Reasons to be cheerful for West Ham and QPR on the most depressing day of the year

Today is the most depressing day of the year apparently. Not in Blackburn after they climbed out of the bottom three at Rangers' expense. Well maybe in Blackburn. Let's face it, how could you be anything other than miserable in Blackburn, unless you have moved there from Middlesbrough!

So, what is there to be cheerful about?

Well it's not so hard for Hammers fans. We are second in the table. Or joint top if we want to be cheerful. We are four points clear of third place and have Forest up next - and they score less goals than we do. But they do have Harewood. Well, like I said, they score less goals than we do!

The injuries are clearing up too. As things stand, its only Demel and Taylor carrying Kieron Notes.

And Big Sam has signed another big lump. John George or George John, whatever he is called. So Sam is happy and if Sam is happy we must be happy too. Our slump is officially over. Because Sam says so. So that's all right then. We did beat Portsmouth on their dung heap after all, overcoming ten mediocre men in the process. That's progress! Under Zola we specialised in drawing against 10 men!

And then there's Piquionne. Freddie the Fly Tipper may be off to Wolves!

True the football is shit, true we haven't scored twice in the same game for eight matches now, and true we have all the flair of...well of an Allardyce team, but we have won two league games on the trot and haven't shipped a goal in either. And we are out of the FA Cup too, so no distractions there!

So let's be happy!

Finding reasons to be cheerful if you are an R is not so easy. Sunday's defeat rooted the R's in the bottom three and the Hughes bubble was pricked earlier than anybody outside of Wigan, Blackburn, Bolton and Fulham would have liked. The last eight games have yielded just one point and newly promoted Swansea and Norwich are leaving Rangers in their wake.

But QPR have Sparky Hughes and he is a winner. Of all the managers available, after O'Neil was snapped up by Sunderland, he was the best man for the job.

And QPR were unlucky at Newcastle, hitting the post twice before Newcastle scored. And unlucky against Norwich too with the sending off of Barton the Innocent. Sometime soon the luck will have to turn, albeit luck evened itself out in the cup game in Milton Keynes.

And Fernandes and Mittal have money and Fernandes has threatened to spend it.

And Hughes has a list of targets.

And Dyer may be fit in the summer.

And best of all, Bolton, Wigan and Blackburn are all shit. And Piquionne may join Wolves!

And there is a relegation six pointer against Wigan up next.

And best of all, QPR may sign Henrique. And if you have to go down, its always best to have a Brazilian in the Bush!

QPR target Samba demands move

So Samba has officially requested a transfer. That will cost him a slice of the transfer fee, but with his eyes set firmly on PSG, that won't trouble him too much as they have the money to give him a big golden handshake and a tasty salary into the bargain.

QPR fans will be hoping that the Hoops might yet plunder Samba from the team that sit one place above them in the table, but that seems unlikely on a number of counts. Firstly Samba has his heart set on a switch to Paris, secondly Spurs urgently need a centre half and offer much better career progression than relegation threatened Rangers, and thirdly, Blackburn will almost certainly refuse to sell their captain to prime relegation rivals. You just wouldn't do it would you?

Alex, of course, has also submitted a transfer request but that deal doesn't seem to have edged any closer to completion today. He is keen to leave Chelsea but not so keen, it seems, on joining Rangers.

Or maybe Fernandes is still refusing to offer the £4m Chelsea are looking for. In which case, he is buggering the gRs around. If he can't find £4m to fund a replacement for Gabbidon, you have to wonder at his commitment or genuine wealth. I'm not suggesting that he is poor here, but he may not be rich enough to chuck money down the toilet!

Write Down of Boleyn's Value

So we are still issuing accounts - not that they have proved to be terribly reliable in the past. For the layman, there is a veritable tangle of figures, some suggesting that things have improved financially, whilst others paint the opposite picture. Of course, the picture will only be clarified at the end of the season. If we remain in the Championship, there could be real trouble. If we have bounced straight back up, the "holiday" may have proved an astute way of forcing cost reductions.

What stands out for me as interesting is the way the value of the stadium and training ground have been written down from £75.6m to £73m. I expect this write down to continue all the way up to the move to the Olympic Stadium as I still believe this is where Sullivan and Gold expect to make their killing. How much are they valuing the Boleyn at exactly? And how much will it be worth when redeveloped?

We will probably only find that out when it is too late.

Swansea and Norwich show QPR the way!

