West Ham 1 Middlesbrough 1 - Now there's a Surprise!

(For full match report follow this link http://thegamesgonecrazy.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/west-ham-1-middlesbrough-1-allardyce.html )

So that had to be the safest bet of the season. Absolutely nailed on. Another 45 minutes without a goal and, to be honest, without much sign of a goal apart from what looked to be a pretty good penalty claim from where I'm sitting. Did Master Bates intercept Tomkins' goal bound effort with his arm or chest? If it made any contact with his arm then it should have been a pen AND a red card!

We have dominated possession but the delivery into the box is still woeful. How many long, straight balls have just been stood up for Cole and Maynard to try to take? It's won a few free kicks close-ish to the Boro box, but apart from that, nothing has been achieved. But then free kicks are probably the object as Allardyce goes for second phase ball. Mind you, there's not much point in winning free kicks in dangerous areas if you let Noble take them! We have Taylor and Maynard in the team for fcuk's sake! I can remember Noble scoring from one free kick a couple of seasons back but I can remember him failing from a hell of a lot more!

The long ball lump and second phase ball option apart, we have seen a succession of high crosses into the box aimed at nobody in particular but satisfying Allardyce's statistical demands to "get it into the box as often as possible", playing the law of averages that sooner or later it will fall to a West Ham player. The trouble is, the delivery is awful and there's hardly any players in the box to find in any case. O'Brien did well from the right but his cross was too close to the keeper but Taylor's and McCartney's crosses have been poor - and 85% of our attacks are going down the left.

McCartney has had a grubber of a shot from outside the box and Cole and Noble have both cleared the crossbar, Cole after turning inside the defender well. And Maynard let fly from outside the box, hitting the target but straight down the throat of the keeper. But Steele hasn't been seriously tested yet has he?

We are basically playing like a desperate team, needing to score in the last ten minutes of the final game of the season. There's commitment in spade loads, but no guile, no composure, no control. And when Boro break, we look stretched. This could be 0-1!

Cole & Maynard Start!

So presumably Nolan is pulling wide right! Talk about jigsaw pieces not fitting!

Looks like we set up:

Green

O'Brien, Faye, Collins, McCartney

Tomkins

Nolan, Noble, Taylor

Cole, Maynard

Bench: Collison, Morrison, Lansbury, Baldock, Carew

So what advice did Allardyce give Maynard?

Grow a foot taller probably!

Liverpool's Dalglish Speaks Good Sense About Muamba ahead of QPR game

It's very pleasing to hear that Muamba seems to be on the road to recovery. I have avoided talking about the affair up to now, considering it in bad taste to do so until it was clear which way it would all go, but with Muamba talking to members of his family, it seems that his brain and heart are both functioning and, to be honest, I feared that his body would recover but his oxygen starved brain wouldn't. All good news so far though and fingers crossed - I can't pray to a God I don't believe in - that he continues on the mend.

Sadly, some of the reactions have been predictably hysterical and distastefully emotive. I had to screen one "joke" left on comments, but these idiots abound in the modern world. More of a concern is the reaction of Mancini who, in typical knee jerk fashion, has called for increased screening of all footballers. What tosh! A cardiologist on TV said that screening can't pick up on all heart defects and Muamba has had four scans to prove the point!

Dalglish has talked good sense on this subject, however, claiming that the current screening procedures are acceptable and terming Muamba "unlucky". Spot on. Shit happens in life and whilst it was awful for Muamba to collapse on the field of play in front of 36,000 spectators, we shouldn't forget that people - ordinary people - die of cardiac arrests every day. I am not screened twice a year - which is what Mancini is calling for - and I am much more likely to topple over and die from a heart problem than a fit and young footballer. I do have a heart complaint actually, picked up when I was 40, but I do not have twice yearly screenings because it would be too expensive for the NHS.

So it is now time to put the Muamba affair into perspective. Play enough games of football and, sooner or later, somebody will die on the pitch. It happened to ex Hammer Foe of course. But just because shit happens, it doesn't mean you have to over react.

