Betfair Odds for Young Boys v West Ham

Young Boys 4/5 West Ham 7/2 The Draw 3-1

Young Boys v West Ham's kids and it appears the odds are against us!

Kick off shortly! Come on you Iron Filings!

Big Sam's Kindergarten United

Interesting to see the OS lauding the virtues of taking 5 kids on the trip to Switzerland. There is the usual stuff about great opportunities but the truth of the matter is that, without them, we would struggle to put out a team!

I am sure we all hope that Olly Lee, Montano, George Moncur, Jordan Brown and Robert Hall look llike superstars in the making and play an important role as we conquer the n-Power this season, but there is this nagging worry that Sullivan and Gold will use them as an excuse for not bringing in experienced players. Let's face it, a Toblerone bar is a cheap form of bonus!

Or perhaps that is the right approach. Instead of bringing in clapped out yard dogs, perhaps we should factor in 2 seasons in the n-Power instead of one and aim to go back up with a team of young starlets and cash to burn on new recruits. How's this for a starting 11?

Stech: Spence, Tomkins, Faye, Brown; Barerra, Noble, Collison, Montano; Nolan (capt); Piquionne. Subs Lee, Boa, Hall, Stanislas, Sears, Hines, Reid, Boffin.

Should we be brave, say "fcuk it" and prove we are the Academy?

Barrera MUST be retained!

Well it seemed to work with Collison yesterday! I blogged that Collison must be retained and urged Twitter account holders to Twatter Gold, and within the hour, Gold Twattered that Collison was going nowhere.

It seems that during this time of faltering season ticket sales, we, the fans, may actually have some sort of voice in the decision making.

Now the rumours centre on Barerra after his brilliant efforts for Mexico this summer. Real Zaragova and Wigan want him apparently and I fear we will be tempted to sell because of stage payments if Pablo gets an extended run in the team. But to sell him at the moment would be madness. This boy could yet be very good indeed. Or totally crap!

It worked yesterday with Collison so let's make our feelings clear about Pablo too. Twatter Gold and say that the Taco Bell Doppelganger must be retained!

Collison MUST be retained.

This is getting bloody silly. West Brom have bid £2.5m and offered to treble Collison's £4,000 per week salary if he joins. Treble it? We should cut the crap and pay him £25,000 a week to get that contract signed.

How the hell can Parker be worth £83,000 a week and Collison be on just £4,000? Is it any wonder that all sense of team work disappeared at the club?

Apparently, contract negotiations with Collison have stalled. Are we surprised if West Brom's £12,000 a week salary offer is deemed more than competitive?

If we allow Collison to go then a very clear signal is being given that Sullivan and Gold have only one priority - to reduce the debt. We have a "squad" of 16 players as things stand and Collison is one of the best of them. To let him go would be criminal.

If any of you are on Twitter, twatter Gold now and make your feelings clear on this one! Hines can fcuk off; Collison must be retained!

Sullivan & Gold drowning in their own BS!

Dear God, do these guys take West Ham fans for COMPLETE idiots? Just look at the output of the OS! Earlier today we were hearing how this was a big season for young Brown, the only left back at the club once Fry and Ilunga have departed. The latest is an attempt to big up Junior Stanislas, no doubt ahead of news of Barerra's departure.

But the best one of all is their claim that, "The club has been inundated with season ticket requests so has decided to extend the renewal period". What cobblers! What they mean is that they have been utterly underwhelmed by applications and are holding out longer in the hope of finding more mugs before dropping prices.

If you have already committed to buying a season ticket, how do you feel exactly and how will you feel when the "special offers" cut in after the first (televised) game of the season?

£4.5m for Cole? Tell Stoke where to stick it!

So Stoke have not bid £6million for Carlton as some reports suggested but £4.5m rising to £6m based on appearances - lets hope it is appearances and not goals or God only knows when we would see the balance of the money!

To my mind, the offer is derisory. I know Cole isn't Shearer or Lineker, but if Bent is worth £20m rising to £24m, then Cole must be worth £6m up front of any club's money surely?

