), Dyer (West Ham) and Barton (Newcastle) have all been relegated from the Premiership, as have Helguson (Watford), Paddy Kenny (Sheffield United) Shittu (Watford), Tommy Smith (Watford) and no doubt others!

Talk of big money signings in January has gone a little quiet of late and what self respecting Premiership player would fancy playing for a struggling team in front of gates of below 20,000 anyway? QPR are sadly the Wigan Athletic of London, except Wigan have the well respected Martinez in charge, whilst QPR have Warnock! Incredibly, whilst West Ham had a full house of 34,750 for Saturday's home game with Barnsley, Rangers could only attract 16,167 to tonight's game with Sunderland. You have to ask if Rangers fans deserve a Premiership club if they can't turn up in greater numbers than that!

Warnock is sure he can sort things out with a few signings in January but he should look at what is happening over at Blackburn and what transpired at Birmingham. New Asian owners talk a good game but when it comes to actually stumping up cash, well suddenly they don't answer the telephone!

I take no pleasure in writing this whatsoever and I am in no way gloating. Here's hoping Fernandes answers the phone in January and delivers the cash he has semi promised. Who knows, Warnock may spend it wisely and things may turn around. But I wouldn't bet on it!

John Terry Charge is Absurd!

Tell me, what will be gained by fining Terry £2,500 even IF he is found guilty as charged? The decision of the CPS to pursue this matter stinks. How do we know for sure that the decision maker isn't a fan of Tottenham, Arsenal, Man Utd or Chelsea?

We are told Terry is being treated the same as everybody else. If that is the case, why don't the CPS pursue charges against every supporter who yells racist abuse over the course of a game? And why hasn't Suarez been charged exactly?

And how do the FA explain that they have reached a decision on Suarez before charges are made by the CPS, whereas Terry hasn't even been asked to attend a hearing, but now faces a trial in February?

Presumably the FA will be handing over their Suarez evidence to the CPS and we will see consistency, with the Uruguayan charged, just like Terry.

Meanwhile, God help us all. Big Brother has arrived in a ridiculous way. I am utterly opposed to racism, but for the life of me, I cannot understand why Terry is allowed to call a Liverpool player a "fcuking Scouse cnut" with impunity but faces court if he calls a black player a "fcuking black cnut". The F and the C words are offensive, the Scouse and black words are not. Had Terry called Ferdinand a "N*****" there could be no defence. But he didn't.

Tell me, what part has Rio played in all this? Allegedly the deposed England captain has been stirring his brother up all along. So, the question has to be asked, are the courts simply allowing a footballing whore's vengeance?

Relegate Liverpool!

I'm not sure where I stand on the Suarez affair. Initially, I thought he should be kicked out of English football if it was proven that he had used the N word repeatedly towards Evra, but the more I learn about how the Spanish version is used in Uruguay, the more I understand how the term may have been used without malice. If this is true, then the player may not deserve the hefty 8 match ban.

However, there can be no excuses for Liverpool FC. They had a responsibility to "educate" Suarez in the first place, but never mind that, the wearing of the Suarez t-shirts tonight is an absolute disgrace. I said Dalglish was on dodgy ground when he offered "100% support" before the judgement was given; to wear the shirt tonight and require the rest of the team to make a statement of solidarity is utterly and completely unacceptable.

The FA are running their "Kick Racism Out of Football" campaign and Liverpool FC, as things stand, has put itself on the side of the racists. Appeal the decision by all means, but to wear those Suarez shirts tonight says that they put their player and parochial concerns over the greater good of the game, and of society at large.

Tell me, what happens now if three white Liverpool supporting yobs kick and knife to death a black teenager over the Christmas break? Would Dalglish wear his Suarez shirt as witnesses explain how the assailants yelled "Kill the N*****!" or "That's for Suarez"?

The arrogance of Liverpool FC must not be tolerated. The FA should show how serious they are about kicking racism out of football by kicking Liverpool out of the Premiership!

One Big Halls Up!

You can keep him. No you can't!

What the hell is going on? Yesterday we agreed to extend Hall's loan by a month; and today we recalled him to Upton Park.  What a mess.