89,174 people died from heart disease in 2006. Muamba was lucky. The medical attention he received was prompt, a cardiac specialist was at the ground and he was moved to a unit specialising in the complaint. Had he died it would have been awful, but no more awful than for all those who do die of whatever complaint every year.

I wish Fabrice well but let's please keep the response proportional. It's all very well for money bags Man City to fund massive screening programmes but what about the Yeovils and Dagenhams of the football world? Life goes on, and sometimes doesn't. That's life and death. Get well soon Fabrice but let's move on regardless.

QPR's Hughes Inadvertently Cracks Great Kieron Dyer Joke!

It's the way he tells them! Speaking about the prospect of offering Dyer a new contract - after a scintillating seven minutes of action in his first season for the Hoops - Hughes said:

“We are hoping he will be fit and ready for pre-season and has the chance to make the 25-man squad.”

Somebody tell him that Dyer is always fit and ready for pre season, it's when the real games get underway that the problems start!

Where will Fernandes be in QPR's make or break week?

They don't come bigger than this week. Rangers have a fantastic chance of picking up three points against a tired Liverpool team, who are asked to take to the field just days after a typical rumbustious affair against Stoke. QPR have been resting up and go into the game fresh: if they can't pick up three points from this one then the trap door to the Championship really will yawn wide!

Then it's Sunderland away, ahead of an FA Cup quarter final replay for the Black Cats! Fate has dealt Mark Hughes a kind hand here, and if he plays it badly, he should be sacked on the spot! Rangers should be targeting 4 points!

But where will Tony Fernandes be? Where do you think given it's the Malaysian Grand Prix on Sunday? Come on, a guy has to get his priorities right!

Gold Thinks We Will Start Winning Soon

Brilliant! I'm not sure what he is basing that on! Perhaps Middlesbrough losing 3-0 at Birmingham. Maybe our illustrious owner is figuring that Boro are so shit than even Allardyce's team could beat them. Maybe.

But if we are honest, this is more an act of faith than an expression of judgement. We have struggled to beat teams in the bottom half of the table with lousy defensive records, so form lines suggest that we are going to find it difficult to overcome teams with much better records.

Allardyce is pleased with the performance on Saturday so that suggests more of the same. No surprise there then! I expect they have been practising hoof ball all day! Any chance of 4-4-2? No chance, Nolan can't play 4-4-2 and with Tomkins injured, we don't have a holding midfielder.

So will it be Cole or Maynard up front? Does it matter? Dear God, I could line up at the back for Boro without too many problems. Even if, by accident, the ball reaches our lone striker, it's odds on he won't score anyway!

So would somebody please Twatter Gold and ask him how he thinks we will win exactly? His answer could be very amusing!

A Travelling Season Ticket Holder's Verdict: Not Good Enough!

(Left as a comment)

I was at the game and it was a pitiful sight in the first half, seeing Maynard being left out to dry up front on his own - how can such team selection pass even a simple test of intent? Little Maynard is six inches shorter than the guy towering over him, just waiting for the long ball up to him - no chance and a complete waste of time. The difference when Cole came on was remarkable - he is a master at that part of his game - pity he's lost the touch to score. I have to say also that Nolan is a mystery to me - just doesn't seem to provide us anything in midfield - and yet Noble also seems to be unable to play his more decisive passing when Nolan is in the team. Looking at the games we had when he was suspended - I would have to agree that it might be better to try the team on a 4x4x2 without Nolan.


I am a long serving season ticket holder - I really worry about the tactics that Big Sam has used recently, if he wants automatic promotion he has to set up more positively. What is the point of being told he has the best squad in the division and yet doesn't seem to know his best team and set up yet: with 10 games to go !! Even if we win our game in hand - we stay in the play-off positions and this is not what we were told to expect from Big Sam only a few weeks ago.