Once again, the failure to rejuvenate the squad last summer is coming back to bite us. Back then, Cole, Behrami, Parker and Green would have commanded a combined transfer fee of £25m; now we look like netting £15m for the four if we are lucky - and we have paid out £10million of that in wages! And for what? We finished bottom for fcuk's sake!

What a shambles!

Are Sullivan and Gold really THAT stupid?

Fans seem to be undecided about our illustrious owners. Some believe they are fans and have a master plan to turn West Ham into a major force in the Prem; others think they are on a money making exercise and don't give a toss about the club; and another group adhere to the "cock up" theory.

What's indisputable is that since they have taken charge, they have made a series of awful decisions. Yes we were in a mess when they bought the club, but we were in the Prem, and we are not now. Decisions which fall somewhere between questionable and awful include:

1) The signing of McCarthy.
2) The signing of Mido.
3) The failure to sign defenders in the January 2010 window.
4) The undermining of Zola whilst he was still manager.
5) The stupid, "Everybody is for sale except Parker" statement.
6) The absurd contract given to Parker which has deflated his value now we have been relegated.
7) The failure to sign a left back in the January and summer windows of 2010.
8) The appointment of Avram Grant.
9) The failure to renew an inadequate squad last summer, moving out Parker, Cole, Behrami, Upson and Green and using the money to rebuild.
10) The terrible bungling attempt to replace Grant in January.
11) The decision to then leave the wounded and resentful Grant in charge.
12) The distraction of the Olympic Stadium.
13) The decision to employ an employee of the OLC as a consultant for the club.
14) Failing to arrest the slide towards relegation.
15) As we stand, with the new season less than a month away, we can''t even name a first 11 if all the players rumoured to be leaving do, in fact, defect.

That is quite a list given they have only been in charge for 18 months! What have they achieved on the positive side?

1) The wage bill has been slashed and will be slashed further.
2) As things stand, we will be the tenants of the Olympic Stadium.
3) We have signed Nolan.
4) The debt has been reduced despite falling revenues and, because of the slash and burn decimation of the squad, we are positioned to "survive Armageddon" of relegation.
5) Fans expectations have been brilliantly managed so, even now, there is not widespread revolt.

Can anybody think of anything else? Some will argue the retention of Scotty but we find ourselves in the Championship and Scotty is worth less now than he was a year ago so that must be seen as an error surely?

So, what is going on? Are the guys complete idiots? That seems unlikely given their record for making money. Who were the idiots at Birmingham, Sullivan & Gold who bought low and sold high, trousering a wedge, or the new dodgy owner / the poor Birmingham fans who celebrated jumping out of the frying pan into the fire?

Are they doing everything in the interests of West Ham United, the football club, and its fans? Unlikely surely. We are in the Championship and Doctor Evil Allardyce is in charge of the Academy of Football. Would ANY West Ham fan have opted for this scenario when the Dildo Boys took over the club?

Is this a master plan to make a personal fortune then? I remain very worried about the sale of the Boleyn. How much of the proceeds will be used to clear the debts ahead of selling the club at a tasty profit to any dodgy money launderer sloshing around at the time? My guess is 100% of it.

I may be wrong. Sullivan and Gold may be idiots but I fear that if the fans really want to spot the mugs at Upton Park, they need to look in the mirror.

Could Diamanti Return?

It is an interesting thought. Brescia owe us money for the Italian One Cap Wonder and we are calling for him to be suspended from playing until the debt is settled. With Brescia relegated and Doctor Evil in need of eight players, might a sensible solution be for Diamanti to return to Upton Park? I'd back him to score 20 goals in the Championship personally, feeding off Piquionne and Nolan.

Green, Cole, Parker, Barerra, Spector & Gabbidon all in Departure Lounge

The Exodus continues! At this rate, West Ham will need Moses to lead our people to the Promised Land which seems to be anywhere and everywhere other than West Ham. Doctor Evil is talking of eight players needed to fill the holes left by all the departing players but you have to wonder if even that will be enough!

