Wednesday, 11 November 2009

How Crap Are Liverpool?


I blogged on here at the start of the season that the wheels were about to come off at Liverpool and so it is proving. The squad is ridiculously thin and now, it seems, Torres is not prepared to put his body on the line for the team. His no show against Birmingham says it all. With an international break to follow, you would have thought that the Spaniard could have given the team 60 minutes. Benitez seemed to think so, based on his comments at the weekend. But apparently not.

Real Madrid will be looking for a new manager soon and it is hard to see Benitez resisting the challenge to jump ship. This team is going nowhere and if Liverpool miss out on the Champions League come the end of the season, then those massive debts will start to strangle the life out of the club. If Benitez goes, will Torres follow? Why would he want to hang around at a mid table team already knocked out of Europe? If Torres and Benitez go, why would Gerrard want to stay? Might he not fancy a few years in the Real Madrid midfield to top off his, as yet, not so terribly illustrious career?

Of course, when I predicted Liverpool's demise at the start of the season, I was told I didn't know what I was talking about; just as I was mocked when I predicted we would struggle to avoid relegation. Well, a 2-2 draw against Birmingham, only secured through blatant cheating, suggests I might know something about the game of football, or Soccer as Liverpool's owners call it, after all!

Cole and Upson Out; Toni, Campbell and King In


Just watch. Come January, Marlon King will be out of prison, providing he keeps his nose clean and his back passage available. Toni has done his best to make his position in Germany untenable. And Sol, of course, is currently without a club.

At a stroke of a pen, Duxbury can secure close to £30m by selling two England players and then replace them for next to nothing. I am sure two or three other players will be signed for a total of £5m down with another £5 to be paid on the never never. Duxbury will then present it all as squad restructuring, securing the cover the manager identified for certain key positions, whilst confirming that both Upson and Cole wanted to leave, making it impossible for the club to stand in their way.

You heard it here first guys!

Man City in for Upson, Liverpool lining up Cole


Both rumours make sense to me. City are desperate to strengthen their back four having invested half a Euro Lottery win very unwisely in Kryton Lescott and Liverpool need somebody, anybody, to play up front for them.

Should we part with either or both, that will sign our death warrant as a Premiership club. Can we trust C&B Holdings and your friend and mine, Mr Duxbury, to turn down any offers above £10m? Of course we can't!

In the original Batman movie, Scotty Duxbury, rigged out as the Joker asks, "You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?" Says it all really!

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

Another Duxbury Cock Up? - You cannot be Searsious!


The reaction of Palace fans to the suggestion that we might be recalling Freddie Sears says it all. In summary, it boils down to "Have him back whenever you want, the guy is hopeless!"

Now there are two points here. Firstly, how desperate is the situation if we are considering recalling a striker who has yet to score an authorised goal in the Fizzy Pop. And secondly, if we do want him back and, as Warnock believes, we can't trigger a recall until January, then who ballsed up when the loan agreement was drawn up?

If it was, as I suspect, Duxbury, then there surely has to be some accountability. I can't believe how Teflon coated this guy has been - no matter what the shit, it refuses to stick to Duxbury. It is beyond belief that, not only did he survive the Tevez affair, he actually ended up with a promotion. It was Duxbury's cuddles that cost us £25m for pity's sake! The only logical explanation I can find for his ongoing survival is that we are buying his silence. What exactly does this Joker know?

Monday, 9 November 2009

Zola Puzzled


Great quote from our manager following the defeat against Everton:

"We had I don`t know how many chances and they only had two. How can we lose a game like that? We have to find out straight away what is not working well."

Well Gianfranco, we could start with the fact that Jimenez is useless but you still picked him. Then there is the little matter of you breaking up a settled defence by parting with Collins and Neill. Then there is the inspired decision to leave your most creative player on the bench until we were losing. Then, of course, there was the failure to buy anybody to replace Cole in the event of him being injured or suspended. Then there is the incy wincy problem of not having a replacement left back. And, of course, there is that tiresome little niggle of 4-3-3 not working but your insistence on setting up the side that way regardless.

Bloody confusing business this game of football isn't it?

Ashton Retires - But hush, don't tell Zola!