The prospect of the play-offs with Cardiff, Birmingham, Middlesborough, Brighton or similar is a frightening prospect when you look at our form over the last three games. I am fed up with being told that the fans should be more supportive or not to voice our concerns; this is a results game and we are not getting them and haven't looked good since Nolan came back.

I just hope that the players get given the chance to play in a way that gives them an opportunity to go out and win the games we have left - not more of that negative rubbish I had to watch at Leeds. It cost about £200 to go and see the Leeds game, and we deserve to see a good performance or at least good application - I saw neither. But there were still 5000 of us moaning supporters there and I can assure Big Sam that I may not be one of those that actually moans or boos at the end of the game - but I DO FEEL let down and unhappy - as most of the fans at that game were!

It is not a minority that are pissed off with the tactics and the lack of positive intent revealed by the team selection - and Big Sam had best understand that. Surely even he could see the 'long ball' crap being sent into little Maynard. He was watching the same game presumably?

Neil Warnock reveals early onset of Altzheimers!

Bless! Leeds manager Neil Warnock is losing his memory.Talking with his usual control, coherency, and objectivity, Warnock bumbled, "I can't ask any more, they've given me everything."

"I said to the referee: 'When you watch Carlton Cole blatantly push Darren O'Dea over, you've got to see that. O'Dea was going to head the ball and then you're left with Collins against Paul Robinson and Robert Snodgrass. He said he was concentrating on the line, but he's got to see that. He's headed the ball from where the foul was."

"But West Ham wouldn't have conceded a goal like that. They would have grabbed each other by the shirt and made sure they didn't."

"Since I've been here we should have won four out of five. We dominated Southampton and should have won today. We've dominated two of the best sides in the league and got one point."

"You've got to win games like that, I can't remember ever being this disappointed. I probably have, but I can't remember."

Can't remember ever being that disappointed? Somebody whisper the name of Tevez to him!

Mark Hughes Hits On Plan For QPR's Survival

That's it then. Mark Hughes has worked out how to keep QPR in the Prem: don't play!

With Blackburn, Bolton and QPR all without Premiership games this weekend, the plight of the two teams in action deepened. It's true that Wigan picked up a point but they mullered West Brom in the first half and could still only draw the game. That was two vital, vital points lost and means that Wigan are still only level on points with the Hoops and behind them on goal difference.

As for Wolves well...I'm beginning to think their new manager isn't Terry Connor but rather Tom O'Connor in Black & White Minstrels garb. What a disaster! It will be a miracle if McCarthy's Old Golds survive now, even though they are level on points with Rangers too. I know it was Man Utd and I know they had a player sent off but to lose 5-0 at home...!

Hughes should ask the Premier League to void the remainder of Rangers' fixtures, awarding the opposition 3-0 victories. The way their rivals are playing they could stay up on goal difference ... except, of course, they need a point just to draw level with Bolton and two to catch Blackburn.

Doh! Another great Mark Hughes plan bites the dust!

Allardyce Sees The Positives & Dismisses Reading

Speaking after the salvaged point at Leeds, Allardyce was in bullish mood, telling journalists:

"We are third in the table and at this stage of the season you have to be pleased with that. I took over a team that finished bottom of the table last season so being third from top has to be seen as outstanding progress. I've also had a huge turnover of players during that time so I don't think anybody can be surprised that we are still trying to fit the parts of the team together. Bolton wasn't built in a day."

"We have to be pleased with the goal we scored too. We work hard on set pieces and it's always good to see one end up in the onion bag. We are also pleased with the number of times we got the ball into the opposition's penalty box. We word hard on that too. Over the summer, when we have the time, we will also be working on getting one or two of our players into the box at the same time as the ball."

