Danny Gabbidon Tweets Gay Confession

West Ham players can't help themselves when it comes to Tweeting it seems. First Cole reveals his candidacy for leadership of the BNP, and now Gabbidon has come out of the closet and confessed his homosexual leanings.

How else can we explain Gabby's Tweet, "I fancied Luke Donald"?

No accounting for taste as they say: maybe it's the orange pants or perhaps Gabby just likes what Donald does with his wood on the golf course!

Parker's Nomination for PFA Player of the Year

Congratulations to Scotty for his nomination. It comes from his fellow professionals so it is difficult to argue against. All those who insist that Parker simply turns circles on the pitch have to eat a generous slice of humble pie.

In truth, there isn't a stand out candidate this season. Rooney has been poor, Berbatov performed brilliantly pre Christmas but isn't a starter now, Lampard and Gerrard have missed chunks of the season due to injury and their teams have under performed, Drogba and Torres have been lack lustre, Bale has missed too many games, in my book, to merit selection...and so it goes on.

So, in the absence of the superstars, this may be the year of the artisan, typified by Parker and Adam, both of whom have given the impression of carrying their teams on their backs. I would have included Kevin Davies in this bracket personally and Birmingham's Johnson, especially in the light of the League Cup triumph. Kevin Nolan would also be amongst my nominations.

If the award is based on class, I would give it to Nasri. But if it is going to be based on effort and drive, Parker deserves it as much as the next man.

First Grant, Now Cole, Thanks for Sweet F.A.!

So they've only gone and done it, the anonymous white men in grey suits have only gone and charged Carlton Cole with racism because of his jokey comments on Twitter. I ridiculed the whole idea of an all white F.A. charging Cole with racism - just imagine their reaction if a black man applied to manage England!- and didn't believe for one minute that they would go through with it; but then, I warned that they would charge Grant after his post match comments following the Stoke game, not really believing they would be bare faced enough to do it!

But Grant was banned for two games for telling it how he saw it in an interview he is obliged to give as part of a television contract negotiated by the FA; and now Cole is being brought to book for racism. If the idiots at the FA were running horse racing, there would be a photo-finish for last place in tomorrow's National with the "winning" distance being a tail, because these guys get everything arse about face.

What penalty does Cole face for God's sake? A fine, a ban, a slap on his ebony wrists? Never mind the games gone crazy, the whole bloody world has gone crazy when a black guy is charged with racism because of a few jokes on Twitter.

I mean, Twitter! Doesn't the name say it all? We have a Russian oligarch pumping a billion or so of dodgy roubles into Chelsea without anybody raising a word of objection, the farce at Portsmouth last year, Yanks mortgaging the nation's biggest clubs up to the eyeballs and John Moral Outrage Terry captaining England, and what are the FA getting tough about? A few Tweets!

Once again, they show they know sweet FA about how to run the game!

I can't wait for the hearing. Cole arrives and immediately Colonel Smythe pronounces "Guilty!" Cole's brief politely points out that the evidence hasn't been presented yet and Smyth replies, "What's the point? He's obviously guilty, he's a bloody nigger!"

Paolo Di Canio - The Perfect Management Appointment!

If Grant jumps ship to rejoin Chelsea, there's clearly only one man to replace him: O'Neill had his chance and blew it so Paolo Di Canio is now the only possible candidate.

How could West Ham look elsewhere based on the experience of West Brom, Wigan and, er, well ourselves?

Take the Baggies. Look what a brilliant job Di Matteo did in his first season - in the Championship. And look at the fabulous results they achieved over the first couple of months of this season. Remember that glorious victory at the Emirates? Under Di Matteo, West Brom were sitting in a Champions League place half a dozen or so games into the season! True, it went wrong subsequently. True when the results started to go against his side, Roberto was found wanting, and true, when he was replaced by that old sage Woy Hodgson, results picked up immedaitely and dramatically, but that is nit picking. For a season and a third, the inexperienced Italian was a fantastic success.

And look too at Roberto Martinez. What a fantastic job the young ex Swansea manager is doing at Wigan. It's true that Wigan are currently bottom of the table but they are not cut adrift are they? They still have a chance of staying up don't they? Yes they struggled last season and yes they have struggled this but why dwell on minute details like that? Martinez is dapper, European, an ex player of the club, passionate and has a great smile. In fact, if only the results were better, he would be the new Jose!