What a shambles! Papers are reporting what anybody with half a brain has known since the start of the season - Ashton isn't ever going to return - but somehow, Zola seems to be outside the loop. How stupid has the manager been made to look as he has publicly pledged support for the porcelain striker, whilst journalists have been falling over themselves, and risking a serious ankle injury in the process, to bring us the news of Ashton's footballing demise.

Of course, Zola may know the truth but be under instruction to play a straight bat to any questions on the topic of Ashton. Heaven forfend that the fans ever be told the truth before it is absolutely necessary! Sod the fans, they are just the mugs who pay good money to follow the club! Apart from Zola pledging his support for the injured striker and also reporting, on two occasions, that he was in the dark on his recovery progress, the last official word from the club on Ashton was Scotty Duxbury telling us how much he was looking forward to seeing him play again. That, of course, was a very convenient reason for not buying somebody to partner Cole up front until the window had closed, leaving us with the only option of signing somebody on a free transfer. How convenient!

I reiterate that I am sad about Ashton having to retire but I have known this was coming for a very long time and have been saying so on this blog. That made me a Spud apparently. No it didn't, it simply meant that I didn't have my head buried in the sand!

Sunday, 8 November 2009

West Ham 1 Everton 2 - Mugged


As I blogged at half time, Everton came to do a number on us and sure enough they did it, but at least they didn't do it with consumate ease in the end. Yes we were mugged, but not by Everton, or Moyes, or even the assistant referee who wrongly flagged Franco off side in the last minute of extra time, but by Zola's formation and team selection.

What is wrong with the guy? 4-3-3 doesn't work. I shouted it at half time and for him to pull Jimenez off and ten minutes into the second half he heard me! Cue the arrival of Diamanti and, as an attacking unit, we were suddenly transformed. Put Diamanti and Cole in the same team, and find a way of including Stanislas too, and we will be a force to be reckoned with!

A defeat against Everton is no surprise, of course, even when they have 10 players out injured, but this was a real missed opportunity. We needed to build on the passion of Wednesday night and push Everton onto the back foot. The game was crying out for Diamanti but no, Zola opted for Jimenez instead. I said all that needs to be said on that matter at half time. No wonder the Special One sent him out on loan, I bet he couldn't believe his luck when we said we wanted him! God help us if we are ever reduced to playing Jimenez and Kovac in the same team!

There were plusses today. Parker was brilliant and managed to get through ninety minutes without a booking. And Da Costa and Upson looked good despite the team conceding two goals. Both Faubert and Spector did ok too. The first goal was just one of those things, a shot out of nowhere straight into the bottom corner. For the second, I felt Green should have done better. Gosling was on a tight angle and Green returned the first shot to him and was then beaten at his near post. Capello will not be impressed with that.

Franco again looked reasonable outside the box but didn't get near the ball inside it, until cruelly flagged offside. Hines, I'm afraid had an absolute mare. Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong for the lad, talk about hero to zero in the space of 4 days. I am not condemning him, I loved the way he kept showing for the ball; if it was me, I would have hidden. But the brutal truth is that he was hopeless on the day, missing two great chances, miscontrolling the ball, picking the wrong options and losing the ball every time he thought about running at an Everton defender. I rate him higher than Jimenez below because at least Hines wanted to be on the pitch! We missed Cole hugely. Had he played, we would have won. Those idiots who still do not understand his importance to the team must now hold their hands up and admit they are wrong, surely!

And Diamanti? What a pass for the goal, and that was just one of five absolute beauties. His shooting wasn't great apart from that audacious effort from wide on the right, but at least he wants to have a crack. Again, the free kick looks special, forcing a save out of Howard that, on another day, would have rebounded to an on rushing West Ham player. Diamanti must start games, the guy has a special talent and the team needs to be built around him, Parker and Cole. No argument, it has to happen!

Back in the bottom three and a crunch games against Hull to come after the international break. Look Curbishley, this season certainly isn't boring!

One last thought, I called for Jimenez to be replaced by Diamanti at half time and for Stanislas to be brought on. Think I was right on both counts don't you?

Player ratings: Green 5; Faubert 6, Upson 6, Da Costa 6, Spector 6; Behrami 6, Parker 10, Jimenez 1, Collison 7; Hines 3, Franco 6 Subs: Diamanti 8, Stanislas 7

Get Jimenez Off And Send Him Back To Milan!


