One Day, Sometime, Never

OK, the definitive nickname for the new Spurs under Ramos: The One Day Nevers!

One day only, buy one, get one for £23m!

Quote from bbc rumours: "New Tottenham manager Juande Ramos wants to raid his former club Sevilla to take ex-Spurs striker Fredi Kanoute back to White Hart Lane and he is also keen to bring £23m-rated defender Daniel Alves with him. (News of the World)" My God, if I was a Spurs fan I'd be worried! £23m for a full back?

Mind you, we are apparently prepared to pay £9m for Johnson!

One Day you're up, the next you're down!

Spurs lose again! Good God, I can hear echoes of Glenn Roeder! This IS getting serious! One Day can't buy until January. It will take 6 weeks or so to bed in the new team once he's recruited Manuel and co! Spurs away to Colchester next season? What's the betting?

One Day Ramos

I gave him 1.4 years but according to Radio 5 Live, his Christian name is pronounced One Day. I know the Spurs board are impatient but surely this is going too far! At least give the guy a week!

The Reign in Spain pours mostly down the drain!

Before Spurs fans start to imagine all the dark days are behind them, they should just contemplate this statistic: Ramos has managed 10 clubs in 14 years! So, before he took over at Sevilla, he had a good track record presumably! - that's more clubs per year as a manager than Megson and Red Stripe Robbo combined! Even the Hoddle of God sticks around at clubs longer than that!

And now Benitez isn't looking all he was cracked up to be is he? Have Spurs jumped on another band wagon to nowhere? How long is that contract? Four years? Why not 1.4 years - that's how long history suggests he will be around for!

Still it provides the opportunity to come up with a new nickname or two for the not so hot spurs. How about Los Blancos - cos every time they try to win anything they draw a blank? Or Los Mananas - cos they always Will finish in the top 4 NEXT season!

One last thought - Inside the word Spain is the word pain! You have been warned!

At last, Spurs realise that Number Two's shit!

Good God, Chris Hughton has gone too! How many Spurs managers has he "assisted" to the sack over the years?

Chop Suey

So, Souness has turned down Bolton. What job does he fancy then? He was a Spurs player wasn't he? Or maybe he has his eye on a return to Boro. Or possibly he fancies playing with the millions made available by the new owners of Birmingham? Or maybe, Hughes to Spurs and Souness returning to Blackburn? Any of those clubs are welcome to him - Bolton have had a lucky escape!

Red Mist or Red Face, Robbo must be shown Red by McClanger

So 125 years were perfectly encapsulated in 90 minutes, or the last 46 years at least! Wasn't that just the perfect Tottenham performance for such a momentous night? 4-1 down at home to Villa? Good God, I bet even Derby manage to keep Villa down to three! But then with Red Mist Robbo changing his name to Red Faced Robbo in one night of agonising shame, what chance did the not so mighty Spurs stand?

God help us if McClanger sticks with Red Face in Russia. They surely won't make the same mistake again! Just hang a cross one yard outside the six yard box and Red Face looks as confused as Bush doing a crossword. The mistakes were two of the worst I have EVER seen. In fact, add in the air kick, allowing Neville's back pass to trickle into the net, and I think Red Face has the three worst ever.

Did McClanger see Green's heroics against Arsenal? I'm not saying he is Peter Shilton, but at least Green isn't Gary Sprake! In fact, I think comparing Sprake to Red Face is probably doing the Welsh wanker an injustice!

Looking down on Spurs

There's one consolation in looking at a Premiership table that shows West Ham third from bottom - and that's to see Spurs propping us all up! Two games gone and two defeats - against the mighty Sunderland and Everton no less. I'd say that a top 4 spot has already been surrendered. Big Sam, Moyes and Wenger must all now regard games with each other as six pointers whilst Spurs start to fret about securing a EUFA or Inter Toto spot. Why on earth did they spend that money on Bent when the midfield is clearly so lacking in width and creativity? There's no point in having an arsenal (sorry, no pun intended) of guns if you have no ammunition to load them with. I would have thought Keano could have told Jol that!

Still hopefully Spurs will sack the meat pie challenged one. I'd have him ahead of Turds any day of the week (except, perhaps on Sundays - who ate all the yorkshire puddings?)!

Come on Derby!!!!!