The poor guy must be utterly bemused. The last time he was called back, Allardyce sat him on the bench and didn't use him, even though we were held 0-0 by second from bottom Bristol City, and then at the weekend, Tweedledee, Tweedledum and Tweedledummer were preferred as a combination, rather than invite Hall home early.

So what's happened? Presumably one or more of the useless big lumps has pulled up lame. So, as with Potts, Doctor Evil has been left with no choice. To hell with it, I'll pick one of the Academy products given there's no other choice. Hang on have we checked the Job Centres in Bolton? Surely there's an old lag knocking around somewhere who needs a game? No? Really? Bugger! Go on then, recall a kid! You're sure Wally Downes can't play up front? OK, then recall the bloody kid; but somebody superglue the bench in case he has any ideas about coming on!

£95m to REDUCE the capacity to 60,000

Explain the logic somebody. Why spend £95m to reduce the capacity of a stadium? Why not put a screen around the upper tier seats if empty seats are a problem. Surely when we qualify for the Champions League, we will need the full capacity?

And here's a strange idea, how about offering free seats to all school children in London? How about making West Ham a family club and stealing a fan base from the cradle? Dads (absent or otherwise) can go to Chelsea and Tottenham, whilst Mums bring their angels to Upton Park. Free ticket for the child, £10 entrance to the Mum with discount shopping vouchers to the tune of a tenner negotiated with the Westfield Shopping Centre. Perfect!

All sounds like a huge waste of tax payers' money to me and a completely pointless exercise. Actually, with the running track in place, the upper tier seats would offer the best bloody view!

Oh and the latest rumour is that a rugby team will share the stadium with us. Somebody has misunderstood. It's just that Allardyce is moving West Ham Wanderers to the ground instead of West Ham United!

Montano left to rot in Dagenham

Well Allardyce reckons he needs three new players and faces an injury crisis over the crucial Christmas period, but that's not enough to provoke the recall of Montano. Indeed quite the opposite, we've told Dagenham they can extend the loan and keep him until the New Year.

Clearly the boy is not rated. If Carew and Piquionne are better options, then Doctor Evil must consider Montano worse than useless. Another Academy product heading the way of so many others it seems.

Allardyce Targets Three New Signings In January

Apparently, Doctor Evil has three priorities for January, a new centre back, a new wide midfielder and a new forward.

Now whilst that is reassuring, it does beg a question or two of course. Like why, exactly we parted with da Costa and sent Barrera out on loan.

Now I know the Mexican looked crap in Claret & Blue but surely Allardyce should have backed himself to turn the guy around. There's no question that the boy has ability, and he is exactly what we have been missing all season, a player with pace, dribbling ability and goal scoring potential. He is ideal for the 4-3-3 formation that Doctor Evil prefers.

As for da Costa, he would have been a giant in the Championship. We let him go for peanuts, apparently determined to purge the contamination of Nani once and for all, but how dumb does that decision look now? Are we going to find anybody of his quality and potential for an outlay of £1.5m? Not a chance in hell!

As for the forward, how many does Allardyce want on the books exactly? He let Stanislas go who, I still believe, could have done a job. Then there is Sears. Surely he should be drilled every minute of every training session on smashing and placing the ball into the back of the net? As the penalty claim on Saturday showed, the boy is willing to burst into the box with the ball at his feet and if he does that four or five times a game, and is "professional", he will buy penalties. It is all down to confidence with Freddie. If he scores a couple, the goals will flow at this level; he should be the perfect understudy for Baldock, but arsing around playing him wide will do the lad no favours at all. Sit him on the shoulder and say, show us what you can do!

If we do sign another forward, surely one will leave. But who will take Piquionne or Carew? The only way of shedding those two is to follow the Piq's example and dump them when nobody is looking!

The Return of the Joker

Full marks to KUMB for hunting down the Grand Puppet Master. Mere mortals, surveying the carnage left behind after his tenure as CEO, were wondering what exactly had happened to him. Like Lucan and Shergar, it appeared he had disappeared off the face of the Earth. Well, not quite, he popped down to Australia apparently, the land of sharks, vagabonds and transported criminals strangely enough.