And how can we forget Zola? Another young manager, an ex team mate of Di Matteo indeed, a true great of the game. Can anybody forget our first season under Gianfranco? Taking over a team sitting in fifth place in the Prem, he guided us to an excellent 9th place finish at the end of his first season in charge, a drop of just 5 places from where we were when Curbishley flounced off. And what a second season! We exited the cups at Watford and Middlesborough (after a home draw) it's true but we battled our way heroically to 35 points - a whole 5 points clear of relegation. True that was 7 points less than Roeder - another rookie manager in his second season - achieved in the year we went down, but who cares? 35 points is 35 points in anybody's book, and credit for that is due to Zola!

So let's ignore Paolo's politics and his support for Mussolini and Fascism, and let's base our decision on the evidence of what happens when you appoint a manager with little or no management experience. Sullivan and Gold would be mad to look anywhere other than Paolo, wouldn't they?

Redknapp's Master Plan to Stay in Champions League

He's joined ITV's summariser team!

I hope he's declaring the earnings to the Tax Man!

Redknapp on the brink?

Things are getting twitchy all of a sudden for 'Arry over at Tottenham. With Levy spitting nails because we were awarded the Olympic Stadium, 'Arry needs to be on the look out for any lorries delivering timber to White Hart Lane as he could find himself the latest saviour crucified, on the back of an impending court case and a string of disappointing results.

It is now 3 points from the last 4 Premiership games and a good old fashioned tonking at Real Madrid. Tottenham are winning nothing this year and look odds on to finish outside the top 4 into the bargain. Will the likes of Modric and Bale want to stick around to eat Europa League scraps having tasted the delicacies at the top table of club football? Unlikely. Van der Vaart is reportedly unhappy already and Lennon has just thrown his toys out of his pram: he has been shitting his nappy for days apparently, it didn't start on the eve of the game as was claimed.

Suddenly this Tottenham team are looking decidedly average. Up front, they are ordinary as the pathetic goal return from Defoe, Crouch and Pavlyuchenko testifies. Lennon has pace but not a lot else. Sandro, Pienaar and Palacios are nothing special and Huddlestone and Jenas are little above ordinary.

At the back, King and Woodgate are never fit, Gallas is fitful (in every sense of the term), Hutton is poor defensively, Assou-Ekotto is second rate and Bassong is nothing to sing or dance about. Expect Wenger to bid for Dawson in the summer!

To say they are a poor team would be stupid, but strip away the hype and they are no great shakes. Poor 'Arry has made a rod for his own back by achieving too much too soon. I can see a string of bad results between now and the end of the season costing Redknapp his job; but chin up 'Arry, that would leave you free to take over the Wormwood Scrubs Mean Machine after your tax evasion trial!

Sheffield United Sinking Without A Trace!

Oh dear, what a shame! After yet another tonking - this time 3-0 at QPR - Shafting United find themselves seven points behind 4th from bottom Crystal Palace and sinking fast.

There's something wonderfully appropriate about the Full Montys looking up and seeing a team in claret and blue condemning them to relegation, and something wonderfully ironic about a Warnock managed team helping to nail down the lid on the Blunted Blades' Championship coffin. Even better Faurlin, QPR's very own Tevez, scored!

This is the team who were only relegated from the Prem because we cheated, of course! What a load of cobblers! Even with the £5million a year we are giving them, they're still not good enough for the old second division.

It's a shit city with a shit team, so shit happens! Look at Nick Clegg! The bloody steel foundry will close down next. Oh sorry, that's already happened.

Never mind guys, you can always leave your flat caps on!

Might Bolton be distracted next week?

One look at the league table will tell you that Bolton have very little to play for next Saturday. They aint going down and the league doesn't offer them a route into Europe either. But 8 days later, the club has an FA Cup Semifinal to play at Wembley. Tell me, are they going to be 100% up for a meaningless league game when glory beckons?

No West Ham fan needs telling that Bolton are a bogey team - and have been ever since 1923 when 126,000 and a white horse saw us pummelled by the flat cap thugs! But we are overdue a win - way overdue a win - and we will surely never have a better chance than next Saturday.

If we lose, there is a real danger that we will become detached at the bottom and get that dreadful sinking feeling. If we can win, confidence should surge again ahead of the crucial home game against Villa.

Grant's Touchline Ban Absurd!

So, let's get this straight. Referee Jones pulls on red & white stripes at half time and carries Stoke into the semifinal of the FA Cup and the FA ask no questions. But Avram, in response to a direct question, makes some fairly restrained comments, stopping well short of calling the referee "bent", and collects a two game touchline ban.