"It's disappointing that Reading and Southampton won again but that's not in our control is it? I was pleased Reading scored four in the one game actually. That was a waste and unnecessary. As it turned out one would have been enough so what's the point in netting another three? We talk a lot on the training field about doing what's necessary. Reading could regret using up four goals in the one game if the next match ends up 0-0 or 1-1. Like we did after the Blackpool game. I warned the boys after that game that I didn't want us scoring unnecessary goals again. Every one should count. Goals are precious in football and shouldn't be chucked around like confetti at a wedding. If Reading are going to be that profligate, I can't see them staying the course."

"Of course we would have liked a win ourselves but at the end of the day you have to be pleased with a point and with keeping Leeds down to one goal. We lost James Tomkins at half time and that was a big blow and we were without Vaz Te and a couple of others too. Injuries take their toll."

"So in the circumstances it was a brilliant result, the best result of the day in the division after you take everything into account. We are unbeaten in eight now. You have to be pleased with that and if we can remain unbeaten between now and the end of the season you'd have to call that success, no matter where we finish in the table. I took over a team that didn't know how to win a game and I've built a team that doesn't know how to lose. I think we have to be very pleased with that, very pleased indeed."

Sitting in third looking up the skirts of Reading and Southampton - The Nightmare Scenario!

Yes we drew and there's no shame in a point at Elland Road, especially with our record against Leeds, but just as I warned before kick off, so much hinged on this round of fixtures. Our game was the toughest of the three it is true, but the trouble is, both Southampton and Reading sent out massive statements of intent today, whilst we just stumbled along as before. The Saints showed amazing spirit to come from behind twice away to Millwall, whilst Reading's result at Barnsley was frightening. Both of our rivals drilled in goals for fun and yet again, we needed a set piece to get on the score sheet.

I didn't see the game so I will simply quote from Radio London's commentary. It was very illuminating because it echoed everything I have been saying all season!

Here are the key soundbites.

"Nicky Maynard has looked pretty ineffective so far. Not that I blame him because the supply has been pretty awful. Maynard works better for me with a big man alongside him."

"I don't like how narrow West Ham are. They've got five in the middle of the park and you can literally throw a blanket over them. You can't play that way."

"If you're going to play one man up front and narrow, your full backs have got to be flying machines. And West Ham's full backs are playing more defensive minded."

"When you look at West Ham's midfield, there's too much of a muchness...there's too many players the same doing the same thing. That's why they don't create anything."

"The only way West Ham are going to score is from a set piece".

"Warnock is going for it far more than Allardyce".

"It's just too hopeful. You might as well keep the ball rather than keep lumping it in."

With the introduction of Morrison: "I don't see how the youngster can influence the game with just nine minutes to go."

When Leeds scored. "Unmarked for the third ball in a row."

"I don't think West Ham set up positively enough to win the game."

"It was Warnock who took positive steps to get a result".

"To be fair to the full backs you would have had to have a radar to pick out one of your forwards today."

"I wonder how the West Ham fans feel about the lack of positive intent. I don't understand one man up front, particularly Maynard."

"It's Gary O'Neil, he's got players inside the penalty box. Ooh dear, looped cross."

Allardyce will talk about a good point and a great fighting spirit and bemoan injuries, missed chances and say you can't give away soft goals, but he won't address the real issues - his shit team selection, his shit tactics, his own negative mentality which infects the players and the total lack of quality in the team - because of his shit recruitment policy.

There's still no balance in the team. There's still no width. There's still no goal scoring threat other than from set pieces.  Once again, Allardyce shuffled his forward pack and once again failed to pair either Maynard or Baldock with Cole. Why? Because he has to accommodate Nolan. But the team doesn't dominate when Nolan plays. We pinch goals, we pinch points, we even pinch the odd win, but we don't steamroller teams like Southampton and Reading. And we play Boro and Reading at home shortly, with both looking to contain and hit us on the counter. Tell me, who is going to unlock their defences?

It's now eight wins from nine for Reading. What did I say about the Theory of Momentum this morning?

Second Half? Let's Call The Whole Thing Off!

