Newcastle Fans, How Selfish Is Shearer?

Did you hear that incredible quotation? "A friend asked if I didn't take the job and Newcastle survived, wouldn't I regret it? And the answer was yes." A slip of the tongue or a short circuit into the guy's subconscious? Why is he back exactly? To save the club or to perpetuate the myth that, like Keegan, King Al can walk on water?

It is high time the Geordies checked out the story of King Canute. The tide will come in no matter who orders it not to. Shearer, as ever, is looking after number nine, looking for personal glory and adulation. If he had really had the interests of the club at heart, he would have stepped in as soon as Keegan left, or when Kinnear was rushed into hospital. Trouble is, he could then have been judged and might have been deemed a failure. Now, if the Loony Toons go down, everyone will say, "What chance did he stand, there were only 8 games left when he took over and the transfer window was closed."

Ginola was on the radio this morning and talking about how boring Shearer was as a person. He termed him a "winner on the pitch" but suggested that he was uninspiring in the dressing room. Well he can't bang in the goals from the dug out so it is his ability to motivate in that dressing room that will now count. He sends me to sleep as soon as he starts droning on MOTD so I can't see how he is going to get anybody fired up personally. He reminds me of Curbishley - boring, boring, boring. Tell me, how often does the return of an ex player as manager signal success? Not often! But why does that matter, if it doesn't work, it won't be Alan's fault will it?

It is Heads Al wins, Tails Al wins. And Newscastle? The castle doesn't count, it is only the King that matters!

Curbishley, The Gypsy, and Global Economic Melt Down

Just when we thought the new medical set up at West Ham had cured all our ills, along comes the injury jinx again to lay low half our squad. It was Curbishley's out dated training regime and a bunch of quacks who were responsible for all the injuries we were told. Well, it seems that may have been so much tosh.

Still no Gabbidon or Beano, but that's hardly a surprise. Add to that list Dyer's recurring woes, Collins, Behrami, Luis Boa-Morte (every cloud has a silver lining), Upson, Collison and now Carlton Goals. Suddenly we are competing at the top of the Sick Note League again!

Personally I still blame Turds. He should have bought that sprig of heather off that gypsy the day he arrived to take the job. I mean, he spent all that money on Ljungberg, surely he could have found a pound to avoid a curse?

The Tevez affair, all those injuries, the Icelandic Banking Crisis, the Global Economic Melt Down - it's all Curbishley's fault! I tell you what, the G12 should pass a resolution to find that gypsy quick and buy her a new caravan. In fact, they could give her Alan's and the brown Volvo into the bargain. Until she is appeased, nothing will be good!

Curbishley, the Master of Mediocrity

Curbishley is a master for mediocrity. It is like having a batsman in cricket, as Tavare used to be, who can "hold up an end" whilst others score the runs around him. Tavare was never going to be a Botham, never going to be a winner on his own, but still had his value. But like Tavare, Curbishley doesn't have what it takes to be a winner or to get the crowd excited. To stick with cricket terminology, he doesn't "go for his shots". He is a nudger and a nurdler, a grafter who scores by saying, "you'll not get me out and if I stick around, you'll chuck down enough bad balls for me to accumulate a decent score." That's all very well if that is what you want, but a team of Tavares would be awfully boring to watch, just like Curbishley's teams. The trouble with West Ham teams in the past has been that all the players, even the defenders, have had the Botham attitude. Every team, ideally, has a Tavare, and I give Curbishley credit for instilling discipline into the defenders, Neill apart. But we want to see flair, we want to see our team pouring forward, we want to see invention, creativity, risk taking, we want to see exciting, attacking football. Tavare was never going to go for his shots in cricket and nor will Curbishley in football. Yes he was ideal for Charlton where expectations were lower, but he is wrong for West Ham. I'm not saying we expect to win things, what I'm saying is that we expect to be entertained when not winning things. George Graham might have been acceptable because he might have won trophies whilst abandoning our values, but Curbishley is the worst of both worlds; he will nurdle us to mid table obscurity and I would rather finish 14th by playing our shots than 10th by nudging and nurdling all season! One thing is for certain, Curbishley isn't going to change his mentality after all these "successful" years so if we want flair we need a new manager.

Poor old McClanger!

Well, it's been some time! All this blogging stuff went on the back boiler I'm afraid but how can I resist when players such as Arseshavings and Jerkoff are gracing Euro2008?

