Tuesday, 31 July 2012

Warnock Set To Add Another Piece To His Leeds Dream Team

Having recruited four players from Portsmouth, Warnock is now hoping to add a fifth relegated player to his squad, Coventry City's Martin Cranie. The Coventry man is available on a free, not that money should be a worry with billionaire owners just around the corner - although that corner is proving to be something of a hairpin bend coated in ice, an oil slick and broken glass!

Now I know Warnock is determined to get Leeds out of the Championship but I think it is about time that somebody mentioned that the idea is to secure promotion to the Premiership, not relegation to Division One! Quite why five players who struggled last season will suddenly transform into match winners when in a Leeds shirt is something of a mystery to anybody other than the die hard Leeds fans who will hear no criticism of their club. Perhaps Leeds will add Maynard to the ranks too. Ignore the fact that he was promoted with West Ham last season, the guy only scored two goals in Claret and Blue and spent half the season at Bristol City - in a relegation place!

It may well be that West Ham will return to the Championship after a year's holiday in the Prem but there's no guarantee we will play Leeds even if we do, because, at this rate, we will still be a division above the once mighty Whites.

Meanwhile, does anybody know when this take over will happen exactly?

Defenders Arriving Like London Buses! Does Sullivan Read This Blog?

No sooner did I post that we needed three defenders than we edge closer to landing three defenders. It was frightfully impolite of me to call Sullivan stupid, and I take it back given work has clearly been going on behind the scenes to strengthen the defence. Two centre backs and a left back - Ramis, Collins & Boenisch - is exactly what the doctor ordered!

As for Collins, I was calling for him to be signed before the end of last season. I see him as the ideal partner for Tomkins. No nonsense and a forehead like a brick shit house when the ball is crossed into the box. With Diame sitting in front of the back four, there is suddenly a sense of solidity - and boy do we need that!

Kazim Richards may also be on the way. I'm ambivalent about that one to be honest and suspect there are better players out there, but he has done well in the friendlies apparently so maybe he deserves a chance. The interesting thing is that Maiga started as a winger, so he Vaz Te and Cole could all be used together if Allardyce is feeling positive!

So, assuming the three defenders all arrive like London buses we are now looking at a team like this:

Demel  Tomkins Collins Boenisch
Diame Noble
Vaz Te   Maiga

Subs: Henderson, McCartney, Ramis, Maynard, Morrison, Taylor, O'Neil

Apart from the fact that I know nothing about the Pole and that Demel is a yard dog, that side looks good enough to stay up to me!

Monday, 30 July 2012

TGGC Fantasy Football League

Nice to see, you, to see you nice. You get nothing for a pair, not in this game. Now then, let's see what's on the conveyor belt this season shall we? Good game, good game! You're such a lovely readership, so much better than last week's!

Stani has come over all Bruce Forsyth again - and that's no way to treat a Knight of the Realm! - and set up another fantasy game.

I lost interest early doors last season but will try harder to maintain focus this time around. Let's face it, we don't want a Millwall fan winning it again do we?

If you fancy entering a team, follow Stani's instructions:
CODE TO JOIN LEAGUE: 111681-98623

All right my loves? We asked a hundred people the name of Stani's captain and eighty four replied Mark Noble!

What a load of Baldocks!

So it looks like Little Sam is being off loaded to Bristol City for a fee of around £1.5m. There were such high hopes when we signed the guy from Milton Keynes Dons and when he found the net a few times early doors, it really did look as if we had unearthed a nugget. Sadly Allardyce has decided the boy is yet more Fools Gold.

Who has been scoring all our pre season goals? That would be Baldock. Who has most scope for improvement amongst our clutch of strikers? That would be Baldock. Who is the most lightweight physically? That, of course, would be Baldock too.

Allardyce, as we know, operates on the basis of "If you're big enough, you're good enough" and given his determination to play 4-5-1 / 4-3-3, there was never going to be a berth for a little striker to lead the line. The big question is, why on earth Allardyce ever signed him in the first place?

No complaints from me about selling him. There's not exactly a queue of clubs in for him, suggesting he is not "all that" and we have too many strikers already, even before we sign Carroll, or Tevez or who ever else the spin machine nominates this week!

At last, a GB Winner at the London Olympics!

Never mind the medals, get a load of that body! Her team mate looks more like your typical British sports woman, but Zara Dampney is a real winner in my book!

That guy in the background is clearly checking out her form! Mind you, the sporting credibility of Beach Volley Ball was put nicely into perspective during Dampney's eye candy performance, when some wag played the theme tune to Benny Hill!

I'm leading the chase because the view from behind is best of all !

Sunday, 29 July 2012

Allardyce Remains Positive After Narrowly Avoiding Another Pre Season Defeat

Speaking after narrowly avoiding yet another pre season defeat, Doctor Evil enthused:

"This is the ideal preparation for the new season. The lads have to understand that in the Prem they are going to lose a lot more games than they win, so we have to prepare the boys mentally for that. Last season we had a problem winning games, this season the challenge is going to be avoiding defeat."

"It's great that both Jussi and Hendo have made mistakes in the warm up games. We don't want the fans expecting too much of these boys as the pressure of expectation can get to keepers. Both keepers featured in relegation battles last season so know what to expect in the coming season. That has to stand them in good stead. Especially Jussi. He needs the practise of bending to get the ball out of the back of the net because, at his age, back problems are always a possibility, as are senile dementia, arthritis and incontinence issues."

"It's also pleasing that the strikers are not scoring goals - apart from Baldock and, come the kick off, he won't be in my team. It's not easy to net in the Prem so again we need them to stay strong when not making the net bulge regularly. The big disappointment at the moment is that Tomkins and Diame are not with the squad. But I'm confident that JT will get used to losing with Team GB so he should be tuned up perfectly. I'm not sure about Momo but I doubt Senegal will pull up any trees given they couldn't beat Giggs and co."

"And fans should not forget we have been playing Germans. OK, second rank Germans but Germans nevertheless. True Birmingham managed a draw against Bundesleiga side Munchengladbach and were unlucky not to win, but that should not detract from our efforts in any way."

"And remember, there's still big name signings to come. Players like Andy Carroll and Kaka would make a real difference to this team I can assure you!"