What an awful first half. Evrton have set up to do a number on us and they are doing it with consumate ease. Poor Hines has had a mare but he is a kid and it happens. Jimenez is meant to be quality but I can't see any evidence of it. He is lightweight and doesn't even have a good touch. His corner against Villa was dreadful, he failed to beat the first defender with his only corner in ths game, his freekick was pathetically tame and his "tee up" for Da Costa's free kick was the equivalent of a missed putt from two inches, knocking it three feet beyond the hole! Hopeless!

Of course, Zola hasn't helped the cause by reverting to 4-3-3. What is wrong with the guy? It doesn't work mate. I said it DOESN'T WORK! I SAID IT DOESN'T WORK!

What do we do? Get Jimenez off and send on Diamanti. He must pose more of a threat surely? And if it still isn't working, bring on Stanislas for Hines.

Grumpy on the Org was "pleased" when Cole was injured on Wednesday. Well that injury is costing us dear because, just as I have always said, it has left us without an out ball. Everything is so laboured because we can't hit it up to Cole to hold and lay off. And these guys think they know something about football. It's laughable really!

And Hull have won so we are right back in the shite if we lose this one!

Noble Dropped


Jimenez plays! That's a shocker for me, I reckoned on Zola going for continuity and stability. Clearly he is concerned about a lack of punch up front with Cole ruled out. Will Jimenez be able to mix it with the rough house Everton boys? Will Da Costa cope with Saha? Will Hines live up to the hype? Will Spector cope at left back? Will Franco last beyond half time, having played 85 minutes on Wednesday? The game will be won or lost as the answer to these questions unfold!

Come on Scotty Parker, drive the boys on to victory!

Anybody else wondering why we shelled out £6m for Diamanti if he isn't going to be selected in these circumstances?

May 5th and The Ghost of Christmas Past!


Kevin in Manchester writes:

May 5th, the date pencilled in for Tony Carr's testimonial, could be a bitter sweet experience for all West Ham fans; actually who am I kidding, there will be no 'could' about it- it will be. When the graduates from the West Ham academy return to pay homage to England's greatest producer of top footballing talent it will not only be a fitting tribute to the man's greatness but a running, tackling, passing and shooting condemnation of a generation of mismanagement at West Ham - I'm not talking about the bloke in the track suit but the suits in the stand of course.

The inability and lack of vision that has dogged the stewardship of our club has made it inevitable that most players of international calibre we have produced have, more or less, been forced to leave West Ham to fulfil their potential and ambition, as unfortunately they will be in the future. I bear them no ill; not even Lampard, Defoe and Ince. The circumstances of their leaving may have lacked style, grace or generosity but in essence Cole, Carrick, Johnson, Ferdinand and Cottee all left for the same overarching reason: there was nothing to detain them at Upton Park. Of course if we finish in the bottom 3 come May 5th, bitter sweet won't come into - how about rage.

Any how here's the challenge: A first eleven and a subs bench of leavers. I don't know if Ince and Cottee will have the puff to make a game of it but I'll allow them in. Yes Defoe came from Charlton - but he went into our academy, and Terry was finished off at Chelsea but I'll allow them both, ditto Sol Campbell and Bobby Zamora. Selecting Beckham on the basis of his dad manning the turnstiles might be pushing it a bit though!

West Ham To Sign Leviathan


Enter Zola, Clarke, Duxbury and Nani dressed as nuns. Cue music!

"How do you solve a problem like Quashie?
How do you catch a clown and sell him on?
How do you find a word that means Quashie?
A useless git! A slow, unskilled twit! A clown!"

True, all too true, but the treatment being meeted out to poor Nigel is very unfair. Apparently the club have refused to buy out his £20k a week contract and yet the poor sod has been told to stay away from training. Why? Does the guy have the plague or something? I know he is useless but allowing him to train with the squad doesn't mean you have to pick him does it? What is happening seems unnecessarily spiteful to me.

Until, of course, you realise how many times Quashie has been relegated. Has Zola, no doubt a good Catholic boy, identified Quashie as Jonah, fleeing the vengeance of God and plunging the whole ship he is aboard into a terrible tempest? The poor guy, like Jonah, has asked his ship mates to throw him overboard but they have refused!

