Never Mind the Strikers, Allardyce Can't Find The Target Either!

After the game Allardyce complained, 'We shot ourselves in the foot.' And there we all were, hoping he would point the bloody gun at his big headed temple!

After Reading Defeat, Allardyce Points The Finger Of Blame!

A clearly angry Doctor Evil was in no mood to pull his punches after the game. Raging about defeat in a free scoring game, he said:

"That's what the delusional fans were asking for. We controlled the game for 40 minutes playing the West Ham way and look where it got us. Had we just kept it tight, stolen a goal and kept a clean sheet we would all have gone home happy. Instead all that silly bugger talk about playing the ball on the ground cost us."

"Where was the ball when Noble lost possession which led to their first goal, that's what I want to know? On the ground. Don't ask me why he was fannying around with the ball like that. That's not what I want him to do. Get it, offload it. Get it, hit it forward. We were a goal ahead. We were winning the game. Keep the ball in the air and up the other end of the pitch and the opposition can't score can they? But that's not what West Ham fans want is it? They want entertainment. Well there were six goals today so presumably they feel that they have had good value for money. They have to be pleased with that don't they?"

"People are querying my substitutions. That shows how little my critics know. People are saying I should have brought on Lansbury for Noble. Why exactly? Can the boy defend? We conceded two goals in the second half anyway, it could have been even worse had I not moved Tomkins forward to anchor the midfield."

"Kevin Nolan was excellent again. He isn't a creative midfielder. That's not his game. He is a goal scoring midfielder and his header set up our opening goal. That's what he is in the team for."

"Reading were a bit lucky to be honest with you. Their fourth goal was offside, everybody in the stadium could see that apart from the officials and the penalty was dubious in my book. So had Maynard scored with his chance we could have won the game 3-2 and everybody would have been happy with that. But our forwards are going through a bad patch unfortunately and that is costing us. I have the facts, and let me tell you that over the 90 minutes we were the better team, as we have been in all our recent games. Sooner or later we will get the breaks and the rewards we deserve. Providing we cut out this playing on the ground crap."

"We are third in the table and clear of the chasing pack so everybody has to be pleased with that. Remember, I took over a team that finished bottom last season so, as I keep saying, third place represents outstanding progress. The so called experts are falling over themselves to praise Harry Redknapp because Tottenham are in fourth place but how many places have they improved this season? Not as many as us. Bottom to third is better in my book than fifth to fourth. You see, I have the facts, and it's facts like that which really matter. We are getting there and Bolton wasn't built in a day."

West Ham 2 Reading 4 - Wembley Here We Come!

I'm trying to be positive, I really am. But really, this has been coming hasn't it? Reading have been charging since their 3-0 thumping of us at the Madjeski, and we have been stuttering. First thirty minutes, there only looked to be one winner to be fair, and it wasn't Reading. But the SAMe old problem persists, plenty of possession but little or no guile. But with our midfield, is that any surprise?

So 1-0 after 9 minutes, giving Allardyce the early goal he had demanded and after that, little or no indication of a second, apart from a break away. How busy was Federici? Well idle to be honest. He made a great save to keep out Nolan's header but Cole scored from the rebound so that save doesn't count does it?

The vendetta being conducted against Kebe was stupid, giving Reading free kick after free kick and bringing them back into the game. Noble lost the ball that led to the corner from which Reading scored, and his critics will sadly be gleeful about that, but you should be able to defend a set piece, as Allardyce will tell you, and we didn't. But then with Harte taking them, you are always likely to ship a goal sooner or later. There's one other thing you don't do when Harte is on the field, concede a penalty; so we, of course, obliged there too.

The second Reading goal was an accident waiting to happen, that accident being Faubert. The guy isn't a full back. He's barely a winger to be honest but he most definitely isn't a full back! Play him at the back and it will cost you. Reading nearly scored when he failed to deal with one cross, Tomkins clearing off the line, and didn't shun a second opportunity presented by the dozy frog.

Now we come to half time and the substitution. So, you are 2-1 down and need to win the game and Noble can't come out for the second half. You have Lansbury on the bench. You have Maynard on the bench. You have Baldock on the bench. So what do you do? You send on Collins obviously! OK, strange, but if the idea is to move Faubert forward and Vaz Te inside, fair enough, an interesting tactical switch. But no. That's not Allardyce's plan. Far too progressive. Far too positive. Far too imaginative. No, we have shipped two goals so let's anchor the midfield properly, let's send Tomkins into midfield! Inspired! Truly, truly, truly inspired! Did anybody see that one coming?

And there you have the Allardyce mentality in a nutshell. there is why this man should not be managing our club. Look at his resources compared with those of McDermott. Why is the Reading man able to inspite his team to play without fear whilst our lot look as if they are perched on the edge of Tower Bridge wearing concrete boots as soon as anything starts to go against them.

Tell me, how was a midfield of O'Neil, Nolan, Tomkins, Taylor and Vaz Te going to create chances for Cole parked up top on his own? I bet McDermott couldn't believe his luck when he saw the substitution! Did it work, of course it didn't. Reading scored their third - and there can be no argument over the penalty stupidly conceded by Faye (with Foy ruling out a goal to award the spot kick!) - so Allardyce made another inspired decision, taking off Taylor and sending on Baldock. Brilliant, 4-4-2! But hang on, who was left in midfield? O'Neil, Tomkins, Nolan and Vaz Te! Tell me, how was that collection of misfits going to work? Who, exactly, was going to dictate the play from the middle of the park? Where was the creativity exactly? Two up top but nobody to get the ball up to them! Brilliant management, truly brilliant!

There was, of course, time for another switch, with Allardyce bringing on Maynard for Cole, only for the former Bristol City man to miss a sitter from inside the six yard box with the best chance enjoyed by either side in the whole game.

Vaz Te scored with a good header from an O'Neil corner; and a set piece was the only way we were going to score with that midfield wasn't it? The Reading fourth goal looked offside to me but so what? I can't see us catching them now so goal difference is unlikely to be a factor.

All week I've had a feeling in my water; sadly it's turned out to be a bladder infection. We can still get up via the playoffs but recent performances don't inspire do they? Sadly Peterborough won't feature!

Player ratings: Green 6; Faubert 1, Faye 5, Tomkins 5, McCartney 5, Vaz Te 5, Noble 5, O'Neil 4, Nolan 4, Taylor 5, Cole 6 Subs Baldock 1, Maynard 1, Collins 4

Manager rating: McDermott 10 Allardyce 0!

Half Time West Ham 1 Reading 2 Daylight Robbery!

Oh dear God. For thirty five minutes we were so much in control it was embarrassing, completely dominating the game. Then we started giving away silly free kicks, conducting a vendetta on Kebe, and suddenly the momentum was lost. Reading came into the game and won more and more set pieces. And when Harte is in the opposition team, you don't want to let them have corners or free kicks around your box. Sooner or later they will score. And sure enough they did. Near post corner, Gorkass, 1-1. Shit.

Then, with acceptance of having to start the second forty five on level terms, disaster in the form of Faubert. He'd looked dodgy earlier, missing a cross that obliged Tomkins to clear off the line. Now the dozy frog did his terrible worst and poked the ball to Hunt who promptly scored. 1-2 and big, big, big trouble given Reading tend to play better in the second 45 than in the first.

Our goal was superb. Nolan laid the ball wide, moved into space, met Taylor's cross brilliantly, forced a superb save, and there was Taylor pouncing on the rebound, taking a touch and finishing like Messi.

We are up against it now. We have to win. Vaz Te hasn't got into the groove yet. Nolan will score. Taylor can bend in a free kick. Nobe is long overdue a goal. Go get 'em boys!

Come On You Irons!

Team News: West Ham v Reading. In comes Faubert, otherwise no change!

Team reads:

Green

Faubert, Tomkins, Faye, McCartney

Vaz Te, O'Neil, Noble, Nolan, Taylor

Cole

Subs: Collins, Carew, Baldock, Lansbury, Maynard

No complaints from me! Expect to see Vaz Te and Nolan getting up to support Cole.

Come On You Irons!

QPR's Clint Hill Nails Hoops' and Hammers' Problems

Clint Hill has come out and said the unsayable. Speaking ahead of a vital, vital, vital home game against Arsenal, Hill has admitted that at 33, he stands more chance of getting a new contract if QPR go down than if they avoid relegation.