"Of course there's still things we need to work on. We are not getting the ball into the opposition box often enough and a lot of our passing lacks altitude and distance but that will be sorted before the season kicks off, don't worry. I didn't get where I am today by playing ticky tap football, I can tell you!"

Daily Express Takes West Ham Fans For Mugs

Well talk about fishing for hits! I've seen some nonesense on the net and in our "nationals" but the Express claim that we want Jarvis takes the biscuit! Talk about a non story. To save you hitting the site and feeding their advertising I carry the "article" in its entirety:

"WEST HAM lead the chase for Wolves winger Matt Jarvis but the £10m price tag is a stumbling block."

Yep, that's it! We want a player but can't afford him  or don't want to pay what Wolves think he is worth. I'm surprised the Express focused on Jarvis. Why not Tevez or Messi or Van Persie? Or how about the Express reverts to type and runs with:

"WEST HAM lead the chase for former Royal Diana Spencer but her murder by MI5 is a stumbling block."

Saturday, 28 July 2012

Karma Strikes For Tottenham's Bale

Oh dear, what a shame. Poor Gareth had to be replaced at half time after being taken out by Charlie Adam in the bore draw exhibition game between Spurs and Liverpool. Let's hope it isn't too serious but serious enough to make him miss the start of the season. That might teach Tottenham a lesson!

Ramis On His Way - But More Needed!

Ivan Ramis Ivan Ramis (L) of Mallorca tackles Eidur Gudjohnsen of Barcelona during the La Liga match between Mallorca and Barcelona at the Ono Estadi stadium on May 17, 2009 in Palma de Mallorca, Spain.  (Photo by Denis Doyle/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Eidur Gudjohnsen;Ivan Ramis

How good is he? No idea! But he is a defender and we desperately need a defender. In fact we desperately need three defenders so this is a start. Presumably he is going to play at centre back alongside Tomkins with Reid offering questionable cover. That still leaves us needing two full backs and another centre back for cover in my opinion.

Old Man McCartney Brings Curtain Down In Olympic Stadium

Highly predictable and sadly rather naff - the old boy has seen far better days and, in consequence, failed to live up to his top billing. That and the fact it was two hours too long apart, the Opening Ceremony was a triumph. How magnificent was the lighting of the torch? Fair brought a tear to this old cynic's eye.

But let's hope that old man McCartney performing poorly in the Olympic Stadium is not an omen for the future. George surely won't be our left back by then, will he?

Friday, 27 July 2012

So Did The Leeds Anthem Feature In The Olympics Opening Ceremony?

Who is the bigger club now then? Blowing bubbles out of Danny Boyle's backside apparently! A little teaser as to the new occupants of the Olympic Stadium perhaps?

Another Amazing Olympics Gaff!

Why the hell was a sample of Enola Gay played in the opening ceremony? What was Danny Boyle saying to the Japanese exactly? Remember Hiroshima?

Dresdening The Coming Season After Three Goal Hammering!

Well I posted earlier that it was "the defence stupid", and tonight's performance and result against a SECOND DIVISION German team says it all. If this doesn't shake Allardyce and Sullivan from their torpor, God knows what will.

A while back Gold talked of making four or five signings this summer, and we have already signed three bloody keepers. If the twats think putting Andy Carroll in this team will keep us up, then God help us!

I'm not going to repeat everything I said in my last thread but I ended by saying that Carroll would not win us any points if the defence shipped three goals every game - and that was pretty bloody prescient wasn't it! We need a defence. Mind you, on this showing we need a midfield and an attack too.

How many weeks is it to the big kick off and we look a complete a complete bloody shambles! And Diame, Tomkins and Nolan will not make that much difference!

At this rate I'll be the first to say, "Allardyce Out!"


Leeds United Capture Another Target

How many Portsmouth players do Leeds want exactly? Norris makes four, joining Ashdown, Varney and Pearce. And what's the attraction? Top quality players? If so, why did Pompey get relegated? Because they are cheap then? Heaven forbid!

Snodgrass has been sold for £1.5m up front - a pittance for a quality midfield player - and £250,000 has been splashed on Norris. It really is getting increasingly more difficult to tally all this with suggestions of a billionaire consortium buying out the once mighty Whites isn't it?

Somebody Tell Sullivan It's The Defence Stupid!

I know defenders don't grab the headlines like strikers do and so don't sell season tickets, but if we are to stay in the Prem, we urgently need new defenders. Demel was ripped to pieces in the Play Off final and is not a Premiership right back - even when fit - and McCartney is barely Championship standard at left back.

Some of us were feeling pretty optimistic about Tomkins, but the Olympic warm up game against Brazil showed that, for all his apparent brilliance in the Championship, the boy remains slow of foot and thought when it comes to playing against the big boys. And Reid, as we know, has limitations.

So even the first choice back four looks inadequate, but what happens when any of them are injured or suspended? Who comes in exactly? O'Brien at right back. OK but he doesn't inspire confidence does he? Taylor at left back. He looked even worse than Demel against Blackpool. The kid Potts? Frightening for all the boy's promise. Who covers the centre backs exactly? Spence who couldn't make the Bristol City first team?

The defensive cupboard is frighteningly bare, yet we hear all this bollocks about chasing Andy Carroll. Are we planning on using him as a centre half given his paucity of goals for Liverpool?

I don't want to hear cobblers about how many weeks there are before the window closes, we have to pick up points early doors to survive and a defensive unit needs to be drilled to be effective. As every day ticks by without new defensive recruits - and we need at least three - the chances of us surviving in the Prem recede.

Wake up and smell the coffee Sullivan. If we ship three goals every game, no amount of strikers is going to keep us in the Premiership! Either we build from the back or its back to the Championship!

LUST Just Don't Get It As Leeds Take Over Meanders On

Bless! LUST just don't understand what's involved in this take over business do they? With Captain Snakeinthegrass slithering off to the fens of Norfolk and an army of nobodies recruited by Warnock despite the oil money supposedly about to pump through the pipe lines, LUST have woken up from their complacent torpor and demanded information.

The statement, however, betrays a complete lack of understanding of who they are dealing with. If the club is, indeed, being bought by Bahrainis, there is going to be nothing but contempt for appeals to be kept in the loop.

The naivity of the final paragraph is incredible as LUST whine: "By not responding to calls from the fans for information, the new owners are not beginning this key relationship in a positive way. Our members want to support a transparent and open Leeds United and being kept in the dark about who currently owns or runs their football club does nothing to achieve this."