Thank God the Italians lost that shootout, they would have taken the game back a generation had they made it through to the final. The Italians and the Greeks apart, the great thing about this tournament is the way teams have attacked, trying to win games in that old fashioned way of trying to out score the opposition. The Russians have been a joy.

To think, we could have appointed Guus Hiddink when we appointed McClanger! How stupid does that make the FA look? Meanwhile, Chelsea have appointed a guy who, despite being graced with a golden generation of Portugese players, has won precisely nothing with them. I predict that one will end in tears!

Biggest hypocrit? Turds! After circling the wagons every time we took a 1-0 lead, he had the audacity to say at half time in the Russia v Sweden match, "Hiddink should go for it second half and not sit back and try to keep what he has got". This is the man who sent on Spector for Ashton to keep the score 1-1! This is the man who circled the wagons to protect the lead at home to 10 man Reading! This is the man who ordered the retreat and settled for a draw at home to relegated Reading and Birmingham and against relegation candidates Bolton and Wigan! What a hypocritical twat!

One final thought for now. Croatia only went out on penalties in the Quarter Final and Russia have reached the Semifinal. Were we in the Qualifying Group of Death without even realising it? Almost makes you feel sorry for McClanger.

Er, on second thoughts, no it don't!

Blowing a Gale (Martin Tyler! Well, I'm shocked!)

Given I'm considered too harsh a critic, I offer you the words of Martin Tyler and Hammer Hero Tony Gale: When Ashton and Boa Morte were breaking two on two: "Boa-Morte doesn't look as if he wants the ball." When Ashton tried to chest trap a ball: "He's struggling to judge the bounce of the ball".

When Green made a hash of coming for two crosses:"He was just standing beneath the cross" and "You've got to be more decisive when coming. He didn't look like getting there." When Cole missed a sitter: "He headed it straight at the keeper. Should have scored."

Of our derailed TGV: "Faubert hasn't really physically turned up for the game. The body language isn't good. He needs to get involved more." When Lucas stood in his six yard box, arms spread wide: "Lucas Neill left it with Robert Green nowhere near." When Mullins shot: "That was a long long long way wide." When Cole tied to control a drilled cross. "You've got to either try to volley or head the ball there, to try to control the ball is all but impossible."

I will take over now! Nobby was brilliant but the goal went in off his arm. Did Boa-Morte cushion the headed pass or was he trying to get out of the way? Not sure! Once Solano was on we looked so much better, which is worrying given he replaced Faubert, our latest "Great hope"! One Nobby pass was, in Gale's words, "World class" and "Out of keeping with the rest of the game."

Noble had a good second half of the second half. Gale again: "The kick in the face seems to have woken him up!" One classic moment when LBM jumped into the back of Cole as he went up for a Nobby cross - Keystone Cops stuff from Little and Large!

Classical Turds substitutions - he gave Ashton 11 minutes to impress Capello ("Cheers boss, I'm off in the summer!") and brought on Spector for Freddie to defend the 1-0 lead aginst 10 men. Typical!

Yes we won but be honest, it was crap, AGAIN! Where was the promised attacking adventure? Where were the promised youngsters? But what about the injuries I hear you whine. It was Fulham! We won with a scrappy goal. Fulham could have had a first half penalty. The passing was, Solano apart, generally awful. We had all the penetration of a eunuch in a chastity belt! Turds is happy of course. Three more points. Nice cup of tea. Lovely views.

Come on dear, time to pack up the caravan and poodle along to the next destination!

Parking the caravan at the cottage

Well what a surprise! We've arrived at the cottage and Turds has parked the bloody caravan! Real message of intent with the selection! Back to 4-5-1 and leave out the leading scorer. Presumably that confirms that Ashton is on his way. Not considered good enough for the mighty Fulham despite scoring against them at UP! Brilliant, just brilliant.

First half, exacty as expected. First thirty seconds, Upson lumps it into the waiting arms of Niemi! Then followed a competition for the worst pass of the season. Upson made his bid when he delivered a suicidal ball to Green. The Beatle entered the competition when he lumped a free kick from the half way over everybody's head for a goal kick but Noble took the laurel when he bisected two players on the touch line, all of five yards away, to give Fulham a throw! Good to see all that work on close passing in training has paid off Alan!

Cole is on fire! Well, by on fire I mean he has had three chances and failed to hit the target with any! Good to see all that work on his shooting has paid off Alan! He has also given away five free kicks so far. How many minutes into the second half before he ses yellow? LBM has been LBM. Classic bad choice with an attempted ball to Faubert. Risible header fom inside six yard box when unchallenged - clearly Nobby has been given responsibility for training "attacking headers"! The shoot on sight philosophy clearly isn't in play despite the lack of goals - Noble had the D all to himself but chose to pass to a Fulham defender instead!

