Now Tell Sheffield United To Take A Running Jump!

So why exactly are we paying Shafting United £25m exactly? We have now been cleared of further irregularities and a fine was levied for the original misdemeanor. Come on Duxbury, give an interview to explain what looks like a f*** up to end all f*** ups! My suggestion is that we now tear up our "out of court" agreement and invite that sh*thouse McCabe to see us in court. Once that is out of the way, I'd tear up Duxbury's contract too!

I am sure a longer and more considered response is appropriate but I am back from a game of footy, a few too many pints and have to be up at six tomorrow to get to Lords for what I hope will be another brilliant day for England!

Zola Is Only Biding His Time

This article has been submitted by Hotshot C. I neither endorse nor reject the opinions expressed.


The saviour of Claret and Blue – Zola! I hear you shout. In the background are murmurs of discontent – is he for real?

Zola has been quoted as believing that West Ham can compete for Champions League football. I’m all for the cause but that’s sheer stupidity! The club nearly got into the Europa Cup via an extra place given thanks to one of the top six winning the FA Cup. There’s no guarantee that the same will happen this season, and furthermore Tottenham will have strengthened their cause as will Man City, Fulham, Aston Villa and Everton. That’s six teams fighting it out for two spots, 5th and 6th and, if we are brutally honest, we hardly have any cash to entice players, like Man city and to a lesser degree Tottenham, and unlike the other teams can’t currently offer European football.

I think like Tevez (and Mascherano) before him, Zola (and Clarke) are merely using West Ham as a shop window and acclimatization area before moving onto their real ambition of a bigger club. If Zola thinks he’s going to achieve greatness in a bankrupt club then he’s only kidding himself or the gullible supporters.

Enjoy the ride while you can, because the honeymoon’s not going to last long.

Hotshot C

Relegation Beckons For West Ham - And Here's Why!

I cannot believe how tolerant the fan base is being about the club's lack of activity in the transfer market this summer. Let's get something straight. Unless we sign two quality strikers before the season kicks off, we are going to be in desperate trouble. Zola is rumoured to be interested in Eider G (I can't spell his surname) but the club apparently can't muster £5m. You what? Are we seriously in a position where we cannot find £5m to buy a player for a key position? We also want Mancini but he is not a forward anyway and appears to be as enthusiastic about joining us as Joey Beauchamp. Look elsewhere I say!

And who have we got exactly? Cole, who I rate as a target man but not as a goalscorer, Jimenez (on loan) who is apparently more a creator than a finisher, and Ashton who seemingly needs the intervention of Jesus Christ himself to get him off his death bed. What happens if Cole and Jimenez pick up injuries exactly? Who is going to play up front? Dixon is still injured and isn't considered part of the first team so who else is there? Have I forgotten somebody? We haven't even got Sears, Di Michele or Tristan waiting in the wings!

I have heard Zola say that he is trying to "spot" where we are short. Bloody hell, Blunkett in a blindfold could spot where we are short. Let's stop the trying to spot the blindingly obvious and do something about it! And fast.

Last season a series of brilliant, backs to the wall, defensive performances kept us out of trouble. However, our goals per game return was appalling. In 38 games, we scored just 42 goals, and 8 of those had been scored in the 4 games before Zola took over. That means that in Zola's 34 games in charge, we mustered 34 goals, exactly one a game. West Brom scored 36 in 38 and Newcastle 40 in 38. Our goals per game return was what you would expect of a relegated team. Incredibly, however, personnel wise, we are in an even worse position than last season. Remember, we had Bellamy for 13 starts and he chipped in 5 goals. Take those out of the equation and we are down to 37 goals in 38 games. Ashton scored 2 in 4 too and, one way or another, I don't expect to see him playing in C&B this season. I know Tristan, Sears and Di Michele were at best ordinary, but at least they were warm live bodies who could run around up front! (OK, running was perhaps beyond Tristan but you know what I mean!)

Now I know this will provoke the "In Zola we can trust" responses but can we? His side did not score enough goals last season and I can see no reason why we would improve on that next season, unless something dramatic happens quickly. Eider and Mancini would be a start but neither are out and out goal scorers, both are creators first and finishers second. Who exactly is going to be in the six yard box tucking away the chances? I can't see anybody either on our books now or who we are being linked with. That spells relegation in my book.

When Ashton Goes, Where Does That Leave Duxbury?

So, the Newham Recorder has come out and said it, the absence of Ashton from the tour of Austria stinks. Every other member of the first team squad is there - even Behrami - as part of a team bonding exercise, so why has Ashton failed to make the journey? The Newham Recorder have reached the conclusion that Beano is about to roll up his medicare kitbag and move to treatment rooms new.

And if that happens, where does that leave Duxbury? Well, still in charge of course because the guy appears fire proof - who knows what he knows and what damage he could do if cut adrift? But what about those interviews and his assurance that Primadeano was going nowhere. He was very categoric if you remember. "I am not selling Ashton to Stoke".

