Threesomes, strange bedfellows, dogs and the pricking of thumbs

More quotes from the bard for football clubs:

For Newcastle after pairing Barton with Dyer under the subtle leadership of Big Sam: "Cry "Havoc," and let slip the dogs of war."

For Portsmouth: "Cry God for 'Arry, England and St George!" (As in George Graham, the patron saint of bungs?)

For Newcastle: "Dear Duff"! (Banquo in Macbeth)

For Arsenal as Arsene shows increasing signs of having lost his marbles hall: "Who can be wise, amazed, temp'rate, and furious, Loyal and neutral in a moment? No man." (And specifically after Wenger's waving of his handbag at Pards) "Th'expedition of my violent love outran the pauser, reason. Here lay Flamini, his silver skin laced with his golden blood and his gashed shin looked like a breach in nature, for ruin's wasteful entrance. There the murderers, steeped in the claret and blue colours of their trade; their boots unmannerly breeched with gore. Who could refrain?" (Macbeth)

For Liverpool, as their fans storm another Champions League final: "Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more, Or close the wall up with our English dead!"

For West Ham as we await the arbitration decision: "Pray you now, forget and forgive".

For Newcastle as they await the arrival of Barton: "By the pricking of my thumbs, Something wicked this way comes." (or for whichever club signs Bellamy!!!!!)

For Sheffield United following their relegation: "Out, damned stripes! Out, I say!" or "When beggars die there are no comets seen".

For West Ham in celebration of threesomes (shared ownership or third party involvement to you and me!): "What's mine is yours, and what is yours is mine."

Another for the Hammers: "Frailty, thy name is Ashton!" or for Newcastle, ""Frailty, thy name is Owen!" or for Spurs, "Frailty, thy name is pressure!"

For Liverpool if they sign Owen again and partner him with Crouch: "This is the short and the long of it" or from Owen's point of view, "Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows".

For Portsmouth in the light of 'Arry's club 'surprisingly' being "somewhat mentioned" in the bung enquiry: "Something is rotten in the state of Football."

For Man City after the sacking of Pearce: "Not that I lov'd England less, but that I lov'd City more". (Julius Caesar)

For Fulham after the sacking of Coleman: "So wise so young, they say do never live long" or "Et tu, Al Fayed" or what Fulham fans will cry to their chairman under "Long ball Sanchez": "I am dying, Egypt, dying"! (Or is this just an anthology of Diana's last words?)

Great Thai Starter!

Tasty opening fixtures! Birmingham away to Chelsea - I predict five goals for the Billionaire's Blues rather than the Blue Movie Blues; Big Sam (with Barton and Dyer) away to Mini Me's leftovers - I predict five red cards!

And Sheffield United? That's a home fixture with Colchester United for you Blades despite your howls of protest. Still with Red Stripe Robbo in charge does it really matter who you're playing? Cheers, the Colchester fans are banking on the three points already!

And for the mighty Hammers? Well bring on Man City! Who knows, by then they MAY have a manager and an owner. Then again they may not! What they won't have is Barton! If we can't get three points from this one, we are going to struggle!

Spring Roll on August!!!!!!!

Horrorshow Toons

So the Bowyer Barton axis is not to be. A&E Departments across London are breathing a sigh of relief! But Barton and Dyer? Now that is a promsing combination. Plenty of the old ultra violet promised there. Real horrorshow my droogs, real horrorshow!

On the subject of Dyer, just how many ten minute caps has he now collected? Has anybody ever averaged less time on the pitch per cap? I saw Ripley last two minutes once but Dyer has specialised in the role of the late and sometimes late late replacement. He must have been in a cold sweat when the right back role was mooted. "But boss, I might have to run around for more than twenty minutes!"

Allardyce, Barton and Dyer in the same dressing room! They won't be blowing a whistle but ringing a bell when it all kicks off! Front row seats at St James' Bloodbath are already being renamed "Ringside"!

Barton and Bowyer. Beavis and Buthead in Claret and Blue?

So, not content with having "it wasn't me guv, honest" Bowyer on the books, it seems we're now looking to team him up with Joey "I'm not a psycho, that's my brother you're thinking of" Barton. No wonder Reo-Coker wants out of the club. Would you feel comfortable with black skin in that dressing room? I just hope they frisk the players for meat cleavers before they go on to the training ground!

Still, it's an East End tradition isn't it? We've had the Krays and the Richardsons, so why not the Bowyer-Bartons? And it's not as if rucks involving the players are unheard of at the club. There was the Morley bashing the Bishop to his wife's sharp disapproval incident. And of course Hartson, thinking he was a Nazi Boyo, mistaking a little Jewish player's head for the ball. Academy of football? It's beginning to look more like the Long Good Friday! Does our Biscuit Baron know his jellied eels from his pie and mash I wonder?