Tony Gale looked at the line ups and said, "The two teams have been set up to negate each other." He then added, "Who dares wins"! Turds heard that as "Who dares might lose!" So the caravan is nicely parked, how about pulling out the awning Turds, then we can all sit down and have a nice cup of tea! 45 minutes of boring dross as per bloody usual!

The Steady Crawl of the Caravan Brigade

Excuse me Alan, how about this for an odd idea? How about we go to Fulham tomorrow and attack the Craven Cottagers? How about we go 3-5-2 – The Beatle, Upson and Anton at the back, Faubert and Nobby as wide men (attacking wing backs), Mullins as the midfield anchor, Noble and Freddie breaking forward from midfield, and Ashton and Sears up front? How about sending a message Al, “We’re better than them so let’s go out and score some goals”? How about you park up the caravan Al, get out of the brown Volvo and jump into a bright red Ferrari instead, putting your foot to the floor? What’s that mate? We still need three points to be safe? A point at Fulham would be a useful stepping stone to survival? Alan? Alan? Wind down the window a second mate! Turn down Radio 2 mate! Oy Alan, mind what you’re doing with that bloody caravan, you nearly ran over my foot!

Bring on the kids!

So the score is 5-0. Derby haven't just layed down, they've died. Bowyer has to come off and we still have another substitution up our sleeve. Tell me, is this not a great opportunity to blood a younger player? "OK Kyle, get on there and score yourself a goal. And you Camara. Show the fans why I signed you!" Did it happen? Nope. "Get stripped off James, let's keep this clean sheet." How are the kids going to progress if they never get a chance?

Curbishley v Pardew

Obviously we could make this comparison from a number of angles - signings, tactics, training methods and the like. The debate on http://www.westhamfans.org/ has been interesting and, for me, informative. If the rumours about Pardew are true, I now understand why he lost the dressing room and I've found the debate about fitness training eye opening. There is another dimension still. Why, even though, in truth, his record wasn't that great, is Pardew still so popular. How did he recover from the dreadful start and the ludicrous tactics and substitutions in the play off final against Palace? What is it about the man that makes me yearn for his return, even though, during his first turbulent 12 months, I would have gladly chaired a "Sack Pardew" Society and I fully recognise the stupidity of his failure to build a team around Tevez and Mascherano? Is my affection for Pardew simply a nostalgic reaction against "long ball" Curbishley?

It's not difficult to landmark when Pards won me over - it was the play off semifinal against Ipswich and that brilliant "Moore than just a football club" top. Suddenly he stopped being an outsider, an arrogant sod who preached to us misinformed fans, and became part of the soul of the Club. Yes he had trotted out the mantra before, but suddenly he belonged. By demonstrating personal humility when on the threshold of his greatest personal triumph, he suddenly joined the pantheon, a lesser god, but a god none the less through association with, and his apparently genuine respect for, our heritage. It may just have been clever self marketing of course but I fell in love with him as he walked down the touchline in that top. From there, he seemed to get it right every time he spoke to the cameras. He wanted to win but win in the West Ham way. We had an obligation to play with style. For West Ham fans winning wasn't enough. Maybe I was duped, but I lapped it up! There was that dance on the touchline. There was the genuine joy. There was the interaction with the fans, sharing our joy, sharing our excitement. There was that argument with Wenger. There were his comments about too many foreigners in the game. There was his knocking of Sven. He sounded like one of us, a bit cocky, but punching above his weight and doing it with style.

And that was Pardew to me, a guy with style. And he was so positive! He knew somehow that we were destined to get to that Cup Final and he was clever, or respectful enough, to link it all in with Greenwood, to keep paying tribute to the true greats behind the club. Did he ever moan about his luck? Perhaps I have a good editing facility in my brain but I can't remember him doing it. I remember him admitting to getting it wrong when he fielded an understrength team ahead of the Cup game against City, but I don't remember him complaining about the Board's failure to invest in the squad. He accepted the defeat was his fault.

Now, contrast all this with Curbishley. Everybody knows I don't like him and I come from a negative position, but I didn't like Pardew at first! Whereas Pardew had style, Curbishley, it seems to me, is the footballing equivalent of Primark - perfect for a club like Charlton but totally wrong for West Ham. He just hasn't got it somehow. He looks desperate on that touchline. He sounds like a parody of an Eastender, his accent is so unrefined. He looks and acts like a guy from a different era, the era of the big rosette and the football rattle. But he brings none of the nostalgic charm of that era with him. It is a sort of "in your face naffness".

