Out Of Automatic Promotion Place But...

It was always probably hoping for too much for Doncaster to beat Reading, so the draw was the next big thing. It means that the amazing winning run of the Royals has come to an end and suggests that they may be vulnerable when the pressure mounts. They were great coming from behind but having hit the heady heights, maybe, just maybe, they will slide back again.

We now have a game in hand and are just one point behind with a better goal difference. There's some tricky games coming up but it really does look like it is two from three after Birmingham's defeat at Leicester.

We still have a stronger squad than Reading so if Allardyce can't finish above McDermott, that will speak volumes about his managerial incompetence. Two goals for Morrison today might just be the prod that the ultra conservative Allardyce needs. If he wants to play 4-3-3, he needs some flair in the team and the kid may be what we have been crying out for!

Come on Donny!

I've not been kind about the city of Doncaster. I've not been kind about the Donny women. I've not been kind about Hell Hadji nor about Ilunga nor about Freddie the Flytipper. But I'm a Donny fan tonight!

I'm dressed up in red and white hoops, I've got an open house for all trainspotters and coal miners and for ugly women with calfs each as fat as my wife's thighs combined.

Dare we hope for Piquionne to net the winner against Reading? Dare we hope for Hell Hadji to repay Allardyce for the faith he wanted to show in him? Dare we hope for Ilunga to play a part in keeping a clean sheet?

Were we crap against Donny or have they really turned a corner?

We could be trailing Reading by 10 pm tonight; unless Donny do us a favour! Reading's winning run must come to an end eventually; mustn't it? .

Kalouless Pursuit of Chelsea Also Ran

Ok, I know the Judgement of Solomon, and believe you me, I would rather the Chelsea no mark be cut in half and shared between Tottenham and Millwall rather than end up over paid and over here at Upton Park.

A Chelsea career of 36 goals from 150 appearances says it all. OK, I know Torres can't hit a barn door from five paces in a Chelsea shirt, but every other bugger finds scoring as easy as taking a football past Julien Faubert.

Certain players scream out "Nearly Man" and Kalou is one of them. As a bits and pieces squad player at Chelsea he is fine, but take him to a club where he is expected to be the main man and he will be found very badly wanting indeed.

I don't want him and I hope we don't get him! Never mind the Judgement of Soloman, Fanno has spoken!

Tottenham Heading For The Europa League!

You have to laugh. When Capello flounced out, 'Arry was the dog's bollocks. Tottenham had as good as booked a Champions League place and the more optimistic Cockyfools were thinking they might actually challenge for the title. Arsenal were so far adrift that they were no longer a consideration and Chelsea were a spent force - with £50m spent on the misfiring Torres.

Meanwhile, Scotty Parker was second only to Redknapp as national hero in waiting. The best holding midfielder in the country, Parker was a must for the national side's armbard - even though he wasn't captain at West Ham and isn't Tottenham's skipper either.

How things have changed! I have insisted all along that Parker only looked good because he was in a successful team. With Bale, Modric, Van der Vaart and Adebayoor buzzing, any plank could look half decent holding. And Parker isn't a plank, he's a decent enough holding midfielder. The trouble is, decent isn't good enough when you come up against the best. So Parker was exposed by Arsenal, exposed by Holland, and was even found wanting against Everton when paired with another mediocre centre midfielder, Sandro. It was like the Parker Behrami combination at West Ham - graft and commitment but no guile or creativity! How many goals has Scotty scored in a Spurs shirt? None. How many assists? One so far!

And now Arsenal have closed up on Tottenham's shoulder, and are just one point behind. And the momentum is with the Gunners. Suddenly Modric and Bale might be thinking about moving on to find Champions League football, especially with Chelsea finding some form again.

Poor 'Arry, he may be seeing his Champions League dream slip away as quickly as his chances of managing England. And Scotty's looking bemused, wondering how and why it has all gone so wrong. The answer, of course, is the injury to Van der Vaart. He is the real genius in the Tottenham team, closely followed by Modric and Bale; Scotty has simply taken a ride on their coat tails!

Montano Sent Packing Again

Not good enough for Swindon and not good enough for Notts County either. Doesn't look like Montano's going to make the grade does it? Even Stanislas looked decent when out on loan!

By the way, has Freddie scored yet?

QPR should sack Hughes and appoint Cisse manager!

At last, a mature response to the ghost goal and to the defeat at Bolton. But has it come from Mark Hughes? Nope. He has chuntered his full and blamed it all on the officials, failing to acknowledge that the offside Cisse goal balanced things up and put the Hoops in control of their own destiny.

Instead, it has fallen upon Cisse to step up to the managerial plate and put things into context. QPR lost at Bolton because of bad defending. And that's it in a nutshell. Recognise that fact and you can start to put things right. Bleat on about the officials and nothing is going to change because the result is in the record books.

So, Cisse's mature words are worth carrying. Neptune said: "We reacted really well, but we conceded that goal at the end. It was a mistake, because to be honest with five minutes to go you cannot really concede a goal like that. It's not only the defenders who defend, it starts with the attack. The whole team should have done better on that goal."

Well said that man! And he was also much more mature than his manager in his assessment of the ghost goal, explaining,  "The referees are only humans and they need help. They need whatever help they can get, and video technology is one option."

It's true that Cisse failed to acknowledge that his own goal should have been struck off for offside and claimed that the Hill decision "cost us the game", but he came much closer than Hughes to accepting responsibility. QPR aren't in the bottom three because of officials, they are there because Wright-Phillips is a donkey, Anton Ferdinand is a yard dog, Barton is a toothless terrier, Taarabt is over-rated, Nedum is nothing above ordinary and the team as a whole, apart possibly from Zamora and Cisse, lack Premiership quality.

QPR can still get out of this mess, but unless the weaknesses are recognised, they don't stand a cat in hell's chance. At West Ham we know that you're never too good to go down, and the stupid arrogance of Fernandes and the gRs, shouting about future glories and forgetting about present tribulations, has been a primary cause of the club's struggles.

Twittering, bickering and complaining hasn't saved a club from relegation yet. QPR need to learn that lesson; and fast!

Doncaster's Hell Hadji Diouf Blows Gaff On Former Gaffer

Interesting. When we didn't sign Diouf after a trial, Allardyce claimed it was because the Spitting Image was unfit. That claim looked suspect when he turned out for Doncaster immediately and played a blinder. Well now Doctor Evil's most despised son has told us what we all suspected, that Allardyce was lying after the Board stepped in and blocked his despicable plans.

According to Diouf this is what really happened!

“They said I had a problem with the fans. That’s why they didn’t sign me. That was a big mistake for West Ham because if you see the game today I love Sam Allardyce, and he would love to have me in his team.”

I bet he would! After all, Diouf is a spit off the old block!

Wigan Draw Increases Pressure On QPR & Hughes

It never rains but it pours. If it was sweaty in the Bush yesterday, it's now, well like an overworked whore's privates in a sauna. As if slipping into the bottom three wasn't enough, QPR now find themselves just one point above bottom place after Wigan achieved what the Hoops couldn't, a point on their travels.

Away to Norwich or away to Bolton, what was the tougher game on paper? Before the season started, you would have said Bolton, but with Norwich, like Swansea, now on 36 points, just three points behind Liverpool, a reassessment is necessary.

How ironic! Back in October, when QPR were in tenth and I predicted a relegation struggle, a gR came on here and prattled on about how a survey showed that a huge majority had predicted Rangers would finish ahead of the other two promoted clubs. I pointed out then that surveys stand for nothing, it's results that count. And so it has proved. Anybody predicting Sparky's boys will outpoint the Welsh and Norfolk minnows now I wonder?

Interesting to hear a couple of gRs on the radio yesterday claiming Warnock shouldn't have been sacked. That's how desperate things have become in the Bush - they are pining for a guy with a 100% record in the Prem. 100% relegated that is!

Poor Fernandes is learning that the game isn't as easy as he thought it was. Barton, Wright-Phillips, Ferdinand, Nedum, Cisse, Zamora, et all are not the Prem beaters he was led to believe. In fact there's not been much beating about the Bush all season has there?

One point off bottom place, who would have thought it?

Twelve Things We Haven't Learnt All Season!

What's with this "12 things we learnt from..." nonsense on WHTID? The thing that characterises this season is that we have learnt sweet FA! We are the equivalent of a retard in a quantum physics lesson. Something's going on because we can hear voices, but the noise is confusing and foreign, something about quarks, Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle and Half Interger Spin. It all makes as much sense as flair, attacking football and passing on the ground makes to Allardyce and his coaching team.