The all too honest defender said: "If we stay up I can see the club spending more money and getting in another five or six players," he told the Fulham Chronicle. "I would probably have a better chance of getting a contract if we go down. I've spent most of my career in the Championship - and know it like the back of my hand."

Ouch! Hill insists, "Everyone is desperate for the club to survive. We've worked so hard to get here and we're doing all we can to stay up" but you have to wonder if there is a disconnect somewhere along the line when securing a place in the Prem results in you losing your job.

Just how many QPR and West Ham players find themselves in this position? Should West Ham win promotion would there really be a place at the club, never mind in the team, for Demmel, Faye, Diop, O'Brien, McCartney and Carew or even Maynard, Collison & Taylor? The trouble is, when it comes to the crunch, when you have to go through the pain barrier, when you have to give that extra 10%, can you do it psychologically when there is a voice in your head whispering "Actually, mate, it suits you longer term if we don't win this game." Win bonuses are all very well, but they hardly compensate for unemployment and all the upheaval involved in moving to another club - if you can find one.

Then, at QPR, there's the opposite problem of release clauses.  Having came and seen and not conquered, Cisse and Zamora may have decided that, long term, they don't want to be at Rangers and that the best way out would be for them to go down - especially with West Ham possibly moving in the opposite direction and desperately in need of strikers! Ba is a terrible role model because he has benefited hugely from West Ham's relegation.

You have to wonder how much tapping up is going on already. Look at how Scott Parker went missing over the last six weeks of last season. He famously turned up with Jamie Redknapp at the Chelsea v Tottenham game when we were in Manchester for a crucial game and nobody was surprised when Spurs ended up as his final destination. There are noises already about Zamora wanting to move to West Ham and whilst he has denied it, we all know that he has to do that for the sake of appearances.

So both West Ham and QPR go into battles today with squads that may not really be up for a fight. Who would be a manager in this situation?

West Ham Fans Boycotting Reading Promotion Cup Final

I work with a Reading fan and he was taunting me today because we hadn't sold out for our biggest game of the season. Reading have sold all their ticket allocation and are bringing 3000 fans to Upton Park (chicken feed compared to our away support!) but, amazingly, the Official Site is promoting "Pay On The Day" for the game.

Now I have to be careful because of my pledge to back Allardyce until the Reading game is done and dusted - irrespective of team selection and tactics - but the fact that such a huge game is being boycotted by Hammers fans must tell us something surely; and given Sullivan & Gold are focused on financial returns, the something it tells us will surely give the owners pause for thought.

Allardyce was surprisingly conciliatory in his latest interview, given his belligerence earlier in the week, and the availability of tickets on the eve of such a crucial game probably tells us why. I'm still backing our manager but it seems others are withholding their support - literally.

Here's hoping for a full house and passionate and positive home support. Tomorrow's game is one of the biggest we have played in the forty plus years I have supported the club. Let's get behind Uncle Sam and his boys and cheer them on to a convincing victory!

Come On You Irons!

QPR face yet another Day of Reckoning

Wigan play Stoke at home, whilst Wolves entertain Bolton. There's a very real danger that two of QPR's relegation rivals could pick up maximum points at the weekend; and meanwhile the Hoops host bang in form Arsenal. It doesn't bode well for Sparky's boys does it?

Van Persie with boots to fill at QPR

The gRs are worrying about being short of fire power for the clash with Arsenal - with Cisse, Campbell and Helguson all ruled out - but the big problem is likely to be at the back. Look at the squad being prepared for a game against a rampant Arsenal team and you just think ouch. Perm any two from Gabbidon, Ferdinand and Nedum? Talk about Hobson's Choice! Taiwo at left back? Nice free kick in him but is he really good enough as a defender? Luke Young? Maybe a couple of seasons back, but now? Clint Hill? Go ahead and make Van Persie's day!

I warned in January that Hughes was prioritising the wrong department of the team. Nedum was never going to be the defensive leader that was so obviously needed and, as I type, Van Persie must be selecting his favourite boots to fill this weekend.

But QPR shocked Chelsea so who is to say that defeating the Gunners will definitely be beyond them? The minimum target from this game must be a point. The trouble is, having climbed above Tottenham in the table, Arsenal, with confidence surging, will have a point of their own to prove. This is a huge test but a test Rangers must pass if they are to survive.

Amnesty on Allardyce Ahead of Reading Game

Ok, Uncle Sam has extended the hand of friendship. He's not exactly launched a "Hug a Hammers Fan" campaign but he has stepped back from the approach, adopted after the Peterborough game, of trading punches with his critics . Let's take him at face value. Let's believe him when he says he wants to "excite and inspire". Let's trust him to get it right.

So, whatever the team selected for our Cup Final tomorrow, I will not criticise. Whatever the tactics adopted in the first half, I will not voice concerns. Uncle Sam knows best and in his judgement I will trust. Until the final whistle blows on Saturday, I will give him 100% support and I urge every other Hammer to join with me. He isn't Doctor Evil, he isn't the Devil incarnate, he isn't Sam Pot. He is Big Sam, Uncle Sam, Sam the Man!

In Sam we trust and under Sam we will be victorious! Get behind our leader! Join Sam's Claret & Blue Army and we will prevail!

Come On You Irons!

Allardyce Uses Mail To Launch Smarm Offensive

The PR boys have had a word with Doctor Evil ahead of the crunch game with Reading. Somebody has said, "Southampton have pulled clear and you need the fans behind you on Saturday so tone down the belligerence" and Allardyce has done his best to comply.

Suddenly instead of long ball, we are swanning around on the pitch according to Allardyce. Some of us might find it a wee bit galling to be aspiring to be "the next Swansea City" but that is our new yard stick apparently. Before you know it, Sam will be telling us that sisters in Newham are every bit as attractive as female siblings in Norwich!

So dear old Uncle Sam now wants to "inspire and create"! Now there's an oxymoron! Expect a brick shit house with a pink door and bidet!

Suddenly dear old Uncle Sam is a "creative person" whose brain "doesn't think boring logistics". So the written instructions given to players before kick off will now be consigned to the bin: "Kick off. Pass back to Faye. Knock it long. Carlton chase. Win ball back. Knock it long. Carlton chase. Win ball. Knock it long, Carlton drop deep, Nolan chase. Win ball back. Pass back to Green (for variety). Knock it long. Carlton chase."

And suddenly the "Match Stats" feature will not form part of the debrief - "We may have drawn the game 1-1 but we got the ball into their box 63 times. Moral victory. Have to be pleased with that lads. But Baldock and Maynard, you're useless cnuts."

Most amusing of all is the way Allardyce backs up his "We play like Swansea" claim - he remembers three and a half games when we have played well all season - and forgets our double over Blackpool! Three and half games playing like Swansea City guys - we have to be pleased with that!

But Uncle Sam knows what we expect at West Ham and is determined to "fulfil people's dreams". And we all know what happens to our bubbled dreams don't we? Third place here we come then!

Top Detective called in to Investigate West Ham Till I Die

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Savage Backtracks On West Ham Promotion And Tips Southampton & Reading

Roll the clock back a few weeks and Savage was bloody rude to a West Ham fan who rang up 606 complaining about Allardyce's tactics. According to Savage, the guy didn't know what he was talking about. West Ham were in second place in the table and Savage demanded to know if the poor sod on the phone would be unhappy with getting promoted to the Prem. The fan tried to explain that we wouldn't get promoted if we kept playing poorly, but Savage would have none of it.

Well now he has backtracked amazingly. Suddenly, the boot is on the other foot and the Welsh Windbag is predicting that we will miss out on promotion. What a difference a few weeks makes! Perhaps Savage should step down from 606 and hand his salary over to the Hammer who he sought to humiliate on the airwaves.

Of course Savage sticks up for Sam and calls the negative reaction of the fans to his tactics "nonsense". According to Robbie, "Sam" is "doing a great job" even though he thinks we will "blow it" and miss out on promotion. He talks about our third place in the table as if this is something we should be pleased about, completely overlooking the fact that we have the highest wage bill in the division.

Savage goes on to rubbish the idea that West Ham played the beautiful game before Allardyce arrived and again misses the point totally. It's true that we were not able to play like Arsenal or Barcelona, but there is a middle ground between total football and total shite!

I quite like Savage but he is way off beam here. And for the record, I fancy us to finish above Reading so call him wrong there too!

West Ham Till I Die Rising From The Grave?