Whereas Pardew tapped into the past and enlisted the ghosts of Moore and Greenwood into his motivational team, Curbishley seems to be frightened of that past, terrified of comparison despite being a child of the era. Perhaps it goes back to his departure as a player, moaning that if you play in midfield for West Ham you're told to pass it to Devonshire and Brooking. He was third best then and that inferiority complex hangs like a millstone round his neck. As a player he had to take the safe option because he wasn't good enough to play the dangerous ball and that mentality pervades his thinking as a manager. I suspect there is, in truth, a bitterness inside him. At Charlton he was top dog, a true god; at West Ham, he is what he always was, an also ran. As a result, he has lost sight of what we stand for. He can't focus on that brilliant light because, as a player, he was blinded by it. He was raised to be a West Ham flair player but ended up a Birmingham and Villa utility man. So faced with the brilliance of our heritage, he dons shades and tries to avoid the light, the light that we, the true fans who are at one with the soul of the club, want to always be a part of. Pardew's brilliance was to step into that light and invite us all inside it; Curbishley's inferiority complex, makes him terrified of the spotlight, terrified of comparison with the greats who he could never measure up to.

People keep saying give him time. My reply is, you can hang a Primark suit in your wardrobe for as long as you like and it will never turn into Armani.

From out of the mouth of Turds...

Turds quoted in The Sun... "...the problem with being a manager is the despair of defeat is greater than the joy of winning...The Premier League is about doing everything you can to survive...At some stages last season I was accused of not being passionate enough. But when I threw a bottle when we lost a goal in injury time to Bolton people said I'd lost it. I don't know where to go from there." Imagine reading this on the coach on the way to the game! Inspiring words ahead of the Derby game? Can you imagine Jose talking like that? Or Wenger? Or Greenwood? Or Pardew? Can you imagine wanting to sign or play for a manager who sounds so depressed, so down, so negative? In answer to Turds dilemma about "where to go from there", may I suggest retirement? The poor old boy is 50 after all!

Shutting up shop at Pompey

My question is, do we want to pick a team to, in the words of Turds after the game, "stop Portsmouth playing"? Is that the West Ham way? Is that what it has come down to? Stop Arsenal playing perhaps, but stop Portsmouth playing? Then you have to look at the selections. Yes he did play 4-5-1 but with Bellyache out of position and obviously out of his depth in the role. Thank God he had to come off, otherwise he would have been sent off second half because of all his moaning and because, with defensive responsibilities, he would have mistimed at least one tackle - and he was already on a yellow. I was furious when Spector and Ferdinand were sent on, not because of who they were but because it gave out a clear message to the team - shut up shop. We were bossing the game at the time! Result, we dropped deeper! Result, we give away a penalty! (And it was a penalty!) People argue it was a reaction to Kanu being sent on. So what? That meant more space for us. The second half belonged to us until those substitutions. There-after, ONLY one team could win, Portsmouth. Tell me, is it ever right to put yourself in a position where it is impossible to win a game? I don't think so.

Mercy sacking

So Jol has been put out of his misery. Not before time sadly, because the guy was going mad before our very eyes. Personally, I rate him but his comments during interviews were getting weirder by the day. Phrases like, "All the players love me" in that dodgy Dutch accent of his. I was beginning to wonder if he had been attracted by the name rather than the performances when he signed Bent!

He will be back of course. Maybe when we flush Turds down the managerial toilet!

Ninth from bottom here we come!

A little serious reflection. The lucky victory over Sunderland means we are stuck with Turds for the time being so what can we reasonably expect between now and the end of the season? Is mid table the best we can hope for? Or are we in a false position with the potential to either push on for a top six position or slide back into a relegation dog fight?

Let's deal with the relegation issue first. Spurs will not go down. Their position is obviously false and, no matter what you think of him, Jol is not Glenn Roeder. Spurs will come good, probably when we play them! In truth, when you take into account that they have played Arsenal, United and Liverpool already, their points tally is probably only 6 or 7 short of what it should be. Had those points been collected, they would be rubbing shoulders with ourselves. The defeat at Sunderland and the home reverse against Everton were their nightmare results.