Do these guys have any sense of how things are done in Bahrain? Do they not watch the news? Did they not see the pictures of peaceful protestors being shot in the street? If LUST want a transparent and democratic club, the last thing they need is Middle Eastern owners.

And here is the rub. What sort of Leeds United do these shallow fans want to support? Do they have no sense of moral decency? The new owners may pass the FA's fit and proper person test, but the World Cup is heading for Qatar where homosexuality is a criminal offence and where women are treated as second class citizens, so it is clear that wider issues are ignored when it comes to football.

I would hate it if Arabs bought out West Ham and I would personally back an England boycott of the World Cup in Qatar to prove that morality matters more than money. What's Bahrain's position on Syria I wonder? How much of the hoped for money is blood money exactly?

IF the take over ever happens, perhaps Leeds should change their kit: all white with a blood red stain across the chest!

Thursday, 26 July 2012

Giggs Fails In Responsibility As Team GB Captain

Staying silent: Welsh footballers Ryan Giggs, (pictured) and Craig Bellamy were criticised for failing to sing the National Anthem at the first British men¿s football match of the Olympics

What an arrogant twat. Now I will admit from the off that I am not a monarchist, but I'm also an atheist and still bow my head if in Church for the Lord's Prayer and sing along with the hymms. It is what is known as showing respect.

Sadly Giggs does not seem to understand the meaning of the word. Pearce went out on a limb for him, appointing him captain and leaving out the fiercely loyal and patriotic Beckham in the process. So how does the tosser respond? By refusing to sing the National Anthem for the opening fixture of the Olympics in the year of the Queen's Jubilee.

I don't care about his politics. He is the captain of the Great Britain team and whether he likes it or not, the Queen is our Head of State. And what is more, as a republican, I am willing to accept that if there were to be a referendum, an overwhelming majority would vote to retain the monarchy. If Giggs doesn't like being part of Great Britain, he shouldn't have accepted the captaincy of the team.

Pearce should strip him of the armband immediately and offer a public apology to Beckham for overlooking him. Today's result showed that we don't stand a cat in hell's chance of winning the competition anyway so any argument about selecting the strongest team is academic. Giggs demonstrated what a contemptible individual he is when he took out that Super Injuction and regularly missed Wales games, even before his arrogant decision to retire from international football, showing how he puts himself before his country, let alone Great Britain.

Beckham would have thrust out his chest and sung the anthem with pride rather than shame the nation. He should have been named captain. End of argument.

Crass Mistake Kicks Off Olympics

Only in Britain! We haven't even had the Opening Ceremony but we have still managed the biggest cock up in Olympic history with the South Korean flag being shown on the big screen for a North Korean fixture. As mix ups go, that is a special one!

Well done to the Commies for storming off and refusing to return for an hour! Coe must be wishing we hadn't won the bid as each day goes by, with cock ups mounting on cock ups. How, exactly, can the organisers get something that basic and fundamental wrong?

Spurs Show True Colours In London 2012 Bale Out

Typical! The decision to select Bale for a meaningles friendly when he is supposedly too injured to play for Team GB says it all. Whilst Brazilian stars are missing domestic league games to represent their nation on the other side of the world, Bale and Spurs have put two fingers up to the Olympics and to FIFA by opting to fly Bale to the USA and select him before the Olympics has even kicked off.

Apparently Pearce isn't going to call for Bale's suspension but a ban should be automatic - and applied to competitive fixtures to make it meaningful. And sanctions shouldn't just apply to the player. Spurs have knifed the nation in the back on the eve of the big Olympic kick off and should be brought to book for displaying such arrogant contempt for the spirit of the game.

And to think they had the bloody nerve to bid for the Olympic Stadium!

Wednesday, 25 July 2012

Brucie and Macca Make Case For Beckham

Would have been nice to see him, to see him nice. Bruce Forsyth has criticised the exclusion of Beckham from the GB Olympics team, supporting Sir Paul McCartney, who termed Pearce an "idiot" for leaving out the former England captain.

The performance against Brazil showed that we stand no chance of winning the tournament, just as I said when the squad was picked, meaning that the exclusion of Beckham is simply a PR cock up of the highest order. Coe must have been seething when he heard the news and Pearce has effectively signed his UB40 by making such a crass decision.

Who will employ him now exactly?

Last Chance Saloon For Leeds, Leicester, Watford and Nottingham Forest

Leeds fans keep rabbiting on about the Financial Fair Play rules to justify low expenditure on players, but they are missing out on one very crucial point. There are NO sanctions for any teams breaking the rules until December 1, 2014.

That means that any of the clubs recently, or soon to be, taken over by cash rich owners, are at total liberty to spend what the FA they like in order to get out of the Championship and into the promised land of the Prem.

And let's face it, the need to escape the clutches of the Championship has never been greater. In two years time, there will be approximating to a level playing field for all teams rooted in the division, so a glorious past will do the likes of Leeds and Forest no good whatsoever. True they will generate more revenue than the likes of Barnsley but the gap will not be so huge as to make a material difference. However, teams relegated from the Premiership will have a massive advantage as they will retain a huge parachute payment, enabling them to outspend all the teams in the division below - and to offer higher salaries to coax away their rivals' better players into the bargain.

In fact, the new arrangement will give birth to the genuine Yo Yo club, as a team falling from the Prem will be at such a massive advantage against their rivals that they will be virtually guaranteed a return. So, to all those Leeds fans trying to score points by predicting that West Ham will plummet back down again this year, I reply, "You are missing the point"! A relegated team will, from now on, be the equivalent of Man City in the Prem!

So it really is shit or bust time. If Leeds, Forest, Watford and Leicester want to capitalise on wealthy owners, they have to do it now - or never! Which is why it is so strange that Leeds are populating their squad with cheap dross and are not offering huge wages to keep the likes of Snodgrass. True Leicester proved last season that spending big is no guarantee to success, but if a club isn't going to gamble now, the ambition must be close to zero!

If I was Bahraini and buying Leeds, I would be rushing through the deal and buying a squad capable of walking the division, not twiddling my thumbs and allowing the transfer window to tick away to virtually nothing. And if I was Kuwaiti and owning Forest, I wouldn't have appointed a man with no experience of winning promotion to the Prem and with no profile of capturing big name, quality players! Meanwhile, if running Watford, I would have appointed a shagged out Swede rather than the Italian turnip Zola!