So what 12 things has Allardyce not learnt all season?

1. That work rate can only take you so far. Sooner or later skill counts.
2. Cole doesn't score enough goals to lead the line alone at home.
3. We don't have anybody to play wide on the right in a 4-3-3 formation because Faubert can't score and can't cross for his life. Unless Morrison has what it takes.
4. If you don't gamble, you are one dimensional.
5. Maynard and Baldock both need to play alongside another striker. If you pick either you can't play Nolan unless...
6. ...Unless Nolan is used as a conventional striker dropping into the hole in a 4-4-2 formation with either Baldock or Maynard playing off him.
7. Collison sadly doesn't have what it takes and can't take corners.
8. Noble is our most creative midfielder and needs to be paired with somebody who gives him the freedom to operate further forward and control the game.
9. When we take the lead we mustn't try to sit on 1-0 at home.
10. A lot of work has to be put in on the training field to improve crossing into the box.
11. Getting the ball into the box any which way you can isn't enough - you have to create chances.
12. Strikers thrive on confidence. Picking them and dropping them destroys that confidence.

Will Allardyce learn? Well what's the chances of that retard mastering quantum physics exactly?

How much longer can Liverpool's Dalglish hang on?

Come on, £100miillion spent and Liverpool are languishing in seventh place, ten points behind fifth placed Chelsea and 18 points behind hated rivals Man Utd. Newcastle, who mugged Dalglish off when selling him Carroll for a ludicrous £35m, have a five point buffer over the once mighty Reds, and Sunderland, who saw Dalglish coming when they demanded £20m for Henderson, are just two points behind after their victory over the Scousers yesterday. In fact, Everton, who operate on a shoestring, are now just two points shy of their mega spending neighbours, and Woy's West Bwom are only four points behind. Bloody hell, Swansea and Norwich are only three points adrift!

Now tell me that any other manager of Liverpool FC wouldn't have been sacked by now given these circumstances! Dalglish is living on past glories, a living legend who is turning Liverpool into a joke. I know the Scousers will gloat about the League Cup and claim they could yet win the FA Cup too, but that's not the point. Liverpool didn't invest £100m to win cups, they invested £100m to become a major force in the Premiership, and they are a million miles away from that.

The truth is, Dalglish belongs in the past. His attitude towards Suarez said it all. Racism was tolerated when Dalglish was one of the lads, it was a joke, something the "Sooties" had to take on the chin. No wonder he couldn't understand what all the fuss was about and why he backed the Uruguayan right down the line, shaming a once great club in the process.

This Liverpool team remains gutless. They don't play for the shirt because, Gerrard apart, they have no links to the City and its people. This may be Anfield, but Anfield is just a cash dispenser to this bunch! But what has Dalglish done about it? Time and again he has made excuses, blaming bad luck, the officials and injuries. In the style of a typical Scouser, Dalglish seems to think the whole world has it in for him and, because he is "one of their own", the good people of the City insist he is innocent despite all the evidence to the contrary.

The question is, how far do Liverpool have to fall before Dalglish walks or is shoved? A certain Fabio Capello is available at the moment. Martin O'Neill would have jumped at the job had it been offered. Jose might even be tempted. Does anybody, even in Liverpool, seriously believe that these three guys wouldn't be a better option?

Goal Line Technology Is Nonsense As Bolton And QPR Game Shows

So here we go again. The whole of football has its knickers in a twist because Clint Hill's header was a couple of feet over the line and a goal wasn't given. OK, the officials were wrong. Big deal. Tell me, how many "goals" were incorrectly struck off for offside yesterday, and how many goals were allowed when they should have been disallowed because of offside, or a foul or handball? Look at Cisse's joke of a goal. He was three yards offside and stationary when the pass was played! And how many penalties were given that shouldn't have been given yesterday, and how many penalties that should have been given were denied?

And this goes on. QPR fans are arguing that Bolton scored a goal following a free kick incorrectly awarded and Bolton fans can legitimately point out that Hill's ghost goal came from a ghost corner that should not have been awarded in the first place. How many goals come from incorrectly awarded corners, free kicks or throw ins? How far back in the action do we have to track? Every moment in every game has an impact on the rest of the game. All points in a game lead up to any individual point in a game. The toss of the coin, deciding who kicks off, sets a template from which the rest of the game unfolds.

Then there are the red cards - those that should have been shown and those that were shown that shouldn't have been. And the yellow cards, because a missed yellow could become a red later in the game, and an incorrectly awarded yellow makes a player unnecessarily cautious in the tackle for the rest of the game.

So why the fuss over Hill's goal? In what way was it worse than Cisse's incorrectly permitted goal? I genuinely do not understand. I didn't see that Hill's goal had crossed the line in real time, and nor did the BBC commentator who yelled "Hit the bar", but I did see that Cisse was very obviously offside, so offside that I was staggered he was allowed to go on and score, provoking suspicions of the officials deliberately evening things out by allowing a phantom goal to balance out a ghost goal.

The answer is, of course, very simple. Introduce goal line technology but also introduce a three appeals system as in cricket, giving the fourth official the opportunity to review key decisions in a game.  Each manager would have the right to appeal three decisions in a game, with a system of heavy fines for clubs introduced for flippant appeals should they be made.

The system would not be flawless. What about a missed penalty? Perhaps an appeal could be made as soon as the ball goes dead, with any game time between the incident and any subsequently awarded penalty added on as extra time. But what happens then if a goal is scored in the interim? What a nightmare! So perhaps a manager could indicate an appeal, so stopping the game. But what if a manager chose to do this with a fatuous appeal designed to stop the opposition from breaking and possibly scoring? So the referee would have to be allowed discretion to ignore the appeal, allowing the game to flow until an appropriate time to stop and review the decision? But what would then happen if a goal is scored from the break but the review shows that the penalty should have been awarded?

It's a swamp in truth. So I suspect appeals have to be restricted to incidents that stop the game. If a goal is awarded or disallowed the game has stopped - except in the case of ghost goals like Lampard's and Hill's! But the fourth or fifth official sat at a monitor can intervene then irrespective of an appeal. Similarly, the issuing of a red card can be appealed as can the failure to do so in the case of a professional foul or the second possible yellow.

If we are going down the road of goal line technology, it is logically consistent to follow cricket by allowing three appeals and of rugby by allowing the official to review any suspect score. Mind you, the number of goals scored from set pieces would be drastically reduced given all the professional blocking that takes place in the box! Suddenly 0-0 would become the favourite correct score prediction; and is that really what the fans want to see?

Officials Instructed At Half Time To Make Amends To QPR For Ghost Goal

Who gave the order? I don't know. But the officials knew they had got it very badly wrong before the break, with the linesman clearly saying "I didn't see it was over the line" because players were in the way.

So what happened at half time? The FA made a statement DURING the game that goal line technology would be introduced as soon as possible, increasing the pressure on the officials by publicly recognising that a grave error had been made. Did Atkinson receive a call on his mobile phone? Was an instruction given to even things up by favouring QPR in any crucial 60:40 decisions in the second half? Don't cheat as such, but exercise "judgement" to defuse the controversy by making amends. Or did the officials put their heads together and arrive at that decision themselves?

How else can you explain the decision to allow Cisse's equaliser? I can understand an official missing the ghost goal, I knew it had happened but in real time I didn't spot it, and the MOTD commentator yelled "Hit the bar", failing to spot that the ball had crossed the line. However, Cisse was three yards off side and, as quick as he is, wasn't moving at the same speed as the ball following Hill's header. He's also easier to spot, being a big black unit in bright orange with a stupid hairstyle. Again, I knew that Cisse had scored an offside goal, but I didn't believe it was this one! It was impossible not to see he was offside!

Of course Hughes forgot about that when he moaned about the disallowed Hill goal. But actually, the second goal should have been more decisive than the first. Coming so soon after half time, it undermined Coyle's half time talk and gave all the impetus to QPR. But even with that helping hand, Hughes' charges were unable to take anything from the game.

All the noise centres on the Hill "goal" but the Cisse "goal" was even more outrageous in my book. Hughes can have no complaints, except that his defence are hopeless. But whose fault is that? He signed Nedum and decided to prioritise other areas of the team, even though that meant playing Anton in the centre of defence.

As for the Cisse goal, Atkinson and his officials should be investigated because I suspect rules may have been deliberately bent; how else do you explain the failure to spot a big black guy in fluorescent orange three yards offside? The trouble is, the rule bending may well have been on instruction from the FA or Premier League and they are not going to finger themselves are they - as ex public school boys they have fags to do that for them!