And now he has returned to Blighty, transported no doubt in an earth filled wooden box and pitching up in a storm at Whitby. As is the way of the world once you have attained to a certain level, the little matter of steering a football club onto a financial iceberg has not been an impediment to landing another high paid job - for Scotty is allegedly now a partner in Rix and Kay LLP, based in Mayfair no less.

More Biased Coverage From The BBC!

Did anybody watch the Championship Show yesterday? How brief were the highlights of the West Ham v Barnsley game? Blink and you would have missed us! Dear God, they even edited out the cat! Maybe Princess Karren has insisted that she's the only Claret & Blue pussy allowed on TV!

Anybody would have thought that the game was shit and that football fans don't want to see a keeper pumping the ball long every time he gets it, with three lumbering forwards chasing after it, trying to get something, anything on it. But if that was the case, why was Upton Park full to the rafters again yesterday? If Sullivan and Gold can sell this shit to Hammers fans, surely the BBC can find a way of making our games into a freebie television spectacle.

Perhaps they could try sepia, pretending they are showing football from the 1880s; you know the sort of thing, playing upon nostalgia - this is what football was like before players developed ball control and a game based around passing the ball along the ground.

Or perhaps they could film our games at pitch level and invite viewers to play "Spot the Ball" whenever it bounces?

Once again we see the BBC's bias against West Ham. Just because the football is boring, that's not an excuse for showing such limited highlights. If Attenborough can insert scenes of polar bears filmed in a German zoo into his Frozen Planet programme, why can't the editors of the Championship Show recycle exciting moments from other West Ham games, slipping them in as if they happened in the game they are showing?

Be more inventive for God's sake. West Ham fans don't want to face up to reality!

Southampton back on top!

Southampton are back on top and based on a fifteen minute purple patch, when they played more football than we have managed all season, deservedly so.

I do like the look of Lallana and Lambert, they are head and shoulders better than anything we have. What impresses me is the way Southampton PASS the ball into the box rather than simply hoof it. There's a considered deliberation about their play that we can only dream of at the moment.

They failed to win again, of course, which is great news, but they are so much more entertaining to watch and are a credit to the game - unlike our bunch of crude mechanicals!

Why the Suarez delay?

He either used the N word repeatedly to Evra or he didn't. What on earth are the FA deliberating over? Perhaps it is a split decision with one old duffer struggling to understand what's wrong with calling a black man a N***** exactly.

If there is TV evidence supporting Evra's claims, then Suarez should not be playing today; if there isn't, then no charge can be made to stick. Simples.

The question is, what punishment should Liverpool and Dalglish face if Suarez is found guilty? They have backed the Uruguayan 100% and will be in a very dodgy position if the case is proven against him.

Un-Ba-Lievable!

How the hell did we go down last season with Ba in the squad? What the fcuk was Grant up to, playing him wide on the left in a 4-3-3 formation game after game, instead of playing him through the middle?

I am no fan of 4-3-3, it is a formation of the gods but a formation that is ill suited to mere mortal players. Ba's talents last season were wasted. He is not a winger and certainly is not an auxiliary left full back. Get the guy down the middle, get the ball into the box, and he will score you goals.

Newcastle didn't win yesterday, but Ba looked pretty bloody awesome nevertheless, doing everything but score. He hit the post and, with back to goal and closely marked, forced a brilliant save with an audaciously acrobatic shot. Had Grant used him correctly, we would have stayed up, no question.

I defended Grant, rooting our demise with Zola. However, the more you see Ba, the more you understand how bloody stupid Avram was not to use him as his first choice striker. Grant's loss is Pardew's gain! Who would you rather have, Andy Carroll or Demba Ba? That's looking like a no brainer. So Avram has just replied Carroll!

QPR have great opportunity to upset Man Utd today

Don't look too closely at the league table, just focus on Man Utd's team sheet. The Mancs arrive with up to nine players ruled out by injury. The back four is unsteady without Vidic, the keeper is dodgy and the midfield is lacklustre in comparison to Man Utd teams of old. This is Warnock's opportunity to smash Fergie on the jaw.