Wolves must be loving this! My money is on them and Birmingham to battle it out for the title.

In case you want clarification of the rules guys, follow this link:


£18m for Carroll? Hang on, my Roast Pork has started flying round the dining room!

What a load of cobblers! How many of these stories are the club going to float out in an effort to boost season ticket sales? There's no escaping the source this time as Mini Me Sullivan has been twattering about how "Dad" is going to make the biggest signing in the club's history. I thought that was McBenni, weighing in at a cool 18 stone!

It's not as if Carroll is worth £18m! Never mind whether we have £18m to spend! Nor whether he would be prepared to join us!

Tell me, with a £40k per week wage cap in place, what chance is there of Carroll joining?

Which is the bigger club, Norwich or Leeds? Ask Snodgrass!

So Captain Snakeinthegrass has cut short his Cornish holiday and headed off for contract talks with mighty Norwich City. Despite all Warnock's redoubled efforts to persuade him to stay, offering him the captaincy and a promise to build the team around him, the best player on Leeds' books has decided that the sisters are sweeter and more fun in Norfolk.

What an odd decision! Doesn't Snodgrass understand that Leeds are a huge club with a fantastic history and a wonderful future? Poor Warnock hasn't been able to tell him anything "concrete" about the take over, but surely if it is imminent, he could have been offered a confidentiality agreement to sign, and then persuaded him that remaining with a club owned by billionaire Bahrainis would be better than joining country bumkin Norwich with Delia Smith as a director!

This is madness! Snodgrass needs his head examining! Leeds are one of the biggest clubs in Europe, no, one of the biggest in the world, and Norwich are...well Norwich! How many Premiership titles have Norwich won? How many times have Norwich played in the Champions League? Marching On Together in Norwich? MOT stands for Mother On Top in Norfolk!

But Snodgrass has decided that Norwich are the better bet. Makes you wonder about this take over doesn't it? And makes you understand why Leeds were suddenly able to bid for Maynard - not that they have bid for Maynard you understand. A telephone enquiry is not a bid! Most definitely not!

So how much will Norwich pay? £2.5m? Putting Bates and Leeds in profit for the summer dealings even if £1.5m is splashed on Maynard!

So much for the Bahraini Billionaires! Snakeinthegrass clearly doesn't reckon them!

It's Bahraining Men at Leeds

So Mega Monday passed with no news on the buy out, Take Over Tuesday came and went and now we hit Wonderful Wednesday. A couple of threads tried to persuade us yesterday that they knew the identity of the prospective owner of Leeds United, but it all remains little more than speculation. Those books are taking a long time to check aren't they?

Meanwhile, players are Bahraining down on Elland Road. None of them are much cop, and none of them stand a cat in hell's chance of cutting it in the Prem, but Warnock is on a mission and there's no holding him back. He wants a squad. And to be fair, if four or five big signings follow when the Arab oil tap is turned on, then Leeds may yet be a force in the Championship this season.

I know Leeds fans think I am obsessing about their club but the truth is, Leeds are the big story at the moment. And if I was Warnock, I would be sweating. If the new owners are Bahraini, they don't mess around when it comes to summary justice. He's been sacked a few times, but Warnock hasn't been shot on his way out of the office - yet!

Leeds have some challenging fixtures at the start of the season and if they don't hit the ground running, Warnock will be in trouble. And his challenge is to blend all these new signings into a team. How often did West Ham fans trot out the line, "It takes time for a team to gel" last season? An early punch in the solar plexus could leave Leeds doubled up and gasping.

Meanwhile, Maynard is supposedly the first of the "big" signings. I've made my feelings clear on the West Ham misfit - Leeds can have him. If that is a "big" signing, then the Bahrainis would appear to be a little less affluent than Man City's owners!

Meanwhile, there's sod all happening at West Ham!

Tuesday, 24 July 2012

Time to Offload Maynard to Leeds

If Leeds want him, Leeds can have him. Allardyce couldn't find a way of accommodating Maynard in the team when we were in the Championship so I can't see the point of holding on to him in the Prem.

The brutal truth is that Maynard is, at best, average. Leeds fans are wetting their pants at the thought of signing him but when they are feeding off of scraps like Varney and Ashdown, is it any wonder that they greet the news of interest in Maynard as if they are on the point of signing Messi?

Should Leeds stump up what we paid to sign him, I would get rid pronto. He is better than the dross that Warnock has signed to date but he is not good enough to wear Claret and Blue!

Leeds United Bid For West Ham Reserve Maynard Falls Short

Would you Adam & Eve it? The mighty Leeds United want a West Ham reserve striker and can't afford our asking price! And with all that oil money pumping through the pipe line anytime soon! How odd!

Never mind guys, if our players are too expensive for you, Sullivan & Gold have a few products that you could purchase to shove up Master Bates if he is still in charge when the transfer window slams shut!

Meanwhile, Leeds United fans have everything crossed, hoping today is Take Over Tuesday! We will just have to Kuwait and see!

How many keepers does one club need?

With the priorities pace and flair in midfield and defensive gumption at the back, West Ham just keep signing keepers. OK we have lost Green, but do we really need Juicy, Henderson and now Spiegel, who sounds like a Swallow from Mossad reporting in the German press!

None of us know anything about this kid, like none of us knew anything about Stech, Boffin and Lastpickever - and looked what happened to them!

Instead of buggering around forming a foreign legion academy for Yeovil Town, our resident muppets Sullivan & Gold need to get their product out of their backsides and start recruiting players with the ability to keep us in the Prem. As things stand, we are in for a season of struggle with a capital S!

Monday, 23 July 2012

Mega Monday As Leeds United Sign Four!

At last, the mystery buyer of Leeds United has been revealed - it's Primark! Who cares about the quality, feel the width! If he can run and is willing to sign a cheap contract, Warnock and Leeds will have him! Four signings in one day! It's a good job Woolworths has closed down, or the suspicion would be that Warnock's mum had left him unattended at the Pic N Mix counter!

Austin All Agro, a gift in an All Bran packet apparently, Varney arriving on a double decker bus, Fifty Shades of Gray and none of them exciting and Pants Down Ashdown make up the sensational quartet for today! What a day at the office for Warnock!

