Septic Bladder

Dear Mr President Lincoln, I am writing to you from a sugar plantation in the Caribbean. I am very unhappy that I am being paid just £120,000 per week for representing my plantation in football and that I am not being allowed to move to a neighbouring plantation where I could earn £150,000 per week. I am sure that you will agree that this is an outrageous way to treat a slave and, after reading this letter, will instantly commence a policy leading to the abolition of this obscene practise. Please ignore the chains that slaves have to wear, the rape of the women, the beatings, the hangings and the terrible conditions endured during transportation, these pale into insignificance when set alongside my inability to represent the plantation of my choice. Yours sincerely Kunta Kinte.