Here we go again! Turds overheard on the touchline!

Ready, steady...no, hold on a minute, I'm not ready! I haven't spent my chairman's money! I've sold players without buying replacements! I haven't got a left back! I don't know my best centre back pairing, all my summer signings are injured, Ashton isn't ready, my right back is injured and his replacement is crap, the City players don't even know each other so how am I meant to tacically outsmart them? I can't look, I can't look, tell me when it's all over! I'll send on Etherington! Now I'll move him to left back! Mullins! I wanted to off load him but anyone's better than Bowyer! Get on there Ashton! Is it over yet? I can't look! I can't look! Where is Tevez when you need him? Anybody got any ideas because I'm clueless!