You have to admire the Welsh and Norfolk minnows. Norwich's result at West Brom was impressive but Swansea's victory over Arsenal, after going a goal behind, was nothing short of fantastic. Who, outside of Wales, would have had money on the Swans beating the Gunners after giving them a goal start? The Game really is going crazy!

Glance at the table now and it is becoming increasingly difficult to see how either of the unfancied new boys can go down. Delia's dishes only need to find 10 more points to survive, and Swansea only need another 12. Meanwhile, last season's Champions of the Championship find themselves in the bottom three and deep in shit despite Fernandes' big talk about a new stadium, new players and a new training ground.

Talk big and you talk bollocks. When you are new to the Prem, the sensible thing to do is to avoid the limelight, to talk up the opposition and talk down your own chances publicly, whilst privately making your own players feel ten feet tall. QPR have done the opposite. Why fight for the club if the club is suggesting you are not really wanted and will be replaced at the first opportunity? Warnock would have done it differently, he would have developed a siege mentality, a David against the Goliaths ethos, but Fernandes wanted to play Billy Big Bollocks, just like Eggert did at West Ham, and so prickled the opposition, whilst leaving his own players looking over their shoulders anxiously.

Imagine how the heroes of last season felt when Barton and Wright-Phillips walked in on five times their salary. How can you foster a sense of team spirit when the newbies can buy a Porsche every week if they want to, whilst those who have battled to get the club into the Prem still operate on Championship wages and a bit?

To be fair, QPR were unlucky today, hitting the post twice before Newcastle scored but the Hughes bubble has been pricked already. Fail to beat Wigan and the bubble will be burst well and truly!

Relegation is now down to three from five in my opinion, although there is usually a team whose form collapses in the final third of the season. The trouble is, QPR are in a terrible trough of form, and they face a nightmare run of fixtures at the very time when relegation is decided. Even if there is money to spend, who will want to join the Hoops whilst they are in the bottom three?

Norwich and Swansea have been so much smarter than QPR - and whilst their fans have recognised the battle involved in staying in the Prem, the Cocky Rs have boasted for far too long about money bags Mittal and megamouth Fernandes.

Talk is cheap guys. As Norwich and Swansea are proving, in the Premiership, it's points that count!

What our subs bench tells us!

Faye, O'Neil, Baldock, Lansbury and Carew - all five would walk into the first team of 18 or 19 of the 24 teams in the Championship. Add to that lot Taylor, who was injured, and Demel too, and you have to concede that whilst utterly ill equipped to cope with the Prem, we have a pool of players who, with minimal guidance, should be able to walk their way to promotion.

But the strange one was the decision to start the game without a keeper on the bench. I know injuries to keepers are rare, but they do happen, and surely a replacement goalie was a more sensible alternative to either a second striker or a second midfielder.

So what does that tell us? That Allardyce has no confidence in Boffin perhaps? Remember when you lot fell over yourselves to hail him a genius after his first appearance for the club - after I was critical of his all round performance?

Here's two of the replies to my original verdict on Ruud:

Anonymous said...

Once again a pathetic attempt to court controversy - widely accepted as a great save, in the top three premiership saves of the week on Yahoo. Rather than enjoy it you shoot it (as per usual with anything positive about the club), down in flames. He is forth choice because he is 23, which in case you don't know is incredibly young for a keeper.Quote from a right wing rag that I am sure you subscribe to, the Daily Mail:
"Boffin was unlucky not to mark his debut with a clean sheet";

and from the Org's Wrongy:

Fanny, have u ever played a high level competative (sic) 11 a side game? Have u ever been a goalkeeper? It's very easy to blog when you have no experience in actual football, and i am not talking about your 5 a side on a wednesday (sic) night with the cronies followed by a ruby? Are you a GK boffin? If not, how can u ever try and comment on a new keeper to the Prem???

Check out the original post by following this link:

http://thegamesgonecrazy.blogspot.com/2010/12/where-are-all-goalkeeping-boffins.html

Maeda in Japan

So we have decided against Maeda then. There's a surprise, a player from the J League is not good enough to play in the Championship. Sullivan and Gold must be so disappointed that another cheap option hasn't satisfied Allardyce. Not tall enough apparently.

The search goes on. How about Thailand? Or Singapore? Or China? Hong Kong? Lots of cheap rubbish made in Hong Kong...

QPR Official Supporters Club Unveils New Logo

Daily Mail Taunts West Ham Fans

So it seems the story that Piquionne had signed for Wolves was all rubbish. Like a boomerang, bad rubbish comes back, even when you fly tip it on the forecourt of a Premiership club and say good riddance.