Half time and the scores read:

Millwall 2 Southampton 1

Leeds 0 West Ham 0

Barnsley 0 Reading 0

That would have done me. If only we could have called the whole thing off! Yes we drew and there's no shame in a point at Elland Road, especially with our record against Leeds, but just as I warned before kick off, so much hinged on this round of fixtures. Our game was the toughest of the three it is true, but the trouble is, both Southampton and Reading sent out massive statements of intent today, whilst we just stumbled along as before. The Saints showed amazing spirit to come from behind twice away to Millwall, whilst Reading's result at Barnsley was frightening. Both of our rivals drilled in goals for fun and yet again, we needed a set piece to get on the score sheet.


I didn't see the game so I will simply quote from Radio London's commentary. It was very illuminating because it echoed everything I have been saying all season!

Here are the key soundbites.

"Nicky Maynard has looked pretty ineffective so far. Not that I blame him because the supply has been pretty awful. Maynard works better for me with a big man alongside him."

"I don't like how narrow West Ham are. They've got five in the middle of the park and you can literally throw a blanket over them. You can't play that way."

"If you're going to play one man up front and narrow, your full backs have got to be flying machines. And West Ham's full backs are playing more defensive minded."

"When you look at West Ham's midfield, there's too much of a muchness...there's too many players the same doing the same thing. That's why they don't create anything."

"The only way West Ham are going to score is from a set piece".

"Warnock is going for it far more than Allardyce".

"It's just too hopeful. You might as well keep the ball rather than keep lumping it in."

With the introduction of Morrison: "I don't see how the youngster can influence the game with just nine minutes to go."

When Leeds scored. "Unmarked for the third ball in a row."

"I don't think West Ham set up positively enough to win the game."

"It was Warnock who took positive steps to get a result".

"To be fair to the full backs you would have had to have a radar to pick out one of your forwards today."

"I wonder how the West Ham fans feel about the lack of positive intent. I don't understand one man up front, particularly Maynard."

"It's Gary O'Neil, he's got players inside the penalty box. Ooh dear, looped cross."

Allardyce will talk about a good point and a great fighting spirit and bemoan injuries, missed chances and say you can't give away soft goals, but he won't address the real issues - his shit team selection, his shit tactics, his own negative mentality which infects the players and the total lack of quality in the team - because of his shit recruitment policy.

There's still no balance in the team. There's still no width. There's still no goal scoring threat other than from set pieces. Once again, Allardyce shuffled his forward pack and once again failed to pair either Maynard or Baldock with Cole. Why? Because he has to accommodate Nolan. But the team doesn't dominate when Nolan plays. We pinch goals, we pinch points, we even pinch the odd win, but we don't steamroller teams like Southampton and Reading. And we play Boro and Reading at home shortly, with both looking to contain and hit us on the counter. Tell me, who is going to unlock their defences?

It's now eight wins from nine for Reading. What did I say about the Theory of Momentum this morning?

The Biggest Day of the Season for West Ham, Reading and Southampton

This is it. This really is the big one. This is the Championship equivalent of the Mother of all Battles, the rumble in the jungle and the Battle of the Bulge. Results in Leeds, Barnsley and Millwall will go a long way to deciding which two clubs will gain automatic promotion and which of West Ham, Reading and Southampton will be consigned to the playoff - and condemned to another season in the second tier of English football.

Of course, there's only nine points at stake and the blinkered will say that one round of fixtures can't be that important, but the blinkered really don't understand psychology and theories of momentum.Want to know why a helicopter defies gravity, simply apply

P = The square root of (T cubed over 2pA)

where P is power, T is thrust, p is the density of air and A is the area of the rotor disc.

Apply that back to football and P = Promotion, T is the thrust obtained from today's results, d is the density at the top of the table - the bigger the points gap the lower the density - and A is the anxiety of the players.