So perhaps the police should be called in for an independent investigation. Perhaps somebody should get hold of Atkinson's mobile phone records. Where is "The News of the World" when you need it?

Allardyce Making Pathetic Excuses & Offering Illogical Justifications

Allardyce's post match interview was a disgrace. Once again there was a suggestion that the fans were at fault with repeated references to it getting "very tense" and "everybody getting very anxious".

Then the referee was blamed. We should have had a penalty apparently and Allardyce didn't know why Vaz Te's "goal" was disallowed.

Then injuries were trotted out as an excuse. Let's face it, we were without Reid, O'Brien, Faubert and Demel. What team could be expected to win in those circumstances? You want "all your players out there", not four of them ruled out with injury. Never mind that we have the deepest squad in the division and the highest wage bill, four injuries crippled our chances of winning against the team second from bottom in the table!

Then there was the injury to Vaz Te which threw us off course. This was the most laughable bit because Allardyce explained that he was forced to bring on Baldock and, I quote, "Sam is a finisher not a creator". You never! So why has Allardyce repeatedly played him wide on the left rather than on the shoulder of a striking partner? Of course, Doctor Evil glossed over that one! And he also failed to explain why Morrison wasn't used instead.

Instead he pointed out that "Kevin Nolan scored again", justifying his selection of his special favourite, even though the goal, a scrambled affair, in the ninth minute, was the last contribition Captain Kev made in the game! Nolan was so bad today that even Allardyce pulled him off! (And normally Allardyce only pulls him off in the privacy of his office!)

I listened right the way through to the end of the interview and at no point did I hear an admission that the tactics and selection were flawed. Nor did I hear an explanation for the negative substitutions, with O'Neil and Collins used ahead of Morrison. We were at home to the club second from bottom of the Championship and we played for a draw!

Oh, and Sam had one more excuse. We missed the chance we had been waiting for all game in the last minute. You have to take those chances, especially when they come along in the final minute because then, and I quote Allardyce, "everybody forgets about the performance and goes home happy"!

And there you have it, out of the yard dog's mouth, his whole footballing philosophy! And a huge body of mugs have bought and swallowed this crap for three quarters of the season! Waking up yet are we?

Idiot West Ham Fan on 606 Says It All!

So who was that twat on 606? A season ticket holder apparently! Some season ticket holder! All he did was moan. Bad management. Bad tactics. Players out of position. Nolan a passenger. Players inconsistent. Selection inconsistent. Tactics inconsistent. Football boring.

Fortunately Robbie Savage took him apart! Isn't second place good enough for you? Isn't automatic promotion good enough for you? You just said automatic promotion wasn't good enough for you! Automatic promotion isn't good enough for West Ham fans!

That's what the trouble is! That's why we can't win! Fans like that! Fans who want us to play quality football. Fans who want players played in the right positions! Fans who want to be entertained! Fans who want to see a team good enough to survive in the Premiership if we get up! Fans who expect the manager to have a tactical plan! Idiot!

We are in second place. We were excellent at Cardiff and Nolan was the difference between the two teams. Robbie Savage said so. And Robbie Savage knows.

Why was this idiot given air time? What does he know? Just because he goes to every home game! Allardyce should refuse to talk to the BBC if they keep giving air time to idiots like this and Sullivan and Gold should track him down, cancel his season ticket and tell him he is unwelcome at Upton Park. Idiots like that are endangering our promotion!

And to cap it all, some cheeky bastard emailed Radio London and referred to Allardyce as Doctor Evil. I have a patent on that name!

West Ham 1 Doncaster 1 West Ham Fans Fail Again!

Useless bastards! Don't they understand that it's not enough to pay to get into the game, they have a responsibility to win the game too. They are letting down our wonderfully talented players and our genius of a manager. How else can you explain two consecutive 1-1 draws against shit opposition?

Bloody hell, the fans nearly lost it today! Doncaster's fans were far better in the second half, controlling the game and very nearly scoring a winner. As for our lot, they didn't test the Donny keeper all game. The crowd were hopeless. Not one of them stood up to the plate. Not one of them took responsibility for winning the game. Not one of them displayed the necessary passion, desire or skill to win the game!

What is Allardyce going to do about the Boleyn fans? He has put together a team of ex Bolton players and the Bolton crowd always played their part. Allardyce is using the tactics he knows best - hit it long and hit it hard - and it always worked at Bolton, thanks to the fans, but not at West Ham. Poor Sam is being betrayed by fans who have moaned all season about our tactics, who seem to think that the team should play with skill and swagger against the likes of Watford and Doncaster! Fools! Fools! Fools! Football is attritional. Football is tedious. Football is repetitive. Football isn't about skill, it is about statistics. Get the ball in the box often enough and you will score. Providing the crowd play their part. But our crowd are hopeless! They get bored. They get frustrated. They get anxious. They lose faith. They don't retain the ball. They don't create chances. They can't cross. They can't shoot. They can't perform as a team.

It's time for the crowd to look long and hard at themselves. It's time for the crowd to accept responsibility. It's time for the crowd to up their performance, to give the team something to cheer about!

Because it's looking like we are going to miss out on automatic promotion and if the crowd can't score goals - and how many goals have we scored at home all season? - what chance do we stand over two legs in the play offs?

And it''s because of those fans that, in desperate need of a winner, Allardyce sent on O'Neil and Collins and left Morrison on the bench. How can you ask the best young English player of his generation to perform in front of our fans? What a ludicrous suggestion. The boy was on the bench to see just how terrible our fans are in the hope that - given 90% plus are heterosexual - Ravel may understand that it's not only gays who are a disgrace to humanity!

Congratulations to Reading's fans and to Southampton's fans too. Their fans were brilliant again today. Once again they played with skill, pace, determination and shape. What chance do West Ham and Allardyce stand when up against fans like that exactly? No chance. No chance at all. It's just not fair on Allardyce and the highest paid squad in the division.

Player performance: Bobby Moore Upper 0 Bobby Moore Lower 0, Trevor Brooking Upper 0, Trevor Brooking Lower Doncaster Section 10....

Crisis Meeting Planned At QPR As Hoops Slide Into Bottom Three

Bolton 2 QPR 1
QPR 1 Everton 1
QPR 0 Fulham 1
Blackburn 3 QPR 2
QPR 1 Wolves 2
Aston Villa 2 QPR 2
QPR 0 Chelsea 1
QPR 3 Wigan 1
Newcastle 1 QPR 0

5 points from 27. Run that points per game ratio out over a whole season and a club ends up with 21 points - and in rock bottom position. No wonder questions are already being asked about Mark Hughes, and that's before you take into account that no fewer than 4 of those games were against relegation rivals in the bottom five, with only one of them won. When you look at the remaining fixtures, there's not much comfort ahead either. The easy games have finished, it's all uphill from here until the end of the season.

To reach 32 points I called today's game a must win match. A couple of weeks back I mapped out how the Hoops might make it to 37 points, but they had to beat Everton and Bolton to stand a realistic chance of doing that. Instead of six points, they have collected one.

Fernandes has made positive noises but he would, wouldn't he? He knows now that there is something very rotten in the Bush. That fishy smell now reeks to high heaven! Of course all the talk will be about the goal that wasn't given, but teams make their own luck, and QPR went in level at half time and still contrived to lose the game in the second half. What is Hughes saying at half time? Whatever it is clearly aint working!

The record under Warnock was much the same as the record under Hughes, but Hughes has added a clutch of players to the squad since Warnock was shown the door. The sequence of results that have followed Sparky's appointment have been nothing short of disgraceful - and absolutely catastrophic. And one thing's for sure, Warnock would have secured more points from those games than Hughes has mustered.

The decision to sack Warnock and appoint Hughes is now looking bloody stupid. Fernandes might know how to run an airline and a Formula One team, but he doesn't seem to have the foggiest about how to run a football club! He was supposed to be the messiah, but he's looking more like a millstone! Just like Hughes, and Barton, and Wright-Phillips, and Taarabt and...

Expect a crisis meeting this week. And Mark Hughes may well walk!

Allardyce Loses His Marbles!

Bloody hell, the guy has gone mad! You can see him in his office with a jigsaw puzzle, desperately trying to fit together all the bits! I need Nolan. I need Taylor. I need Cole. I need Vaz Te. I need five in midfield. I need McCartney. I need Faye and Tomkins. I need Lansbury. I need Collison. I've got it! Oh shit no, I need Green as well. Shit what do I do, what do I do? Taylor at left back. Yes. Shit where do I play McCartney? Right back. Yes right back will do. Hasn't got a right foot which is why we call him Linda and can't cross off his left - his good one - but what the fcuk? He's right back! It works! They all fit! Here's the team (mad laugh), here's the answer (even madder laugh), I've solved the riddle! And I'll have Morrison on the bench!

