The new Frank Lampard?

Is Collison the real deal, our new Frank Lampard? The thing that strikes me most is the boy's confidence. He WANTS the ball and wants it in key areas. Against Boro at home in the cup he missed a sitter, blasting over when he should have squared to Di Michele or Tristan, but he was there, at the far stick, further forward than any other player, and he had the balls to let fly. Yes the decision to shoot was wrong, but in our side, a player confident enough to shoot is a precious commodity.

Look at him against City. Never mind the finish, and that goal was beautifully taken, look at the run that took him into the box in the first place. Savio is quick but not quick enough to leave Collison in his wake. As Nsureko broke forward, there was Collison bursting through the middle, actually pointing at the space he wanted the ball played into. Savio chose to shoot instead and who was on hand to sniff in the box as Given parried? Not Cole or Di Michele, the guys paid to do that job, but Collison. That sort of awareness, that sort of hunger to get into goal scoring positions, is rare.

Who does it in the modern game? Lampard, Gerrard, Ronaldo, Giggs, Cahill, Ireland, special players because they read the game and somehow take up positions that others don't see. It is as if the ball is drawn to them, they gamble and time and again, unlike Ethers, they back a winner. Now I accept that it might be going too far to say Collison has that knack based on three goals but that is a good return for a 19 year old playing in a goal shy team that doesn't create bucket fulls of chances. Crucially, the kid has key defensive duties in the formation that Zola picks. Look at Behrami. He is all energy, loads of endeavour, but how often does he actually make it into the opposition box? He is being lauded as a West Ham great but that is more down to sweat and graft than down to any end product from what I have seen. Think again of the City game. Who forced Given into his only meaningful save in the first half? You've got it, Collison, breaking into the left hand corner of the box and driving low towards the bottom corner. The movement and confidence were Lampard like.

So is he that good? Only time will tell of course but confidence, an ability to read the game and quick feet are key ingredients for a quality player. The boy can control a ball, the boy can pick a pass (look at that through ball to Cole against Wigan), the boy can knock in a cross, the boy can dribble, the boy can score, the boy can play down the right, the left or down the middle, the boy can tackle...there's only one mystery. With all that ability, why on earth did he opt to play for Wales when he was qualified for England? Will he become the new Giggs? What a shame he never got to grace the final stages of a World Cup because he opted to play for Wales!

West Ham United For Sale. Great Investment Opportunity!

According to some reports the figure to settle the Tevez affair is £10million, others put it at £15m, others still set the figure at £25m. All are in agreement that the settlement is to be spread over a number of years, with some claiming a complicated sliding scale based on how many pickled onions Noble's Nanna eats with her Boxing Day cold turkey and creamy mash. But at the end of the day, the figure we have agreed with Shafting United doesn't matter, what we should be focused on is that Gudmundsson is no longer in control of what happens: the future of our club is now in the hands of five merchant bankers!

Now in cockney rhyming slang, merchant bankers have been running our club for as long as we can remember. I mean, how can any club side win the World Cup yet struggle to hold their own in the old First Division? What well run club would sell Martin Peters to the local enemy and take Bobby Moore's drunken pal in part exchange? What Board of sentient beings would part with Allen, Cottee, Ferdinand, Lampard, Carrick, Cole, Johnson, Uncle Tom Cobblers et all?

Who, other than a complete merchant banker, would have signed Tevez and then tried to pretend that there was nothing dodgy about the deal? Two world superstars join West Ham United for free! Please! Minder has only just returned to our TV screens but down Green Street, Arthur Daley's Dodgy Deals had taken on an international flavour some three years back! "No really Mr Chisholm everything is kosher, the boys just wanted a team to play for so we gave them their chance. Knocked off? Mr Chisholm, please, how could you suggest such a thing? Look, pull down their shorts and they've got 'Property of West Ham United tatooed on their arses!' "

But that is all in the past and incompetent as they may have been, the old decision makers were only metaphorical or rhyming slang bankers. The worry now is that the future is genuinely in the hands not of merchant bankers by name, but merchant bankers by motivation. Gudmundsson has debts and it is the duty of five faceless debt collectors to recover as much of that debt as they possibly can. Now tell me, will they be interested in the motives of any of the would be buyers? What if there is a Venture Capitalist out there somewhere whose bollocks have not been shrivelled up in a jacuzzi of toxic debt?

How much would the club be worth if the assets were liquidised? How many flats could you build on the corner of Green Street and the Barking Road? How much could be raised from the sale of Cole, Green, Upson, Parker, Collison, Behrami, Ashton and co? I'm not sure how the figures stack up against a £100million asking price but one thing is for sure, guaranteeing football of any kind, never mind Premiership football, will not be at the top of the priority list of the money recovery merchants.

So if anybody spots a helicopter flying over the Boleyn Ground in coming weeks, do us all a favour and send up a ground to air missile if it carries the Barratt livery!