Still, he may yet explode in a rush of goals. He may have been warming up over the last 18 months. Who knows, he may be Hammer of the Year come the end of the season. And how happy would we be then that the Mail was taking the piss out of us? He who laughs last laughs longest and all that. And hyenas laugh longer over a cadaver than wolves!

Beard lets the cat out of the QPR bag.

Responding to suggestions that Barton may be on his way out, Beard - who is suddenly the club's mouthpiece with Fernandes fading into the background - said: "We are not a selling club. We're in the market to buy ONE or TWO players. We're talking to several clubs about options, so I'm cautiously optimistic that we can strengthen the squad."

Oops. So how does that fit with newspaper claims about five or six players coming in, and suggestions that there is a transfer war chest of somewhere between £15m and £30m? QPR haven't even matched Chelsea's £4m asking price for Alex yet. I have said that Rs fans will be lucky if £5m is shelled out this window and with Fulham terming the offer for Johnson derisory and rumours of a £3m offer for Pienaar rejected, it may be that I am a million out, given £3m was offered for Alex.

Note the words "cautiously optimistic". Beard is talking down expectations, pouring luke warm water on the fires fuelled by Fernandes. That's why the Malaysian has suddenly lost his voice. And gRs might note that he has already hinted that he may walk away from the club, when he tweeted that he would go if the club failed.

Worrying times if you are a gR. The blue and white hooped ship has hit the rocks, are in the bottom three and are listing badly. Captain Barton is even rumoured to be abandoning the ship early. Still Newcastle field a weakened team today and there is a big six pointer coming up against Wigan. It's a shame the new signings aren't already in the team isn't it?

QPR News: Warnock explains disastrous start to new career

After piloting the Costa Lotta onto rocks, former QPR manager Neil Warnock raged: "Those rocks were a mile offside. I'm not having that, I'm not having that at all. People will turn around and say this was my fault. I could lose my job over this. But if you can't defend against set pieces - and let's face it, rocks are not in open play - what chance do you stand?"

He continued: "People forget what I'd done up until that point. When I took over, the high seas were just a dream. We were in port. I steered us out of port. I steered us through choppy waters. I got us to where we were and you have to admit that hitting those rocks was unlucky. It could happen to anybody. All I need is more time. I have the backing of the owners. The owners have been brilliant so far. And the crew are behind me. And the passengers love me. And..."

Allardyce in for Doncaster's Billy Sharp and El Hadji Diouf

With the Rhodes bid coming to a dead end and Sharp rejecting Leicester, expect Allardyce to swoop for Billy Boy and to take Hell Hadji too, now the spitting demon has achieved full match fitness with Doncaster.

Sharp will offer the promise of goals and is available at a price that will enable Allardyce to offload him in the summer after promotion is achieved. Diouf, meanwhile, has yet to sign for Doncaster and would jump at the chance of a contract until the end of the season and the opportunity to prove himself worthy of an extended deal, and another stab at the Premiership; and he would provide an attacking alternative to Taylor for the left flank.

The purists won't like it, but Doctor Evil won't care about that! Both Sharp and Diouf will suit his pragmatic agenda perfectly, and leave him with money to spare to add a younger, more exciting striker if one can be sourced.

It's all going PEARson shaped at Leicester!

Oh dear, what a shame. After sacking Sven and poaching Pearson, it's all gone tits up in the Walkers Stadium, with Leicester now a full FIFTEEN points adrift of an automatic promotion place. It is now one win in eight games, and Leicester fans must be looking back on the Sven era wistfully.

What flavour Walkers crisps could we invent to sum up this season of misery? Smörgåsbord and Pear? Shit and Shitter? Fox and Trash?

I admit I was worried after the victory at Selhurst Park. Surely this was the start of the Leicester promotion charge! Then along came Barnsley! Listen to Pearson and you would have no idea that Leicester started the season as favourites to win the division as he lamented "They were better than us and that maybe shows us where we are as a club."

Well yes it does. Leicester are now in FIFTEENTH place, closer in points to the bottom three than to the top two. That is a shocking indictment. Tigers fans could be laughing all the way to the playoffs!

Allardyce's Tactics Explained!

All is explained! Those of us wondering why we were not more positive after the sending off now have our answer. Quoted on the Official Site, Doctor Evil explains, "Then, of course, the game changed completely when WE went down to ten men".

So, there you have it, poor Sam was confused! He thought WE were a man short! It's probably because Nolan was absent without leave on the pitch again. Allardyce saw the red card, then counted the West Ham players trying to get on the ball and put in challenges and could only count ten!

