Tottenham's 'Arry Doing Porridge

Opening credits. Voice over. "Henry James Redknapp, you have pleaded not guilty to the charges brought by this court, and it is now my duty to pass sentence. You are an habitual criminal, who accepts arrest as an occupational hazard, and presumably accepts imprisonment in the same casual manner. We therefore feel constrained to commit you to the maximum term allowed for these offences: you will go to prison for five years."

Opening scene. Medical inspection.
MO: Suffer from any illness?
'Arry: Bad feet.
MO: Suffer from any illness?
'Arry: Bad feet!
MO: Paid a recent visit to a doctor or hospital?
'Arry: Only with my bad feet! ...
MO: Are you now or have you at any time been a practising homosexual.
'Arry: What, with these feet? Who'd have me?

[The MO has finished 'Arry's medical, and points to some specimen containers over on a table]
MO: Now I want you to fill one of those containers for me.
'Arry: What, from 'ere?

On the evidence so far, if I'm on the jury, he's going down! And that's without googling him and checking out any previous!