So it seems that the corpse has been reanimated. Dale's monster may yet walk again. A Twatter message from the Tory Claret & Blue Talking Head suggests the site could go live again in the next 24 hours.

Allardyce must be relieved with all the stick coming his way at the moment. Iain can be relied upon to sing from the right hymn sheet because he knows which side his prawn sandwiches are buttered on, doesn't he?

Meanwhile, I still await an apology for the abusive message left last week.

Crawley & Bradford Serve Up New Fusion Sport

There will be much tut tutting and shaking of heads. The words "Disgraceful behaviour" will be muttered. The game has been brought into disrepute. An appalling example has been set. There's no place for that in football blah, blah, blah.

But there's already more You Tube hits for the mass brawl than there were fans at the game, and as word spreads it is guaranteed that the hits will exceed the clubs' combined home gates. In fact, if it goes viral, both clubs could develop fan bases around the world. How long before we see Bradford City shirts on the terraces of games in Argentina, Chile and Brazil?

What a great marketing move this could prove to be. And for all the outrage, we all love a good punch up on a football pitch - and this was a real punch up, not the usual handbags at ten paces affair. I defy you not to laugh as you watch the clip of the keeper lashing out - with a proper punch - before three or four set on him. Magical!

Watch and tut to your heart's content!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=382qiuNfQ2A

Allardyce Cracking Under The Strain Ahead Of Reading Showdown!

Allardyce is cracking. The guy is off his trolley. The fans clearly got to him last night and his ego is bruised. Big time.

I fired off a volley last night as soon as I read his criticism of the fans but, unless the interview I read was heavily edited, he has built upon yesterday's comments, widening the divide between himself and those who pay to see the team play.

Just listen to him! According to Allardyce we should be "harmonious" because we have only "lost three at home all season". Well excuse us. Southampton have only lost twice at home all season and have drawn just three times. Saints fans have enjoyed FIFTEEN home victories whilst West Ham season ticket holders have witnessed just NINE. Southampton fans have celebrated FORTY TWO home goals, West Ham fans just TWENTY EIGHT!  

He complains: "The pressure is on us like it is every week. We have more pressure on us than anyone else, but we have to live with that and deliver, and today we did. Let's hope we do on Saturday."

So why is the pressure on us more than anybody else exactly? The Southampton and Reading players aren't under pressure then? Promotion doesn't matter to them perhaps? Allardyce seems to think we are the biggest team in the division. Cobblers. Leeds have won titles and been in a Champions League final. They are a bigger club by far. Leicester were the pre season favourites to win the division. Southampton are top, and have been for most of the season, and everybody wants to beat the team at the top.

He goes on: "I looked at the facts, and the facts are that at Burnley we've out-played them, out-passed them, away from home, and all the other six teams recently we've done exactly the same, that we've drawn against."

The facts are:

1. We had to come from behind against Burnley and Leeds. At no point in either game were we in control of the match.
2. We only drew against Middlesbrough courtesy of an incredibly lucky goal.
3. Doncaster - bottom of the table - finished as the stronger team at Upton Park in a shameful 1-1 home draw.
4. We had to come from behind at home to Watford and only salvaged a point with a goal three minutes from the end.
5. We were played off the park in the first half against Palace.

Those are the facts but Allardyce claims: "The only team we didn't outplay was Southampton with 10 men recently, and that's probably eight games ago."

Well that's ten games ago actually but who is counting? But what Allardyce doesn't seem to grasp is that we have only played one decent team in that run of games. Leeds shipped seven goals in their next home game after we struggled to score one. Watford and Doncaster are crap. Cardiff were punch drunk after the penalty shoot out defeat against Liverpool (It took us six months to recover from ours!). Burnley were without their leading scorer. Middlesbrough had lost their previous game 3-0. Palace are mid table. Peterborough are seventh from bottom and have now lost 8 home games. We SHOULD be outplaying these teams. And we should be BEATING them! COMFORTABLY.

He goes on: "It didn't start off from there though [the media] - it started off from other managers many years ago, because they got jealous because I kept beating them."

You what? He sounds like a spoilt brat complaining about being bullied. Is he seriously asking us to believe that he tried to beat Arsenal at Wenger's game?  What an arse.

But he's not finished! He boasts: "It's there and I just have to carry on, I don't let it affect me personally, I just know what's good for the players at West Ham, I know what's good for West Ham as a football club, and I know how to win football matches."

No you don't you pompous, arrogant twat. You know how to NOT LOSE games. If you knew how to WIN games we would be top of the table and as good as promoted. If you know how to win games, why didn't we beat Palace, Doncaster, Watford, Middlesbrough, Leeds and Burnley? If we'd lost two of those and won four, we would have netted 12 points instead of the Allardyce return of 6. That's a fact, a damning fact, the most damning fact of all!

He has the cheek to moan, "I'm sick of all that rubbish"! He's sick of it? He should try paying to watch it, then he might have a better understanding of why the fans are so hacked off!

Allardyce Criticises West Ham's Travelling Fans!

What a credit to the club! West Ham fans made up approximately 50% of the crowd at Peterborough and made their feelings clear about Allardyce's appalling tactics. And boy did they get his goat!

A clearly irritated Allardyce hit back after the game, going into yet another round of cringing self justification. Instead of trumpeting a vital win and talking about carrying the confidence gained from this victory into the crucial Reading game, Allardyce was on the defensive - there's a surprise! - and dared to criticise the fans who, yet again, had offered such fantastic support. It seems the chant, "We are West Ham, we play on the ground" was a little too pointed for Mr Long Ball.

Just listen to the obnoxious oaf!

Allardyce said: "The perception of some people is deluded as the facts about my teams clearly speak for themselves. It is a tag that has followed me around for a long time and one I'm never going to be able to shift. I can't do anything about that but I can win football matches."

"We have had to overcome home teams playing with a lot of energy in front of full houses throughout this season. We did it again here and once we got the goals, we out-passed and outplayed Peterborough. It was a good performance, although not as good as at Burnley on Saturday. We only drew that game though so everyone was miserable whereas they will be happy tonight."

Let's just address a few of those points. Yes you can win games Sam - 40% of them across your career. Not a brilliant record is it? Yes the opposition play with energy but that's not the same as skill is it? They play with the same energy against Southampton but Southampton outplay them don't they? And if we played better at Burnley, what does that say about tonight's performance exactly?

And one last point, these "deluded" people are fans of the club, fans raised on the traditions of the club, fans proud of the club and proud of the club's heritage, fans who PAY to follow the club rather than get paid to work for the club, fans who will be supporting the club long after you have gone Mr Allardyce. And if you don't like those fans and don't respect their opinion and hold their football knowledge in contempt, there's a very simple solution - Fcuk off back to Bolton!

Allardyce Delighted With Clean Sheet Ahead Of Reading Game

Speaking after the victory at Peterborough, Doctor Evil said:

"A clean sheet, the first of my targeted eight, and you have to be pleased with that. We were disappointed with the two goals we shipped at Burnley so we have been working hard on the training pitch this week to put that right and we got our reward tonight."

"People may point to Peterborough hitting the bar in the tenth minute but that's why the bar is there. If you don't get the ball under it you don't score. The same with the clearance off the line. That's why you have defenders. The fact is, and you can't get away from this one, Peterborough didn't score."

"I was pleased with our first half performance, we kept it tight and restricted Peterborough to just a handful of chances and you have to be pleased with that. Second half we were even better. Green made one good save, but that's why you have a keeper, and apart from that Peterborough didn't have a sniff even though we lost Faye at half time. You have to be delighted with that, especially given we scored twice ourselves."

"And Peterborough are tough opponents and difficult to beat on their own ground. I think you'll find only seven other teams have won here this season so to be the eighth is very pleasing, very pleasing indeed. I think it proves our quality to be just one of only eight teams to leave here with three points. And of those teams, only three apart from ourselves, have kept clean sheets. So you have to be very pleased with that."

"Now it's on to the Reading game and the lads have the confidence of one clean sheet behind them. The priority is to stop Reading scoring at the weekend too, because if they don't score, they can't win, and if they don't win, they can't widen the gap between us. Then if we pinch a winner, we leapfrog over them. It's very straightforward really. And if the gap doesn't widen and they lose at Southampton and Birmingham and we keep clean sheets in our remaining six games, we will be there or there abouts at the end of the season. And you have to be pleased with that!"

Peterborough 0 West Ham 2 - Back in the Groove!