But Rangers should beware. United arrive as a wounded beast and with something to prove. After being dumped out of the Champions League by less than mighty Basel, the Mancs will have something to prove. And QPR's cause aint going to be helped by the fact that Fergie's boys can depose City at the top by winning today. That is one hell of an incentive.

Two seasons back, Man Utd arrived at Upton Park without a back four (Carrick played centre half from memory) and promptly thumped us 4-1. Last season, we were two goals up when Vidic should have been shown a red card. He wasn't and we lost 4-2 and nosedived down from there. When you think Man Utd are there for the taking, they have a very nasty habit of ramming your hopes down your throat.

A victory today would ease relegation fears down in the Bush; a hammering would open all all sorts of uncertainties. Warnock has again talked down the prospect of QPR spending big in January, but if the Rs are just 3 points above the drop zone by the end of today, money may have to be spent to survive.

The Lesson of Young Potts

Yesterday illustrated what I have been saying for some time, that rather than trust to gnarled old pros seeing out the dregs of their careers, we should give youth its head. This is a crap division and is the perfect place to develop young talent.

Who had heard of Potts at the start of the season? We were talking about Montano and Montenegro and Hall and Brown, but this boy has crept up on the inside and, because injuries forced Doctor's Evil's hand, stepped up to the plate in a spectacular way yesterday. It is true that Barnsley offered little going forward so the boy's defensive prowess was not fully tested, but his composure on the ball was what impressed, with two of his crosses better than anything McCartney has served up all season. He brought energy and enthusiasm to the table, something so obviously lacking with the knackered old has beens, nearly weres and never will bes that populate our squad.

I'm not suggesting that we go overboard and play the Academy team in all 11 positions, what I am suggesting is that we need the right balance between old and young, between mediocre methodicalism and vibrant unpredictability. What this team lacks is a spark, the spark of life as Shelley describes it. Doctor Evil has built his monster but it is ugly and inanimate. It needs ten thousand volts shot up its arse, and the likes of Piquionne and Carew are not going to provide it are they?

I have called for Montano a number of times. On one level that is illogical, I accept. The boy isn't tearing up Division 2 is he? But football can be a great leveller. Surround a good player with crap players and you will only glimpse his ability in flashes. Take that same player into another team, and he will suddenly look like a genius because the quality of those around him allow him to play to his potential. Spurs fans will say, look at Scott Parker!

I cannot believe that Montano would be as ineffective as Piquionne. The Fly Tipper aint interested. He is marking time, collecting a pay packet ahead of retirement. Kick him out and bring in the kid! The sale of Stanislas was also a mistake in my book. He isn't good enough for the Prem but, again, he would have been a better option yesterday than Carew and Piquionne. And Hall? The boy knows where the back of the net is and would surely offer better balance than the Tweedledee, Tweedledum and Tweedledummer combination that Allardyce fielded yesterday.

The five substitute rule has definitely hampered the progress of young players in the division - exactly as I predicted it would. But Allardyce has been cowardly regardless. Take the Bristol City game when Diop was sent on as a sub ahead of Hall, who had been recalled from loan because of an earlier injury crisis. If the boy was good enough to be on the bench, why wasn't he worth "a go" in the last 15 minutes, playing at home to the club second from bottom in the table with the score at 0-0? Remember Sears against Blackburn and Hines against Villa? You don't have to be Messi to make an impact!

Why have we started games with both Carew and Piquionne on the bench? That's like being in B&Q and agonising over Crown Magnolia and Dulux Magnolia. Surely one of those two and either Hall or Montano would be a better option? There's no bloody way that Pardew would make that mistake!

Allardyce is conservatism personified. He goes with what he knows every time. The solution to a crisis yesterday was to revert to the Bolton Bludgeon lock stock and three smokeless barrels. Except fate forced his hand. Faye pulled up lame at the last minute and Doctor Evil didn't have an old lag to save him. You can imagine the mental torment. Diop, we could move him to centre back and...but who would I play in midfield? So he had to give Potts his chance, he had to trust to youth. And look what happened! The old nag Nolan was booed when announced as MOTM ahead of the young, and more deserving, colt.