Note, that's a two match touchline ban and NOT the suspended sentence that Fergie was given ahead of his 5 match ban.

So, let's bring out the scales of justice here shall we? In the left hand scale let's put Wayne Rooney's stream of obscenities yelled into a TV camera and microphone to a television audience of millions; and in the right hand scale let's put Avram's "I think maybe this is the reason the referee started the second half very strange. Until they scored the second goal he gave fouls, a penalty, everything for them. It was a penalty for us at the end which he didn't give. What happened with Tomkins was more bushido. Maybe he felt a little bit guilty. I think it was the effect of the first goal for us."

Hang on, those scales are rocking and....YES an exact balance, no difference between the two apparently. Amazing. And Jones? I expect Pulis has provisionally booked him for the semifinal!

Amazing and absurd.

West Ham Respect Statement

Bloody hell, this is rich. After the families of Obinna and Piquionne were racially abused - be fair, how were the missing link fans supposed to know that they were part of the West Ham family, when all these blacks look the same to them? - the club has made an official statement, reiterating the Club's RESPECT policy.

Somebody has worked hard on thinking up something for each letter but what relation do they bare to reality exactly?

R stands for responsibility for all, with Parker magically bracketed alongside Moore, Bonds and Brooking and cited as examples. Moore played 646 games for the club, Bonds 804 and Brooking 647. Parker has appeared 124 times. There's no respect in cheapening greatness. Nor is it particularly clever, in the circumstances, to have an all white list.

E stands for "England's Finest". That sounds like a slogan for the BNP! Apparently the club wants to be seen in a positive light the world over. Well, that's a tall order given Green Street The Movie. Perhaps E could have stood for "Entertainment" rather than a label that emphasises national and cultural differences. Are Ba and Hitz representatives of "England's Finest"? A bit of rethink needed here perhaps.

S stands for Sing Your Hearts Out! And don't the fans just? There were three German bombers in the air, You Dirty Northern Bastards, I'll be running round Tottenham with my willy hanging out and the Mido Shoe Bomber song have all figured prominently in the repertoire over the last 12 months. If the club are serious about a RESPECT agenda, why are those who sing these songs allowed to stay in the ground?

P stands for Pride; and Sullivan and Gold have the bloody nerve to tell us that "The Boleyn Ground is your Home from Home"! This is from the bastards who are evicting us! Anybody remember being asked about moving to the Olympic Soulless Bowl before the Board made that decision? Respect my arse! P could stand for Paolo. After all, he has his lounge and leads the chants when TV cameras are around. As a fan of Mussolini, he would be PERFECT to front a respect campaign surely?

E stands for Education is the Key! Education? In Newham? Many of the fans can't spell GCSEs, never mind pass them! Dear God, the BNP targeted our homeland of Barking and Dagenham for a reason. Watch the knuckle dragging morons respond in abusive grunts to this post!

C stands for Control your language and conduct. It could have stood for Carlton Cole, of course, in the light of his allegedly racist Tweet last week. But Control? How about the club exercise control by taking ACTION against those identified yelling racist abuse. What about the hissers who simulate the sound of gas chambers when we play Tottenham? The club can identify the culprits very easily and ban them; but that would result in loss of income!

T stands for "The way forward" which is kind of stretching the first letter idea a bit. Well here's the way forward. Identify the animals who engage in foul chants EVERY game and ban them, for life. Everybody's getting their knickers in a twist over Rooney but all he did was swear. Calling Mido a shoe bomber just because he is Egyptian is much more of a concern, given our games are broadcast around the World.

Forget RESPECT.  Get serious. Adopt "KICK THE BASTARDS OUT FOR GOOD" as the slogan!

Well done to Carlisle!

Many moons ago, I saw Carlisle lose 2-0 to QPR in the top division and, if I remember rightly, they went into the game at the top of the table. I think Balderstone, the cricketer, was in the Carlisle team but I may be wrong. Do any Cumbrians know the side that went into battle that day?

Since then there have been more bad times than good for The Cumbrians but they claimed glory in the Johnstone's Paint Trophy at Wembley today.

I'm just wondering if they selected Red Ochre, Terracotta or Midsummer Blue when they picked up the tin at the end of the game!

West Ham v Man U. What a missed opportunity!