If I was Quashie, I would get very worried if Zola suddenly proposes a break in Florida, taking in a trip to Sea World. We already have a couple of whale connections at the club with Jimenez Cricket on the books and Davenport's bid to become Captain Ahab!

Why have we signed a Leviathan? Well, cue the nuns again, this time with habits slashed and safety pins in their cheeks. In the words of XTC:

"We're only making plans for Nigel
We only want what's best for him
We're only making plans for Nigel
Nigel just needs this helping hand
And if young Nigel says he's happy
He must be happy
He must be happy in his work
We're only making plans for Nigel
He has his future in a big white whale
We're only making plans for Nigel
Nigel's whole future is as good as sealed
And if young Nigel says he's happy
He must be happy
He must be happy in his work
Nigel is not outspoken
But he likes to speak
And loves to be spoken to
Nigel is happy in his work
We're only making plans for Nigel."

PS Check out the video on this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0C6bVckO_CM

I am bloody certain that is Duxbury in the striped shirt!

Who is briefing against Curbishley I wonder?


With the verdict announced in Curbishley's favour, a campaign has now started to discredit the guy. Somebody inside the club has decided that if Turds is in line for a £2m payout, we will do our level best to scupper his future career prospects.

The Mirror carried a story yesterday that Curbishley jumped ship just before we were about to throw him overboard. According to the unnamed source, a Board meeting had already been convened with a view to dismissing Curbishley when he announced that he was going. Poor AC was then disappointed and surprised that no effort was made to persuade him to stay. The decision to sack him, again according to this unnamed source, had been triggered by six, again unnamed, players going to the Board and demanding action due to disillusionment with Curbishley's training methods and tactics.

The timing is very interesting. If this was mischief making by The Mirror, the story would have been carried in the week before the verdict was announced. How damaging would it have been to our case if it was known that the axe was hanging over Curbishley's head when he walked out? Case proven! West Ham pay up!

It is clearly not Curbishley who is releasing these stories because he is being portrayed as arrogant and as a manager who had lost the support, not just of the Board, but of the players too. So who is briefing against Curbishley? Who is the Dark Puppet Master of Spin? I have no idea and would hate to point a finger.

Oh, good morning Mr Duxbury!

Saturday, 7 November 2009

West Ham's Greatest Ever Players - Number 12


Well, the top 11 fitted snugly into a pretty impressive team:

Parkes; Stewart, Martin, Moore, Lampard; Peters, Bonds, Brooking, Devonshire; Hurst & Cottee

So who would be on the substitutes bench? My Hammer number 12 is going to be a controversial choice but I don't care. Yes he is hated now, yes his contribution to the West Ham cause is the subject of debate and some might say, derision, but as the best player we have produced since Trevor Brooking, I think he merits his place just outside the top 11. So, here goes, number twelve is Frank Lampard Junior.

You what? Above Di Canio? Above Pop Robson? Above Julian Dicks? What about the rule of winning something? Inconsistent, outrageous, disgraceful! Blah, blah, blah.

Knock him as much as you like but Lampard is class and always has been. Those who do knock him should remember that we sold him for a tidy £11m, as long ago as 2001. Many Chelsea fans were amazed by the size of the fee, feeling that we had stitched them up, but little did they know the incredible contribution Lampard would make for the Plastics. When you consider that Abromovitch could buy anybody he wants, it says so much for Lampard's ability that he has not only been a fixture but a genuine star amongst a galaxy of stars over almost a decade. Joe Cole? Good player, but he can't hold down a regular place in the Chelsea team can he? Deco? Looks tasty to me, but Lampard has always been picked ahead of him. Bollocks is a star in the German national team, but he soon found out who was boss in the Chelsea midfield didn't he? Only Essien and Makele compete with Lampard for status and achievement in the Chelsea midfield and it says everything about him that he would probably figure in an all time Chelsea Greats team, never mind West Ham! Essien, Hudson, Lampard and Cooke would be a midfield to compete with most! Up front? Drogba and Osgood. But back to West Ham!