We bear a charmed life (continued)

More Shakespearean slogans for football clubs (see below for the originals)

For Sunderland as Roy Keane starts to learn some hard truths about what a £20m transfer kitty will buy you: "There ’s small choice in rotten apples". (Taming of the Shrew)

For West Ham if Curbs wastes £18 million on Bent, "Oh I am Fortune's fool!" (Romeo and Juliet)

For Man City upon finding that their Thai Green Curry Abramovich has had his "assets frozen" (how painful does that sound?): "Nothing can come of nothing". (Lear to Cordelia) or "Oft expectation fails, and most oft there where most it promises." (Ironically "All's Well that Ends Well"; not a phrase oft associated with the blue half of Manchester!)

For Birmingham: "I have a kind of alacrity in sinking." (Merry Wives of Windsor)

For Reading as they enter the second "difficult season" having hoped themselves out of Europe this year: "Be not afraid of greatness" (Twelfth Night)

For Blackburn: "All the infections that the sun sucks up from bogs, fens, flats, on Savage fall, and make him by inch-meal a disease" (The Tempest)

For Spurs and Arsenal jointly: "A plague o' both your houses!"

We bear a charmed life

Shakespeare quotes as slogans for Premiership Clubs:

West Ham: "Tevez or not Tevez? That is the question" or, in view of how everybody now sees us, "Now you gods stand up for bastards!" (Edmund in King Lear) or in the light of our impossile escape "We bear a charmed life". (Macbeth) or "Then was the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this sun of Argentina." or a cautionary tale, "Neither a borrower nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend"!

Spurs: "Hath not a Jew eyes, hands, organs, senses, dimensions? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not capitulate in the last game of the season, handing our Champions League place on a plate to our bitterest rivals?" (Shylock, Merchant of Venice)

Chelsea: "We are a club more sinned against than sinning" (Lear in Lear) or "Friends, Roman, countrymen, Lend us your billions" (Mark Anthony in JC) or with the Special One in mind, "Though this be madness, yet there is method in it."

Arsenal: "Cry God for Henry, France and Saint Joan!"

Liverpool (in the light of their most recent attempt to re-enact Heysel: "Will all great Neptune's ocean wash this blood clean from my hand? No, this my hand will rather the multitudinous seas incarnadine, making the green one red!" (Macbeth)

Man City (in the light of Ranierri's defection): "O Claudio Claudio, where for art thou Claudio?"

Sheffield United under Warnock: "Out, out, brief candle! Hope is but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the Premiership stage and then is heard no more: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing" (Macbeth) or "By foul play, as thou say'st, were we heaved thence" (The Tempest) or "Hag-seed, hence!" (The Tempest)

Sheffield United under Robson: "Drink, Sir, is a great provoker of three things, nose-painting, sleep and urine. Lechery, it provokes, and unprovokes: it provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance." (The Porter in Macbeth)

Bolton: 'Tis a team, sir,I do not love to look on." (Miranda in The Tempest) or "O, woe is me,To have seen what I have seen, see what I see!" or "They have been at a great feast of football, and stolen the scraps."

Derby: "The old black ram is tupping your white ewe" or translated, "Be careful, your chairman is shafting your manager!"

Blackburn: "All hail McCarthy, once of Porto, All hail MaCarthy now of Blackburn, All hail MaCarthy that shall be at Chelsea hereafter." (Witches in Macbeth)

Newcastle: "A defence, a defence, my kingdom for a defence."

Man U: "Things won are done; joy's soul lies in the doing."

Watford: "Where the hornet sucks, there suck I; In a Championship hell I lie" (The Tempest) or "The attempt and not the deed Confounds us".

Charlton: "Alas, poor Dowie! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. He hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! my gorge rises at it." or "Adieu, adieu" or, with Pards in mind, "The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool."

(Not Premiership I know!)

MK Dons "What's in a name?" (Juliet in R&J)

Norwich: "Where are ya? The lady doth protest too much, methinks."

Leeds: "For 'tis the sport to have the engineer Hoist with his own petard" or "He that dies pays all debts".

More to follow!

Bent? He must be!

So Darren Bent wants to join Tottenham! Is this boy mad? Has he heard of Berbatov and Keane? Has the penny dropped that Defoe can't get a kick even though he's scored as many goals as he's played games? So, Bent's not interested in furthering his international career then! He's happy being the "alternative" striker!

Or does he know something we don't? Is Berbatov on his way after all, lured by Madrid, Milan, United or Chelsea?

Bent and Keane. Doesn't have the same ring really, does it? So you cocky Spurs, remember what it says in the Torah, the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. And remember too, you don't get through the pearly gates of the top four if you're Bent!