Dear God! A minute before Rooney scored his first goal, you could have won twenty nine quid for a one pound stake on the Mancs finishing the game as winners! That was the bet of the century! Even as Rooney lined up that free kick, a £5 stake on a Man Utd win would have secured a return of £150!  What a steal! As soon as that goal crashed in, United were at worst evens to win the game in my book.

I have never bet against West Ham in my life. In fact, I have never bet ON West Ham in my life due to superstition, but had I known those odds were available I would have been mightily tempted to stake a fiver. Bloody hell, I spent a tenner drowning my sorrows after Rooney scored his first anyway!

£150 would not have compensated for the loss of three precious points but it would have made me feel a little bit better. I will be keeping a closer eye on in play odds into the future!

Fulham lay false claim to West Ham celebrity fan!

What the bloody hell is going on? Fulham unveiled a statue of Michael Jackson today and anybody who knows anything about Jacko, knows he was a West Ham fan.

Crikey, he based the Moonwalk on West Ham - for every one step forward, we make five steps back - and he was a huge fan of Sullivan & Gold's promotional offer of "Kids for a quid".

But the killer proof was that, like all West Ham fans, he loved nothing better than blowing Bubbles!

Di Canio Plays Il Duce Card

Our favourite black shirt, Paolo Di Canio is doing his best to engineer a return to West Ham in a coaching or management role. First there was the claim that he had been offered a manager's job by another club. The club is, of course unnamed. Identification might be awkward because the veracity of the claim could then be tested.

Did he have a chat with the powers that be at Sheffield Wednesday perhaps? Did the conversation go something along the lines of, "If you fancy a crack at management at some point in the future then who knows, we might give you a shot" or something similarly open ended or vague? Or did a club like Yeovil, seeking a high profile appointment to divert attention away from their struggle at the foot of the table, enquire as to his availability? No job offer as such but, "If we offered you the job, would you take it?"

But of course, Paolo is too big a fish to swim in such a small pond. He wants to be the centre of attention on a far bigger stage. When he gives a straight arm salute, he wants an army of supporters to salute back and roar in adulation. Which is why Paolo was at Upton Park yesterday, as he was for the Tottenham match at Upton Park, picking the highest profile games of the season to hog the camera limelight pre match, just as he did as a player.

Sunderland away? Paolo had a tweak in his groin. Man Utd away, it was a case of, "Does my bum look big in these shorts?"

The morons on the terraces, of course, lapped it up, Paolo arms raised, leading "Bubbles", and soaking up the adulation like Il Duce on the balcony in his prime. All he needed was Iain Dale to stand alongside him eating a prawn sandwich and we could have recreated those famous meetings of Mussolini and Hitler.

Like the Italian dictator he adores, Paolo is playing to the gallery, courting the support of the ignorant masses, hoping that populist pressure will win him a job at West Ham. Hopefully, Gold and Sullivan will exercise better judgement. Let's face it, Grant has had a few things to say about the referees so far this season but at least he hasn't pushed one over. And he only missed one game because of Atonement; Di Canio would miss most games up North if there was anything good to watch in his cosy home cinema!

Deep in the Mire

The weekend is not yet over, but the results so far have been close to catastrophic. We needed Spurs to win at Wigan. It didn't happen. Newcastle are now safe. The point Blackburn got at Arsenal was a disaster. Birmingham's win over Bolton gave them breathing space. Villa's point at Everton gave them hope, and it was so nearly a win. At sixty minutes of the game yesterday we were as good as safe. By five o'clock, we were one of the favourites for the drop again.

What went wrong? We were beaten by a better team unquestionably but the selection of da Costa over Tomkins cost us, without question. First half, da Costa did well, second half he was poor and we paid the price.

There's two conflicting views on what Grant should have done at half time. Some say, at 2-0, he should have gone hell for leather for the third, ignoring the fact that the 2-0 advantage was achieved on the basis of containment and long ball break out. Others maintain Grant should have filled up the midfield, ignoring the fact that we couldn't get the ball out of our own half other than with a long ball and with one up top only, the long ball just invites wave after wave after wave of attacks from your opponents.

United were the better team and Mason made two dreadful decisions but we were lucky to be 2-0 up at half time so we have to accept that, overall, our performance with the ball was awful. Was Ba tired after his travels? Was Parker carrying a knock or feeling the effects of his father's death? Neither of them performed on the day. And apart from the long ball that led to the first penalty, Hitz was ordinary too. It was a sterile performance overall but the players were trying, just firing blanks all afternoon.