However, regular readers might remember that I pointed out the escape clause that Duxbury had allowed himself. The Slippery One positioned himself in a such a way that the door was left open for Zola to sell Beano. When Primadeano departs, therefore, Duxbury will be able to claim, "It was a footballing decision made because, after assessing the strengths and weaknesses of his squad, the manager decided that Dean Ashton was surplus to requirements." Anybody fancy a bet?

A Bellyache in Sunderland? It will end in tears.

According to the Daily Mail, Steve Bruce is now targeting that much traveled and much loved striking superstar Craig "Period Pains" Bellyache. Not content with splashing out on Fizzy Pop bound Frazier Campbell, it seems that the devout Geordie is determined to add another dud to his team of tunnelers as he secretly plots the Great Escape of Blunderland from the tortures of the Premiership to the comfort zone of their true homeland, the Championship.

How else could you explain a move for Period Pains? Our old favourite will cost in the region of £10m and will spend two thirds of the season injured. When he does play, he will score one goal per three games maximum and collect yellow cards at a rate of two in three. Meanwhile, he will disaffect the dressing room in a flash. Steve Bruce cannot handle players with big egos and I predict that his relationship with Bellyache would not last beyond the first two months of the season. Come January he would be on his way again, probably to Tottenham.

The Blunderland fans who have responded to this blog seem imbued with a peculiar optimism which, I suppose, is a firewall necessary after so many years of misery on Wearyside. But surely there must be doubts about Bruce? Look what happened at Birmingham and Palace and, as a Geordie, he didn't harbour a deep seated antipathy for those two clubs did he?

I am now picturing Sunderland as the Pequod and Bruce as Captain Ahab. Bellyache would be the Fedellah, the arrival of whom would signal the beginning of the end. What's that I hear on Wearyside? "Lar she blows!"

Still, stay positive guys, there's always a derby game with Newscastle to look forward to the season after next!

Have Real Madrid and Man City so distorted the market that Tottenham, Villa, Arsenal and West Ham can't do business? And as for Sunderland...

Ferguson has come out and said it: Manchester United of all clubs have been priced out of the market. They have lost one world class player and one close to world class, and may well have to do with out Hargreaves for much if not all of the coming season, and yet they have only "invested" in Oberton, Valencia and Owen. There is no doubt that Ferguson's side will be weaker next season, even if Owen stays fit and recovers his form, but Ferguson is sitting on his hands, insisting that there is no value in the present market.

And of course he is right. How can Terry, a good centre half and nothing more, be worth £30m? How can Tevez be worth £25m after bagging only a handful of goals last season in a close to unbeatable team? How can Valencia be worth £16m? He is good but he is not THAT good. How old is Santa Cruz? £18m for a forward knocking on the door of 30 with a career injury record that compares unfavourably with Owen's, that is bloody stupid. And £17m for Glen Johnson? Bloody hell, John McDowell would fetch £10m on that basis!

Now I know City supporters will scream jealousy but that would be wide of the mark because, personally, I would be delighted to see the big 4 monopoly broken. But at what cost? Blunderland are talking silly numbers to buy dross and are in danger of spending a fortune to get relegated because of the distorted market. It is financial madness and Real Madrid and Unreal City are killing the sport if not killing the game.

So what can the middle ranking clubs do? Wait until the Real and Unreal teams have gorged themselves to the full and then step in and feed on the scraps I suppose. There could yet be a spurt of activity just before the window closes but when even Manchester United seem resigned to playing second fiddle, it has to be a worry for clubs like Tottenham, Villa, Everton and West Ham.

Ashton Explanation Required

Now regular visitors to this site will know that I am not the greatest fan of Primadeano Ashton - not because I don't rate him as a player, but because I think his attitude stinks. I passed comment last week on a remark from young Dixon, that he had trained through the summer but had not seen any of the other players, apart from Parker, as he put in his extra shifts. 'Where was Ashton?' I dared to ask.

Beano fans leapt to his defence of course. Perhaps he is so far along the road to recovery that he doesn't need the additional fitness training they argued. Fair enough, then we could expect to see Beano stripped and ready for action at Grays or, if that was beneath him, then certainly on the tour of Austria. Remember, Zola was of the opinion that Ashton could return before the end of last season!

Cometh the hour but no cometh the man! Deano was a no show at Grays and, it seems, is not ready for the pre-season tour of Austria either. So the guy who was too fit to need to train through the summer (having had almost the whole of last season off!)is not yet ready to turn out against part time professionals. Hmmmmmm, does anybody smell a rat here?

I'm beginning to suspect that the treatment table has moulded itself around Beano's body. Stoke's interest seems to have waned and no other clubs are being linked with him. At this rate, any return of Beano will be on a par with the resurrection of Jesus Christ!