Thunder clap, flash of lightning.

The team:

Green

McCartney, Tomkins, Faye, Taylor

Collison, Lansbury, Nolan, Noble, Vaz Te

Cole

Could shift to

Green

Tomkins, Faye, McCartney

Lansbury                                         Taylor

Collison  Noble

Nolan

Cole         Vaz Te

If it works, great! If it doesn't, the guys in white coats could be taking Allardyce down to an institute in Purfleet when the final whistle blows, to sit in a cell eating flies!

Time to Shop in Morrisons!

It aint true. Every little doesn't help, when the little is Faubert, it's a bleedin' hindrance. Why pay more? Well as Lansbury has shown, loan signings are either inadequate or less than fully committed to the cause. When West Ham are involved, good players do not cost less, unless we are selling! So now somebody should be taking Allardyce to one side and saying it's time for "A fresh choice for you!"

The team is screaming out for inspiration, for something different. Everything is so predictable. The same old, same old have been tried and tested and have been found to be wanting. Faubert has impressed occasionally but can't cross and can't score, so is a liability in a 4-3-3 formation. As Basildon rightly demanded in mid week, God only knows why this hasn't been sorted out on the training field.

How hard can it be to beat the first defender? How hard can it be not to put the ball into orbit? How hard can it be to keep the ball in bleeding play when you cross it? Well it's too bloody hard for Faubert, O'Brien and McCartney! Probably because they don't practise it. How can you work on skills when you are running up hills with weights on your back? Why worry about crossing accurately when the only stat Allardyce seems to care about is how often you get the ball into the opposition's penalty box? Football is like sex with a whore for Allardyce. Just get it in there, to hell with technique and the pleasure principle!

Opposition managers have worked us out. That's hardly surprising. We were on TV first game of the season and all the problems we saw on Wednesday were evident against Cardiff. There's no balance. There's no ability to go past an opponent. There's no flair. This is an Allardyce team, packed full of graft and utterly devoid of guile and grace.

So cue Morrison. Is he the answer? God knows. But he is the joker in the pack. Pick him. You may take him off after 20 mins but at least you will know if he can do it at this level. And if he can't, what was the point of signing him?

Shape wise, it has to be 4-5-1. Allardyce will pick Nolan and we can't play 4-4-2 with Nolan in the team. So how do we set up? My team would now read:

Green

O'Brien, Faye, McCartney, Taylor,

Tomkins

Noble, Nolan

Morrison,                          Baldock

Vaz Te

I'm not comfortable with that team because square pegs are in round holes but we have to get Taylor in the team because of his set piece delivery, we need an anchor for midfield and Tomkins has looked the best option for me so far, and we need more than one goal scorer in the team. Baldock, Vaz Te and Nolan would all offer a goal threat, and Vaz Te and Baldock could swap positions, adding to the problems posed to the opposition. Alternatively, Cole could come in for Baldock, with Vaz Te moving wide left.

Either way, let's see what Morrison can do.

Barton and Cisse Reflect on QPR's Relegation & Survival

Barton
How long will a club lie i' the Premiership ere it rot?

Cisse, the Clown
I' faith, if it be not rotten before it dies--as we have many pocky clubs now-a-days, that will scarce hold the laying in--he will last you some eight month or nine month: a Wanderer will last you nine year.

Barton
Why them more than another?

Cisse the Clown
Why, sir, their hide is so tanned with their trade, that they will keep out goals a great while; and opposition goals are a sore decayer of your whoreson Premiership body. Here's a skull now; this skull has lain in the earth three and twenty days.

Barton
Whose was it?

Cisse thet Clown
A whoreson mad fellow's it was: whose do you think it was?

Barton
Nay, I know not.

Cisse the Clown
A pestilence on him for a mad rogue! a' poured a flagon of Rhenish on my head once. This same skull, sir, was Warnock's skull, our Tony's jester.

Barton
Let me see. Alas, poor Warnock! I knew him, my Cisse: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rims at it. Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? Your gambols? Your songs? Your flashes of merriment, that were wont to set the training field on a roar? Not one now, to mock your own grinning? Quite chap-fallen? Now get you to Mark Hughes' chamber, and tell him, let him paint an inch thick, to this favour he must come; make him laugh at that! Prithee, Cisse, tell me one thing.

Cisse the Clown
What's that, my lord?

Barton
Dost thou think Birmingham looked o' this fashion i' the Prem?

Cisse the Clown
E'en so.

Barton
And smelt so? pah!

Cisse the Clown
E'en so, my lord.

Barton
To what base uses we may return, Cisse! Why may not imagination trace the noble dust of Birmingham, till he find it stopping a bung-hole?

Cisse the Clown
'Twere to consider too curiously, to consider so.

Barton
No, faith, not a jot; but to follow him thither with modesty enough, and likelihood to lead it: as thus: Birmingham collapsed, Birmingham were relegated, Birmingham returneth into the Championship; the Championship is earth; of earth we make loam; and why of that loam, whereto he was converted, might they not stop a beer-barrel? Imperious Caesar, dead and turn'd to clay, might stop a hole to keep the wind away. O, that that earth, which kept the world in awe, should patch a wall to expel the winter flaw! But soft! but soft! aside: here comes Mark Hughes and a funeral procession!

(Later)

Enter Joey Barton, thoughtful:

Barton:
To be a Premiership club or not to be a Premiership club. That is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them. To be relegated, to be no more--and by going down say we end the heartache, and the thousand natural shocks that survival is heir to. 'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished. To go down, to slide-- to slide--perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub, for in the Championship what dreams may come
when we have shuffled off this Premiership coil, must give us pause. There's the respect that makes calamity of so long life. For who would bear the whippings and scorns of the Prem, th' oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely, the pangs of despised defeat, the law's delay, the insolence of the Premiership, and the spurns that patient merit of th' unworthy takes, when he himself might his quietus make with a bare relegation? Who would the Prem bear, to grunt and sweat under a weary life, but that the dread of something after the drop, the rediscovered country, from whose bourn few travellers returns, puzzles the will, and makes us rather bear those ills we have than fly to others that we know not of? Thus conscience does make cowards of us all, and thus the native hue of resolution is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought, and enterprise of great pitch and moment with this regard their currents turn awry and lose the name of action. -- Soft you now, the fair Onouha! -- Nedum, in thy orisons be all my sins remembered!

Karren Brady Offers a 69 on the cheap!

I know we are desperate to get bums on seats but advertising a VIP 69 is surely going too far!

http://www.whufc.com/articles/20120309/be-a-vip-on-saturday-for-just-69_2236884_2642081

The offer involves an "action packed hospitality experience" which is a good job given the paucity of excitement on the pitch and that phrase surely can't refer to the "warming shepherds pie" and "exclusive bar access"!

Exclusive Bar access? What the fcuk is exclusive access to the bar? Do they clear all the punters out of the way and give you your own personal big breasted barmaid? "I'm here for the 69 deal" could get you arrested!

I'm presuming the offer involves Brady, because I can't see many takers for Sullivan, Gold or Allardyce. They really would leave a bad taste in the mouth!

At least with Princess Karren it would just resemble a trip to Billingsgate Gate market; well she is a bit of an old trout these days isn't she?

Herita Ilunga Re-Signs & Returns to West Ham!

Calm down, calm down, he's signed for Doncaster Rovers. Mind you, he should have clearance for the weekend so we could see him back at Upton Park after all. I would say, let's hope so, but we all know that the Rule of Sod operates with knobs on at West Ham, so if he plays, he will probably have a blinder!

But if Ilunga starts and we can't take advantage, it will say absolutely everything that needs to be said about how inept we are going forward. All we need do is post somebody - anybody other than Faubert - high and wide on the right and tell him to enjoy the wide open spaces. If Ilunga does get back, then wait for him to put his arms out and drill the ball hard and fast against one to claim the penalty! Mind you, should Alardyce go with Faubert and Doncaster start with Ilunga, we could see the ultimate match-up between the bubble and the soft place! Incompetence meets Incompetence Arse On! The Dual of the Inadequates! Useless and Uselesser! After You, No After You! To Me To You, To Me To You!

