Tottenham's 'Arry Applies For England Job!

deer mr bernie stein

i was finking i mite be intrestd in the engerland job. u wuld be lukey to get me so i have some conditions.

first of i want to be paid for players i develop and bring thru. it strikes me that an engerland cap increasis a players value so i reckon a payment of a milyon quid for each first cap would be in order paid by the lukey club whoos players i pik. i want this money paid to my pet dog rosie in monaco as she has a lifestyle to keep up.

i also fink this rule on piking engerlish born players is a bit stupid. look at the engerland cricket team. they are packed with africans and r the best team in the world aint they? so i want free reign to pik who i want and i want a cut of any fee paid to transfer a player from anuver cuntry to ours. i have a mate in imigrashun who can do the paper work so we can wangle the passport issue with a few back anders to oil the gears.

i also want my son to ave a job of some sort and i fink is wife could do eurovision for us dont u? an i want er majesty to talk to er revenue and warn em of. no more investigashuns no mater what.

im appy with five milyon a year paid to me, a milyon pade to rosie and the milyon per new cap to go to rosie to.

so when do i start?

Arry.