After a dire first half, that we were lucky to finish on level terms, we completely dominated the second 45 and could have scored five.

Why the turn around? Allardyce made two substitutions at half time but Collins for Faye and Faubert for O'Brien are not the sort of changes that alter games offensively. Faye had smashed heads just before the break and hopefully it's nothing serious because we will need him against Reading. Bringing on Faubert may have been tactical but it was not the positive statement that many of us were hoping for. Maynard did come on eventually - to be allowed a few minutes to further diminish his goals per game ratio.

Vaz Te had a blinder apparently. He scored the vital opening goal from a cross from Nolan and was a real thorn in the side of Peterborough in the second half. Our possession share in the second half was not far shy of 70% and it isn't often that we have dominated a Ferguson managed team to that extent!

A huge well done to Gary O'Neil too for a brilliant goal - his come back from injury has been heartening. I'm still not convinced about him as a player but he is a trier and that goal suggests he has a bit more quality that many of us imagine.

Interestingly Collison and Lansbury were nowhere to be seen tonight - not even on the bench. So thank God Green didn't collect a red card or get sent off. Will Allardyce take that chance on Saturday?

It all hinges on the Reading game now. Can we get Di Canio in by then to give the team the confidence to play the Royals off the park?

H.T. Posh 0 West Ham 0 - Someone Tell Allardyce we HAVE TO WIN!

Surprise number one. We set up 4-5-1. Surprise number two. Peterborough had the better of the first half. Surprise number three, with Cole as the lone striker we haven't looked like scoring. Surprise number four, the score is 0-0 at half time.

This is a game we HAVE TO WIN. This is a game against a team in the BOTTOM SEVEN of the CHAMPIONSHIP! This is a match we should be winning comfortably if we are serious about returning to the Premiership. This is a game we should be set up to WIN, not to contain.

But Peterborough have hit the bar and Peterborough have had a penalty claim turned down and Peterborough have missed an open goal and Peterborough have had a shot cleared off the line and Peterborough finished the half pressing and Peterborough have had more shots on goal and Peterborough have had more shots on target and Peterborough have shaded the possession.

Another pathetic 45 minutes of clueless Allardyce football!

Allardyce STILL Talking About Clean Sheets!

Dear God. All Allardyce wants between now and the end of the season is "eight clean sheets"! THAT will secure us promotion apparently; like that is likely!

How about score three in each of our last eight games and we will be promoted? How about outscore our opponents in our last eight games and we will be promoted? How about score twice in each game and we will win a lot more than we lose or draw?

No, for Allardyce it comes down to clean sheets. Heaven help us, I bet the guy has wet dreams thinking about goalless draws! No hang on, he wouldn't have clean sheets then would he?

Liverpool's Dalglish's Latest Pathetic Excuse

So Liverpool lost to Wigan because the players were tired apparently. Interesting. Thus far eight outfield players have made more than 30 appearances this season, but included in this overworked eight are Carroll, Henderson and Charlie Adam who certainly have not completed all 90 minutes in each of those games. Suarez, courtesy of his suspension, had a mid season break and only has 31 appearances to his name, and Gerrard has only appeared 23 times. Exhausting.

Let's assume Liverpool make it to the FA Cup final, the maximum number of games any player will feature in is 48. Now that is absurd! How can a top athlete be expected to feature in that many games over a 10 month season? No wonder the poor sods are tired.

The trouble is, back in 1984-85, a certain Kenny Dalglish played in 53 games, and he had an easy season because John Wark featured 62 times and Phil Neal 64. Roll the clock back to 83-84 and Hansen, Alan Kennedy and Mini Me Sammy Lee all featured in 67 games! So that's almost 50% as many games as Kenny's 2012 vintage of overworked darlings!

OK the game has changed. But so have the pitches and the fitness and dietary regimes. Exhausted? Has Dalglish seen how many games are played by tennis professionals?

In truth it is just the latest pathetic excuse from Dalglish. The last two results are down to poor management. Having spent £135m, Dalglish should not need excuses after back to back games against QPR and Wigan Athletic!

Meanwhile, in view of recent results - just five home wins all season - Dalglish is considering taking down the "This is Anfield" sign designed to warn opponents and bolster home players just before they run out on to the pitch. The problem was highlighted on Saturday when Maloney turned to Caldwell as they went down the once intimidating steps and said, "Thank God for that, I thought for a moment it was Old Trafford or the Etihad!"

Hoping for 4-4-2 against Peterborough? No chance!

Just for a moment I was hopeful. After the fight back at Burnley, surely even Allardyce would get the message, especially given Posh's annoying habit of scoring goals, meaning you are likely to need at least two to beat them. Invite them on and you will concede. Attack them and you will score. The conclusion you should draw from that is simple enough isn't it?

But now comes the news that Vaz Te and Faubert could be back for tomorrow's game. So that's that then. Faubert on the right, Cole down the middle and Vaz Te on the left - Allardyce's preferred "FRONT THREE". Cole can't score, Faubert can't score and Vaz Te isn't prolific, but what the hell?

Expect another night of frustration. No matter what the evidence, this man Allardyce is not for turning!

QPR could be relegated by the Muamba Factor

It never rains but it pours in the Bush. Losing to Sunderland was bad enough. Having Cisse sent off made things worse. Wigan winning at Anfield dug the grave deeper still. But most worrying of all was the fighting spirit of Bolton.

gRs with any sense would have been praying for a draw or a Blackburn win on Saturday, keeping Bolton very much in play. So Bolton's victory was bad news of itself, but much more worrying was the wonderful show of unity of fans, players and manager. Suddenly, all the bitching stopped, Owen Coyle was adored for the way he has conducted himself through the Muamba affair and the players and the fans were united into a cohesive unit.

The atmosphere in the stadium was what you might expect when a team is pressing for the title, not desperately fighting against relegation. Muamba's illness has put "stress" into context for the Bolton players and relegation into context for their fans. The fact that a player literally laid down his life for the club has shown everybody that the players care, care more than they are sometimes given credit for.

How easy will it be for Coyle from now until the end of the season. He only needs to say, "Let's do it for Fabrice" and "We owe it to Fabrice" to get the players running through walls for the club. I can't see Bolton going down now and so, unless Villa collapse to defeat in every remaining game, I reckon it is three from four, or two from three if you count Wolves as dead and buried. The odds aren't great are they?

Watching Newcastle, Like Watching Pardew's West Ham!

Was I alone when, as I watched Newcastle breaking at pace against West Brom, I remembered back to Pardew's West Ham and, in particular, that epic 3-2 victory at Highbury, the game that triggered a Sol Campbell break down? To be fair, Etherington and Reo-Coker combined weren't on a par(dew) with Hatem Ben Arta, albeit Yossi was a bit tasty, but the style was exactly the same.

When Zola left, I called for Pardew. What a shame we passed on the opportunity to let him see to, in his words, "unfinished business" at Upton Park! I tell you what, had we signed him, Lambert would be a West Ham player now and so would Lallana. People forget Pardew built this Southampton team when in the old Third Division! Oh and he had the gumption to show Nolan the door!

In the Eye of the Perfect Storm!

Over on the Org, a poster has whipped up a storm by saying that he wants the club to lose every game between now and the end of the season if it will secure the sacking of Allardyce, and whilst I couldn't ever want us to lose, I know where he is coming from.

This weekend may well go down as one of the blackest in the history of the club. True we fought back to draw the game, but the team selection, tactics and performance in the first half said everything that needs to be said about Allardyce. And the second half showed even more because it illustrated perfectly what I and others have been saying for ages, that our struggles are down to the caution and negativity of the manager. Go for it in this division and the opposition fold. But going for it isn't a concept Allardyce understands.

Meanwhile, Reading and Southampton continued on their merry ways, attacking the opposition and taking them apart. Contrast Southampton's performance when a goal ahead against Doncaster with ours. One wasn't enough for the Saints was it? And were they ever troubled, was the result ever any doubt? Look at the happy fans in the New Dell and the Madjeski, and compare the smiles of their fans with the furrowed brows of ours. THERE is the perfect example of how the players inspire the fans! You give the fans something to cheer about!

And as we slip further behind in the promotion race, Sullivan and Gold submit the new bid to turn us from owner occupiers of a heritage home into tenants in a soulless bowl. And if we miss out on promotion this season and miss out again next, tell me, what's it going to be like watching Championship football through binoculars in the Olympic Stadium?