Let's keep perspective. At half time, we were delighted. Nobody was criticising Grant and the team at that point. For 45 minutes, our manager out thought the best manager in the British game and, as a defensive unit, we were impressive. How many saves did Green make in that first half? One. Credit where credit is due. And that credit is due because we defended as a unit as we did at Tottenham.

Where did it go wrong, ignoring Mason's contribution? One stupid tackle from Noble, but moments earlier he and Parker put in very similar tackles and won the ball and I was yelling "Great challenge Scotty" and "Great tackle Markie". The margins are slight, especially when you are tackling players with the quality of the Man Utd boys.

The second United goal was just genius. You could have had a back four of Brietner, Adams, Moore and Maldini and Rooney would still have scored that goal. Shit happens; live with it.

The third goal was a joke. It was never a penalty. And the fourth was scored when we chased the game and lost shape. The very thing that one of Grant's critics wanted us to do from the start of the second half!

Did we know United would come out fired up for the second half? Of course we did. I said at half time, the trouble is Hernandez, Berbatov and Nani will come on sooner or later; and I would have taken a point at half time had it been on offer. In fact, I said that if conscience allowed it, I would have money on a United victory at the interval. We had been under the cosh all first half and as soon as United scored, we were going to be in trouble. And so it proved.

But knowing what will happen does not mean you can do anything to prevent it. Japan knows it will be hit by earthquakes and tsunamis but what good is knowing? When we came back from three goals down at West Brom, all the credit was given to Parker; I heard no criticism of the West Brom management from West Ham fans. When the reverse happens, it is all Grant's fault even though the opponents are the best team in England. That defies logic.

The key now is not to panic. We are deep in the mire but three wins should see us safe. Man Utd were never really on the radar. We move on.

Gabbidon Makes Amazing Discovery!

Tweeting after the game, Gabbidon writes, "It certainly is a game of two halves!" Fantastic discovery Gabbs, now perhaps you could let the rest of the team in on the secret. Then, maybe, they might show up for both halves for a change!

Grant blows it in Show of Ineptitude

Typically as the Great Grant Apologist, Hammersfan puts the blame for our defeat on referee Mason and whilst I'm not denying the Pillock with the Whistle played a blinder for Ferguson, the fact is, we were 2-0 up at half time and lost the game 4-0 in the second.

What happened? Did Scotty go into the away dressing room and deliver a fight them on the beaches speech? Did the Man Utd captain of the day do that job? Or did Ferguson, a proper manager, get amongst his team and tell them how to rip us apart second half?

Why is it that time and time again, we only play for 45 minutes? At West Brom it was second half. Against Birmingham in the Cup, it was first half. Today, just as at Stoke with the Etherington penalty, we handed the initiative to the opposition in the first minute of the half. Same flank, the right, defence fast asleep, and this time Hernandez put the chance wide. The writing was on the wall from that point onwards.

Second half we were shagged out. Why? Had Grant taken them all on a bonding exercise to a massage parlour he knows during the international break? Or had Keane taken them on a bender in Dublin? Your guess is as good as mine but we looked slow and unfit, and the Mancs over ran us in disgraceful fashion.

When will Grant play Ba down the middle? When will he recognise O'Neil is shit? When will he learn how to deliver a half time team talk? And when will somebody sort out Green's positioning at free kicks? Never mind Rooney, I could have bent the ball into the space he left.

We were piss poor today and Grant has to take the blame for that. He invited the Mancs on and they said thanks very much and murdered us. This team is too good to go down but Grant could engineer it, just like Roeder. Blackburn drew at Arsenal. We are deep in the shit again!

Come On You Irons!

Ironside

Outplayed, Out-thought and Robbed - West Ham 2 Man Utd 4

Referee Mason clearly came out for the second half with a tea towel over his head and his arse red raw after a paddle spanking by Fergie. Yes we were outplayed. Yes Fergie out thought Avram at half time. But yes we were robbed by a truly disgraceful refereeing performance.

Tell me, why wasn't Vidic booked for the penalty? Never mind the argument over whether or not he should have seen red over the rugby tackle on Ba - and he should have done - had he seen yellow for a deliberate and wilful trip on the edge of the box, after Cole had turned him inside out, the debate over red or yellow for the second foul would have been academic.