Had we not sacked his uncle and dad, who knows what Frank might have achieved for West Ham. Yes he submitted a transfer request but wouldn't you in the circumstances? Before that defining disaster of a decision, ushering in the Roeder years, Lampard had clocked up 170 starts, scoring 38 goals at a rate not far off one in every four games - hugely impressive for a midfield kid. Remember, Lampard was still only 22 when we sold him! We are excited about Hines at the moment, raving about a "young kid", but Hines is only a year younger than Lampard was when he left us! Look at the excuses being made for Tomkins at the moment based around his age and inexperience - by the time he was Tomkins age, Lampard had already clocked up close to 100 first team appearances! The Lampard knockers complain about his inconsistency, but what kid isn't inconsistent? The truth is, he was a wonderfully precocious player at West Ham who has matured into the real deal at Chelsea. Imagine, for a moment, what we might have achieved with an 18-20 goal a season contribution from a mature Lampard! What a waste! In his last two seasons for us, when he was still in his early twenties, Frank chipped in with 23 goals from 86 games - playing for a team that wasn't exactly pushing for honours. That is a superb record for any midfielder, never mind for a kid playing in midfield.

Oh, and by the way, Frank did win something with us - the Inter Toto Cup, scoring in the second leg of the final in Metz, in a 3-1 victory. So stuff that in your pipe and smoke it!

Tottenham Lucky Sunderland Didn't Buy 'Arry's Wife


Let's face it, had Bruce put in a bid, with the offer of an under the table kickback, I'm sure 'Arry would gladly have let his old lady move up north. God help Tottenham then when the penalty was awarded!

Instead, Bruce chose 'Arry's wife's understudy and the rest, as they say, is history! Had that penalty been tucked away, Sunderland would probably have gone on to claim all three points!

Bent for England? He missed a stack full of chances against us last week and can't even beat Gomes from the penalty spot! Come on Capello, check out 'Arry's wife! She may even sport a Brazilian!

Big Dick Van Dyke To West Ham's Rescue!


Chim chiminey
Chim chiminey
Chim chim cher-ee!
West Ham are as lucky
As lucky can be

Chim chiminey
Chim chiminey
Chim chim cher-oo!
Good luck will rub off when
I shake 'ands with you
Or blow me a kiss
And that's lucky too

Now as the table of life
'As been strung
You may think an 'Ammer's
On the bottommost rung

Though we spends our time
In the bottom three and covered in shite
In this 'ole wide world
There's no 'appier club!

Just when we were wondering where our next pay day was coming from, along comes Beano's specialist Medical Big Dick Van Dyke and, like Mary Poppins herself, utters Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, or Super-dean-ashton's-chances-of-ever-playing-again-are-really-quite-atrocious, and all our troubles go away! We are about to launch a compensation claim, it seems, for the injury Ashton received on England duty, seeking a maximum pay out which may be big enough for us to retain Upson and buy Chamack into the bargain, whilst shaving 70k a week off our wage bill.

I wonder, if the FA try to defend the claim and point to the selection of an injured Beano by West Ham exacerbating the injury, could we put in a claim against Curbishley? Talk about killing two birds with one stone!

Of course you have to feel sorry for Ashton in all this. He was an exciting talent and may well have been an England regular by now but for that Wright-Phillips tackle in that England training session. Shame. But if he is going to retire then let's get it sorted so we can beat on the FA's door and demand, "Show me the money!"

Have Tottenham Hit Their Glass Ceiling Under 'Arry?


Glance at the table and it looks both exciting and worrying for Tottenham. There they are in fifth place, level on points with fourth place Man City, with their heads touching the Champions League cut off line and their feet planted firmly on the Europa League floor. The position looks even stronger when you take into account that in their first 11 games, Tottenham have played all four of the traditional Big 4. It hasn't been an easy start to the season in terms of fixtures but Tottenham have kept up with the pace so far.

If this was West Ham, we would, of course, be absolutely delighted; no, we would be in seventh Heaven. But this isn't West Ham, this is the mighty Tottenham Hotspur, double winners as recently as 1961 and winners of that top piece of silverware, the League Cup in 2007-08 and 1998-99. The question is, can Tottenham now push on under 'Arry?