I want to know where Herita has been for the last month! Sunning himself on a mid season break perhaps? Presumably Doncaster wanted him at the end of January but the Rita didn't fancy a full season. Sums up the idle sod really, doesn't it?

Glasgow Rangers: Whyter than...er black?

So the SFA have suddenly decided that Craig Whyte is not a "fit and proper person to own a football club". Talk about shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted! Maybe, just maybe, somebody should have come up with this idea before the entire Glasgow sewage system hit the fan!

Mind you, if Whyte is not a fit and proper owner, what does that make the guy who owns Hearts?

How ironic. West Ham are run by porn merchants but that is fine. And before that we were owned by an Icelandic merchant banker who had served time - and that was alright too. And look at the guys who have used Portsmouth for money laundering! OK again apparently. And then there's the Birmingham owner! It's surely time for the governing bodies to apply the fit and proper criteria with more vigour.

Meanwhile, Rangers might not be able to complete their fixtures this season apparently. Surely this is scare mongering though, surely they are simply trying to frighten some well heeled Protestant Scot to part with his cash? Hang on, I've just seen where the problem lies!


Despite the ireful replies to my last Rangers blog, I wish the club no ill. In the 70s, when my passion for football blossomed, Celtic ruled the roost in Scotland and so I favoured Rangers as the underdog. I switched allegiance when I understood the sectarian issues but I certainly don't want a great club like Rangers to go to the wall. Surely, surely, they will find a Scot with arms as long as his pockets are deep before it is too late!

Won't they?

Mind you, the Royal Bank of Scotland went tits up, and now Scotland's biggest football club is in administration, and yet our Tartan Cousins think they can run a bloody country! It's beginning to look as if they couldn't organise a piss up in a distillery!

A Season Ticket Holder Speaks Out - We are a Shambles!

(Article submitted by Basildon Iron)

I just don't know what it is about Upton Park but for a good few years we haven't seemed comfortable playing there. If we're not in the lead within the first 15 mins then, yes, the crowd can get on the players' backs but I really can’t see how this has such a negative impact. These are professional sportsman & before everyone goes "Yes but they're still human" they've lived with pressure all their lives, they've lived with being the best kid at school, the one that everyone wants to kick lumps out of because they're the best, they've lived with YTS schemes and scholarships where there’s 30 kids & maybe only 1 or 2 will make it professional, they've lived with playing reserve team football & shining above others to get themselves into the first team. Pressure, pressure, pressure is what they've been bought up on, yet a few irate fans can seemingly turn them to jelly? I just don’t get it.

I was intrigued by Sam’s post match comments: last week against Palace the players got booed off after a 0-0 draw, Sam comes out & says the players aren't happy & they don’t deserve that; last night the players got booed off after a 1-1 draw with Watford yet he comes out after this game saying the players have a duty to step up to the mark & they didn’t do so. Please tell me the difference between the 2 games? It all smacks of a little bit of desperation to me.

Too many players simply didn’t perform last night; you see it, I see it, yet the manager can't. Faubert was truly awful yet he stayed on the pitch for 90 minutes. Why? Why was Taylor the one to make way? Taylor may not have done much last night but he sure performed better than Faubert & knowing the amount of injury time to be added was around the 10 minute mark, why would you not keep the man who is the best set piece taker in the club on the pitch? There are two wide players there, one having a nightmare & one not playing particularly badly but not really involved too much. I can’t even see the quandary for Allardyce if it were just those facts, but considering one of those players is capable of scoring, or at least assisting with any set piece, yet he's the player who's taken off is absolutely farcical. I'm disillusioned by the whole thing.

Nolan and Noble cannot play together in a two man midfield, it’s been blindingly obvious all season yet still we persist, same tactics & same long ball crap. The ball was repeatedly pumped long all night. I could understand it if you had a 5 man midfield with 3 central players to feed off the scraps, drop downs & second balls yet Noble was almost playing as a defender & Nolan as a striker, consequently Watford won the second ball every time. I could see that after 10 mins of football but does anything change? Does it hell! Maynard looks a totally crap: poor movement, poor link up play, poor first touch, poor decision making; Baldock comes on & looks exactly the same, he’d only been on the field for a couple of mins when he was sent away down field one on one with the defender who he can clearly skin for pace but he pulls up, tries to lay the ball off & loses possession - it's rank poor decision making & it's costing us dear.

Surely someone in the management team can see the players weaknesses and should be on the training ground all day long with them if necessary to try and fix it. Faubert has never been able to cross a ball properly in the whole time he’s been here, and the crossing of O’Brien, McCartney and Taylor was abysmal too; so why aren’t the players out on the training pitch all day and all night if need be throughout the week to get the ball right? It’s not good enough and every single season ticket holder has been well and truly short changed yet again this season.

I don’t know what the answer is but ultimately any issue will never be solved without admitting there’s a problem, and therein lies the truth. No one with any power or control at the club has the balls to admit it……and isn’t that just West Ham all over!!!!!!!

West Ham 1 Watford 1 - Utter Crap!

Sadly I called it before kick off. There's a real problem with creativity when we set up with Nolan in the side at home because we either set up 4-3-3 which becomes 4-5-1 or we go 4-4-2 and Noble can't control the game as he does with an anchor alongside him. Meanwhile, we have a whole clutch of forwards who can't finish as well as 'Arry's wife and wide midfielders who can't beat opponents and cross the ball.

Let's put this result into perspective. Watford lost 3-0 at home to Southampton a couple of weeks back and have been shipping goals at a rate of knots lately. But did we stretch them? Barely. Yes we hit the bar, early doors, yes Faubert missed a couple of good chances, but apart from that, the keeper had a relatively easy night. We were dreadful, and Watford actually had the best chance to win it.

The worry is that Reading are now breathing down our necks and that teams have seen how easy it is to frustrate us at Upton Park. Faubert is back to his awful worst, Allardyce doesn't seem to trust Taylor to last longer than 60 minutes, Nolan and Noble can't be paired in a midfield four, Baldock is low on confidence in front of goal, Maynard looks crap and all in all, we are unimaginative, uninspiring and uninspired.

Yes we are still second but just as with the victory at Blackpool, all the good work done away to Cardiff has been undone by our dreadful home form. Where do we go from here? To be honest, I don't know. Allardyce has his squad and is intent on playing Nolan, so we have to set up 4-5-1 / 4-3-3. The trouble is, only Cole can lead the line and he is not a Lambert, he doesn't score enough goals. Allardyce will blame the forwards again no doubt but he signed Baldock, Maynard, Vaz Te, Nolan and Carew so it's his fault if we can't score.

We were crap again tonight and got what we deserved. No hang on, we got one more point that we deserved!

Half Time West Ham 0 Watford 0 - Same Old Problems!

Same, old, same old. Allardyce has started 4-4-2 and, in consequence, both Noble and Nolan are struggling. The pair need to be in a midfield five to play together it seems. Nolan wants to link with the forwards so Noble has to do too much of the defensive work. Meanwhile the wide men tuck in and we have no width going forward.

Once again, Maynard is out of the game - even though he has Cole up top alongside him. The problem, of course, is that the supply is so poor. Noble is off his game, Nolan is not a playmaker as Allardyce admits, Faubert's imposter has disappeared and the real no deal has returned in his stead - missing a sitter - and Taylor has been busy but offered little in terms of creativity after hitting the bar early doors.

Worryingly, the crowd are quiet again and there's a depressing lack of urgency on the pitch. As with Palace, we are waiting for things to happen rather than making them happen. Watford are first to the ball and are looking depressingly comfortable. And the longer this goes on, the more their confidence with grow and our anxiety will increase. Watford are crap away from home and very dodgy at the back, but you wouldn't know it tonight.

What do we do? Probably, we need to go 4-3-3 somehow, but with Nolan that's hard! Vaz Te for Faubert and Baldock for Maynard perhaps? If Allardyce is going to make the change, he has to make it sooner rather than later!

Watford - The Biggest Game Of The Season So Far!

My God, these biggest games of the season are coming thick and fast at the moment. On Sunday it was vital to stay in touch with Southampton and reopen a buffer zone between ourselves and Reading. Now, we have the opportunity to leapfrog the Saints and reestablish the lead over the Royals.

In some ways, last night's result at Southampton was unfortunate. Whilst it is great that we have the opportunity to climb to the top, the Saints' stumble has given new hope to Reading. They have chased and closed so well, but have not had a sniff of the automatic promotion places - and that can only go on for so long before a team loses heart. Now Southampton are in range - if Reading win their game in hand they are level on points - so even if we win tonight, Reading will fancy themselves of coming through on the slipstream.

