Unreal Allergy Attack Lays Star Low!

You have to laugh at the thought of Super Mario Balotelli being allergic to grass! Allergic to cannabis would be fair enough but we are not talking the stuff dope heads smoke, it's the stuff football pitches are made out of that bring Balotelli out in a rash! Luckily for Unreal City, their £24 million man isn't allergic to all grass, but like the wrong type of leaves on Railtrack lines, it's only certain types of grass that stop the wacky Intercity kid from running!

Poor Super Mario only became aware of his ailment last week when he came out in a rash in Kiev and it makes you wonder what other latent ailments footballers might suffer from. It would seem that Ba is reduced to a physical wreck by the mere mention of Stoke. Tristan was definitely allergic to running, whilst Kovac is rendered dizzy by a football! Rob Green and vampires share the same aversion to crosses and Boa loses all sense of direction when he gets within 25 yards of the back of the net!

But the worst sufferer of all is Kieron Dyer. Never mind grass, the mere mention of competitive football obliges the poor sod to have a little lie down lasting nine months!

Here's hoping that Blackpool, Wigan and Wolves are all allergic to the run in at the end of a season and that Stoke choke on the Wembley grass!