I understand where he was coming from. Against Reading, I couldn't remember who our tenth player was after the sending off of O'Brien. It was only when Nolan touched the ball ten minutes later that I remembered he was on the pitch!

I take back all my criticism. Allardyce set out his stall as if we were a man short; so that explains everything!

QPR sink into bottom 3 under Hughes!

Bring back Warnock! Sack him and what happens? QPR slip into the bottom three for the first time since the opening day thumping against relegation rivals Bolton Walkabouts.

The gRs will tell us that it will all be OK when Tevez, Alex, Johnson, Pienaar, Samba and co join, but who will believe in the Fernandes revolution when the Hoops are in the bottom three, up to their noses in the Bush?

This morning gRs were telling me that Alex had already signed, but now it transpires that Fernandes still hasn't matched Chelsea's modest asking price for the much needed centre back. Why for pity's sake? QPR's situation is desperate and AVB is just as desperate to off load the moody Brazilian. So if Fernandes has so much money and is so committed to keeping QPR up, why is he quibbling over the odd million? Surely it would have been better to meet the asking price on Wednesday, complete the signing and have Alex in the team at Newcastle on Sunday?

And doesn't the same apply to Johnson? Again, why did Fulham term the figure offered "derisory"? So derisory in fact that Jol said he would rather give away the former Toffee at the end of the season than part with him at the figure QPR were offering!

But Fernandes is ready to splash the cash isn't he? QPR are a big club now aren't they? So what the hell is going on?

You tell me gRs. Ever since I started flagging that Fernandes was not all he was claiming to be, you guys have been calling me an idiot. I have said I will admit to being wrong if anything more than £5m and moths comes out of the Malaysian's wallet before the end of January, but thus far, all we have heard is intent - and intent means nothing if nothing materialises.

But why would Hughes take the job if there isn't a transfer war chest? Well it's his way back into management and he can always walk away in May claiming Fernandes did not keep his promises. What did he say when he walked out on Fulham?

Portsmouth 0 West Ham 1 - 3 points but another utterly uninspired performance

We are joint top! It's another three points! Allardyce is a genius!

Alternatively, our only goal was from the penalty spot, Portsmouth played most of the second half with 10 men, and the shots on goal count stood at 9 to 2 in Portsmouth's favour over the 90 minutes - and one of our 2 was from the penalty spot! Overall, Portsmouth had 13 shots to our 10 and 7 corners to our 3. What does that tell you?

Once again we were somewhere between mediocre and dire when we had the ball. But is that surprising when you start with one man up front and have a midfield of Diop, Noble, Nolan, Collison and Faubert? Even against 10 very average Pompey players, how is that midfield going to open up an opposition? And with Cole up front, is it any surprise that the team, once again, and for the eighth game in succession, failed to score more than a single goal in a game?

Some on here are already crowing about the victory and claiming this result vindicates Allardyce and puts us back on course. Cobblers! Southampton showed what you should do when you are a goal ahead and the opposition go down to 10 men, you step up your game and bang in another two. But not Allardyce. He keeps it compact, plays for the 1-0 and betrays everything our club has ever stood for in the process.

What a waste of money travelling to Pompey to watch that! True I didn't get a parking ticket like I got at Reading and true it felt better to drive home with 3 points in the bag, rather than after a 3 goal tonking, but apart from that, dear God, it was dire. True we passed the ball on the floor better than Pompey even when they had 11 players on the pitch, but where is the flair? Where is the inspiration? Where is the imagination? Where is the pace? Where is the joy, the entertainment, the sense of adventure?

What a relief that Allardyce has signed a defensive lump on loan, that's just what this team is crying out for! To hell with scoring goals, if we can keep the opposition down to a goal or less, we will collect more points than we lose. And that's it. That's what West Ham United has been debased to. It is pitiful, embarrassing, shameful. And for one, I would rather be in the chasing pack playing FOOTBALL than in the top 2 stopping opponents from playing. One Nil to the Claret and Blue is not a chant I want adopted!

So yes we won against 10 man Portsmouth. Big bloody deal. And yes we are joint top of a piss poor division. Big bloody deal. If anybody is excited by today's performance, then they have no sense of what our club stands for, no sense of our heritage, no understanding of the philosophy of Greenwood and Lyall.

So glory in the three points, glory in mediocrity, glory in a betrayal of values, glory in becoming West Ham Wanderers. But don't expect me to trumpet us after a 1-0 victory against 10 mediocre players. The problems persist despite today's victory.