If the runes are right, by the time the season kicks off we will have shed Kovac, Keane, Bridge, da Costa, Obinna, Dyer, Cole, Parker, Gabbidon, Spector, Green, Barerra, Ba, Hitzlsperger, Faubert, Ilunga, Jacobsen and Upson from last season's squad. So far we have brought in just 2 players, which means that 10 players will be replacing 18 if Sam has got his numbers right. God help us if we suffer any injuries!

Who is lined up to come in? Well da Rosa and O'Brien are on trial and neither fills one with a sense of anticipation! Apart from those, we have been linked with Konchesky and, ludicrously in my opinion, Joe Cole and otherwise, God only knows. There were whispers about Gradel joining from Leeds but nothing has happened there and Mucky-Smith preferred cosy Brighton to bleak midwinter West Ham.

Somehow we are favourites for promotion but on the basis of what exactly? If everybody predicted to leave goes, we have the following team at the moment:

Stech

Spence, Tomkins, Faye, Nobody

Collison, Noble, Nolan, Stanislas,

Piquionne, Sears

I dont know about you but I don't fancy that team to run away with the division. The ONLY cover with first team experience would be Boffin (one game), Boa, Edgar (League Cup as sub), Hines (if he signs a new contract), Nouble, O'Neil (who won't play before Christmas, if ever!) and Reid. That is truly terrifying!

It's all very well saying we will bring in eight players but who are they, how much will they cost and when exactly will they arrive - the season is less than a month away!

Brazilian Pole Dancer Heading to Upton Park

A da Rosa by any other name would smell as sweet but we all know what you put on roses to make them grow! Is it just me or are others worried about the prospect of signing an unknown Brazilian defender who has been a "star" in the Polish league?

Apparently, this guy has been performing a staring role for the mighty Korona Kielce no less. He is clearly a 27 year old superstar in the making!

Why do we want him? For the same reason that Poles are working all across London? They come cheap?

Konchesky or Ilunga?

Rumours suggest we are in the hunt to sign former Hammer Paul Konchesky to fill the left back void that has existed ever since...well ever since Turds off-loaded OneCap to Fulham actually and the Board shipped out Linda against AC's wishes. Since then, there has been a yawning hole down our left flank. True Ilunga had one good season whilst on loan, but having landed a full time contract, he gave up first on trying and then on playing.

Since then we have tried Spector at left back with disastrous results. Daprela was thrown to the lions by Zola, holding him back for games against Arsenal (twice) and Chelsea. Ben Haim had a run out but without any great success. Gabbidon was even worse in that position than at centre back. Upson had a game in the berth and actually looked the best of the bad bunch to my mind. Lopez was tried and we went out of the Gnats Piss Cup to Watford on his watch. And, of course, Bridge came as the most expensive bridge in London and failed to cross the divide between our centre backs and the left hand touchline.

Want to explain why we went down? The failure to invest in full backs goes a long way to answering that question. What use is a back four when two of the four don't know how to play in the position? Look at the other flank! Neill was in his dotage and slowing by the day and after he defected, we've tried Spector, Behrami, Faubert, Gabbidon, Spence, Tomkins and Jacobsen in the position. Of those, only Jacobsen is a specialist right back and he wasn't good enough for the Blackburn team. What a farce! Time and again I have used this blog to call on managers and owners to buy full backs but season after season, other positions were prioritised.

How do you score against West Ham? Send crosses into the box. How do you stop crosses? Your full backs get tight and block the supply. So what have we done about it? Bugger all.

Even now, full backs seem to be an afterthought. Is Konch the answer? Maybe but I'm not convinced he is any better than Ilunga to be honest. Who will play right back? It's looking like Spence at the moment. What cover do we have in the event of injury or suspension? Bugger all.

The season kick off is less than a month away now. God only knows how the defence can train as a unit because half of the defence isn't even at the club yet! As usual with West Ham, it looks a bloody mess!