The club my father raised me to support and that I raised my son to support is dying before our very eyes. The "football" that Allardyce insists upon is alien to everything our club stands for and soon the stadium will be alien too. In time, the real fans, the Lyall and Greenwood generation, will die out, leaving behind the "Green Street" inspired morons. And, of course Sullivan and Gold, will go to the great Dildo Land in the sky too, sooner rather than later in all probability. And what will remain then? I shudder to think. But without a stadium to call our own, what's to stop somebody simply closing down "the franchise" or moving it to Milton Keynes?

Was this the real Iain Dale, the urbane Sky Talking Head?

So, concerned for the fate of WesthamtillIdie and all the fans of the Claret and Blue Tory boy's ramblings, I ran a post yesterday based on information left on this site, offering to act as an intermediary between Dale and a rogue who claimed to have acquired the domain address. Before doing so, I tried to access Dale's site and found myself referred to a site selling domain names, which seemed to verify the claim of the anonymous poster. 

Now, according to Iain the claim was untrue. Fair enough, all that was needed was an email to that effect, or a posted comment. Instead, the Sky Talking Head, or somebody using Iain's ID which links to his blogs, became utterly abusive. I carry the comment below:

"You really are a sad little fcuk*, aren't you? As well as a liar.

Seeing as my domain doesn't expire till 2014 it would be a bit difficult for someone else to get it. A cursory check would have told you that.

So continue w*nking* yourself crazy whilst imagining something you'd like to happen.

Truth is that for the second time Fasthosts took the site down without warning because of the traffic levels. Traffic levels you could only dream of.

A new site will be up on a dedicated server very shortly.

But then you've never been interested in facts, have you?"

* "Dale" spelt the words in the conventional way but I would not carry that on here because children might access the site, as indeed they may see the posted comment.

Now it might come as a surprise to Iain Dale but the thought of engaging in self pleasure over him has never once entered my head. That's really not MY fantasy sir! You do wonder how the editors of Sky News might react if they knew that their Tory Talking Head was leaving this sort of personal abuse on a public blog, don't you?

Of course, this may not be the real Iain Dale, in which case I apologise and use this post to serve warning that somebody has stolen his identity in the most appalling way. I will gladly carry Iain's response if that is the case, as I have now carried his apparent correction to my post yesterday. We West Ham fans and bloggers do need to stick together in these difficult times of Allardyce leadership and Condemn government after all. Unless we earn in excess of £150,000 a year of course!

If it is the real Iain Dale who left this comment, however, I really am concerned that he may be suffering from stress and might explode in this way when live on television. This is a man who has sought to win nomination for public office remember. This is a man who pontificates on moral issues on the television remember. This is a man who bans contributors from his site for cyber abuse remember. So if this WAS the real Iain Dale, this is a hypocrite of epic proportions. And who would believe that of  a "We are all in this together" Tory?

Anyway, this may not have been the real Dale so the ball is now in Iain's court. Please make contact with this "sad little fcuk" and let me know if this is the case. If it wasn't you Iain, I apologise but you need to know that somebody has stolen your online ID. If it was, and the rant was alcohol induced, I will accept an apology. Otherwise, who knows who might get to hear about this and how they might respond to the vitriolic and abusive comment. The Sky might be the limit!

Liverpool To Take Down Famous Anfield Sign

In view of recent results - just five home wins all season - Dalglish is considering taking down the "This is Anfield" sign designed to warn opponents and bolster home players just before they run out on to the pitch. The problem was highlighted yesterday when Maloney turned to Caldwell as they went down the once intimidating steps and said, "Thank God for that, I thought for a moment it was Old Trafford or the Etihad!"

Shearer's Analysis of McClean Against QPR Highlights Our Problems

Interesting to watch Sunderland's young Irish left winger McClean on MOTD tonight and to hear Shearer's comments about him. According to Shearer, McClean makes it "so easy" for his forwards because they can "make and time their runs knowing the cross will come in for them".

All those quick to criticise Cole might like to consider the contrast between the service Bendtner enjoyed today with the rubbish that Cole has to try to feed upon. McClean and Sunderland showed how simple the game can be if you do the basics right. Park somebody on the left with a strong left foot and a bit of pace, tell him to attack the full back and whip in crosses, and what can the opposing team do? Have somebody else on the right doing the same thing and you stretch the opposition across the width of the pitch.

It's so so easy. Just watch Reading with McAnuff and Kebe!

Police On Alert After Joey Barton Headline

Really, these journalists should be a little bit more careful when writing their headlines. Given his record, the last thing they should be writing about poor Joey is "QPR boss explains Barton axe". I haven't read the article but I'm assuming that it wasn't found in the back of one of the club's apprentices!

But then again...

QPR can do it - 10 points will be enough to survive!

The poor old gRs are probably feeling a little wounded at the moment. After the epic 13 minute master class against the mighty Liverpool, hope and defiance were coursing through the veins and there was a distinct tingling in the Bush. The dead parrot squawked and after all those depressing performances and results, suddenly hope burnt eternal. Well for two and a half days anyway!

Of course there was always a risk of defeat at Sunderland and of Bolton doing it for Fabrice Muamba against Blackburn, but who could have imagined that a Liverpool team that outplayed QPR for 77 minutes would lose at home next game up against bottom of the table Wigan? I mean that couldn't happen, could it? Liverpool, lose at ANFIELD against Wigan? Impossible.

And after his heroics on Wednesday, who could guess that Cisse would pick up his second red card in his short QPR career and book another 4 games off suspended in the process? The gods really do seem to have it in for poor old Rangers.

But all is not lost. Taarabt has to score eventually. SWP is an England player. Nedum can't make terrible mistakes EVERY game he plays. Ferdinand will surely maintain concentration for 90 minutes sooner or later. Zammo will score too, surely. Barton will return too with desire in his heart won't he? This QPR team is too good to go down isn't it? Come on guys, pick your chins up, remember what you have been telling me all season! Relegation? No chance! Ten points will be enough and there's ten points to be won!

Arsenal and Spurs at home? That's two potential points. Stoke at home is another possible three. As is Swansea at home. That means just two more points. Man City will have nothing to play for come the last game and a point there and at the Hawthorns will do it. That's just two wins and that could well be enough!

So it's time to find a backbone. It's time to believe. It's time to keep the faith. The road map is there and in Mark Hughes, QPR have a top notch manager. QPR can do it! Bring on Arsenal!

Allardyce Delighted With His Brilliant Tactical Changes To Secure Point

Speaking after the final whistle, Doctor Evil told reporters.

"You have to be pleased with the fightback and a point. We were desperately unlucky to be behind at half time. Kevin had a goal disallowed and nobody knows why exactly and Cole hit the post when it was easier to score. But we changed it at half time anyway."

"The defence let me down in the first half if I'm being honest with you. You can't concede goals like that and expect to win a game. But we were without Faye and that was a huge loss. And we didn't have Diop or Demmel either. The game plan was to keep it tight first half and nick a goal second. And if we had done that, we would have all been happy and gone home with three points from a difficult game against a team in the top half of the table."

"You saw the difference in the second half. That was all down to me and my team talk at half time and the way I changed things around at the break. I have the stats & I know more than anybody else like I said in my article in the Evening Standard on Friday. I told the players they were letting me down. I told them I should be in charge of Barcelona or Real Madrid. I told them them that I was the real Special One and that if they couldn't play for me, they couldn't play for anyone."

"If I'm honest with you, I told them a few home truths in there at half time and you saw how they responded. They went out there and played for me. I pulled off Cole and Taylor and sent on Baldock and Maynard. People who don't understand anything claim I am negative in the way I set the team up but I play three up top like I said in the Standard. Today I had Cole, Taylor and one other up top in the first half and in the second it was Baldock, Maynard and one other, until I brought on Carew for Collison. Then it was Carew, Maynard and Baldock. But what good did that do? The forwards here are rubbish. The forwards are letting me down every game and I'm beginning to lose my patience with them because they are turning certain victories into draws virtually every game. That's costing me points. If we're not careful it could cost me promotion. And if that happens it will cost me a million pounds and it may lose me my job."

"But you all saw how brilliant I am in that second half fight back. No other manager would have turned that situation around. I told the team to go for it second half and look what happened. We won the second forty five 2-0."