Reading and Southampton will both see today as the opportunity to establish clear claret and blue air between themselves and Doctor Evil's motley crew. Just three weeks back, after our victory at Blackpool, promotion looked nailed on and Reading and Southampton found themselves competing for the second automatic promotion place. Now, without losing, we are trailing and the Saints and Royals are in the box seat. Our game in hand means that we remain in the mix, but should we lose today and Reading and Southampton both win, that buffer will disappear and we will definitely be trailing in our rivals' wake. The effect, psychologically, on West Ham could be devastating.

Meanwhile, Reading are vulnerable today. Eight straight wins meant that they cut through the pack below us, pulling into the rarefied air at the top of the table and dissipating all anxiety. However, the draw at Doncaster may just have resowed seeds of doubt, the anxiety may have suddenly ratcheted up and Reading now find themselves in the clouds rather than hovering in the thinner air just beneath. When a helicopter loses power it plummets, and should Reading lose today, the rest of the season could be a bit of a mess. Like ourselves, they have won too many games by a tight margin and have rode their luck. If that luck runs out, the reality of gravity may well take over. That said, if they win and we lose, Reading will find themselves in a thermal and there may be no stopping them.

And as for Southampton, should they win and both their rivals lose, they will find themselves in Heaven upsides of Saint Patrick, whose day it is today. We desperately need the Millwall mongrels to savage them today and should they do so, and we end up gaining promotion at the expense of Southampton, then somebody should fly a plane over the New Den at the end of the season trailing a banner reading "Kenny Jackett, West Ham Hero!"

The gap could be intimidating tonight or non existent. Unfortunately, we have by far the hardest game of the three. If we win at Leeds, the thrust effect will be huge. If we lose and our rivals win, we will find ourselves flying in a dense, turbulent storm cloud, and I really don't fancy Allardyce as our pilot in those conditions.

QPR CEO Admits It's Sell Or Bust If Relegated

So the Hula Hoops are coming off big time in the Bush. Not only do the club face relegation, Chief Executive Phillip Beard has admitted that players will have to be sold should QPR go down.

This represents an amazing turn around. It was only a couple of weeks ago that Beard and Fernandes were insisting that the project would not be derailed by relegation. Dropping into the Championship was only going to be a blip, QPR would still relocate to a new stadium, move to the next level, challenge at the top end of the Prem...blah, blah, blah.

And the poor Rs swallowed the bullshit, just like West Ham fans swallowed our CEO Duxbury's bullshit. Back then I used this blog to serve notice that Duxbury was spinning faster and harder than a gyroscope in a tumble dryer, but West Ham fans wouldn't have it. I was a traitor, a fool, a liar, a cnut, a fcuking idiot. The trouble is, I was right.

And history is repeating itself in the Bush. From the off I warned that Fernandes might be a conman, selling a line to gullible Rs. I warned that the promises would come to nothing, that the talk of a new stadium was a distraction, that the £20m transfer war chest was cobblers. But like the gullible West Ham fans, the gRs wouldn't have it! There was no way that QPR would struggle! There was no way that Ferdnades was bullshitting! I was a fool, a liar, a cnut, a fcuking idiot. Except, once again, it looks like I was right!

I don't expect any apologies. Football fans are passionate. Blinkered to the point of blindness, but passionate. And I am genuinely sad that QPR are possibly being shafted by Fernandes, a guy who claimed to have stood on the terraces watching the great Stan Bowles three seasons after the master gambler played his last game for the club. That might have been a clue to Tony's insincerity of course, as I pointed out at the time, but the gRs had their heads forced so far up their own arses that they couldn't see it.

Beard, meanwhile, is presuming that Barton, Wright-Phillips and co will command a fee. But QPR signed Joey and SWP for a reason - nobody else wanted them! And that was before their frailties were fully exposed by Warnock and Hughes. Tell me, who would want them now? And that's before you take their absurd salaries into account.

It's a mess in the Bush and there's more shit to hit the fan yet. I fear QPR could be the new Pompey, with Fernandes pissing off back to Malaysia, pocketing the parachute payment to offset his initial investment and saddling the club with crippling debts and an unsustainable wage bill.