Bolton are interesting and much will obviously hang on who they bring in to replace Mini Me. I predicted Little Sam's demise back in May but the directors have acted slightly quicker than I expected. Another month of Sammy playing at being manager would have condemned them; now there is time for his replacement to save them. The key will probably be the reaction of Nolan and Anelka to the new boss. If these two want away, Bolton will slip through the trap door. I'd have both at Upton Park! I'm a huge fan of Jewell and believe that if Bolton recruit him, they will stay up.

Derby aren't worth discussing. They will go down.

Fulham are poor too. Sanchez has built a Championship team and that is where they are probably heading. One Cap Chesky reckons he's made a good career move; perhaps that's because he knows he is not a Premiership defender! They should have been relegated last season; only Benitez kept them up by selecting his stiffs at the Cottage. Going down!

So that's two of the three sorted!

What about Sunderland? Well, despite the fact that we made them look like world beaters, they are a very poor team. Keane may be a brilliant motivator and a good tactician but he will have to have the powers of Moses to keep this lot out of the bottom six. I saw the team sheet before kick off and thought, there's nobody outside of the keeper who deserves a Premiership place. By the end, I felt differently about Kenwyne Jones but then Upson can make the average donkey look like a Derby winner. With Chopra, Richardson and Connolly in the squad, they must be live contenders for the drop, especially if Keane sees the writing on the wall and jumps ship in mid season. Let's see, if Spurs decided they couldn't wait for the Spaniard and off loaded Jol? Probably not.

What about Birmingham? Quite, what about Birmingham? How average are Birmingham? Another Championship team and led by a manager who has all the tactical nounce of McClanger. In an average Premiership, they would be my favourites for the third relegation spot unless they are bought out quickly. But even then, who in their right mind would join Birmingham? They are the Vauxhall Nova of the Premiership -no glamour whatsoever despite Sullivan and Karen Brady. And would I live within commuting distance of Birmingham if I was a millionaire footballer? No thanks! Mind you, we all know the name of one idiot who chose to leave West Ham to further his career as a player at Birmingham - step forward Turds!

How about Boro? Well, they are crap! How on earth have they ended up with such a poor team after all the money they have spent over the last few years? Downing will be off in January around about the time Mido gets his letter home from the local authority for being obese and Woodgate books a six month break in California to recuperate from his latest injury! No Yakubu, no Viduka, no hope. And Southgate as a manager; sorry, he just doesn't hack it. If Birmingham are bank rolled Boro will be in big trouble. Fourth from bottom will represent over achievement in my book.

But we still haven't considered Wigan! How poor are they? Our home draw against them will be seen as two points tossed away. Jewell kept them up. Just like Allardyce, the manager was bigger than the club. Hutchins is better than Mini Me but Wigan's trouble is that they will give him more time to fail comprehensively. They don't belong in the Premiership. It has been fun whilst it has lasted but it is surely time to say goodbye. My tip for second from bottom!

And we still haven't reached Reading! How bad is this Premiership? Best league in the world? What a joke! Just like ourselves, Reading have been found out in their second season. You can only charge around at a million miles per hour for so long! Unlike us, Reading will not be able to sign Tevez! The corners will probably keep them up unless Coppell talks himself into resignation. He is prone to depression. On Saturday he looked like he needed Prozak!

So, on that basis, we should be able to finish ninth from bottom without breaking too much sweat. This is a poor division! Outside of seven or eight clubs, there is no quality whatsoever.

So, what about looking upwards? Well there are some teams who will definitely finish above us of course: Arsenal, United, Chelsea, Liverpool and Newcastle (the Allardyce factor!). Is Sven good enough to keep City up there? Possibly. If so, what a mistake it was by the FA to let him go! However, if Elano were to be injured...Then there is Blackburn. Well full marks again to Sparky - he can spot a player and bring the best out of him once he's bought him. Spurs will be above us come the end of April. It hurts me to say it but we all know it's true! Everton? Average team, excellent manager. Head to head with ourselves, you'd have to fancy Moyes to out think Turds. Portsmouth? 'Arry 'as 'em buzzin! Providing he can stave off the Parkinsons, you'd have to fancy Pompey under the old twitcher to make it into Europe this year. But how good are they really? Man for man, no better than ourselves even with our injuries. Which leaves Villa! Well we desperately want Villa to fail because of Reo-Choker; oh the delight to see the pout as he was sent from the field against United! Who was O'Neill so angry with, the ref or the black Judas?