Player Ratings: Green 6, O'Brien 6, Tomkins 6, Reid 6, McCartney 6, Diop 6, Noble 6, Collison 6, Nolan 6, Faubert 6, Cole 6  Yawn!

No Excuses Today at Portsmouth - But the OS is making them!

So, Allardyce almost has a full squad to choose from for the game at Portsmouth. Only Taylor and Demel are ruled out by injury, and all the key players should be fresh after a two week break. If we don't win today, the Allardyce bubble will be well and truly burst. He has a squad of 20 players, most of whom have experience in the Prem, and many of whom Doctor Evil brought to the club. Anything less than a victory will be a kick in the solar plexus of Allardyce's reputation.

But the OS is making excuses already, warning us all that Pompey are on a "fantastic run of form at home" with five wins and two draws. But check out who they have beaten on that run! The might of Barnsley, Doncaster, Forest, Coventry and Watford! Big bloody deal! The two draws, to be fair, were against Southampton and Leicester, but neither have been setting the world on fire of late have they?

This is a big, big game. Another disappointing performance will set the seal on our demise. We are struggling and the pack are closing up, even though they are all no better than average. It's time for Allardyce to prove himself. We need to win today. He has a big squad to pick from. If he hasn't got a replacement for Taylor, that's his fault - he's had more than enough time to source one. So, let's see if Allardyce is all he reckons himself to be, or if he is just another Avram, but with a tad more belligerence.

Wolves baying as Piquionne targets third consecutive relegation!

Is it true? The Daily Mail, in a very short report, have announced that Freddie the Fly Tipper has been dumped in Wolverhampton. Apparently, Allardyce pulled up in the middle of the night, opened his boot, and left a rolled up carpet at the gates of Molineux, with Freddie thinking about kicking inside.

Wolves fans are understandably concerned. Piquionne has led the attack for two relegations on the trot now, and with Wolves sitting just above the drop, must stand a good chance of making it a hat-trick of consecutive relegations from the Premiership - surely a record!

Still, Freddie should fit in perfectly in Wolverhampton. The whole place is a dump so he can leave his refuse where ever he fancies without any risk of prosecution.

Only Fools...

Dear God, could they look any more like Del Boy, Uncle Albert and Marlene in that picture? Olympic Stadium? Menage a trois! Lovely jubbly! He who dares wins! This time next year we'll be billionaires! Mange toute. Mange toute.

Note the way they are getting a feel for the astroturf guys!

QPR Pienaared off and running out of options.

Another day, another fruitless bid. Yesterday it was Samba, today Pienaar, tomorrow Alex. Not surprisingly, players are reluctant to join QPR in 17th place in the Premiership, and clubs are not happy to deal on the basis of QPR signing now and paying later.

The latest rumour centres are Muntari who, it seems, may join the Hoops on loan. It's not exactly Tevez, but he could do a job, if there is any truth in the rumour. And, of course, there wouldn't be a transfer fee involved!

Rs fans are feeding off of the excitement of window shopping at the moment. We could have a Pienaar, an Alex, a Samba and a Tevez. Well we can all dream as we walk around a Porshe showroom can't we? But when it comes to having the funds...well that's another matter.

Mind you Beard did say to expect nothing to happen for a couple of weeks, so who knows? The trouble is, with clubs obliged to operate with maximum squad sizes of 25, there aren't a lot of surplus players sloshing around. Even the deal to sign the distinctly average Onuoha looks to be on hold due to the suspension of Kompany.

And that's why 'Arry won't let Pienaar go - he knows that qualification for the Champions League is worth far more than QPR can afford to play for the former Toffee. 'Arry may only have started the South African 5 times so far, but that doesn't mean he won't get more game time before the season ends as key matches come thick and fast just as muscles and joints begin to ache.

Of course, the situation is complicated by the Africa Cup of Nations. A huge chunk of players are both off the market and out of the reckoning for selection, making clubs even more reluctant to trim their squads still further.

All of which means that Fernandes can show intent without much chance of having to sign a cheque. But window shopping can be fun, can't it?

No Taylor, No Left Flank

So Allardyce has signed a big lump for the back, and is offering to buy any striker with more than five goals to his name, but the most glaring hole in the team is still being ignored. When Taylor is fit we have balance on the left but when he is injured - and when isn't he? - who do we have to play there? Answer: nobody.

It is a ridiculous situation but nothing is being done about it.

So who plays wide left at Portsmouth? Probably Baldock and that is a ridiculous waste of the boy's ability. Get your finger out Allardyce!