Anybody might think that this billionaire take over is black pudding in the sky looking at the dross Warnock is signing! Why shop in Poundland when you have billions of pounds about to pump through the pipeline for pity's sake?

Anybody want a bet on Snakeinthegrass joining Norwich or Villa before the season starts, putting Leeds into profit on the summer transfer dealings?

This stinks! And Master Bates is dropping silent ones which Leeds fans are sniffing and calling boquet garni! Have a big sniff guys, because it's looking more and more as if you are being taken for mugs!

But still, tomorrow could yet be Takeover Tuesday!

QPR's Green Off To Blunderful Start In Indonesia!

You couldn't write it! QPR fans have been gloating over the capture of England's 666, but as soon as he pulls on a gRs shirt, dear old Rob promptly hands a goal to the no mark Indonesian opponents. High ball into the ball, up goes Green under no pressure, and he drops the bloody ball. Gooaaaaaaaaallllllllll!

Not sure if this will make it on to the QPR News Now board, but if it does guys, best get used to this! Before you know it, you'll be remembering Paddy Ha Ha Kenny affectionately!

If you have a dodgy heart, best look away every time the ball is crossed into the box! And watch out for long shots too. Anything from outside the box tends to take Rob by surprise. And any free kick within goal scoring range is a certain goal if on target because Rob's wall building belongs in Jericho!

Will this be Mega Monday for Leeds United? Or...

(For the latest West Ham thread, follow this link: http://thegamesgonecrazy.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/sort-out-nobles-contract-now.html)
After Silent Sunday, will it be Mega Monday for Leeds United, with the protracted take over announced today? Or must we wait for Take Over Tuesday? Or Wonderful Wednesday perhaps? Or maybe Thank God Thursday? Or Thank Crunchie it's Friday?

Master Bates has woken up in his mansion and sat down to breakfast, belching as he eats his bacon and eggs, pushing to the side of the plate the unwanted Northern muck known as Black Pudding. What to do? What to do?

The phone rings. It's Warnock. Morning Neil. Money for players? Of course Neil, of course, once the take over has happened. In the meantime, there's a couple of Pompey players looking to move. I know they're not much cop Neil but that's the sort of player you specialise in. Magical ability to motivate, inspire, blend. And we've signed the boy White for you after he found nobody else was willing to up his wages.

News on the take over? These things take time Neil. Stamford Bridge wasn't rebuilt in a day. You're worried nothing is happening? Don't be daft! What do you take me for? Now get your arse down to the training field and get the boys fired up and fit for the new season.

Bates hangs up the phone and picks up his copy of the Times before deciding to go back to bed for a little nap. No news is good news, he mutters as he climbs beneath the duvet and slips quickly into the land of nod, dreaming contentedly of happy Leeds fans awaiting the announcement of his final departure. Bastard Leeds United, he mutters in his sleep, I'll grind that club into the dirt if it is the last thing I do!

Sort out Noble's Contract Now!

If there is any truth in the rumour that we are stalling on renegotiating Noble's contract, then that is completely senseless. Love him or hate him, and I am hopeful that he will emerge as a real star this season, there is absolutely nothing to be gained from allowing his contract to run down, meaning he can walk away, Green like, at the end of the season on a free transfer.

How stupid were we with Green? I was no fan of England's 666, but had we paid him an extra 10k per week for 12 months, we could have sold him for £2m rather than given him away to QPR. That's a net profit on the one year deal of £1,480,000 if my sums are right, and we would have been in a position to choose whether or not we wanted to keep hold of him.

Noble's deal should have been a priority. He has been a loyal servant of the club and was excellent last season, making more completed passes than any other player on the books by a country mile. The last thing we need is for him to get the huff, aka Green, and to decide to leave. Sullivan and Gold are taking this sound financial management too far and need to get their product out of their arses pronto because penny pinching will see us back in the Championship before we know it.

If happy, Noble could be a positive driving force as the season kicks off; if he is unhappy with the owners, he will be a dead weight hung, albatross like, around the team's neck.

Sunday, 22 July 2012

Surreal Sunday Silence Regarding Leeds Take Over

It is getting more and more surreal at Leeds United. It's all very well for no news about the takover on a Monday to Friday basis, but come Sunday, you expect one of the rags to at least have a punt when such a major story is sitting anaethetised in the nation's news rooms.

Where is Deep Throat when you need him? Surely somebody knows something? Surely one of the Sunday Slurries should be unmasking the man behind the Leeds United buy out if a buy out is really happening?

This is a big story. Or it should be. But nothing. The silence is deafening. Just a fuzz of White Noise because Aidan has signed a new contract.

Master Bates, meanwhile, sails the White Pig through the placid waters of a turbulence free summer, picking up waifs and strays for next to nothing as the soon to be billionaire yacht drifts on untroubled by noisy natives. Before you know it, the season will be upon us and then the transfer window will have closed.

How long will the take over take I wonder? It would suit Bates if this went on for ever!

Watford's Duxbury Pulls Out West Ham Script

Change the record somebody! Whisper in the guy's ear and tell him that he needs a new speech writer. You can't trot out the same script, word for word, without somebody picking up on the fact that you've said it all before!

Here's what Scotty, the Grand Puppet Master, said back in January 2009:

"We have no intention of selling our best players, nor are we telling the manager to do so. It may be that some players are allowed to leave but no one will be going unless the manager thinks it is in the best interests of his team and it is right for the club.

"We must not be afraid of interest in or bids for our leading players. Each approach will be considered in terms of fee, fitness, form and where the manager thinks the player is in his career. Similarly, we have to consider the will of the player and whether he is committed to what we are trying to achieve. This is the only way to operate."

It may be that we have an offer that makes perfect sporting sense. But even then it will only be accepted if we have a replacement lined up who will improve the squad. A bid may be evaluated by the manager as allowing him to significantly improve his team. If he believes that the player in question cannot be replaced, he will not be sold. Players don't have to be sold but it has been clear since the arrival of Gianfranco that he is keen to have a smaller first-team squad based on quality over quantity."

Now what is Scotty claiming in Watford in July 2012?

"We don’t have to sell players but our philosophy, which is the philosophy at Udinese and it is my personal philosophy, is that we should never be scared of selling players when they are at the top of their value, as long as that money is going back into the playing squad."