"The big question you have to ask the players is why they needed to go two goals down and hear my half time talk before they started to play. The players have a lot to answer for to be honest. I had a plan and they didn't stick to it. One goal should have been enough to win the game and instead we needed two to draw it. That's not acceptable. I didn't get where I am today by scoring two goals in a game to get a draw. So we will be putting in work on the training field to sort us out defensively before we go to Peterborough."

Half Time: Barcelona Burnley 2 West Ham Wanderers 0

Disgraceful, absolutely disgraceful. Burnley are without leading scorer Jay Rodrigues but are still two goals ahead. But are we surprised? Tell me, with the team Allardyce picked, how were we going to create openings and score goals? Collison & O'Neil in midfield with Noble, Taylor and Nolan? Really?

But poor Sam hasn't got Vaz Te! And he hasn't got Faubert! Do me a bloody favour! He picked another negative team and he is getting exactly what he deserves. But the arrogant arse can't see it. We beat Leeds 7-3 on Wednesday remember according to Doctor Evil, having run them into the ground on Saturday! And we've hit the post and had a goal disallowed!

But this is Burnley!

No Faye, and the defending is "abysmal" so that Allardyce "revolution" is being exposed as another myth!

What do we do from here? Get on Baldock and Maynard and throw caution to the bloody wind! And make contact with Di Canio and invite him for an interview on Monday!

Allardyce Goes Even More Defensive!

Who can blame him? We are playing the might of Burnley after all. You know the team that Grant's West Ham smashed five goals past last season! But this is a new Burnley, this is a terrifying Burnley, this is Barcelona Burnley. For Messi, read Stanislas!

So out goes Maynard - he can't play wide right after all - and in comes er Collison. And with Faye injured, in comes O'Neil with Tomkins dropping into the back four.

So we have a team bristling with attacking intent - bristling like Duncan Goodhew's scalp! No Morrison. All the attacking options on the bench. & Carew. I despair!

Team

Green

O'Brien, Tomkins, Collins, McCartney

Collison, O'Neil, Noble, Taylor

Nolan

Cole

Subs: Baldock, Maynard, Carew, Lansbury, Potts

For QPR's Barton, Read West Ham's Nolan

Look what happened on Wednesday when Barton was withdrawn from the action. Suddenly QPR had eleven players on the pitch instead of ten. Suddenly everybody in Hoops was giving his all. Suddenly all eleven Rs players were trying to pass to each other instead of giving the ball away to the opposition. But how long did it take Mark Hughes to get the message? The last thirteen minutes should have given him food for thought.

The trouble is, Barton is the captain and, when playing well, is easily worth a place in this QPR team - providing he is used in central midfield. It's a tricky dilemma. If Barton starts today, I wouldn't be surprised to see him score - especially as the crowd will be giving him the bird as an ex Newcastle player.

For Barton, read Nolan at West Ham. Everybody except Allardyce now accepts that Captain Kev is a part of the problem. Play him and we can't play 4-4-2. Include him and you are left either with a little man as the lone striker or the goal shy Cole up front on his own. Just as QPR came to life on Wednesday when Barton was withdrawn, so we looked much more effective as a creative unit when Nolan was suspended. But if he starts today, would anybody bet against Nolan scoring? And does anybody genuinely believe that Allardyce won't start him?

Might be an interesting double - Barton and Nolan both to score the first goal!

Has West Ham Till I Die Lost Its Domain Address? Anyone Want to Buy It?

Oh dear, talk about a cock up! Dale was so busy on Sky that he apparently forgot to renew his domain name subscription and one of the anonymice on here has seemingly acquired it. Or that is the claim anyway.

The offer price is apparently £1,000 but that sounds too cheap to me! Dale is a Tory boy and a regular on Sky these days. He can go a lot higher than a grand!

Meanwhile, the fans of the site are wandering aimlessly through cyberspace, desperately trying to track down the site. If the new owner of the domain would like to leave his details with me via my email, I will gladly act as broker, facilitating negotiation to secure a happy reconciliation for all concerned without exposing him to the risk of Dale sending round the boys!

West Ham Till I Die?  More like West Ham Till I Lose the Domain Name apparently!

Green Collects Another Red Card!

It's ok, it was only on Saturday Kitchen, with England's 666 proving he has been learning from Doctor Evil by cheating in a Sports Relief competition to cook an omelette. Never mind, he reached the final against Glen Johnson, and Rob's ability with a frying pan is sure to have impressed Fat Sam and will go a long way to securing him an improved contract offer!

Liverpool's Dalglish Doesn't Get It Even After QPR Defeat!

So King Kenny thinks the Premiership doesn't matter. What counts, he claims, is cups. That's why £135m has been spent in the transfer market, to bring back to Anfield the League Cup - a trophy won last season by the mighty Birmingham City - and possibly the FA Cup - although Chelsea might have something to say about that even as they chase a Champions League semifinal place this season and a berth in next season's competition. Meanwhile Arsenal will finish the season without a trophy but look increasingly likely to be sitting again at the top table of Europe next season, whilst Liverpool eat in European football's equivalent of Macdonalds, the Europa League.

But where's the harm in that? The Europa League is easier to win than the Champions League so, following Dalglish's logic that it is winning pots that counts, Chelsea, Arsenal and Spurs should be battling to finish out of the top four at the moment, with the dream of Europa League qualification guaranteed by finishing in fifth!

The defeat at QPR said it all. Kenny shook his head after the game and told the world that it was a mystery how Liverpool had lost the game. They were the better team. They dominated most of the match. They played the better football. They created the better chances. The trouble is, they scored twice and QPR, who had previously only beaten 9 man Chelsea and bottom of the table Wigan at home, scored three. What a bugger Kenny!

The Liverpool defending on Wednesday was embarrassing and the mental fragility displayed terrifying. Last season, even Grant led West Ham managed to turn over Liverpool at Upton Park as Dalglish's Northern Softies revealed their tendency to fall apart when travelling south of the Watford Gap! But three goals in thirteen minutes? Against QPR? This took rolling over and dying to a new level of humiliation.

Kenny however is busy polishing his Carling Cup confused by the foul smelling yellow fluid that keeps appearing inside it after the club's former greats pay a visit to the Anfield trophy room. Liverpool host the mighty Wigan today and, amazingly, the football world would not be stunned if the game ended up as a 1-1 draw; that's how far the Reds have fallen!

Like Allardyce, Dalglish keeps insisting that the results do not reflect performances but like Allardyce, Dalglish has built a side that cannot turn "domination" into goals. The Scousers are still defending King Kenny so Henry can't sack him yet but with the Scot claiming he needs another £50m to turn the club into a major force again, big questions will surely be asked in the Boardroom soon. Maybe, just maybe, a sideways move will be engineered in the summer, or the King will be encouraged to abdicate, walking off into the sunset with his precious League Cup tucked under his arm.

You are all wrong says Allardyce! Sack him, Bring in Di Canio!

What a contemptible arrogant you know what! Read his article in The Standard and gasp!

Listen to the arrogance of the man! Why did Leeds ship seven against Nottingham Forest after we struggled to a 1-1 draw against them? Easy! "Leeds played so hard against us that, in their next game against Nottingham Forest, the tank was empty." So Forest didn't beat them WE did! Fcuk me, no wonder we only drew against Miserableboro, we were still up in Yorkshire smashing seven goals past Warnock's charges!


Not that we played badly against Boro! Oh no! Allardyce tells us, "the perception on Tuesday night was that we didn’t play well — in reality, we did. We did everything other than finish with a scoreline better than Middlesbrough’s." Well bugger me! We were all wrong then! Sam knows best! We scored the luckiest goal you will ever see - apart perhaps from the Piquionne goal against Coventry - and only came away with a 1-1 draw because of a goal line clearance in the final minute, but it was a good performance apparently! In fact, all of us idiots who THOUGHT we saw the ball being lumped forward just imagined it apparently. Sam tells us, "Against Middlesbrough the other night, we were accused of lumping the ball up. We didn’t, we comfortably out-passed them but once again, the long ball thing was brought up. It annoys me but I can’t let it get me down." No Sam, don't let it get you down mate, you are Sam Pot! You are our beloved leader! You have the stats!

And, just like in Animal Farm when Squealer reveals to the hungry animals that their food rations have in fact increased, Sam Pot knows the truth! Twenty goals scored from the last 17 games? Cobblers! Look at the number of times we have got the ball into the opposition box, that's what matters! Don't believe me? Then listen to our Most Beloved Leader! "None of the teams who we’ve played recently have played better than us. Not Crystal Palace, not Watford, not Doncaster, not Leeds and not Middlesbrough. What we have failed to do is deliver the final product." Now if that read "Not Arsenal, not Spurs, not Man City, not Liverpool and not Man Utd" I might swallow it. But to BOAST that we have not been outplayed by Palace, Donny and Watford...God give me bloody strength!

