Dyer is a Proper Fiat Punto

This week a teenager was quoted an outrageous price for car insurance — almost £100,000 a year to insure a Fiat Punto worth just £350. According to The Sun, 18-year-old Ben Kinsey was quoted £83,600 up front or £91,625 if he was to pay in instalments. Aviva, who gave him the quote, said: "We were as surprised as Ben was to see this figure and we are sorry he was given such a high quote. There is clearly a glitch on the system and this quote is incorrect. We will be doing all we can to resolve this issue as soon as possible.

It put me in mind of Dyer. Let's try rewriting that paragraph:

This week a football club was quoted an outrageous price for a player's wages — almost £100,000 a week to play a clapped out player worth just £350. According to The Sun, an enquiring club was quoted £83,600 per week or £4.3million in an up front annual lump sum. West Ham, who gave him the quote, said: "We were as surprised as them to see this figure and we are sorry they were given such a high quote. There is clearly a glitch on the system and this quote is madness. We will be doing all we can to resolve this issue as soon as possible but in the meantime, we are stuck with paying these bloody silly wages whilst Dyer is parked in a garage in Ipswich with yet another blown head gasket."