“Some of the most successful clubs in the world are selling clubs – Manchester United sold Jaap Stam. The question should be not who are you selling but who are you bringing in. “Our philosophy will be not to just hold on to players because we don’t have to sell, which we don’t financially because we are fine, but if the player is at top value and we have identified through our scouting network a better and younger player, then of course we will sell."

 “But the key is that the money won’t be to fund operating losses, it will be to reinvest into the playing squad and make it better. But there is no pressure to sell to fund trading losses. The whole ambition and philosophy of the club has now changed.”

Ok the smaller squad line is missing but that's because the squad is paper thin already! In 2009, Duxbury was speaking after the sale of Bellamy, and at Watford, Mariappa has been offloaded. But not for finanacial reasons you will understand!

Consigliere Duxbury has appointed his nodding dog GianFredo Zola so there will be no complaints from the man in the manager's chair. Watford fans should check out the history of West Ham and worry!

Judas in Claret & Blue?

There's been some pretty stupid rumours banging around this summer as Sullivan and Gold seek to bump demand for season tickets, but the Daily Star's claim that we are in for Defoe surely takes the biscuit. Even if we set aside the fact that Defoe doesn't fit a 4-5-1 formation, and the fact that we can't afford him, his return to the Boleyn would be akin to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad being elected leader of Israel!

And what happened the last time we paired Defoe with a Marlian striker? Perhaps we should bring back Roeder and have done with it!

Gary Breen anybody?

Saturday, 21 July 2012

Borussia Mönchengladbach 2 Birmingham 2 - Despite The Summer Blues!

Well that was a bolt from the Blues! Despite all their problems, Birmingham not only drew 2-2 with Champions League qualifiers Borussia Mönchengladbach, they outplayed the Germans! And that was despite Gladbach fielding a full strength team and Birmingham rotating nine players by the time the game had made it to the 70th minute mark.

In fact it took a massive Curtis Davis deflection for the Germans to equalise. And this was despite the fact that Mönchengladbach came into the game on the back of two comfortable wins and, with a Champions League qualifying fixture coming up, more tuned up in terms of fitness than Birmingham.

I know it was only a friendly, but having bet on the game, I watched 70 minutes of it and you honestly would not have known which team had qualified for the Champions League, with Marlon King looking one of the
best players on the park.

After that, and I laid 0-0 so won my bet, I'm tempted to have a fiver on Birmingham to win the Championship this season!

So John Terry was Innocent!

Emblem Tote

You what? In the middle of a football match, a cauldron of a London derby in fact, a London derby that you are losing, a London derby that you are losing and which could therefore cost you the Premiership title, a London derby that you are losing and which could therefore cost you the Premiership title where you have had two players sent off, in the middle of that game, when taunted by an opponent about your sexual history, you can actually get angry and respond verbally in a way that, under normal circumstances, people might find offensive?

Well there's a shocker! So in our game last night, when a team mate failed to slip a pass to me, after I had run half the length of the pitch to support him and positioned myself so I literally had an open goal, ten yards out, and instead tried to shoot himself, promptly missing, it was ok for me to call him a "Selfish cnut!" in my anger! Bloody hell! And to think, some prize pillock in the CPS felt we needed a trial, at the expense of the taxpayer, to establish that!

Never mind football, the world has gone bloody crazy! Or Britain has at least with our namby pamby, don't say Boo to a Radley, angst ridden, I'm going to tell miss, he hurt my feelings, he called me nasty names, pathetic, angst ridden, oh so precious mentality.

Now, what's going to happen to Rio I wonder? Can he really be allowed to get away with endorsing the choc ice slur on Cole. That is far worse. That is calling Cashley an Uncle Tom, because we all know that choc ices are brown on the outside but white in the middle. Rio can squirm and argue differently, but we all know that if Terry had used that label for Anton, there would have been a massive storm in an ice cream van.

The CPS must surely act for the sake of consistency. Does somebody need to make a formal complaint to the police for something to happen? If so, I'm complaining! We can't have this! It is intolerable that, in a Twatter conversation, an offensive comment with such hideous racist overtones has been employed. Something must be done!

And whilst we are about it, anybody whose Mum has a brother called Thomas should be in the dock too!

Has Leeds Takeover Hit Snag?

I've been away and returned fully expecting to discover that Leeds United had been taken over by a Bahraini, a Saudi or a Kuwaiti and seei. But instead nothing has happened!

This is getting odder by the day. Forest are one week into their new era and have already appointed a new manager, but we still don't know the name or even the nationality of the Leeds bidder. Warnock muttered last week that there were no secrets at Leeds, and yet with tens of millions of flat capped whippet owners willing to pay a penny each for news, any news, on who the mystery buyer is, we still have no word.

Is this all a ruse? Warnock is still populating the squad with dross, suggesting he isn't anticipating the club having billions to  invest in players anytime soon, so as every day passes, the suspicion mounts. Take over, what take over? It was a slip of the tongue! Master Bates was talking about a curry he had ordered the night before!

Fifty Shades of Grays Spells Disaster After Oxford!

What the sweet FA is going on? As if a 1-1 draw at Borehamwood wasn't worrying enough, the first team squad have now lost 1-0 at Oxford whilst the development squad have been thumped 4-1 at Grays. After the Borehamwood debacle I posted that it was too early to worry but this is now getting serious. We should be strutting through a whole series of marzipan friendlies, but instead we are floundering.

Allardyce has tried to excuse inadequate performances by claiming that we are getting fitter, but we should be able to hammer the likes of Oxford after drinking 10 pints of Stella and eating a five course Indian! Something is wrong, very wrong!

The signing of Maiga has got West Ham fans excited but we know sweet FA about the guy and he has dodgy knees apparently. He may be another Ba, but he could just as easily be a complete dud. The clever money, unfortunately, would be on the latter.

We still need a defence and somebody to offer width when going forward, and we need to sort out Vaz Te whilst we are about it. The rumours of a £40k per week wage cap do not bode well, and the refusal to up RVT's wages from the £14,000 he accepted when we were in the Championship points to absurd levels of penny pinching.

We should be excited about the new season at the moment but the early indicators suggest that there is Trouble with a capital T ahead.

Thursday, 12 July 2012

Warnock Delighted At Capture of Major Leeds Target!