I hope I'm wrong, but if I'm not, I'm afraid I will tell you I told you so. And thus far, I've been pretty much spot on as far as QPR are concerned haven't I?

Where now for West Ham's Ruud Boy?

With the signing of Stephen Henderson, the future doesn't look bright for reserve keeper Ruud Boffin. When he made his erratic debut, West Ham fans fell over themselves to hail him a hero and a great prospect, but I argued otherwise. Back in 2010 I wrote:

"Boffin made one good save from a Pedersen free kick. It wasn't that testing because the Boffmeister manager to catch it two handed. It was a great showboating save, with the Belgian leaping like the proverbial salmon, but Pedersen clearly did not catch it right, otherwise catching it would have been the last thing in Boff's mind.


From another free kick, absurdly conceded by Gabbidon, Boffin took up a terrible position. Pedersen hit that one too well, getting great pace on the ball but insufficient bend. The ball zipped wide of the far post but had it been on target, the Boff's despairing right hand would have been a good yard away from the ball. One of Green's weaknesses is his positioning for direct free kicks and Boffin, despite his name, does not seem to have been reading the text books either.

Green's biggest weakness is when the ball is crossed into the box, but the Boffmeister made Robbie look like a master. He came for three crosses, missed two and flapped at one, failing to clear the box with his punch. The goal came from a cross into our six yard box and Boffin remained rooted to his line. True he saved the first effort but surely he should have taken the cross in the first place or punched it clear. One poster is trying to blame Ben Haim for the goal but Boffin could have dealt with the cross, and Barrera should not have lost possession trying to dribble from the corner flag, which created the opportunity for the cross in the first place.

Green is also a poor kicker and so is Boff. He has an "interesting" style when kicking from hand, kicking flat with a weird twisted body action, and seems to have little control over where the ball is heading. One kick went, at pace, directly into touch about 15 yards from our box!

But Boff's starring moment was when he dawdled on the ball and was forced to dribble round Benjani. He pulled it off - just, because Benjani so nearly blocked the clearance with a sliding tackle - but he really shouldn't have put himself in the position in the first place!

I rated the guy 4 and I reckon that was about right based on the evidence. Had Green played like that, the critics would have had a field day! But Boffin looks unusual, is a character and has a great name for the headline writers. In a drab match, he was solid gold for the sub editors tasked with producing an interesting sounding report.

But did he really play well? Ask the real goalkeeping boffins and they will say no!"

Where will Boffin go now? Montano is off to Oxford so perhaps the Boff will keep him company? Or maybe back to Belgium perhaps? One thing's for sure, Allardyce doesn't rate him. Dear God, he sees Lansbury as a better bet for the substitute keeper role!

Looking Grim For QPR

We all know about QPR's difficult run in. Hughes certainly does as he has admitted that QPR will be stretched to the limit to stay up. But most worrying of all is the fixtures that their relegation rivals have between now and the end of the season.

Take Wigan. They are bottom but have a great chance of picking up three points on Saturday when West Brom arrive minus Peter Odemwingie. The Latics also have a chance in home games against Stoke, Newcastle and Wolves, and away games against Blackburn and Fulham. Whose run in would you opt for, Wigan's or QPR's?

Then there's Blackburn. They are already above QPR in the table and have a chance of points in home games against Sunderland, Norwich and Wigan and in away games at Swansea, West Brom and Bolton. In fact, Liverpool could be out of the race for the top 4 by the time they travel to Blackburn, making that game winnable too. No contest as to who has the easier run in here!

Wolves, on the other hand, look up against it. They must beat Bolton at home and Wigan away, and hope that Everton arrive out of sorts. They will hope for something at Swansea and Norwich too. A tough run in, but easier than the Hoops.

Which takes us to Bolton. Again they have a head start over QPR and will look to secure points against Blackburn at home and Wolves away, and in home games against West Brom, Fulham and Swansea. That looks the easiest run in of the lot to me!