So, at the end of it all, we are playing in a mini league of Villa, Everton, Blackburn, City, Portsmouth and Spurs. Put those into a predicted finishing order and I would go: Portsmouth, Blackburn, Man City, Spurs, Villa, Everton, West Ham. So that's ninth from bottom then! Four places higher than last season! It won't get Turds Manager of the Season will it? The question is, will it get him the chop?

Give us a break!

Oh God! So the nightmare has come true. Ashton is out for up to 6 weeks, and with Bellyache returning from his break between international fixtures (funny the way Man United & Liverpool players are fit for club games but not for international fixtures but at West Ham, it's often the other way around!), we could find ourselves with Zammo and Cole up front between now and Christmas. So, it's bottom three by December then!

Never mind, I'm sure Turds will buy another injury prone player or two to help them on the road to early retirement.

Unlucky Managers

It seems to me that some managers are brilliant (like Ferguson), some managers are indisputably shite (like Red Stripe) and some carry the worst curse of all - they are unlucky. McClanger unfortunately has a foot in both the shite and unlucky camps!!!!!

Reflecting back on my proposed team (earlier blog), it is amazing to think that Rooney, Ashton and Beckham are already out, Gerrard and Hargreaves may be and Joe Cole isn't playing for Roublesea. And I only picked the midfielders and forwards. It really is a struggle to think of a team that would suit my proposed formation! Poor old McClanger! Still, this shows why you have to win your games when the injury curse isn't hitting you so hard. If we fail to qualify then results earlier in the campaign will be more to blame!

There's only one thing to do with an unlucky manager - sack him! Then, when the injuries clear up suddenly and the team goes on a winning run, he can justifiably tell everybody, "I was just unlucky!"

Hasn't Turds been bemoaning his luck recently?

Sweating Turds

Hmmm, up beat didn't last long. Weak draw at home to Wigan, broken leg for Dyer (surprise surprise!) and inept second half performance against the mighty Bristol Rovers. Adriano won't join us - the dinners aren't big enough I'd guess looking at his bulk - Anelka has signed a new contract at Bolton (so he will move in January then!) and I'm worried that we still don't have a left back, a viable alternative up front (how bad was Zamora at Rovers!!!!) and we are still thin creatively in midfield. Turds must still be sweating as he looks up at Gollum's gloomy face in the stands!

More trouble at the Blunted Blades with the finess coach quitting - any truth in the rumour that he didn't agree with Red Stripe's liquid diets?

Bleak House

So the cracks are showing (and that's not just when the Hammerettes do their high kicks!). Gollum has apparently given Turds six weeks to save his job, the Blunted Blades are trying to out-Jarndyce Jardyce versus Jardyce and Craig Bellyache has had his first hissyfit with Turds. Arrive stage right Kieran Dyer! Never mind the rights to the games, somebody should be negotiating hard to buy the rights to the training ground. Why not buy back Hartson just for a laugh? Bellyache already has the golf club, now, "anything but gentlemen", choose your weapons please!

Any Eidur?

More transfer speculation but still no talk of a left back. Surely it is obvious even to Turds that McCartney isn't god enough? I know Onecapchelsky wasn't brilliant but he was, at least, an option. But then, when Turds doesn't like you, that's it!

It may be early but I think Turds should be flushed down the managerial toilet. That's not knee jerk - read my blogs through last season - as Oncecap says, he aint up to the job. Just think, if we had been bold and appointed a manager with status in the game, we might, just might, have kept Tevez. Seems from what Onecap says that even Bent doesn' like him - and it was Turds who plucked him from the Championship!

First manager for the chop?

Not sure what the official odds are but I'd say it is a straight fight between Turds and Mini Me Sammy Lee. Both got off to disaterous starts on Saturday. Both are already cursing injuries. Neither commands the respect of his players, both have succeeded managers who the fans adored, neither inspires confidence when you watch them on the touch line. Question is, when Turds goes (my bet is early October), who will replace him? Roeder is looking for a job - only joking!!!!!

Here we go again! Turds overheard on the touchline!

Ready, steady...no, hold on a minute, I'm not ready! I haven't spent my chairman's money! I've sold players without buying replacements! I haven't got a left back! I don't know my best centre back pairing, all my summer signings are injured, Ashton isn't ready, my right back is injured and his replacement is crap, the City players don't even know each other so how am I meant to tacically outsmart them? I can't look, I can't look, tell me when it's all over! I'll send on Etherington! Now I'll move him to left back! Mullins! I wanted to off load him but anyone's better than Bowyer! Get on there Ashton! Is it over yet? I can't look! I can't look! Where is Tevez when you need him? Anybody got any ideas because I'm clueless!