Will Doctor Evil learn the lesson? No chance. McCartney will be back at left back at the first opportunity and Allardyce will stick with what he knows, playing safe and ugly rather than taking chances with youth and uncertainty. But Potts showed him up yesterday. Those who argue that if the kids are good enough, Allardyce will pick them, no longer have that argument. Potts showed he is ready. What a shame that Doctor Evil couldn't see that until fate forced his hand.

QPR Slipping Down Table

With Swansea and Norwich both picking up excellent away points, and Wigan grabbing a point saving equaliser against Chelsea, QPR's true position in the Prem has crystalised. A victory over Man Utd tomorrow would paint a different picture but, as things stand, the Rs are down to 15th in the table and are just 3 points above third from bottom Wigan.

It was always going to be a battle for QPR to survive, although the mid table position hoodwinked a chunk of their fans, who genuinely seemed to believe that they were equipped to finish in the top half of the table. When I warned that complacency and cockiness were inappropriate, I innocently provoked a stream of abuse.

Well the table is now taking definitive shape. Man City, Man Utd, Chelsea, Tottenham and Arsenal fill the top five positions. Newcastle are slipping. Liverpool will probably finish one place higher come the end of the season. Stoke have opened a gap between themselves and 9th place Norwich. Villa and Fulham are in mid table and Everton will climb higher over the second half of the season. West Brom will not go down. And Sunderland will climb under O'Neill.

Bolton really do look doomed and unless Blackburn sack Kean, they will join them. But the third relegation spot is between Wigan, Wolves, QPR, Norwich and Swansea.

Unless the Rs beat the Mancs tomorrow of course! Come on you Hoops!

How poor are Leicester?

They sacked Sven and poached Pearson from Hull but what difference has it made? The draw at home to Peterborough last week was poor, and the defeat at Doncaster today was disastrous. Dear God, Doncaster had Ilunga at left back and Leicester still couldn't beat them!

So, the pre season favourites to win the division are now 13 points adrift of West Ham - and we haven't been playing well ourselves. Best of all, given Pearson's treachery, Hull are now 9 points ahead of them!

To finish in the top 2, Leicester now need to take a minimum of 56 points from 24 games. That's one hell of an ask!

West Ham 1 Barnsley 0 West Ham in Wonderland!

Well, despite being sent to the stands, Mad Hatter Allardyce is, no doubt, smiling like the Cheshire Cat after starting with Tweedledee Carew, Tweedledum Cole, Tweedledummer Piquionne and Tweedlepapa Diop, and squeezing out a 1-0 victory against Barnsley. That is, of course, the same Barnsley team that shipped five goals in 45 minutes against mighty Ipswich, but what the hell, a win's a win as the Flamingos and Hedgehogs will tell you. And bloody good job too because three defeats in a row might have provoked Queen of Hearts Karren to point at Doctor Evil and demand, "Off with his head!"

The game will be quickly forgotten except for two things: the debut of young Daniel Potts who showed Allardyce that kids can perform if given their chance - Montano, Brown, Hall and Montenegro will be hoping that Doctor Evil has taken note - and the crowd's reaction to the announcement of Caterpillar Captain Kev as man of the match. How many times has a MOTM award provoked boos around a home stadium? True the fans were angry that young Potts had been overlooked, but to boo your captain speaks volumes of the growing unease at what is going on at Upton Park. We played like a team of dormice again today, and only won because Barnsley showed no adventure whatsoever.

And it was always going to be thus. Start a team so obviously devoid of pace and guile and the only way you are going to win is via a set piece. Noble's delivery for the goal was perfect and Diop nodded home astutely but, apart from two penalty claims that were overlooked, that was just about it. The injury and suspensions will be trotted out as excuses but 10 of the 11 starters today have Premiership experience and we should have had more than enough quality to see off a very ordinary Barnsley team. Had Allardyce started with pace on the flanks - Sears and Montenegro maybe - we might have stretched Barnsley; but the way we set up, we were always going to labour.

How crap is Piquionne? He was utterly disinterested at Reading last week and he couldn't be arsed again this. Carew, meanwhile, is a shot bolt. Without Taylor we have no creativity on the left and without Baldock no pace up front. Nolan remains a passenger.

But Potts was promising. And as things stand, we have to be grateful for small mercies!