Hang on, am I allowed to start like that? What implications does the word "dear" have? Is there a suggestion here that I have some sort of personal, or indeed, intimate relationship with God? Might I be offending some religious denomination in some way? Could there be a hint, no matter how subtle, that God may be - perish the thought - homosexual? Might this open up furious debate about the existence, or otherwise, of Mrs God, inviting a torrent of complaints from Muslims who argue that Jesus cannot be the son of God because that implies that God had intimate relations, whilst any suggestion that he might be homosexual would be flagrant blasphemy worthy of issuing a fatwah on the spot?
But, of course, I have transgressed by presuming that God is male. What about the feminist groups, already downtrodden by organised religions, who may now complain about my flagrantly sexist presumption? Maybe God is a woman. After all, life begins in the womb and God created life. And if the Muslims are right and God created life without the need for congress, perhaps God is a lesbian, a big, strong, tattoo wearing lesbian...but hang on, now I am voicing a stereotype with negative connotations and am being offensive about both God and lesbians. So maybe God is this gorgeous lesbian, sexy as hell, long slender legs, fantastic breasts, beautiful eyes - sorry, another offence, forcing male sexual fantasy images upon lesbians, objectifying them in a shameful and unacceptable way.
And then of course, there is the offence caused to the atheists simply through the suggestion that there may be a God, and the homosexual atheists in particular, not to mention the black homosexual atheists or the black lesbian atheists or the black lesbian disabled atheists. So let's start with Dear Black Lesbian Disabled Void. Is that alright? But what about transgender atheists or indeed black lesbian transgender atheists...
Oh shit, I give up! In the light of the FA's letter to players warning them that they face disciplinary sanctions if they make reference to a person’s ethnic origin, colour, race, nationality, faith, gender, sexual orientation or disability, what can anybody say exactly? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. But there I go again, offending those of faith by using that word nothing!
Anyway, I must rush, I'm writing a letter to the FA to refer the FA to the FA for writing a letter to players, which clearly discriminates against illiterate and dyslexic players, not to mention black, homosexual, atheist players who don't speak English...
Meanwhile, Ravel should be given detention and made to write lines.
I will not use homophobic abuse
I will not use homophobic abuse
I will not use homophobic abuse.
Perhaps Iain Dale could supervise the detention and give him six of the best to ensure it never happens again! That's done it, I'm on a charge now!
9 comments:
Ha ha - this is brilliant. I'm completely with you. Utter PC garbage, all this.
The reason our world is turning into a mush of pathetic, spineless gloop of humanity is because of this type of 'please everyone' political banditry.
Get a grip, World and lighten up, else we simple devalue the art of difference and personality.
Or perhaps the female, lesbian, disabled Void's plan is to remove all semblence of individuality so we all become vanilla robots? Ah, a bigger plot emerges. They're among us... ARGH!
Still, West Ham will be a forever loving constant that even as robots we can support and love.
Peace (and opinion - yes, they can cohabit, people).
sheer genius, that is so bang on true. Sadly as a white middle class not overtly religeous straight male I feel that you left out my feelings as I too would like to be able to get agreived at some personal slight within this but unfortunately you had a total disregard for me in this article and so will be taking it up with my MP.
I think you should have started with "Oh deer God". That way, it is not blasphemous, as you are speaking to the God of the deers.
Loved the tweet by Morrison's girlfriend about looking for an apartment in a place called "Caniera Wolf" #youcouldnontmakeitup
lol Nice article HF, completely agree. It's a bit of a sensitive nation init.
You do sometimes talk a load of old Bollocks HF!
But not this time!
Spot on! Fair play to you.
You just need to retitle your blog "The World's gone crazy"
John V P
Thanks for the back handed compliment John. Mind you, that might be interpreted as an endorsement of violence!
LOL Well said that man!
For a philosophy to gain any credence in my opinion it needs two things; the ability to laugh at itself and the ability to justify itself. The pc state through intervention at the merest hint of discord actually denies an individual or a body of thought the opportunity to justify itself and ultimately take its place, or not, within society. So Morrison made a "gay slur"? The gay community's ability to deal with slurs and more, is what ultimately has gained it some degree of acceptance within the modern community.
There is some irony in the fact that the only grouping which seems immune from the defence of the pc society is the secular community. All religious groupings seem more and more united in their belief that the secularists are the true anti-christ. Only this week Cameron has defined christians as people who do not necessarily go to chuch, probably don't read the bible or pray but have some airy fairy belief in "something". Sounds more secular than christian to me!
Funnilly enough the secularists are probably the first to make fun of themselves and are the most capable of justifying their opinions. Perhaps there is a lesson to be learnt from that?
Awesome post!!! I just love this blog! COYI!
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