QPR's problem is the number of times the clubs at the bottom play each other - meaning one or the other or both have to collect points. The clever money would be on Bolton to survive, with one of Blackburn or Wigan joining them in the Prem next season. The recent results against Wolves, Blackburn and Bolton look to have relegated the Hoops - unless Cisse and Zamora can form a devastating partnership.

Montano Seeking A Better Footballing Education.

He's been to Notts County College of Further Education, he's been to Swindon's College of Italian Fine Arts, he's been to Dagenham and Redbridge's Young Offenders Institute, but now Montano is moving up in the world, packing his bags and heading off to Oxford no less.

The trouble is, of course, that Oxford University might be able to give Oxford United a game. The decision to send the Colombian out on yet another lowly loan deal again suggests that he lacks the ability to push on and make the grade. He's 20 now and should be pulling up entire forests in the bottom division if he is going to cut it in the top division. Even Nouble is good enough for Barnsley in the Championship whilst Freddie Goal Shy Sears has found a berth in the division above Montano's latest club.

Sadly Montano seems very unlikely to graduate from the Academy now or at any time in the future.

All Roads Leeds To The Playoff For Both Uniteds.

This game couldn't come at a worse time. We've dropped out of the top three - something we've been threatening to do since the beginning of November because of our appalling goals per game ratio - and now we travel to Leeds United, a bogey team to end all bogey teams. Our form against Bolton stands favourable comparison!

Get a load of these frightening stats!

We haven't won any of the last EIGHT encounters.

We have only won ONE of the last THIRTEEN.

We have only won THREE in the last TWENTY SEVEN games between the clubs!

The glory days of the Revie era are a dim and distant memory but for West Ham, Leeds remain the ultimate Bastard United, especially now that old Bastard Warnock is in charge. I would love it, really love it, if we were to beat the team I loathe above all others but history tells us that the clever money will be on Leeds to drive another nail into our automatic promotion coffin.

I predicted a draw at Upton Park when we met, and I fear Warnock will be all smiles tomorrow. The stadium will be a cauldron, Leeds have to win it to keep their play off hopes alive, and our inadequacies have been cruelly exposed. Vaz Te is out. Our forwards can't hit a barn door from one pace. And Allardyce, nine months into the job, still doesn't know his best team and how to blend together the key components. In truth, he has presided over a bloody shambles!

Warnock v Allardyce - it aint going to be pretty is it? We hate Warnock and Warnock hates us. We hate Leeds, but sadly Leeds love us because we represent easy meat for them.

If we win, we will go up as Champions. But does anybody really expect us to win this one? If so, the bookies will lay down a red carpet for you when you arrive to place your bet!

Tottenham Sweating as Arsenal & Chelsea Launch Champions League Charge

When I posted earlier in the week that Tottenham's Champions League place was under threat because of the resurgence of Chelsea and Arsenal, Cockyfools came on here arguing that there was no evidence of a Chelsea revival. Well, I wonder how those idiots feel after Chelsea's stunning performance against Napoli?

AWB is gone and suddenly the Chelsea Mafia are happy again. Terry, Lampard, Drogba and co clearly didn't rate the guy and wanted him out. And now he's gone, they have a point to prove - by winning again.

Torres still isn't firing but who needs him if Drogba is fit and in the mood? Chelsea don't have the easiest of run ins but once they get up a head of steam, they may be difficult to stop. The head to head clash at Stamford Bridge could be very interesting given Tottenham's recent scratchy form!

In truth, that Chelsea game apart, Tottenham's run in looks simple enough, but we all know how Spurs can crack when the pressure mounts, even getting the squirts when facing little old West Ham on the last game of the season!

'Arry's charges have shown signs of caving in over the last few weeks and even the likes of Fulham, QPR, Stoke and Sunderland could yet present problems. They need Van der Vaart back fit and firing because without him, they don't look so clever.