What an arrogant tosser he is. When he was first appointed I anointed him Sam Pot and warned he would take West Ham back to Year Zero, and reading his rant in The Evening Standard today there's all the self glorification, pomposity and infantile paranoia of a mad dictator. Just listen to him!

"As I’m often saying, I don’t live in the world of perception, I inhabit the world of reality...No one has more knowledge and data at this football club than me. That’s fact. It’s not arrogance but it is self-confidence and there is an important difference...I’m always learning, I never stop learning and that’s why I am confident. If I was arrogant I would be out of work now because I would have stopped listening in the misapprehension that I was already great.This approach can be misconstrued as self-praise yet when a foreign coach comes here and says he is the ‘Special One’, the reaction is very different."

Would you play for this arrogant, self congratulatory dolt? Would you respect him? How dare he compare himself to Mourinho? Jose has a win percentage of 70% over his career, Allardyce's record stands at 40%! Mourinho has six titles to his name, two Champions League titles, and a clutch of domestic cups; Allardyce has won a League of Ireland title! To be honest, he sounds like Gadaffi and Saddam in their final days. Before you know it, he will be telling everybody how much the people of Newham and Essex love him and setting West Ham up for the Mother of All Battles! What an arse!

But it gets worse! He goes on to explain: "We had a young chap in recently to talk to the players. He was a soldier in Afghanistan and lost the use of his arm after being shot. He emphasised that, if they don’t get their basics right out there, they could be dead." You what? Presumably the war hero in question was referring to his comrades, but Allardyce, in his twisted way, makes it sound like he is talking about the players, as if there are snipers up in the stands about to pick off Captain Nolan, Corporal Noble and Private Matty Taylor. The contemptible bastard doesn't even remember the name of the "young chap". Why should he? He was only there to do a job for Allardyce, not to be remembered by name! What a disrespectful arse.

I haven't called for Allardyce to be sacked before but the Standard article is the final straw for me. The guy has his head jammed up his own arse and thinks the smell of his own shit is divine. I have taken to writing Allardyce spoof interviews after games but I haven't even come close to touching on this buffoon's blind arrogance! There are suggestions of insanity here - a persecution complex mixed with a sense of self grandeur which is out of all proportion to his actual ability and achievements. If I was David Gold, I would read the article with deep concern. Allardyce isn't going to change. He even claims he hasn't been playing with a lone striker because, "The reality is that I usually play three up, not one." I bet Cole and Maynard were scratching their heads as they read that!

Incredible. Amazing. Frightening. Go get Di Canio:at least he just admires dictators, he doesn't think he is one!

Why the move to the Olympic Stadium is the stepping stone to World Domination.

I have long been an opponent of the move to the OS but, with the new bid going in today, I have at last seen the light and shifted my position. Suddenly I see the sense of the running track and of being fifteen miles away from the action. Because let's face it, with Allardyce in charge, the further away from the pitch you are, the better!

In fact, Sullivan and Gold could mock up goals on the training pitch, film them, play them on the big screen and send the fans home happy every game. The matches themselves can finish 0-0 or 1-1, but the crowd will go home buzzing, thinking we have won by five or six clear goals courtesy of Nolan and our lone 50 goal a season striker.

Never mind if we miss out on promotion, we can print the programme and change the names of our opponents from Doncaster to Arsenal, making an announcement of a last minute kit change over the PA when necessary. Nobody will know any different because recognising individual players will be impossible from that distance! Before you know it, with the mocked up goals showing on the big screens, gullible Hammers fans will be talking about six goal thumpings of Chelsea, Tottenham and Man City!

This blog will seek to tell the truth of course, but nobody will listen. West Ham Till I Die and KUMB will support the lie in return for free season tickets and prawn sandwiches on match days and I will be labelled a liar, a traitor and a secret Spud!

Allardyce will become a West Ham god and everybody will be happy - until some silly sod spots in a Sunday paper that instead of being 20 points clear at the top of the Prem, we are actually sitting in tenth place in the Championship. Duxbury will then be unveiled to announce a dastardly reprisal from the FA because of Tevez, whereby we have been stripped of 30 points and relegated to the division below. Hate Week will be announced with Goldstein identified as the Chairman of the FA, the Premier League and Tottenham Hotspur. But the climb up the table will begin again courtesy of more mocked up goals and once again, you will all be Happy Hammers!

New name for the Olympic Stadium? Surely it has to be Victory Mansions!

QPR's Barton Twattering Again

He's off again, this time stealing from Ian Botham who, when replaced by the distinctly average David Capel, wore a t shirt emblazoned with the words, "Form is Temporary, Class is Permanent". That may be true of sporting ability but it is an unfortunate choice of words for somebody who has served time for assault. When you have "form" Joey, your criminal record is in fact permanent!

Our Record Stretching Back Over 17 Games Is Awful!

We keep hearing about a temporary blip as if it is only recently that we have lost form. Cobblers. How many goals have we scored in the last 17 games? Twenty. Digest that fact. Just twenty goals scored in the last 17 competitive matches - and some of those have been penalties! Just twenty goals in 17 games IN THE CHAMPIONSHIP! That is 1.176 goals per game IN THE CHAMPIONSHIP!

How many goals do you think we scored in our last 17 competitive games last season? That would be 28! In the season we finished bottom of the Prem, we scored 8 more goals in our lat 17 games, with Grant as manager, than Allardyce's team have scored over the last 17 games. True eight of those goals were scored against Championship opposition, but we scored them in two games! In fact, Grant's team scored 10 goals in three games against Championship opponents last season! That's half our total from our last 17 games in just three matches! And most West Ham fans call Grant a cnut!

And how many goals have we conceded in our last 17 games? That would be twenty guys.

Played 17, Scored 20, Conceded 20. Is it any wonder that we keep drawing games 1-1? And what has Allardyce done about it? Bemoaned our luck!

One last stat. How many goals did we score per game last season in the Premiership? Remember, that was the dreadful season when we finished rock bottom of the table? Well we averaged 1.13 goals per game, playing against the Manchester Uniteds, the Arsenals, the Chelseas etc. 1.13 goals per game against Premiership defences;  and 1.176 goals against the likes of Doncaster, Millwall and Watford! What a God almighty fcuk up!

Cottee says Allardyce doesn't know what he is doing.

So now Cottee has broken ranks too. And not before time. Speaking about our scoring drought, the former goal machine points the finger squarely at Allardyce's team selection and tactics. The former maestro said:

“Ravel Morrison has not been played at all and I don’t know why. We’ve been playing Nicky Maynard but he is a small striker, like I was, and I don’t think it works having him as the lone striker. I’ve felt sorry for Nicky when he’s been played on his own up front."

“A lot of fingers have been pointed at the forwards but a striker is only as good as his service and there aren’t too many options out wide and that’s been a problem more than anything else.”

Spot on TC. Shame Officer Dribble Allardyce doesn't get it! He is committed to the long ball lump of course, and seems to think it is all down to the air headed strikers. The problem is, when they live on scraps, they snatch at chances. They miss, the crowd groan, confidence sinks and we are in to an unvirtuous cycle.

It's time for Nolan to step aside for home games. It's time to get two men up top with Tomkins anchoring, Noble or Lasbury pulling the strings and with Vaz Te and Morrison or (dear God) Faubert operating on the flanks. I would have Taylor at left back too to add attacking impetus. We may lose as a result but a win brings three points and a defeat only loses you one. Do the sums. One win and one defeat is better than two draws; why can't Allardyce get it?

QPR 3 Liverpool 2 - The Dead Parrot Squawks!

At half time I wrote:

Time to wake up and smell the coffee! A point is no good to either side. Utterly sterile first half - a game to make Allardyce proud! Hughes and Dalglish need to throw caution to the wind. It's three points or bust for both teams! Time for Taarabt to step up to the plate and justify his ego. A goal now would justify his cult status. At the moment the L should be replaced by an N!