Sullivan & Gold Miss Marketing Opportunity

I can't believe it! Sullivan and Gold have missed a marvelous marketing opportunity by deciding not to produce a dvd for the 2010-11 season. Surely it would have flown off the Ann Summers shelves if appropriately named: "The World's Biggest Tits, C**ts & Arses"!

Liverpool opt for Adam over Parker

Another day and another Parker suitor drops out as Liverpool opt for a right Charlie rather than a wrong Scotty. Poor Parker must be feeling like the ugly sister with a Cambridge degree at the moment. Oh how the parents boast about the academic ability but when it comes to finding a husband, it's "I'm sorry dear but men marry beauty not intelligence. Yes you have a degree but look at your youngest sister's tits and your other sister's boat race."

So Scotty remains on the Championship shelf, loved only, it seems, in Turkey where he doesn't want to play. Levy may yet sanction a move but only if the price comes down low enough and if West Ham agree to pay half of Scotty's salary. It will probably end up costing us to get Spurs to take him off our hands!

Meanwhile, the man who didn't win Player of the Year is off to Anfield. Funny that. Maybe it is something to do with his 12 goals and 6 assists last season?

Another Day and Still No New Faces

Ok so we have Faye and Nolan but with all the departures, the squad is looking distinctly threadbare. There's been talk of seven new signings, and last week the club suggested we were closing in on three players, but since then, nothing. One target eluded us: Mucky-Smith is at Brighton. We are still chasing DJ Campbell apparently, but he wants Premiership football. Who else?

Some will say it is too early to panic but the season kicks off in a month's time - and we don't want the players meeting each other for the first time on the eve of the big kick off!

The problem almost certainly centres on our failure to raise funds from sales. I'm sure Boycie and Del Boy were banking on receiving £14million for Scotty & Carlton but so far interest in both has been luke warm. With Ilunga rumoured to be the next one to leave and Faubert likely to follow him out of the door, you have to wonder if we will be able to cobble a team together to play Cardiff!

Allardyce Pulls Out of Race to Sign Former Liverpool Star

I have to say that I am bitterly disappointed. What's happened to loyalty in football exactly? With Mini Me Sammy Lee rolled out of Liverpool, to make way for Kevin Played Two Lost Two For Two Against Six Keen no less, it looked odds on that the barrel of lard would link up again with Doctor Evil at Upton Park. However, Sam Pot has made it clear that the Scouse Blobby is not needed.

Dissing the rumours, Allardyce told anybody who was interested: "I already have one overweight Wally on the coaching team so why do I need another?"

Good point Sam.

West Ham Fans In State of Panic

Be ready for news of West Ham fans throwing themselves off the Queen Elizabeth the Second Bridge when they miss the "last opportunity to renew" their season tickets today. Imagine the horror of missing out on the deal of the century!

Last season you paid your money to see West Ham lose to Man Ud, Chelsea, Birmingham, Arsenal, Villla...well the list is almost endless! But don't forget that victory over Spurs and that thrilling 0-0 draw at home to Blackpool! This season, you can pay exactly the same price to watch West Ham play Doncaster, Peterborough and Mucky-Smith led Brighton and Hove Albion!

It will be like the night before Wimbledon quarter final day on Green Street today. Anxious Hammers fans pitched their tents 24 hours ago and...oh no sorry, the tents are just the temporary homes of illegal immigrants hoping to find work on the Olympic Stadium by channeling a deal sweetener via Karren Brady's contacts!

Business has been "brisk" according to the Official Site so your chances of being able to get your seat are as slim as Dawn French. Remember, Samaritans already have a special extension dedicated to West Ham fans, simply ring up and give the code westhamtilidie... oops, that just takes you through to the gay counselling service!

Remember, don't delay. This could be your last opportunity to see Scotty play for West Ham. Well, it could be your last chance to see Scotty play well for West Ham. At his age, semi retirement is just around the corner but how wonderful would it be to know that your hard earned cash is funding this West Ham legend's retirement pot. Bloody teachers and nurses chasing gold plated £10,000 a year pensions; Scotty's is £83,000 a week!