(For latest West Ham thread follow this link: http://thegamesgonecrazy.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/west-ham-want-carroll-tevez-modric.html )
That's it then, the Premiership here Leeds come! After signing a bunch of run of the mill Championship dross, Neil Warnock has at last made his marquee signing of the summer. He has chased Paddy Kenny for over a month now and, at last, he has caught him.

This represents a major statement of intent according to Warnock, who has hailed Kenny one of the best keepers in the country - behind the 20 currently playing in the Premiership, of course, and a number of their understudies. Despite rumours of an impending takeover, Warnock clearly does not anticipate shelling out any big money any time soon as he said of the ageing keeper, whose club finished fourth from bottom in the Prem last season, "I think he’s the most important signing I’ll make while I’m at Leeds United."

Warnock is fulsome in his praise of Kenny and says, "I rate him that highly, and I think the fans will see why". If the Leeds fans want to see how good Paddy is, I recommend checking out YouTube videos of the final game of the season at the Etihad when poor Paddy makes a howler, and the epic 3-2 QPR victory over Liverpool where Paddy looks as if he ducks to avoid a rasping shot on its way into his net! Or try the QPR v Everton Carling Cup game, lost after Paddy got into a bit of a Paddy!

However, there's no getting away from the fact that Paddy and Warnock have enjoyed two promotions together from the Championship so this is a successful combination. With Kenny on board, Warnock has now turned his attention to new targets. Word has it that Stotch, Marsh, Brovlofski and Valmer could soon be on their way. Exciting times!

West Ham Want Carroll, Tevez & Modric

David Gold has confirmed that West Ham would be interested in signing Andy Carroll, Carlos Tevez and Luca Modric should they become available on loan, with West Ham only having to meet a percentage of the salaries.

The prospect of seeing these three greats of the modern game in Claret & Blue is obviously very exciting, and on the basis that anything is possible, David Gold and David Sullivan anticipate an immediate boost to season ticket sales.

A club source revealed: "Although we are interested in these three great players there will be no increase in season ticket prices. However, with the possibility that these players may join West Ham, demand for season tickets is sure to increase. Anybody hoping to see West Ham compete for the Premier League title with these world class players in the team should therefore apply for season tickets before it is too late."

"Remember, we already have Jussi, Henderson, Diame and George McCartney - top, top players, so season tickets represent excellent value already, and that is before you take into account the quality of players in the opposition teams! So even if Tevez and Carroll don't join us, there's every chance that season ticket holders could see them playing at the Boleyn anyway!"

Wednesday, 11 July 2012

Southampton Centre Of Spot Fixing Scandal

Claus Lundekvam has blown the lid off of spot fixing in football. Anybody who thought this was confined to cricket and Pakistan now have to think again. If the Norwegian is to be believed, the games we watch week in week out are anything but clean. No wonder the Mafia are moving in on Watford!

Claus claims, "We could make deals with the opposing captain about, for example, betting on the first throw, the first corner, who started with the ball, a yellow card or a penalty. Those were the sorts of thing we had influence over.

“The results were never on the agenda. That is something I would never have done. We were professional competitors. Even though what we did, of course, was illegal, it was just a fun thing.”

Now quite how spot fixing penalties is not match fixing is absolutely beyond me. Even a pre-arranged throw in or yellow card could materially effect the result.

These are disgraceful claims and, never mind the game's governing bodies, the police must launch an enquiry immediately and anybody found to be involved should serve time behind bars.

Sullivan & Gold Go Carroll Singing

O little club of Sullivan
How still we see thee lie
Despite thy deep and dreaming sleep
The major stars go by
Yet in thy Green Street shineth
The everlasting Light
The hopes and fears of all the years
Are met in thee tonight

For Moore was born of Ron Greenwood
And gathered all above
While mortals sleep, the angels keep
Their watch of wondering love
O morning stars together
Proclaim the holy birth
And praises sing to Brooking
And Peace to men on earth

O dream signing of Sullivan
Descend to us, we pray
Cast out our sin and enter in
Be born to us today
We hear the Sugo angels
The great glad tidings tell
O come to us, abide with us
Our Lord Andy Carroll!

He aint Tevez but he's just as much a fantasy signing at the end of the day!

Al Hasawi Rejects Leeds To Buy Nottingham Forest

(For latest West Ham thread follow: http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4157334771526760271#editor/target=post;postID=6294267605344578456 )
With the identity of the prospective new owner of Leeds United still shrouded in secrecy, Big Al Hasawi has announced that he is now the proud owner of Nottingham Forest. A member of one of Kuwait’s richest families, Big Al resigned as president of Kuwaiti club Qadsiya earlier this year and was originally linked with Leeds, but having weighed up the two clubs, has opted for Forest instead.

Brian Clough must be laughing in his grave whilst the flat capped whippet owners must be wondering what the hell is going on when an Arab considers Forest the better bet over the mighty Leeds United. When I blogged last week that the Forest take over would happen ahead of the Leeds deal, foul mouthed Yorshire louts hurled abuse and told me that I didn't know what I was talking about; it seems I did.

What now for Warnock? Big Al wants him and he may decide to go where he is loved rather than risk being a whipping boy for new owners at Leeds - or being stuck with Master Bates. Crucially, Forest now have the run on Leeds when it comes to attracting new players. At this precise moment, which club would look the better bet to you? Forest won 7-3 at Elland Road before the take over!

This morning a storm cloud has settled over Elland Road whilst the City Ground is bathed in Kuwaiti sunshine. In Forest it is all Kuwait, in Leeds is it You Wait and Wait and Wait!

Tuesday, 10 July 2012

Is Fall Guy Demel The New Dyer?

After managing just 10 starts last season and completing the full 90 minutes twice, Fall Guy Demel is increasingly looking like the new Kieran Dyer. No sooner has the pre season started than Demel has picked up yet another injury, this time to his eye, which threatens to keep him out for at least two weeks. Well it is a wet, cold summer isn't it? Not the sort of weather Kieran enjoyed playing in until the season proper started!

I was at Reading when Demel went down as if shot after just four minutes with no Reading player within spitting distance of him. That was just his second appearance - in December - and we didn't then see him again until April, when that nasty, inclement British winter weather was over!

Mind you, based on his performance against Blackpool at Wembley, it is probably a blessing that the guy is a sick note. Premiership players will rip him apart given his lumbering lack of pace.

For such a big bugger, he is remarkably fragile. I would encourage Allardyce to give him a kick up the arse, but his anus would no doubt shatter!