Redknapp has, indisputably, done a brilliant job so far, turning round Tottenham's fortunes last season and carrying the winning momentum into this; and Levy has played him superbly, backing his manager by allowing him to sign both key and squad players: Crouch, Palacios, Kranjcar, Cudicini, Keane and Defoe. I'm not sure how much that lot cost but it can't be far off £50m.

But at the same tme, I have a sense that Levy has put 'Arry on a choke chain and is not adverse to giving it a tug when 'Arry, in the transfer window, starts acting like a dog with two dicks near a bitch in season. The failure to sign Upson, Spector and James in the last window points to this. I am sure that 'Arry was keen to splash the cash but Levy held him back, pointing, no doubt, to the cover that already existed for the positions in question. Yes, Levy saw the need for a left sided midfielder, but did Tottenham really need a fifth centre back, a third/fourth keeper and yet another mediocre defender? 'Arry thought so, and as the injuries started to mount, so the rumour went around the he was about to part from Tottenham. That has never been fully explained (betting syndicates usually pile in on a whiff of a rumour, not on thin air) but my take on it was that words were possibly exchanged between manager and chairman, something along the lines of, "Can you see now why we needed those players?" with 'Arry overstepping the mark in his choice of language.

So Tottenham are in fifth place but can they maintain it, or push even higher? The game against Arsenal last week probably put things into perspective. This remains a team with a weak underbelly, a side that collapses when it takes a punch in the solar plexus. That Fabregas goal was both brilliant and absurd and illustrated all Tottenham's old frailties. Just like in 2005-06, when it comes to the crunch, Tottenham can still be found hiding in the toilets complaining of a pain their guts. They just haven't got the stomach for a fight it seems, as the limping wimp Lennon showed against Stoke City.

If the Arsenal game was a reality check, the defeat at home to Stoke was a warning shot not across the bows, but square into the prow. Shorn of Modric, Defoe and then Lennon, Tottenham looked decidedly ordinary and, as Liverpool are showing, if you are too dependent on a couple of key players, then you are going to struggle to maintain a challenge.

The biggest limiter, as far as I am concerned, however, is our old friend 'Arry. The bitter truth is that in all his years of management, 'Arry has only ever won one pot, and that was an FA Cup when fate conspired for the Big 4 to implode in the competition, leaving Portsmouth to play Cardiff City in the final. The Pompey win at Man Utd has to be one of the luckiest victories of all time and 'Arry must surely have sold his soul to the Devil to have had Chance so much on his side in that one! Take away that and what have you got? Zilch, nothing, a big fat zero. And how much has 'Arry invested over the years to win that one trophy? Well every club he has ever managed is currently in a state of financial melt down! Apart from Benitez, has any other manager had so many players pass through his hands as 'Arry for so little actual return on the money spent?

Tottenham's head is touching that glass ceiling at the moment and the pressure is already telling. Liverpool and Villa are beneath them and are expected to finish higher than their present positions and Unreal City are level on points above but have a game in hand and will strengthen still further in January. Arsenal, Man Utd and Chelsea, it seems are still in a different league. I wonder, if Tottenham settle back into seventh or eighth place, will that be enough to keep 'Arry in employment? I doubt it. If Bent comes back to haunt him today, 'Arry might start looking around for his insurance policy! I'm not sure when 'Arry will jump ship or be chucked overboard but you can bet your life that if mid table obscurity beckons next March, 'Arry will be looking for a lifeboat and Levy will be plotting yet another change of direction. I wonder, would Pompey have 'Arry back a third time? And of course, Ramos, Hoddle and George Graham are all out of work at the moment!

Friday, 6 November 2009

Come On Iain Dale, Follow Katy Perry's Example!


Earlier this week I blogged the following:

"So Phil Jupitus is cramming his considerable belly, huge fat Uranus and sagging breasts into women's clothing and, no doubt getting quite a thrill out of it. If BBWs turn you on, then Phil will surely be one of your pin up fantasies! But if Jupitus can do it, why shouldn't another West Ham fan follow his lead to further his ambitions?

With the advent of "all women short lists" for prospective Conservative party candidates, surely this is now the way forward for Bracknell and Sandhurst reject Iain I'm Thinking Of Closing Down My Blog Because People Are Nasty To Me Dale. I must say he would make an ugly chic but a trip down to Evans, the shop for larger ladies, may just pay dividends for the would be Furher. Who knows, he might enjoy it and find "This lady is for turning!"