Of course, if that is at Southampton's expense we don't care, but we shouldn't get too carried away. A home draw against mid table Ipswich looks poor but the Tractor Boys have fitted a turbo charger recently and are playing more like combine harvesters, so the draw wasn't as big a shock as some people imagine. And, of course, Southampton bettered our results against the sister shaggers.

Either way, tonight's game is absolutely huge now. We have to capitalise, leapfrog Southampton with a game in hand and keep Reading out of reach. The worry is our poor goals per game return at Upton Park - Blackpool apart - which means we are always at risk of dropping home points. Take off the 4 home goals netted against the Tangerine Dreamers and we have netted just 21 goals in 15 games, a pathetic average of just 1.4 goals per game. The opposition average a goal a game in those matches so a 1-1 draw is always on the cards. Why did Southampton stumble last night? Because at 1-0 late in the game you are playing with tight margins - one slip and that's it!

So what team will Allardyce pick tonight? 4-5-1 to accommodate Nolan in an advanced midfield role , or 4-4-2, to give us more goal scoring opportunities whilst running the risk of conceding?

I would favour 4-4-2, with two genuine wide men, Taylor and Vaz Te. My side would throw caution to the wind and invite the players to express themselves, using the following personnel:

Green

O'Brien, Tomkins, Faye, McCartney

Vaz Te, Noble, Nolan, Taylor,

Cole, Baldock

Subs: Boffin, Maynard, Reid (if fit), Collison, Faubert.

Will Allardyce set up like that, or with Maynard in place of Baldock? I doubt it!

Southampton Stumble But Reading Win Again

It's looking more and more like a three horse race. Blackpool are out of it after another defeat tonight and Birmingham are going to choke under the sheer pressure of games. Reading were less than convincing tonight but picked up yet another three points. That's 21 from 21 now - terrifying! Middlesbrough are hanging on but aren't good enough.

Happily, Ipswich did us a huge favour. Victory tomorrow would see us go top with a game in hand. But we don't have the greatest of records at home to Watford as Alan Curbishley might remember!

Replace Allardyce With Doncaster's Dean Saunders Now!

The little Welshman must be a genius! Piquionne made his debut for Doncaster tonight and scored! And it wasn't a lucky deflection off his arse!

What the hell is Allardyce doing with our forwards? Why do they all look useless under him? Bloody centre back mentality! We need an ex forward in charge, somebody who knows how to score goals, someone like Zola!

No hang on...

West Ham Circling Glasgow Rangers Like A Vulture

It's not nice but it's sensible. I must admit that I don't know much about football north of the border - other than it is crap - but it's hard to imagine that Rangers players can't do a job in the Championship and that their players won't command a fee if a club sells them on having signed them up on a contract.

Is rumoured target Celik any good? He sounds like a salad vegetable but he is a winger, and any option to Faubert has to be interesting. Mind you, he is only 5' 9" tall so Allardyce might say he would have signed Snow White if he wanted the seven dwarfs!

He's also only 21 and a Swedish U21 and U19 international, suggesting he is one for the future. On a free, he must be worth a punt surely?

And we are also being linked with Leicester's Matt Mills who was signed for over £5m in the summer and is now, apparently, available on loan. Again this sounds like good business, although with Taylor able to cover at left back and Reid and McCartney therefore options to replace Tomkins and Faye, I'm not convinced we need him. But safety first is sensible and if Sullivan and Gold are happy to splash more of their cash on salaries, who are we to complain?

But where's the logic in Leicester lending Mills to us? It suggests they have given up all hope of catching us and, perhaps, hope that by strengthening us, ensure we take maximum points off of play off rivals.

Freddie Fly Tipped In Doncaster

He's gone! Well let's not get too excited, he's only gone for a while. And we're still paying the bulk of his wages. Maybe all of his wages for all we know. And if Freddie is leading the Doncaster attack, they're unlikely to pose much of a threat to any of our rivals.

Presumably he's not allowed to play against us next Saturday because Sod's Law says he will fall over in the box and deflect in an equaliser off his arse!

Poor Doncaster. First they had Ilunga and now Freddie the Fly Tipper. I know the City's a dump - confirmed by my visit in January - but it still seems excesssive and cruel to me.

Redknapp's Bubble Bursts as Tottenham Slump!

No wonder the FA are taking their time before appointing a new manager, with the wheels coming off the 'Arry wagon with a vengeance. Defeats against Man Utd, Arsenal and Man City and a draw at Stevenage in the Cup have exposed the Tottenham miracle for what it is, a chimera.

In truth, this is a very poor Premiership and with the squad available to Redknapp, third place is nothing more than par for the course. Arsenal are nothing special as AC Milan and Man Utd showed, but they were still good enough to smash five past Spurs after giving them a two goal lead. Man Utd aren't all that special either, but they rolled Spurs over comfortably enough yesterday. In fact, the Newcastle game apart, Tottenham have been pretty ordinary for some time now - showing just how important a fit and on form Van der Vaart is to them.

As I have kept saying, Parker is ok with quality around him, but if the big guns start to misfire, he does not have the ability to carry the team. Yes he has done a good bits and pieces job thus far but Modric, Van der Vaart, Bale and Adebayoor are the key parts of the Tottenham jigsaw and, unfortunately, 'Arry would not be able to pick any of them if given the England job!

Taarabt Relegating QPR Single Handedly!

How appropriate that Adel Taarabt lost possession for Everton's goal, costing QPR two vital home points, because this guy is single handedly relegating QPR.

Pavel Pogrebnyak's record in the Prem stands at five goals from five shots and puts Taarabt's failure to net a single goal from over 60 shots into frightening perspective.  Fulham had an amazing 25 shots on goal against Wolves yesterday and netted five goals. Apply that ratio to Taarabt and he should have 11 goals by now. Liverpool managed 12 strikes against Arsenal and returned one goal. On that ratio, Adel should have five goals. Arsenal returned 2 goals from 10 attempts, which would give Taarabt 11 goals. And so it goes on.

Just how many points has the wayward shooting, or selfish shooting, of the Morrocan cost the Hoops so far? The guy is a legend in his own mind but the evidence suggests that he is a liability in the Premiership and that he may be a prime factor in QPR's struggles. Hughes should look at the facts and either tell Taarabt to pass rather than shoot, or drop the selfish egotist to accommodate a team player instead.

Allardyce Lays Into Forwards - Again!

Whilst praising the contribution of Captain Kevin Van Nolan, Doctor Evil couldn't resist another bitch about his misfiring forwards.

At pains again to explain that Nolan is there to finish rather than create, Allardyce insisted, "Kevin Nolan is a midfielder goalscorer, he's not a midfielder playmaker."

He then sang the praises of his captain adding, "He puts himself in very dangerous positions in the box and finds the quality and the finish in the box that's basically only afforded to the top centre-forwards."

But it is a top centre forward that we still lack, as Allardyce pointed out: "(Nolan's was) a fantastic goal on the end of a real good performance. He showed the centre-forwards how to do it, 'This is how to score lads, come on, get your act together.' They still didn't learn from that because they kept missing some sitters in the second half!"

Ouch! Allardyce is right of course, Maynard should have bagged two goals in the second half and Vaz Te and Collison could and should have got themselves on the score sheet too.

Fulham's new Russian has had five shots on goal since arriving in the Prem and has scored five goals. It is that sort of quality we lack. That's why Premiership teams weren't interested in Maynard and Vaz Te, even though they were going for a song, and it's why Cole is still at West Ham and why Kenwyne Jones will never be anything special.

Forwards have to bury chances, and forwards who need five shots for every goal scored are ultimately a liability. Sadly in Piquionne, Carew, Cole, Vaz Te and Maynard, we have a bus load of strikers who can't hit a barn door from five paces!

Baldock may be the answer. I would start him alongside Cole against Watford.

Jol's Fulham close in on Dalglish's Liverpool and leave Hughes' QPR in their wake!

Wow! What a result and what a performance from Pogrebnyak and Dempsey. It's looking as if Jol saw Hughes coming when the man who thought he was too good for Fulham asked about Zamora! Who is looking astute and who is looking a mug at the moment exactly?

Fulham are now just three points behind mighty Liverpool. How ironic that both Woy's former club and current club are now on the shoulder of the once mighty Liverpool FC! The decision to force Hodgson out and to replace him with free spending King Kenny is looking increasingly stupid to everybody outside of Anfield. Of course the majority of Scousers won't admit to that which is why the decline is likely to continue.