Well it took the Hoops another 32 minutes to come out of their stupor but boy how did they wake up! 3-2 with three goals in the last 13 minutes! Incredible. The dead parrot has squawked! Can it escape the jaws of the Black Cats at the weekend? West Ham beat Liverpool at the same stage of last season so the Rs shouldn't get too carried away but this was one hell of a result. At last Hughes has won a must win game! Any coincidence that Barton was subbed?

Clease Instead of Deaner on QPR bench for game with Liverpool tonight.

After his heroic intervention to save the life of Fabrice Muamba at White Hart Lane, running on to the pitch to lead the treatment of the Bolton star, Doctor Andrew Deaner was offered a place on the QPR bench tonight but politely declined, explaining, "If QPR lose tonight even I wouldn't be able to restart their Premiership heart."

John Cleese will feature instead ready to pronounce, "This premiership club is no more! It has ceased to be! Its expired and gone to meet its maker! Its a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If Warnock hadn't nailed it to the perch it would  be pushing up the daisies! Its metabolic processes are now 'istory! It's off the twig! It's kicked the bucket, its shuffled off its mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PREMIERSHIP CLUB!!!"

But the parrot squawks! The parrot flaps it's wings! The parrot is alive! The parrot demands, "Who nailed my feet to this bastard perch? Warnock? Warnock? Who the fcuk is Warnock?" What a thirteen minutes of football - the best since Bowles in the Bush!

Cracks appearing between Gold and Allardyce - Wait until Sullivan joins in!

So Gold has contradicted Allardyce's claim that he will be sacked come the end of the season if we don't get promoted. That may sound like a vote of confidence but it sounds more like a back hand swipe to me, with Gold saying he had no idea where the notion had come from - before suggesting it might be the tea lady. It's good to know the char woman is such a good judge at least!

Sullivan has been strangely reticent this season, apart from his "In bed with Dale" session. The pressure to speak out must be building, however, and it is difficult to imagine him keeping his gob shut for too much longer. The owners have backed Allardyce right down the line so far - treatment not extended to Zola and Grant of course - but with boos greeting the final whistle again last night, they must be beginning to wonder about the wisdom of appointing Allardyce to manage the Academy of Football.

As long as things were going well, a percentage of the natives were prepared to accept him - but they would sell their own sisters to Syrian pimps if the price was right! However, with the tide turning and the team struggling, even the pragmatists are having their doubts and are increasingly aligning themselves with the purists. The crassly one dimensional football and obscene percentage game that Allardyce favours has never won him any friends; now it is not winning him many points either.

They won't sack Allardyce of course. That would cost too much. Instead they will sit on their hands and hope upon hope that we somehow stumble over the finishing line in second place. But if we don't get up, they will make it bloody uncomfortable for him to stay. And Big Sam's bigger ego may see him flounce out. It's demeaning enough to be managing a bunch of southern softies in the Championship when, by rights, he should be in the charge of Real Madrid or England, how unbearable would it be to be managing those southern softies with the owners questioning his decisions and tactics?

Who next? Well if Di Canio were to be anointed new manager, the fans would fund and build a statue of Gold and Sullivan outside the Olympic Stadium; and as much as I hate his politics, even I would welcome Il Canio back to Upton Park. We might not win any more games, but at least we would fail with swagger and style!

QPR's Mark Hughes Curses His Luck

Would you believe it? QPR replace Neil Warnock with master tactician Mark Hughes whilst Blackburn stick with yard dog Steve Kean and what happens? Blackburn -unbeaten now in three games - only go and pull 6 points clear of the Hoops by beating red and white hot Sunderland 2-0.

The game against Liverpool becomes huge now. Bolton will be playing for Muamba for the rest of the season and Blackburn probably only need another 6 points to guarantee safety. Poor Sparky. To think he tunnelled out of Blackburn and Fulham, only to end up in this mess. Life is so unfair sometimes!

Allardyce Delighted After Reading Defeat

Talking after the game, Doctor Evil claimed to be delighted at closing the gap on Reading:

"You have to be pleased with that at the end of the day," he said. "We have closed up on Reading and if we draw our game in hand we will only be one point behind them. Meanwhile, Birmingham have fallen further behind us and if we keep picking up points here and there, it will be very hard for them to catch us. Third place is virtually secure now and third place is a big step up on finishing bottom last season."

"We were unlucky again tonight. When you look at the number of times we got the ball into the box you have to say that. The goal we conceded was a bit of a kick in the solar plexus to be honest because I made the changes to keep what we had got. You make these sorts of decisions and then an opposition player goes and does something like that. To be honest, he had no right to score from there."

"We were the better team on the night, no question. People will say our goal was lucky but I disagree. That's why you keep pumping the ball into the box, looking for a break like that. We work hard on that on the training ground and you know eventually it will happen for you."

"It's two good draws in a row now. Leeds is a difficult place to go to and get a point. I know people will come back at me and say Forest scored seven there tonight but what they overlook is that Leeds scored three themselves. We kept them down to one so in that sense got a better result than Forest."

"And like I said at the weekend, Reading shouldn't have wasted three goals on Saturday. We went a goal ahead tonight and that should have been enough but Reading played as if they were going to score four again which is probably why they let in three."

"The Southampton result was a little disappointing for us but Hull are out of the running now so we have to look at the positives. It's now nine games without losing and you have to be pleased with that. So lots of positives on the night. Lots of pluses. Lots to be pleased about. We move on to the next game and if we keep playing as we are, we won't be far away from a promotion place come the end of the season, providing Reading keep playing as they did tonight."

West Ham 1 Middlesbrough 1 - Allardyce Gets His Just Deserts!

You build a monster and sooner or later you will regret it. Just look at the score at Elland Road. We went there to defend and scrambled a late, late equaliser; Nottingham Forest have gone there tonight and smashed in seven! We go one goal ahead with the flukiest goal you've ever seen in your life and what does Allardyce do? He pulls off Maynard and Cole and sends on Carew and Collison, holding up a neon side announcing let's hold on for a 1-0 win. We conceded the inevitable goal and it was only courtesy of McCartney clearing off the line that we came away with a point.

What the fcuk was Allardyce doing with his formation? I saw the team selection and called it 4-1-3-2; in my bloody dreams! No, Maynard, an out an out striker was asked to play wide right to accommodate Nolan. And what did Maynard do all night? Not much. What did Nolan do? Even less!

Yet again, there was no guile, no craft, no composure, no invention, no imagination. Time and again long straight balls were lumped forward. Once again crosses were hit aimlessly into the box playing the bloody stupid mindless percentage game. It is a disgrace. We are worse than Bolton ever were! At least Bolton got bodies into the box and had players who could deliver crosses and play balls into the channels. Not this pile of shit! Not with Allardyce at the helm!

Tell me, what has Collison done all season to merit being brought on? Lansbury I could swallow, but Collison? Tell me, why was Maynard pushed wide on the right and left there when he was so obviously a fish out of water? Tell me, why was Carew used when the guy is obviously just marking time and picking up a salary for doing not very much.

And tell me, what did we create all night? Taylor could have scored, courtesy of a misplaced Boro pass back. Tomkins forced a superb save from Steele, but 99 of his 100 headers go over the bar so even if he had netted there would have been an element of luck about it. Cole and Noble fired over before half time. Maynard fired in a shot from outside the box in the first half, straight at Steele. Then Maynard tried to dink one over Steele from an impossible scoring position, landing it on the roof of the net.

Did we get to the byline once? Did we pass the ball to one of our own players along the ground into Boro's box once all game? Do you know I can't remember one. Maybe when Taylor broke down the left hand side of the box in the first half and failed to beat the first defender with his cross.

The Allardyce apologists will trot out more excuses. Vaz Te's absence will no doubt be cited, just as Taylor's absence earlier in the season was given as an excuse. But it's not the personnel picked, it's the absence of flair in the squad and the appalling, appalling tactics of Doctor Evil and his very own Igor, Kevin Nolan. Once again players were played out of position, once again Baldock was brought on far too late, once again the initiative was handed to the opposition by dreadful substitutions. If Grant had been making the decisions that Allardyce has made, he would have been crucified. A couple of games apart, we have been shit since the start of December. Southampton now have one foot in the Prem and, to be honest, even with Reading losing, we look a million miles away from going up.

Play-offs? How the hell will we win a game over two legs?

Player Ratings: Green 6; O'Brien 5, Faye 8, Collins 6, McCartney 5; Maynard 4, Noble 6, Tomkins 6, Nolan 1, Taylor 5; Cole 5 Subs Carew 2, Collison 3 Baldock (Given no chance!)