Now Katy Perry has modelled the ideal outfit for a would be West Ham Tory Tranny! Couldn't you just picture Dale dressed up like that, his eyes made up in best Clockwork Orange fashion?

Meanwhile, I think Katy was trying to join in the 4-4-2 or 4-3-3 debate, doing her very best to tell Zola to play two up top!

Lawro Says...


Never mind his predictions, if he knew what he was talking about, he would earn millions from betting and not need to worry about punditry. No, more importantly, he was asked on Radio 5 if he had ever been asked to play with an injury and he replied, "All the time".

He went on to say that it is part of the game, playing through pain and discomfort. He added, "All players want to play" but then corrected himself with, "Well most do anyway." I wonder if he had Dyer, Gabbidon and Ashton in mind when he felt the need to correct himself?

"How's your week been Beano?"
"Exhausting Kieron mate, I've turned over twice today and somebody walked off with the remote so I had to get up to turn over the telly."
"You walked Beano? Taking a chance there, weren't we?"

Thursday, 5 November 2009

Tottenham Should Be Our Model


Remember the mess the Cockyfools were in last season until 'Arry turned up and turned around their season? Well, take a look at the table and it shows us just eight points behind Liverpool and only nine points off a Champions League place. I'm not suggesting for one moment that we are in the running for a top four spot, but I am saying that suddenly all the doom and gloom can be put into perspective. Tottenham's start last season was worse than ours this, and they only narrowly missed out on European qualification. A top ten finish, therefore, is not yet beyond us.

Realistically, we have to set our sights now on overhauling the likes of Bolton, Stoke, Burnley, Birmingham, Fulham and Wigan. Being intoxicated on the Spirit of the Apocalypse, it is suddenly sobering to think that Wigan are only 3 points ahead of us, and our next opponents, Everton, would be overhauled should we win at the weekend. Victory then would have everybody saying, "Crisis, what crisis?"

The injury to Cole is a huge blow, but it is not the utter disaster that it threatened to be just a fortnight ago. We now know that both General Franco and Hines 69 can not only play, but score in the Premiership too. Collison and Behrami in harness together improve us massively and Parker showed how important he now is with a commanding performance last night. Strangely, the defence is now the worry but Da Costa looked surprisingly good last night so perhaps we have salvaged something from the Savio mess after all!

So, it is on and upwards, unless of course Everton and Lucas Neill give us a bloody nose and yet another reality check! Roll up, roll up for the great West Ham United Roller Coaster Ride!

Faubert and Spector, Clowns Or Unsung Heroes?


Is it perhaps time to give our Laurel and Hardy options for full back a break? I know we have had occasions enough to think, "That's another fine mess you've got us into" as Oliver Faubert and Stanley Spector have looked like our very own slapstick clowns, but last night they aquitted themselves well in an epic victory.

Poor Spector found himself out of position and on the field despite a huge thumbs down from his manager after Saturday's limp second half showing (How bad must you be, he must have been wondering, to hear the words, "We think Faubert is a better option"?) and up against a rampant Villa team. Faubert, meanwhile, was asked to counter Young - not an easy job given the instinct of the England man to cut inside, onto Faubert's wrong foot. I know Young scored one but I don't think any defence in the world would have stopped that goal - he had no right to shoot from there and, sometimes, you just have to put your hands up and say, "Fair enough, that was brilliant, you deserved to score."

Neither Faubert nor Spector did anything brilliant on the night, although Spector did make one tremendous surge into the box only to be denied by Ginge, and Faubert very nearly set up General Franco for a goal. But they are not in the team to take our breath away, they are there to stop the opposition from scoring and they very nearly achieved that.

Faubert looked hungry last night and his celebration was both joyous and impassioned. Le Sulk probably would prefer to be somewhere else but he is playing for the shirt at the moment and, a couple of dodgy performances apart, has actually impressed so far this season. Spector, we should remember, was a fixture in the USA defence when they reached the Confederations Cup final, claiming Spain's scalp along the way.

Of course we would rather have Stewart and Dicks or Repka and Lampard, but beggars can't be choosers so perhaps we should just give a little respect to our two unsung heroes!