But Mason got distracted. The second penalty was a clear and deliberate trip that if committed anywhere else on the pitch would have bought yellow. But Vidic argued and Mason forgot his cards. Penalty is punishment enough, he wrongly thought, completely forgetting the context of the game over all. Had the yellow been produced at that point, as it should have been, then Vidic would have walked for the rugby tackle. Bugger me, he should have walked anyway!

But that wasn't enough. Mason had awarded West Ham two penalties - rightly in both cases - so still owed Fergie a favour at half time. Picture the scene. Fergie arrives downstairs, red faced and furious. He points a finger at Mason and yells,  "What the fcuk do you think you are doing? Is your name Atkinson? Do you want to referee in this division next season?" And Mason wilted. His knees trembled. He fell to the floor and begged forgiveness. "I'm sorry Sir Alex. I am unworthy Sir Alex. I will make amends Sir Alex."

And didn't he just? The Man Utd penalty was a disgrace. Yes it hit Upson's arm but Upson was five feet maximum away from the ball when it was struck and had no chance of getting his arm, which was by his side, out of the way. The decision was absurd, disgraceful, appalling, bent - call it what you will. I don't care what happened afterwards, we were robbed. There's no way that United, down to ten men, and without that penalty award would have won that game. And if we end up going down and United end up with the title, Mason should be made Man Utd's player of the season!

What can I say about the game? We were crap but we led 2-0 at half time. They were penalties, nailed on, and Noble took them brilliantly. But apart from that, what did we offer all game? Hitz missed a reasonable chance because he took it on the volley and...well Ba had a long range shot. The two penalties came straight from the Bolton long ball text ball and in terms of creativity, we offered nothing.

Second half, the Noble foul for the first goal was stupid and Green's positioning for the free kick was even worse. Rooney could only go one side and for Green to be beaten by a yard inside that post was disgraceful. The second Rooney goal was genius, nobody to blame there, except we had surrendered shape and were sitting too deep whilst being too stretched front to back by that point. The pen was a disgrace and Upson was unlucky for the fourth when it went through his legs, but da Costa was dozy. Like Defoe, Hernandez was utterly unmarked in the six yard box.

Did we deserve to win? No. Did we deserve to draw? No. Had Ferguson picked his first team from the start, would we have been murdered? Yes. Were we robbed by an incompetent referee? Unquestionably.

Player ratings: Green 5 (One save all game and positioning AWFUL for the free kick); Jacobsen 6, da Costa 6, Upson 7, Bridge 6; O'Neil 5, Parker 6, Noble 6 (Great penalties but what else?), Hitz 6; Ba 5, Cole 6. Subs: Piquionne 5, Keane & Obinna not on long enough to rate.

Grant Declares No Change

So we field the same team that played against Tottenham. I'm disappointed that Tomkins hasn't replaced da Costa but hopefully Rooney and co will be as profligate in the six yard box as Defoe was.

Interestingly, Ferguson is going into the game with only Rooney up top, looking to win the game in midfield. And it is an odd looking midfield with Nani, Fletcher and Scholes not featuring. Carrick and Gibson are good players but...well let's just say that Scholes, Fletcher and Nani are better. Bloody Owen is on the subs bench along with Berbatov and Hernandez! We could do with Vidic pulling up lame after 5 minutes!

The tension mounts. Excuse me Ironside but I'm claiming your sign off.

Come On You Irons!

Dyer is a Proper Fiat Punto

This week a teenager was quoted an outrageous price for car insurance — almost £100,000 a year to insure a Fiat Punto worth just £350. According to The Sun, 18-year-old Ben Kinsey was quoted £83,600 up front or £91,625 if he was to pay in instalments. Aviva, who gave him the quote, said: "We were as surprised as Ben was to see this figure and we are sorry he was given such a high quote. There is clearly a glitch on the system and this quote is incorrect. We will be doing all we can to resolve this issue as soon as possible.

It put me in mind of Dyer. Let's try rewriting that paragraph:

This week a football club was quoted an outrageous price for a player's wages — almost £100,000 a week to play a clapped out player worth just £350. According to The Sun, an enquiring club was quoted £83,600 per week or £4.3million in an up front annual lump sum. West Ham, who gave him the quote, said: "We were as surprised as them to see this figure and we are sorry they were given such a high quote. There is clearly a glitch on the system and this quote is madness. We will be doing all we can to resolve this issue as soon as possible but in the meantime, we are stuck with paying these bloody silly wages whilst Dyer is parked in a garage in Ipswich with yet another blown head gasket."