Meanwhile, QPR's survival prospects were enhanced by the thumping defeat of Wolves. It's beginning to look as if draws and modest defeats are all that is required to survive this season! QPR and Blackburn both dropped crucial home points yesterday but both sit outside the bottom three thanks to Fulham's demolition of Wolves.

As for Wolves, the appointment of Terry Connor is looking increasingly stupid. But can the Wolves board reverse the decision now? Frankly that is very unlikely, but by appointing a rookie, they have given the players the perfect excuse for failure.

Cardiff 0 West Ham 2 Kevin Van Nolan and Lionel McCartney Strike!

"We're going for first, we want to go up as Champions", so spake Captain Kevin Van Nolan after a huge, huge, huge victory. Once again, apart from two flashes of brilliance, it was a victory based on organisation and endeavour, but that's what Allardyce has brought to the table - it aint pretty, but it is pretty effective.

Man of the Match? It has to be the very model of an Allardyce player, Faye. He was huge at the back, not just the brick wall you might expect, but a highly mobile brick wall. Twice he was exposed, one on one with a Cardiff forward, and twice his leg telescoped out to win the ball, belying his bulk and years. He aint Bobby Moore, but he is playing as well as any West Ham defender I have seen since the great man - and that includes Alvin Martin, Bonds, Collins, Tomkins, Gale, Bilic, Upson and co. He is big. He is hard. He is unflappable. He reads the game. He is strong in the air. And he can tackle.  And he played the best pass of the game into the bargain! Not bad for a free transfer!

Mind you, he was superbly screened by the organisation of the midfield in front of him. There was no designated holding midfielder so the team did the job as a unit. Only twice all game did we look stretched as Cardiff broke, and on one of those occasions Maynard chased back and got in a brilliant tackle. We were tight, we were professional, and we thoroughly deserved our victory.

That said, we could have blown it. Whittingham's free kick against the post was superb but Nolan should never have given him the chance with a silly and unnecessary push. And at the death, Green pulled off a brilliant save to stop Cardiff scoring. It remains a slight worry that even when so professional, two slips of concentration / momentary losses of discipline might have cost us victory. There was also Faye's clearance off the line after McCartney's weak header back which was never going to reach Green.

But at the other end we had our chances too. Maynard missed a sitter after being played in by a sloppy headed back pass, and Vaz Te should have done so much better after Faye's lovely 40 yard pass. Maynard missed two other good chances, one in each half, and Vaz Te twice missed the target in goal scoring positions. Add in Collison's volley over the bar, and this could have been another four goal away performance had the team been wearing shooting boots. Another nagging worry perhaps.

Vaz Te was poor in truth and neither Lansbury nor Collison contributed to the required level when we had the ball. Noble was everywhere, always making it easy for team mates by making himself available, but his passing was not up to recent standards.

But no matter. Nolan's finish to give us the lead was out of the top drawer, equalling for me his drilled volley finish against Derby. The technique, opening his body and placing the ball into the far corner, was Van Persie like, and there's no bigger compliment than that at the moment!

And as for Lionel McCartney's goal, well his run, cross, and right footed finish were...well mesmerising. Never again will he be called Linda on this blog, he's Lionel until his retiring day for me!

This was a huge win achieved under huge pressure. Southampton and Reading fans would have settled down expecting us to crumble, but as Nolan confirmed at the end of the game, we are in this Championship to win it! And if we keep playing like this, we could well do it!

Player Ratings: Green 7 (Was that free kick covered though? Seemed to leave too much of a target again), O'Brien 6, Faye 9, Tomkins 7, McCartney 7, Lansbury 6, Noble 7, Collison 6, Nolan 8, Vaz Te 4, Maynard 5 Subs: Cole 5, O'Neil 5

Half Time Cardiff 0 West Ham 1 So Far So OK

Nolan has his critics, and I've been one of them this season, but what you can't ever take away from the guy is his hunger to score. What a finish. The move looked dead and buried after Maynard trapped the ball for the first time all game, then gave it away. But when Maynard won it back, Nolan was superbly positioned, on the shoulder of the defender where you would expect Vaz Te or Collison to be, and he opened his body brilliantly and buried the chance like Van Persie at his best. Fantastic.

But that was just about it in terms of offensive play. Maynard snatched at and missed a good chance on the volley after a lovely cushioned header from Collison and poor technique saw JC put a similar opportunity over the bar. Allardyce should show them a tape of Van Persie's goal yesterday so they can see how it is done! Vaz Te also put one over, falling backwards as he shot.

In midfield we have been measured, retaining the ball well until a forward pass has been attempted, which has invariably then been too long. Noble is controlling things, but has not found his passing range yet, Collison has been busy but ineffective, Nolan has impressed, closing down with surprising hunger but Lansbury and Vaz Te have disappointed. Up front, Maynard has been more conspicuous than against Palace but still looks lost up front alone.

Defensively, thus far, we have been good. Cardiff look subdued but Faye, in particular, has been huge. Fingers crossed we can keep it up!

Injuries Force Allardyce Onto The Front Foot!

No Reid and no Faubert, and Ringo Paul wasn't up to it, so Doctor Evil has been forced on to the offensive! The side isn't as compact as I expected it to be and the inclusion of Lansbury gives it a potentially exciting feel.

The personnel have been identified but it is by no means clear how we will set up. 4-5-1, 4-3-3 and 4-4-2 are all possible. Who will play wide right? Collison or Lansbury? Who will anchor the midfield? Collison or Noble? The worry is confusion. Palace swamped us in midfield last week and poured forward at will. If Cardiff do the same, it will be curtains.

The hope is that we will go on to the front foot and that Lansbury and Noble will run the show. The decision to run with Maynard rather than Cole or Baldock is very surprising. It's also interesting to see that recent policy has been reversed by including Boffin on the bench. There's also a huge irony in the need to include young Potts on the bench as our only defensive cover just days after the Yank was sent packing to Dallas.

Today's team:

Green

O'Brien, Faye, Tomkins, McCartney

Collison

Noble, Lansbury

Nolan, Vaz Te

Maynard

The Biggest Game Of The Season By Far!

This is it, this is the big one. Lose it and we may well be buggered. Draw it, and we are in a three horse race for two places for sure. Win it and Reading's steam train may just run out of puff - because you can only chase and stay behind for so long.

The Reading stats are terrifying. Six wins out of six, eighteen points out of eighteen, and even more frightening, thirteen wins out of the last sixteen. Meanwhile, Southampton have rediscovered their form and have opened up a 4 point gap, having been three points behind us. It's true that we have two games in hand over Southampton, but lose today and that will be down to one, which even if we win, will leave us a point in arrears. Their victory at Warnock managed Leeds yesterday was a huge result.

And, of all teams, we play Cardiff today, the side that burst our bubble first game of the season and fresh, or otherwise, from that epic Cup Final against Liverpool. How will Cardiff respond to that heartbreak? Their fans will welcome them home as heroes today and a televised game against West Ham is just what they need to get the adrenaline pumping again. I expect them to come out from the traps fast, determined to take out on us the frustrations of last week. What price Gerrard to smash home an opening goal in the first ten minutes? And if that happens, God help us!

Nolan will be back after last week's shambolic performance against Palace but who else will feature? I fancy Allardyce will go safety first and set up like this:

Green

O'Brien, Faye, Reid, McCartney,

Tomkins

Collison, Noble,

Nolan

Cole, Vaz Te

There's very little width in that team, of course, but Collison would be asked to pull to the right and Vaz Te to the left when we have the ball and the caravan will be parked when we don't. Right tactics? Probably not. After a boxer has gone fifteen rounds in his last bout and been beaten on points, the best thing to do is hit him early and hard in the next bout, putting him on the ropes and keeping him there. If we sit back, one haymaker punch will see Cardiff on top and their confidence will surge.

No Home Spark For QPR Again

Another home game, and more vital, vital points lost. To reach 38 points, I identified today's home game as one of three crucial home fixtures, including the matches against Stoke and Swansea, that QPR HAD to win. With two more vital points surrendered, it means that one of the games against Arsenal and Spurs now have to be won. And that isn't likely given QPR have only won twice at home all season - beating 9 man Chelsea luckily, and against bottom of the table Wigan.

The game at Bolton isn't just important now, it will decide QPR's fate. With West Brom beating Chelsea today, that fixture looks increasingly more difficult and does anybody really fancy the Hoops at Sunderland? As for the trips to Man City, Man Utd and Chelsea, well, only the most optimistic R would expect anything from those games! So actually, it is beginning to look like a struggle to make it to 34points, with a win at Bolton and victories at home to Stoke and Swansea essential to make it to that most modest of targets. Even then, two draws are needed from a clutch of challenging fixtures.