Due Diligence In Leeds Becalmed

(Follow this link for latest West Ham thread: http://thegamesgonecrazy.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/one-of-poorest-boroughs-in-britain-has.html )
So how long does due diligence take exactly, and why are the potential new owners shrouded in secrecy? When Sullivan & Gold bought West Ham, we knew what was coming in advance of the deal being done. When Fernandes took over at QPR, he twattered every step along the way. Nottingham Forest still haven't been bought but everybody knows the potential buyer is Big Al-Hasawis.

As every day ticks by without news, suspicions, probably unfounded, grow. Poor Leeds fans are trawling the net, desperate for news, any news, and just follow links that lead up blind alleys - like this one. Even the Yorkshire Evening Post is reduced to writing pap, waiting, waiting, waiting, for the big news to break.

Speculation now centres on a member of the Bahrain Royal Family. But last week it was a member of the Kuwait Royal Family. And the week before, the nation was Qatar. Master Bates must be loving this, keeping the Leeds fans he hates with a vengeance dangling on a piece of string, pulling on their choke chains, sitting smugly in his cabin watching the good ship Leeds floundering in the doldrums whilst Bosun Warnock looks desperately for any hands to press gang into working the decks.

But hang on, who is that mysterious figure slipping on board ship under cover of darkness? What do you think Stubb? Any idea Starbuck? You what Flask? What did you say Queequeg? It's who? The Fedallah? Come to slay the white whale Moby Bates?

Welcome aboard the Pequod, sailing out of Leeds instead of New Bedford!

Monday, 9 July 2012

One of poorest boroughs in Britain has £40m going spare!

I've said it before and I will say it again, £40m blown on the Olympic Stadium is a disgraceful misuse of public funds. Newham Council can say what they like about creating and safeguarding jobs, it is not their place to be involved in funding a sports stadium to be used by a privately owned football club.

How could that money be spent? How about subsidised housing for nurses? Don't they deserve help to find a decent home more than a football club?

Leeds Captain Snodgrass Targeting Villa On Better Side of Birmingham

So the latest rumour - and I accept it is a rumour - is linking Captain Snakeinthegrass with a move to Aston Villa. One report, indeed, suggests that Master Bates has asked Villa to give him a figure.

That's interesting. Perhaps Bates is looking to sell anything that moves ahead of his departure, selling the brand and pocketing the dosh from as many of the transferable assets as possible. That would explain why Clayton was sold for a knock down price and why Leeds couldn't match Cardiff's figure for Keogh.

The new owners should beware. Inspecting the books is all very well but they should check out the playing staff too. At this rate, Old Mother Hubbard would feel at home at Elland Road!

Kieran's Coming Home!

He's coming home, he's coming home, he's coming, Kieran's coming home! Forty years of hurt, never stopped us dreaming! The guy stolen from within our Academy by Man Utd may be about to make his long overdue West Ham debut, with rumours mounting of a £2.7m fee agreed between West Ham and Sunderland for the one time England international and star of Red Dwarf.

A good signing? Leaving aside his first name, which sends shivers down the spine, and the fact that his career to date has been marked by underachievement, I think Richardson fits the bill nicely. He is naturally left footed, he has pace and he has a wicked shot on him. Of course, 19 career league goals does not scream quality but there has always been a sense that Richardson may explode into life and look a very good player - and returning to the West Ham fold with Allardyce kicking his arse may be just what the guy needs.

Importantly, Richardson is a square peg to fit a square hole and, the injury prone and mediocre Taylor apart, we haven't had one of those on the left of midfield since Etherington was switched to the right by Zola and then sold! With Vaz Te on the other flank and Cole down the middle, there would be a decent shape to the side going forward, and Richardson could also help out McCartney defensively.

A thumbs up from me if it happens!

Lampard Knifes Tottenham Manager AVB in Back, Chest, Groin...

Fat Frank doesn't hold back when expressing his views on the appointment of AVB at Spurs. Usually players show a degree of discretion when asked about a rival club's manager, but not Frank.

Of course, Lampard has a couple of reasons for hating AVB: the attempt to relegate him prematurely to the reserves; and the fact that Uncle 'Arry was given the elbow so the Portuguese Unspecial One could land the job.

Frank slams the appointment, sings the praises of Redknapp, and finishes by saying,  "AVB didn't do well at Chelsea but it was not for the want of anyone trying."

"He wanted to succeed, he wanted to do it his way. But it just didn't work. Not because of any battle between me and him, there was a lot more to it than that.

"He had his plans for the team and that meant me not playing as much as before. That was just one part of it, the problems were far bigger and broader than that.

"But as a player you learn off every manager whether they are good, bad or indifferent. I definitely learned in different ways from Andre. It was an interesting time."


The trouble is, Lampard and Terry know quite a few of the Tottenham boys, and they will be dropping poison in their ears at every opportunity. Get ready for a player revolt if the season starts poorly! AVB had better tell the sulky PMT  VDV to FO ASAP if he doesn't want a premature P45!

Sunday, 8 July 2012

Allardyce To Resign By Christmas

It's not often that the bookies get things badly wrong but unless Allardyce is about to be exposed for under the table payments during transfer dealings, his status as favourite in the Prmeiership sack race is absurd. Sullivan and Gold don't operate like that. Even if we struggle, Doctor Evil will be given plenty of time to turn things around - look at Grant!

And anyway, who would take the job if Allardyce can't handle it? He would leave behind a squad of hand picked Allardyce favourites - Nolan, O'Brien, Jussi, Taylor, Vaz Te - and a personnel equipped only to play one way. The Doctor Evil tactics worked last season so the fans will swallow them again this - "It's the only way of staying up" will be the new mantra - but any new man would be expected to transform the tactics; and then God help us!

The failure to recruit any quality players thus far is a real worry. Either Sullivan & Gold are hoping to avoid any transfer outlay or the unilateral wage cap they have introduced to the Prem is encouraging targets to look elsewhere. Diame is decent but nothing more. Jussi is OK but nothing more. McCartney isn't good enough. We need more, a lot more, if we are to survive. But that's not Allardyce's fault is it? And Sullivan & Gold can't expect miracles.

So I can't see Allardyce being sacked. But if he suspects the owners are hanging him out to dry, I can see him sticking up two fingers and walking away from the job by Christmas!