And Parker and Nolan apart, we may not have a team. But with Kevin and Scotty, who needs nine other players? So get down to the club now and reserve your ticket whilst you still can. The doomsday clock is ticking!

Pardew Highlights Scott Parker Madness

He wasn't speaking about Scotty - he was explaining why Newcastle let Nolan leave - but in the process, Pardew nailed the stupidity of the contract we offered to Parker. We don't know how much Nolan was asking for per week, but we do know now that he wanted a four or five year contract and Pardew wasn't prepared to grant a contract of that length to a 29 year old midfielder. Why? Pards can explain:

"My opinion is that we couldn't give Kevin a five-year contract because if Kevin isn't playing first-team football, he isn't going to be the leader that we want, I am convinced of that.

"Kevin is so full-on as the captain of a football club and at the level he has gone to now, he will easily cope with that and he will come back to the Premier League.

"But in four or five years' time, Kevin needs to be doing the business in the first team, and we couldn't and I couldn't see that possibly happening here at Newcastle, and we had to make a decision on that."

Just substitute the word Scotty in for Kevin and it is job done isn't it? Why are we struggling to find a taker for the "Player of the Year"? Because no other club wants to commit to the bloody silly money we have promised to pay him until he is well in to his football dotage.

I said it was crazy at the time and so it is proving.

Brighton Bound Mucky-Smith Just Wants to be Loved!

Well either Brighton are going to surprise a lot of people next season or Mucky-Smith has demonstrated his inadequacies and lack of ambition by signing for Brighton and Hove Albion.

I queried all along why, exactly, we were trying to buy a player who, at 27, would surely have had a crack at the big time by now if he was any cop. Of course, the West Ham Can Do No Wrong merchants argued the toss, claiming that Mucky was a special talent to compare with the likes of Gerrard, Drogba and the mighty Billy Jennings!

But they will change their tune now. No ambition. Small club mentality. Found his level.

Apparently he joined Brighton because of the warmth of Poyet. What a ponce! Never mind the opportunity to join the favourites for promotion, all Mucky-Smith wants is cuddles, something he is unlikely to get from Doctor Evil. Brighton are welcome to him!

Barton Better Than Parker!

Well we all knew that Nolan deserved the Player of the Year award ahead of Parker because of his 11 goals and 7 assists - and now our Kev is at Upton Park more of us are willing to admit it - but the news that Bad Boy Barton had a better season than Scotty too may come as more of a surprise.

Never slow to come forward with fists raised, Joey twattered that he is a better player than Mr West Ham Until I Join Spurs Parker. And the guy has a point. He argues, quite rightly, that he helped Newcastle to two victories over the Parker "inspired" West Ham and highlights that we were relegated comfortably with Scotty in the team.

Stats also make very interesting reading. Where Parker managed a paltry three assists all season, Joey played a killer ball no less than 9 times. Where Parker excelled himself with 4 Premiership goals, Joey chipped in with 5.

Over his Premiership career, Joey has set up a goal once in every 8 games, whilst Parker only creates a goal once in every 14.5 games. Parker has scored once in every 13 games, whilst Barton has made the net bulge once in every nine games.

How much is Barton paid a week? Probably less than a third of what we are paying Parker. Who is getting value exactly?

West Ham Bid for Jack Warner and Bin Hammam

With news breaking in the Sunday Times that the club has allegedly been bribing officials and employing members of the Olympic Legacy Committee as "consultants", it can surely only be a matter of time before Jack Warner and Bin Hammam join the Board!

Nobody should be too surprised by the latest revelations, of course. When Del Boy and Boycie own the club, things are always going to be more cushty than kosher!

Mind you, the Board have offered a vigorous defence on the OS - with the only dodgy matter, apparently, relating to employment law. Interestingly there is even something dodgy intimated in this vigorous defence - unless I am reading the statement incorrectly.

I have one question. Why, oh why, would you take the risk of allegations of impropriety? How stupid would you have to be to employ somebody who exposed you to such allegations? Maybe it was all a trap to lure Spurs in; maybe Brady, Sullivan and Gold are that clever. Maybe.