Still Zamora scored today and a point is better than none. The secret to QPR's survival is the appalling form of their rivals. Wigan's loss today was huge and Blackburn's home draw with Villa was useful too. It's likely to come down to a shoot out between the teams at the bottom, and the problem is, QPR only play one team in the bottom five - and that's next week at Bolton! Lose that, and QPR will be in the bottom three because Wolves play Blackburn. And once there, climbing back out again is going to be viciously difficult.

So it's shit or bust next week at Bolton. Anybody's money on QPR to win it?

Reading Victory Spells Big Big Trouble

When I posted on here that we had to hope for a Millwall victory today, some tribal idiots took issue with me. Well those fools should look at the table now and consider the implications of Reading having taken 18 points from the last 18. As I write, Southampton are winning at Leeds, so the pressure is mounting. Lose or draw at Cardiff tomorrow and we will feel the hot breath of the Royals on the nape of our necks and could find ourselves looking at the arses of the Saints wiggling in delight as Southampton disappear up the road ahead of us.

Worrying days indeed, and after it all looked so good following that victory at Blackpool. Let's hope we are not jet lagged after the ill advised Middle Eastern jaunt when we rock up in the principality, and that Cardiff are suffering a major hang over after the crushing disappointment of the penalty shoot out at Wembley.

We can hope, but I wouldn't have money on it!

Time For Liverpool's Dalglish To Step Down

Another home game, still more points lost. Liverpool are now cut adrift from the top 4 and but for the consolation of the League Cup, would now be struggling to qualify for the Europa League. Dalglish was brought in to return Liverpool to greatness, but instead is leading them deeper into mediocrity.

There will be Scousers who will claim, of course, that the glory days are back because of that penalty shoot out victory over the might of Cardiff City, but they have no sense of what Liverpool FC stands for. Once upon a time, not so long ago, the club regarded the Carling Cup with the contempt it deserves - and that was before it was used to blood kids and rest key players. As for beating Cardiff - well that would have been taken for granted. To be taken to penalties was humiliating.

Today was the opportunity to make a statement, to build upon winning a trophy, using it as a springboard for the pursuit of a Champions League place; instead Liverpool FC proved once again just how far they have fallen behind the teams at the top of the division. Arsenal are poor this season and so are Chelsea, yet even with their decline, Liverpool are still struggling. Never mind that they are seven points behind Chelsea and ten behind Arsenal (with the Manchester clubs out of sight!), what must really hurt is to find Stoke just three points behind and, worst of all, Woy Hodgson's West Brom just a further point back! How ironic would it be if, come the end of the season, Woy's Baggies topped King Kenny's Weds?

How much has Dalglish spent and what have Liverpool got in return? A cup competed for by Premiership reserve teams and won last season by relegated Birmingham City. As silverware goes, it is a piss pot and not even an antique one at that! Liverpool are now down with the also rans, a hugely expensive team of mediocrities not even within touching distance of Man Utd's shadow!

Hodgson was hated and reviled yet Dalglish is still treated as a god because the poor Scousers are forever living in the past. King Kenny belongs in a different era, an era when Liverpool won trophies by a divine footballing right. But dynasties mean nothing in the Prem, and Liverpool FC and her fans would do well to listen to the Beatles lament about Yesterday. Dalglish needs to go and go now, not when he is 64!

West Ham Signed Wrong Half Of Fab Four

When will we learn? We thought we were signing a Mexican wunderkind after the last World Cup and ended up with a doppelganger from Taco Bell, and now after a month, we've sent our half of the Fab Four back to Dallas ahead, no doubt,of hunting down Ringo Paul instead.

Wonder how Allardyce broke the news to the unwanted Yank? Get back? You've got a ticket to ride? We can't work it out? You can't do out? You won't see me anymore? If I needed someone...it wouldn't be you? I should have known better? I don't need you? I don't want to see you again? You are a walrus? Hey John, you let me down? Or Hello, Goodbye?

West Ham's Promotion Hangs On Thread Of Portsmouth's Survival

I'm sure there must be a rule preventing it, but if not, Sullivan and Gold should consider funneling some revenue down to Portsmouth to keep them afloat. With the administrator warning that, without a cash injection, Portsmouth may not be able to complete their fixtures, the situation is becoming very serious indeed - and the impact on ourselves would be catastrophic if all Pompey's results were expunged.

Should that happen, Southampton would lose 1 point, Reading none, Blackpool 1, Birmingham 3, Cardiff 4 and West Ham 6.

Reconstruct the table without those points and it gets scary indeed!

Southampton 32       61
Reading        32       57
West Ham    30       55
Blackpool     31       54
Middlesboro  31      52
Cardiff         30       49
Hull             30       48

How ironic that we may miss out on the Prem because 'Arry's and Storrie's spending bankrupted Portsmouth!

QPR's Mark Hughes Cracking Under The Strain

He's losing it. He must be. I know there is a stereotype of the proverbial Welsh Windbag but Sparky talks himself round in circles and up his own back passage at the the premiere of The Four Year Plan – a documentary about QPR's rise from the brink of bankruptcy to the Premier League.

Hughes tells the world: "Everybody is aware about where we are in the Premier League" (never, really Sparky?) and then goes on to say...

"We've got a lot of quality in the club and, like I said, I have no doubt we can do it. We are confident and we need to get points on the board, but first and foremost you have to earn the right.

"It is OK saying that you've got enough quality, but you have to go out on the field and get points on the board. It is really difficult in the Premier League to get points."

Hang on Mark, hang on. So which is it? Have you got the quality to get the points on the board or not? You seem confused mate, seemingly contradicting yourself by first saying you have the quality and then saying how easy it is to say you have the quality, before adding how difficult it is to get points in the Premiership.

You would have thought that a team with "quality" would have "earned the right" to "points on the board" in games against Wolves, Blackburn and Fulham! Hughes now adds, "I feel we have enough in the building to do that" but it's no good having quality in the building because as Hughes himself admits, "you have to GO OUT ON THE FIELD and get points on the board"! Make up your mind Sparky! Is it quality in the building or quality on the pitch that counts? I mean Dyer is quality!

But Sparky isn't finished. He claims, "We've come through a period where we have probably disappointed ourselves in terms of points we have been able to accumulate given the opposition, but possibly the fact we are going up against more accomplished teams may help us in terms of focus" suggesting that the nature and quality of the opposition is crucial, but in the next gust of wind says, "We are at the point of the season where we have to get points on the board. We only have 12 games to go. Each and every one of them is going to be crucial to us so it is irrelevant really who we are up against." So hang on, I'm lost again. The opposition is important, and the tougher they are the more likely QPR are to win apparently  - even though quality is so imperative if you are to get points on the board according to Sparky - but at the same time it is irrelevant who QPR are up against! Man Utd away or Wolves at home - same difference apparently!

Warnock was at the same event and must have been thinking, "Bloody hell and I thought I talked a load of old bollocks."

Apparently a sequel is already under production. The Five Year Plan sees QPR right back where they started.

Brooking Sitting On The Fence As Usual

So our Trev reckons there's plenty of time to find and appoint a new manager. And based on last night's game he is spot on, because if we play like that, there's no point in turning up for the Euros anyway. People are saying it was a reserve team, but who do we expect to replace those selected exactly?

Rooney is ruled out of the first two games, and with France winning in Germany last night, the third game may be a dead rubber anyway. Terry probably won't be taken. Lampard is over the top. Ferdinand is knackered. Lescott is average. Gerrard started and looked useless anyway. Cole will play at left back it's true and defensively he will be better than Baines. Jones and Johnson could feature but everybody was pleased to see Richards back in before the game started. Does Walcott inspire? Or Bent? Wilshire would improve things if fit but that is a big if!

We looked ok in the first half, but when Holland stepped up a gear it was curtains. True we fought back brilliantly but Cahill was offside for the first and, when they needed to, Holland just went up the other end and scored a third. It was worrying stuff despite Parker's ludicrous claim afterwards that it set us up well for the Euros.

In truth, the FA have already waited too long. They should have snapped up Guus Hiddink when he was available. If not Guus, then Jose. And if not Jose then Woy.

I suspect the delay is to accommodate 'Arry but there may be a genuine reluctance to entrust the job to such an obviously dodgy geezer. I mean, how embarrassing would it be when, returning from a game abroad, 'Arry is stopped by customs and found to have an African player and his agent hiding in his suitcase?